Angel TV Show - There's No Place Like Plrtz Glrb - Angel Recaps, Angel Reviews, Angel Episodes | TWoP

Recapped by Strega · Aired 2001-05-22

Previously on Angel, Cordelia wore too much makeup and a bikini; Wesley was the boss in name only; George was killed; and Angel said, "God, I hate L.A." Then they all went to Pylea, where Cordy wore too much makeup and a bikini. The more things change....

Cordy sobs as she looks down at Cary's head on a platter. "I ordered it well done!" she sniffs. Okay, actually she says, "I don't like it here any more. I just wanna go home." Cary opens his red eyes and declares, "Oh, honey! I'm right there with you!" Cordy screams and falls into the credits.

Cordelia screams. And screams. And screams. Because a talking severed head is much more disturbing than anything she saw in Sunnydale or Los Angeles. Or Pylea, for that matter. Cary tries unsuccessfully to calm her down and finally resorts to snapping, "Shut up, woman!" While Cordy stammers and gasps, Cary explains that a member of his clan can only be killed if his body is mutilated after his head is severed. He suggests recovering his body before the Trombli get around to mutilating it, and is interrupted as some slaves enter to investigate Cordy's squeals, which they heard even over the "smooth jazz" radio station they play in the slaves' green room. Cordy says that her screams are part of a meditation ritual. The slaves prepare to remove Cary's head, but Cordy says she wants to keep it around: "I'll just keep it to spit upon, and when I grow tired of that, I will make it a planter. A traitor planter, for all to see! Or maybe a candy dish." She dismisses the slaves. After waiting for some further wackiness to trudge through the room, Cary tells Cordy, "Just put me in a bag and take me to the mutilation chamber." You have no idea how often I've said that very same thing. Often while watching this show, in fact. Cordy doesn't know where the mutilation chamber is, and Cary takes that well, saying, "I'll just sit here and die, then...Find someone who knows!"

Cut to the Tromblibrary, where Enik is questioning the slaves about Cordy's behavior. They admit that she seems a tad upset. Enik says he'll give Cordy more heads to look at, and sends soldiers to track down Wesley and Gunn. The conversation turns to Angel, and another priest says that Angel is a "van-tal -- a drinker of blood." They instruct a teal demon on the ways to kill vampires, and send him after Angel. The teal demon promises to bury his stake in Angel's rump, so Enik has to explain that "his heart is where a cow's is." Duh. His brain is already taking up all the room in his ass. The teal demon leaves, and Enik says that by rescuing Fred, Angel "brings hope to the cows, for if one can be free, hope arises that all can be free." Angel's a regular Harriet Tubby-Man. The "cow" thing is making me giggle at all the wrong times. If vampires are "van-tals," why not make up a new name for people instead of calling them "cows"? It's disconcerting and didn't even lead to any jokes about rustling, so what's the point? Although now I'm wondering whether they refer to actual cattle as "doggies." Enik turns to question the loyalty of the slave who's been waiting behind him. Enik complains about the rebels, and unauthorized Infinite Improbability Devices...I mean, "portals." He also pointedly mentions that one of his trusted slaves has turned out to be a spy for the rebels. The slave denies this, but Enik turns around and points one of the guns from Space: 1999 at him. My brother used to have a water gun shaped like that. It was cool. There's an electronic whine and the slave's head explodes. Ooo, my brother's water gun didn't do that! I guess Fred lied about the imploding effect of the collars. Pity; implosions are tidier. Enik puts new batteries in his water gun and mutters, "And if one of thy slaves offend thee, thou shalt smite him down. And if all thy slaves offend thee, thou shalt smite them down, too." Well, all the ones wearing collars. He waves his hand over a device that we can safely assume is designed to cause mass cranial trauma.

By Strega

Wesley and Gunn are in stocks, listening as Robin orders their execution for collaborating with the enemy. Wesley asks Gunn to forgive him, and Gunn says he has a plan: "We die horribly and painfully, you go to hell, and I spend eternity in the arms of baby Jesus." That was a long way to go when a simple "sit on it!" would have sufficed, but I agree with the sentiment. I'm just wondering about the stocks. I mean, if you're going to chop off someone's head, do you want his neck covered with planks of wood? The rebels should know better, living in a culture that seems a tad obsessed with head injuries. Did Garth Ennis co-write this? As Will Scarlet gives the head-hacking order, an arrow suddenly appears in the executioner's tummy. Trombli soldiers to the rescue! Er, yay? They rush up shouting, "Death to the other-worlders!" and a fight ensues. Gunn and Wesley stand up, with their arms bound and the stocks still fastened around their necks. They're both gonna need chiropractors. Naturally, they knock people over as they look around to see the action. Sometimes it might even be intentional. Hard to say. Harder to care.

By Strega

Angel wakes up in the cave, having finally recovered from his twitch-fest. Fred enters and starts jabbering about how she found some berries to put in the oatmeal, which isn't really oatmeal, but she likes to call it that. Angel stumbles over to the pool to check out his reflection, and Fred mentions that he spent the night "caterwauling." He might not have nightmares if he'd stop looking at his hair. Angel apologizes; Fred says she understands. She insists that he'll get better, and gives him a bowl of oatmeal. She's kinda acting like he's a big dog she's adopted. Maybe she can teach him to sit up and roll over. He's already demonstrated his ability to play dead. Angel disagrees, and says, "Back in L.A. it's bad, but here it's..." Fred backs away and says, "Maybe you got [sic] a beast in you, but I know what it is to be squirrelly and a freak with no one to..." No one to finish your sentences? Yeah, I know what that's like, too. Fred asks whether the pseudo-oatmeal is okay, and suddenly blurts, "Tacos!" Which makes me want to shout, "Shuttlecocks!" but that's a long, sad story. Fred asks whether they still have tacos back on earth, and Angel cheerfully says that they do. Luckily, she doesn't inquire about McRibs. Fred wins my heart by saying, "I've been trying to make an enchilada out of tree bark." Angel asks how that's working out, and Fred wrinkles her nose and admits, "There's work to be done." During an earlier episode, when Fred started jabbering inanely, Johanna told me, "Now you've got your very own Willow." I'm sticking to what I said about Drusilla, which is that flaky female characters who talk nonsense are acceptable if they're actually meant to be crazy, and not just adorably quirky. I admit that Fred's right on the line there, but I'm trying to give her the benefit of the doubt.

A female slave enters the throne room and asks Cordelia what she needs. Cordy tells the girl to stop kneeling and says, "You have served me long and loyally these last...two and a half...days. I'm very fond of you, Lamara." The slave says that her name is actually Marelda, and then apologizes for correcting Cordy, saying, "You must cut the tongue from my worthless skull!" Cordy disagrees, and asks why the Pyleans are so keen on mutilating each other. Marelda nervously admits, "We don't have a lot of entertainment." Heh. Cordy asks Marelda to take her to the mutilation chamber, and Marelda freaks, insisting that it would shame the kingdom if Cordy were seen in such a place. Cordy thinks about that and orders Marelda to undress. On the table, Cary's head, which has been playing decapitated-possum, suddenly opens its eyes.

By Strega

Angel is standing in a ray of sunlight, explaining to Fred that he can't do this kind of thing back home. He should be making shadow puppets. Okay, so he could do that back home with a lamp, but it still would have been funny. Fred observes that Angel is better off in Pylea, then, but Angel admits that the ability to get a tan is offset a bit by his tendency to attack his friends. He wanders around and starts looking at the words Fred has scrawled on the cave walls. Angel recognizes some of them as the words they used to reverse polarity...I mean, "open the portal." Fred says, "They're not words. They're consonant representations of a mathematical transfiguration formula." Angel dopily looks at Fred and plays along by saying, "Well, obviously." Fred says she tried to remember the words to get back home, but gave up when nothing worked. Angel tells her that "a Drokken and one of those green warriors got to L.A. from here. Someone had to open portals for them on this end." Great, now my head's gonna explode. Dear Angel, Cordelia opened the portal that got Landok to L.A. You were there when it happened, you great buffoon! No love, Strega. The conversation is interrupted when a soldier suddenly attacks Fred. As Angel pulls the guy away, two more rush in to join the fray. Hey, I just wrote a couplet! The teal demon rushes in as well, and there's, y'know, fighting. Angel's eyes flash red, and he whimpers, "Can't change, won't change. I'm a good little girl." Maybe not that last bit. The demon runs his spear into Angel's shoulder twice before Fred bonks him on the head with a rock. Angel bleeds quietly as Fred begs him not to die. Aw, poor Fred and her pet doggie. Cow. Van-tal. Whatever.

The attack on the rebels is over, but Robin Hood is dead. Hooray, Will Scarlet's in charge now! He was cooler anyway. Especially when compared to Jason Connery. Whoops, wrong show. Scarlet goes up to Wesley and Gunn and asks why the soldiers were after them. Wesley says that the soldiers know that he and Gunn want to rescue the princess before she has to mate with the Groosalugg. Another rebel says that the mating will "fulfill their prophecies and consolidate their power." Scarlet decides that Wesley and Gunn are okay, and orders their release. He tells the rebels, "Though their hands were tied and their necks were bared, they fought with us." Their necks weren't bared; they were in stocks! Scarlet apologizes for almost killing them. Wesley says, "You were just doing your job," and Gunn shoots him an extremely dubious look. As Wesley and Gunn stroll away, Scarlet orders "five cheers for the otherworlders!" As they chant, "Brave warriors!" Wesley comments, "Oooh, in this world you get five!" Gunn confirms that they should find Angel, despite the fact that he attacked them earlier. Wesley asks for suggestions. Gunn stops and looks back at the rebels, and points out that they've "got a cause worth fighting for." Wesley brings up Cordy's predicament, and Gunn notes that the rebels could help them rescue her. Gunn goes on to say that the rebels are no match for the Trombli, although I'm not clear on when exactly he picked up any knowledge of the Trombli's abilities. Gunn concludes, "I don't want to leave 'em to get themselves killed. I do that enough." Yeah, it'll be better if Wesley helps them get killed.

By Strega

Angel wakes up to find Fred dabbing at his wounds. Angel is spending a lot of his time in Pylea napping. Fred points out that Angel was able to fight without turning into a demon, and nicely omits the fact that he had to be rescued by a ninety-pound girl. Angel says he was afraid that if he changed, he wouldn't be able to change back. Fred says, "You're not a beast." The teal demon, tied up in a corner, laughs menacingly and says, "We'll write that on your bones once he tears you to pieces." Fred perkily tells Angel, "I'll just roll him over the cliff into the Drokken gully like I did the others." I like Fred's cheerful attitude toward slaughter. Angel pulls up the teal demon and asks for information about Cordelia. The demon asks, "The filthy cow-bitch that brought you into our world?" Oops. Angel tells him, "Call her that again, I'll remove your face. Slowly." I don't know why, but I was underwhelmed by that threat. Although Angel has picked up the head-injury theme. Anyway, the demon says that after Cordy mates with Groosy, she'll be executed just like "that traitor, Krevlornswath" was. Angel confirms that Cary is dead, and shoves the demon away. He tells Fred that he has to go: "My friends are in trouble; one of them is already dead." Fred tries to convince Angel not to go, and Angel apologizes. Behind them, the demon pulls a knife out and begins sawing at his bonds. Fred takes aim at Angel's insecurities, which is a lot like shooting at the side of a barn, telling him, "But the beast, I know you don't want them to see you that way. I'm not afraid of it like everyone else." The demon suddenly attacks; Angel shoves Fred out of the way and stabs the demon with his own knife. He hurries over to Fred, whose arm has been sliced.

By Strega

Cordy, dressed in Marelda's clothes, enters a dark cell containing a pile of body parts. She looks around, spots the limbs, and drops the bucket she's carrying in surprise. Cary, from the bucket, ouches. Cordy picks Cary up by his hair and gives him a view of the carnage. Cary begins moaning as he spots a familiar red suit in the pile. Cordy says that looks like Cary's suit, and he snaps, "It is my suit; you think they have French Viscose in this hellhole?" He moans, "I'm looking at pieces of myself; it's over." Then he looks more closely at a severed leg, and asks, "Wait a second -- since when do I have five toes?" This episode did get some extra points for funny lines. It also lost a bunch for character development, of course. Cordy hears someone approaching, and hides in an corner as she whispers to Cary, "Do you mind if I hit him over the head with you?" Cary insists that he would. The mysterious figure enters, and turns out to be Groosy. Cary calls him "Groo," and there is some speculation that this is a shout-out to a Sergio Aragones comic that I never knew existed. So I have no opinion on the matter, but you can debate it at your cocktail party. Groosy tells Cordy that he did a terrible thing: he stole Cary's body and put his suit on a different corpse to fool the Trombli. Cordy throws her arms around Groosy in a big hug, and Cary's head slams into Groosy's ass. A robotic Cary-head moves its mouth at random as Cary says, "Feels like somebody works out." Zaphod Beeblebrox's second head was more convincing. I feel bad that the FX folks had to make a robotic head for that one shot, when they clearly don't have any money. Honest, I wouldn't have minded if they'd given up and spent the money on pretzels instead. Cary asks where his body is, and Groosy says that it's at the Krevlornswath homestead. Groosy says, "Your cousin Landok is to meet us at the Eastern Watchtower. He will transport you home." Cordy embraces Groosy again, this time managing to bonk Cary's head into a wall in the process.

By Strega

Scarlet is arguing strategy with the other rebels as Wesley and Gunn return. Wesley advises, "You cannot wage a frontal attack against a stronger opponent. This kind of battle can only be won through guerilla warfare." The rebels look confused until Wesley clarifies, "By being sneaky." Scarlet likes the idea, and says that Wesley should lead them into battle. Wesley demurs, but Scarlet hands him a sword (still bloody -- these rebels don't know how to care for their weapons) and the rebels begin chanting, "Hail to our new leader!" Wesley asks Gunn, "Why do people keep putting me in charge of things?" Poor Gunn replies, "I have no idea." Me neither. Is it the shoes? Maybe it's the shoes.

Angel finishes bandaging Fred's arm and reluctantly says it's time for him to go. Fred looks up at him with her giant eyes and says, "I know. You're a good man." Angel heads for the exit, and Fred sits down in a corner and listens to the flute of loneliness for a minute. Then Angel clambers back inside and tells her, "I don't actually know how to get there." Fred stands up and cheerfully says, "Oh! I can show you." And off they go. Heh. Problem solved.

In the throne room, Cordy has changed back into her swimsuit, but still bears no resemblance to Annette Funicello. Groosy tells her that he will "spend eternity burning in Tarkna" for disobeying the Trombli. Cordy pshaws, "Oh, who believes in literal Tarkna nowadays?" Cordy explains to Groosy that the Trombli are evil, but Groosy's not the type to question authority. I doubt that Groosy is the type to question anything, actually. He'd probably work for a mysterious government operation for years without ever noticing that his boss is creating a horrible monster that will destroy the writers' ability to learn from their mistakes. Just as a hypothetical example. Cordy tells Groosy that he's a hero, and Groosy says he's "unworthy of lifting [Cordy's] burden." After some bootyesque confusion about the wedding night, Groosy explains that, after they boink, Groosy will become the lucky bearer of Cordy's visions. Cordy inexplicably complains, "You can't take my visions! I need them -- they are the lame pretext by which we get the episodes started!" Or something like that. Groosy says that he'll use the visions to battle the forces of evil, but Cordy continues to insist that she needs them more, and that she likes them, despite the pain they cause, and not only am I skeptical about Cordelia's newfound love for the visions, but I think they're a really annoying contrivance that would be better done away with, because they lead to more questions than they answer. The Found Boys could generate stories, and goodness knows it would be nice for Gunn to have a reason to show up at the studio. Angel and Wesley and Cary all seem to have demon connections. So why keep the inexplicably mysterious visions from the Powers That Be, who, for all their magical powers, still use a system of communication that is only marginally more efficient than smoke signals? Just to prove the point, Cordy's whiny insistence on keeping her visions is interrupted by a vision of Groosy battling with Angel in full vampire-mode. Cordy doesn't recognize Angel, of course, and so she's terribly worried that some mysterious monster will, at some point in the future, attack her new hero. Does this vision have any effect on the plot, or on anyone's behavior in the rest of the episode? Well, Cordy worries about Groosy. Which she might have done anyway, if that matters at all. See what I mean?

By Strega

Wesley is asking Will Scarlet for information about the Groosalugg. Scarlet says that if Groosy is challenged to a fight, he cannot refuse. Wesley says that they'll issue a challenge to lure Groosy out of the way, and then points to a drawing of the castle to indicate where the rebels should attack. Gunn says, "I wouldn't split my crew up that much if I was leading this charge." Wesley tells Gunn, "I'm leading this charge," and turns back to the rebels, because, after all, Gunn only has practical experience leading large groups into focused attacks, while Wesley has...Wesley...um...Wesley's read a lot of books. I guess we're meant to be impressed that Wesley has had a sudden surge of confidence, but since it seems to be misplaced confidence, I'm not sure it's a good thing. Unless it gets him killed, but I suppose that's too much to hope for. Scarlet tells Wesley about the Trombli slave-exploding device. Wesley says that Enik will zap the slaves if he thinks that the Trombli will lose the fight, so they'll have to hurry straight for what I've decided to call "the boom box." Scarlet says, "The castle is well guarded," like that's a news flash, because if it wasn't would they be spending all this time coordinating an attack on it? No wonder these people are being kept as slaves. Oh, that was just setting up Angel's entrance, since he chimes in, "Unlike this place," as he and Fred stroll up. The rebels are concerned that people were able to get through their sentries, and Gunn explains, "He's Angel; he does that." Gunn asks how the girl got through, and Angel introduces her: "She's Fred; she does that, too." Scarlet sends out more sentries, and Wesley identifies Fred as the girl from Cordy's vision. Introductions are made, and Gunn tells Angel that the rebels "made Wes their general." Maybe he's saying this enthusiastically, but I like to think he mentions it to convey to Angel, subtly, that the rebels are a pack of morons. Wesley offers to step aside and put Angel in charge, but Angel says he can't because of his demonitude. He apologizes for attacking Gunn, and Gunn dismisses the incident by saying, "It's kind of a crazy place here." Remember how some interesting possibilities for angst seemed to be set up last week? Notice how they've all vanished? As bitter about that as I am? Just checking. Angel says that Fred might be able to help get them home, and Fred starts babbling about "the trionic speechcraft formulation modification" and so on. Angel starts to tell Gunn and Wesley that he has bad news about Cary, and that's when two rebels return with Landok, who they've cleverly captured by wrapping his hands around their necks. Heh. Landok greets Angel, and says that he won't battle Angel for rescuing Fred because "it is forbidden to fight while performing a sacred duty. I was transporting my kinsman home when these fools tried to stop me." Angel tells the others about Cary's decapitation, and Landok opens the basket he's carrying to show them the head. Everyone looks in and says insightful things like, "He was..." and "Mmm." Cary opens his eyes and sniffs, "That's it? Where's the praising and extolling of my virtues? Where's the love?" Everyone recoils in shock, except Fred, who continues to look curiously into the basket. Heh. A shot of Fred from inside the basket fades into a shot of the full moon, which makes Johanna and I say, "Oooh." Not that it was particularly amazing, but we were a bit bored, frankly.

By Strega

So, it's nighttime. We cut from the moon to the mooncalf...sorry, mooncow? Oh, it's just Wesley sitting by a fire. Gunn steps up and declares, "I'm only gonna say this once. The guys you send to create those diversions are gonna die." Wesley quietly agrees, and tells Gunn, "You try not to get anybody killed, you wind up getting everybody killed." Some must be sacrificed if all are to be saved, yeah, I know. Except isn't Wesley in this just to save Cordelia? So it's more like, some must be sacrificed if a supporting character is to be saved. Wesley tells the rebels that it's time to get going, and Angel asks Wesley for instructions. The dumb leading the dumber -- that's what we've got here. Wesley tells Angel to challenge the Groosalugg to a fight, and kill him. Angel looks nervous, and says that he won't be able to defeat Groosy without vamping out. Wesley knows. Angel stammers, "When I fired you guys, the reason I....The darkness was coming out in me, I didn't want you near it. The thing that comes out here is ten times worse. Wes, I do this, you know I won't come back from it." Must we invalidate everything that made the middle of this season so good? The darkness was "coming out" of Angel? It wasn't a choice, it wasn't a deliberate reaction, and it wasn't a decision that was, at least arguably, justified? Now it was just the demon side making him be icky, and he fired the MoG to put them out of danger, and not because they were going to interfere in what he felt was necessary. I'm going to do my level best to believe that Angel is telling them what he thinks they want to hear, but it's hard to do that since there's no reason for him to mention it unless he thinks that's what happened. This is the sort of thing that brings the darkness out of me, y'know. If the writers ever gather together in a wine cellar, there's gonna be trouble, is all I'm saying. Growl. Fine, whatever, Wesley tells Angel that he'll be fine, blah blah "you're a man with a demon inside, not the other way around," as if that's somehow encouraging, blah blah "do what needs to be done," blah blah revisionist-cakes. Fred offers to go along and show Angel how to prepare the "challenge torch," and off they go. Gunn turns back to Wesley and asks, "You really think he'll come back?" Wesley replies, "I need him to think it," and snots off. Gunn looks after Wesley as Johanna exclaims, "Wesley's a cold bastard!" and I scream, "Punch him in the face!" Although I tend to do that whenever Gunn and Wesley have a scene together.

By Strega

Groosy is tending to Cordy, who's recovering from her vision. Cordy advises him not to fight "a big, ugly, pointy demon with green skin." Doesn't that describe half of the Pylean population? Enik marches in and says, "I see we are progressing towards mating. Let's get on with it." Cordy asks what happened to the wedding, but Enik is feeling impatient. He starts toward Cordy, but then a guard enters and says that there's something going on in the village. Enik is led to a window with a nice view of the square. Angel walks into town carrying a three-pronged torch, stands on the platform, and challenges Groosy to mortal combat. Mor-tal Kom-bat! [Insert techno beat here.] Sorry, I have a Pavlovian reaction to that phrase. Fred cowers by a building. Back inside, Enik tells Groosy that he's been challenged to a fight. Cordy blathers about her vision, but Enik leads Groosy out and locks Cordy in the throne room. Enik pauses by the window and tells Groosy, "If this filth should win, he will ravage and he will defile [Cordelia]. He will use her for his pleasure, again and again, and when she has no more screaming in her, he will kill her." Thoroughly enraged by this chumming of the waters, Groosy rushes out to the battle. Cordy doesn't know what's going on because the throne room has no windows. You'd think the rulers in Pylea would want windows somewhere. Or maybe a balcony, from which they could spit on the whores.

By Strega

By the castle doors, rebels lurk in the bushes while people in the village shout the news about the coming battle. Don King starts pasting up posters advertising "The Pillage in the Village." Wesley reconnoiters and sends rebels off to certain death. Guards in the distance begin shouting about attacks at several locations, and several of the guards by the doors run off to help. Uh, maybe you should put the guards inside the doors, so that you could pick invaders off one by one if they managed to get inside? Because, not that I'm an expert here, but isn't the point of a castle that it's kind of a fortress designed to withstand attacks and sieges? If Wesley wins this battle, it's only because the Trombli are every bit as stupid as the rebels. Oh, so anyway, the rebels with Wesley finally charge the doors shouting "Death to the state!" "State"? It's one town and a castle. Maybe the rebels don't know that. It'll probably turn out that there's a delightful human-run village just on the other side of the hill. Wesley and Gunn rush in, and Wesley helps to batter down a door while Gunn tosses a rope over a wall and starts climbing.

Groosy arrives in the square and marches up to the torch. He puts his hand into the fire while I have Survivor flashbacks. Having proved...well, something, Groosy advances on Angel. They fight. Groosy is armed with a battle-axe and a sword, which doesn't seem very heroic given that Angel's empty-handed. Swing, kick, attempted bucket-fu, and the reappearance of the staggered footage. Thanks, I was missing that. Angel's punted through a stand of some kind, and Fred rushes up to him. Fred tells Angel that he can't hold back, and Angel says, "Not holding back. Holding on." Remember the witty dialogue we had earlier? Where'd it go?

By Strega

Enik hurries down a hallway as another Trombli announces that rebels have entered the castle. Around the corner, Wesley, Gunn, and Scarlet race up. Wesley recognizes Enik despite the fact that he can't see Enik, and Enik hasn't said a word. Wesley has superpowers, y'all. They round the corner and run into some guards. Sword-fu. The shots last about a second each, so while there may be some decent fencing going on, it's impossible to tell. Which makes me suspect that the action scene would suck if we could see it. Wouldn't it be easier just to hide the action completely by filling the screen with a message that says: "We didn't have the time or money for an effectively choreographed battle scene, but we heartily recommend watching the climactic fight between Errol Flynn and Basil Rathbone in The Adventures of Robin Hood. Or Captain Blood, which also has pirates." The guards are vanquished, incidentally.

In the Tromblibrary, Cordelia has put on a red cloak and is pacing nervously. Enik and another Trombli enter, and Cordy rushes up to beg them to stop Groosy from fighting. Enik hauls off and smacks her in the face. Hey! Do that to Wesley, not Cordy! Enik grabs Cordy by her throat while bitching that she's destroying their way of life. He says he'll kill all the slaves, and reveals the boom box before shoving Cordy across the room.

Meanwhile, Groosy and Angel fight. Groosy keeps pulling out more weapons faster than Angel can take them away, and finally tosses some kind of whippy thing that lashes Angel's wrist to a building's frame. Groosy yells, "You would defile her! You animal!" and clubs Angel for a while. Angel finally gives up and Hulks...er, "vamps" out. Groosy goes to swat him again, but Angel shoves him across the square. He rips free of the building and launches himself at Groosy.

Cordy huddles in a corner as Enik puts his hand over the boom box controls. Wesley, Scarlet, and Gunn hurry into the Tromblibrary. Wesley tells Enik, "You don't have to do this." Enik disagrees, but makes the same mistake all evil overlords make: he decides that now is the time to make his triumphant speech about how all their base are belong to him. So he gets as far as saying, "You and your filthy cow princess can go to --" before Cordelia lops his head off with a sword, crying, "Avaunt, Mordred!" Okay, actually she just says something dumb, so I'm skipping it. Cordy asks if the Trombli stay dead when they lose their heads, and Scarlet says that they do. Cordy puts the sword down and says that they have to rescue Groosy from a terrible beast. And she won't want a weapon for that. Wesley tells her that Groosy is actually fighting Angel.

By Strega

More fighting, more snarling, more of that Pylean stuttering imagery. Angel gets one of his green hands on Groosy's head, and it looks like he might be trying to smoosh Groosy's skull when he suddenly backs off. I suspect that Angel's demonic side was thinking, "Kill! Fight! Blood!...Oooh, such soft hair. I must find out what kind of shampoo he uses." Angel de-vamps, gets off Groosy and says, "We're not going to do this. We're gonna find another way." He backs away and insists, "I'm not an animal." I've ranted about so many other annoying things already, I just can't be bothered with that line. Groosy punches Angel in the face just as Cordy races in, shouting for them to stop. Angel reels and complains, "What part of me being all noble here didn't get through?" Cordy rushes between Groosy and Angel and begins declaring, "Don't hurt him, stop! I love him!" Angel asks, "You love me?" and Cordy says, "Not you, dumb-ass!" Angel mutters some more about platonic love, but since Cordy said "I love you" to Angel very recently, I'm not sure why he's still begging for more reassurance. Well, because he's Angel, I suppose. And while I'm at it, I know Cordy's had some troubled relationships, but would she really fall in love with Groosy? The scene goes on for a while, but I'll spare us all. Cordy tells the soldiers to put down their weapons, and that the Trombli are defeated, and so on and so forth.

At the Krevlornswath farm, Cary reveals his re-capitated self. Angel has also picked up his jacket, thank goodness. Cary heads for the door, but Angel asks, "Isn't there something you want to say to your mother?" After some encouragement, Cary turns and tells Mom, "Thanks for storing my body on the lice pile instead of the maggot heap." He scratches himself while Mom sniffles, "I thought you were lost to us forever. But you came back. You came back, the runt of my loins, came back after raining such misery on our lives and managed to shame us even further!" Mom goes on ranting as Angel pulls Cary out of the house. As the door closes behind them, they hear Mom shout, "Numfar, do the dance of shame!" Cary tells Angel something very confusing: "I had to come back here to find out [that] I didn't have to come back here. I don't belong here. I hate it here." As they walk down the road, Cary says that he feels a song coming on. Angel chirps, "I thought you might." Cary belts out, "Somewheeeeere over the rainbow..." while a couple of nearby Pyleans fall to the ground in agony.

By Strega

In the throne room, Cordy tells a surviving Trombli that she has two visions, and one of them involves the Trombli keeping his head. Deeply moved, the Trombli is eager to help inscribe her latest proclamation. Cordy outlaws slavery and religious persecution. Did we see any religious persecution? What made her tack that on? For dramatic emphasis, Cordy smashes the axe she's holding through the boom box. Good grief, they left that thing around while there were other Trombli? Was Enik the only one who knew how to operate it or something? Let's see five buttons, spread to match an open hand...yeah, I could see how the Trombli might need a user's manual. Wesley, Gunn, and Fred suddenly burst in carrying the wolf, ram, and hart books. Fred has traded in her raggedy brown slave garments for tidy white slave garments. Fred says, "I was opening portals but I couldn't tell where -- you need the priests' formulas to control that on this side." Um. Okay. I'd rather they solve the jumpgate...I mean, "portal" problem with something from the "with one mighty leap, he escaped from the pit" school than get any closer to a slingshot maneuver around the twin suns, so fine. Fred's been opening portals all along, and that's how the Drokken turned up in the first place. Swell, good, is it over yet? Gunn says, "All we have to do is take these books to Angel's car and let her say the words." The Trombli starts to complain about taking sacred books, but at a look from Cordy he encourages them to take souvenirs. Cordy turns to Groosy and wishes him luck, saying, "Slavery's over, but reconstruction's just begun." Groosy is unfamiliar with the turn, so Gunn sums it up by saying, "You're lookin' at social confusion, economic depression, and probably some riots. Good luck." Heh. But still: poor Gunn. Cordy tells Groosy that she'll miss him, and miss being a princess, but she has work to do, and I guess she wasn't all that much in love with him. They have a goodbye kiss, which is worth mentioning because, while Gunn and Wesley look away, Fred drinks it up like a fourteen-year-old watching Titanic, and that's kinda cute. As Cordy strides out with the rest of the MoG, the Pyleans bow and murmur, "Your Majesty." Wesley asks, "Should people be kneeling in a free society?" Cordy observes, "These things take time." Hey, she deserves it, just for getting through this story. Of course, so do I.

By Strega

At Caritas, a wind starts blowing, reality swirls, and the Angelmobile crashes off the stage and into the room, plowing right into the bar. Cary says he's been thinking of remodeling anyway, and it sounds like somebody's getting a new set season. Everyone hops out of the car, and I've never been so grateful to see a good old-fashioned blipvert.

The gang step into the Hyperion's courtyard. I didn't know that it had a gate. I'm not sure I knew that it had a courtyard. At least, not one that looked so very much like the one Angel used to have outside his mysterious mansion in Sunnydale. Anyone want to venture a guess as to how they got the Angelmobile out of Caritas, by the way? Or will it stay there, and Cary will incorporate the car into his remodeling so that it ends up looking more like Jackrabbit Slim's? He does already have a certain Tarantino vibe happening. As they reach the main doors into the lobby, Angel rushes up and says, "Can I say it? I wanna say it!" He opens the doors and steps inside as he says, "There's no place like --" Angel stops short as he spots Willow sitting on a couch. So she's the one who's been telepathically interrupting all of their lines! And hey, didn't they even lock the doors while they were gone? Cordy looks puzzled and asks, "What's..." What's stopping everyone from completing their sentences? I don't know. Willow stands up and oozes sadness at them, until Angel blinks and says, "It's Buffy." Buffy's interrupting their dialogue? Oh, wait, he means that other thing Buffy did. Across town, Cary starts humming a cheerful ditty the munchkins sang, once upon a time.

season, Angel will undoubtedly have yet another blonde ex coming back from the dead to torment us all. In the meantime, I'm gonna watch "Reunion" and "Reprise" and think about what might have been.