Can you believe it's been another season? Props to all you crazy kids in the forum. And a special shout-out to SNeaker and CCR, who have been like the devil and angel on my shoulders as I've swung from "That was good!" to "That was awful!" on a weekly basis. I'd also like to mention that I miss random. And people say I'm not sentimental.
Previously on Angel, Angel coddled Connor, Groo got the wrong idea, Cordy glowed, Wesley traded the baby for a sore throat, Angel slammed Holtz into a wall but didn't kill him, and Justine slammed Holtz into a wall. And killed him, too.
Groo enters the Hyperion from outside, carrying a tray on which there are a couple of clear glass mugs full of something brown. I think this sets a new record in confusing me, because I started wondering if he'd brought the drinks over from Cordy's apartment, and if so, if he'd walked all that way carrying a tray, or if he'd carried them on a cab ride without spilling the stuff. It turns out there's an explanation, though; I just wanted to share my bewilderment. Cordy's tidying up the office when she notices Groo and asks what he's carrying. Groo explains that it's Mock-Na, "a soothing brew to relieve tension." Cordy notes that the Mock-Na looks like muddy water, and Groo enthuses that the mud adds flavor. He adds that it also contains some plants from the garden, although he had to make substitutions for the Pylean plants. So that's why he came in from outside. Although it still seems like he should have gotten the plants and then taken them to the kitchen instead of mixing everything together outside. This is really unimportant, isn't it? Cordy grins, "So it's mock Mock-Na!" and waits for him to laugh. Instead, Groo just stares at her and hands her a glass. Johanna suggests that he should have said, "Oh, I get it. It's just not funny." Cordelia nervously sips the Mock-Na and fakes a satisfied reaction. Although not very well. Groo suggests that he could relax her further by "at first gently, and then more rapidly rubbing [her] Schlug-Tee." Cordy thinks that would be nicer back at her place, and moves closer to whisper that she's not comfortable having sex at the office. Groo explains that he was offering to massage her neck, then loudly enthuses, "But it is always an honor to make sex with you!" When did he become a Swinging Czech Brother? He leans in to whisper that they can have sex later at home, and Cordy mutters, "Angel." Groo snaps that he's not Angel, and Cordy says, "I know. He's back." And sure enough, he is. Cordy goes over to Angel and asks whether he overheard their conversation, and Angel denies hearing anything. She then asks what happened with Holtz, and Angel sums it up by saying, "I didn't kill him." Cordy deadpans, "Maybe you're growing as a person." Heh. Angel explains that Holtz wants Connor to stay at the Hyperion, and Cordy hugs Angel while chirping, "I'm so happy for you!" In the background, Groo sips some Mock-Na and grumbles, "Yes. It is a happy time."
To prove Groo's point, we cut to Connor, sobbing over Holtz's body in the alley. Justine tells Connor that Holtz was going to leave town: "He just wanted to talk to Angelus." Connor's shocked to hear that Holtz was leaving, and mutters, "It's my fault. He'll pay." Justine offers to help kill Angel, because she's helpful that way. Connor shakes his head, and Justine starts to nag Connor about getting revenge. "What do you want to do?" she asks. Connor stares into the camera silently, because if he tells her now, it'll spoil the surprise. Credits.
Angel pops into one of the many, many spare rooms in the Hyperion. Cordy follows him in as he wonders aloud whether Connor would like the room. He notes, "Not too close to my room -- I don't want him to feel like I'm hovering." Definitely; it's disconcerting enough when Cordy does it. But I'm getting ahead of myself. After straightening a painting on the wall, he asks Cordy's opinion. She says, "I think it's just as good as the last five we looked at." Obligatory reminder that Connor calls himself Steven now, as Cordy tries to convince Angel that the room isn't that important. Angel, as usual, is distracted, and suddenly says, "I don't even own a TV! He's gonna want to watch TV. Not too much -- I mean, after homework and chores." I like imagining that Connor's chores will include slaying horrible monsters. "Aw, Dad, I was gonna kill the orc after dinner!" Comedy! Angel goes on burbling like that, and asks Cordy what a good allowance rate is these days: "Fifty cents? A dollar?" Aha! I'm taking that as a little support for my theory that Angel is incredibly wealthy, but he doesn't have enough financial sense to realize it. Just hush; it makes more sense than anything else. Cordy chirps, "Sure! If you're Tom Sawyer paintin' a fence."
Angel sighs, "He's gonna hate me," and sits down. Cordy sits to him and does her usual bolstering up of Angel's ego, and I guess I should complain about her pastel blue eye shadow but it's almost reassuring to see her looking fashion-impaired. Angel goes on that he's a broody, blood-drinking creature of the night, and Cordy chimes in, "Plus, tight with a buck." Angel is jolted out of his self-absorption and looks at Cordy, and you can see him adding that to the list of ways she's insulted him this year. Hee. For the record, the list reads fat, melodramatic, pale, and now, cheap. Cordy insists that Connor will love Angel, because Angel has "the biggest and best heart of anyone [she's] ever known." Cordy's had a sad, sad life. Granted, Angel's pretty darn nice to her, but I think Gunn ought to come in first in the selfless department. Cordy reassures Angel that Connor's smart enough to figure it out, and then growls, "Feeling better, or do you need to keep looking at rooms?" Angel says, "Both," and Cordy makes a face, and I think Greenwalt gives good Cordelia. So there. Cary interrupts from the doorway, and offers Connor his old room. He announces that he's catching a flight to Las Vegas tomorrow night, and I'm just gonna figure there's a demonic airline and skip over that, if it's okay with you. ["Yeah, it's called Southwest." -- Wing Chun] Angel and Cordy are stunned by the news, and Angel asks if Cary's leaving because of Connor's anti-demon prejudice. Cary says that a friend has "a club just off the Strip, and he needs a singer and a seer." Wonder if that's near Circus Circus. Cordy wonders why Cary can't rebuild Caritas. Cary says, "That's a great idea, pixie-cat, 'cept every time I do, you all seem to destroy it." Cordy replies, "It was only...three times." Cary says he has "the big love," but it's time for him to go. He adds that he loves Connor, but hesitantly adds, "I just wouldn't turn my back on him any time soon."
Cut to a truck, which drives off the road and out into a grassy area. Because of the truck, I automatically assumed it was Gunn and Fred, and thought, "Shouldn't they be looking for Connor? Is this really a good time to park?" Then I realized that it's actually Justine and Connor. So I moved on to wondering whether Justine traded in Wesley's SUV for this pick-up, and then I realized that Justine's really a car-stealin' kind o' gal, and stopped worrying about it so much. Connor looks around and asks, "No white cliffs?" Justine apologizes that there aren't any handy, but says this looks like "where he came from." I think that's a joke, because this looks like the same field that they used to represent the fields of York in a flashback. Maybe I'm wrong, but it looks pretty similar. And if I'm right, it's funny, so let's assume I'm right. Connor wistfully wonders whether it looks like "the ranch," and Justine is pleased to hear that Holtz told Connor about their plans to move to Utah. "That was our dream," she says. Connor dumps a bucket of cold water over her by saying, "He always told it before sleep. Him and me, where no one else could ever find us." Justine winces and agrees, then says that they need to bury Holtz. Connor pulls open some blankets in the back of the truck to reveal Holtz's body, while Justine picks up a shovel. Connor worries that Holtz was vamped, cueing a quick guilty flashback of Justine stabbing Holtz with an icepick. Connor leans over Holtz's body and whispers, "I will do as you taught me. I will cling to the good. I will lay waste to the evil." Yipes. He kisses Holtz's forehead before finishing, "Sleep now, Father. And forgive me." With that, he yanks the body out onto the ground and picks up an axe. Justine looks away as Connor beheads Holtz. I think they're both gonna need a lot of therapy.
Wesley seems to be at a psuedo-Irish bar, so that we realize he's choosing to be as miserable as possible. Lilah walks up to his table and asks, "Mind if I join you?" Wes doesn't look at her as he replies, "On many levels and with great intensity." Heh. I may file that away. He then pours a shot into his glass of beer, because he's too lame just to drop the shot glass right into the beer. Lilah sits down and asks if Wesley would like a soothing lozenge. Which also makes me laugh, because "lozenge" is a funny word. She comforts Wesley by insisting that she cares about him "as one human being to another." Then she grins and adds, "Just kidding!" Hee! Wesley really brings out the best in Lilah. She says that she does care about Wesley's "great big brain" going to waste, and asks if Connor is "without precedent in human history." Wesley insists, "Mesopotamian, Greek, Hindi, Celtic myth, the Bible, even Darwin -- all support the coming of something that wasn't possible before." That doesn't really answer her question, since she specified history, not scientific theory or myth. But it looks as if he's had a few boilermakers, so maybe he misunderstood the question. Lilah wonders if Connor signifies a new age or the end of the world. Wesley once again dodges the question by noting that "every child born carries into the world the possibility of salvation or slaughter." This is the great big brain that Lilah's so keen on? It seems to be full of platitudes. Lilah moves on to claiming that if Connor is bringing the nastiness, the MoG won't be able to handle it. She says, "If the kid's the Stalin, do you kill him? You can't! He's Angel's son. But on the other hand, if you just watch while he up and kills Angel or somebody else...that cute girl from Texas, say?" At this point we can see that while she's been talking, Lilah's been making a little sculpture out of the sugar packets. Impressive! And funny. Wesley tells Lilah to leave, and Lilah asks what it was like when Justine slit his throat. Wesley instantly reaches over and grabs her throat, then finally looks at her as he asks, "Are you terribly anxious to find out?"
Holtz's body burns on a funeral pyre while Connor watches in a full Return of the Jedi.
At the Hyperion, Groo is slumped down on the couch in a way that seems likely to put a terrible strain on his lower back. But it's important that he do so, because that way Gunn and Fred won't be able to see him when they arrive. Which, needless to say, is what happens. Gunn and Fred assume nobody's home, which is slightly peculiar because it's not as if you can see the entire hotel from the lobby. Gunn frets, "We gotta find Angel and tell him we screwed up." Groo suddenly appears from the couch, startling Fred and Gunn. Groo explains, "Cordelia and Angel are upstairs trying out bedrooms." Gunn and Fred trade nervous looks until Groo adds, "For Angel's son."
Up in the hallway, Cordy is refusing to tell Connor about the birds and the bees. Angel insists, "Someone's gotta make sure he knows the facts of life. My track record with the whole man-woman thing isn't, you know -- I don't wanna use the words 'tragic farce,' but...." Heh. As they head downstairs, Cordy continues to protest, and Angel claims, "He's gonna have questions. Like, what do you do with a woman's Schlug-Tee, again?" Cordy gasps and smacks Angel on the arm, then leans in and whispers some threat in Angel's ear. This actually seemed like Cordelia again until that part. Whispering threats? I'm pretty sure Cordelia wouldn't have a problem with everyone hearing anything she says. Oh well. Angel finally turns his attention to Fred and Gunn, and asks where Connor is. Gunn admits that Connor overheard them discussing the fact that Angel had gone to see Holtz, and then ran away. Fred adds that they went to Holtz's apartment but didn't see Connor or Holtz there. Angel worries, "All he's gonna find is an empty room. He won't know what's happened." Cordy explains that Holtz left and that Connor will be staying with Angel from now on. Fred exclaims, "That's good! As long as we find him and tell him before --" Groo interrupts, "He's here." Cordy starts to ask how they can tell Connor before he's here, but then figures it out and everyone turns as Connor arrives. Angel walks over to Connor and greets him with an uncomfortable "Hey." Connor says that Holtz is gone. Angel says that he's sorry, and then stumbles a bit before saying, "He left." He pulls out the letter Holtz wrote and gives it to Connor. Connor reads it over and finally says, "He says my place is here now. With you." Angel somewhat obscurely says it isn't necessarily forever, and that Connor should give it a try. I was waiting for him to suggest that Connor could spend summers with Holtz or something, because I really wasn't sure what he meant by that. Connor nods and smiles a teeny bit as he agrees, "We'll give it a try." During the commercial break, Johanna calls to marvel at how evil Connor is. In a happy way. I mean, Johanna's happy at how evil Connor is. I'm not sure if Connor's happy about it or not. We also talk about all the lessons Holtz gave Connor in being an evil liar. The best part is, they build Holtz up as so obsessed that I can actually believe he would teach Connor how to smile at someone while plotting his death.
The morning, Connor sits on his new bed rereading Holtz's letter. Hey, this shot looks like a Hopper painting. Cool. Angel knocks on the door and then enters with a bookcase. He explains that he's also bringing some of his favorite books from when he was Connor's age. Back in the 1740s. At first, I scoffed at this, but given that Connor grew up with Holtz, some Restoration literature might seem normal to him. And I could see him liking Gulliver's Travels, except he'd probably think it was all true. I'm sure he'd enjoy Hamlet, too, but the last thing the kid needs is more father-related vengeance stories. Angel asks if Connor wants breakfast, and Connor sulkily says he isn't hungry. Angel suggests, "We can go out. I'd have to wear a burka or something." Instead he suggests that they stay in, and go out to a movie that night. Connor folds the letter up and puts it in a drawer as Angel says, "We'll go to an action movie. You'll love it." Angel's voice is really enthusiastic, but he's staring at Connor very intently, looking for some response, and granted that kind of thing plays into Boreanaz's rather stoic strengths, but in this situation it works pretty well. Or, possibly, I've lost my mind. Help! Connor continues to stare straight ahead instead of looking at Angel, and Angel asks if there's anything Connor wants to do. Connor finally stands to face Angel and admits that there is one thing he'd like. And then he suddenly attacks Angel, who quickly holds Connor's hands down. Connor quickly says, "Show me show me show me how you do that trick!" Effectively. Angel releases Connor's hands and confirms that Connor wants to learn how to fight, noting that he's already pretty good at it. Connor explains, "I want to learn." Then he looks straight at Angel and adds, "To be like you." That's great. Playing on Angel's ego. Awesome. I love this kid. Angel falls for it completely and grins as he admits, "There might be a thing or two that I could show you."
Down in the lobby, Angel gives Connor a lesson in kung fu. Gunn plays the role of vampire, holding a cushion to his torso so that Connor can "stake" him. Fred plays the innocent bystander, and Angel and Connor fight a little while Angel says things like, "Where's your balance? You lose it -- you lose." They finish sparring, and Angel encourages Connor, saying, "You've got heart." As they prepare to start again, Fred says she wants to play the vampire. Gunn adds, "I wanna be in a hot tub with Strega." It's possible that I imagined part of that. Cordy enters and demands, "I wanna know who's cleaning this stuff up." Aw, Mom's home. She spoils all the fun. Connor insists that he wants to go on with the tutorial, and Angel gets all proud of his son while Connor continues to be secretly evil. Evil! Angel asks if Cordy wants to join them at the movies tonight. He also calls her "Cor," which is disconcerting. Especially since I've been watching a lot of Danger Mouse recently. At first, Cordy is all for it, but then she remembers, "Groo and I are supposed to have some one-on-one time." Angel's hair looks so much like a Q-Tip right now. Which is a joke I just stole from some article Johanna used to make me a collage, so I don't know who came up with it or I'd give him or her credit. Anyway, Angel awkwardly admits that Cordy should spend time with Groo, and turns back to the combat training. "Vampire?" he calls. Fred hops up and grrs while making her hands into claws. Angel corrects her, "Vampire. You're not in Cats." Fred pulls her hands down and grrs more quietly. It doesn't recap well, but that was very funny. They all prepare to enact another scenario as the scene ends.
Cordelia returns to her apartment with an armful of groceries. She calls out to Groo, "I got your favorites! Tuna and ice cream. How about tonight you try not mixing it [sic] together?" She spots Groo standing in her bedroom, and admires him for a minute before noting his sad expression and asking what's wrong. Groo stiltedly declares, "I am. Wrong. For you." Cordy makes a duh face as Groo insists, "I am not the one you love. He is." Cordy wonders, "Who he?" Oh dear.
Cary knocks on the door to Angel's room and enters to a chipper greeting from Angel. Cary's wearing a white suit with a deep red shirt. I love his wardrobe. Cary just dropped by to say goodbye, and to work in one last nickname: "Angel-hair." Cary also gives Angel a goodbye gift: a CD titled, Songs for the Love -- Lorne. (Because of his name technically being Lorne and not Cary, and don't think I don't get a lot of email about that.) Angel figures out the joke, and Cary apologetically admits, "My publicist's idea. Her name is mud now, but the tunes are good." Angel's head is down to look at the CD, which is bad because his hair is so insane. I thought I'd gotten over it, but maybe I'd just become immune, only when the light catches it so you can see how there are random bits sticking up -- it's crazy! He has crazy hair. It's so startling when I notice it. Cary adds that his real gift is something else, and then tells Angel, "The way you feel about Cordelia is pretty much exactly how she feels about you." Yes! I agree: they're very good friends, and they care about each other. And that's all! Now we get into some fancy-shmancy editing stuff, so bear with me.
Cordy tells Groo, "I love, you know...us." Well, that's very convincing.
Back to Cary, who insists that Angel and Cordy are "so obviously connected." Ew.
Groo says, "You finish each other's --"
"Sentences," Cary finishes. Do they?
Well, you get the idea. We cut between Groo and Cary, who are putting all kinds of terrible ideas into Angel's and Cordy's easily bewildered minds. Look, just because they both have freaky hairdos doesn't mean they're in love! Okay? And yes, I am going to hold fast to the fact that everyone else keeps shoving them together romantically, but they keep resisting the idea. It's that or go crazy. Groo tells Cordy that he's been "struggling to find the courage to do what is right." Cary insists to Angel, "Sometimes things do work out." Cary heads out, and Angel says goodbye. Cordy tells Groo that she doesn't know what to say. Groo whimpers, "Tell me I'm wrong." He's wrong! He goes on, "[Tell me] that I should stay. That you love only me." Cordy blinks and looks confused. Well, yeah, I don't want him to stay, but that doesn't mean Cordy loves Angel. Groo picks up a couple of bags, and I wonder if he's taking all of his faux-Angel clothes back to Pylea with him. Cordy stands alone in her apartment looking scared at what freakish storylines may descend upon her , and rightly so.
Angel, Connor, Gunn, and Fred are at the drive-in. My somewhat reliable sources have informed me that they're watching the combat scenes from Courage Under Fire. No wonder Connor turns murderous: he's been forced to watch a Meg Ryan movie. Connor is focused on the movie, while Fred and Gunn are, as usual, talking about food. Fred's character development this season has essentially consisted of the fact that she eats almost as much as she talks. Her hair looks nice here, though. Gunn heads out to get a popcorn refill. Connor jumps as a plane in the movie zooms toward them, and Angel reassures him, "It's just make-believe." A helicopter flies past in the movie, and another helicopter suddenly appears over the screen, with a spotlight aimed down at the cars. Connor points toward it and asks, "How'd they do that?" Heh. Gunn turns back to look as the helicopter hovers over the Angelmobile, and commandos begin to descend toward them.
When we return from commercials, Angel is hopping out of the car with Connor, prepared to do battle. Because he's an idiot. Dude, you're in a car. Go pick up Gunn and drive away. I think it would be funny if they just drove off about fifty yards, and the commandos climbed back up into the helicopter, flew over to them again, dropped out, and then they drove another fifty yards, and so on. I bet the commandos would get pretty irritated by that. Oh well. Instead we get fighting. Gunn rushes over and tackles a couple of commandos.
We cut to a nearby van, inside of which Linwood and Gavin are watching the fracas on a bunch of TV screens. Where are the cameras? In other cars? Plus, this van really should be parked in the back row, because it's probably blocking the view of the people behind it, which just shows how evil Wolfram & Hart people are. Linwood chortles, "Tie me up, threaten me with sharp objects, but don't let me go. Chowder head!" I don't know where "chowder head" came from. They watch Connor fighting, and Linwood says that he can't wait to "cut [Connor] open, see what makes him tick." Are we back to that again? That's such a dumb motive. Mysterious boy with super powers, who may be some kind of Apocalyptic force, and they want to dissect him instead of finding ways to make use of him. Whatever. Angel tries to shove Connor away, but Connor shoves Angel back and keeps fighting. Gavin said they expected Angel to protect Connor, but they didn't expect Connor to protect Angel. Fred makes herself vaguely useful by kicking a commando right in his giant demon testicles as he climbs over the car to get at Gunn. No one cares. Angel dispatches another commando, and from the helicopter we hear, "Abort! Abort!" The helicopter flies away, and Angel starts to advance on the van. Linwood orders the driver to get the van going, but Angel pulls the doors open and grabs Linwood while they're trying to start the van.
Linwood whimpers, "Now we're even," but Angel snaps, "Now you're dead!" Linwood asks whether Angel's going to kill a human in front of his impressionable son. Gunn shouts, "I vote yes!" while Angel replies, "You're not human." He's speaking metaphorically, not literally. As approaching police sirens become audible, Connor grabs Linwood away from Angel and hisses, "Stay away from my father." He shoves Linwood back into the van. Linwood insists, "We can help you, Steven." Connor declares, "My name is Connor." The MoG share a heartwarming moment, which would have been annoying except that we know that Connor's evil. Evil! Angel and Connor head back to the car.
At her apartment, Cordy stares at a picture of herself, Angel, and Wesley. She mutters, "I don't feel...And even if I did, it's impossible." Good girl. An echoey Cordy-voice adds, "It's ridiculous." Cordy agrees with herself, then looks up, startled to see a glowy image of herself in the window. I'm going to call the Cordy in the vision Future-Cordy, since that's what she is. Future-Cordy insists that on some level, she's always known it's true. Cordy, dumbfounded, asks, "I have? It is?" Future-Cordy shouts, "I'm in love!" Cordy, unconvinced, says, "I am? I am. With Angel, right?" Future-Cordy repeats, "With Angel!" Then Future-Cordy adds, "I'm scared. But I know it's right. I know somehow it's all gonna be all right." Cordy asks, "It is? Really?" Future-Cordy vanishes, and Cordy thanks herself. She should be cursing herself, but she's a little confused right now.
Angel, Fred, Gunn, and Connor return to the Hyperion just as the phone rings. Angel bounces over to answer it, whistling happily. He perkily answers it, "Angel Investigations. We can help you, I know we can!" It's Cordy, who asks how Angel is. Angel looks over at Connor, who looks at Angel innocently. Evil! He's great. Angel says he's fine, and Cordy says she needs to talk to him in person. Angel worries that it's bad news, and Cordy tells him, "No, it's something good! I think. Well, it sort of depends on how you feel." Angel asks, "About what?" and Cordy nervously answers, "About me." Zoom in on Angel, looking as if someone just hit him on the head with a frying pan, as he says, "Oh." She asks if he can meet her at the viewpoint at Point Dume. Angel repeats the directions, and agrees to be there in about an hour. They repeat "okay" at each other for a minute and finally hang up. Angel stares into space for a second. At her apartment, Cordy mutters, "Oh God, oh God." Angel tells everyone that he has to go out. Connor confirms he's meeting Cordelia, and declares, "She's beautiful. And she cares about you. I like her." He adds, "It's good to see you happy, Dad." Evil! Angel smiles happily and bustles about, humming to himself. Gunn and Fred are baffled by Angel's behavior, and Fred comments, "He's really happy!" She gets up, grabs a stake, and begins jabbing the stake into Angel's back as she says, "But not perfectly happy, I hope!" Angel winces and whines, "No! Ouch." Heh. Angel walks off, considerably less merry.
Aaaaaa! A shirtless Wesley suddenly appears on my TV. Ack. He says, "You know that sinking feeling you sometimes get the morning after? It arrived early." He rolls over and off of (ack!) Lilah. They're in bed at Wesley's. Lilah purrs, "It's like a little death. Several, in fact." Eeeeeeeeew. Wesley tells Lilah to leave, and she sits up, looking a bit messy and flushed. I wait for her to re-enact that Simpsons joke where she starts chugging RU-486, but I guess she can wait till she gets home. I hope Wolfram & Hart reimburse her for the therapy she's going to need after this. Lilah pulls on her shirt as she tells Wesley that he knows "how to channel [his] rage, frustration, and hate." Wesley replies, "You still here?" Lilah reassures him, "I'm not one of the doe-eyed girls of Angel Investigations. Don't be thinking about me when I'm gone." Wesley fires back, "I wasn't thinking about you when you were here." Lilah looks a bit stung by that as she puts on her skirt, but finally comes up with a rejoinder: "Your former boss has a soul, and you're losing yours. Why, you're just new all over, aren't ya?" She grabs her coat and bra and heads out the door, leaving Wesley to brood while she rushes to douse herself in disinfectant.
Angel arrives at Point Dume and looks around, then checks his breath. Again I say, ack. ["Plus I thought he didn't have breath." -- Wing Chun]
Cordy's zipping through traffic in her bright yellow Jeep. Her what? Um. I guess they divided up the "Provider" money and all bought cars. Except Gunn. He probably donated his share to his camp. Cordy checks her breath, too.
Angel checks his watch, his hair, and finally pulls out his cell phone. And then drops it over the edge of a cliff. "I hate those things!" he grumbles.
Cordy tells herself (but not in a visiony way), "We're just gonna talk like two grown-up adults. I have some feelings. You may have some feelings. He may not even know I'm insane until he hears my feelings." See! She thinks she must be crazy! I'm fighting this till the end. As Cordy drives along, she starts glowing, and complains "No! Not now!" Her car and the surrounding traffic slow and finally stop completely, frozen. There's a fun shot of a motorcycle and its trailing exhaust hanging motionless in the air.
Angel walks back toward his car and suddenly sees Connor walking up to him. Angel asks what Connor's doing, and Connor smiles, "We're family. And I wanna show you how I feel about that." With that, he lunges at Angel, tackling him so that they both go spinning off that dizzy edge and into a commercial break.
When we return, Angel and Connor stand up on the beach, and Connor attacks again. Connor repeats Angel's lesson: "It's all about balance. You lose it -- you lose." Then he tosses Angel across the sand. Well, at least Angel can comfort himself that Connor's making use of what Angel taught him. That's some consolation, I'm sure.
Cordy gets out of her car and looks around, which allows us to see that she's wearing the white ensemble that Future-Cordy was wearing. Suddenly Skip appears and says, "Don't be frightened," which, naturally, frightens Cordy. She asks him what's going on, and Skip replies, "I think you know." Cordy asks if she's dying, proving that she doesn't know, and Skip assures her that she isn't dying. Cordy smacks Skip on the arm and complains, "Say that part first!" Skip apologizes, and then tells her that she's a "great warrior," and that "the battle that we're all a part of is fought on many different planes and dimensions." He says that Cordy has become "a higher being." Yeah, I don't know either. She does look pretty here, though. And she's not making her eyebrows go pointy. Skip sums up the events of "Birthday" for folks coming in late, and adds, "The big test came when the Powers made you part demon. They bet the farm on you. Power corrupts, and they gave you a lot of power." Not to mention a high voltage. Skip says that Cordy has used her super-glow "to fight evil and heal Connor." Cordy adds, "And only that one time as a night light." Hi, Skip? She's known about the glowiness for less than seventy-two hours. That doesn't seem like enough time to really test her ability to withstand corruption. Cordy says, "It's ridiculous," signaling the start of the vision she saw earlier. This time she adds, "I'm just a somewhat normal girl who has visions, and glows, and occasionally blows things up with her crazy new power." She blew something up? Cool. Skip dreams of all the different ways she has to make herself glow. Cordy stares at Skip with wonder and declares, "I'm a higher being." Skip agrees, while across the nation optometrists report a sudden increase of people reporting muscles strained by excessive eye-rolling. Skip says that it's time for Cordy to move to a new level, and insists that she's ready. Cordy protests that she isn't, but finally concedes, "Maybe, if given enough time, I might even get used to the idea, but...." She looks at Skip and sadly asks, "I don't have enough time, do I?"
Connor kicks Angel's ass all over the beach. Angel finally manages to restrain Connor and demands, "Talk to me!" Connor stops struggling and agrees, but when Angel releases him, Connor pulls out a taser and blasts Angel in the face with it. Owie. Angel is knocked back into the waves, and now he's really going to be pissed, because he got sea water on his leather jacket. They fight some more, and Angel finally holds Connor underwater for a minute before pulling him up and shouting, "I don't know what the hell is wrong with you, but you're gonna talk!" Connor quickly jams a knife into Angel's side, then tasers him a few times until Angel collapses, unconscious. Connor stands up and pulls out a flashlight, which he uses to signal a boat offshore. The boat signals back, and we see that Justine's piloting a tugboat. She loves stealing vehicles, doesn't she?
Cordy complains to Skip about TPTB's lousy timing, explaining that she's about to have "the most important conversation of [her] life." Repeating her vision, she declares, "I'm in love! With Angel!" Nuh-uh. Skip says that her calling "transcends love," and Cordy complains some more about how she has to talk to Angel: "Why is he so far away?" She doesn't say, "Why won't he ever know that I'm in love with him. That I'm in love with him." She does, however, get teary as she asks if Skip can talk to Angel for her, which seems mean. It'd be a pretty strange Dear John letter: "Dear Angel, I love you but I've gotta go be a higher power. So, bye. Love, Cordelia." I don't think that would make him feel any better. Well, except for reassuring him that he'd just dodged a particularly nasty bullet, but I'm just saying a message seems pointless. It's all moot anyway, since Skip says he can't convey Cordy's message. Cordy gripes, "Then I'm not going! How can they possibly do this to me now?" She looks at Skip again and guesses, "This is the last test, isn't it?"
Angel is awakened by the sounds of power tools. He's in a metal box, bound with steel cables, and Connor is tightening the bolts on the box. Angel -- rather calmly under the circumstances -- asks why Connor's doing this. Connor answers, "You murdered my father." Angel swears that he didn't, and Justine comes over to insist, "He's lying." Connor calls Angel "the Prince of Lies." Angel helpfully fills in a blank by guessing, "That's why you wouldn't let them kill me at the drive-in. So you could." Connor none-too-reassuringly responds, "Killing is too good for you. You don't get to die. You get to live. Forever."
Skip nags Cordy to hurry up, and she grumps, "[If] I ever come face-to-face with those Powers That Be, we're going to have a talk." Skip says she's doing the right thing, and Cordy finishes her visiony requirements by repeating, "I'm scared. But I know it's right. I know somehow it's all gonna be all right." She asks what she should do, and Skip tells her to say "yes." Cordy says, "I already have." And then she's encased in cheese. Metaphorically. She gets glowy, and little yellow dots swirl around her as she slowly floats up off the highway. She smiles, dare one say, beatifically as she floats up, and this would have been so much more palatable if she'd had just one funny line. Even a simple "whee!" would have helped immensely.
Angel tells Connor, "Some day you'll learn the truth -- and you'll hate yourself. Don't. It's not your fault. I don't blame you." Aw, that's nice of him. Connor doesn't see it that way, though, and just calls Angel a liar again. Angel goes on shouting that he loves Connor as Connor and Justine lift a big lid up and onto the box. The lid shuts out the sound of Angel trying to be parental, but it does have a window so that we can see Angel making a very funny, very grumpy face. Hee. Look for it -- trust me. Justine and Connor slide bars into place to hold the lid on, and then Justine welds the bars onto the box frame. They're doing a lot to make sure we know that Angel is very, very securely held. Which is good from a long-term view, because it means we won't have to argue about how easy it would be for Angel to break out of there. But it's kind of dull to watch. Justine and Connor finish their work and then push the box off the boat and into the sea. It turns on end and slowly sinks. Angel is so lucky that he didn't sink upside down. That would really suck. Justine and Connor sail off, having traumatized a large-headed man with strange hair, and this all seems strangely familiar. Although it also gives me some ideas. Hey, Aaron? Lauren told me to tell you to meet her at Point Dume. No, really, I swear. (Psst, Jessica: You bring the steel cables, I'll bring the Mind of the Married Man tapes.)
We zip across Los Angeles and back to the Hyperion. Gunn comes downstairs as Fred asks if Connor was uninterested in a midnight snack. See, she eats a lot. And talks a lot. That's Fred for you. Gunn is wearing a violet shirt over a lemon yellow t-shirt. I love Gunn, but honestly, that's just awful. Gunn says that Connor isn't in his room, and Fred starts to worry about where the kid is. She suggests calling Cordy or Angel to let them know. Gunn says he tried to call them, but got no answer. Fred looks around and wonders, "Where'd everybody go?"
Cordy goes on floating away, suspended by nothing but a flimsy premise, and Angel continues sinking under the weight of a season's worth of confusing characterization. We see Angel staring out into the murky water. He looks pretty darn bored already. I bet he's hoping he lands near some interesting fish. Or maybe a sunken pirate ship! Or maybe he's just wishing his name were Hugh Williams. Cordy, soft and only, Angel, lost and lonely. Cordy goes up, up, up towards a bright star-type-thing, and is finally absorbed into it after single-handedly undoing half of the good things about this episode. And season, for that matter. As she vanishes, The Powers That Be jump out from behind other stars and shout, "April Fools!" At least that's what happens in my version. Sure, it's strange, but is it as strange as Angel's dancing in the deepest oceans, twisting in the water? It's just like a dream. Or possibly a nightmare. Angel's metal casket sinks out of sight as the credits roll. To quote Sahjhan, "Have a good summer."