Warren Tricomi salon! Tyra tells the girls that it is a day of transformation. Foreshadowing rears its short-haired, dyed-blonde head as Jade interviews that she needs long hair because, in the fashion industry, long hair sells. There will be a photo shoot immediately after the makeovers to capture the girls' new looks. Tyra introduces the "masters" of color and style: Joel Warren, colorist, and Edward Tricomi, stylist. Edward Tricomi looks like Iggy Pop. There's also another guy there, but I guess he made a joke about coloring Tyra's hair with barbecue sauce, so he doesn't get a proper on-screen introduction. Also, I am loath to mention this, but feel I must: J. Alexander is standing there with curlers in his hair. He's not even saying anything and already I wish he would shut the fuck up.
Tyra tells the girls what their new looks will be. Kari will get a Bridget Bardot sexy 'do. Leslie will get thicker and more luscious extensions. Sara will have hair that is short on the sides, longer on the top, and Brigitte Nielsen blonde. So scary German lesbian dominatrix mullet, then? Perfect. Sara interviews that she is shocked, because that's nothing like her personal style. Danielle is going to get a long, wavy weave. Brooke is getting Gisele Bundchen hair. Joanie will become more blonde and icy. Nnenna is going bald, and to her credit, she takes this without any sort of shock or whining. Tyra makes fun of Furonda's casting wig and her current real hair, which looks like it was shorn with hedge trimmers. She says that one of her favorite looks was Season 4 Tiffany's long, straight hair, so that's what Furonda's getting. Furonda thinks this will be good to give her positive energy. It worked so well for Tiffany, after all. At this point, Tyra probably thinks that it is within her power to actually turn Furonda into Tiffany just by giving her the same hair, so she can wordsmith her tirade a little and/or add a few extra tears. Wendy is going lighter. Gina will get an edgier, angled cut to make her more high-fashion and less of the dumb-ass that she is. Mollie Sue is getting the Mia Farrow haircut that Cassandra shunned. Oh, come up with some new ideas already. And last but not least, the stylists would like to make Jade look softer, sweeter, and more elf-like. Because when I think soft and beautiful, I immediately think of the gorgeous bearded creatures toiling away in Santa's workshop or making shoes in their mushroom house. To achieve this look, they're going to go shorter and blonder. Jade takes this as she takes everything: with a grain of insufferable.
Time for the cuts! There is snipping, there is burning of the scalp. Edward Tricomi tells Sara that, when you're a model, anything and everything goes. Sara is all, "I just wanted to get a pretzel at Auntie Anne's and a nail buffer at the Dead Sea kiosk and now I look like the love child of Rosie O'Donnell and Brigitte Nielsen and whoever that guy is who's the tallest man in the world!" Note to young girls all over the world: do not talk to strangers in the mall, especially if they are UPN employees. Jade bitches to Nnenna that the girls in the modeling world who work have the long hair. Way to comfort the one who's going bald, asshole. Furonda says what could really go without saying: that her last haircut was a disaster. She needs something to make her visibly confident, and hopes that the hair extensions will do the trick. Nnenna gets shaved and Mollie Sue gets shorn. A stylist shows Sara many ridiculous ways to wear her apparently versatile haircut. Seriously, it looks crazy. Sara tells Kari -- who looks more like a member of The Carrie Nations than ever with her giant, fluffy banged hair -- that her boyfriend works for a conservative senator and that she guesses she won't be going to the Christmas party this year. While she has nothing to lose, she might as well get an abortion just for the hell of it.