It’s the middle of the season, which can only mean one thing: acting! But before we get to that, there’s another unsurprising, yet related, thing: drama! The girls have what appears to be Thanksgiving dinner at the house, complete with turkey carcass and pie. Natalie assumes exemption from clean-up, which may or may not have been a joke, but provides the perfect excuse for Teyona and Aminat to punch her in the throat with their eyes. Natalie attributes her bitchery to the fact that she was born with a silver spoon up her ass, which doesn’t seem to go far in endearing her to anyone. The girls put aside their differences as they head to a teach with Paulina. It’s all about acting, and as one might expect Celia is a ham and Tahlia is a drip. After pairing up for some quick exercises, the girls are introduced to a special guest with whom they’ll perform a scene. And that special guest is -- wait for it -- no, keep waiting -- seriously, it’s worth it -- CLAY MOTHERCHUCKING AIKEN. Also known as a close personal friend to Tyra Banks! You know they eat ribs and cruise Manhunt together every Thursday night. London, who apparently is from a family of actors, portrays a has-been model at a fitting convincingly enough that she wins the challenge, and a prize of $5,000 worth of apparel from Joe’s Jeans. Sad for her, she’s too fat to fit into any of it. Ah, the thrill of victory.
Instead of a photo shoot this week, the girls try their hand at a collaborative commercial for Cover Girl, with inspiration from yet another special guest -- last year’s top model McKey. This piece of wood shouldn’t be giving anyone advice on anything that involves speaking or moving, but what can you do. [It's the bland leading the bland! - Z] Celia does well and is the best of the week despite the fact that she looks like she’s everyone else’s grandma. Though no one was overwhelmingly impressive, it’s drippy Tahlia and one-note Allison who land in the bottom two. At long last, Tahlia gets eliminated, if only because Clay Aiken totally wants to miniaturize Allison like the mad scientist he is and add her to his Precious Moments figurine collection.
Previously on America's Top Model: Kortnie's elimination and Celia's subsequent rat-finkery resulted in a model house divided. Teyona yelled at Allison for being part of the tattletale plot, and Allison's eyes got so big they nearly swallowed the rest of her face. The girls had to put their faces through cardboard cutouts of Tyra at a challenge, but the real prize went to whoever got to cut Tyra's face out in the first place. The photo shoot focused on colors, and since Sandra's were neither beautiful like a rainbow nor deliciously bitchy enough to create interest, she was sent home. Eight bitches remain!
We enter with a few girls talking in the kitchen. Natalie really hopes that they'll be shooting a Cover Girl commercial soon. Allison really hopes they won't, unless it's an ad for Cover Girl's new capillary-busting nose infusion, "TruBlood." Last week at panel the judges told Allison that she needed to give more variety in her posing. Natalie notes that she's never seen Allison smile. Allison contends that that's not true, and that in fact Natalie was just so blinded by her teeth that she thought she accidentally stared into the sun. Celia makes a funny ugly smile, and then says it's gotten her where she is today. Oh Celia. Not actually evil!
Meanwhile, there is turkey carcass, which must mean a celebration is taking place. The girls eat a big feast together, presumably for Thanksgiving. There's turkey and pie and London presiding over the evening prayer. I am only sad that there are no paper bag Pilgrim and Indian puppets that the girls can use to act out their conflicts therapeutically. Natalie confessionalizes that she was relaxing for a few minutes. We cut to her lounging on a chair as Teyona asks everyone to please wash their own dishes. Natalie remains in her chair and says, "You're doing a good job, guys." Teyona recounts the incident in an interview, and from her point of view Natalie wanted the others to clean up for her. Teyona states clearly that she's not Natalie's maid, or Alice from The Brady Bunch. She is, however, a little bit Florence from The Jeffersons. Teyona tells Aminat, who is in the kitchen cleaning up with the others, about what Natalie said, and Aminat calls Natalie a bitch. She sarcastically says, "And she wonders why people think she's snobby." Through this all Natalie appears to be wearing a purple denim vest, which frankly does not help her case. Natalie, in her state of relaxation, heard Aminat call her a bitch. She tells us that she was obviously kidding, and then goes to the kitchen. There we see her saying, "I'm sorry I live in a nice community and you don't." Yeah. She continues, "Can I help where I'm from? No. Just like you can't where you're from." However, no matter where you're from, you can generally help being an asshole. This scene is interesting because it appears that Natalie is not talking directly to Aminat, but rather to Fo, in a rhetorical manner. Good choice.
The girls are going to do a stage acting exercise in pairs. They will be given a sentence which they'll have to act in a specific way. Celia and Aminat are up first, and both have to say, "I have never said that to anyone." Aminat must be bossy, while Celia must be pitiful. Typecasting! Aminat is more threatening than bossy, which frankly I see as a choice. Celia is reliably pitiful. Teyona and Natalie are reading the line, "I have no idea what you're talking about." Teyona has to say it "shockingly," which makes absolutely no sense. Paulina tries to model "shockingly," which looks like, "Ric Ocasek waxwork! Run!" Natalie has to be threatening, and her reading prompts Paulina to say that some of these girls might just be beauty models. London and Fo are , reading, "You've got to be kidding me." London is pitiful and Fo is threatening, and both seem to do a passable job. Then it's time for the mild-mannered duo, Tahlia and Allison. Paulina wants them to read, "You need to get out of here." Allison has to say it in an arrogant manner, while Tahlia must be ecstatic. Fail, and fail. Paulina tries to goad Tahlia into being ecstatic, which requires jumping around and squealing a lot. You'd think that, after all the Tyra Entrance Training these girls have endured, she'd be a pro at this. Not so. Tahlia kind of laughs, and Paulina tells her to jump up and down. There is a bit of lackluster hopping, and Paulina again models ecstasy, and Tahlia again models giant beaver teeth. Paulina says that jumping with Tahlia is like jumping in mud. Tahlia interviews that she feels like she's letting "her" down, because "she" wants more. This could be an interview taken out of context, but either way: Tahlia sucks.
Paulina addresses all of the girls, saying that most of them did okay by the end, but it's her job to push them into being bigger and wilder and better. She singles out Tahlia as the one who has most of an issue with this, and recommends that she goes around farting and picking her nose to ramp up her performance. Acting! Paulina tells the girls that there's never a teach without a challenge, so she has a script for them all to memorize. The scene involves a has-been model going for a fitting, and Celia is prepared to take all that Paulina taught them and apply it. London tells us that she comes from a family of actors. Not carpenters? In any case, acting has always come naturally to her, as evidenced by the audition-round Jesus fervor that hasn't reappeared since. She thinks she's going to kick butt. As London mouths words emphatically, we head to commercials.
When we return, Allison tells us that each of the lines on the script has a word above it, like "aggression" or "shocked" or "crazed." These are the emotions in a day of Tyra. Paulina reveals to the girls that there is a special guest with whom they're going to share the stage for this challenge. It is someone who has sold billions of records. Hmm, okay. Somebody who is in a Tony-award-winning play on Broadway called Spamalot. Wait, you mean... no, that can't be right. Someone who is a close personal friend of Tyra's. Okay, just weird enough to be true, and you know they all have tea parties with Bubbles the chimp. Seriously you guys, it's CLAY TO THE MOTHERFUCKING AIKEN! I think my brain just exploded. And Clay Aiken fed off of my brain bits, because that's how he gets his power. If there were ever a way for a diva to come out, this is it. The girls all squeal and stuff, and Fo tells us that Clay is pretty much a genius. A genius at making peoples' brains explode so he can eat them, just like he did with that poor mentally challenged guy on the Idol finale a few years ago. Which, because there's never a bad time to relive that: you're welcome. And dude, my brain just exploded AGAIN! And now I have just spent 45 minutes watching Clay Aiken videos on YouTube. And this made me believe in love again.
Okay, where am I? Wait, Aiken is still here!?!? This was not a lite-rock induced hallucination! Okay, so London is first up. She acts snooty as the has-been model, but I can't tear my eyes from Aiken spitting the line, "Honey, you haven't worked since Marc Jacobs designed for Perry Ellis." OMG, he just said the word "sashay!" I am really so happy for him that he came out. I worried that he would be repressed his whole life and just, like, turn into a raisin or Neil Sedaka or something. As RuPaul says, "If you can't love yourself, how the hell you gonna love anybody else?" Anyway, whatever, London was fine. Aminat tries to out-bitch the mother of the House of Aiken de la Clay, but cannot, duh. Natalie does her scene, and Clay tells us that he got the impression that she had a bit of an attitude. Paulina is impressed at Clay's ability to read people. Clay instructs Allison to walk in her scene, tangos with Fo when he asks her to open his show, and agrees with everyone on earth that Tahlia sucks. As you might expect, Celia actually makes an attempt at out-queening Gayken. It can't be done! But he appreciates her flair.
It is time to learn who can act, and not just act a fool. Paulina tells them that, as if working with Clay isn't good enough, the winner will get $5,000 worth of Joe's Jeans merchandise. That is an awesome prize. And London is the winner! She likely could never win a modeling challenge, so good for her. The girls return home to find all sorts of bags from Joe's Jeans around. London tell us that she didn't even try on the clothes because she's struggling with weight. She's worried, because she thinks it does affect her modeling. Oh, fatty, don't be sad. If this doesn't work out there's always The Biggest Loser. London gives some of her clothes away to the others, because they don't fit her. Aminat knows that this is likely upsetting, but agrees that London is a hoss.
Tyra Mail! "Do you play well with others? It's time to find out. Love, Tyra." The girls think that they might have to do something with men, and are awfully excited about it. You mean Aiken didn't give them their testosterone fix? The day their pink plaid limo takes them to a studio where they see McKey "filming" a "commercial" for Cover Girl. Jay tells them that McKey is there to introduce them to Cover Girl's newest foundation, which will be the focus of their very first commercial. McKey then tells us in a zombie voice -- because Aiken exploded her brain and then ate the bits, too -- that Cover Girl has developed some sort of TruSomething Mineral Foundation. Riveting! Jay tells the girls that they will be divided in groups and will have to work together. They'll get a script while in hair and makeup, but will also have the benefit of a teleprompter on set. They're not supposed to rely on it, but nobody has time for these bitches to break down and forget shit and have to read from cue cards that Nole Marin is forced to scrawl. So it'll be there if they need it. Teyona, Aminat, Celia and Alison are group one, and group two is Natalie, Fo, London and Tahlia.
There is hair, there is makeup, there is line reading. Allison is in despair. She wants to do exceptionally well. She and her group all practice while looking in the mirror, and Allison looks like a very well appointed blow-up doll. McKey chats with some of the ladies, and asks where they're from. Celia says that she's from Kentucky, and Natalie tells McKey that she's from California while calling the others "little hicks." McKey didn't even know Natalie was a bitch. But Teyona does, noting that Natalie is a snob who thinks that everyone should just bow down to her. What they should all be doing is bowing down to Aiken and begging him to sing "Solitaire."
Group one is first to go. Jay tells them that each of them will get a few takes, then they'll rotate. Basically, the main girl will say some lines to the camera, then walk over to where the other three girls are hanging out. Each of them will have an insipid line of some sort, and then it's over. Celia is first to be featured. She tries to convince us the new TruBlend micromineral foundation is the hottest look in minerals. We can fine tune our coverage our way! Celia manages to make it through without any flubs, and even gets a nod of approval from Cover Girl representative Elyssa Starkman. Teyona is and does not do such a stellar job. Her teeth are scaring me again. She forgets to look in the camera until Jay tells her to, and the second take is much better. Aminat is a hot mess, and looks like she's about to beat a bitch down. Jay tells us that Aminat is full of personality until the cameras start rolling.
Meanwhile, Tahlia asks McKey if during her season there was a really quiet girl in the house. McKey says that she was the quiet one. Tahlia asks how she brought herself out, and McKey tells her to show people when she's happy or sad. It's kind of like this, with Tahlia in the Elmo role. Tahlia tells us yet again that she needs to be more confident and step it up. Back at the commercial shoot, it's Allison's turn. She takes, like, a year at the faux photo shoot that opens the commercial, and also forgets to look at the camera otherwise. Jay tells us that she was flat and ended with a big question mark on her face. Allison tells us that it's frustrating because she doesn't know how to work her face. She hopes that she did well enough to stay in the competition. The rest of the girls in group one think they did great, but Allison wonders if she's going to go home because of this. She needs to learn how to manipulate her face in her photos, she says. I would add that she needs to learn how to manipulate that stank weave that's attacking her head. Commercials.
When we return, Fo and the rest of group number two are memorizing and practicing their lines. As they say, "Easy, breezy, beautiful, Cover Girl" in unison, Fo gives Natalie a faux-boob squeeze for effect. Naughty! Natalie tells us how excited she is that Cover Girl is the client, and adds that she's super confident for a change. She is up first and flubs her line right off the bat. Her take is pretty good, though. Jay tells us that Natalie's performance was genius -- not average, not terrible. She does look an awful lot like a model, though, which has to get her some points. Fo is up , and looks like the most adorable mineral-loving Mexican baby dyke Elvis impersonator you've ever seen. Tahlia has one line at the end, and Jay tells her to be a little more happy and not so much like enjoying full coverage makes her want to bash someone with a stick. Though in all fairness, interacting with Jay would bring the stick-bashing impulses out in anyone. Fo tells us that you have to be able to belt it out and make everyone hear you and show your personality.
London is up , and boy does she look dumpy. She's in the most unstructured outfit of all, and the belt around her rib cage gives her a John Goodman gut. The poor girl. What's more, her acting genes are letting her down as Elyssa tells her that she was a bit like a door-to-door salesman. Jay tells her that as soon as you try to sell people something, they get turned off. This is why her street corner church hasn't really taken off yet. London tries again and still seems like a phony phony fake phony. In an interview, London overacts that she might have overacted. It must be sad to have been born into a family of actors. Sorry, Shiloh. Tahlia is , and tells us that she had no problem memorizing her lines. Memorizing how not to be a drip, however, proved to be the real challenge. She's terrible, and mad that she studied so much yet still is tripping over her tongue. Jay is more concerned that she's not bringing the same kind of spirit to the set as the other girls -- the kind of spirit where you've never seen anything so exciting as a new synthetic hair blush brush. She does another take and it's possibly better, except for the fact that she totally pushes Fo out of the way to get front and center. Fo handles it like a pro, though, and crosses back behind Tahlia to stay in the frame. Jay tells Tahlia that this competition may be hard, but it's nothing compared to being out there working. And it's hard until the day you decide you no longer want to be a part of it. For Tahlia, that day was two weeks ago. Tahlia confessionalizes that her confidence is there, it's just hidden. Well send out a search party. Good lord. With that, the shoot is over.
Back at the house, there is Tyra Mail. Someone is going home. Allison and Celia think that they did pretty well, but Allison is scared because she had the kiss of death comment about her face. Celia, however, is pretty confident and even feels like her take was the best of the group. As she says she thinks she can be a Cover Girl we head to commercials, because that is a cliffhanger if I ever heard one.
We enter panel with no Tale of the Benevolent Supermodel to guide us on owning our inner fierceness. I guess I have to make one up myself. Okay, here goes. "Once there was a recapperess who wanted to guide future couch potatoes. So she broke out the rules to fattening your own ass to counteract the shame you feel watching a bunch of skinny bitches walking around on TV. Rule number one -- dump a quarter of a bag of chocolate chips into a jar of peanut butter. Get a spoon. Seriously."
Anyway, panel! Tyra wears a bright purple blouse, just like she shall when she's an old woman. She gets right to it, because she has no patience for fools. There are prizes, there are judges. CLAY TO THE MOTHERFUCKING AIKEN is the guest judge! I totally forgot about him in the fifteen minutes between now and his earlier appearance! Wouldn't it be amazing if he and Miss J. vogued to the death? Or if Miss J.'s expanding tie was actually a venus flytrap-type mechanism that ingested any other queen within a 20-foot radius? Tyra introduces Clay by saying that his first album was the highest selling solo artist release in ten years. That's...awfully specific. And probably not true of the past ten years, but whatever.
Celia is up first for evaluation. She has a fabulous ensemble on, as always. We see her best take, which is really good despite a weird puff of hair that's out of place. She looks like a cockatiel, but delivers the lines like a pro. Paulina tells her that she has a natural talent, and mentions to Tyra that Celia had a natural comedic ability at this week's challenge. Clay appreciates how good Celia is at creating a character. Tyra tells Celia to remember the client. In this case, the client is known for youth and brightness. And unfortunately for Celia, she looks like everyone else's crazy aunt and/or Maude. Teyona is , and her face looks almost exactly like those comedy/drama masks. It's creepy and horrible and why won't her eyes open all the way? Teyona's inability to smile is going to become a problem, I think. Nigel agrees with me that Teyona squints a lot, and adds that there's a big difference between being photogenic and telegenic. Yeah, there's no way she can win. Can you imagine Cycle 13's "My Life As a Cover Girl...OF YOUR NIGHTMARES" spots?
Allison is up . Miss J. calls her to task for wearing the same ensemble to two separate panels. It's a cute dress, but very distinctive and so recognizable. Tyra tells her that if she has jeans and a t-shirt on every week that's okay, because it's "General Clothes." Along with "Corporal Comfy Shoes" he leads the Casual Closet Army. However, when you make a duplicate fashion statement it's like groundhog's day. And nobody's ever mistaken Punxsutawney Phil for a fashion icon. Miss J. wants Teyona and Allison to change clothes, and so Tyra instructs them to do so while the judges deliberate. Finally, it's time for Allison's commercial. You know, it kind of sucks, even if Allison does look like an adorable moppet. Tyra says that she feels like it was punishment, and the other judges all give a big ominous, "Ooooooh!" Clay acknowledges that this was the loudest Allison has spoken since he met her, and gives her props for improvement. Tyra thought that Allison was going to look morbid, but she actually looked sweet and happy like a Cover Girl. If only she hadn't spoken. Nigel repeats his criticism of the judging, which is that he's seen the same pose from her week after week. But... she wasn't posing this week. And Tyra just said she looked sweet and happy. Nigel is becoming the Randy Jackson of this panel.
up is Aminat. She actually seems hostile in her commercial take. Tyra says that it was a duplicate of Teyona's commercial. Except without all the creepy smiling, which makes it an improvement. Miss J. criticizes Aminat for saying, "le-choo" instead of "let you." For someone who is intelligible less than 40% of the time, he has a lot of gumption. Nigel accuses her of chopping off a lot of words at the end, which is really just the first step in his mad scheme to Eliza Doolittle her. "The rain in Spain... falls on your ass just like I'm about to, bitch." Tyra tells Aminat that as a singer or actress, the client is hiring your whole celebrity and there's a lot of forgiveness in that. But as a model you have to articulate the endings of your damn words. Then it's time for London. Her best take is not salesman-like, but instead is kind of dull. Nigel tells her that it was sloppy and slouchy and her body language was defeatist. London is shocked. Tyra tells her that she saw a hardness, like, "YO. You wanna buy this foundation?" Really? Was she actually watching Aminat's commercial? Paulina simply says, "You know what, don't wear these shorts. That's not becoming." Damn! I love it when Paulina channels Janice. We zoom in on London's thunder thighs for emphasis.
Natalie is up . Tyra tells her that she looks adorable this week, and finally has a bit of personal style. We see Natalie's commercial, which causes London to grimace at her own one line. However, Tyra thinks that London was really cute, and in fact upstaged Natalie in her own commercial. Clay pipes up and says that his only real note was that he didn't see Natalie relating to the three other girls. Clay thinks she's a stone bitch. Tyra thinks that Natalie looked great and hit her marks fine, but she doesn't remember her. However, Miss J. does remember that she's a bit controlled and stiff. Tyra tells her to work on her flirtiness, and again commends London for working the flirty shoulder. Turns out this was actually London's best take!
Fo is . We flash from her best take to Clay, and it turns out that they have the same hair! Awesome. Fo trips up over her words a bit, and Miss J. says that it sounds like she's chewing gum and sounding like an idiot. Tyra tells her that she messed up so much at the beginning, it was like a DJ scratching. Nigel tells Fo that Tahlia looked great in her commercial. The others agree, and Paulina goes so far as to say this is the best she's seen Tahlia look yet. Nigel tells Fo to keep practicing. Then it's Tahlia's turn. She looks like she's going to a wedding in the springtime, says Tyra, which is cute, and yet all wrong. The judges continue the trend of complimenting the other girls in the shoot as Paulina tells Fo that she was great. Nigel agrees. He says this means that both Fo and Tahlia are "background." Oh, burn. Nigel tells Tahlia that Cover Girl is fun and youthful and fresh, while she looks mean and angry. Miss J. says something about Tahlia wanting to go fishing when she parted the red sea, because she looks so old. This doesn't make any sense, but Aiken laughs nonetheless. Tyra tells Tahlia that she has the physical look of what Cover Girl likes, but what's coming out of her mouth is not at all likeable. Paulina tells Tahlia that her energy level on the commercial was much higher, even though it was misdirected. That energy is in there, she says, even though Tahlia is struggling to bring it out. Clay adds the equivalent of, "Get it together, Mister Sister."
Meanwhile, Cycle 9's Heather Assburger is totally working! She's with Elite, and also is studying video game art at the Illinois Institute of Art. Go, Heather!
The judges deliberate. Celia has great fashion sense and did the best in her commercial, but it's a relative best since everyone else was so stinky. Clay loves her in a finger-wagging way. Nigel likes that she can read the teleprompter without looking like she was reading the teleprompter. It's-All-About-Tyra Tyras that she didn't read one teleprompter in the five years of her Cover Girl contract. Paulina hilariously adds that she was never allowed to speak. Teyona looked like the devil. She's photogenic, but not telegenic. Paulina commends Nigel for saying a smart thing for once. Allison was adorable in the commercial but Clay doesn't think she has a personality. Paulina points out that she both looks like a doll and has the personality of a doll. Chucky. Clay likes Fo, but thinks that her nerves are getting the best of her. Nigel can see Fo more as an actress than a model, but Tyra says that, even though Fo has the face and personality for the client, she disappeared in the commercial. However, she stood out in the background, which Clay thinks means she has potential. The camera loves Tahlia, but Tahlia doesn't love the camera. Clay thinks that she has horrible self-esteem issues, which is something he's heard of but never experienced. Nigel thinks she's good enough at the various elements that they need, but he wants her to stand up and say she's worth it. What's with the inexplicable Tahlia love? London's body is doing its own thing, according to Miss J., and Nigel crosses his arms and says she's gone pear-shaped. Horrors. Paulina says that she never really saw the potential in London until she worked with her at the teach and saw what a beautiful face she has. Aminat had problems. Mad problems. Commercials are not her medium. Natalie looked fabulous, and Clay was thrilled to learn that she could smile. Miss J. agrees that Natalie needs to show a little emotion. Nigel thinks that Natalie looked like a Bond girl doing Cover Girl, but he was neither shaken nor stirred. And with that, the judges have made their decision.
There are eight beautiful ladies and seven commercial screen-grabs. Tyra tells them that as a group they were so weak that the judges were forced to go on at length about how dreadful they are. But there was one person who stood out. The best commercial of the week is that of Grandma Celia. A vat of prunes for her! Natalie is called , followed by Teyona and her scary clown smile, Fo, London, and Aminat. This leaves Allison and Tahlia in the bottom two. Two lovely ladies, one photo. Allison is one of the most editorial high-fashion girls in the bunch, but she also only has one face, even when that face is making expressions and talking in a commercial. Then there's Tahlia. She has such a strong look for Cover Girl, and an easy, breezy, beautiful face. The still photography camera loves her, but the judges aren't sure if she loves the camera. So who stays? Allison. Tyra hands Allison her photo and tells her to get some damn personality. Tyra advises Tahlia to be in love with the process if she wants to be a model. Tahlia exit interviews that her biggest challenge is getting over herself and her timidity. She held back in the competition, and that's what killed her in the end. However, at the same time, it's who she is. Drip pride! Tahlia gives herself credit for inspiring at least one person and hopefully more. No matter what, she says, she's a role model in someone's eyes. It's a big deal to be in the competition as a burn survivor, and it's opened someone's eyes. Not Teyona's! In any case, I hope that Tahlia is very happy not modeling.
week: the girls become creative directors, and Ciara shows up at the model house!
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