Expecting

S01E12

The opening blipvert features a shot of the director's clapboard, which indicates that this episode, or at least a scene therein, was taped on 8/11/99. Cordelia, wearing a large bandanna as a top, uses a window as mirror to apply her lipstick. Angel enters behind her and declares, "You look nice," which startles Cordy and causes her to draw a nice red line across her face. "Now I look like the Joker," she points out. Except that the Joker had better fashion sense. Angel apologizes. Cordy says, "Hopefully I'm still too young and carefree for a heart attack," which is pretty funny, considering she's So Very Old. Angel, sorting through the files, asks why Mrs. Benson's file is under "P." Cordy claims that the letter is, in fact, an "F," or possibly an "R." "Maybe we could be a little less young and carefree with the filing," Angel suggests, playing along with Cordy's joke about not being So Very Old. Suddenly, Cordelia remembers that Mrs. Benson is filed under "F," because she's from France. "Remember what a pain she was?" Cordy asks. Angel says, "Yeah. It made me want to drink a lot." "Well, that's the French for you," Cordy concludes. Suddenly Wesley enters, and I understand how Angel felt about Mrs. Benson. Wesley brandishes an axe and says, "I was just in the neighborhood, patrolling with my new Bavarian fighting adze." Upon being told that demonic activity is minimal, Wesley pulls out a puzzle book and says, "I also packed along a Word Puzzle 3D -- if either of you has the nerve to take me on." Cordy says, "I'd love to, but unlike you, I'm not in my eighties quite yet." Which is funny, because she's So Much Older than that. Wesley retaliates: "If shaking your booty at the latest trendy hot spot is your idea of a life, then call me..." Two young actress-slash-models walk in, at which point Wesley concludes, "Sick with envy." One of the girls admires Wesley's axe, causing him to make a casual gesture that sinks the axe-head into the wallboard. One of the girls introduces herself as Sarina, and tells Cordy, "Wilson practically had to have phone sex with the manager at Lounge La Brea to get us in." Lounge La Brea? Hee! Angel asks who Wilson is. "Wilson Christopher," says the other girl, who will later be identified as Emily. "No!" says Wesley. "The ethno-archeologist from Brandeis?" Except that the captioning reads, "Brandice." I wonder if doing closed captions pays well. ["You could ask our own Cate; that's her day job." -- Wing Chun] Sarina clarifies that Wilson is a fashion photographer who's been seeing Cordy. She also tells Wesley, "That Hugh Grant thing is really starting to work for me." Take him, please.

Angel quietly asks Cordy, "So you've been seeing someone? How come I haven't known?" Cordy says, "'Cause I'm ashamed of you. Not to mention how you'd embarrass me by giving him the third degree." Emily declares that Angel "can give me the third degree any time." Cordy suddenly collapses to the floor with a visiony headache, or maybe she's just overwhelmed by the witty banter. To distract Sarina and Emily, Angel knocks over a pile of papers and starts asking the girls about their plans. "Lounge La Brea. That sounds like that could be...an evening. With all sorts of evening-type...I heard the bands there are..." "They don't have bands," Sarina notes. Angel not-at-all-smoothly presses on, "Which I like, because if it's too loud..." Emily asks if Angel wants to come, causing him to chuckle, "Oh, I think I may be busy." Insert snippets of Cordy's vision, including a sign reading "25 Cabrillo," breaking glass, and a lot of blurry things that might be claws. "Besides," Angel continues, "I don't, um, lounge all that well." Wesley laughs hollowly and chimes in, "Oh yes, he's no lounger, this one." Sarina tells Emily, "The good ones are always gay." The unspoken conclusion to that thought is, "and the straight ones are always dweebs like these two." Cordy finally picks herself up off the floor, and Angel asks her, "So, that client I'm supposed to be meeting tonight, what's he like again?" As she writes something down, Cordy responds, "Like a big baby. Hatching from a big egg, with really large hands, in need of a manicure. You're meeting him here." She hands the piece of paper to Angel and heads out with her friends. Wesley starts hinting that he could go along with Angel to help. Wesley is like that kid you knew in elementary school that you didn't quite have the heart to be rude to, even though he was really annoying. Angel hands Wesley the paper to indicate his acceptance, and Wesley beams like he's been asked to the prom. He runs to gather up his bag, and in the process of pulling his axe out of the wall, he falls down. Ho hum.

We see Cordy's note, which appears to read "23 Cabrillo." At second glance, the three could be a messy five. We haven't seen the credits yet, and already there's a wacky mix-up! Sure enough, Angel and Wesley approach number 23 with swords and axes. Wesley breaks open the door and leaps into the room, but Angel is kept out by that invitation-only clause. An aged couple sit watching television while Wesley shouts, "Don't move a muscle, demon spawn! Cowards! Don't make me thrash it out of you! Where do you lay your eggs? In the cellar?" Unable to get inside, Angel glances away and, through the window of the house door, spies an alien egg hatching. Wesley continues to interrogate the retirees, "In the bedroom?" Angel interrupts, "Yeah, that's right! Termites lay their eggs anywhere. Such as door." Wesley sidles back and takes a look. Angel continues, for the benefit of the couple inside, "And we fight termites, wherever they may roam." Wesley apologizes for breaking the door before following Angel to make a demon-omelet. Credits.

Through a goo-spattered window, we get quick glimpses of Angel and Wesley bounding back and forth, presumably vanquishing evil. There are metallic clangs and demonic screams, a lamp is knocked over, and suddenly Wesley is hurled out through the closed front door by a small explosion. He picks up his axe and runs back inside. A few moments later, Angel and Wesley walk outside. "That was bracing," Wesley declares. Angel agrees and wipes his sword off on his coat. I'd hate to see his dry-cleaning bills. Wesley starts complaining about Cordy getting the address wrong (hey, it was just sloppy handwriting!) and tells Angel that "she doesn't seem to be paying attention to her duties lately." Angel defends Cordelia: "She's had a lot to deal with. I mean, Doyle's death, inheriting his visions. She's young, she's still trying to find her way in the world." Have I made enough jokes about how Cordelia isn't very young at all? Probably, but it's so much fun! Wesley says, "No one's more fond of Cordelia than I, but if she wants to go gad-abouting with those doxies --" Angel interrupts to say, "I think they liked you." Wesley wonders if sticking his axe in the wall put the girls off, but Angel claims that it was charming when he did that. "What about the fact [that] they thought we were gay?" Wesley groans. "Adds mystery," Angel responds. Angel's a pretty smooth liar.

At Lounge La Brea, which I'm disappointed to see has no giant tar pit, Sarina disses the bartender and then demands funds from her date to use as a tip. Her date is a super-creep, super-creep, he's super-creepy. While they kiss, Emily pops up to whine, "I'm bored." Sarina responds, "Well, Cordy's not." Cordy is sitting at a table with Wilson, who is asking her what it was like to come to Los Angeles from Sunnydale. Cordy talks about not being rich and famous. Wilson says, "Thank you for not making me hate dating." Cordy appears to be charmed by that backhanded compliment. Wilson goes on to say that he's going to send Sarina flowers. When Cordy looks at him suspiciously, he explains, "For introducing you to me." Cordelia says, "For the first time, I like L.A.. When I was in high school, I knew my place. And, okay, it was a haughty place, and maybe I was a tad shallow." Wilson insists that "Nobody feels like they belong here. That's sort of the point of L.A., to make you feel as insecure as possible." When Cordy points out that Wilson is successful at his job, Wilson insists that the photos he takes just illustrate "that everyone is having a real life except me." I had no idea that the life of a fashion photographer was filled with such anomie.

Wilson drops Cordy off at her door. They have some nervous end-of-date conversation. He kisses her, and offers to call her the day. Cordelia invites him inside, and dims the lights. "You live alone, right?" asks Wilson. The lights crackle and come on again. Yay, we get to have some Phantom Dennis activity! "In the sense that I'm the only one living here that's actually alive," Cordy responds. Again she dims the lights, and again they come up immediately. Finally she explains, "Wiring. Old buildings," and leaves the lights on. She goes on to say, "My dating game skills are kinda rusty. You're the first person I've had over in a long -- well, ever. So, I'm open to suggestions." Wilson suggests music. Cordy turns on the radio, which immediately tunes itself to a bouncy polka tune. Wilson guesses that the wiring is to blame again, and Cordy turns the stereo off and offers to make some tea. Once in the kitchen and out of Wilson's sight, Cordy hisses, "All right, Dennis, knock it off! This is the one guy I've actually liked in a long time, and if you keep killing the mood, I'll kill you! All right, empty threat, you being a ghost, and already dead and all. But I'll do something worse. I'll play Evita around the clock! The one with Madonna!" Since Dennis has demonstrated the ability to control the stereo, I'm not sure that's an effective threat. Wilson enters and asks, "Who [are] you talking to?" "My ghost. I have a ghost. He's jealous," Cordy says, eliciting a baffled look from Wilson. She tries again "Kidding. The apartment's great, but things are always breaking, and I have no one to complain to, so sometimes, just to give myself company, I talk to myself." Wilson moves in for more smooches. Cut to the lovebirds in the bedroom. And then in bed. He really does have nice shoulders.

Dawn comes, and Cordelia rolls over in bed whispering, "Wilson?" He's gone. She reaches for the clock, and we can see that at some point in the evening Cordelia put on a t-shirt and pajamas. I find it amusing that she wears more clothes to bed than she does during the day. "Uh oh, somebody's gonna be late for work," she says, and struggles to sit up in bed. She throws the blankets aside and stares down in horror and the giant prosthetic pregnant belly someone stuck on her during the night.

Cordy is still lying in bed after the commercial break, staring into space. Outside, Angel and Wesley approach her apartment. Wesley says it 12:15, and Angel worries, "I left two messages; she should have called back." Angel pounds on Cordy's door while Wesley speculates, "Maybe she unplugged her phone. Or she slept somewhere else." Angel somehow opens the door and they go inside. Angel opens the door to reveal Cordy and her belly. "Mother of God," breathes Wesley. Whoa, that'd be quite a plot twist, wouldn't it? Angel tells Cordy, "It's all right. We're here." Cordy sniffles, "I'm ready to wake up now. I don't seem to be waking up. Help me!" Angel asks what happened, and Cordy gives him a run-down on her date. Angel asks if she's called Wilson. "No, I haven't talked to anyone." I don't say this often, but poor Cordy. She's doing a much better job of crying here than she did in "Room W/A Vu," which probably helps.

Cordy asks, "What would I say to him? 'I had a really great time, I think you left something at my place?' I don't think this is right." Angel takes charge and says, "Whatever's happening to you, he may have some answers." He hands her the phone, but she shakes her head and says, "I can't!" "Just dial his number, and I'll talk to him," Angel soothes. Angel's nice when he's got someone to worry about besides himself. A recording tells Angel that Wilson's phone has been disconnected. Angel says, "He's not answering right now. I want you to rest, and we're gonna handle this. You're not alone." "That's sorta the problem, isn't it?" Cordy moans. "Could you just leave me alone for now?" Angel and Wesley leave the bedroom, telling her they'll be right outside. As they close the door, a box of tissues flits over to the bed, and one pops out for Cordelia to grab. She blows her nose, and the blankets tuck themselves up around her. Dennis is nice, too. I can't help wondering if Dennis had somehow caused the pregnancy in an effort to keep Cordelia from stepping out with guys who had, y'know, bodies. But I like Dennis, so I don't want to believe that.

Out in the living room, Angel gets off the phone and reports that Wilson's home and business phones have been disconnected, and that they can't track him down. Angel says, "I'm guessing he's some form of procrea-parasitic demon." Say that three times fast. Wesley translates, "A demon who can only reproduce by implanting a human woman with its seed. Yes, I've heard of such entities. The human mothers --" Angel finishes, "Rarely survive labor. And the ones that do wish they hadn't." Wesley says, "If she's that pregnant in one night, she could give birth at any moment!" Angel tells Wesley, "We have to move fast. You've got to see what's inside her." Responding to Wesley's expression of shock, Angel clarifies, "Pre-natal exam, Wesley." Angel heads off to track down Wilson.

Angel chats with the bartender at Club La Brea. "A friend of mine was in here last night. Her name's Cordelia. Big smile, really pretty?" The bartender responds, "We get a lot of that." Angel pulls out a wad of bills and offers one to the bartender to encourage his memory. In case money isn't enough, he tries sympathy as well, and says, "I'm guessing you're serving drinks day and night to jerks who think they can buy anything." The bartender agrees. Angel goes to say, "Well, one of those jerks hurt my friend. I need to find him, fast." The bartender asks who it was, and Angel tells him it was Wilson Christopher. "I want to know who his friends are, where they hang." The bartender says, "Wherever Sarina tells 'em to. They travel in packs. The guys have the money, the girls have the pretty. The girls decide what club's the flavor of the month, and Sarina rules the girls." Angel thanks him, and the bartender asks if Angel is Cordy's boyfriend. "No, I'm family," Angel says, and leaves. I am suspicious of that bartender. Maybe he put some demonic potion in Cordy's drink.

By Strega

The doctor prepares for the amniocentesis, and explains that there is a small chance of miscarriage as a result. "I'll take it!" Cordy insists. Then there's some very unpleasant-looking things going on with a very large needle, and I'm not planning to watch that scene any more, okay? The doctor hands the full syringe to the nurse. She suddenly turns around and calls the doctor as the fluid begins eating through the syringe. She drops it, and they all watch as the spilled fluid goes on to eat through the floor. A little homage to Alien there, which you're obligated to include in any horror story about pregnancy. The doctor and nurse excuse themselves. Cordelia asks Wesley, "You saw what's inside of me?" Wesley says, "I think we should find Angel." Cordelia keeps demanding that Wesley tell her what he saw, and then finally pleads, "Do they look healthy?"

Angel tells Sarina that Cordy is pregnant too. Sarina says that her date, Jason, has vanished. She explains that she knew Jason, and Emily's date, Nick, and she fixed Wilson up with Cordy. "I knew something wasn't right. Their money...it kind of smelled. I mean, really smelled. And sometimes, the guys were like, jumpy." Angel asks if there's anyone Sarina can call for help. She shakes her head. "The guys seemed like they liked that. Wilson asked about Cordelia, and I told him she didn't have anybody either." Sarina doubles over in pain suddenly, and we cut to Cordelia, who's doing the same thing. Wesley gets her out of the elevator and into Angel's apartment, and gets her to lay down. As he stammers and tells her to let him know if she needs anything, Cordy suddenly glares at him. "You're afraid. You're afraid of what's inside of me. You think it's horrible. You think I won't be able to handle it. That if I find out, I'll do something bad." Wesley insists that he needs to analyze the ultrasound before he can form an opinion. While he waffles, Cordy starts getting creepy and says, "There's seven of them. There's seven of his children. Growing inside of me. They're talking to me. They're talking all at once." She tells her belly, "I can't understand!" Wesley begins telling her that he knows how hard this is for her, leading Cordy to utter the righteous cry of all pregnant women, "No! You don't know!" She continues, "You don't know what it's like to be a partner in creation!" Suddenly Cordy looks scared again and tells Wesley, "They're not human. But, I mean, that could be okay, right? I mean, look at Angel. He's not human. And Doyle -- he wasn't either." Wesley says "shh" a lot and wipes her forehead with a handkerchief until she lies back.

By Strega

"Do you know what it is?" a woman asks. Cordy, sitting in a clinic's waiting room, turns with a stunned look. "Boy or girl?" the woman clarifies. Wesley sits down near Cordy and says, "Shouldn't be long." Cordy has found some overalls and a long-sleeved shirt to wear. The nosy woman keeps trying to start a conversation, saying, "You're carrying low. I bet it's --" As the woman reaches over, Cordy shouts, "Don't touch me!" In the office, the doctor guesses that Cordy is eight and a half months pregnant. When the doctor asks for the name of her physician, Cordy says, "You're the only doctor we've been to." Wesley quickly jumps in to say, "In California. We just moved here from England." The doctor asks Cordy how she feels. She glares at him and says, "I'm as big as a house, everything hurts, I --" Before she can continue, the doctor insists that those are normal feelings, and that she'll feel much better after giving birth. "God, it's a nightmare," says Cordy. "Hormones," Wesley whispers. They begin to perform an ultrasound, and the doctor looks at the monitor and reports, "Looks like somebody's having twins!" "Twins!" Cordy and Wesley chorus. The doctor, still looking at the monitor, says, "No, there's a third heartbeat." "There's another one," the nurse says. Wesley goes to take a peek as the count increases to five, then six. "Oh my god," the doctor says, and not in a happy way. Cordy asks, "What is it? What's wrong?" The doctor says he wants to remove some amniotic fluid as a precaution.

Angel knocks on an apartment door and calls, "Sarina?" Sarina grumbles, "Just leave it outside." Angel tells Sarina who he is, and asks if he can come in. "Okay," she says, which apparently counts as an invitation. The apartment is even darker than the gloomy corridor outside, with a few candles burning here and there. The sound of a lighter attracts Angels' attention, and he sees Sarina, her back to him, lighting yet another candle. "The light hurts my eyes lately," she explains. "I know the feeling," he says, back in his mopey voice for a second. A bottle of wine dangles from Sarina's hand as she says, "I thought you were the liquor store; I'm almost dry." At this point, since she still hasn't turned around, we all know she's pregnant too. She continues, "I know what you're thinking. I shouldn't, right? It'll hurt the baby." Sarina turns around so that Angel, and no one else, can be surprised that she's pregnant, and finishes, "I hope!" Like Cordelia, apparently Sarina didn't have much trouble finding clothes that would fit her. I am even more suspicious of the bartender now.

By Strega

Wesley does his best to be stealthy as he enters the building. Then he gives it up, goes over to the pool, and tells Cordy, "Come out of there this instant!" Wesley climbs onto the edge of the pool and says, "Don't make me come in there after you." Cordelia blissfully insists, "We serve our master." Earth-shaking thuds indicate the approach of a T-Rex. Through the magic of foreshortening, a guy in a rubber suit is made to appear very large. "Who is the interloper?" asks the demon. Wesley stands, puts up his tiny fists, and says, "Wesley Wyndom-Pryce, Rogue Demon Hunter. And I'm here to fight you, sir, to the death." I'd never noticed how many "Y"s Wesley has in his name before. The demon drools a bit. Wesley continues to bluster, "As a heathen, I wouldn't expect you to be familiar with the biblical story of David and Goliath, but I assure you it's of particular relevance to this situation." The demon says, "Let's fight and be done." Wesley peers around and stalls some more: "I like to get to know my opponents before I engage them in mortal combat. Do you have any hobbies?" Wesley, in his battle stance, glares up at the demon, and this may the first time Wesley actually amused me. There's a great rattling as a cylinder rolls down toward them. Angel strolls in and says, "Sorry I'm late to the baby shower. I brought a little gift." He picks up the cylinder, spins around and launches it at the demon. The demon catches it, and we can see a label identifying the contents as liquid nitrogen. Wesley whips out a gun and fires, puncturing the cylinder. The demon drops it so that, conveniently, the escaping nitrogen gas is aimed directly at him, instead of, oh, anywhere else. The women begin screaming in pain, stopping abruptly when the demon is finally frozen solid. Cordy and the others climb out of the pool. Cordy walks directly over to where Wesley is and reaches up to unhook a large pulley hanging near him. She aims and lets the pulley swing out, crashing into the demon and smashing it into little frozen demon bits, which will probably turn out to be Ben & Jerry's ice cream flavor. "I really hate dating," Cordy says.

We blipvert our way back to the office. Wesley dusts off the computer. Angel drops some magazines on the desk, saying, "She likes magazines. I got a few, for y'know, when she comes back." "I did just neaten this up for her," Wesley gripes. Cordelia walks in, wearing an unusually pastel outfit. Angel says, "It's only been two days, you didn't have to come in so soon." Wesley agrees, saying "I've been helping out a little, and -- someone forgot to close the filter again!" While Wesley fusses with the coffee pot, Angel hints, "Of course, if you're ready to come back..." Cordelia insists that she's fine. "I had a great audition today for MaxCrax -- you know, the little crackers?" Angel says, "That's great! Because, a cracker's something everyone can..." "Eat," Wesley offers. Cordy tells them that the producer really liked her, and that he's taking her out to dinner. Angel and Wesley hesitate, but Wesley says, "Best to get back on the horse, I suppose." Cordy gushes, "He is so sweet! He says that all I have to do is let him impregnate me with his demon master's seed, and I've got the part!" She smiles at them, and says that she appreciates their concern, but she's fine: "I'm a lot stronger than those loser demon-surrogates thought." Angel adopts a parental tone and says, "I'm starting to learn that." Cordelia tries to offer up her own lesson. "I learned men are evil. Oh wait, I knew that. I learned that L.A. is full of self-serving phonies. Had that one down, too. Uh, sex is bad?" Angel points out, "We all knew that." Cordy says, "I learned that I have two people I trust, absolutely, with my life. And that part's new." Aw. Wesley turns to wipe at his eyes, claiming he has allergies.

By Strega

Angel questions the demonic brat-pack. "You guys proxy for big-daddy demon, and he imbues you with his life force, or whatever it is that you're implanting in these women." The super-creep insists, "He has trouble finding his own dates. We just help him out a little, that's all." Angel asks what they get in return: "Fame? Money? Success? That's it, isn't it? How else would losers like you get ahead? I mean, you'd have to become procreative surrogates for a vile demonic entity." Super-creep says, "Mostly, I do it for the sex." Angel asks where the demon is, and Wilson says, "Even if we told you where to find him, it wouldn't matter, since you're about to have a little accident." One of the other guys tosses Wilson a gun, and he quickly shoots Angel several times. Angel crumples over, then straightens up again with his vamp face on. More punching and kicking and whirling and flipping and so on. Angel tosses Wilson through a window of some kind and then places his boot on Wilson's neck. "Now you're gonna tell me what I need to know," Angel says.

A blipvert takes us to a warehouse or factory of some kind. It looks very similar to all of the other warehouse/factories we've seen on this show. Cordelia enters, and looks up to see Sarina and Emily coming inside. We see several more mothers-to-be approaching, for a grand total of six women.

Wesley is awakened by the ringing phone, and picks it up to trade news with Angel. Angel appears to be taking this opportunity to pull the bullets out of his stomach, which is a fun little detail we don't normally see. Wesley says that the father is "A Hacksaw beast. An inner-earth demon." He explains that Cordy's gone, and that "I fear she may have gone to rendezvous with it. Angel says "She has. Miliken Industrial Park, in Reseda. That's where Wilson and his friends built their shrine." Wesley asks how Cordy would know that, and Angel says, "It's telepathically linked to its unborn; that's how it's controlling Cordelia." Wesley responds, "Of course, a psychic umbilical cord." Yes, of course. "The Hacksaw's telepathic connection is what's sustaining its unborn spawn." They agree that all they have to do is kill the demon, and "poof, no more evil pregnancies." Wesley consults the book and finds a snag in the plan. "Fire won't kill it. Decapitation won't...and it's really huge." Angel asks Wesley, "Can you shoot straight?"

By Strega

Cordelia and the others dress themselves in lovely white gothic nightgowns. They clamber into a pool of yucky goo.

By Strega

I just hope the writers learned that this show is better when the stories focus more on Cordy, and less on Angsty Angel.