At the office, Cordelia is re-enacting her audition for a commercial while Doyle watches. Doyle is wearing yet another shirt that he must have stolen from Pacey. Can't the WB afford separate wardrobes for its shows? The phone rings, but Cordy keeps talking until Doyle asks if she plans to answer the phone, at which point Angel appears in the doorway to add, "Good question." Uh oh, the boss is here! Cordy tries to answer the phone but the answering machine has already picked up. Turns out it's someone improbably named "Aura" calling to chat with Cordelia. Cordy reaches for the phone, but then decides not to answer. When Doyle asks why, Cordy says that between her sucky apartment and failing acting career, she's "not up for leading the parade of pain." Doyle suggests that if her place is that bad, Cordy could spend a night at his apartment sometime. Swing...and a miss! Cordy calls goodnight to Angel and leaves.
Angel is reading in his office when Doyle enters and demands to know all about Cordy. Angel offers, "Well, I know that she can't type or file...until today I had some hope regarding the phone." Asked who Aura is, Angel explains that she's one of Cordy's old Sunnydale pals, and claims that "people called them the Cordettes," which I don't remember happening, plus I thought Harmony was the leader of their little gang. They repeat the fact that Cordy used to be rich, and now she isn't. Cordy arrives home to find her door lock sticking, her lights flickering, her water faucets spewing sludge, and roaches crawling on her TV. Big ones, too. Ew. She calls the manager to ask why the exterminators haven't come. While on the phone, something crunches under her foot. Yup, now there's squished roaches on the carpet. Ew, ew, ew. Cordy searches for Doyle's phone number. I don't like bugs, so already this episode is working on me. Doyle hurries into his apartment to answer the ringing phone, but is interrupted when someone inside says, "Hello Doyle." He turns to see a dapper demon of color behind him.
After the credits, Doyle tries to sweet-talk the demon, who is demanding money. This works about as well as it does when he tries it on Cordelia. This particular demon has a number of spikes poking out over his head and along his jawline, but he's wearing a nice jacket so I don't think he's so bad. Doyle claims he has the money, and starts to open a dresser drawer. The demon slams the drawer on Doyle's hand and asks, "You're not stupid enough to have a gun in there, right?" Doyle denies any subterfuge, pulls the drawer all the way out, and then clobbers the demon with the drawer and scampers away.
A record of "Ode to Joy" is playing at Angel's, while the sounds of water running can be heard in the background. At a knock on the door, Angel wanders out, fresh from the shower and wrapping a towel around himself. This scores very high on the list of things I never wanted to see. Anyway, he opens the door, and it's Cordy, carrying a number of bags and suitcases. She explains that she can't stand her apartment, and adds, "Get this: I tried to call Doyle -- I have sunk that low -- and there was no answer, so here I am. Not that you were the last resort, it's just that I had nowhere else left to go." Heh. I can't help noting the painting of an elf playing a flute on the wall behind Angel in this scene. Has he been shopping at Renaissance Fairs? During her ranting, Cordy also turns the record off, halting "Ode to Joy," which is, I'll confess, an unusually subtle bit of foreshadowing for this show. Cordy goes on to complain about the roaches, describing them as "all skinny feet and creepy antlers," which causes Angel to wonder, "Antlers?" She ignores him, and suddenly wonders how many roaches might be hidden in her luggage. Angel looks perturbed by that idea. Cordy concludes by saying she needs a shower, and that she'll have to stay at Angel's place until she finds a new apartment. In return, when she gets resettled, Angel is welcome to come visit. "Hey, you can just dump my stuff on your couch or let me have the bed, whatever you feel good about." She heads for the shower, stopping to ask, "Do you have mousse?" After looking at Angel again, she realizes, "Of course you do." Exit Cordy, who did a good job even though she had virtually all the dialogue there.
Doyle enters the office the morning, looking all shifty and nervous. As usual. He descends into the vampcave and finds Cordy sitting at the breakfast table in a robe, combing her hair while using a shiny tea kettle as a mirror. Hee. She greets Doyle and asks, "You ever get that feeling like you just can't shower enough, like something's happened and you'll never be clean?" While Doyle tries to follow that line of thought, Angel enters, wearing boxers (black, naturally) and a red robe. Which I really wish he'd tied around him. Please, make him put clothes on! He's also got some sort of unidentifiable pendant hanging on a chain around his neck, I guess to draw attention to his shiny, pale chest. Ugh. He complains that Cordy got peanut butter on his bed. Cordy denies any responsibility, but goes to examine the evidence. Doyle has the predictable comedic misinterpretation: "You know I was crazy about her, and I was wearing her down, too! But no, handsome brooding vampire guy has to swoop in, all sensitive mouth and overhanging forehead." Angel questioningly feels his eyebrows. I'm really a sucker for any jokes making fun of Angel's appearance. Doyle goes on, "How about leaving some scraps for the homely looking fellas who don't turn evil when the get some?" Angel explains, Doyle is reassured. Cordy returns, now wearing a pinkish pleated skirt that laces down the front, which is low on her hips so there's a gap between it and her skanky little top, and who is dressing these people? Cordy insists that Angel must have gotten peanut butter on the sheets. When Angel points out, "I don't eat," she responds, "Well, then I don't even want to know how it got there." Ew. Given Angel's clear declaration that he does not eat, and how regular the inconsistencies are becoming, I expect we'll see him dining on steak sometime soon.
“ How come sometimes they take the elevator and sometimes they take the stairs? It's only one floor, isn't it? I'm pretty damn lazy, and even I wouldn't take an elevator just to go down one level. ”
Angel leaves to wash his sheets, and Cordy complains about Angel's lack of mirrors. "Like it'd kill him to not see himself?" Heh again. Doyle asks if anyone has called the office lately trying to find him. Cordy says yes, his cousin called yesterday, "With one of those names from your part of England." Doyle more or less lets that pass, and when Cordy asks if his "cousin" found him, he says yes. "But you see, a little warning might have been nice. Give a guy a chance to neat the place up, you know?" Cordy says she was just trying to do Doyle a favor, and maybe she shouldn't have bothered. Doyle points out that Cordy doesn't pick up the phone when her own friends call, so there's no need to make an effort for him. Cordy suggests, "How about you make me a list of the people you're too good to talk to?" Meow! Go Cordy. Angel enters, and asks what's happening. Doyle insists it's nothing, and when Angel notices the bruise on Doyle's hand, Doyle claims he got it playing badminton. Angel is suddenly distracted, and asks, "And the reason that there's a wet towel on my leather chair?" Cordy tries to smile winningly, and Angel grabs the towel and sulks away.
Some time later, Doyle is stealing one of Angel's books when he notices Cordy slicing up the linoleum in the kitchenette with what looks like a butter knife. Cordy explains that she wanted to know if there were hardwood floors underneath. Uh. Okay. Cordy has also set up her trophies, tiara, and diploma on a nearby shelf. The diploma is a bit singed around the edges, as a little nod to those who saw the last season finale of Buffy. Angel comes downstairs -- which reminds me, how come sometimes they take the elevator and sometimes they take the stairs? It's only one floor, isn't it? I'm pretty damn lazy, and even I wouldn't take an elevator just to go down one level. Anyway, Angel tells Doyle, "There's a big guy here to see you. I'll tell him you'll be right up." Doyle nervously thanks Angel. As soon as Angel starts back up, Doyle dashes to the back door, or something. As he scurries around another corner upstairs, Angel steps out in front of him and asks, "You gonna tell me what's going on?" That was pretty sneaky. For Angel. I'd really like a map of this building's layout, because what I've seen makes no sense.
A blipvert spares us from hearing about plot points we already know. Doyle asks Angel for help dealing with this demon trouble. Angel says he has his own priorities, but if Doyle can help him, maybe he can help Doyle. But we are interrupted before we learn what Angel needs help with, as Cordy enters, asking "I was just wondering if you had any linoleum glue...for if it started curling up all over." Angel sounding, and no doubt feeling, like a stressed father who's very close to snapping, says very, very quietly, "I'll be there in a minute." Cordy heads back downstairs, and we wait eagerly to find out what on earth Angel could possibly want help with. Oh, the suspense! Well, it turns out Angel wants Doyle to help Cordy find a new place. I didn't see that coming.
Doyle claims he can use his contacts to locate an apartment, but Cordy won't let him, so...cue the wacky apartment-hunting montage! There's the tiny one-room apartment. There's the commune, with a very public toilet and group meetings at 5 AM. Cordy says that's too early for her, but the perky cultist says, "You'll be up: the chanting starts at four!" Finally, there's the place with the slimy landlord (could this be Pantalone?), who scratches his belly as he points out how safe Cordy will be with him just across the hall. Cordy reluctantly asks Doyle if they can ask his friend for help, which causes a blipvert. During all this wackiness, Angel is in Doyle's apartment, thinking. We know he's thinking because he's holding his fingers up near his mouth. He picks the dresser drawer up off the floor and leans in, peering into the empty slot in the dresser. Oh, he was thinking so hard because he was trying to figure out how to put the drawer back in! But he'll never get the chance to try out his theory, because that's when the dapper demon grabs him from behind.
Melissa Gilbert, or someone who looks an awful lot like her, escorts Cordy and Doyle into a charming furnished apartment. It's also got a fireplace, just like Angel's place. I had no idea that fireplaces were so common in Southern California apartments. ["They're not." --Wing Chun] Cordy declares that it's perfect, and agrees to take it. Let's all just choose to believe that they discussed how much rent was already, and we didn't see that part, okay? As Half-Pint goes to fill out the "rental forms" (Is there some reason I don't know to avoid the word "lease" there?), Cordy gestures to a dividing wall and says, "First thing, I hire someone to take out that wall." Doyle says he thought she said it was perfect, but Cordy explains "Part of it [sic] being perfect is there being one tiny little flaw for me to fix." Doyle suggests, "That must be why you find me so fascinating." Cordy, bless her, snorts but otherwise ignores him. Not only can she afford this place for what she was paying to live in the roach hotel, but she can afford to plan modifications to the architecture? Cordy and Doyle stroll away, so they don't notice when that wall Cordy dislikes start to morph out into the shape of a face. Uh oh, it looks like it's Angel versus The Frighteners!
So, in End of Days am I supposed to root for Arnold Schwarzenegger and against Gabriel Byrne? 'Cause that's not gonna happen.
“ A wind begins blowing, scattering packing material and rocking the lamps. 'Oooo, cold wind! Scary!' responds Cordy sarcastically. 'What are you going to do, chap me to death?' Hee hee! ”
Oh, hey, remember back when that demon grabbed Angel? Well, they're still fighting. Angel slams the dapper demon's head into various things and learns that his name is Griff, and that since Doyle hasn't repaid his mysterious employer, Griff is going to kill Doyle. Griff asks why a vampire would help "some little demon half-breed." Angel threatens Griff, and Griff agrees to let Angel get the money from Doyle. Meanwhile, Cordy sleeps in her new home. The radio switches on, playing "You Always Hurt the Ones You Love," drawers mysteriously open and close. A woman hisses, "What do you think you're doing here? You never should have come." The captioning adds, "What do you think you are, you little tramp?" A drawer slams shut suddenly, waking Cordy. Back at the office, Doyle says Angel didn't do much good, since Doyle still doesn't have the money to repay his debt. Eventually it occurs to him to thank Angel anyway, though. Angel decides to switch from vampire detective to vampire psychiatrist, and asks Doyle why he lives the way he does. Doyle says it keeps his expectations from getting too high, which I don't think is much of an answer, and theorizes that Angel would understand that. Angel says he does, but points out, "This kind of life sort of picked me. You don't have to do it this way. What happened?" Doyle insists, "Things aren't all gloom in Doyle City." Doyle City? Doyle says that Cordy is one of the bright spots in his life, which suggests just how bad things are for Doyle, and he speculates about how grateful Cordy will be to him for her new apartment. Well until she learns that he only helped her so Angel would protect him, at least.
Cordy is sitting upright in bed, listening to a variety of creepy noises. She turns the radio off, but can't get the lamp to come on. When she reaches for a glass of water on the nightstand, it begins boiling. As the bed begins bobbing up and down, Cordy starts to shout, "I'm from Sunnydale! You're not scaring me, you know!" By the time the sun comes up, Cordy is pulling a Rain Man, rocking back and forth on the floating bed, which suddenly drops to the floor. We find her looking into the bathroom mirror, reassuring herself, "Bright, shiny morning. Nothing bad here." She opens the medicine cabinet and when she closes it she's looking down, so she doesn't see the rumpled old dead lady behind her in the mirror. Cordy moves to the living room, where she pulls a chair out about two inches from the wall, which seems like an odd thing to do, but what do I know about interior decorating? As she starts to move on, the chair slides back against the wall. Cordy chuckles a little, and pulls the chair out several feet. This time the chair smashes into the wall and breaks. As she backs up, a curtain cord thingy (do those things have a name?) begins wrapping around her arm, and as she wriggles away Cordy reverts to shouting again. "You know what? I get it! You're a ghost, you're dead! Big accomplishment; move on! You see a light anywhere? Go towards it, okay?" A wind begins blowing, scattering packing material and rocking the lamps. "Oooo, cold wind! Scary!" responds Cordy sarcastically. "What are you going to do, chap me to death?" Hee hee!