The Bachelor Party

This week's episode opens with Angel in his office, reading a book that does not appear to contain pictures or conversations. What is the use of a book without pictures or conversations? Doyle enters, and asks if this is Angel's exciting plan for the evening. Angel says, "I get enough excitement," in his dullest of dull monotones. Doyle suggests other options, such as, "Two beautiful words: sports bar." Oh, Doyle: Go away. Doyle notes the presence of trivia games at said bars. Doyle: refer to message. Doyle complains, "I just can't sit around here while..." Cordy interrupts, "While I slip into the night with my incredibly-more-wealthy-than-you prince?" Cordy enters in a strapless black number, causing Doyle and Angel leap to their feet, which is on the borderline between gallant and suggestive. I think Cordy should be wearing a necklace or something, because in close-ups it looks like she's naked. Doyle tells Cordy that it takes more than money to be happy. Cordy demurs, as her date, Pierce, comes in to pick her up. As they start to leave Angel asks, "What's your hurry? You didn't even introduce us." It would have made a lot more sense if Doyle had said that, because what the hell does Angel care who Cordy's dating? Nevertheless, Doyle remains mostly silent as Angel asks what Pierce does, where they're going, and how late they'll be out. The answers are not interesting. Cordy and Pierce leave. Doyle picks up Angel's discarded book and observes that his chances with Cordy aren't good, since his family has no money, "Not to mention the fact that half of them are demons." As Doyle flips through the book, a picture of Buffy falls out. Doyle asks if this is an "old squeeze" of Angel's while the flute of failed romance tweets. Doyle figures out that the photo is of Buffy, just as one of his migraines of foreboding hits, providing him with a mystic vision of a guy chained up in a vampire den. Angel goes into rescue mode, and sets the atomic batteries to power, turbines to speed, while Doyle notes, "Everybody's got dinner plans but me."

The snippet in the credits with Spike makes me think about how unfair it is that they made him unable to feed right before Thanksgiving. Poor Spike.

Pierce and Cordy are at a restaurant. Pierce is a very dull guy.

Angel and Doyle have some vaguely Matrix-style shots of senseless violence as they battle the vamps and rescue their dinner. A vamp bonks Doyle over the head, causing his Play-Doh face (TM ejg) to appear, but Doyle shakes his head and returns to what I will call, for lack of a better term, "normal." After a blipvert, Angel asks Doyle "You're stronger when you're a demon, right? Why'd you shake it off?" Doyle says it isn't his style. Not tacky enough for him, I guess. Doyle's stronger when he's a demon? Does any aspect of Doyle's heritage make sense to anybody? Maybe his headaches are caused by the fact that his character doesn't make a bit of sense. Angel drags the hapless near-victim away while behind them we see that one of the vamps survived the melée, and looks a tad pissed.

Doyle heads back to the office with the vamp trailing him. The vamp's face apparently stuck that way just as your mom always warned you might happen. As Doyle enters the building, Cordy and Pierce pull up in Pierce's convertible. "Sorry you're not feeling well," says Pierce. He asks if Cordy wants him to take her home, but Cordy says, "My car's here." For once, the writers answer a reasonable question that the viewers might have. Cordy gets out of the car, and Pierce joins her, saying, "I'm not really sure about this neighborhood." The vamp pops up and says, "You're right. It's crappy." The vamp grabs Cordy as Pierce scrambles back to his car and drives off. Cordy screams. Doyle appears with a crossbow, and calls, "Hey! I'm the one you followed here. It's me you want." The vamp and Cordy struggle, and Doyle, unable to get a clear shot, settles for firing his arrow into the vamp's foot. Cordy is tossed aside, the vamp tackles Doyle. Cordy looks up in time to watch as Doyle struggles for the amazingly blood-free and unmarred arrow. Doyle finally grabs it and dusts the vamp. Cordy says, "ow," prompting Doyle to ask if she's okay. In the credit-where-it's-due department, he does look genuinely concerned about her and oblivious to his own aches and pains, and that's kind of sweet. Cordy says, "You were so...brave," in an astonished tone. Doyle asks, "You think you could say that again without so much shock in your voice? You're kind of stepping on my moment of manliness here." Cordy apologizes and says, "I'm just..." "Surprised?" offers Doyle? "Old?" I suggest. Cordy settles for, "Grateful." The concept of Cordy expressing gratitude causes the world to tremble. No, wait. It's just another blipvert.

The day Cordy enthralls Angel with the details of her evening. Assuming that Angel always looks over random paperwork when he's enthralled. Cordy explains that "All of a sudden rich and handsome isn't enough for me. Now I expect a guy to be all brave and interesting." Hey, Xander wasn't all that brave. Cordy notes that Doyle was more concerned about her than he was about himself, and Angel stops looking over paperwork and folds his hand together, so I think maybe the papers were his "How to be a sympathetic listener" crib sheets. Angel says, "There's definitely more to Doyle than meets the eye." Why do they keep making Transformer references? Cordy concludes, "So I've gotta kill myself. I swore when I went down this road with Xander Harris, I'd rather be dead than date a fixer-upper again." Angel looks a bit miffed that Cordy isn't following his own ideals and choosing romantic partners based on personality and integrity rather than mere appearance. Because Angel sure wasn't attracted to Buffy because she was a 98-pound blonde who wore slip-dresses year-round. Oh sorry, was I implying that the "looks aren't everything" message is aimed at women, and not men? My mistake. Cordy concludes that she should buy Doyle a mochaccino as thanks for saving her life. Instructing Angel to watch the phones, she leaves.

Doyle is reenacting his moment of triumph when Cordy walks in behind him. She eavesdrops as Doyle tries out lines like "Fangs for the memories," which probably took him all night to think up. He finally realizes Cordy is watching and is properly embarrassed. Cordy tells Doyle that perhaps she's been unfair, and adds, "Maybe you don't actually have zero potential." Doyle is underwhelmed, and as Cordy tries to be a tad nicer the door behind Doyle opens and a Sarah Jessica Parker clone enters. Doyle turns, Sarah says, "Hey, Francis," and the piano of long-lost love tinkles a melody very similar to the one the flute of failed romance piped earlier. "Harry," says Doyle, stunned. "Francis?" asks Cordy, confused. Doyle clarifies that his full name is Allan Francis Doyle. So they're Harry and Francis. Apparently Kevin Williamson has convinced the entire world that we love gender-bending names. ["Who's that on the phone? It's Amanda Peet and Ivan Sergei, and they're pissed that Angel ripped off their show's central conceit." -- Wing Chun] By the way, Doyle is wearing a necklace -- a Celtic cross which has the power to magically pop in and out of his shirt, a continuity error I only happened to notice because I was trying to figure out what it was. Doyle explains to Cordy, "This is Harry. [dramatic pause] My wife." Cordy's smile fades.

After the commercials, Harry apologizes for dropping in without warning. Doyle asks if she thought he would have run off if she'd called ahead, adding, "That's not my style, remember?" Harry asks, "Do you want me to remind you who fired the starter pistol?" Before this escalates any further, Harry suggests she and Doyle should "just hug, and be happy to see each other." They do so while Cordy shakes her head. Harry asks if Doyle is still "living it up," and says, "that drinking's no good for you." The awkward conversation continues when Angel enters to inject some much-needed vitality into the group. If only he had any. Cordy snaps, "Angel, come meet Doyle's wife." Angel shakes Harry's hand. When Harry admires the offices, Doyle explains that he runs the firm and Angel and Cordy work for him. Cordy starts to protest, so Angel whaps her on the back with his elbow. Cordy asks if the marriage was a "green card thing." Harry says no: "It was a madly-in-love, couldn't-live-without-each-other kind of thing. But I guess times change, 'cause here we are four years later, living just fine." Doyle asks why Harry's there, and Harry asks if they can talk alone. Then the door opens again, and this time it's John-Boy Walton. Or his mole, attached to some other guy. "I thought you were gonna stay in the car," says Harry. The mole says that his curiosity got the better of him, and introduces himself as Richard Straley, shaking Angel's hand. Turning to Harry, he says, "You left out the part about him [sic] being such a handsome fellow." Angel says, "I'm not --" which I hasten to agree with. "No, you are, really," chuckles Richard. No, he's really, truly not. Angel explains, "I'm not Doyle." Richard gets a clue, looks at Doyle and says, "Oh, that's more like it." Doyle rolls his eyes, Richard tries to backpedal, Harry tells Richard to shake Doyle's hand.