This episode of Angel was the continuation of a special "crossover event" with Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Before it aired, I wondered if I would need to spend time summarizing BtVS in order to bring readers up to speed on what happened. As it turned out, NOTHING HAPPENED. No, really. I love Spike more than you'll ever know, so I was committing this one to videotape, and forty-five minutes into BtVS, I hit rewind because it wasn't worth watching ever again. If you missed it, this is what you need to know: Spike found this ring that renders vamps unkillable -- immune from sunlight, crosses, and stakings. Buffy took it from him, and Oz agreed to take it to Angel since he was going to Los Angeles for a gig anyway. The End. Learning the information in those two sentences took an hour out of my life, and I'll never get it back. But it was all worth sitting through, just for the teaser on Angel. Really. So sit back, read on, and learn why.
A blonde wearing a wide blue choker is attacked by her abusive boyfriend in an alley. Angel pops out and beats the guy up. The girl, whose name is Rachel, thanks Angel. As they talk, our view changes to reveal my beloved Spike, watching from a rooftop. Spike proceeds to provide dialogue for Rachel and Angel's conversation since they are too far away to be overheard. To wit:
as Rachel: [in a flirty falsetto] How can I thank you, you mysterious black-clad hunk of a night-thing?As Our Hero and the Damsel In Distress exit, Spike reminds the audience that he wants to get the ring back, and while he's at it, kill Angel. The audience answers, "All right by us. But can we have Spike do the dialogue for an entire whole episode sometime?" And so the credits begin.
as Angel: [in a manly cowboy drawl] No need, little lady; your tears of gratitude are enough for me. You see, I was once a bad-ass vampire, but love, and a pesky curse, defanged me. And now I'm just a big fluffy puppy with bad teeth.
[Rachel reaches toward Angel, who steps back and raises his arms]
still as Angel: No, not the hair, never the hair.
as Rachel: [she puts her hands on her hips in a provocative pose] But there must be some way I can show my appreciation.
as Angel: No! Helpin' those in need's my job. And working up a load of sexual tension and prancing away like a magnificient poof is truly thanks enough.
as Rachel: I understand. I have a nephew who's gay, so...
as Angel: Say no more! Evil's still afoot. And I'm almost out of that Nancy-boy hair gel I like SO much. Quickly, to the Angel-mobile, away!
Oz, dazed by his first blipvert, pulls up in front of Angel's building. I guess Angel's staying in touch with the old Scooby gang, since they all know where he is and stuff. Way to vanish from Buffy's life, Angel. Inside, Cordy is typing up their very first invoice. I can't help noticing that her typing skills have improved dramatically since the last episode. Oz walks in, and I think it's nice that they have such casual security, since it's not like they might ever be in danger or anything. Cordy is all excited to see Oz, and runs over to give him a hug. Having answered Cordy's questions as to the state of the Bronze ("The same"), and the gang ("They're good"), Oz asks "Are we done?" "Completely," answers Cordy. She introduces Oz to Doyle, and Oz asks where Angel is.
They take the elevator down to Angel's lair. Angel happens to be walking by as he flips through some books, perhaps books which he borrowed from his ex-girlfriend and promised to return but instead took with him when he moved to a different city. But that's just idle speculation on my part. Not that I'm bitter. Anyway, Angel says hi to his visitors and then, noticing there are more than usual, looks again and says, "Oz." Oz says, "Angel." "Nice surprise," Angel says, with no expression whatsoever. "Thanks," is the response. Angel asks, "Staying long?" and Oz answers, "A few days." Doyle questions, "Are they always like this?" Oz turns to Doyle and says, "No, we're usually laconic." Oz presents the ring to Angel and tells him it's from Buffy, who took it from Spike. While Angel, surprisingly, broods over the implications of being nigh-invulnerable, Doyle is more enthusiastic about the little present. "Why don't you put it on, and here, I'll stake ya. C'mon, it'll be fun!" Angel seems uninterested in testing the ring's powers, so the rest of them wander off to a pub.
Angel descends into his trusty sewer, recently vacated by Vincent from Beauty and the Beast, although probably no one remembers that show any more. Anyway, Angel hides the ring under a loose blipvert in the floor. The audience is relieved that there might be a retroactive explanation for all that running around in the daylight Angel's been doing.
The day, Doyle is hung over. Apparently he spent the evening drunkenly quoting Angela's Ashes, occasionally blurring it with The Flintstones See, he's Irish. So he drinks a lot. And likes Angela's Ashes.
Meanwhile, Angel is doing Tai Chi when the phone rings. It's Rachel, still wearing her strange blue choker. Apparently Lenny (the abusive ex-boyfriend) got out on a technicality. Perhaps it was because he was assaulted by a vigilante, instead of actually being arrested; that's often a pesky loophole. Angel enters his garage to take his big black convertible to the rescue -- is that how he's meant to be getting around? In a car with tinted windows? But then how does he get from the car to inside all the buildings? Joss, please explain! Well, we won't find out this time, because that's when Spike knocks Angel upside the head with a two-by-four. After explaining that he'd like his ring back, Spike says, "You're Angel, vamp detective now? Ooo, I'm so scared. What's ? Vampire cowboy? Vampire fireman? Oh, vampire ballerina." Hee hee hee! Angel says, "I do like to work with my legs," and does his little Buck-Rogers-esque kicking thing. I'm sorry, but that was a lame (so to speak) comeback. More punching and kicking and stuff. As Spike recovers from being thrown into a wall, Cordy and Doyle run in. Because their Spidey-sense was tingling, I guess. Spike looks up and says, "Cordelia? You look smashing! You lose weight?" Cordy is flattered, of course, but then remembers he's a bad guy. Spike leaves with a parting threat. Angel suggests that Cordy and Doyle hide out at Doyle's, since Spike will try to track Cordy down. Their plan is to track Spike down before he finds them.
Doyle is making calls, trying to learn where Spike might be hiding out. Cordy makes fun of Doyle's messy apartment, which "smells like bongwater." One of Doyle's contacts apparently thinks Doyle owes him $100. Because, y'know, Doyle's Irish, and so he probably gambles as well as drinking and all the rest of it. Where's Sinn Fein when you need it? Doyle asks if Spike is "as bad as all that." Cordy confirms that he is.
We blipvert over to the ever-chokered Rachel, as Angel tries to convince her to go to a shelter. Rachel is concerned that she will weaken and try to get back together with Lenny, because that's what she always does. Angel says, "You're at a crossroads, I know. It's either, go for the easy fix and wait for the consequences, or take the hard road, and go with faith." Rachel thinks he's working for a church, and the audience wonders if he's thinking about a certain naughty slayer. "In yourself, that kind of faith," he clarifies. Oh.
Cordy is telling Doyle more tales of Spike, like how Spike killed two slayers. Which she knows about because...? Then Angel calls to see if they've found out anything. Angel is also playing with his stake-ejecting-wrist bands while talking on the phone. If I were a vampire, I don't know that I'd play with anything that could suddenly shoot a stake out at me without giving it my undivided attention. Doyle gives Angel a lead that involves someone named "Manny the Pig." Doyle knows colorful people. Because he's....You know.
We see a quick series of vignettes in which Angel beats people up as he follows Spike's trail. Angel finally finds Spike in an alley, nibbling on a girl. "Let her go," Angel insists. Spike looks up and asks, "Did anyone ever tell you you're a hell of a buzz-kill, mate?" Yes, Spike -- we have. Spike releases the girl and runs off with Angel in hot pursuit. 'Cause he's in pursuit of Spike, who is hot, y'see. I like Spike. Have I mentioned that? Spike runs into a dead end, and turns, saying "Caught me fair and square, white hat." Angel asks, "You think you can come to my town and pull this crap?" Dude, when "your town" was Sunnydale, it seems to me that it was Buffy who stopped him, so why wouldn't he think that? Then a chain is wrapped around Angel's neck and he is pulled down by a mysterious bald man, while Spike looks on happily.
Cordy and Doyle wait by the phone. Cordy suspects that Angel's failure to call is bad. Doyle speculates that Angel has already killed Spike, put on the ring, and has gone surfing.
But alas, Angel is hanging in chains in a warehouse. Spike says that Marcus, the bald guy, is "a bloody king of torture, he is. Humans, demons, politicians, it makes no difference." Marcus has put some Mozart on a portable record player (Records? What're those?) and is pulling pliers and various other nasty-looking things out of a trunk. Spike continues, explaining that "Beneath the cool exterior, you'll find he's rather shy. Except with kids. You like kids, don't you, Marcus? Well, likes to eat. And other nasty things..." Marcus opens Angel's shirt to reveal his hairless chest, and comments, "His skin..." Spike responds, "Annoying isn't it? It's still attached." Marcus continues his examination, noting that Angel still has his soul, and comments that "creatures with souls have something to lose." Spike says, "Souls, fingers, toes, let's get chopping, shall we? I want my damn ring." He looks really cute in this scene. Angel tries to act like he's not scared, the big baby, so Marcus sticks a hot poker through him. Marcus continues sticking sharp things into Angel, and repeatedly asks him what he wants. Among Angel's answers is "a good pair of running shoes you can also wear out to dinner." Oh, fine: heh. Spike is getting bored with watching Angel getting tortured, and is anxious to get the ring, but Marcus insists that patience is required. As Marcus goes to heat up some more pokers, Angel tells Spike that he's an idiot to hire Marcus, since Marcus is also a vampire. After all, if Marcus finds out where the ring is, he'll take it for himself and Spike still won't get it. Spike insists that Marcus doesn't care about anything but "taking blokes apart one piece at a time. It's called addiction, Angel; we all have them [sic]. I believe yours is named Slutty the Vampire Slayer." The record ends, and Spike mentions that he ran into Buffy recently, although he doesn't mention that their encounter was part of an amazingly lame episode. Spike tells Angel, "Your name didn't come up, although she has been awful busy jumpin' the bones of the very first lunkhead who came along. Good-looking fellow. Used her shamelessly. She is cute when she's hurting, isn't she?" Hee hee hee. Angel swallows his heartbreak, to which I say, "Whatever," and responds "She's cuter when she's kicking your ass." Again, maybe I'm biased (gee, y'think?), but Angel's quips don't cut quite as deeply as Spike's. Marcus starts the music up again and starts up with the pokers again, while Spike heads out for some fresh air.
Spike searches Angel's pad, wondering, "If I was a ring, where would I be?" About this time I was a little sad, because I realized that even though I really wanted Spike to get the ring, he was supposedly the bad guy, so he wasn't going to get it. Poor Spike.
Marcus begins shooting holes through the ceiling so that rays of light shine down on or near Angel. Little does he know that Angel wanders around in daylight all the time. He says that Angel doesn't seem to want the ring, so he must want something else. Marcus mentions how much he likes children again, leading us to think this will be a plot point.
Spike walks into a room, maybe the office above Angel's, it's hard to tell. Cordy is holding a crossbow on him while Doyle wards him off with a cross. Cordy asks if Spike has the money to pay for everything he trashed as he gave the place "the full Johnny Depp-over." Heh. Spike seems happy to see them, smiling and saying, "Cordelia. Love the hair." Spike looks at Doyle and asks "What is it with you good guys always running in packs? Who's this one then?" Doyle says he's "more than meets the eye, blondie." Doyle is a Transformer? "Ooo, the mick's got spine," Spike says. "Maybe I'll snap it in two." Cordy threatens to use her crossbow, but Spike calmly notes, "You'll be dead before the arrow leaves the bow." They ask where Angel is, and Spike tries to place the name: "Tall brooding guy? Caveman brow? He's having the living hell tortured out of him." Spike suggests that they find the ring and give it to Spike before Angel dies. Can you torture a vampire to death? I mean, stakes, sunlight, holy water, crosses, okay. Those will kill vamps. But they're already dead. That's kind of the point. So how do you torture one to death? Hurt them, sure -- I can accept that you can torture them. I could accept cutting one into little bits, so the animating demon doesn't really have anything left to animate, but they're all acting like he'll bleed to death or something. Not for the first time, I wish Joss would come up with some kind of consistent logic for his supernatural beings.
Marcus continues his interrogation and torture. Angel is trying to use his feet to pick up a bit of stake-like wood that is lying on the ground conveniently near him. Marcus again asks Angel what he wants. Angel sniffles and squirms and finally says "I want...forgiveness." Whoa, what a revelation. Marcus assures Angel that soon Angel won't care about the ring, or anything else, and blah blah blah blah, really, he promises. Angel snivels, "And I promise...to kill you!" as he lunges up with the stake between his feet, but Spike jumps in and grabs his feet just in time, and takes the stake away. Marcus is displeased, but insists, "It won't be long now." Spike says, "What say I grab a pair of needle-nose pliers and give a hand?" We hear Angel's scream as we cut to...
"Drat," says Cordy, back at Angel's place. "It's not in the freezer and it's not in the toilet tank. In the movies it's always in one of those places!" Doyle agrees that the ring isn't there. They realize that they've looked everywhere...except.."The rat-infested sewer tunnels he uses to get around in the daytime," concludes Cordy.
Cordy and Doyle search the sewers. Cordy wouldn't feel around pipes in a sewer if her own life were at stake, so I'm having trouble buying that she'd do it for Angel. As Cordy walks out of view, Doyle makes his face go all pin-cushiony and sniffs, then un-demonizes and walks right to where the ring is. Johanna asks, "And Doyle's special power is that he can sniff jewelry?" That is one specialized demon. They realize that if they just give Spike the ring, he'll kill all of them, so they prepare to Make A Plan.
Cordy and Doyle find Spike is lurking in some shadows, because it's daytime, and he's a vampire, and vampires don't like sunlight, unless they're Angel. Spike asks for the ring, and they tell him they don't have it, but they know where it is. "And suddenly, I'm so painfully bored," says Spike. They insist that Spike must take them to Angel so they can make sure he's okay, and then they'll tell Spike where the ring is.
Spike enters the warehouse with Doyle and Cordy. They try to rush over to Angel, but Spike stops them and demands the ring. Doyle takes it out of his pocket and tosses it onto the floor past Spike. As Spike turns around to grab the ring, Oz crashes through the warehouse door with his van. Spike is knocked to the ground for some reason. As Cordy and Doyle free Angel and carry him to the van, Oz points two crossbows through the driver's window and says, with a little nod, "Spike." Spike looks taken aback. The Ozmobile zooms away. Spike looks around on the floor and realizes that both the ring and Marcus are gone. "Bloody hell," he sighs.
Marcus walks into the sunlight as the music of looming doom thuds into our skulls.
Johanna and I have another quick chat during the commercial break:
Johanna: [who likes Oz] My boyfriend saved the day.
Strega: My boyfriend made fun of Angel.
Johanna: My boyfriend used the word "laconic."
Strega: My boyfriend beat up Angel.
Johanna: My boyfriend drives a van.
Strega: My boyfriend has a cool leather trenchcoat.
Johanna: My boyfriend is in a band.
Strega: ...Okay, you win.
Still at the warehouse, Spike smashes some stuff. "I do the work. I do the digging. Fight off a slayer. Drive to L.A.. Hire the help. And what do I get?" The captioning said "fire the help," which is further evidence of that conspiracy I mentioned in a recap. As Spike turns a table over, we learn that the answer to his question is "Royally screwed, is what!" He continues, more calmly, "Well, that cinches it. No more partners. From now on, I'm my own man. A lone wolf. Sole survivor. Yeah! Look out, here comes Spike! The biggest, baddest, mother --" Before he can utter a very naughty word indeed, a beam of light coming through one of the bullet holes in the roof sets his hair on fire. Having extinguished the blaze, Spike concludes, "I really hope they kill each other." I think Spike probably needs a hug right about now. He had a rough day.
Marcus strolls around on a pier, watching all the beachgoers.
Doyle and Cordy tend to Angel as Oz drives the van. Cordy insists that Angel needs a doctor or he'll die. Again, I would point to the word "undead" and say, "how's that again?" Angel insists that Oz should turn the van around. They all argue against that idea until Angel says that Marcus "has a thing for children. Oz, turn around, he can't have gone far." Oz makes it so.
Marcus walks toward a group of kids gathered around a hot dog cart. He turns at the sound of squealing tires, and Oz's van plows into him, knocking him into some people. Cordy jumps out of the van and hustles the kids away. Oz fires an arrow at Marcus, hitting him in the chest. Marcus laughs and pulls the arrow out as Doyle runs up and tries to punch him. Doyle misses, and Marcus punches Doyle and then kicks him down. Oz turns to Angel in the van and asks, "Are you sure about this?" Angel says, "Yeah," and Oz pulls open the side door on the van. Angel jumps out and runs toward Marcus as his back bursts into flame. He grabs Marcus and pulls him along as they both hurtle off the pier and into the water. The gang looks over the edge of the pier for Angel.
Angel and Marcus surface under the pier and have A Big Fight. Angel reminds Marcus that he promised to kill Marcus. Whatever. Kicking, punching, snarling, hissing. Angel says that Marcus never cracked him, even though he tried, and shoves Marcus back so that a broken bit of wood spears him. Marcus starts to laugh at how ineffective that is, and Angel grabs Marcus' hand and pulls the ring off. Marcus goes poof. Angel puts the ring on and walks out into the sunlight. The gang runs down to check on him. Angel tells Oz, "Thanks for the help, man, you were key." Oz responds, "You're...incredibly pale." Cordy suggests that they get Angel home, but Doyle asks her to give Angel a minute. Angel wanders a few feet, staring, dazed, at the sunlight, the water, the people (none of whom seem interested in that whole thing with the van hitting someone, the crossbow attack, or the flaming body falling to the water. Californians really are laid back). Angel is, no doubt, awed and renewed by his first glimpse of daylight in several hundred years. Yawn. If he wasn't always wandering around in the daytime, I might care. But I probably wouldn't, because it's Angel. Oz repeats that Angel is really quite pale.
Angel and Doyle are on the rooftop, watching the sun set. Angel says he won't wear the ring any more. Doyle points out that if he did, Angel could help people who are out in the daytime. Angel says, "They have help. The whole world is designed for them. So much that they have no idea what goes on around them after dark. They don't see the weak ones lost in the night, or the things that prey on them. If I join them, maybe I'd stop seeing too." I quoted all that because it makes so little sense. There are plenty of good reasons Angel shouldn't keep the ring -- like, we've seen how easy it is to steal it from people several times already, and from a story perspective you don't want an invulnerable hero, because it's really dull. Angel's reason, however, is dumb. Anyway, he smashes the ring. Doyle tells Angel that Rachel called to say thanks, and that she found a little faith. Angel comments, "I had a nice day...You know, except for the bulk of it, where I was nearly tortured to death." He adds, "I was this close to telling him everything. One more hot poker and I was giving him the ring, your mom, everything." As they head inside, Angel asks Doyle, "How is your mom?" His mom? That was funny, but I'm not sure if it was funny in the way it was meant to be funny. Or if it was meant to be funny at all.
In conclusion, I assume the subplot with Rachel was meant to set up Angel giving up the ring at the end, but first of all, the parallels aren't very parallel. She was weighing temporary happiness with this jerk against the fact that he kept trying to kill her. Angel was weighing enhanced abilities against...not having them. Second, they've made it work in the past, but this time the contrast between an actual real-life problem and demonic forces just didn't work for me. Third, was Rachel's choker meant as more misdirection? Were we supposed to think she might be a vampire? I did think that at the start of the teaser, but I'm still not sure if it was intentional or not. And finally, it would have helped if we'd maybe seen why Rachel made her decision, or even just seen her again, period. The B-story was gone for the second half of the show, and then suddenly at the end Doyle says, "oh, she called, and she's fine." I think it might have been better to drop that storyline entirely after the teaser. And then they could have had more scenes with Spike making fun of Angel instead. I'd have liked that.