Props to Las Vegas, and to the WB spies who infiltrated MBTV so that they could make this episode one gigantic shout-out to us. And props to Johanna for watching three hours of television with me last Tuesday, and letting me use her jokes.
The show opens with a green, horned, Tarantino-chinned demon stepping into the frame. He raises a microphone and sings the opening to "I Will Survive." All those ugly, bad, painful, "strange and off-putting" memories of the Buffy premiere are blotted out, because I just love this song. But before the chorus, the white-jacketed demon breaks into patter: "Oh, you know what I'm talking about. In this city, you'd better learn to get along, 'cause L.A.'s got it all." With occasional blipverts as visual punctuation, he tells the crowd that Los Angeles contains glamour, heartache, and "nasty, ugly, hairy fiends that suck out your brains through your face." He concludes: "You never know what's coming . And let's admit it, folks...isn't that why we love it?" He intones, "I will survive / Hey, hey" as we fade out.
Cut to Cordy, who is asking, "But why, Johnny, why?" Johnny says it's over. Is there anybody out there who didn't know this was a scene Cordelia was playing? No? Didn't think so. Let's just skip to the part where the acting teacher tells Cordy, "This is exciting work," demonstrating her own impressive acting skills. I'm going to break with tradition and not complain about Cordy's shirt, only because I can't even figure out how to describe it. Cordy's beeper goes off, and she sees "911" on the display. "Duty calls," she says, and hurries out as the soundtrack blares into something like life.
Wesley is winning at darts in a bar. He's wearing a yellow sheer-and-shiny shirt, which even Xander wouldn't put on, over a white v-neck T-shirt. And he's attracting the attention of an attractive blonde extra. All you bachelors, the secret's out: nothing gets the babes like evidence that you've got nothing better to do than hang out in a bar for hours and hours practicing at darts. Oh, I just melt thinking about it. Anyway, cue Wesley's beeper, cue the non-physical non-comedy, and away we go.
Cordy and Wesley stride into a gym along with some big lummox dressed entirely in black. He looks familiar...wait, I'd know that hairdo anywhere! It's Angel! They stomp through the gym while an employee whines that it's a private club and they need a guest pass. Wesley says, "This seems a tad public for a Praetorian sacrifice." Angel replies, "It's a Carnyss demon and they love muscles and mirrors." The useless gym employee stops in the middle of threatening to call the police when he notices that Angel's reflection is absent from the mirror in front of them. Angel says, "I'll fix that," and kicks through the mirror. In a alcove behind the mirror are several bound captives and a few demons carrying various slice-and-dice implements. Cordy grabs a handy weight as Angel and Wesley make with the fisticuffs. Wesley manages to look competent in battle. Cordy drops the weight onto what we can probably assume is the head of an unconscious demon. That's just rude. The baddies are killed, the hostages are freed, Angel and the Ministers of Grace (Hamlet, I, iv, and yes, I was an English major) stride out in formation. Angel delivers a parting quip, but let's pretend he didn't, because the credits are rolling.
Only a few new shots in the credits, including one of Wesley holding a glowing orb of some kind. I'd hope it was an Orb of Thessaly, but since there's a tame Angel standing behind him, it probably isn't. But let's all stand up and clap and cheer and scream with fan-girl delight because Mr. J. August Richards, Gunn himself, is in the credits. Okay, you don't have to. I can do it all by myself. Yay, Gunn! Well, that was a pretty good episode, I thought, if a bit short on character development. What? There's more? That was just the teaser? Wow, I'm out of practice at this. Bear with me.
A blipvert deposits us at Cordy's apartment. Apparently Angel and the MoG have set up a whiteboard to track their cases. One case features someone or something called Zaroh: "First seen 10/7 ["My dad's birthday. Shout-out?" -- Wing Chun]; killed two police officers." The "Progress" column indicates: "Beheaded -- reborn -- torched." Case closed. Heh. Cordy and Wesley are arguing about entirely different things: Cordy thinks Wesley has changed his mind about what kind of demon was at the gym, but it turns out that Wesley is trying to guess what Wolfram & Hart summoned in the season finale. Meanwhile, Angel toys with some knickknacks that are sitting on a counter in preparation for Cordy's role in The Glass Menagerie. He interrupts the standard bickering to speculate about joining a gym, but I'm distracted by his shirt, which seems to be too small in the shoulders, and his hair, which has grown out in such a way that the "I'm too cool for a comb" look has mutated into the "I'm trying to grow a mohawk" look. Cordy tells Angel, "You don't have to work out. You're eternal." He whines, "I may not always be," in response. Angel, come over here so we can look up "eternal" in this unabridged dictionary. And then hold still while I smack you over the head with it. Thanks. By the time I'm done with that, Cordy has paused in mid-boring-sentence and put one finger up in the air. Angel drops one of the knickknacks to the ground, smashing it, as he and Wesley rush to her side and say "Vision!" in unison. Jinx! Cordy sneezes. Wow, what a completely predictable anti-climax. Kinda like the Buffy premiere. Whoops, did I say that? Angel apologizes for smashing the glass figurine, and Cordy asks, "Why can't we work out of Wes's?" Angel explains that they really can't afford to build yet another new set, and promises that they'll have a new office soon. Cordy sneezes again, and then has a vision. Finally. She sees a blurry orc (I know I've used orc already, but so help me, they all look like orcs to me.) Cordy describes what she saw, and Wesley writes "NDUO" on the whiteboard, which stands for "Nasty Demon, Unknown Origin." No, it really does.
Cut to the Wolfram & Hart building. Lilah's on her cell phone, telling someone that if they don't sign a contract, "we'll sue your ass off and kill your children. Just kidding, Donald: nobody wants a lawsuit." See, that's funny, because -- wait, no, it isn't really funny. My mistake. She hangs up and steps into Lindsey's office. Lindsey is struggling to open a jewel box with his prosthetic hand. Every time Johanna sees Lindsey, she says, "He's only got one hand!" and giggles for a while. Which isn't that amusing to hear about, but it's a riot to see, so I thought I'd mention it. I'm horribly disappointed that calling him "the Clawyer" (tm LuluB) will make no sense, since he doesn't have a claw. On the other hand (heh!), who's gonna stop me if I decide to do it anyway? Nobody, that's who. So: for all the money he's presumably making, you'd think the Clawyer could afford something a little more useful than the immobile mannequin hand they seem to have grafted onto his stump. Maybe he's saving his money for something he needs more. Like a haircut. He tells Lilah, "She likes Chopin and Brahms. She's not too fond of the Russians." Lilah turns to gaze at our old pal Darla, who seems mesmerized by the small desk globe sitting on a shelf. Who knew she was a geography nut? Lilah uses a particularly cloying voice to say, "Hello Darla. How are you doing today? Feeling any better? It's a beautiful day outside..." Johanna points out that it's not very nice to tell vampires how lovely the fall weather is. The Clawyer cuts to the chase and simply says, "Lilah, shut up." He and Darla talk about music, and finally Darla takes a deep breath and says, "He's here." "Chopin?" Lilah wonders. The Clawyer ignores Lilah, as do we all, and says, "Angel. He's here in town. You can feel him." Darla says she always could. Ew. She adds, "He killed me. I remember now...With a soul in his heart." Darla's got the wiggliest eyebrows since Mr. Spock. The Clawyer says, "He's taken from both of us. So when you feel ready, we'll start thinking about giving a little back." I think he meant, "taking a little back." If Angel's taken from them, they don't really want to give him more, right? Darla simpers, "Angel...it's been a long time...I'd love to see that boy." Four years? Is that really a long time when you're 400? Oh yeah, time works differently in hell. Convenient, that.
Angel is sketching a picture of the demon Cordy saw in her vision. Well, actually, he's just erasing little bits of the drawing that someone else made, but we're supposed to think he drew it. Angel says, "Wes, I'm thinking Northern Pakistan, Hindu Kush." The Hindu Kush is a region, and also a plant, and it'd be interesting to know to which of these they were referring. That's all I have to say about that. Oh, and I'm not calling him "Wes." You can't make me. But I will call him "Wuss." Happily. Wuss starts toward a stack of books, saying "I need Soleman's Compendium." A volume in the middle of the stack suddenly shoots out at him and whacks him in the shoulder. Yay, Phantom Dennis! Cordy tells Wuss not to shout, and that "Dennis is very sensitive. He's just trying to help!" Wuss tells Angel that they need an office. Cordy squeals as she recognizes one of the pictures in the book, and the latest orc variant is identified as a Prio Notu demon.
Angel reads the entry: "Ancient Ofga-beast, bred to maim and massacre." Angel updates the whiteboard and wonders how they can track down the baddie. Wuss has an idea: "I've been broadening our contact base, reaching out to the underlife. I may have someone who can help. A parasite demon named Merl." Cordy suggests that they visit Merl and "make with the chin music until he canaries." Off their puzzled looks, she explains, "I've been watching a little noir festival on Bravo." (Bravo, of course, carries Twin Peaks, recapped by the fabulous Djb. Shout out?) Wuss goes on to say that Merl hangs out in a "safe house" for demons, and that he's been meaning to take Angel and Cordy there. "But..." he hesitates, "it's a little outside the box."
A green Narn sings the Pointer Sisters' "I'm So Excited!" A thug enters the karaoke bar and submits to a weapons check while the Unholy Host mingles with the crowd. We went to a karaoke bar in Vegas. Shout-out? Angel and the MoG sit at a table while the Unholy Host joins in on the final chorus. Just a tip, but if you really want to get the joint jumping, try "All Night Long." The Unholy Host introduces "Mordar the Bentback," and someone in Oz's werewolf costume, with added horns, shambles onto the stage. The Unholy Host escorts the green Narn off the stage and says, "Liz, I know it's hatching time and you're looking forward to that, but there's more to life than eating your young! Now, let me tell you what I see in your aura..."
While Mordar moans to "Sexual Healing" in the background, Wuss sidles up the bar and sits down to yet another green demon. Was there a discount on green at the makeup counter? Merl, who sounds oddly like Christian Slater, complains "Keep that blood-sucker away from me," when Angel sits to him. Angel tries to look mysterious and sexy, and it's about as enticing as watching Rae Dawn Chong eat a hot banana. Wuss points out that no violence is permitted in the bar, and slides an envelope of cash towards Merl. Angel must be auctioning off his weapons on eBay. After demanding even more money, Merl admits that the Prio Notu demon likes being underground, "so he'll be travelling in one of those sub-tunnels off the Redondo line." The gang turns to leave, but the Unholy Host is right behind them. He tells Angel, "Love the coat. It's all about the coat." Since I just splurged on a new trenchcoat, I have to agree. He continues, "Welcome to Caritas? Y'know what that means?" Angel says that it's Latin for "mercy." The Unholy Host deadpans, "Smart and cute," which he must have meant sarcastically. He invites Angel to perform, but Angel says, "I don't sing." "Neither does Mordar the Bentback," the Unholy Host replies. "That cat's a foghorn on two legs." I cannot dispute his analysis. Wuss explains to Cordy that the Unholy Host is "anagogic." Cordy says that he looks like he eats enough. "Like Cordy, of all people, wouldn't know the word 'anorexic,'" Johanna declares. Although, I must admit, she is looking healthier in this episode. Wuss clarifies that the Unholy Host is "psychic, he's connected to the mystic. When you sing, you bare your soul." But we knew that already, after seeing Omar's heart-rending performance of "Lady." Oh, you weren't all there for that, were you? Bummer for you.
Cordy encourages Angel to step up to the microphone, but Angel snarls, "Who's the boss here?" The Unholy Host observes, "I know you're feeling smooth, in the groove. Isn't that the thing that comes before a fall?" I can't believe he didn't say anything about Angel's hair. I mean, seriously, it's unbelievably strange. Angel says, "There's three things I don't do: tan, date, and sing in public." And off he stomps. He left out "dance." As Angel exits, the Unholy Host wonders, "How fabulous would I look in that coat?" I like that guy. And if there's anyone who thinks this character was designed in the hopes of adding some of the old Doyle whimsy without the old Doyle pointlessness, all I can say is, you're probably right.
I have no idea where this scene takes place. It looks like a cave which opens into an alley underneath a bridge. Like they just smooshed all of their atmospheric sets together into one incoherent mess. Angel strides along in this...place...and stops as a young woman walks into view and is startled by him. A moment later, the Prio Notu demon lunges out at Angel. Thank god there's a fight, because this recap is running long already. Let the clobbering ensue. I'll just stop to mention my favorite bit of closed-captioning ever, when Angel grabs the demon around the neck and the captioning reads "[chokes]." Then the demon's neck goes snap. The girl, who has watched dully throughout the big fight sequence, rushes to the demon and cradles his head, moaning, "What did you do?" Oops.
After the ads, Angel gasps an explanation: "I thought he was going to hurt you." The girl, who we can now see is pregnant, says, "He was my protector!" Honey, maybe you should have mentioned that before, while they were fighting? Angel insists that he helps people, and asks what the demon was protecting her from. "Things you couldn't handle!" she says, "Like the tribunal!" After telling Angel to stay away from her, she stumbles off.
Angel tells the MoG that he kinda sorta killed a good guy. He fails to notice how Cordy's hair has taken on a life of its own, since it goes from being draped over her shoulder to hanging down her back in mere seconds. Hi, continuity department! I'm sorry, but I notice these things. Wuss complains, "What, we're supposed to think a creature like that can suddenly change its modus operandi overnight, turn into some noble protector and defender of..." The tragic irony wallops him over the head. Cordy guesses that Angel was supposed to help the demon instead of killing him, and then tells the heavens, "Thanks for the obscure vision! We're doing great with that!" Angel decides that he should take on the demon's burden, and asks the MoG to figure out what the tribunal might be. Wuss tries to comfort Angel by saying, "You didn't know." Angel pulls on his coat and replies, "I'm thinking somebody did."
Merl is thrown up against a fence that looks a lot like the one Spike was cornered at in "In the Dark." Except Spike wasn't really cornered, because he's smarter than that, and then they dragged Angel away in chains and tortured him, and Spike made fun of him, and [dreamy sigh] where was I? Oh yeah. Angel demands that Merl tell him the truth. Merl admits that there's a bounty on the woman, or more specifically, on the child she's carrying. "The kid, a daughter. She's supposed to be some kind of powerful, benevolent -- I don't know." Slayer. The word you're looking for is "slayer." Merl suggests that he and Angel could get quite a bounty for the woman, but Angel doesn't seem keen on that idea. He asks where the demon lives, and Merl says, "Boyle Heights, somewhere underground, near the water and power. Kind of an iffy part of town if you know what I'm saying." Angel tosses Merl against the fence once more for luck and leaves.
Gunn and two Found Boys step out into a nearly empty parking lot. We aren't supposed to know it's Gunn, because his face is hidden by the hood of his sweatshirt, but it's a black man and this is Angel, so what are the odds it isn't Gunn? They start to approach a guy who's about to get into his parked car. The guy spots them when they're still quite a distance away and immediately takes off running, shouting, "Just take the car!" What a goober. The Found Boys pursue, and suddenly a vampire lunges out at the goober. Gunn throws his hood back, revealing his face to our collective non-surprise and tackles the vamp. Insert stake A into vamp B. Poof. The goober whimpers, and Gunn tells him, "You should probably go home now." The goober scampers back toward his car. Gunn shouts, "Uh, you're welcome?" after him. Then Angel steps out of yet another concealed spot and commiserates with Gunn about the lack of good manners in the world today. They should open up a club in this parking lot, considering how many people there are hanging around in it. Angel asks if Gunn is doing well, and Gunn throws his arms out to the sides and replies, "Picture of health and harmony." He's cute. I haven't had an opportunity to mention that for a few months. He's even cuter when he ads, "Look at you, dog! You haven't aged a bit." Hee hee! He called Angel "dog." Hee hee! Angel says that, as usual, he needs help. Gunn tells the other Found Boys, "Sweep Olympic up to Broadway. I'll hook up with y'all back at the crib." Angel stares down at the ground, possibly thinking "I wish I understood this crazy street talk of theirs." He tells Gunn that he's looking for the Prio Motu demon's home. "It'd be underground, somewhere near the D.W.P."
For a second I think I'm watching Highlander as we suddenly pan upward and cut to Angel and Gunn walking around in a tunnel. Wow, that was disconcerting. I almost miss the blipverts. Gunn tells Angel that he's been patrolling the tunnels since clearing out a vampire nest last year. He also calls Angel "bro." Snerk. Gunn mentions that a local landlord provides a home for him and the Found Boys in exchange for their patrolling the neighborhood. I assume this means we'll see his place eventually, and now we won't have to wonder how he pays for it. Good planning there. Angel explains that the Prio Motu was killed while protecting a pregnant woman, and then admits that he was the one who killed it. Gunn notices a new vent that turns out to be a hidden door.
In a small sunken room inside, they discover a raggedy blonde girl clutching a broken doll. "They mostly come out at night. Mostly," she lisps. Now that's a crossover event I'd like to see. Okay, so actually they just see a bare little room with a futon, some boxes, and a small golden Buddha. Angel starts poking through the books, while Gunn makes straight for the katana. "Kamal," Angel mutters. "That was his name." What, did he write it inside the front cover of his books? "This book belongs to Kamal. If found, please return to the hidden room behind the vent in the tunnels." Angel then turns his attention to a box, and opens the lid. Then he closes it and opens the hidden drawer in the front. I assume it was hidden, since the captioning said, "[hidden drawer pops open]" but I guess it wasn't hidden all that well. Angel pulls out a large bronze disk. He tells Gunn, "I work with a couple of people at this address," and hands over one of his cards. On the back we can see that the address is on Embury St, in Silverlake. In case you care. He asks Gunn to take the disk there. Gunn asks, "What, you gonna hang here and soak up the guilt?" "Something like that," Angel replies. For some reason Gunn doesn't say, "Well, sure, I'm happy to run errands for you so that you can brush up on your brooding skills." But he does come close to rolling his eyes before exiting.
Left to his puttering, Angel toys with a mortar and pestle and playfully grinds up a passing blipvert of his fight with Kamal. The Buddha triggers another blipvert as he lights a candle in front of it. I'm really getting bored here. Then the door rattles. Angel picks up a second katana and unsheathes it. He lunges out toward the door, startling the pregnant girl, who I hope gets a name soon. After recovering from her surprise, she tells Angel, "You shouldn't be here. You don't have the right." Angel nervously agrees as he disrespectfully places the katana down on an old armchair. He says, "Kamal's mission is mine now." Angel: Vampire Samurai. To her credit, the girl says that she isn't interested; she just wants to protect her baby. Angel says he wants the same thing. The girl says, "Because she's some seer or leader or Joan of Arc. Well, you know what she is to me? My daughter." Angel explains that this is part of his job, and adds, "Look! I got cards." He pulls out a handful of the business cards and hands one to her. Wow, no normal human being could possibly print up business cards. That'll win her over. Impressing her even further, he continues, "And an office! Well, the office kind of blew up, but we're working out of this other apartment in Silverlake temporarily." Dazzled by his professionalism, the girl says that she needs the coat of arms. "Kamal said I needed to present it to the tribunal." Angel intuits that she needs the bronze disk, and to the girl's delight says he already found it. Then he confesses that he had it, uh, relocated to the address on the card. The girl heads out, stopping only to add, "Do me a favor? Stop helping!" She opens the door and is immediately punched by the demon lurking outside.
We come back from the commercials with Angel in the middle of another fight. "I can kill this thing, right?" he asks. The girl gives him the green light to kill it. He slams it with the door, knocking it out temporarily, and then grabs the girl and suggests that it's time to leave.
Cordy and Wuss are poring over some books when there's a knock at the door. Cordy asks who it is and hears "Gunn," in response. They assume they're being threatened. Gunn explains that it's his name, and says that Angel sent him. End wacky comedy moment. Cordy tells Wuss, "You've heard Angel talk about Gunn. He's a great guy with a really fly street tag!" And suddenly, I have a blinding headache. Maybe I shouldn't have slammed my skull into the wall quite so forcefully. Gunn humors the poor suburban white girl and says, "It's my name. Charles Gunn. Two 'N's." "Oh lord, will no one shut me up?" Cordy wonders. Well, that redeemed her a little bit. Wuss introduces himself and Cordy, and Gunn says that he's seen them before. "I saw you in bed," he tells Cordy. Wuss backs away, muttering, "I can see this is none of my business." "I saw you, too," Gunn adds. "Now just a moment!" Wuss says, all in a tizzy at this threat to his lack of manhood. Gunn finally explains that he watched over them in the hospital, adding, "I'm just playing with y'all." He hands the disk over to Wuss, and admires their whiteboard.
Angel leads the mother-to-be through the tunnels, up through a grate, and into an empty lobby with only a few bits of furniture covered with sheets. Angel stares around in wonder. At some point in here, the captioning identifies the girl as "Jo," so I'm going to call her that. Jo guesses that Angel's been there before, and notes that it "feels creepy." I wonder if we'll ever find out what this place is, and why it is significant to Angel. Like maybe week, via an extended flashback. Call it a hunch. Angel decides this a good time to ask what the tribunal is. Jo explains that it's "some kind of otherworldly court. Supposedly, they can save me and my daughter. You go before 'em, you gotta have that charm." You've gotta have charm? Uh oh, Angel's gonna have trouble with that. Maybe he should send Gunn instead. Unless she meant the bronze thingy. She continues, "I don't know how it works. Kamal said he was gonna be my champion." After listening to herself explain the situation, Jo decides, "Screw this. I'm getting out of town." Angel insists that he'll take care of her. Then there's a pounding noise, and he tells her to go to the address on the card; he'll meet her there. More fighting. Blipverts, take me away.
Angel bursts into Cordy's apartment. "Is she here?" he demands. Cordy says that Gunn brought the talisman, but Jo hasn't shown up. Half of Angel's shirt has been shredded, revealing...too much. Johanna says, "At least it wasn't torn off completely." And at least his jacket was miraculously untouched. Angel grumbles, "I told her to come here. She doesn't trust me. Why should she?" Then he slams his fists into the whiteboard, smearing some of the writing. Cordy tries to be comforting in her typical uncomforting way. Angel says, "I saw the light at the end of the tunnel. That some day I might become human." Cordy observes, "It's gonna be a long while till you work your way out. But I know you well enough to know you will. And I'll be with you until you do." Which would be sweet, if she weren't arching her eyebrows so much that she looks terrified by the prospect. On the other hand, maybe she is terrified by the prospect.
Wuss bustles in with news on the talisman. "It's medieval. A small badge or coat of arms to be presented when going before the Cahair Binse. Roughly translated, that's 'Chair of Judgement.'" He says that the tribunal is "an ancient court to settle grievances." Then he adds that they settle grievances with a battle to the death. How exactly this is an improvement over other ways to settle grievances remains unclear. Angel asks how they can find the tribunal, and Wuss says, "They're mystical events. They could rise up in our reality whenever they please." Oh, I hate those non-localized phenomena. Darn Vorlons. Angel says they have to find it, and then adds, "There's only one way."
"Oh, Mandy," Angel squeals on stage at the karaoke bar, "Oh you came and you gave without taking..." Thank goodness I was warned about this; I don't know what I'd have done if there hadn't been beer handy. Cordy and Wuss sit at a table, watching with undisguised horror. "That man will do anything to save a life," Cordy observes. As "Mandy" finally fades out, the Unholy Host grabs the mike away from Angel before he can do further damage. "Stop trying to be like Gustave," he hisses. "There is only one American Boy!" Then he tells the crowd, "I'm gonna have a chat with mister tall, dark, and rockin', and meanwhile Durthock the Child-Eater's gonna open up to y'all. He's searching for the Gorrishyn mage who stole his power, and he's feeling just a little bit country." "Achy-Breaky Heart" is cued up while the Unholy Host escorts Angel to a table. He tells Angel, "Hey, you made an honest mistake. You killed her protector. A lot of guys would've done the same." Angel asks where the tribunal is. "Well, who's a little curt?" snarls the Unholy Host. "Who's a little Curd Jürgens in The Enemy Below?" So this particular demon is a fan of 1950s WW2 sub-chase movies. Are they trying to top my own obscure references? Bad idea. Anyway, he says that the tribunal will arise wherever Jo is. "Then where is she?" Angel asks. The Unholy Host says, "My question first. And answer true, 'cause you know I'll know. Why 'Mandy'?" "Well, I know the words," Angel says, and then looks around, leans in close, and confesses, "I kinda think it's pretty." The Unholy Host delightedly exclaims, "And it is, you great big sap! There's not a destroyer of world can argue with Manilow. And good for you for 'fessing up." He tells Angel, "She'll be at fourth and Spring. The trial will be there."
Cut to Jo, wandering down the middle of a street. Alert: Please don't go strolling down the middle of Los Angeles roadways. Even if you're not pregnant. This has been a public service announcement. Because darn it, I care about you. She pauses, and a recess in the architecture behind her is suddenly filled by a dais holding three seated figures. They're wearing black robes and have black hoods that cover everything but their eyes. So that's where the Gentlemen stay when they're not stealing hearts in the service of ill-explained evil. Jo looks to one side, and sees a knight on horseback coming down the road. I assume Terry Gilliam was wandering by the studio and suddenly took over the show. The knight approaches and tosses down his own talisman. What little we can see of his face under his helm is scaly and, of course, green. Ah. Demon Knight. Got it. "Where is your champion," asks one of the tribunal members. "He's dead," Jo answers, and asks for asylum. "Asylum is not ours to give," says the middle judge. At least, I assume it's the middle judge. It's hard to tell when their mouths are covered. On Doctor Who they always gave monsters lights or had them gesture a lot when they spoke to avoid this problem. Just a suggestion, Joss. So, somebody says, "Two are chosen to meet in combat. One can save your life, one can take it. This is the ancient law. Your life is forfeit. You have no champion." The knight dismounts and draws his sword. Then Angel throws down the second talisman with a clang.
As the combatants prepare, Jo tells Angel, "I really appreciate your coming through for us like this. But you know how you're not really good at anything?" I giggle, and have to rewind to hear her ask, "You sure you can do this?" Angel insists, "I can do this," and after Jo leaves, he tries to make nice with the black horse the tribunal has thoughtfully provided for him. "Try not to make me look stupid out there, okay?" he asks the horse. That should be "stupider," right? He gets astride the horse, picks up his tin-foil shield and a lance, and prepares to joust. Jousting is the official sport of Maryland, where I live. Yet another shout-out? One of the judges drops a red hanky, and the demon knight starts galloping down the road. Gallop, gallop, ker-thunk. Angel wallops the bad knight. "Grr," says the demon knight. They turn and charge again. Gallop, gallop, whammo! Angel is knocked off his horse. The demon knight tosses his spear away, pulls out a sword, and gallops back as Angel hurries to draw his own sword. Foul! Foul! The demon knight should dismount and finish the battle on foot. Instead, he charges and Angel knocks him off the horse with his own momentum. See, it's not just chivalrous to dismount; it's also common sense. Then they do battle, clang, clang, grunt, clang. At least no one shouts "Huzzah!" like they do every five minutes at the Excalibur. The demon knight does a neat move which results in Angel being stabbed in the belly with his own sword. Angel truly sucks. The very, very silly demon knight does not immediately cut off Angel's head to end his suffering, not to mention ours, but instead lets Angel drop to the ground and steps toward the tribunal. One of the judges says, "The champion is defeated. She and all her issue are yours."
The demon knight draws a dagger and grabs Jo around the neck. Angel stands up behind them, pulls the not-at-all-bloody sword out of his body and unfortunately quips, "I move to appeal that ruling." The demon knight turns, and Angel lops his head off. "You have won," the judge says, unnecessarily. "She is under our protection, as is her daughter until she comes of age." Showing how much their protection is worth, they immediately vanish. Jo asks if Angel is okay, and observes, "You sure seem to bleed a lot." Except when a sword is shoved through his stomach.
Back at Cordy's, Angel picks up the whiteboard. Wuss says that "starting over with a clean slate" is a good idea. Angel says, "Actually, we're starting over with no slate." Wuss, always quick to suck up, says, "Of course. We shouldn't be keeping score. We're not in a race. We're doing a job. One soul at a time." Cordy smiles wanly and holds her head. I do the same, except for the smiling part. Angel tells them to "hold the fort [sic]; I've got somewhere to be," although he almost certainly means "hold down the fort."
In the prison visiting room, Angel picks up the phone as Faith sits down opposite him. Apparently there's no shortage of hairstyling products in prison. In fact, judging by Faith, maybe there are too many. They chat. Incidentally, we saw Eliza Dushku in Bring It On while in Vegas. Shout-out? Faith says she's having a bad day: "One of the girls in the yard tried to build her rep by throwing down with me." Angel furiously scribbles notes so he can call up Gunn later and ask what the terms "rep" and "throwing down" mean. Faith continues, "She had low self-esteem, and a homemade knife, so..." Faith, the word you wanted was "shiv." I'd expect you to know that. Angel nervously asks if the girl is alive, and Faith nods, "I took the knife away, and I can't say much for the wrist it came in." This girl held a knife in her wrist? Maybe Lindsey should look into that. Faith says that she did get a beating from the guards for her trouble, but she figures that "guys like us kinda got it coming." Angel tells Faith that he had to sing a Manilow song. "And here I am talking about my petty little problems," Faith giggles. Then she says, "Angel, don't come visit me if you're not going to bring it!" Not really. Johanna said that. Actually, Faith says, "The road to redemption is a rocky path." Lucky she didn't say, "The path to redemption is a rocky road," because then we might think she was talking about an ice cream flavor. Angel agrees, and Faith asks, "Think we might make it?" "We might," Angel says. He asks about the food, and she says, "It's not that different from what I grew up on. It's a little one-note, eating the same thing every day." "I wonder what that's like," Angel says, unexpectedly making a joke that's mildly amusing. Fade out.
During the closing credits, Boreanaz camps it up as we see outtakes from his "Mandy" performance. It's not as funny because he's totally out of character. week, it's a flashback to the 1950s, before Angel discovered mousse. Oh, and it's not just a new episode, it's an "Angel Event." Whatever that means.