Previously on Angel, Cordelia was asked to do something that "transcends love," Connor was misled by years of WB programming into believing that he had a bad dad, Wesley developed some new hobbies, Fred managed to be vaguely interesting, and Angel had an overdue chat with his son.
The caption reads, "Gill's Rock, Wisconsin, October 28, 1985." That's an unusually specific caption. I'm not sure why they left out "Monday." Wisconsin is more mountainous than I'd expected. A car drives past a sign that reads "Thorpe's Academy." I think a good academy would announce itself with something more substantial than a wooden sign by the side of a road. On the other hand, maybe this isn't a really good academy.
A little girl dressed like a lobster looks at the school. Okay, she's not wearing a lobster costume, but: red boots, red snowpants, red mittens, red jacket. That reminds me of this super-cool pair of red boots I had when I was little. They were all stretchy and shiny and had clunky heels and I loved them. I wish I had boots that cool now. Although I don't think I'd have much occasion to wear them. Sorry, got sidetracked. A Ms. Thorpe greets the girl's parents as "Mr. and Mrs. Raiden," and mentions their generous gift to the school: "We've already invested a portion of it into the accommodations for Gwen's...special needs." Mr. Raiden asks when they should come back, and Ms. Thorpe says that classes end in June. Aw. Poor little kid. The Raidens offer nervous reassurances to Gwen without actually touching her or even approaching her. Gwen steps forward as Ms. Thorpe reminds her to stay away from the other children, and then they head toward the school. Gwen turns to look back as her parents get into their car and drive away. They don't even wave. Man. That sucks. Gwen tries to hold Ms. Thorpe's hand and is swiftly rebuked.
Yeah, I'll say all sorts of mean things about babies, but little kids are different. They don't look quite so much like monkeys, for one thing.
A bunch of kids are playing out on the surprisingly verdant Wisconsin hills. Gwen watches from under a tree while she eats lunch. She pulls one mitten off so that she can hold her spoon. A little boy runs over, stares for a minute, and asks, "Are you a freak?" I'm not sure that's something a little kid would say. I guess he could have overheard the term "freak" from a teacher, though. Gwen looks worried and answers, "I dunno." The boy admits that she doesn't look like a freak, and Gwen thanks him. A bell rings, and Ms. Thorpe starts calling kids inside. But Gwen hasn't finished her applesauce! And come to think of it, did they have those little individual plastic cups of applesauce in 1985? As a gesture of friendship, the boy offers Gwen his Matchbox car. Gwen reaches out to take the car just as Ms. Thorpe spots what's happening and shouts, "Gwen!" Too late. Gwen touches the car, there's a zap, and the little boy is thrown back a few yards. All the kids run over as we see the melted Matchbox car on the ground.
Credits. Y'know, I, too, was also popular with the boys at that age. Although not so much a few years later, when I would have appreciated it more. And we played with Matchbox cars at recess! This episode is like the story of my life. Except for the killing people with a touch, of course. That came much later.
"Smell anything?" Fred asks. Eh? Oh, she's at Cordelia's with Angel. Angel says that smells lemons, and Fred explains that she might have overdone floor polish. She expositions that she wants the apartment to look nice when the landlord starts showing it. No! What about Phantom Dennis? Fred expositions that they paid the rent for a while, but then couldn't afford it. Angel suddenly exclaims, "Phantom Dennis! Does he know anything about Cordy? Where she might be?" Yeah, exactly. Thank goodness someone remembers Dennis. Fred says that Dennis is mad that they didn't bring Cordy home yet. I guess Dennis told them what happened to Groo. Hey, did Groo go back to Pylea? Oh, wait: I don't care. Angel insists that they will bring Cordy back, and Fred unconvincingly says, "Absolutely."
Angel walks out into the living room to ask about Cary. Gunn is doing something to the TV that causes sparks to fly. "Fancy-ass SurroundSound," he grumbles. Gunn, try unplugging the components first. Fred really did suck out his whole brain, didn't she? That's so sad. Fred says that Cary's been no help, and then shows Angel the stuff she found on the dining table after Cordy disappeared. Angel looks over the photos that Cordy was gazing at that night, and Fred goes back to boxing up books while they trade more exposition. She picks some books up from the mantel, boxes them, and then turns around to see the books back on the mantel. Fred shouts, "Dammit, Dennis! She's not coming back!" Gunn and Angel tense up, and Fred apologetically claims, "I meant the apartment." Then Angel runs over and snaps her teeny neck with two fingers. Fine, I made that part up. Fred says, "You count on stuff, y'know. Things being where you left them. What happens if you get back and they're not there?" Indeed. Also: huh? Angel insists, "You go find them."
Cut to a slightly bloodied Wesley ordering his troops around in a battle against a big demon. His troops? I don't know. Stupid Wesley. Two of the men get clobbered, and an axe skids across the floor until its stopped by Angel's shoe. "Need help?" Angel asks. Wesley responds by slicing the demon into chunks. That was pretty cool. Although I wish the demon had been the one doing the slicing. "No. Thanks," Wesley says. He picks what I think is a key up off the floor and tells his minions that "Mr. O'Leary's being kept in a motel." He tosses the key to a minion and orders, "Report to base, have Diana close out the file." Oh, whatever. The sidekicks exit, and how sad do you have to be to be a sidekick's sidekick? Angel thanks Wesley for finding him. Wesley glares and packs up his weapons. Angel jabbers on, "What went down between us -- I had a lot of time down there..." What "went down"? You mean the thing where Wesley kept secrets from you and endangered his friends' lives? Oh, Angel, don't do this.
Angel and Wesley move across the random basement-ish space they're in, stopping up near a very noisy piece of equipment so that they have to half-shout their lines. Strange blocking decision there. Angel says, "As far as I'm concerned, we're okay again." No you're not! He's an ass! Unless he means that getting a chance to smother Wesley makes up for it. I guess I'd be friends with Wesley if I could smother him occasionally. Wesley turns and stares at Angel like a robot. A stupid, back-stabbing robot. Then he opens the obligatory shiny silver suitcase of secrets, pulls out a folder, and hands it to Angel. He explains, "That's everything I have on Cordelia's disappearance." Okay, does this mean that Angel was just pretending to forgive Wesley so he could get information? I can accept that. It's pragmatic. As long as he doesn't really forgive Wesley. Wesley suspects that Cordelia is in another dimension, adding that the best source for information is a demon named Dinza, "one of the Eleusian Mysteries -- a dark demi-goddess of the lost." He says, "Only the dead can enter her presence, and those that do, she often traps." Angel asks if Dinza will tell him where Cordelia is, and Wesley sniffs, "No, the most she'll tell you is where to look." Isn't telling you where to look for something is a lot like telling you where it is? Stupid Wesley. Angel asks if he should offer Dinza a gift of some kind, but stupid Wesley has already left in search of something stupid to do.
Angel drops down into a sewer tunnel, enters a silo-like place, and calls, "Knock knock? Door was open." The doorway behind him promptly swirls into a solid wall. As Angel turns to look at the former doorway, a gray hand with long claws reaches out and pokes him on the neck before swiftly withdrawing. Remember what I said about necks last week? That would really freak me out. Angel jumps around -- less freaked than I'd be -- and a voice asks, "Are you lost?" The hand grabs the back of Angel's neck again and, once again, pulls back before Angel spots it. How annoying. The demi-goddess of the lost seems to have picked up her shtick on a fourth-grade playground. Angel complains that Dinza is going to make him seasick; with that, there's a flutter, and Dinza appears, perched up above Angel. She's a gray gargoyle wearing a bit of gauze over her head. Possibly to make herself appear younger. It works better if you put that over the camera lens, Dinza. Dinza taunts Angel about being lost undersea, noting that she knows "all the lost things." Angel asks, "Really? City of Atlantis? Holy Grail? Jimmy Hoffa?" Okay, Angel, the rule of threes is that the last item should be funny. Dinza taunts, "Lost loves," and flutters away. Actually, it's all implied fluttering, which doesn't require any expensive effects, because she's a budget-friendly demi-goddess. Dinza tells Angel that Cordy doesn't need Angel anymore, but Angel says he needs Cordy. Voices mutter and growl in the background, and Dinza says, "They think that you should join them. That I should never let you out." She chuckles, "But who listens to the dead?" Okay, now she's just reminding me of Miss Havisham, for some reason. From her new perch, Dinza is sitting so that her hands are visible, curled over the edge of a platform, which is cool because it makes her look more birdlike. Y'know, like when Marty Feldman imitated an owl on The Muppet Show? Was that Marty Feldman? It seems like it probably was. Anyway, Dinza says that "the Axis of Pythia rests close by," and that Angel can use it to find Cordy. Because it bridges dimensions. Okay, why not? Angel asks why he should trust Dinza. She suddenly grabs his neck from behind (quit that!) and hisses, "Because I'd love to keep you, but you have so much more to lose." This season's theme seems to be "grabbing people's necks."
Cut to a restaurant, where Graham Chase from My So-Called Life is sitting. I hope he winds up better than Joey Potter's dad did on this show. A girl in red rubber pants, a red rubber halter top, and long black satin gloves strolls through the restaurant, which seems to be occupied solely by older men. This is so silly. But the girl is pretty. She slides into a chair opposite Mr. Chase as he grumps, "I thought I said discrete." Gwen (because that's who it is) looks down at herself and asks, "What? Do you see nipple?" He also complains that she's late. She complains right back, because the Axis of Pythia is worth $33 million, not the mere $6 million he claimed. They go through some back-and-forth to establish that he hired her to steal it from an auction house for his personal collection. She complains about her commission; he complains about her lack of professionalism. She takes a file full of information about the auction house's security, and also lifts his watch. She holds it up in her bare hand as Mr. Chase moans, "That's a twelve-thousand-dollar watch...." She smiles, closes her fist, and melts it. "Now it's surrealism," she quips, and walks off. Dali humor. Gets me every time.
After the ads, we zoom into Cordy's eye, then zip down through clouds into Los Angeles, and land in the Hyperion's lobby. Fancy. I'm not sure what the point was, but fancy, nonetheless. Fred has a tablet set up on an easel, and flips over the first page as she starts to teach Angel and Gunn all about the Axis. Her visual aid is a line drawing that I'm not going to describe considering some of the things I had to explain in last week's recap. She reads from notecards as she describes the Axis as a metal arc set in a marble base, and mentions that it was "forged from the Tripod of the Delphic Oracle." Gunn sips his coffee and stares into space, trying to figure out how to tell Fred, without hurting her feelings, that she's wearing a ridiculous shirt. Angel is seated further back with his own pad of paper, and suddenly leans forward to hand Gunn his own drawing. "Wow," says Gunn, and while the sketch isn't that impressive, it does at least involve perspective. Fred is startled by Angel's artistic semi-skill, and he dismisses it as a bit of scribbling. Fred goes back to her presentation, describing the Axis's "mystical qualities" and revealing a picture of a yellow ghost with "Boo!" written to it. Heh. Johanna tells me that Fred should have done a PowerPoint presentation. I was thinking the same thing. Fred says that the Axis can be used to locate souls and entities across different dimensions. Angel interrupts, "Entities like..." and holds up a sketch of Cordy's face. Gunn admires Angel's drawing, and then reassures Fred, "I liked your little...ghost...guy." Fred grumps. She turns to the , a blocky drawing of a building that, for complicated reasons, gives me flashbacks to some training materials I've been working on lately. Fred explains that the Axis is at Chandler's Auction House, which sells black-market goods and will probably have expensive security. Angel quickly expositions that he "beat the building plans out of a snitch who thought [Angel] was dead." What? I understood that first part, but I'm not sure what the part about thinking Angel was dead signifies. He is dead. But that doesn't keep him from beating people up. So why would that matter? It's really not important, I'm just confused.
The of Fred's presentation lists the obstacles: security cameras, electric gates, and so on. Gunn says, "If it's an auction house -- can't we just, y'know, eBay it? How much is it?" Gunn sips his coffee as Angel and Fred chorus, "Thirty-three million dollars." To his credit, Gunn does not do a spit-take. He just chokes and gasps, "I think my lungs have coffee," before stumbling away. Fred says that she's working on a plan, "but so far it involves being sent to prison and becoming somebody's bitch." Angel assures Fred that he's done heists like this a million times. I start to correct him, but he does it for me: "Okay, maybe twice. But I'm good at it, I swear!" Gunn returns in time to ask, "You're not counting the time we got the crazy-making death shroud that nearly killed us, right?" Angel blinks, and decides to ignore that and insist that this is what they have to do to find Cordelia. Fred too-perkily gathers up her materials and says she'll whip up a plan. As she exits, Angel helpfully calls after her, "I'm really strong, if that helps!" Ha! Gunn asks Angel what he thinks they'll need for the break-in. Oh boy, cue the montage!
We cut back and forth between Angel listing items (rappelling hooks, flashlights, and aerosols) and shots of a black-garbed figure holding each item. Angel trails off as the mysterious figure continues to prepare with a lockpick set, some cable, and a shiny knife. The figure in black is, of course, Gwen. She shoulders her bag of equipment, and I admire the fact that she found a catsuit that's suitable for burglary yet also has a generous V-neck to show off her cleavage. Although to be fair, that seems like it might be in character for her. Gloved hands hold up a silver tray that holds a silver tube. As Gwen takes the tube, we see that she is being assisted in her preparations by a blonde woman in a tuxedo. Gwen says, "Thanks, Nick," walks over to a computer panel, and turns it off. Then she opens the tube and, looking at her reflection in the panel, applies her lipstick. This is terribly, terribly silly. And I'm enjoying it. Mostly because it's reminding me of Cobweb and Clarice.
Aieee. Like all the neck stuff isn't traumatic enough: cut to Lilah and Wesley. They're...well. Let's just say they're playing chess. If you know what I mean, and I think you do. Lilah mentions that she'll go first, because she has an important meeting. Wesley mutters, "If I let you go at all." She moves her pawn to King Four and asks, "You mean the way you let your little slave girl go?" Wesley mutters, "So you finally heard about that?" Lilah smiles and guesses that Justine heard a few things as well. Wesley says that the walls were soundproofed, "although she did call [Lilah] 'impossibly loud,'" and duplicates Lilah's move. Lilah probably shouts bad words when she loses a game of chess. He tells her that he had to find Angel, because he's "necessary." When Lilah asks what Angel is necessary for, Wesley hisses, "Fighting people like you." Lilah says that Wesley did her a favor: "As soon as he dried off, Angel kicked Connor out of the hotel." She moves a pawn to King Bishop Four and suggests that Connor will need a new friend, "like a big sister -- or Mrs. Robinson, if that's what he's into." Wesley insists that he doesn't want to hear Lilah's "evil plans," but Lilah thinks he likes it. "Shut up, Lilah," he says. Lilah says, "Make me," and then gasps as Wesley, um, takes her pawn.
Gwen climbs onto the roof of the auction house, breaks into the alarm-system wiring, and works her electro-magic on the wires, shutting off the security cameras. Her superpowers also open the door, and she enters the building. As she does so, we pan over to Angel, Gunn, and Fred, who are clambering more noisily onto the roof. Oh boy, it's a caper! Gunn pants, "This is so much harder than it looks on Batman." Angel rips the door off of the alarm box, fiddles ignorantly with the wires for a moment, and finally yanks them all out. The lights go out in an underground garage. Heh. Fred uses a gizmo to open the door. I approve of occasionally making the MoG look dopey. Although you don't really need a super-powered anti-heroine to do that.
Cut to a hallway, where Fred is pointing at the building's blueprints and telling the guys their jobs. Shouldn't they have studied the blueprints a little bit before starting out? Oh, right: they're dopey. The plan is that Fred will disable the security while Gunn knocks out the guards and Angel grabs the Axis. Angel and Gunn move out in opposite directions. Fred wearily calls, "Guys!" They reappear, because it seems they were both going the wrong way.
The cameras come on again, and we get a rather-too-artsy shot of Gwen's eyeball before we see that she's tapped into the cameras somehow and is aware of the other intruders.
Fred enters a room full of blinking lights meant to imitate computer banks and moans, "Please, let my cellmate be gentle." Shouldn't they all be singing a catchy song during all this? Sorry, I watched Hudson Hawk over the summer, and it's colored my ideas about heists.
In the building's lobby, Gunn sneaks up behind a guard and calls, "Look out!" The guard spins, and Gunn knocks him out. "I tried to warn ya," he says, and drags the guard's body out of sight.
Angel strides up to the vault room and stands just outside the door. He sprays what I assume is canned smoke around so that we can all see the pretty lasers crossing the room. "Help me out here, Fred," he mutters, and a gate suddenly slams down, blocking the doorway. Angel is attempting to lift the bars up when he's thrown back by something sparking. A grate in the vault's ceiling opens up, and Gwen drops down head-first. She hangs in mid-air and quips, "Y'know, I put that down for a reason."
Fred finds a malfunction in the vault room's security system and whines, "But I haven't gotten into the electrical system, so that means..." Uh oh.
Gunn hauls the guard's body back into a closet, turns on the lights, and discovers four other trussed guards already neatly lined up on the floor. "We got company," he observes.
Angel and Gwen trade battle quips and determine that they're both after the Axis. Gwen stretches a bare hand down into the room, and the laser beams obediently move up and out of the way. Gwen technobabbles about what she's doing to the electrons, and works the episode title into her speech. Woohoo. Angel uses his dopiest voice to say, "What are you?" Hee. He's so perplexed! Gwen says that she's "a freak," and puts a hand on a scanner, opening the vault. Angel strains to lift the gate while encouraging Gwen to find something else nice and expensive to steal. Gunn enters in time to get clued in as to what's going on. Gwen prepares to exit with the Axis, but stops short when Angel says, "Please." She's a well-mannered freak, at least. Angel explains that he needs the Axis to find someone: "You can do whatever you want with it as soon as I find her." At this, Gwen gets all jealous and bitter, which is kind of tiresome, but I can sympathize. Gwen walks over toward Angel and says she has two questions: "Do you really love her?" Angel says that he does. Gwen's second question is, "On a scale of one to ten, exactly how stupid do you think I am?" Suddenly alarms go off, and Gwen chirps, "Don't answer that." She runs back for the cable dangling from the hole in the ceiling. Angel and Gunn heft the gate high enough that Gunn can duck under it. He races over and grabs Gwen's legs. Angel starts to duck into the room as Gwen reaches down and touches her hand to Gunn's chest. Gunn cries out, Fred runs into view in the background, and Angel tackles Gwen, knocking her away from Gunn. Who collapses to the floor, his eyes still open. Angel feels Gunn's neck (See! See!) and looks over at Fred before saying, "He's dead."
After the ads, Fred runs over to Gunn and snivels just as you'd expect her to do. Gwen turns and stares at Gunn, which causes her to have a quick, seasick flashback to when she zapped that Matchbox car. Oh, and the kid holding it, too. She shouts, "Move!" When Angel and Fred fail to do so, she zaps and kicks them out of her way before kneeling by Gunn. I rewind and play that part a few times, because I like the part where Fred gets kicked. Gwen puts her hand on his chest, lucky girl, and zaps him again, saying, "Just like startin' a Chevy." Gunn suddenly gasps for breath as Angel hauls Gwen away from him. He gets ready for fighting, but Gwen does this showoff-y gymnastic kick thing. Once again, Angel has this wonderfully bewildered expression. It seems like he's not injured; he's just startled every time he gets hit. Fred says that they have to take Gunn to a hospital. Angel goes to grab Gunn, and Gwen quickly escapes through the ceiling.
Connor walks along the street and eyes a little enclave of homeless folk. Lilah watches with binoculars from an overpass. "Miss me?" Angel asks. Lilah jumps, then says that actually, no, she didn't. Angel inquires as to whether she's still "knockin' em dead at Wolfram & Hart." Lilah smirks, "You could say that." The conversation turns to Connor, and Angel's laissez-faire attitude. Lilah asks if this is some kind of "guilt is its own punishment" theory, and Angel says that's his specialty. Then he mentions that he's not actually following Connor; he's following Lilah. She looks a little nervous at that. Angel wants to know if Gwen's working for one of Wolfram & Hart's clients. Oh, he thinks she's a subcontractor! Lilah says, "I know you've been out of the loop for a while, but I'm still evil. I don't do errands unless they're evil errands." She seems to be genuinely amused by that line, and I don't blame her. Johanna wonders if Lilah's to-do list reads "Pick up evil milk. Drop off evil dry-cleaning." Angel suggests that Lilah help him out, and in return, "just this once [he'll] ignore the fact that [she's] within fifty yards of [his] son." Lilah goes back to nervous, and Angel hisses, "Just this once." Angel starts to leave, and Lilah tries to get in the last word with something about "moral high ground" that doesn't really make much sense. Angel drops his bomb: "You know what I find interesting? The fact that I can smell you and Wesley all over each other." Busted! Then he makes a funny "What can you do?" face and tells Lilah that she's got an hour to track down Gwen's client. So what I was thinking during this scene was, doesn't Connor have super-hearing? Maybe they're far enough away, but it would be amusing later to find out that he heard the whole conversation.
So, I don't know exactly what's wrong with me, but I enjoyed that whole scene. Angel's ongoing refusal just to kill Lilah doesn't make a whole lot of sense given what she's done in the past, but they're so much fun together. Maybe I just think that because it's 5 AM right now. That's kind of how I feel about this whole episode, though. It's silly, and doesn't hold up under much examination, but it rolls along quickly enough and they all seem to be having fun without taking it too seriously. I can't decide if I want the show to be bad, so that I can feel reassured that I haven't lost my mind, or if I'd like it to maintain its pleasant goofiness. These are the questions I ponder late at night. Or early in the morning. Oh, I need a nap.
Gunn is in bed, looking at his a printout of his EKG. I didn't know they gave you those as souvenirs. Gunn pontificates about the difference between life and death while Fred tidies the bedroom and sternly asks whether Gunn took his pill. (He did, for the record.) She asks whether Gunn saw anything interesting while he was dead, but he doesn't remember. Fred starts losing her grip and wonders what would have happened if Gwen hadn't given him a jump-start. Gunn says Fred would have done CPR, or Angel would have gotten him to the hospital in time. Fred's wearing a little spaghetti-strapped shirt and her arms scare me. She quivers, "Then again, it could have been too late, and Angel would have had to swear bloodlusty vengeance on the woman that killed you, and we all know how well that works out!" Gunn and the audience say, "What the hell?" Fred rants, "I am so sick of holding everything up around here!" She complains about Wesley, Angel, and Cordy's leaving, and says, "I'm sick of taking care of everything and paying bills and making peace and plans and keeping my chin up!" Johanna says, "I give that same speech every year around Christmastime." Gunn says, "Just electrocute me now, because I don't know what kind of alien female thing --" Oh, he did not just say that. Damn, now I'm on Fred's side. He says that nobody forced Fred to take charge, and she asks, "Who else was gonna do it?" She bursts into tears and moans, "You died and left me all alone!" Well. I sympathize with the feeling, but whining, "How dare you be so ungrateful as to get killed?" comes off as a bit self-centered. If she'd said it differently, it wouldn't have grated so much. Whatever. Gunn gives her a hug as she sobs.
Gwen, back in her red-and-black outfit -- you'd think she'd have more than two outfits, really -- presses the button for an elevator and checks her lipstick. So the lipstick thing is a motif with her? Okay. Angel compliments the color, because he has some experience with lipstick. Gwen does a double-take over Angel's lack of reflection and says, "After I kick your ass, I'm gonna ask about that." The elevator arrives as she and Angel make with the fighting. I'm not sure she should be super-strong in addition to the electro-stuff. But she's, um, pretty. There's quipping and punching and so on, and eventually Gwen de-gloves. She zaps Angel, but he's like the Energizer Bunny, so they go on fighting a while longer and end up in the elevator. I was wondering why tasers knock Angel out, but repeated Gwen-zaps have no effect. But then in the forums, Lucian suggested that it's an AC/DC thing. Literally, I mean. Gwen knocks Angel down and straddles him, then rips open his shirt (aieeee) and zaps his chest. Suddenly we ride a borrowed TMICam into his chest, and are treated to the sight of his CGI heart starting to beat. Okay, that was weird. Angel responds by lunging forward and kissing Gwen. Okay, that was weirder.
When we return, Angel and Gwen are still smooching in the elevator as big bars close over the doorway. Gwen pulls back and Angel gibbers, "My heart..." Gwen says, "It was beating. And it doesn't, does it?" Angel gasps, "Cordelia...I gotta get outta here!" Ha! Gwen wonders what's going on, and Mr. Chase strides into view to explain. ["Not to be confused with Cordelia's father, Mr. Chase, the reputed tax cheat. Different Mr. Chase." -- Wing Chun] Angel looks at them both and says, "It's a double-cross." Gwen glares at Angel and says, "I'm not slow, I know it's -- shut up!" Hee. Gwen asks if Angel is working for Mr. Chase. Mr. Chase thought Angel was working for Gwen, "what with the tonguing and all." Gwen says, "In his dreams," as Angel murmurs, "Not even close." And then they glare at each other. Have I explained that I think this is all really dumb, but I'm enjoying it anyway? Do I seem defensive about that yet? Mr. Chase complains about all the noise and publicity Gwen has attracted, and calls her a freak. Uh oh, them's fightin' words. Angel's eyes shift back and forth between Gwen and Mr. Chase, and at last I understand why he's seemed so funny for the whole episode. He thinks he's in the wrong show! His whole expression conveys, "They're talking to each other like I don't matter. Did I wander into the wrong studio?" Hee. Because Mr. Chase thinks he's a supervillain, he explains his Evil Plan and tells Gwen and Angel that the elevator was redesigned so that Gwen can't reach any electric current. Gwen asks if Mr. Chase thinks he's Lex Luthor. They keep making my jokes for me in this episode. It's disturbing. Mr. Chase says that the poison gas he's about to fill the elevator with is fast-acting, adding, "You'll be dead within...uh..." He pushes back his sleeve and looks at his watchless wrist. "Whoops," he says. I know I've lost all credibility here already, but that was a very funny reading of "whoops." I suppose you're thinking that there aren't too many different ways to say "whoops," but now you know better. Gas shoots out of the vents as the elevator doors close.
Inside the elevator, Angel tells Gwen to get down to avoid the gas while he fumbles around at the walls. She snarks back, but obediently sinks to the floor. He asks her where the utility panel would be, and she snarks some more but finally points him in the right direction. Angel starts punching through the wall.
Out in the lobby, Mr. Chase is on the phone. He tells someone, "We should be finished here any time now. Uh huh. I see. Uh huh. Well, we had the tuna casserole last Thursday, Molly." Hee.
Back in the elevator, Gwen decides that in case she dies, she wants Angel to know, "Nice kiss." Angel finishes hammering through the wall and grabs the wiring. Gwen grabs his other hand and: kerzapple! The elevator doors open, along with the bars. Mr. Chase watches as Angel carries Gwen out and puts her on the ground, and alerts his minions. And then, y'know, there's a fight. Angel gets in some nice fu and takes out all of the minions, then turns to see Gwen already up and stalking Mr. Chase. She lectures him that she doesn't like being called a freak: "That's my word, and I get cranky when people like you use it." Angel watches as Gwen mentions that she's been struck by lightning fourteen times. Angel interrupts, "So you're a freak? Boo hoo, so what?" Gwen's distracted by that, and Angel says, "I'm not exactly the poster boy for normal. Sometimes you gotta let go." Then he quickly punches Mr. Chase, knocking him out. Gwen says that she wanted to do that, and Angel replies that Gwen was going to kill Mr. Chase. "Did you at least break his nose?" she asks, and reaches down to zap Mr. Chase. Angel grabs her arm to stop her. Gwen confirms that Angel really is going to use the Axis to find Cordelia. She says, "Anyone that bad at stealing stuff's gotta be doing it for love. Bummer." She stomps off. Oh Gwen, you can do better, don't worry about it.
Cut to the Hyperion, where a mystic glow is coming from one of the rooms. The caption reads "Ethereal humming." Snicker. Gwen and Fred wait outside the room and, as the light fades, Fred wonders if Angel found Cordy. The door opens, and Angel marches past them. Gunn peers into the room and sees the Axis still glowing faintly on a table. It's an ethereal nightlight! "Yeah," he guesses.
Down in the lobby, the MoG ponder what Angel has, presumably, told them in the interval. Fred's insightful question is, "But she was beautiful?" Shut. Up. Fred. Angel burbles about light made up of pure joy and so on. Gunn asks if maybe Cordy will get a vacation, but Angel says, "It felt sorta permanent." Gunn says, "Too bad. We could all go to Vegas," setting up week. They go on burbling about Cordy's wonderfulness, and I am once again distracted because, as if enjoying this silly episode wasn't disconcerting enough, now Boreanaz looks...not...bad...oh, just kill me. I try to decide if it's the camera angle or something, and then I realize that his hair isn't as spiked as usual. It actually seems to be a consistent length. I mention this to Johanna, who of course immediately mocks me. "You looooove him. You wanna have ten thousand of his babies." "Shut up." "You love Angel!" "I don't. Shut up." "You think he's so pretty!" "He just looked good in that shot. I was thrown because his hair wasn't crazy. And shut up!" Angel says that he spent all this time trying to get back to Cordelia, and then trying to get Cordelia back home, and now he's realized that "she already is home. Where she belongs." Everyone looks thoughtful. We pan up, then zoom back through the clouds and up to Cordy, still glowing away. She asks, "What are you, deficient? Get me out of here!"
week, Fred dresses up, Cary overcompensates by dressing up even more, and everybody goes to Vegas. Right now I'm unreasonably excited about any mention of Vegas, so I can't promise a return to cynicism any time soon.