Previously on Angel, Cordy got a haircut, Wes got a tracheotomy, Holtz got a baby, Lilah got a slashed palm, Linwood got some bruises, and Angel got a hug. While looking sad. Snicker.
Cityvert. Everyone is surveying the damage to Angel's room at the Hyperion. Groo starts on a lengthy introduction to some heartfelt advice, which can only mean that there's an unexpected punchline approaching. With the set-up complete, Groo goes for the big finish: "I beseech you to heed my words. Pomegranate Mist is the wrong color for this room." Get used to this comedy format; you'll be seeing it a lot. Fred supports the plan to redecorate, and Cordy insists that Groo "has good color sense." Cordy's opinion on matters of style is not terribly convincing. Groo suggests an orangey color, or perhaps "purpla." Angel wonders why Groo can pronounce "pomegranate" but not "purple." Groo explains, "It was my mother's name." Gunn heads for the door with some burned furniture, and Angel whines that it's an antique, and you know what? This whole thing with Angel's room is one of those metaphor things. I'm a highly trained recapper, so I can tell. And it's not actually important at all, it's just happening so we all understand that the MoG want to embrace change and move forward, while Angel wants everything to be just as it was. So we're all clear on that, right? Great, we can move on.
Angel picks up a snow globe and stares at it before rambling that he got it for Connor. I can't help expecting Melissa Gilbert to stroll in and perkily invite everyone to Z'ha'dum. Angel says, "It doesn't ever snow in southern California." Cordy quietly says, "It did once." It's unclear to me whether Cordy knows why it snowed. Of course, I don't exactly know why it snowed. Other than because it was a cheap way to avoid resolving some rather pertinent questions Angel had about his worth, but aside from that. So, if Cordy does know what led up to the snow, it's an odd thing to mention. Sure, on the one hand it's a little reminder that somebody out there likes Angel, but it's also like saying, "Hey, remember that time you were gonna kill yourself? Good times." ["I would link to the Buffy episode in which that happened, but it aired before this site existed, and we haven't recapped it. For those who haven't seen it, Angel was all haunted by visions of his past misdeeds, so he went and stood outside, waiting for daylight to come and kill him. Buffy went to try to convince him that he deserved to live, and that he should go inside before the sun came up, but he rebuffed her, and then suddenly it started to snow (for, as Strega says, no good reason, really), sunrise was delayed, and Angel lived. It was a Christmas episode, and you know how those are." -- Wing Chun] I'm spending too much time thinking about this one throw-away line, am I? Fine. Angel hops up and says that they should be doing their jobs, not working on his room. "We're neglecting our cases!" he chirps, and it sounds like his voice is changing, which just can't be right. Gunn says that they don't have any cases. Oh, come on, surely someone in this crowd has yet another dangerous secret or unexpected artistic interest which can suddenly involve them all in a dangerous situation? I think it's probably Fred's turn to be plot device, in fact. Angel stammers that they sometimes get walk-in clients, and hurries downstairs. "Never on Sundays," Cordy mutters. I can deal with Angel acting like a twit much better when the other characters notice that he's being a twit.
Downstairs, an actual, honest-to-goodness client walks into the lobby, calling, "Hello?" So they're just leaving the door open all the time? And they expect clients to wander into this deserted, run-down hotel? I'd always assumed people made appointments. The guy stares around -- the hotel set is still pretty, by the way -- and then realizes that he's standing in the faded pentagram. He looks sorta like Fishboy, so I don't like him. It eventually turns out that his name is Phil, so I'm going to stop calling him "the guy" now. Phil shouts a few more times, and fails to notice a see-through crawdad creeping over the front desk. Finally he mutters, "Probably couldn't find my dog anyway," and he's not wrong. He turns to leave, and the crawdad does an Alien face-hugger act, then improves on it by sliding into Phil's mouth. Ack. While this is going on, Angel hurries down the stairs and greets his visitor. Phil says, "I need..." Angel dorks around in response. He should be the poster child for manic depression. Phil turns, says, "We have to go," and exits. Angel figures that the pentagram has frightened Phil, and tries to explain that it's part of an old case, but it's too late -- Phil's gone. Credits.
Cordy enters the lobby, spots Angel staring at the floor, and asks, "When did we get the statue for the lobby? Oh, it's just you." Angel asks if they can clean off the pentagram, since it scared away a potential client. Hey, Angel, here's a thought -- you're the one who made it, so maybe you should clean it up. Cordy thinks it's more important that they have a heart-to-heart chat about what happened while she was gone. Didn't they just do this in the last episode? Angel isn't forthcoming, and Cordy says she wants to know "about that little five-pointed doodad decorating our lobby and the voodoo that you dood -- did -- over it." She snaps at Angel about doing "dark magic," which I guess means Cary is a big tattletale. She bizarrely insists, "I should probably know what kind of spell it was." Because she knows so much about magic? She goes on to say that there are "repercussions" for "using primordial powers." She must have been watching the other show, because since when have there been repercussions for anything these people do? Cordy also points out that "the one person who might be able to help us with that isn't around anymore." Angel glares at her, and Cordy slowly backs away from Wesley's name, but goes on with her insistent foreshadowing about consequences. Angel finally snaps, and summarizes the past few episodes in a couple of sentences in case anyone came in late. After griping about Wolfram & Hart and Wesley, Angel sits down and grouses, "Dammit, Cordelia, you got me talking about this!" Cordy says he probably needed to vent, and then asks why he didn't call her. Angel's lame excuse is, "I didn't want to mess up your vacation. I just thought one of us should be happy." Uh. Okay. He goes on to say that there was nothing she could have done, which causes Cordy to bluster about her visions. If she was going to have a vision, wouldn't she have, y'know, had it? Wherever she was? She helpfully expositions that she's part demon now, so maybe she has "some untapped power" she could have used. Wow, that was exposition and foreshadowing, all in one sentence! Very efficient. She finishes grousing, and Angel notes that Cordelia needed to vent, too. Cordy whines that she should have been there for Angel, and Angel stammers, "You...you were. I mean, you are. You're always...." He abruptly changes the subject and insists that he's trying to move on, and that he wants to think about something else. With that, he says that if Cordy wants to help him, she should find him a case to work on. If I were Cordy, I'd go get Angel some Encyclopedia Brown books. That'd keep him busy for days.
Blipvert to a smoothie shop. Customers are staring at Phil. He's chugging down two drinks at once and looking a little the worse for wear, with nasty sores on his face. He demands more drinks, and a worker notes, "I don't wanna be rude, sir, but you've been here for almost six hours!" Wow. I told you the days went fast on this show. The workers suggest that that Phil is sick, but Phil just holds out a credit card and demands more smoothies. Upon learning that they don't take credit cards, he shouts, "Water! Water, then!" One worker threatens to call the police, and is thrown across the store for his trouble. "We're! Thirsty!" Phil yells. The other worker starts pouring more smoothies.
Lilah and Gavin meet by the water cooler for some intra-office banter. A secretary in the background has an iMac. Ooo, I can't wait till they start giving some product placement to the new model. It's so cute! Anyway, it's Gavin's turn for exposition, as he mentions that Angel tried to kill Wesley, "bringing him one step closer to his dark side, and one step closer to us." Lilah sneers, "Dark side, shmark side. Remember a year ago? Wine cellar? Slaughter?" Ha! "Shmark side." Gavin dismisses that as an ill-resolved storyline, and insists that for Angel to attempt to murder a friend represents definite progress. Lilah suggests that they should "get those two wacky kids together again and see what happens." Which two? I think she means Wesley and Angel, but it's hard to be sure. Gavin goes from complimentary to snarky, and Lilah gloats, "Angel tried to kill his friend, kidnapped and tortured Linwood, and performed dark, forbidden magics, all on my watch." Having completed this round of filler, Lilah asks, "Can we stop feigning now?" Gavin says, "Sure," and they quickly walk away from each other. This stuff really makes me wish I'd seen Profit. A lot. Hint, hint.
Back at the Hyperion, Angel's sorting through stuff in the office. I bet he finds a lot of doodles that say "Wesley + Fred." Out in the lobby, Fred's moping that she keeps expecting to see Wesley at the desk, and can't they all just be one big happy family? Gunn snorts that Angel won't forgive Wesley "unless Wes comes back with that baby under his arm. And even then, Angel would probably kill him on principle." Wesley should try bringing them some other baby and pretending it's Connor. Angel might not notice any difference. All babies look pretty much the same, right? Gunn and Fred go on talking about what Wesley did. Again. In case we forgot all about it in the two scenes since it was last mentioned. Dear David Fury, I realize us kids are famed for short attention spans, but we can actually remember basic plot elements without this constant repetition. Love, Strega.
Maybe they were expositioning to get out of work, because Cordy and Groo are busy washing the pentagram off the floor. Or trying to. Cordy complains, "I've tried soaking it out. I've tried scrubbing it out. No question: we've got ring around the lobby!" Heh. They should try OxyClean! Cordy suggests covering it up with a "big-ass throw rug." They give up on washing the floor, and Cordy and Groo try to remind us that they're in love with a chaste kiss. It's so chaste, in fact, that there's no physical contact at all. As soon as they get within a few inches of each other, the camera cuts away. Which might be why I find them less annoying than I find Gunn and Fred.
Speak of the devil: Fred approaches as Groo goes to dump out a bucket of water. Cordy gushes about the wonderfulness of Groo, describing him as "a puppy dog. A sexy, well-built, go-all-night puppy dog." Yipes. Fred somehow isn't traumatized to death by that, and keeps trying to ask something. Cordy's mind-reading powers are activated, and she interrupts to say, "You want me to say something to Angel about Wesley. Sorry. Can't. Won't." Based on Fred's reaction, I'm shocked to realize that for once, Cordelia has accurately read someone's mind. That practically never happens. Anyway, Fred whines, "Can you imagine how much pain [Wesley's] in? How horrible he must be feeling?" Hi, Fred? If you're so worried about Wesley, maybe you should go visit him or something. With less self-righteous yelling than on your last visit. Why is she acting as if she can't talk to Wesley unless Angel forgives him? Sheesh. If I wanted to yell at people for meddling in each other's business instead of tending to their own, I'd watch The Real World. Cordy snaps, "Angel's feelings are the only ones I care about. He's my priority." Naturally, that's when Groo comes back in and stops dead to listen. Great, now it's Three's Company. Cordy goes on to remind us that she's part demon, because, once again, it's been two scenes since that was mentioned. Groo turns to leave because he knows about this already, and I wish I could follow him. Dear David Fury, I realize us kids are famed for short attention spans, but we can actually remember basic plot elements without this constant repetition. Love, Strega. P.S. See how annoying that is? I think I've made my point. Mid-exposition, Cordy suddenly has a vision of Angel getting tossed across the lobby. Actually, it looks like he's just attempting some kind of Gotta Dance spin away from the camera, and then tumbling to the floor. It's a lot more amusing if you think Cordy's having a vision warning her that Angel is going to try to dance. Cordy says, "Angel?" and he wanders out to see what's going on. Before Cordy can warn Angel against tap-dancing, Cary enters, wearing an overcoat and a trilby, and looking quite dashing in a Humphrey Bogart way, if I do say so myself. I like hats, okay? Cary says there's a "big brouhaha at the juice bar across the street."
Phil's face is starting to look like an ad for moisturizer. The other customers flee as he tosses the worker around and gulps down juice straight from the blender. As Angel and the MoG stroll inside, Cordy is gibbering about the vision she had, and Angel's trying to get her to focus on the problem at hand. On his way out, the worker warns them that Phil has "Ebola or something." Groo asks if that's "a weapon forged in magic," and Cary says, "No, forged in monkey poo." Long way for that punchline, but on the other hand who am I to judge? Angel goes toward the counter and tells Phil, "Okay, sir, you wanna just put down the super size?" Heh. Phil turns, and Angel recognizes him as the not-quite-client from that morning. Fred looks inside Phil's wallet and identifies him as "Phillip J. Spivey, from Inglewood." Angel edges closer to Phil and tries his customer service mannerisms again as he suggests that they go back to his office. It works about as well as it did before: Phil growls, "We're thirsty!" and tries to throw an appliance at Angel. Angel quickly punches Phil in the face, knocking him unconscious. And then he turns to the MoG and chirps, "Looks like we got a case!" Oh dear. He's getting gleeful again. Cordelia, why'd you tell him to focus on something besides Connor? Let him brood all he wants. It's better than the alternative.
Back at the Hyperion, Groo carries Phil into the lobby while the others follow. Phil is deposited on the couch, and everyone stares at the growing cracks in his skin. Angel sends Fred to get some water, and then says, "'We'?" Gunn says, "Glad you're having fun with this." Ha! Angel explains that Phil kept referring to himself in plural. Cordy says, "So he's pretentious," and tries to get back to worrying about Angel's dance routine. Angel dismisses her concerns: "Oh, gee. I'm in danger. What else is new?" Point. Phil is awakened by the sounds of Angel complaining. Angel adds that he wants to deal with someone else's problem, adding that "[Phil's] the one we should be concerned with, not me! This has nothing to do with me!" Naturally, that's when Phil stands, points at Angel, and declares, "This is all happening because of you! This is all your fault." And then Phil falls face-first to the floor, where he collapses into dust.
After the ads, Angel's whining: "How is this my fault? I was just trying to help him. What'd he go and say that for?" Heh. He's so defensive. Cary replies, "He didn't. That did." They watch as the see-through crawdad scoots out from inside Phil's torso and scampers away. I wonder if that's a Vorlon in its larval stage. Cordy hops up onto the front desk and squeals as it runs past her feet. I don't blame her a bit. Although the crawdads didn't bother me as much I expected. Mostly because of their translucence. If they'd been solid and looked like bugs and had all those legs waving around, I wouldn't have been happy. Well, I would have, because it would be scary, but you know what I mean. Fred describes the crawdad as "a big, ugly slug thing!" In my experience, slugs don't have feet, but Fred's the smart one. Oh, fine: I do have the benefit of seeing what the FX look like. They look around, but can't see where the crawdad went. Gunn asks what it was, and Angel, still defensive, insists that he can't imagine what this has to do with him. Cordy draws Angel's attention to the fact that Phil pulled his dust-to-dust routine neatly in the center of the pentagram. Well, that could be a coincidence, right?
Angel hands out weapons while Cordy reports that she's locked up the doors to prevent anyone else from coming in and getting a crawdad shoved down his or her throat. Angel hands Groo a sword, but Groo reaches past him to claim the battle axe instead. Angel snarks that the axe is "a little big for our purposes," and Groo sniffs, "I have had no complaints." I'm mentioning this because Angel's delivery of his "yeah, uh-huh, great," response amuses me. Maybe you had to hear it, though. Angel tells Cordy and Groo to go to the third floor and start the bug hunt. He adds that Fred should do some research and figure out what the crawdad is. Fred looks up from her efforts to vacuum the remains of Phil -- tee hee! -- and says she doesn't know where to look for that information. Angel suggests, "Start with Thaumogenesis." Off her confused look, he clarifies, "Creatures manifested as byproduct of using of dark magic." Then he squirms a bit under Cary's glare. Cordy worries that they should find out what the crawdad is before they start hunting it, but Angel's concerned that it'll get out of the hotel and infect someone else if they take too long. Fred and Gunn stay behind while everyone else heads upstairs.
Presumably after searching one floor, Angel and Cary go downstairs into a hallway which bears a startling resemblance to the eternal hallway from "Waiting in the Wings." Angel is still feeling defensive about causing this situation, barely giving Cary a chance to say "I told you so." He tells Cary, "I know there's always a price. The question is, is it one worth paying?" Woo, we have a title! Cary asks if the price was worth it this time, and Angel snaps, "No, that spell I did was for nothing. I didn't find my son, so now he's gone forever. So, you ask me, was it worth it? Would I do it again? In a heartbeat, because he was my son!" All righty then. Did you notice how he stressed that Connor is gone forever? And have you noticed the ironic tone of the episode so far? Yeah. Be afraid. Angel hears a rattling noise, and he and Cary step into a room.
Seriously, where the hell are they? Firstly, the entire room is painted a deep red. It looks like the number on the door is 524, and I'm having trouble working out how they got to the fifth floor of a four-storey hotel by going down a flight of stairs. Although, I do remember that the elevator shaft went down an awful long way so...wait, there are windows in the room. Oh, I give up. I'm also wondering why all the lights are on everywhere. Except that if I follow that train of thought, I'll start contemplating Angel's electricity bill, and that'll get me wondering about his money situation again, and we all know that leads to madness. Angel and Cary trace the noises to the bathroom, and slowly push the door open. Inside, the crawdad is slurping water out of the toilet tank. The crawdad stops and suddenly leaps out at them, causing both Angel and Cary to start back. Cary swings his sword up and smashes the light, and the crawdad turns out to be luminescent in low light. Angel grabs a dagger and tosses it across the room, pinning the crawdad. Cary stoops down to peer at it, muttering, "Now, that wasn't so --" And then the crawdad yanks itself free and scampers away. Whoops.
Meanwhile, Fred's back in the office, saying, "I hate this!" And this hates you right back, Fred. Gunn stares out at the lobby, freaking himself out: "That creepy crawly was seriously messed up. With those little feelers, or whatever they were, sticking out of its face. Slithering around like a worm with its slimy --" Fred explains that she meant the research. Because she hates research? Since when? She whines, "Everything on Thaumogenesis is so cryptic, and full of words I've never heard of like 'emoliatives,' and I have to keep cross-referencing Chauldon with Acathian Magics." Gunn tunes her out, and so do I. Because I think they're trying to build up how indispensable Wesley is, and you know what? He's dispensable. Extremely dispensable. He's probably recyclable as well. Fred whines some more, and comes close to mentioning Wesley when Gunn finally glares at her. Has it occurred to Fred that she might make more progress if she actually looked at the books for two minutes and shut her damn mouth? But no, Fred needs a pep talk from Gunn because she's afraid she'll fail. It's hard to believe, but one of my co-workers here in the majestic TWoP Tower offices has only now noticed how very annoying Fred is. Which suggests that impressive SAT scores don't necessarily indicate keen powers of observation. Although they may indicate an eccentric sense of style, if Jessica is to be believed. What? The show? Oh yeah. Gunn steps over to reassure Fred, which is why he doesn't notice when more crawdads start materializing out in the lobby. Gunn assures Fred that even if she can't find out anything in the books, "we can handle one little slug from hell." Two more crawdads creep across the floor. I think that the pentagram is a direct connection to the irony of fate. I wonder how long it will take the characters to notice. If one of them would just stand near it and say, "We'll never figure out what's going on," their troubles would be over.
At Wolfram & Hart, a box pops up on Lilah's computer demanding a password so that she can access "confidential email." Ooo. Lilah presses a button under her desk, which opens a secret panel in her bookcase, out of which she pulls a metal strongbox. She enters a code to unlock it, and then opens it to reveal a wooden box with enigmatic carvings, inside of which is -- eek! A tarantula! That spider got a pretty complicated entrance, didn't it? They have some very specialized office supplies. She sets the spider down on the number pad, and it walks along, supposedly entering the password. Insert your own joke about the worldwide web here. The email pops up. As far as I can make out, it indicates that the "Paranormal Disturbances Division" has noticed a "bio-plasmic infection" at the hotel. It adds that "preliminary psychic readings suggest the disturbance to be a result of thaumogenesis," and then mentions that the MoG have sealed the building while they try to take care of the problem.
As Lilah reads, her very own annoying pest appears in the form of Gavin. He asks if she got the email, and Lilah notes that Gavin shouldn't even know about it. Gavin replies, "There must have been a glitch in the server." He sits on the edge of the desk as he notes that the thaumogenesis is a result of the spell Lilah helped Angel perform. Lilah snarks, "Do you have a point, or are you just waxing my desk with your ass for fun?" Gavin says that whatever's going on must be dangerous. Lilah perks up at the thought that Angel might get killed, then realizes that, technically, Wolfram & Hart wants to keep Angel alive. Gavin notes that Linwood's on vacation and heads for the door with a perky "bye!" A stunned Lilah asks, "I'm supposed to go in there and save Angel?" Y'know, I could swear that, at some point last season, I mentioned in a recap that Johanna and I had discussed how funny it would be if Lilah and Lindsey had to run around protecting Angel because Wolfram & Hart wants him to stay alive. But now I can't find any mention of it. Maybe it was in the forums. I guess you'll just have to believe me when I say: hey! I had this same idea! And it's a good idea, too. So it's sort of a shame they just use it for filler, but I'll take what I can get.
Cordy and Groo stroll down a hall. Cordy moans that Angel must be guilt-ridden that his spell led to a man's death. Heh. Good to know her mind-reading skills are back to their customary levels. Groo mutters that Angel is Cordy's priority, and when she asks what he means, he mentions her conversation with Fred: "You said earlier that Angel's feelings were your only concern. He was all that matters." Cordy stops short and assures Groo that Angel is her work priority, but Groo is her "other stuff priority." It would be more convincing if she had a better name for that. She also calls him "Grooey," but I'm just going to let that go. Groo stares at her and lifts his axe, and Cordy gets nervous, but of course Groo is just taking aim at the crawdad on the wall behind her head. He misses it, and it jumps into a mail chute and vanishes. As they start to chase after it, they run into Angel and Cary. "We saw it!" everyone shouts. And then they make "uh oh" faces.
Back in the office, Angel shares the bad news that there are at least two, if not more, crawdads. He adds that they have one advantage, and Cordy wonders, "What? They glow in the dark? How is that gonna help unless we shut off all the lights in the...." Angel starts handing out flashlights, much to Cordy's displeasure. Angel gives Fred a lantern, leading me to wonder why Angel has so much camping equipment, and tells her to lock herself in the office and keep researching. Gunn sighs, "This just keeps getting funner and funner," prompting Angel to note that somebody has to go to the basement and shut off the power. Gunn says, "Nonononono..." Heh.
For reasons that I'm not clear on, they all go to the basement together. I guess I should be pleased that they didn't make the classic horror movie error, and send one person to the basement alone. I'm also confused because this is very different from the basement (with the boiler) in which Angel used to hang out all the time. I suspect that set got dismantled. Gunn and Angel go into the rubble-filled basement while Cordy, Groo, and Cary stand on the stairs to watch. I'm also not sure why the basement is dark even before the power is turned off. Angel spots something in a corner, but reassures Gunn that it was just a rat. Gunn doesn't like rats, y'see. Gunn finally gets to the circuit breaker and shuts off the power.
Upstairs, Fred looks around nervously and pulls the lamp closer. There is, naturally, a crawdad on the wall behind her. I don't understand why they think a closed door can keep a little bug out. Especially given the fact that they've been through an earthquake and had grenades explode in the place. But even if the hotel were structurally sound, I've noticed that bugs have a disturbing ability to get through the smallest cracks. Yuck. But I'm digressing, as well as giving myself the heebie-jeebies. The point is that Fred's in terrible danger. Excellent. She turns, and gets a quick scream in before the crawdad shoves itself into her mouth. Oh, that was a valiant little crawdad. Did you see how it tried to keep her from talking? It should get some kind of medal.
Angel and the others enter a new and different hallway, causing Cary to wonder where they are. Angel expositions, "South wing. We haven't found a use for it yet, so we just keep it closed up." Uh. Okay. Cordy hears something, and Angel agrees that it sounds like birds. They trace the noises to a set of doors that are padlocked. Cordy asks if they have a key for the lock. Angel gives her a funny look that I think means, "Have you forgotten my love for door-smashing?" and kicks the doors open. And then he gives her this totally Magnum P.I. eyebrow wiggle! Ha! I don't know if that was in character, but it really entertained me.
Gunn knocks on the office door, and Fred lets him in before quickly retreating to the desk, and -- hang on -- she locked the office door? To keep out the crawdads? She locked? The door? Because otherwise the small bugs would turn the doorknob and waltz right in, I guess. Fred sits down at the desk with her arm pulled up to hide her face. Gunn asks if she's okay, and Fred mutters, "Scared. Very scared." Gunn strokes her hair and reassures her. Then he sits down and suggests that maybe he and Fred should go on vacation, and suddenly his eyes are warm and happy and my lord, that is a handsome man right there. Phew. Fred mutters, "We have to get out of here." Gunn notes that he was just saying that, but stops as Fred suddenly breaks open the snow globe and starts to drink out of it. Ew. Gunn stares at Fred, horrified. You'd think he do that all the time, really. Fred finishes chugging the snow globe and tells him, "We're thirsty."
Angel and the others seem to have found a big ballroom. Angel tosses a couple of tables over, either checking for crawdads or because he like smashing things. The bird-call sounds are louder, but Cary is busy admiring the decor. He asks Angel, "Ever think of turning it into a nightclub?" Angel stares at him. I'm going to try to decide if that's a good idea. At least it would give Cary something to do. And I miss the karaoke. Gunn and Fred suddenly enter through an unbroken door. Fred gulps at a bottle of water as Gunn explains, "We have a serious problem." Angel sits Fred down on a table and tries to talk to her. Gunn says, "That thing is jamming her brain. I can't reach her." Fred whispers, "Angel?" Ouch. Gunn gets a little reaction shot there. I sense trouble in paradise. Yay. Fred says how thirsty she is, and Gunn says he'll get her to a hospital. Fred quickly tells him no, explaining, "It wants that. To escape, spread. You can't let it. Don't let us -- It! It will kill." She looks up at Angel and adds, "Oh, it really doesn't like you." Y'know, I like the crawdad. It forces Fred to stick to simple sentences. That seems worth the cost of a few gallons of water. Gunn starts to lead Fred away, determined to take her to a hospital. He points out that everything Fred just said could have been coming from the crawdad. Angel disagrees with a rather unconvincing "hey, you can't do this." He blocks Gunn's path and asks, "How is she gonna feel if taking her out of here causes more people to die?" Gunn snarks that all of this is Angel's fault, and Angel says he did what he had to do. It's amazing how comfortable Gunn is in lecturing Angel that he should consider the consequences of his actions, considering he sold his soul for a truck. Angel starts to say, "My son --" and Gunn interrupts, "Is dead. Fred's not." Angel looks like he's ready to resolve the debate with fisticuffs when Cordy steps in and insists that they have to stick together. "Where does it say that?" Gunn grumps. Right here in the script, Gunn. Luckily, Groo interrupts to announce that the bird-calls seem to be coming from under the floor. He hacks into the floor with the axe, and everyone joins in until I expect some kind of Wile E. Coyote scene where the floor collapses underneath them. But no, they just make a neat hole and peer down into it. Turns out there's a swimming pool full of crawdads underneath the floor. Cordy gasps, "Oh, my God. We have a pool?" And then a few crawdads skitter out toward them, and it's time to run away.
After some racing down hallways, they end up taking refuge in the kitchen. They have a kitchen, too! I guess that's less of a surprise. Angel and Cary lock the doors, which makes more sense this time, because they're swinging doors and the lock is the only thing holding them shut. The crawdads start hurling themselves at the doors, mostly to make a good scary effect as they splat against the little windows. Fred whimpers, "No more running! Too hot, too hot." Angel gets an actual idea, and turns on the stoves. He explains, "Cook the air, dry it out. Make it so uncomfortable for them [that] they won't want in." Flames shoot up from the grills, and I'm amazed that the gas is hooked up and working and given everything else going on, why not? Fred screams suddenly, and babbles, "Charles! Where's Charles?" He's not in the kitchen. Maybe he's on his way over to my place. I can hope.
At Wolfram & Hart, Lilah is on the phone saying, "Meet up with the Shaman exterminator in fifteen. SWAT team in place? Good." She barks some more orders, preparing to save the day as Gavin strolls in to ask what's going on. Lilah says, "I want to nip this in the bud before Linwood finds out." Gavin chuckles that it's a little late for that. Lilah dismisses the two commandos who are waiting for her, and asks Gavin to explain. Gavin needles Lilah that he has the number for Linwood's emergency cell phone, and she doesn't, nyah nyah. Lilah heads for the door, griping, "I've got to go save my immortal enemy." Gavin sighs, and points out that Linwood may have some "unresolved feelings towards the guy who nearly stuck a spike through his eye." Is he saying that Linwood has a crush on Angel? Lilah asks Gavin what Linwood said, and Gavin quotes, "Let 'em die. Let 'em all die." Gavin goes on to say that Linwood doesn't trust Lilah, she's overstepping her bounds, and she'll have to pay for the special ops team, and she has stupid hair. Okay, not that last one. Poor Lilah. Although, if she's just going to believe Gavin about this without getting any confirmation from Linwood, she deserves what she gets.
Gunn pounds on a door, which is finally opened by Wesley. Gunn says, "I need your help." I really, really think there should have been a scene with Gunn at least trying to reach Wesley by phone. If Wesley wasn't answering or something, fine, but I hate it when they make Gunn look stupid.
Fred is sitting on the kitchen floor gulping water while Cordy and Cary tend to her. Groo says that they can't fight their way past the crawdads. Can't they? If they keep their mouths closed, how dangerous are the crawdads? It seems as if a ski-masks would constitute an effective defense. Angel marches over to Fred and grabs her water bottle. Fred lunges after him, and Angel shoves Fred against the wall and tries to interrogate the crawdad. Johanna says, "Fred's a lot more tolerable with a slug inside her." Which is true; she's acting creepy but speaking in normal tones. Not to mention the fact that she's speaking a lot less than usual. All of which seems to make her more appealing. Angel asks what the crawdads want, and Fred says, "To live. To drink." She cackles creepily and adds, "And be merry! It hurts us. We have to get out." The pipes near the ceiling shake, for some mysterious reason. Maybe there are crawdads in the pipes? Fred says, "We have to flee. It brings pain. Such pain." Angel asks what's chasing the crawdads, and Fred answers, "The bringer of torment, agony, death. The destroyer." Must. Resist. Noxon joke. Angel asks why the Destroyer is after the crawdads, and Fred says it isn't: "It's coming after you. Angel." Angel spends the commercial break being puzzled.
At Wesley's apartment, Gunn briefly explains that he doesn't want to be there, and tells Wesley about the crawdads. Wesley hoarsely asks, "Why come to me? I'm sure Angel will figure out a way to kill them eventually." Heh. I like the "eventually" there. Gunn says he needs to cure someone who's infected, and Wesley makes various "gosh, that's a problem. all right" noises until Gunn says, "It's Fred." At which point Wesley chuckles, "Oh, the little trollop who yelled at me in the hospital? Yeah, I'm strangely unconcerned about her problems." Oh wait, he doesn't. He just stares for a minute and pulls a bottle of vodka out of a cabinet. Gunn starts to complain, but Wesley whispers, "I was dying. Throat cut, life pouring out of me. You know why I fought to live again?" Gunn sniffs, "Wes, I don't have time." Snicker: "Can you tell me a story about your near-death experience some other time, Wesley? I'm kind of in a hurry." Wesley goes on, "I wanted to live to see my friends again. To explain to the people I loved and trusted my side of what happened." Wesley, what's to explain? You kept secrets from people, got tricked by a hamburger, went a little nuts, and fell victim to hubris. At least you've got a classical tragic flaw; that's some consolation. Wesley tosses the bottle to Gunn and says, "I'll help because it's Fred, but don't come here again. Any of you." Got that? If it was anyone but Fred, he'd let them die because they hurt his feelings. I hope Justine drops by to visit him.
Groo has turned his axe into a makeshift torch and is waving it up near the pipes to keep the crawdads away. Fred's still whining about how thirsty she is. Angel demands to know where the crawdads are from, and pours some of the water out onto the floor. Fred shrieks and attacks Angel ineffectively. He grabs her shoulders, and Fred mutters, "You're gonna die so horribly...." Then a long crack appears on her cheek, and she gasps for Angel to help her. Angel hands Fred off to Cary and tells everyone to help shut off the ovens. Angel says they have to get Fred to the hospital. Cordy worries about that whole infecting-the-city-with-crawdads problem, but Angel says that they have to take care of Fred. As the stoves are turned off, Angel starts turning the sinks on instead. Groo asks how they'll get past the crawdads, and Angel says he'll keep them busy "by giving them what they want."
Water pours out of the overflowing sinks and onto the floor. Angel instructs Groo, "Damsel in distress. You know what to do." Groo obediently picks up Fred. Heh. On Angel's cue, they open the doors and watch as crawdads start skittering into the room and making for the water. Cary hops over them and leads the way out, but Cordy returns to fight with Angel. Groo stares at her for a second and then follows Cary, with Fred in his arms.
Cary and Groo make it out to the lobby just as Gunn enters and orders them to put Fred down. Fred is set down on the steps, and Gunn tells Groo to hold her down while he opens the vodka. He puts the bottle to her lips and tells her to drink, which she does for a minute before shoving him away and spitting out some of the vodka.
Back in the kitchen, Angel and Cordy are hacking away at the crawdads. Angel gets one as it launches itself through the air at them. A second one gets past him, and Cordelia catches it. She stares up, frozen, as it wraps itself around her hand.
Gunn forces more vodka down Fred's throat while Cary and Groo hold her. She spits again, and this time a crawdad comes out. Yuck. Groo grabs a sword and spears it. Gunn sits down to a crying Fred. Oh, she's one of those depressed drunks. Great.
Cordy keeps on staring at the crawdad she's holding. Then she looks radiant. I mean, glowing. Or maybe just overexposed. She lowers her arm as she gasps, "What's happening to me?" Only much more slowly than that. And then her super glow-power blasts out. Look, I didn't write the script, okay? She glows really, really brightly, and Angel covers his eyes. Everyone in the lobby is also blasted with light, and then there's an exterior shot of light pouring out of every window on the Hyperion. And then it fades away.
In the lobby, the lights come back on as Cary asks, "Can I be the first to say, what the hell was that?" Sorry Cary, but I think several million audience members beat you to that question. Angel and Cordelia stride in as Angel answers, "That was Cordelia." I'm just going to assume that, on their way to the lobby, they stopped to turn the power back on. I know the timing is strange, but maybe Angel used his very-quick-speed or something. Apparently "that was Cordelia" is the sum total of the explanation, and the MoG seem perfectly satisfied with it, so who are we to be confused? Don't answer that. Groo tells Cordy, "You are truly a goddess." She hugs him, and admits, "Beats horns and a tail." Cary takes offense, and Angel goes to check on Fred, who's recovering on the couch.
Gunn nervously explains, "I, uh, got this idea. Alcohol. Dehydrates the body, gets the slug out." Angel stares at Gunn, who goes on a big defensive speech to the effect that he wasn't abandoning them, but he had to get help, and he did what he had to do, and we get it, for heaven's sake. I like to think that Angel was just staring at Gunn because there was lint on his shirt or something. Gunn finishes his heartwarming message of brotherhood and understanding, or whatever it was, and he and Angel kiss and make up. Figuratively. Angel says, "So, we're good?" Cary interrupts to note that they aren't at all good, because there's some creepy Destroyer coming to visit. Seems like that's just Angel's problem, though. Fred sits up and blurts, "I remember the Destroyer's coming!" She must be cured, because her voice is back to its usual irritating squeal. Swell. Cordy asks whether Fred has any idea when the Destroyer is coming. I doubt there was anyone who didn't say this line along with Fred: "I think...now."
Everyone turns as crackles of light start to flash over the pentagram. There are roaring noises, and more lightning, and then a very large, reasonably cool-looking CGI monster falls out of nothing into the lobby. Everyone stares at its big horns and teeth as it roars at them unpleasantly. And then a tyrannosaurus suddenly lunges through a wall, gobbles it up, and stands there triumphantly as the Jurassic Park banner flutters to the ground. Wait, no, I got confused there. But it's basically the same scene. What actually happens is that there's another flash, and a teenager summersaults out of nothing and lands to what I'm choosing to believe is the Destroyer. The kid immediately swings what I think is a sword at the Destroyer's head, which topples instantly. The camera zooms up the kid's Army of Darkness outfit, and I start laughing for some reason. Maybe I was just feeling gleeful about all the references to movies I could make when describing this scene. The kid (will it ruin the suspense if I just tell you it's Connor?) lifts his arm and points what I think is a wrist-mounted stake-launcher at Angel and says, "Hi, Dad." Heh heh heh. It's just funny. I can't explain why
time, Connor tries to prune his family tree.