The girls head home after panel to find bags containing Warriors in Pink clothing to benefit Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure, which is also sponsored by Ford. They each choose a Warriors in Pink-adjacent symbol and have to style their hair, makeup and set for a photo challenge shot by Nigel Barker. Jaclyn is a warrior, replete with boxing gloves, Kasia is a heart, Mikaela is war paint, and Molly is angel wings. Hannah is a spiral and basically shoots the box cover for a Get in Shape Girl accessory. Brittani is a dove with a bonsai tree and admits to not being a thinker while posing, which is her first bad call of the day. Alexandria is a tree of love, and for some reason dresses herself like a Von Trapp. Despite this fact, and to the great chagrin of all of the other girls, Alexandria wins the challenge. Not only does she get to pose for a Ford Warriors in Pink print ad (and commercial, which we see along with a Ford Focus commercial in which Nigel HAS HAIR!! HORRORS!), but Nigel introduces her co-star -- a new 2012 Ford Focus that she also gets to keep. The other girls are rip shit about it, as you can imagine.
Backstage, Brittani talks copious shit about Alexandria and says that Nigel picked the ugliest person there to win the challenge. Alexandria is like, "Um, I can hear you," and Brittani gets super-trailer-park on her as a fascinated Nigel watches. This is not good. Alexandria manages to more or less maintain her cool, while Brittani does not. Back at home, the girls debate whether to give Alexandria shit or the silent treatment, and opt for the latter. An isolated Alexandria is at first sad, but then calls herself an alpha lioness and loses any viewer sympathy she's managed to garner over the past 20 minutes.
For the week's photo shoot, the girls are crazy for fashion at Universal Studios, with the Bates Motel in the background of their shots. They're each crazy for a specific element of fashion, and are styled by Gossip Girl stylist Eric Daman, who is also their guest judge. Molly is crazy for accessories, and while she starts off awkwardly she manages to work it out. Hannah is crazy for handbags, and while Jay thinks it's a hot mess the judges like her picture well enough. Kasia is crazy for hair and looks totally deranged, while Alexandria is kind of dull as she is crazy for faux fur. What is NOT dull, however, is when Nigel calls crazy-for-shoes Brittani out at panel for her behavior on the Warriors in Pink set. Brittani says that she thinks Nigel made the wrong choice in the challenge, because Alexandria is not a role model but a nit. Nigel doesn't care what happens in their house, and says that having a shit fit in front of a client only serves to make you look bad. He does have a point. Brittani breaks down as Tyra tells her that to be a role model, or a working model, you need to know when to shut your trap. Brittani fans herself, runs off, and has a panic attack backstage. It's the most dramatic thing to happen at panel since we learned about vagus nerves and Tyra's "I have never in my life yelled at a girl like this" freakout.
Jaclyn's Baby Jane-esque crazy for makeup photo is deemed the best of the week, and it's Brittani and the constantly lackluster Mikaela who land in the bottom two. Tyra gives a lecture about how she actually can be outvoted, and was this week when the other judges outnumbered her and decided to keep Brittani. So Mikaela goes home, and Brittani gets a theoretical chance at redemption, though Tyra tells her that she'll be smizing uphill.
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Previously on ANTM: The girls had a challenge meet and greet with fans, and Alexandria gave a peck on the cheek to a creepy dude that Monique had sent her way. Miss J. did not approve of the kiss, because that's how stalkers are born. The girls got slathered in mud and posed for blonde and brunette group shots. Though Alexandria reverted to some of her controlling ways on set, it was mediocre Monique who was sent home. Seven bitches remain!
In the limo on the way home, some of the girls congratulate Brittani on her first ever best-of-week photo. She's quite happy to move up from the ranks of runner-up. However, she was also shocked that Alexandria wasn't in the bottom two. There are no words, Brittani says, for how much she dislikes this girl. Unfortunately for both of them, there actually are adequate words and Brittani will opt to use them at exactly the wrong time. Brittani adds that Alexandria is completely rude and disrespectful, and it's only a matter of time before panel sees her true colors shining through. The problem is that they've already seen those colors, in bright neon, and are totally keeping her around just for the fun of it.
Mikaela says that she was not expecting to be in the bottom two with Monique. Interesting, because I think the rest of us have been expecting it for some time. Mikaela is tired of doing her best and then showing up to panel and seeing a crunk photo displayed. You do have to wonder sometimes about the photo selection process. Mikaela interviews that she's pissed off. She's been modeling since she was fifteen years old, and thus has had a lot more experience than many of the girls. You'd think if that was the case that she'd know how to keep her eyes open on camera once in a while.
The girls return home and admire Brittani's photo as digital art for ten seconds before noticing a big stack of red bags waiting for them. Each bag has a symbol on it, and inside are several items of clothing from Warriors in Pink, powered by Ford. Molly explains that proceeds from Warriors in Pink clothing go to the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure for breast cancer awareness. Brittani says that she has two close friends who have fought breast cancer. She's excited to be doing something for a cause.
Feelings of goodwill, however, do not last long in the model abode. Molly and Brittani have a snack, and Molly says that she doesn't even want to go in the room and have to look at Alexandria's face. She tells us that Alexandria is definitely on her list of most annoying bitches ever. We get a montage of Alexandria being annoying while instructing others in runway technique, talking about raw chicken, freaking out about her lip zit on a photo shoot, accusing others of towel thievery, and referring to herself as "the talent." Everything that Alexandria does drives Molly nuts, and she says that once Alexandria goes home everything will be fine. That interview is taken from when Molly still had her whack weave, but a shot of the girls sitting around the table in their house assures us that the ill feelings have not dissipated.
Alexandria gets a bubble bath and interviews that people obviously want her to go home and she's feeling attacked. However, she's not going to let it affect her. She says that she's just getting warmed up, and the negative comments from the other girls are just more fuel for her toxic fire. I know she's feeling defensive, but it's really not hard to see why everyone hates her so much. I am certain that she would annoy the living snot out of me in a cohabitation situation and I would be forced to choke her with her own pilfered towel.
The girls head to Smashbox Studios where they meet up with Nigel. He tells them that today they'll be doing their part for the fight against breast cancer. For the past seventeen years, Ford Motor Company has been working with Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure, and they've created the Warriors in Pink campaign. Ford has already dedicated $110 million to the breast cancer cause, and you can buy the Warriors in Pink apparel at fordcares.com. 100% of the net proceeds go to the cause. The Warriors in Pink campaign is all about the strength and courage it takes to deal with the everyday challenges of fighting breast cancer, and the symbols that the girls have embody the strength and spirit of warriors who live, breathe, and fight against this disease.
Now that the inspirational stuff is over, we can get to the bitchery. The girls each have a symbol, and will be embodying the meaning of that symbol in a photo shoot challenge with Nigel as the photographer. They'll have to decide upon their own hair, makeup, and styling. The girl who does the best job will appear in a nation-wide Ford Warriors in Pink print ad. Nigel says that this is their opportunity to be a true role model. In some cases, it will be a role model of stankitude, which I for one appreciate. Backstage, the girls direct their hairstylists and makeup artists. Makeup artist Marie-Flore Beaubien works with Jaclyn, who has chosen the warrior of courage symbol. She says that her inspiration is her aunt, whose struggle with breast cancer makes her want to take the disease down. Jaclyn goes with dark makeup and messy hair, along with boxing gloves. She looks very sexified yet tough, and when Nigel asks her what she's thinking about, she says, "Beating the crap out of breast cancer." And that, my friends, is how you answer the question, "What are you thinking about?"
Kasia is , and her symbol is the heart. She has a sword and shield, and before we know it Nigel has his shot. Brittani's symbol is the dove. She is dressed like a Tahitian hippie stripper, and holds a bonsai tree. Yeah, I don't know. But trust me that this will be her best decision today. She tells us that she got best photo last week, and so knows that she's able to show emotion. She thinks that she'll do well, and has a chance at winning. Brittani tilts her bonsai tree to and fro. Nigel asks what she's thinking about when she looks into the camera. She says, and I quote, "I don't know. I don't think when I look into the camera, I just do." Nigel stops for a moment and looks at her as if asking, "Have you learned nothing in fifteen seasons of this show?" He asks what it all means, and Brittani says that she has no words for what she does, and in fact can't explain it. She actually seems proud about it and impressed with herself, which is the incorrect attitude to have about all this. Nigel tells her that you can't emote in a picture if your head is empty. As a role model and spokesperson for a charity, he tells us, you have to understand what you're doing. He does not think that she quite comprehended all of it. Nigel says that you can't just "do" passion -- you have to be passionate. Brittani starts crying into her feather earrings, and we head to commercials.
When we return, Brittani tells us that she was in fact really passionate about the subject of the photo and felt a lot of emotion, but then Nigel told her that she wasn't doing anything. That really hurt. Brittani finishes, and her bonsai tree sags a little bit. Hannah is up , and her symbol is the spiral. She has one of those twirly ribbons on a stick, along with a silver jumpsuit. Nigel tells her that the spiral action is working, but she shouldn't forget to think about what she's doing. Hannah looks confused, like what other motivation would she need to land the cover of a Get in Shape Girl box other than the desire for fitness through colorful accessories? Nigel says that Hannah looked fantastic, but was more focused on twirling the ribbon than on getting the requisite passion in her eyes.
Backstage, Nigel asks Mikaela what a campaign like this means to her, and she tearfully says that one of her nieces doesn't have a grandmother because of the breast cancer. Nigel hugs her and talks about what a sad thing it is. Mikaela interviews that she wanted to bring some softness to her war paint symbol, but didn't want to bring it down too much by crying. We see her in some sort of toga-ish dress, a big spear, and some war paint-like rouge on her cheeks. Nigel tells us that Mikaela looked great, but kept doing the same thing over and over. He was frustrated. Molly is , as the symbol of angel wings. She looks more like the symbol of "under eye bags." Nigel asks Molly what she's thinking about, and she mentions a friend of her parents who died. Nigel tells her to be that angel. Molly would like to win this one not only for the message, but also because she hasn't won any challenges yet. All philanthropy really does have at its base self-interest. We don't learn how good or bad Molly's performance is, so I'll assume that she's fine.
Alexandria is last, and her symbol is the tree of love. She says that it represents the people who grow and stay strong through anything that's thrown their way -- even bitchy housemates who rifle through their diaries when they're crying on the phone to their UFC fighter boyfriends. Alexandria's styling is totally hideous, and she stands in a big dirt patch. She herself is the tree. Brittani says that Alexandria was doing the same thing she always does in each of her shots, which involves a very whack face. Brittani would like Alexandria to go away, because she's engendering a lot of negative energy within Brittani. Alexandria stands with her arms stretched out in her Von Trapp curtains ensemble, and Nigel says it's gorgeous. From the sidelines, Brittani says to Molly that it doesn't look that great to her. Molly just shrugs and notes that Nigel seems to think it looks good. She is keeping her shit together even though she's clearly not pleased, which should serve as a lesson to Brit-Brit. Nigel gets his final shot, and we're done.
Nigel gathers the girls back together and gives them some feedback. Mikaela looked beautiful when she came to set, but she was very wrapped up in posing with the spear and did not emote her symbol. Hannah was interesting, but not memorable overall. A very drunk Hannah confessionalizes that she doesn't like being considered unmemorable, because she is memorable. She slurs that she's freaking Houston Texas, right there, and she laughs at the notion of unmemorability, and doesn't accept it. Hannah is such a drunkerstein that she almost falls asleep at the end of this rant. I hope someone is there later to hold her pretty hair when she's slumped over the toilet bowl. I also hope that we get to see more moments from this brilliant confessional as the season goes on. Brittani revealed herself as a non-thinker, which was a bad call. Nigel tells her that she needs to be in control, be passionate, and have heart, especially for a campaign such as this. Alexandria did a very interesting job, and Nigel loves how she made the mud on the ground her own. Being the tree was a little obvious, he says, but if you're committed with your eyes, heart and soul, sometimes you can get away with the obvious. And the winner is Alexandria. She is of course thrilled, and says that she can't believe that she's going to be a positive role model. She's certainly no role model to raw chicken storage purists everywhere.
Nigel says that before they get started shooting Alexandria's ad, he's going to get her co-star. Out rolls a 2012 Ford Focus, which is Alexandria's car to keep. Everyone, including Alexandria, looks quite shocked. Everyone BUT Alexandria looks disgusted. Alexandria has no car, and so is pretty happy about the whole situation. She tearfully interviews that she's happy she won this, because it will prove to everyone that she can make it through. Brittani tells us that Nigel made the wrong decision in choosing Alexandria for the following reasons: 1) She's not very attractive; 2) She doesn't look like a model. Well then! We see Brittani still on set ranting that Nigel chose the ugliest fucking person there as far as their soul, and that it's despicable that she's embodying so much while being so fucking fake. It's wrong, and it upsets her. Molly quietly says that it's the dumbest fucking thing that she's ever seen in her life. Brittani continues to rant that she wanted someone who deserves it and is a good person to win.
From maybe fifteen feet away, Alexandria pipes in to notify Brittani that she can hear her. Brittani does not give a fuck, and says so quite loudly. She adds that Alexandria should have gone home the night instead of Monique. Molly says that they all agree, and Alexandria tells them not to be fake and ask her how she's doing. Brittani says that she's not being fake in asking that, but rather is being nice. Alexandria says that she's not, and Brittani's voice gets louder and louder as Nigel looks on, rapt. Brittani says that Alexandria's fake, and Alexandria is all, "I know you are but what am I," and Brittani says she's not fake but nice, and Alexandria says that the way she's talking to her right now is not, in fact, nice. She may have a point with that one. Brittani asks if Alexandria thinks that all the other girls are fake, too, since they are on occasion nice to her because they don't want to single her out, at least to her face. She says that they all gave Alexandria a chance, and Alexandria calmly replies that she doesn't care. The only people who need to give her a chance, she says, are the people who matter. I'm guessing she doesn't consider her competitors as people who matter. She only needs the judges and the people who she works with, all of whom probably dislike her as well. Brittani gives Alexandria the hand and says that nobody cares, and we get a glimpse of a fascinated Nigel still looking on before heading to commercials.
When we return, Nigel is shooting Alexandria's Ford Focus print ad, and she's very excited about whatever new technology will allow her to control her car by voice or touch. She has never looked more like Reva Shayne than in her tarted-up cancer-fighting gear. Back at the house, Brittani cuddles in a leopard-print blanket and says that she doesn't hate Alexandria, because she doesn't hate anyone. However, she really, really, really, really, really doesn't like her. Mikaela says that she just laughs Alexandria off. Still, she acknowledges that she doesn't think Alexandria deserved to win the prize. Kasia announces that they have to figure out which way to handle Alexandria's reentry into the house. Either they give it to her 100% -- and by it, I think they mean full-on stank -- or they give her the silent treatment. Alexandria enters the house, and it seems that they have opted for the latter. No one says a word to her and she heads to her room. In the confessional, Alexandria says that she doesn't get it, and doesn't know what she's done. She's finally won a challenge, she says, and no one is happy for her. Just when I start to feel a little bad for Alexandria, she gets that crazy look in her eyes and that glottal tone in her voice and says, "I'm strong. I'm alpha. I'm the lioness. I'm getting what I want because I'm gonna do it, no matter what." When people refer to themselves as alpha, I think what they mean to say is, "I'm rather enjoy the fact that I'm a total dick."
The morning at 6:45 a.m., Miss J. goes through the house and tells some bitches to wake up. He's scored them VIP treatment at Universal Studios, apparently, and is excited since he's never been there himself. I wonder what the total absence of Tyra Mail in this episode means. Maybe the Tyra Mail carriers went on strike or are protesting because she's trying to take away their right to collectively bargain? The girls get on a trolley for the studio tour, and wind up at the Bates Motel. Miss J. says that the movie Psycho terrorized his black ass for life, and the tour guide suggests that he get out for a photo op. Miss J. stands on the porch and pronounces that this moment is major. Just then, everything goes black and white and an old crone comes out of the house, grabs Miss J., holds a knife over his head, and announces, "You're not modeling H2T! You're not giving me neck! And where the hell is the smize?" Each pronouncement comes with a stab, and eventually J. keels over as the girls look on. Things go back to color, and we realize that Mrs. Bates is actually the Dowager Jay Manuel. I think we all get the message that we're looking at Tyra in another 40 years, though. Jay says that sometimes you need a little morning stabbing to get through the stress of the competition. Don't I know it!
Today, Jay wants the girls to show him how crazy for fashion they really are. He sends them back to hair and makeup, and eventually meets them there to introduce photographer Miguel Starcevich, whom we are told is a very creative and avant-garde photographer. We know that by his depression-era hat. Jay wants the girls to be able to use the shoot as a cathartic moment to push through their competitive anxiety. He then introduces Eric Daman, who is the stylist for Gossip Girl and will be styling the girls today. Jaclyn is beside herself, as evidenced by her repeated exclamation of, "Oh my goodness!" I think this would have been a good time to bust out a "Jeepers creepers!" Eric says that he wants the clothes for today to convey a character. Whoa, he totally is a genius! I'm sure no regular non-genius costume designer ever would have thought of such a thing. Jay explains that each girl will be crazy for some element of fashion, such as fur, bags, or shoes. There will be metaphorical and literal craziness.
Molly is crazy for accessories, and Eric says that she seems a little awkward because of all the junk she's wearing. Jay tells her not to wear the awkwardness in her photo. She sort of snarls, and Jay tells her that crazy doesn't necessarily mean that you need to growl. Molly bites her ring and poses on the Bates porch, and eventually it sounds like they get a decent shot. Brittani is crazy for shoes, and jumps up and down and squeals to prove it. Miguel tells us that he loved Brittani, who came out kicking and jumping like the Karate Kid. He thinks that she has a great personality. Jay agrees that Brittani has done well, and notes how happy she is on set. She says that she loves shoes. Also maybe she has had Alexandria taxidermied.
Hannah is up, and wants to make an impression in her very tiny top hat. She's crazy for handbags, and has a little monologue that she does about how much she loves bags and how amazing they are. It's pretty weird. Jay notes that it's a hot, crazy mess. Hannah tells us that she got lost in the theatrics of it all, and when she saw how unhappy Jay was she knew she was in trouble. She still keeps up with the crazy chatter, though. Jay tells her that it's force-fed. To us he says that Hannah went full-on with her interpretation of crazy, but left any ability to model back in hair and makeup.
Jaclyn is crazy for makeup, and looks like a combo of Baby Jane and the guy from A Clockwork Orange. She has lipstick smeared magnificently across her face, and Jay notes that she makes a very convincing crazy person. Kasia is crazy for hair and so plays with a bunch of extensions. Jay likes the fact that she's not afraid to frown and do things that are different. Alexandria is crazy for faux fur. Despite the fact that she has a stuffed animal fox around her neck, Jay tells her that she doesn't really look crazy enough. He asks what makes her crazy, and Alexandria says that it's when people are yelling at her. She notes that the other bitches in the house have done that plenty, and Jay tells her to show what she's got. She starts screaming like an inmate at an asylum, and Jay loves it. Outside, the other girls hear her screams and wish that she was actually being murdered. Molly notes ruefully that she's probably still alive, and also probably isn't going home this week.
Mikaela is crazy for sales. She does a lot of panting about all the bags of crap around, and Jay tells her to let the set serve her rather than overtake her energy. He says that she was overwhelmed by the set, and it was almost like ADD Christmas morning. She throws a couple of bags up in the air, and Jay seems to like it for a minute, and that's a wrap.
Back at the house, the girls talk about their shoots. Mikaela is nervous about panel. She thinks she did a good job, but it wasn't the best she could have done. Brittani says that some people did good, and some people did great, but at least they all look better than "that." One guess as to who "that" is. Brittani confessionalizes that she hopes she doesn't flip out at panel if Alexandria doesn't go home. She notes that panel would be the worst place for her to flip out. Indeed. She feels bad for flipping out in front of Nigel, and thinks that he'll see her as the bitch even though that's not the case. She wishes that everyone else could see the many stank sides of Alexandria that her housemates are forced to witness regularly. If Alexandria stays in the house, Brittani promises to rip off her fucking head. And now we have a show! Meanwhile, Alexandria files her nails. She doesn't want to talk to the other girls anyway, so the silent treatment isn't even bothering her. She crazy confessionalizes that Brittani doesn't matter to her, and that she's strong and Brittani's weak. She squints and says that she'll be there longer than Brittani will, and we head to commercials.
When we return, we get a glimpse of Tyra's backstage pre-panel boob issues. If this show focused 10% more on Tyra's boobs, I think it would be a lot more interesting. Tyra greets the girls. There are prizes, there are judges. Eric Daman is the guest judge for the week. Hannah is up first for critique. ALT thinks that she looks absolutely mad in her crazy for handbags photo. It's very Mad Hatter meets purse snatcher. Tyra thinks that the photo is fantastic, but Hannah's film overall was not so great. Her timing was off, and she's lucky that she stumbled into a good shot. Nigel loves Molly's obsessed with accessories photo, in which she is biting her ring. He totally believes her face, and she's sold the product while also showing her face. Eric notes that in the beginning Molly felt a little awkward, and it took a while to get to this great shot. Tyra says that there's a sensuality and lunacy to the whole thing, and Molly has to do this more. I would like "sensuality and lunacy" to be my own personal tagline.
Jaclyn is up for critique, and her crazy for makeup photo is deemed gorgeous, mad, comedic, wonderful, brilliant, edgy and editorial by ALT. Nigel says that it's the best picture he's ever seen of her. She looks like the Joker, which is a good thing in this instance only. Tyra loves her gorgeous crazy face, and says that Jaclyn turned it out in frame after frame. Mikaela is , and her obsessed with sales shot is so-so. Eric says that she had a hard time getting into it and making a moment happen. He doesn't think that the photo came across as well as he would have liked it to. Nigel asks Mikaela what she was thinking, and she says that she immediately wanted to touch stuff on set and perhaps went a little too crazy. Tyra, however, thinks that Mikaela did not go crazy enough. She wonders if Mikaela understood the lunacy part of the assignment, because it wasn't there at all in her film.
Kasia was obsessed with hair, and ALT thinks she looks like a mad socialite at a hair salon in the South. She looks deranged. Nigel loves how her eyes are popping out of her head, and Eric says that her body language looks amazing. Kasia was taking a lot of risks and getting into a mad place, and wound up with a great-looking photo. In person, however, it must be noted that she's looking a bit "inexpensive," as Rachel Zoe would say.
And then! It's Alexandria's turn for critique. Get ready for it, folks. ALT thinks that Alexandria's crazy for fur face looks wonderful, and that she's modeling. Eric says that it's high fashion and it works, however although she's wearing a crazy outfit, the lunacy is missing from her face. Tyra says that the photo needs a whole crazy narrative story, and doesn't really give a "deranged for fur" vibe. And then! Nigel wants to bring up something interesting that happened on the Ford Warriors in Pink shoot. He asks what the "extraordinary performance" between Brittani and Alexandria was all about. Brittani whips her head around and says that all of the girls think that if Nigel was looking for a role model, he chose the wrong person. The rest of them see the true Alexandria, she says, upon which Alexandria starts crying. Nigel tells Brittani that speaking of role models, to be that "outspoken" (read: stank) at a photo shoot, in front of the photographer, and in front of the client, is extremely unprofessional. He adds that there's a reason why they don't know all of Alexandria's business -- what happens at home happens at home, and should stay there. Brittani's rant has only made Nigel think differently about her and, I may add, made Alexandria seem more sympathetic.
Tyra asks Brittani why she did such a thing in front of the client. Brittani gets upset and says that she didn't confront Alexandria and say directly, "You didn't deserve to win." Alexandria disagrees with that interpretation of events. So do I, though Brittani is totally arguing on a technicality. If you'll recall, Brittani also called Alexandria ugly. Brittani argues that she did none of this to Alexandria's face, but rather was just speaking really loudly to the other girls and Alexandria overheard. Tyra points out that the client overheard as well, and Brittani says that she apologized, and was just talking quietly to the other girls. "Quietly." I mean, look. Brittani was pissed off and stank and got in a big old fight and we all saw it. I'm not saying that all the things she thinks about Alexandria aren't true, but she did get real trailer park. If that Louise Brooks bob were a wig, Brittani totally would have whipped it off in the heat of the moment. Brittani starts crying for real, and says she feels horrible because she made herself look like a bad person due to her feelings about Alexandria. She gasps for air and continues that she's so mad at herself for letting Alexandria do this to her. Well, again. We've had no evidence that Alexandria is actually smart enough to be some sort of puppetmaster, so I think the real culprit here is Brittani's own ability to control her shit. Pull it together, bitch.
Tyra has had a stern look on her face all this time, and now gets to testify. She says that in terms of sportsmanship, what Brittani has done is one of the weakest things that a role model can do. No matter what you feel inside about how deserving of commendation someone is, you need to shut your lips, especially in front of a client. She says that this is a business, and you have to respect your client, your co-workers, and yourself. The mere idea of self-respect is simply too much for Brittani, and she fans herself and walks out of panel as we head to a commercial.
When we return, Tyra tells the other, somewhat alarmed-looking girls that Brittani has left but they will continue on. She adds that this is fashion, and she's seen it all. ALT tells Alexandria that he feels bad for her at this moment, and thinks that she should buck up and put a smile on her face. Meanwhile, Brittani is backstage in a really compressed child's pose, right on the tile floor. She drinks water and cries and fans herself and gasps for air and finally returns to panel in time for her critique. Tyra asks why she left the set, and Brittani gasps out that she had a panic attack and can't really talk. Tyra doesn't care about any damn panic attack, and asks Brittani if she understands what the judges are talking about in terms of being nasty in front of a client. Brittani chokes out in a sort of childlike, semi-deranged voice that she knows she has to keep her mouth shut in certain places. This seems to placate Tyra momentarily, and she turns to Brittani's photo. Nigel says that it's a very sweet shoot, but she could have taken it bigger. ALT says that it's not the best picture of Brittani, but works because he sees an emotion in the eyes.
With that, the judges deliberate. Hannah's picture works, because she does look crazy and is emoting. ALT says that in a way, it's almost Alice in Wonderland but doesn't quite get there. ALT has also created a narrative for Molly's photo, which is that she's a deranged socialite who has just come home from a funeral, and who has perhaps not signed the right prenup and so is uncertain if she got all of her dead husband's money. ALT's world of imagination is full of a lot of deranged socialites, I think. In any case, he loves the photo. Jaclyn's shot is genius, she looks stunning, and she's raised her game. Eric says that Jaclyn is a sweet little Southern girl, but she managed to turn it out in Psycho world and wound up with one of the best shots of the day. Mikaela was not great, and didn't look crazy for anything but being a dullard. Kasia was really into the shoot and using her body and props in a high fashion way, according to Eric. ALT says that her photo is neither commercial nor high editorial, but he's a fan of Kasia because she's fiercely fabulous.
Alexandria has not, according to ALT, come up to the challenge in her photo, but she did come up to the challenge of bitchy housemates with dignity. Nigel thinks that the photo is great, but the stuffed fox is emoting more crazy eyes than Alexandria is. Brittani did not show madness for shoes in her photo, but Nigel says that she has extraordinary bone structure and you see model when you look at her. However, you have to be able to model as well. The noun and the verb, always. Tyra asks the other judges what they think of Brittani's performance as a human. As a HUMAN! Do we really want to get into what we all think of an individual's performance as a human, Miss Banks? ALT says that he doesn't know what's going on behind the scenes, but it should not come into the workplace. Eric says that it changed his opinion on Brittani. Tyra says that a lot of young girls think that the opposite of being fake is rudeness. But rudeness is bad, too! You can't just say whatever is on your mind in whatever stank way you please because it's the truth. ALT wonders if Brittani has learned a life lesson today. Nigel hopes that she has, and says he'd like to have faith in everyone. Eric notes that it took courage for Brittani to stand in front of panel while in the midst of a panic attack, which may show some sort of character.
Meanwhile, backstage, Alexandria tells all of the other girls that they might want her to go home, but she's still in it. She adds, "You should have came to me." Uh, sic. And do you really think that inviting more stank is a good idea at this point? Alexandria does, and asks if any of the girls have a problem with her now. Kasia says that Alexandria has like five personalities, and Mikaela adds that she was offended by how rude Alexandria was to people on set. Hannah simply says, "We want you to go home." Alexandria says that that's fine, and if the others had just said that before she could have stopped talking to them way back when. She adds that they shouldn't have been "fakely nice" to her, and Brittani retorts that it wasn't fakely nice. Alexandria continues that she looks like an asshole now, because she's said so many nice things about the others. Yes, that's totally why she looks like an asshole. Way to invent a personal narrative that allows you to continue to eschew any sense of self-awareness. She says that everyone has put on a façade like they're okay with her, when really they should have just been honest. I actually feel like they've been pretty much upfront about how little they enjoy her company. Brittani starts getting upset again, and Alexandria calmly adds, "You should have just been real with me girl." Brittani freaks out again and leaves, and Alexandria has the gall to look shocked. I still don't think that Alexandria has great reserves of brain power, but do think she has tapped into the fact that Brittani is easily set off. FYI, the girls' holding room is, like, a basement closet. Elegance!
We go back to panel deliberations, as Nigel says that Brittani has spunk, attitude, and character that can be molded. Tyra says that she can think back to one time when she disagreed with the other judges this much, and it was when Toccara got the boot in season three. Tyra was outvoted then, which proves that she can be outvoted, at least according to her. Nigel acknowledges that in hindsight Toccara should have stayed. Tyra totally wants to punch him for that. ALT, Nigel, and Eric all vote for Brittani to stay, and Tyra says that she doesn't agree with them. Um, spoiler alert?
The girls are released from their closet, and a pissed-off sounding Tyra says that she only has six photos in her hands. Those photos represent the girls who are still in the running towards becoming America's Top Model, perhaps against Tyra's own wishes. Jaclyn's name is called first, meaning that she's gotten the best photo of the week. Molly is the runner-up. Hannah is called , followed by Kasia and Alexandria, with a commendation for how well she's handled herself this week. Mikaela and Brittani are in the bottom two. Brittani looks a hot mess for sure. Tyra tells Mikaela that she has a spectacular face, but she's lacking intensity in her eyes. She's a sporadic smizer, but that's not enough. And then there's Brittani. She had the best photo last week, and has been one of the strongest contenders from week to week. But what makes her -- and Tyra totally refers to her in the third person -- unattractive is the attitude that the judges saw today. So who stays in the competition? Tyra again launches into her speech about how everyone thinks she's the only one who makes the decisions on this show and that the other judges are there for color commentary. That is not the case and, Tyra claims, has never been the case. And today she's been outvoted. Brittani stays, and starts weeping. Tyra tells Brittani that she has a serious issue with how the judges voted. If this were a monarchy, which it may well be by the episode, Mikaela would be taking her photo from Tyra's hands and Brittani would be heading back to the trailer. Tyra tells Brittani that she doesn't know what she has to do to prove that she deserves to be there -- it's up to Brittani to figure that out. She pointedly does not congratulate Brittani as she tells her that she is still in the running towards becoming America's Top Model.
Then there's Mikaela. Tyra says that she knows Mikaela has modeled before, but obviously it didn't work out so well or she wouldn't have had to resort to being on this stupid show that is also most definitely not a monarchy. Mikaela is the kind of girl who can wow people on a go-see by her face, but she doesn't want to have a weak portfolio backing that up. Mikaela tells us that she knew her photo shoot wasn't as good as she wanted it to be, and it's about the photo. She knows that Brittani had a meltdown, but Mikaela's photo simply wasn't as good. She says that she's happy to know that Tyra supported her, and to have made it this far is a huge accomplishment. I wonder what drunkerstein Hannah thinks about all this? Hopefully we will one day find out.
week: Go-sees! And a very unsanitary photo shoot at the garbage dump. I wonder if they'll run into Janice?
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