It's the seasonal go-see episode. The girls head off individually to meet Bangkok designers, and must each travel in a little open cab called a tuk-tuk. There are no huge snafus with the designers (though we see a few mistakes regarding Thai custom), but a giant traffic jam ensures that none of the girls makes her 4:30 return deadline. Danielle would have won the challenge, but since everyone was late, the quite awesome prize of clothing from all of the go-see designers is retracted. If Jade had been the winner, I would have thought this was sweet, sweet justice, but since it is Danielle, I am kind of sad. Joanie talks some shit about Sara, particularly around the copying of poses from last week and the fact that modeling isn't really Sara's passion. Sara says about a thousand times that she wants to win as much as anyone and deserves to be there. The girls travel to the tropical paradise of Phuket for an Elle Girl swimwear shoot. Once there, they are given a lesson in recent events from Tyra, who engages them in a moment of silence for the victims of the tsunami that is edited down to a respectful-lite three seconds. Nigel is the photographer for the bikini shoot because he really likes half-naked chicks. While Jade does frustratingly well posing on top of an old, rickety boat that sadly does not float out to sea, Danielle and Sara struggle and thus wind up in the bottom two. The judges tell us that Danielle is there because of her persistent Arkansas accent, but this isn't enough to actually get her sent home, and so Sara must Big Bird herself back to Sesame Street. And yes, this means that Jade is in the final three. Recognize.
Previously: Danielle moaned and groaned and was dehydrated, but she's a survivor; she's not gon' give up, she's not gon' stop (what?), she's gon' work harder. Sara was a big fat copier, and not the kind that the hunky Xerox man can fix. Furonda was a fool, and the judges finally took notice and sent her home. Four girls remain! It's like a Top Model pack of Hershey's Miniatures, and my favorite, as always, is the Special Dark.
And before we begin, I have two shout-outs. One is to my new best friend Lauren, who designed this website that I mentioned in a recap, and who is getting ready to field the write-in campaign for the production of the newest Garbage Pail Kid, Putrid Potes. The second shout-out goes to all the mothers of the world, and particularly my own, Mama Potes, who is awesome, and whom I wish you all could know because of said awesomeness. On that note: the present's in the mail, Mom. And, of course, to myself, the mother of Miss Itty, who left me the present of a giant pukey hairball on the Turkish tapestry covering my couch.
And now, down to business. We are in Bangkok. Jade tells us that she was in the bottom two at the last elimination and is frustrated to be in back in that same old position where, according to her, she doesn't belong. "What is going on?" she asks. Oh, Jade, please believe that we are asking the same thing when we look at the final four and see your haggard mug. Jade explains to us that Tyra says Jade thinks she knows more than the judges. Jade doesn't know where the judges get all their crazy ideas. Likewise, I'm sure.
Meanwhile, in a random cobbled-together subplot / judging rationale, Danielle says that she and Sara were chilling in the pool, and notes that she is concerned that her southern accent will affect her standing in the competition. She tells Sara that she tries to listen to herself speak, and that she's noticed a tendency to speed-talk. Danielle says that she needs to start speaking slowly. She interviews that she's lived in the south all of her life and that's all she knows, so it's difficult to hear Panel say that they don't like the way she speaks. Yeah. But, see, there is a difference between, say, a Blanche Devereaux slash Julia Sugarbaker southern accent and, well, Danielle. I love the girl, but she's got a little Boomhauer in her. Sara says that Danielle can speak properly when she thinks about it. Danielle interviews that she's a southern country girl. Eh, just get the girl a voice coach and she'll be fine. Plus, I would listen to a southern drawl over Nicole's twang a thousand times over. Sorry, Midwesterners, but you know it's true.
Meanwhile, newsflash: Sara got discovered at a mall. I know, I know. How could they let the whole season go by without mentioning this? And then, out of nowhere, comes Ninja Stealth Bitch Joanie to say that, while she thinks that Sara is a very beautiful girl, modeling isn't her real passion in life. To which I say: finally, a girl with some sense. Joanie says that modeling is her passion, as well as Jade's, Danielle's, and The Christ's. Finally, the secret revealed. Back in the pool, Danielle asks Sara whether it pisses her off when people say that she doesn't want or deserve to win because she was discovered in a mall. Sara says that it's upsetting because it implies that she's not giving her full effort. She interviews that she's just as deserving and wants to win as much as everyone else, and whether or not they want to believe that is up to them. Joanie.
Tyra Mail! "Don't worry about how, just know why. Go see if you learned anything." It does not take a rocket scientist, or even a half-wit, to decipher this clue, and the girls all immediately know that they'll be heading on go-sees. The day, they go to a temple, which Jade describes as, "The most beautiful temple I've seen...up close." This is not the same reaction that people have when they see Jade's face up close. At the temple, the girls meet designer Pichita Rucksajit, whose English is even worse than Danielle's. Pichita says that she's a former model, and that she is there to teach them some Thai customs. These include taking off your shoes when you enter someone's house or office, and smiling all the time so that people will like you (national slogan, put forth in commercials by Susan Olsen: "Turn that frown up-Thaied down"). Joanie says that she thinks everyone understands learning Thai culture is important, but she doesn't think that anyone else is taking it as seriously as she is. Oh, go stick yourself in a can of baby corn.
Pichita says that she's set up go-sees for the day, and if Top Model has taught us one thing, it is the definition of a go-see. And you said Tyra Banks never contributed anything to popular culture other than yet another spectacular pair of knockers! The girls will be judged on their adherence to Thai customs, general appearance, model book, and runway walk. Pichita says that it is customary to bring a gift to someone. I want to live in Thailand and receive lots of visitors! Today the girls will have to bring gifts to their go-see designers, and they'll each get 2500 baht ($65 US) to buy said gifts. Pichita gives each of the girls a map and their model books, tells them to be back at their final location by 4:30 PM, and wishes them luck. Who needs luck when you're really pretty? In other words, Jade will require the well wishes. Jade interviews that Pichita really stressed to them that they needed to be back at 4:30 PM. Foreshadowing! And usually, when there is a particularly poignant bit of foreshadowing, they cut to a commercial, but not this time. Drat, I wanted a break.
The girls head to Montien Market to buy their gifts. It looks like a colorful place, and Danielle says that there's stuff everywhere. Jade buys some fake flowers. Danielle gets miniature elephants, and thinks that the designers will appreciate them because elephants are significant in Thai culture. Sara gets some sort of little pretty boxes, and, after she pays, turns around and says, "Oh, my God, I am an idiot. Where is my book?" Sadly, it's at the last store where she bought her gifts. I hate when things go well for them. Sara says that it was not a good way to start the day. She explains that once she got the gifts, she ran out and got into her tuk-tuk, which is like a little open-sided cab. And no, spellcheck, I really didn't mean to say that the girls had to travel in a "tic-tac." Jade says that if it was up to her she wouldn't have "chose" to ride in the "toot toot hoot hoot hoop hoop tut tut hoopty;" she would have had something with windows and doors. I'm sure Jade's brain says that same thing all the time. Though I must confess, I love the word "hoopty," and the fact that she said it made me love Jade a little.
Sara says that she's never been on a go-see before in her life, so the fact that she's doing her first in a foreign country with a time limit is a little intimidating. Danielle says that she isn't good with directions and isn't good with maps, and is terrified that she's going to look up and see a sign that reads, "Welcome to Korea." I'm sorry, but Danielle is the best. There's just no question. Danielle encourages her driver to get going, and quick.
Sara gets to her first go-see, and says she's confident that she'll adhere to the Thai social customs. She then adds somewhat mysteriously that it's one thing to have the knowledge in your head, but another thing altogether to do it in the moment. Designer Rai Von Bueren, designer for "sexylittlebeach," says that she loved Sara's gift. Rai asks Sara whether she's had much experience. Sara says that she's just starting out, and Rai notes that twenty-two is quite old to be on your first go-see. Sara says that her nerves made her a bit stiff, and Rai agrees.
With a little over three hours left, Joanie reminds us that today is all about time management, and that it's going to be a little hard to get back by 4:30. Joanie takes off her shoes at her go-see for Disaya Prakobsantisukh, creative director of "Boudoir." Disaya says that their collection is all about Alice In Wonderland, and in particular the tea party scene. Oh, my God! My other Garbage Pail Kid name is totally Treacly Tracie! However, even my sticky, viscous Kid doesn't have to suffer the ignominy of having to wear a giant scary animal head to complete its lingerie ensemble. You can call it whimsy all you want. I say it's fucking weird. Joanie says that she liked wearing the giant scary animal head because no one could see how dumb her face looked. True, but on the flipside they could most certainly see how thick your body is. It's like they always say: the froghead adds ten pounds.
Jade shows up before Joanie is finished, and Joanie worries that Jade might try to copy her. Now, now, you're not that good that you need to get a complex about it, honey. Jade deadpans, "I don't know if lingerie is Joanie's market." Burnt like a "Disco Inferno," particularly given Joanie's strippered history. Jade continues that Joanie doesn't have a lingerie body at all, but Jade does. Jade is a chipmunk at the Boudoir tea party. Without a doubt, she is Dale. Disaya says that she liked Jade's look, but had a problem with the fact that she didn't smile and seemed kind of moody. Jade tells us that as she shows up at the go-sees, she is ever aware of the time, so she paces herself and is always "calculating in [her] mind." That calculation goes something like, "Four hours minus two go-sees = Potato salad."
Danielle go-sees Yui Jongnarangsin, director of "Tube," and gives him her elephant gift. He has to ask her to take off her shoes. Bad times. He looks at her portfolio and says that it's very nice. Danielle says that at least her southern accent doesn't affect her go-sees. With under two hours left, Sara goes to see Yui, who asks her to walk gentle but strong. Sara says that she needs to rock the challenge and prove that she wants to be there. And then, who should walk in but Jade, who says that Sara seemed a little tense, and mocks her walk. Sara says that it was intimidating when Jade walked in, and adds that she's not sure whether she has time to get back to the final destination at 4:30. Ruh-roh! Jade walks for Yui, and interviews that she loves it and is having a good time.
With forty-five minutes to go, the girls are still go-seeing. Danielle confessionalizes that it's hot and humid outside, and asks, "Do you know what that does to a black girl's hair?" If it makes it look anything like Jade's hair, she has my sympathy. Rai says that Danielle is very beautiful, and that she likes her attitude. With about twenty minutes left, Danielle gets a tuk-tuk and asks to be taken back to the hotel, which must be final destination. Danielle tells her driver to be speedy, and not to pass Go or collect $200. Wouldn't it be awesome if she was actually driven by Rich Uncle Pennybags? Skilled driver or no, the girls all hit a major snag: the crazy Thai traffic. Everyone is stuck, and each girl is in a tuk-tuk as time runs out. Commercials.
When we return, Pichita is waiting. Sara and Joanie are about fifteen minutes late, and Sara notes that Pichita was angry. Pichita says that they'll wait for Jade and Danielle. Danielle comes in at around 5:05 PM and apologizes. Meanwhile, Jade says that the most important thing for her is to see all of the designers. She meets Kai Kawtong, designer for "Kai," and walks for him. Meanwhile, it's suddenly 5:40 PM, and Jade finally turns up at the hotel. Danielle says that it was hilarious to watch Jade come in with her big sunglasses, trying to look all incognito. Jade interviews that the other girls glared at her when she came in and that she was like, "Bitches, please." See, she is kind of amusing. Pichita scolds the girls, and says that punctuality is huge in the modeling profession. She also notes that the designers were her friends. Well, good for Pichita. Pichita says that the designers see huge potential in Sara, but she was a bit stiff. Danielle had a good runway walk, but the designers feel that her general appearance is not strong. Danielle interviews that she'd like to see them after they've been blown around in a tuk-tuk all day. The designers loved Jade's overall look, but they felt that she wasn't as nice as the other girls. Jade says, "I wish they would have said 'Jade really has supermodel status talents.'" Oh, the third person supermodel status talents that we all dream of. Joanie's only critique is that she didn't stand out. Ouch.
Pichita says that the winner would have received two racks of clothing from all the designers, including herself, but since they were all late, she's sending the clothing back. Ha! I love hard-ass Pichita. She says that if they were on time, Danielle would have been the winner. Danielle feels the pain. Eh, should have left earlier. In all fairness, though, I haven't been on time for a single thing since 1989, so I would have been in the same position. Danielle ogles the clothes and realizes what she has lost.
Tyra Mail! "Does this competition ever get so difficult that you want to say 'Phuket?'" Oooh, a risqué Tyra mail! What kind of a trend is this? Soon they'll just read, "Push, push, in the bush! Lez be friends. My place, 9:00. --Tyra." Danielle explains that, rather than sounding like the f-word, the proper pronunciation of Phuket is "Poo-ket." Sara looks up Phuket in her book about Thailand and discovers that it is known for it's diving and snorkeling. This is cause for celebration. Joanie says that Phuket is, "like the best tropical location ever," and says that it's like the Miami Beach or Rio de Janeiro of Asia. The girls once again fly graphically in their purple-winged Top Model plane, looking fierce through the windows as they suck on the holey ice cubes.
Once they arrive, Sara says that she had a really bad day on the go-sees, but in Phuket the stresses of the competition disappeared for the time being. I hear that, because I also always find that being in a setting in which a global tragedy occurred is just as good as a deep tissue massage. Jade says that she's dying to go to the ocean, because the water and Jade mix. Atlantis is all, "You can't pawn her on us that easily."
The girls arrive at their villa, which is customarily gorgeous and near the ocean. Danielle says that it's the most beautiful place she's ever been in her life and she doesn't want to leave. Sara says that she can't believe the competition is going to be over in a week. She also interviews that everything there is wild, and that she needs to show how much she wants it. The girls talk about how Sara's destiny was sealed by that fateful visit to the mall. Or, as we will soon learn, not so much. Then all of a sudden, Ninja Stealth Bitch Joanie reemerges and interviews that she feels very annoyed with Sara because modeling isn't her passion. Joanie says to Danielle that Sara was very close to being a lawyer, and interviews that if Sara hadn't have been picked out in a mall, she wouldn't be there. And she wouldn't have been scouted in a mall if she weren't really tall and pretty, which really makes her a lot more deserving than some of the other fug bastards we've seen this season. I don't see what the problem is.
Joanie says that she feels like a bitch, but the girls are competing for something that will change their lives. She doesn't say it in a very articulate manner, however, which leads me to think that Joanie might be drunk, or at least high on painkillers to address her recurring phantom snaggle syndrome. And just as Joanie starts to slide down the scale of bitchery, in swoops Danielle to remind you that someone in this competition is awesome. She says, "I can't focus on her situation, I have to do me, so brush it off and keep going." Danielle is not about the trash talk. Joanie then says that this whole issue hit her now because, "[Sara] copies off of me." If you want to sound like you're in the third grade, that particular phrase is an excellent starting point. Joanie says that she's going to start doing things wrong on purpose. Oh, please do. Joanie still doesn't think that Sara should be there. I expect, "Go back to the District of Columbia if it's so great," to be carelessly tossed out, but instead we head to commercials.
Meanwhile, Season 5 winner Nicole went to Paris to shoot with creepy Gilles Bensimon. It's amazing that she has done, like, two things in her entire modeling career, and they've managed to stretch those out into eleven My Life as a Cover Girl commercials. Oy.
When we return, there is Tyra Mail in a coconut. As always, delicious, but high in fat. Tyra Mail reads, "The competition is getting dirty. Now it's time to take a bath." But before we can get to this scintillating shoot, we are treated to a Very Special Visit from Tyra. She is wearing the worst teal-colored extra-clingy Victoria's Secret matching halter top and gaucho pants, and the ensemble makes her look HUGE. Seriously, it's like Nell Carter was like, "I got nothing to do today, I think I'll go say hello to the Top Model girls in Phuket!" Those pants are also riding high. As my friend Miriam likes to say, "Judy's in jail." My mom's name is Judy, so I don't like to think about that too much, actually.
Tyra takes the girls outside and gives them a lesson in recent events. She says that Phuket is beautiful, but was also the scene of the tsunami. We get a few photos of supporting evidence, and I am pleased to say that they aren't the expected ones of Tyra looking fierce in a bra as a city lies in shambles about her. Tyra tells the girls that every country has a story, and it's important to respect the history and culture. Jade says that the whole thing was very emotional for her, but she's a soldier and so held it together. Danielle, however, is very moved. Tyra says that she doesn't want this day to be about sadness, but rather about celebrating the fact that Phuket is rebuilt, and is now safe and beautiful. Tyra leads the group in a moment of silence for those who did and did not survive the tsunami. There's something about Top Model even acknowledging tragedies that just feels so wrong. The girls discuss their history lesson, and Danielle seems particularly affected by it. Joanie says that thinking about the tsunami made all the tensions and petty squabbles between the girls disappear for a minute. But, really, only for a minute.
The girls ride on a boat and meet Jay Manuel, who says that today's shoot will be for (the now defunct) ElleGirl and Amp'd Mobile, America's first wireless entertainment provider. In an extra-special surprise, the clients are there. Sara says that she feels extra-pressure knowing that. Jay tells the girls that the shoot will be a real spread in ElleGirl, and Danielle yells, "Shut your mouth and say it ain't so!" Actually, it isn't so. Since ElleGirl folded, I don't know what will happen with the photos. Also, Amp'd Mobile users can download the images to their cell phones. If you have done this, email me immediately so I can give you a list of all the more worthwhile things you could have bought with that $1.99, and then proclaim that you are dead to me. The girls will wear OP swimwear, which is super-cute. The girls briefly meet the two clients, and then head off to wardrobe. Danielle waxes philosophical about the water that they're posing in being the same water that destroyed so much.
Jay introduces the girls to their photographer. He says that it's someone with a discerning eye, who is opinionated and a tough critic. It is Nigel Barker. If Jay had added, "and also has a touch of the skeeze," I totally would have guessed. Jade interviews that Nigel is the one person who does intimidate her. Well done, Nigel! Jay says that Nigel knows all their strengths and all their weaknesses. We cut to the girls and then back to Jay and Nigel, and I shit you not: Jay's right nipple has been exposed due to high winds and a low v-neck, and has been pixilated like so many Janice Dickinson asscracks before it. My theory on this is that either the show is trying really hard to make us think that it's sexy and cutting edge and that we're missing out on something big, or else the nipple was holding up a little sign that read, "THE ORANGE IS RISING! SEND HELP AND PROVISIONS!" Nigel tells the girls that he's going to take no prisoners today. Except for maybe a Dirty Sex Slave Nipple Prisoner. Too hot for UPN!
Joanie is first to shoot. She has a wicked-cute swimsuit. She says that they're in the final four and they really have to shine. Oh, I covet the swimsuit. The waves are really rough, and Joanie gets knocked around a bit, and also gets wet a lot. Nigel says that Joanie did very well, and adds that although the environment may look great in a photo, you often don't realize that the conditions are less than ideal for modeling. Sara watches Joanie with a keen eye. Joanie jumps up and gives Nigel a big full-body hug, and he says, "It's good to be a judge." Hey, is that a snaggle in his pocket?
Sara is , and her stomach makes me long for my especially skinny youth. Man, is it flat. Sara says that there were many stressful aspects for the shoot, what with the clients and Nigel being there. The creative director for OP says that Sara's facial expressions weren't necessarily connecting with the camera. Nigel says that Sara still isn't comfortable with herself, despite what the judges have told her. Joanie agrees, because she has an opinion on everything Sara in this episode. Nigel tells Sara to relax her face, and she starts doing better. She tells us that she re-centered herself and refocused. Nigel tells Sara that the last shot was very pretty, and Sara reminds us in an interview for the infinityeth time that she's just as deserving to be there as everyone else. Meanwhile, there is some product placement with the phone thingamabob.
Jade is , and she says that she loves swimwear shots. The OP guy comments that she definitely has the body for it. She actually does have a really good body. Jade stands on an old rickety boat. I wish that I could have written "Jade has rickets," but that isn't really what happened. Jade says that she was nervous, because the boat was rocking around -- but she went up there and did it anyway. She looks kind of awesome, I am sad to say. Nigel says that sometimes taking risks pays off, and it definitely did for Jade. Jade won Nigel over because she modeled. Jade interviews that she's been waiting for this opportunity to shoot with Nigel, because he makes people fierce. Jade gives him a high-five. Uh-oh.
it's Danielle's turn, and Nigel tells her to think happy thoughts. If she wants to follow this advice, I would suggest that she not look down at her love handles. Danielle interviews that it's hard for her to get past the fact that people died on the spot where she's standing. Nigel tells her to think of all the good things in the environment like the warm water and the beauty , rather than the things that will get her down, because it will show in her eyes. Nigel says that Danielle is too conscious of her surroundings, and that's where it falls apart. He tells Danielle that they want natural beauty, and that there are different ways of modeling for different clients. Basically, he doesn't want her to sex it up too much. Danielle gets creamed by the waves. She interviews that she was frustrated about her shoot, and tends to be her own worst critic. Again, read the forums, people.
The girls leave Phuket and arrive back in Bangkok. There is Tyra Mail. Someone is going home. Jade says that the eliminations suck, but that's reality. No, that's dramality. Danielle is nervous about her photo because she couldn't focus in Phuket. She adds that the judges also hate it every time she opens her mouth. Danielle then confessionalizes that if the other girls think she's a definite pick to go home because she has a southern accent, she loves for them to doubt her because she gets to prove herself, because when she shows up and shows out, it's a wrap. Dude, I think she's been hanging around Jade too much. Commercials.
We enter Panel with a swimsuit shot of Tyra that has been Photoshopped to the point where it's practically a matchstick wearing a tiny weave. Judges, prizes, yadda yadda. Disaya Prakobsantisukh of the scary tea party animal heads is the guest judge. Tyra says that the girls went on go-sees, and notes that the Polaroids that are taken at go-sees are very important. Nigel says that, with retouching at the forefront of photography, Polaroids have become the big thing, so that clients can see what they're really getting. Tyra says that she has two booties -- her real booty and her booty in pictures. And her real booty equals two of her picture booties, so maybe she actually has three booties. In any case, the Polaroid pictures from the go-sees will comprise the judging test for the week.
Danielle is first. She looks kind of nervous. According to Nigel, her close-up go-see photo is okay, but not great. The Polaroid in the designer clothes is also underwhelming according to Twiggy. Nigel asks Danielle whether she was comfortable in the designer gown. Danielle says that she was, but she let the whole tuk-tuk experience affect her. Miss J. says that Danielle should have been full-on modeling while she was there. Danielle says that she remembers thinking that she was tripping. Danielle's swimwear photo is noticeably absent of love handles. Nigel says that she's more comfortable with over-sexy shots than with her natural beauty. He says that it's easy to think of the Sports Illustrated look when you're modeling swimwear, but in this case the client -- ElleGirl -- wanted something softer. Tyra says that she has a rule: men's magazine, legs open and straight to camera; women's magazine, turn it a little bit; men's magazine, arch the back; women's magazine, hunch the back. In other words, men want you to look like a nubile nymph, while women want you to look like you have osteoporosis. We get some of Tyra's photos to illustrate. Nigel says that Danielle is modeling to women, not men.
Sara is . Her Polaroid makes her look shy and modest in her street clothes, and amateur in the designer clothes. Sara's swimwear photo is fantastic, according to Twiggy. Disaya also says that she looks great in the swimsuit. Nigel notes that Sara found it very difficult to relax. Tyra asks Sara whether she knows how to smile with her eyes without moving her lips. Sara tries, and Tyra studies her for a moment before saying, "...uh-uh." And then, the great and powerful eye communicator that is Tyra Banks shows us how it's done. It's kind of like this: not smiling: oo. Smiling: oo. You guys, modeling is stupid. Nigel says that even in such a comfortable and beautiful environment, Sara just didn't let go.
Jade is . She has positive, strong body language in her Polaroid, but she could use a smile and a bit of warmth. Twiggy agrees, and notes that Jade comes across as a bit intimidating. In the designer's clothes, Jade has a bit of a softer look to her. Tyra notes that none of the girls won the go-see challenge, which is a Top Model first. Tyra notes that Jade was the latest of all. Jade says that if it was up to her, she would have ridden in a cab. The judges are so through with her already. Miss J. asks Jade whether she thinks she would have gotten there on time had she been in a cab. Jade says not necessarily, but it would have been more comfortable. Tyra is all, "Bitch, please." Jade's photo is gorgeous. Miss J. says that it's horrible, but then admits that he's just kidding. Honestly, the shot is pretty great. Tyra critiques Jade for her stiffness, but Nigel tells the rest of the judges that the boat was rearing and rocking like a stallion horse, and that it was amazing that Jade kept her serenity throughout the shoot. Nigel, I hate to tell you, but that's not serenity. Nigel says that he saw a whole new Jade when he worked with her. Awww, Jade has a fan!
Tyra commends Joanie for her modelesque appearance. Joanie's Polaroid in street clothes shows her great face and bone structure, according to Nigel, but her posture in the designer clothes is weird. Twiggy loves Joanie's swimsuit photo, but I have to say I actually don't think it's that great. Disaya says that when she met Joanie she didn't think that she'd have a variety of looks, but this photo is beautiful and different. Miss J. loves it, and says that Joanie looks younger. Notice that no one said this to Jade.
We get a quick commercial, and we learn that Danielle is the Cover Girl of the Week. Huzzah!
Back from commercial, the judges deliberate. Twiggy says that she loves Joanie, and that the proof is in the pudding, or in this case, the picture. Or the Twiggy figgy pudding. We won't go until we get some! Nigel says that Joanie's biggest problem is that she only has one look. And also, perhaps, that her jaw is not symmetrical. I mean, have you really looked at it? Tyra was impressed with Joanie's European appearance at Panel. Disaya likes Danielle's face, but not her pose. Tyra says that the pose is a bit too provocative, and then voices over (in the manner of a voice over recorded well after the episode was filmed) that she's still concerned about Danielle's speech. She can't do a Cover Girl commercial speaking the way she does. Sara has a great body according to Disaya. Miss J. says that he loves tall girls, but in the end, Sara may not be the girl that they need. Nigel says that Sara has a great body for swimwear, and that she is learning, moving, and changing. Jade looked upset and tired at the go-see, according to Disaya, and Twiggy still hates her attitude. Nigel says the thing is that Jade knows how to model, and that's invaluable. The judges do this cheesy staged thing where they all point to a photo and say, "That girl should go home." Twiggy actually says, "Her...should go home," and the judges laugh. Miss J. says that Twiggy has been around too many black folks. Perhaps he could have handed her a bucket of chicken right then in lieu of a rimshot.
The girls return, and Tyra gives photos to Joanie and Jade. This leaves Danielle and Sara in the final two, with only one photo in Tyra's hands. Sara is the most improved girl there, which mostly means that she sucked at the beginning. However, the judges aren't sure whether she's improved enough. The judges still struggle with Danielle's speech. That's it? Really? They didn't even save that for the Cover Girl Commercial episode? Hm. Danielle gets a photo, with instructions to speak better. Sara hugs her fellow contestants and Tyra and goes on her way back to the land of dignity. Sara talks again about being found in the mall and people questioning her desire to be there. She says that modeling is creative and artistic and allowed her to show a different side of herself. She was just trying to find a cute shirt at the mall, and has ended up as the fourth baddest bitch in America. Well done, Bird. Well done.
Coming up: Top three! Two will make it past a Cover Girl Commercial and face off on the most exotic runway ever. Who will it be? Don't look in the spoiler thread if you really want to know, because you sure as hell won't find the answer there.