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Television Without Pity | Angel TV Show - Angel Recaps, Angel Reviews & Angel Episodes | TWoP

Recapped by Strega

By Strega

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Previously on Angel, not-handsome Angel saved Fred from the monsters, Fred hid in her room, Gavin and Lilah discussed strategy, Cordy got bumpy, and Angel got protective.

The MoG are hanging out in the Hyperion's lobby. Wesley's hunched over the front desk, reading. Gunn's hunched over the front desk, playing with his unostentatiously product-placed electronic game, and Cordy is hunched over the round sofa, reading a magazine. Okay, they don't have tables, fine, but there are two perfectly serviceable couches in the lobby! Well, don't come crying to me when you all have backaches. Fred strolls up behind Cordy and startles her. Cordy screams. Wesley flails about in surprise. Gunn says, "Hey Fred," without looking up. While this won't win any comedy awards, it's worth noting that this gag didn't rely on misdirection, and its basic premise is that Gunn is cool. I appreciate both of those things. Fred looks at the magazine Cordy's flipping through, and asks, "Why do girls want to look like that? I spent years in a cave, starving. What's their excuse?" Okay, heh. And it's nice to acknowledge Fred's skeletal appearance in a way that doesn't glorify it. On the other hand...Fred's culture-shock seems a little peculiar, since she was still basically an adult when she went to Pylea. It's not like supermodels of the living dead are a new trend. Fred looks around and asks if "everyone's just readin' and hangin' out?" Cordy takes the hint and says that Angel's upstairs. Fred dreamily supposes that Angel is reading "The Brothers Karamazav, Joyce, a little Goethe to round things out...." The misdirection-based-comedy alarm goes off as Angel wanders our, holding a newspaper, and begs someone to explain Blondie to him. Well, no, he's just excited about a "Charlton Heston double feature at the Nu Art: Soylent Green and The Omega Man!" Angel's a Charlton Heston fan? I wouldn't have guessed that. But I never would have guessed I'd mention Heston in two consecutive recaps, so what do I know? It makes plenty of sense that Angel would enjoy The Omega Man, although I kept expecting someone to explain that, because I bet a large portion of the audience won't get that joke. Maybe they do, because they heard about the possible remake. Now that I've depressed myself, let's move on. Angel asks whether anyone else wants to go, but only Fred is interested. Angel tells her, "You may not know this, Fred, but certain friends and co-workers have been known to accuse me of being the quiet, stay-at-home, sulky one." Fred smiles dizzily and takes his arm as they head for the door.

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We cut across town to a ménage à trois, already in progress. Or technically, not in progress, thank goodness. Two women are begging their beefy companion for a time-out. One woman is still wearing a teddy, while the other drapes herself with one of those special L-shaped sheets. The stud, who we'll eventually learn is named Woody Raglan -- bwa ha ha! Uh, sorry. Hee. Mr. Raglan gets out of bed and fixes himself a martini so that we can admire his various bulgy muscles. Ew. After chugging his martini -- again, ew -- he heads back to the bed and asks, "Ready for round four?" We haven't even gotten to the credits and I've already hit my "ew" quota. Luckily, he suddenly winces in pain. He tells the girls, "It's been fun," and starts chanting a spell. After a minute of this, the Vorlon he was hiding leaps out of his eyes and mouth in a blaze of light and scurries away. The girls look on as his body melts in on itself in a effect that isn't too bad until we see it finally collapse into a puddle of flesh-covered latex. Maybe you should have cut that last shot, guys.

My friend Kelly came over to visit, and so during the credits, I try to explain who all the characters are, since she's never seen the show before. Nor has she seen Buffy. Thank goodness I could keep on explaining things during the commercial break. Anyway, when we return to the show, Fred is in the office, yammering all about her movie-going experience to a patient Wesley. Fred's very enthusiastic, and I start to wonder if maybe she has a crush on Angel or something. It's probably just my imagination. She says, "Even though we didn't talk a lot, it was still okay. It was comfortable. It wasn't that awkward kind of quiet. You know that awkward kind of quiet?" There's a beat before Wesley lies, "No, that's never happened to me." I wonder if Wesley has ever experienced a quiet pause that wasn't awkward. In the lobby, Angel has picked up his newspaper and is sounding out the big words in Marmaduke when Cordy says that he should talk to Fred "about the big date [they] had last night." Angel insists that it wasn't a date, and Cordy explains that Fred might not realize that. Cordy says, "She's got the big puppy love. I mean, who wouldn't? You're handsome, and brave, and heroic..." Angel starts smiling at his wonderfulness until Cordy continues, "Emotionally stunted, erratic, prone to turning evil, and let's face it, a eunuch." Hey! Check out the alliteration! Shout-out? Angel gets particularly huffy at the last item on that list. Cordy says it's a figure of speech, which is news to me, and Angel snaps, "Find a better one!" Cordy gamely goes over the curse again for new viewers, although I don't think it cleared anything up for Kelly. Cordy finally gets back to the point, which is that Fred's got to let go of her crush. Angel finally admits that "a short talk" might be in order, and turns back to the paper, asking, "How soon can you do that?" Cordy says Angel has to do it, and hauls him to his feet. I can understand why Angel wouldn't look forward to that chat, but if you're trying to have a delicate conversation with Fred without hurting her feelings, Cordy isn't the person I'd put in charge.

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Exhibit A: Cordy shoves Angel into the office and announces, "Angel has something to say!" Fred and Wesley look up expectantly. Angel wisely decides this isn't the right setting to shatter Fred's heart into a billion pieces. He looks at the paper in his hand, and asks, "Did anybody else see this?" He shows Wesley an article about the incredible wilting Woody. I can't believe I said that. You know: the melting guy from the teaser! Wesley recalls seeing a similar case last week, and starts pulling out notes. Cordy points out that nobody hired them to investigate this case. She is ignored. Wesley pulls out an article describing another melted corpse that was found ten days ago, and agrees that they should look into it. Angel tells Cordy to "open a case file," and hurries out. Cordy blinks and then follows after Angel, preparing to yell at him.

At Wolfram & Hart, Gavin is tagging along behind Lilah. He tells her, "I know I'm going to have to earn your respect, but give me a little time. You'll see [that] I'm a creative guy." Lilah teases Gavin about his insidious plan to "torment Angel with building-code violations." Gavin insists that he has other ideas: "One of them being, does Angel even exist?" Lilah worries that Gavin's getting metaphysical on her. He explains that Angel doesn't have a social security, a taxpayer ID, or even a last name. "How can he go down to the building department -- or anywhere else in officialdom for that matter?" "Officialdom"? Gavin asks whether Lilah wants to see what Angel will do , and Lilah suggests that Angel might rip out Gavin's throat. Gavin doesn't think Angel would do anything so clichéd. I laugh bitterly to myself. Gavin wanders off, and Lilah asks her secretary to track down "Carter Williams, the graphic artist." The secretary looks bewildered until Lilah clarifies, "Look under 'F' for 'Forger.'" That's an interesting way to organize your address book.

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Everyone gathers around the stupid front desk as Cordy pulls out a printout of a news story about another mysterious death. Wesley sums up the situation: "They were all young healthy males, and they all died in expensive hotel suites." Wesley asks Gunn to interview staff at the hotels while Wesley meets with one of his contacts from the coroner's office. One of his what? Fine, whatever. Wesley spent the summer networking. It'd have to be coroners, too; it couldn't be, say, funeral directors. Would a Six Feet Under crossover be so wrong? Angel could stake Brenda, and everybody wins. Cordy announces that all of the victims went to the same health club, which I guess she learned through of one of her contacts on the writing staff. Angel and Cordy agree to check out the gym. Everyone heads out, except Fred. She twitches by herself for a moment and announces, "I'll just stay here." I really wish she'd stop giving me flashbacks to high school.

At the gym, Cordy keeps nagging Angel about talking to Fred. She's distracted by the hunky men, though, and goes off to hit on...I mean, "interview" them. Angel approaches a dopey guy working there, who immediately tries to sell Angel a trial membership. Angel explains that he's investigating the deaths, and says, "So I need to ask you, Phil, does the club condone steroid use?" Phil appears to be wearing a name tag, in case you were wondering how Angel knew his name. I certainly was. Angel says, "We should probably keep this to ourselves, don't you think? I'll just look at their records and get out of your hair." Phil is agreeable.

Cordy asks several guys, "Did you ever see anyone come in who looked suspicious? Or really pale? Or maybe green and scaly?" The guys turn and look at each other meaningfully. A blipvert attacks before we can see them kiss.

Phil informs Angel that all three victims attended the same evening Pilates class. Angel asks whether Pilates is anything like Tae-Bo. Phil chuckles, "Yeah, if you're living in 1999." I think that was supposed to be funny. I'm just trying to figure out how Angel heard about Tae-Bo. I mean, the "oh that wacky out-of-touch Angel" gags have him making more and more contemporary references. It's confusing.

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Angel strolls through the Pilates class, and the instructor fails to ask what on earth he's doing in their class. Angel walks over by the window, looks out, and sees a flash of light reflecting through a window across the street. The light flashes again, and we can tell that it's reflecting off a pair of binoculars. Angel notes that the building is part of the "Montserrat Retirement Community."

Cordelia has gathered an even larger crowd of healthy young men to question, and is asking for their phone numbers in case she has "follow-up questions." Angel walks up and informs her that he wants to check out the retirement home across the street. Cordy replies, "Bye." Angel starts to leave, then leans back to add, "Maybe when you're done with your work here, you can pick me up." Cordy smiles tightly, and as Angel departs, informs the guys, "He's just someone I work with."

In the retirement home, Angel knocks on the door of room 316. Visiting hours sure run late at this place. A card on the door reads "Marcus Roscoe." The door opens, and it's Rance Howard! Who's been in, like, everything. Angel introduces himself, hands over a business card, and manages to wheedle an invitation into the room from Marcus. Angel heads over the window and asks whether Marcus spends any time enjoying the view. Marcus starts to deny it until Angel picks up the binoculars. Marcus oozes folksy charm as he admits that looking is "about all [he] can do," and asks what Angel wants. Angel pulls out the newspaper printouts and asks whether Marcus remembers seeing any of the guys. Marcus says he's more of a girl-watcher. Marcus looks down at the clippings again and says, "Jeez, they all died? How?" Angel explains that he's trying to answer that question. He says, "I'm a private investigator; I work with a team." What an odd thing to say. "I work with a team!" Bully for you, pal. Marcus says, "I was a salesman, worked alone for fifty years." Angel purses his lips and gets an inexplicably smug expression as he looks over at some trinkets on a bookcase. He walks over, picks one up, and says, "Nothian herb jar. That's a pretty exotic item. Did you deal in the occult?" Marcus replies, "Occult, shma-cult." He claims that he picked up some "trinkets" in his travels. Then Angel eyes a pile of magazines. The only one we can see is about skiing, which makes Angel's question, and its suspicious tone, especially jarring: "Do a lot of bungee jumping, Mr. Roscoe?" How dare an old person read about sports! He's up to something! Marcus replies, "More than you might think, Mr. Angel." Angel says, "It's just 'Angel.'" Marcus says he'll remember that, removes his glasses, and starts the mystic chanting. Angel, who can't decide whether he's supposed to have figured out what's going on yet or not, chuckles, and says, "You might want to think twice before trying to cast a --" He's cut off when he and Marcus trade glowy colored blobs of light. So Angel thinks magic won't have an effect on him? Has he noticed that he owes his existence to magic? The beams stop; Marcus looks at Angel and, confused, announces, "You are me." Angel head-butts Marcus and sets him down in a chair.

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Before things get any more confusing, I guess I'm going to have to come up with some terminology here. Unfortunately, I can't duplicate the Fuffy/Baith magic with these names, because I end up with "Mngel" and "Aarcus." Humph. I was hoping I could find some combination that would allow me to refer to Angel as "Man-gel," but alas, that didn't work either. The best I can do with these names is "Marcel" for Marcus-in-Angel's-body, and "Angus" for "Angel-in-Marcus's-body." Got that? Okay, moving on.

Marcel leaves the retirement home and starts to mosey down the street when Cordy calls him. Marcel eyes Cordy and says, "Hel-lo!" She asks what he found at the home, and after a moment, Marcel nervously says, "Nothing. Didn't pan out. How 'bout you?" Cordy says she got a trial membership and some new friends, but no leads. She tells Marcel to get in the car, so she can take him back to the hotel. Marcel hops in and leeringly repeats, "You and me! Goin' back to the hotel!" Cordy stares at him and asks whether he's okay. Marcel says, "Honey, I've never been better." And then Cordelia stakes him. Well, she doesn't, but she totally should have at that point. As the car pulls away, Marcel leans over so that his head is outside the car. Maybe he actually swapped bodies with a dog. Oh! Or maybe it's a remake of The Shaggy DA! That'd be quite exciting.

Marcel strolls into the Hyperion lobby and, after looking around, says "Nice!" He says that a lot. Cordy heads into the office, which confuses Marcel; he's busily ringing the bell at the front desk. He calls, "Hellooo, paying customer? Slow night." It's convenient how Cordy only hears the remarks that would make sense coming from Angel. Anyway, she agrees, adding, "Maybe Wes or Gunn found out something." Marcel tries to force his new brain to think, and looks at the business cards on the front desk. He talks to himself as he puts the pieces together: "Wes or Gunn. They're a great part of our investigating team. Working here with us, in this old, abandoned hotel." His delivery is pretty amusing, and reminds me of someone in a bad role-playing game. And from his point of view, that's what it is, but you'd think he'd be better at it. Oh well. Angel pulls out one of the cards, and hey -- they've all got personalized cards! Even Gunn! Except Angel doesn't, I guess because it would look dumb, with his lack of a last name and all. Angel picks up Cordy's card and reads the name: "Cordelia." She looks up, and he continues, "Have I ever told you that you're a very beautiful woman?" Cordy obligingly provides her own context, and says, "Very funny. I know you never said anything that tacky and overt to Fred. But you're still going to have that talk, whether you want to or not." Is it tacky to tell someone they're beautiful, now? I'm so far out of touch. Marcel plays along to figure out what Cordy's talking about. She advises him, "Just keep it simple. One: you're not like other men. Two: there's no room in the workplace for romance." Marcel mutters, "Romance with Fred. So I'm a --" He looks down at the clothes he's wearing, and nods. "Obviously." Tee hee. Cordy is once again oblivious, tells Marcel to get some rest from his long hard day of talking to people, and leaves. While Marcel's goofball delivery of his lines is entertaining, I do have trouble imagining Rance Howard talking the way Marcel does.

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Angus comes to in the retirement home. He gets up and crosses the room to look in a mirror, where he sees a blur. He fumbles around for his glasses and then looks again. You'd expect him to have more reaction to seeing anything in the mirror, much less seeing someone who isn't him. Sure, he knows what's happened, but if you just get a new haircut it's still surprising to see it in the mirror for a while.

Angus sneaks out of his room and down to the lobby, where a phone sits on a desk. He doesn't have a phone in his room? Is this a retirement home or a prison? We cut to the office at the Hyperion; Marcel is flipping through the various files when the phone rings. Marcel lets the machine get it, and hears Angus tell Cordy to pick up the phone. Needless to say, Rance Howard does make some effort to talk like Angel. Upon hearing, uh, himself, Marcel merrily picks up the phone and says, "How's my head? Hope you put some ice on it. Sweet deal you got going here -- love the hotel! And Cordelia, woof! That's how I spell W-O-M-A-N!" Is that a senior citizen talking? Seriously. ["'Woof'?" -- Wing Chun] Angus asks where Cordy is, and Marcel tells him not to worry about anything "except eating some nice soft foods and staying out of Ryan's way." "'Ryan'?" Angus wonders, at which point the phone is plucked out of his hand by -- you guessed it: Ryan the orderly, or night nurse, or warden, or whatever. Ryan says that Marcus just lost his phone privileges for the month. Yeah! Keep those old people off the phones! Meanwhile, Marcel takes the cassette out of the answering machine and smashes it. Wouldn't it have been less conspicuous just to rewind the tape? Ryan escorts Angus back to his room, while reminding him that he's not supposed to leave his cell...er, "room," so late at night. I hope when Angel gets his body back, he'll rescue the retirees from this place. Ryan makes sure that Angus isn't having one of his "episodes," which I guess is a little pun, and then chuckles, "My advice, Marcus? You start thinking you're a twenty-four-year-old stud or a famous skateboarder, keep it to yourself. Unless you want to wake up in iso and restraints again, copy?" Good grief.

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The morning, Cordy walks into the office to find Marcel asleep at the desk, with files and papers spread out on every available surface. She wakes Marcel, who calls her "doll" and explains that he must have fallen asleep while working on the case. Cordy asks whether he was too tired to go up to his room, and he blurts, "My room? Which I have upstairs! Yeah, I was just givin' a hundred percent, like I always do. What'd I do with that darn case file?" Cordy holds up the case file and explains that he gave it to her. Marcel says he must be getting old, and reaches out for it, but Cordy snatches it away and says, "Not until you have that talk with Fred." And that's, naturally, when Wesley strolls in, enthusing about the superior merits of brewed tea to the bagged variety. Kelly -- who, I'll repeat, has never seen the show before -- can already tell where this scene is going. Wesley sees the messy office and asks what happened, and Marcel says he was just looking for something. Cordy reminds Marcel again about "the talk," and exits. Marcel tries to clean up the mess he made and tries to trade pleasantries with Wesley. He gives up almost immediately, sits down, and declares, "So, we gotta talk. Thing is, I got nothing against you personally, it's just --" He squirms about in his chair and admits that this is harder than he thought it would be. Wesley, concerned, says, "Whatever it is, you know I'm here for you," and puts a comforting hand on Marcel's knee. Which doesn't make much sense, but it is kind of entertaining to watch Marcel react by scooting the chair back. Not to mention the way he blurts, "Yeah, well, that may be the problem." Marcel crosses his legs in the accepted "manly" style and babbles, "Whatever we had, whatever we...did...I just think we should keep that behind us. Start from scratch. Two men working side by side but, you know, none of that funny stuff." Wesley sits back and looks a bit irritated, frankly. Marcel sticks his hand out and asks, "Shake on that?" Wesley gives up trying to make sense of the situation and simply says, "I guess." They shake. And then I give up trying to make sense of the situation, since after the handshake, Marcel stands and declares, "Hey, you're all right! Give me a hug!" and pulls Wesley into a big hug. Marcel is giving such mixed signals.

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On the one hand, I can understand why they went for the obvious gag here, but I can't help thinking that there were other options that could have actually revealed something new about the characters. Particularly since Marcel would probably assume that he is the head of the "team," given the name on the cards, and that could have led to some conflict with Wesley. And it'd be quite interesting to see who Gunn and Cordy would support in that situation. You can do wacky and still say serious things about the characters, is all I'm saying. Ah, well. Marcel continues the hug as Cordy calls, "Wesley, food's here!" Wesley squeaks out his acknowledgement, at which point Marcel pulls away in surprise. He confirms that the man he's talking to is Wesley, and asks where Fred is. The ever-confused Wesley guesses that she's up in her room. Marcel catches the pronoun and is rather pleased to learn that Fred's a girl. Then he asks, "Did somebody say something about food? I could eat a horse!" And then Wesley pulls out a stake and dusts Angel for acting weird. No, he doesn't. Man, if Angelus ever does reappear, these people are toast.

Marcel and Wesley head out to the lobby, where Gunn has arrived with coffee and breakfast burritos. Gack. Marcel pulls out some money and shoves it into Gunn's shirt pocket, telling him to keep the change. He also calls Gunn "Bro." So maybe this is meant to be how an old person trying to sound like a young person would talk? I'm not convinced. Angel sits down and chows down on the burrito, then looks up in surprise as Wesley starts asking Gunn about the case. Gunn says that he talked to the hotel staff, and that all of the dead guys ran up big bills and did a lot of partying. He somehow managed to finagle copies of their phone bills, which he pulls out. Through a mouthful of food, Marcel objects: "Isn't that illegal? I mean, don't these guys deserve a little privacy?" Everyone stares at him, and Cordelia asks, "Why are you eating?" Which Kelly had been complaining about ever since he bit into the burrito. I had to explain that the vampires can eat food, they just don't do it much. Kelly wasn't convinced. Marcel explains that he's hungry. I wait for someone to point out that he's eating their breakfast, because wouldn't you expect them just to get four? Or is Marcel eating Fred's? Or does she eat? Wesley notes that all of the victims called the same phone number, which Gunn says he traced to "First Class Escorts." Cordy helps the audience out by identifying these escorts as hookers. Then Gunn and Wesley play, "Oh no, let me" over who gets to talk to the hookers. Have they all been possessed by horny old men? If Gunn's been roaming the L.A. streets for years, you'd think he'd have an idea of exactly how exotic and glamorous prostitutes are. Wesley did know about the demon brothel, of course. Anyway, Cordy snatches the address from Gunn and says she'll talk to the hookers. Then she asks, "Are there any men who aren't just dogs?" Marcel oozes, "Not very many, I'm afraid." Then he tells Wesley and Gunn that "a woman is more than a piece a meat -- sorry, that's just how I feel." The MoG give that a big "Whatever," and Wesley's pager goes off. He says that it's his coroner pal, and that he can go see one of the victims' bodies. Cordy suggests that Gunn go along as well, and then Gunn says something stupid and leaves. Angel announces that he'll "hold the fort, keep an eye on the evidence," and stuffs the rest of the burrito into his mouth.

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As a paroled prisoner is returned to the retirement home, the security forces are distracted and Angus sees a chance to escape. He gets up from the couch and moves to the door, but is interrupted by another old man who says, "I got someone I want you to meet." Angus says he's busy, but the man displays his granddaughter, Katrina. He puts the teeny baby in Angus's arms and says, "Girl's gonna rule the world!" Angus makes a mental note: possible antichrist spotted at retirement home. He admires the baby and then looks up to see that the guard has returned to the front desk. Drat.

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Marcel finishes shredding the papers about his victims and relaxes with a martini. There are martini fixings in the hotel? Fred suddenly asks, "Whatcha doing?" Marcel grins at the sight of her and says, "Hey, sweetheart! Where have you been hiding?" Fred giggles that she was up in her room but everyone keeps telling her to get out more, so here she is. Incidentally, "Fred giggles" is rapidly closing in on "Darla simpers" in my list of most-used-phases. Marcel gulps his martini and asks, "Have I ever told you [that] you're a very bee-yootiful woman?" Fred grins and admits that he hasn't. He asks if she likes olives, and offers her the one from his drink. Fred snaps it up. Marcel tells her that he needs to finish something, but she should "go on upstairs, put on something pretty," and he'll take her out. Fred gasps, goggles, giggles, and gibbers. And then runs off to change clothes. I hope she remembers to wear something fire-retardant, in case she's standing close to Marcel when he walks outside with her. He returns to his shredding, but then looks up to see Lilah walk into the room. In a total lounge-lizard tone, he asks, "What can I dooo for youuuuuu?" Lilah tells him not to go "night-stalker" on her. Heh. She says she wants to do him a favor, and confirms that there aren't any hard feelings about that business with Cordelia. When Marcel goes along with that, she deposits a big stack of paper on the desk. She explains, "It's all in there: earthquake-safe certification, statement of asbestos level compliance, all of it." Marcel stands up, and she hurriedly explains, "It's not about you, it's about Gavin. He thinks he's so smart." Then she realizes that Marcel is just pouring a martini, and finishes, "You're welcome." Marcel says, "That's a really thoughtful favor," and offers her a drink. She takes it as he tries his "you're a very bee-youtiful woman" line again. He needs some new material.

Angus sneaks about the retirement home of the damned, dodging bear traps and slipping past the razor wire. He sees a guard on duty in a watchtower, and ducks out of sight. Then he gets an idea, and tosses Peter Graves into the center of the compound. While the guards rush out to see who's violating curfew, Angus escapes with the rescued fighter pilot. Hold on. I got a little confused in there. Angus sets off a fire alarm. Yes. That's what happens. Honest. And then he hurries toward the door, but is unexpectedly sidetracked by a heart attack. He falls down. Whoops.

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Lilah finishes her drink while Marcel strikes an amazingly dorky pose on the edge of the desk. He's leaning back on his arms, so his shoulders are all squished up, and maybe he's thinking that if he leans back his head will look smaller because of the forced perspective. It's not helping any. Anyway, Lilah starts to leave, but he lifts a leg up to block her path, saying, "Oops." Lilah looks a bit nervous, and well she might. She asks what he wants, and Marcel strokes her hair and answers, "You. Don't tell me you never thought about it." He stands up and kisses her, and Lilah hesitates for a few seconds before diving in. Ack. She starts to tear his shirt off, and Kelly's quite entertained by the way I throw my hands up in front of my eyes and scream, "No! Don't take his shirt off!" Luckily, they settle for unbuttoning it before moving on to Lilah's clothes. They scuffle about, and gasp, and collapse on the desk, and of course that's when Fred strolls in, wearing a strappy red number that does nothing for her. She looks at the intertwined pair for a moment, then runs away. Marcel nuzzles Lilah's neck, then vamps out and sinks his teeth into her. Lilah squeals in the bad way as we go to commercial.

During the ads, Johanna calls, and speculates that things will be mighty awkward the time Lilah runs into Angel. I point out that they won't be awkward if Marcel kills her. Then I giggle a bit, because it'd be pretty funny if Lilah got killed and Angel never found out how it happened. He'd ask Gavin, all innocently, "Whatever happened to Lilah?" and Gavin would take it as a threat. It could lead to more wacky mix-ups! We love those! Er, so when the show starts up, Lilah manages to toss Marcel off of her. Presumably because Marcel is confused himself, because I don't believe she'd be strong enough to do that if he was really holding her down. She grabs her purse and sobs, "You son of a bitch!" Again with the language! Cool. Marcel apologetically explains, "It felt like the thing to do!" She pulls a cross out of her purse and holds it up, causing Marcel to ask if she's suddenly been born again. Ho hum. Lilah says, "I don't know what kind of sick game this is, Angel, but I hope you enjoyed it, because you're never getting this close to me again." Still holding the cross, she hurries out. Marcel tries to sort himself out, and reaches up to smooth his hair. Which reminds me that his hair is looking less ridiculous this episode. To the point that I went back to look at the pre-body-swapping scenes, wondering if it was supposed to be a little plot point, but it didn't look different. I'm not saying it looks normal, but it's not as randomly spiky as it used to be, and I think that's for the best. Just felt like I should give a nod to the marginally less goofy hair. Anyway, Marcel is about to smooth it even more, but stops when he realizes that his brow is even bumpier than usual. He feels his prosthetic and notes, "This is new." He experimentally feels his fangs and then yelps when he cuts his thumb. He sucks the wound, and notices that he enjoys the taste. Sadly, he doesn't keep wandering around with a thumb in his mouth like a big baby. Damn. Instead, he hurries to the bathroom and gazes at his lack of reflection.

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Angus is back in bed, hooked up to various medical instruments that I don't have to know about because I don't recap ER. Ryan enters and says, "That was your fourth heart attack, Marcus. I don't know if you can survive another one." Ryan advises him against attempting another daring escape from the compound. Prison. Retirement home. Whatever.

We flash over to the Hyperion, where Cordy is returning from her whore-capades. She declares that "if Julia Roberts ever makes a realistic movie about being an escort, it should be called Pretty Skanky Woman." She lost me when she put "Julia Roberts" and "realistic movie" in the same sentence. And Cordy? Look carefully at your wardrobe before you start throwing the word "skanky" around. When no one chuckles at her non-wit, she calls out for Angel and Fred. No one answers. Cordy hears sniffling, and finally tracks it down to the elevator. I forgot they had one. Cordy opens the elevator doors and finds Fred curled up on the floor, crying. Aw, poor, crazy, inexplicable-addition- to-the-cast Fred. And props to her for making odd squeaky, snorty noises when she cries, like a real human being. Cordy asks what's wrong, and Fred sniffs, "He called me 'sweetheart'! But it's just an expression, isn't it? Like when a waitress calls you 'honey,' it doesn't mean you're special or anything, it's just a word, right? Sweetheart?" Awww. Cordy confirms that this has something to do with Angel, and says, "He talked to you, didn't he? This is all my fault. I told him to do that." Poor, hurt Fred moans, "You told him to make out with that woman on the desk?" Cordy corrects herself: "No! What woman?"

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We cut to one of those clubs I hear the young people like these days, with their dancing and their music and their shiny lights and all. Marcel does a full Travolta mosey across the room. In leather pants. I guess the demon has control of his fashion sense. I start squealing to Kelly, "Oh, is he gonna dance? He's gonna dance! I don't know if I can deal with that!" Instead, he strolls up to the bar and scans the crowd. He spots a girl sitting at a table, talking to her date. And she's drinking a martini! Or drinking out of a martini glass, at least. Good enough. The girl notices Marcel looking at her and doesn't seem horrified. There's a moral about drinking here somewhere. Her date gets up and wanders away, and Marcel strolls up with a fresh drink for her. Cut to him sitting with her, feeling her knee under the table. Marcel and the girl exit the club. Back inside, her date returns with another guy, and stares at the deserted table. Am I the only one who thought it was odd that Marcus keeps hopping into men's bodies exclusively? Given his interests, you'd think he might have experimented with the female, uh, experience at least once. I'm not saying they should have had that happen during the episode, but there could have been a throwaway line about it somewhere.

Marcel and his new friend kiss outside on a patio-ish thing. She laughs that her boyfriend is probably looking for her: "He could catch us at any moment! Sorta makes it more exciting, doesn't it?" See, she's a tramp and deserves to die! Marcel vamps out and agrees about the exciting part. He bites down, she screams, and then the boyfriend and two other guys spot them. Marcel lets her go and de-vamps as the boyfriend asks what he's doing. The girl yells, "He bit me!" The boyfriend tries to punch Marcel, but Marcel catches his fist and then knocks the boyfriend back toward his pals. Marcel looks down at his own fist and exclaims, "Nice!" There's more fisticuffs, and he knocks out the two pals and taunts the boyfriend: "Is that all you got?" The frightened boyfriend asks, "What are you on?" Marcel decides to answer: "I'd say I'm high on life, only I ain't alive. Which means [that] I'm never gonna die. I'll be young, handsome, and strong forever!" He says there's just one thing he has to do first, and then leaps down over the patio railing to the street below. He runs away, laughing. He has to do a high-jump before he can live forever?

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At the Hyperion, Wesley groans, "I don't believe it. On my desk?" Gunn suggests that maybe Angel was just "reclaiming" the desk. Wesley asks, "How, by marking it?" Ewie. As Wesley notes that this isn't typical Angel behavior, we see that Cordy and Fred are also in the office. Cordy says it's totally like Angel to do "the mystery dance with some cheap blonde." Fred corrects Cordy, noting that the woman was a cheap brunette. Cordy changes her mind and tells Wesley, "You're right -- this isn't like him." Gunn wonders who the woman was, but Wesley says that the question is, "Who was he?" Cordy sadly agrees: "We're all thinking it. He's Angelus again." Gunn tells Fred who Angelus is, but I doubt his explanation cleared anything up for her. Oh well, it spared us some repetition, at least. But Wesley vetos the Angelus theory by holding up the books that were tossed about in the room and wondering, "Why would Angel -- or Angelus for that matter -- need to read about vampires?" So the short version is, Wesley figures out that they're after someone who's hopping bodies, and that Angel's the latest victim. He asks Cordy if anything unusual happened when she and Angel were at the gym. Cordy fills Wesley in on the retirement home. Well, that was easy to sort out. Once they finally noticed something was wrong.

Angus is off on another midnight campaign. The grandfather who helped him up earlier spots him and asks if he's trying to "bust loose again." Angus tells him, "I can't really explain this, but I need to get out of here. Just don't turn me in." The man tells him that he doesn't have to turn Angus in: "Your kid was signing in at reception when I came down." "My kid?" Angus wonders. He turns around in time to see Marcel chatting with Ryan. As Ryan wanders off to make sure nobody's playing mah-jongg after hours, Marcel turns and grins at Angus. "Hi, Dad!" he says. Not a good situation, but you gotta figure that Angus is happy to see that Marcel didn't decide to take his body out sunbathing or anything.

After thinking things over during the commercial break, Angus decides his best move is to slowly move away down the hall. Marcel takes his time in following. He turns down the empty hallway, walks forward, then stops to sniff the air. He backs up and heads into the game room. He walks in, turns the light on, and Angus wallops him with a shuffleboard stick. Marcel easily takes the stick away. Angus fills in the final blanks by noting that Marcel "finally found a body that won't burn out," but that to keep it, he'll have to kill his old body. Which is to say, Angus. Angus adds, "I don't think you really know what you're getting into." Marcel menaces, "You're the one who doesn't seem to know what you had! Far as I can tell, you were the world's worst vampire! Vampires don't help people, you moron!" Angus says that Marcel may have attitude and power, but there's one thing he doesn't have: "Friends." What a terrible line. And it goes on: "Four of them, standing behind you with big heavy things!" Isn't there some part of the Geneva Convention that makes it a crime to give old actors terrible dialogue like this? Sure enough, Fred, Cordy, Gunn, and Wesley have entered the room with various weapons. So, if I've got this right, there's all kinds of rules and security to keep people in the retirement home at all costs, but crowds of armed loons can wander in off the street for a late-night visit. Marcel tries to play "I found the bad guy!" but nobody's buying it. Gunn marches up to Marcel with the crossbow leveled, but Angus hurriedly interrupts, "Don't stake him!" Marcel shoves Gunn and Wesley against the wall, and then Cordy and Fred start clocking him with baseball bats. Hee. Cordy drops her bat and pulls out a taser, which she uses to zap Marcel as he rushes for Angus. Marcel collapses.

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Tasers affect vampires out now? As do tranquilizers, and happy pills? It makes you wonder if we really need a Slayer these days. Cordy and Wesley hurry over to Angus and ask if he's okay. Angus says, "I gotta pee." I've got no response to that, and neither do they. Wesley asks if Angus has noticed a "small Algurian conjuring orb, could have been glowing?" Angus did, in fact, spot just such an item in his room. Always with the orbs. They ought to ban those darn things; they're nothing but trouble. I wonder if Darla's going to give birth to a bouncing baby orb. Wesley identifies the body-switching spell, and tells the others to keep an eye on Marcel. Fred helpfully clubs Marcel with the bat once more. Angus whines, "Fred! He's out!" Fred smiles.

I miss the real blipverts. These are just shoddy imitations without freeze-frame fun. Marcel, still unconscious, is sitting in a chair with his hands tied with, like, a shoelace. Yeah, that'll hold him. Wesley hands some paper to Angus and tells him to read the incantation. Angus makes with the spell, and the pretty lights go zipping back to their correct bodies. Angel blearily looks around and says, "It's cool, Gunn, it's me." Presumably they saw the pretty colored lights and don't need his confirmation, because that "it's me," by itself wouldn't convince me. Gunn unties Angel as Cordy enters and hands over the orb. Marcus starts yelling that they can't take his orb, but Angel takes it in his hand and crushes it to dust. Marcus says that Angel doesn't deserve his body. Angel replies, "I was going to say the same thing to you. And I'll tell you why you have a weak heart, Marcus. You never use it." What hackneyed dialogue this episode has. Marcus continues ranting that they're all pathetic, but then gasps as his heart starts stuttering again. He moans in his chair as Angel and the MoG stride down the hall. Ryan and another orderly hurry down the hall as Angel explains, "Dad's having a bad night." It's funny when old people die! I mean, yeah, he was kinda evil and all, but still.

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Fred's out in the courtyard reading. In the dark. No wonder she needs glasses. Angel walks out and says howdy. Fred asks how his head is, and apologizes for clubbing him. Angel says, "I gather I had it coming." Fred agrees. He sits down to her and says he's been meaning to talk to her. Fred's her perky self at first, and then as Angel hesitates, her smile melts away. She asks, "Is this about how you're not like other men, what with that curse and all, and you're really fond of me but that's as far as it goes?" Angel barely whispers, "Um. Yeah." Aw. Fred says that Cordy explained it to her: "She said you'd probably just screw it up." Angel semi-belligerently replies, "Oh she did, did she?" After a second, he admits, "She's probably right." Fred looks down, and I'm all with the aw-ing until she says, "It's like something out of Fitzgerald. The man who can have everything but love." It is? No, I'm pretty sure it isn't. She realizes she might be depressing someone besides herself, and continues, "Maybe in some ways you're better off. Because love is...well, in a way it's everything. It's also heartache and disappointment, and those are good things to avoid." Sing it, sister. We hear footsteps approach, and Cordy hurries out to join them. She announces, "Willow's on the phone. She's alive! Buffy's alive!" Cordy hurries back inside. Angel turns to look at Fred for a second and then jumps up and heads into the hotel. Fred sits by herself and wonders, "Buffy?" I know what you mean, kiddo.

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Provenance

Original URL: http://www.televisionwithoutpity.com:80/show/angel/carpe_noctem.php
Captured: 2008-04-16
Page Type: recap (0%)
Wayback Machine: View original capture

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