Okay, folks: Potes is on a much-deserved birthday excursion this week and I will be taking the reins of this week's recap.
Previously on ANTM: Cassandra decided to leave the show rather than cut her hair again, announcing that she would go back to pageants (with that cut, she should sing a song from Oliver! as her talent). Sarah's crush on Kim was what prevented her from keeping her balance while wearing a Mata Hari get-up and standing on a revolving turntable. Sarah was eliminated. Only nine hos to go!
Kim reflects on being in the bottom two with Sarah. She's really glad that she didn't leave, but wonders "sometimes" if maybe Sarah deserved to stay more than she did.
Diane produces a camera and says that the girls should take a picture. Everyone is very excited by this idea. After a few cute sorority-girl party pics (question: why is it that women, in numbers greater than one, think that it is necessary to lean into photos? Kyle, there's room for you in the frame. Chill out and stand up straight), Jayla has a great idea. So, great, in fact, that her statement is subtitled for us, though she is standing on a table above the other girls and 100% intelligible: "Let's take some topless ones." First of all: girls, you are all going to hear those words again. Also, you know Jayla was just working her way up to the Full Monty so she could get a peek at Coryn's she-nis. Well, they all have their tops off faster than Lisa can down a fifth of Grey Goose. (Would someone please tell Lisa that trucker caps went out with Katharine Hepburn? Like, they died then. Don't wear one.) In her interview, Diane laughs that "these girls are crazy." Nicole, Lisa, Bre, and Jayla are standing on a bench with their boobs in their hands as Diane sort of arranges where they are standing. Jayla must have tiny hands, because every time you see her holding her chest, it's still blurred. Maybe she's holding everything but the nipple. Diane says, "Oh, damn, this is getting serious." I don't really know why. No one was serious. I'm assuming it's because the girls posed in such a way that a boob would be hidden by another girl's arm, creating breast-to-other-girl contact. Diane apparently don't play that. It's well-documented, though, that Kim absolutely does. Where the hell is she? Re-watching Bound? Lisa reveals that she likes to have a good time and that they were being crazy. Nicole formulates a theory about why Diane was taking the photos: Diane didn't want to be in the photos. week, Nicole cures the avian flu. The last set-up of this impromptu photo romp is on the stairs, where all girls finally make an appearance, though Kim, Kyle, and Nik have their tops on. Diane tells them that she wants to see sexy. We all want to see sexy, Diane. As she's taking the pictures, she voice-overs that she is different from the other girls, what with her curves and all, yet she is competing with the skinny girls. Right, so take off your damn top and pose, woman! For real though, I can't think of a competition with these girls that you could more handily win. Unless maybe it was firefighting. I have a feeling Diane could be a really bad-ass firefighter. Diane takes the final shot and shows the girls the results (the camera is digital), saying, "Kim, you look like a pimp." Bre is super-comfortable with being topless.
“ Jay explains how important Twiggy was to the fashion industry, since her thin figure was very different from those of the working models of her time. I know you can gauge culture with fashion and that's fairly important to anthropological studies, but Jesus, Jay! Twiggy is not Charlemagne. ”
, Lisa asks if we want to see her "secret bag." She's scaring me. She totally looks like Amanda Peet if she were playing Aileen Wuornos. Lisa shows Nicole the contents of the "bag." It's what you'd expect: liquor and cigarettes. Nicole asks if she can have a swig of vodka, and Lisa says, "No. I actually don't want to share it with anyone." Then, we're on the deck, where Lisa is telling Diane to stand in the mirror and make faces she is not used to making. Then, in an interview she conducts while wearing Jody Watley's old earrings, Lisa explains that she "tries to help the girls" because she wants the competition to be good. That's a very game attitude and I'm sure the producers love her for it, but I don't believe her. Only the villains in Ashley Judd movies do that thing where they respect their prey and that nonsense. Lisa's just trying to justify all her drunken blathering. (And, no, people, I never wanted to have to reference Jody Watley. For anything.) , Coryn is summoned to the throne of Lisa. Diane tells Coryn that "LisaMom" wants to talk to her. That makes me feel a little queasy. Kim is looking on, bored. Coryn appears while someone is brushing her hair from behind. She will only stick her head out of the door to see what Lisa wants. I guess she did this because she doesn't want to look like she's following Lisa's orders, but her odd positioning makes for a really unflattering shot. Having her hair frizzed to hell and backlit makes her look kind of evil. Lisa proceeds to tell Coryn that she needs to stop working out or she's only going to be a "sports girl." She's unnecessarily bossy and Coryn is really defensive. Kim starts drooling, she's so bored. Coryn says, "Why would I listen to somebody I'm competing against? That's just stupid." Good point, Coryn. However, you look like Skeletor. You gotta listen to somebody sometime. In an interview, Coryn repeats Lisa's criticism and says, "Whatever, I was working out last night."
Tyra Mail! Nik opens it: "Pluses and minuses -- Who says models can't do math? Be ready at 12:00 PM." Then, the girls discuss whether they are good at math or not. Do they...really think they're going to be doing math?
The day, the girls are driven in that white Humvee limo thing to Smashbox. Lisa blows a weird kiss to the freaked-out limo driver as they are walking in. Jay Manuel tells them that Smashbox is the home of L.A. Fashion Week. The girls are not impressed. He continues to explain how important Twiggy was to the fashion industry, since her thin figure was very different from those of the working models of her time. I know you can gauge culture with fashion and that's fairly important to anthropological studies, but Jesus, Jay! Twiggy is not Charlemagne. She's a footnote to a chapter of pop culture, not a pillar of Western civilization. He's acting like she invented breathing or something. Diane says, "Yeah, I know who Twiggy was. She was the supermodel who changed the whole skinny industry [sic]." Then, she arches an eyebrow and laughs. That was some unclear communicating. I guess she was dryly making a joke because Twiggy is skinny and Diane's larger, but it was really weird. She needs to loosen up. Jay proceeds, saying that nobody is perfect and thatyou have to learn to turn your flaws into assets. And, Twiggy is going to help them do that. Twiggy comes out and says it's nice to see the girls close up. She seems really sweet. I like her army green jacket. Kim does, too. She says that Twiggy is a role model for her, and that it seems that Twiggy genuinely wants all the girls to do well. I'm going to take this time to say that, though I know there is some major hate abounding for Kim in the forums, she can be really freaking gorgeous. Sitting on the sofa at Smashbox, she is incredibly hot. This is compounded by the fact that she is sitting to Lisa, who is wearing that fucking trucker cap and knee-high boots. Now, Lisa looks like Taylor Dayne. Why is she making me do this?
“ Bre announces, 'By the time I'm twenty-five, I have a comfortable household name.' Your name is already a household name. I love it with a cracker and a hearty Shiraz. ”
Twiggy tells us what her flaws were at the beginning of her career: she was too skinny, too small, and her ears were too big. She kind of looks like what Baby Spice will look like in twenty-five years. She tells how she was discovered. It sounds like a super-famous hairdresser decided to style her. Then, she was photographed by a super-famous photographer and sent to work. She says her point is that you have to work with what you have got and "be true to yourself." Funny, what I took from that story was: if you have flaws, you had better be friends with the people who would be hiring you if you didn't have flaws. She's still sweet, though.
Bre has a question for Twiggy: how can Bre translate her runway confidence into her in-front-of-the-cameras persona? Twiggy asks her if she is comfortable in front of the camera. Bre's reply is that she wants to be a legend. Huh? That's not the answer to the question. Also, don't say stuff like that, you twit. Bre normally seems pretty fun and nice, but that is such a bizarre thing to say. Cut to an interview with Bre, in which she announces, "This is what I want to do. So, that at least by the time I'm twenty-five, I have a comfortable household name [sic]." Your name is already a household name. I love it with a cracker and a hearty Shiraz. Also, "comfortable" embarrasses me when you use it in that context. Twiggy tells Bre that she's making a mistake if she is just thinking about fame. She should be in the moment. That is generally pretty good advice, but why else would you model? It doesn't seem to be enriching in any way other than the superficial.
, Diane has a question. In condensed form, because her sentence-making is not so good, Diane is worried that she will look like a ho if she enhances her curves. I guess that's not so much a question as a concern. Twiggy tells her not to worry about looking like a porn actress, since the camera "sees deep into your soul." Diane drifts, apparently thinking, "Shit, the camera is going to see that time I slept with TeeTee's boyfriend." In an interview, Diane poses this dilemma: "It is one thing to see someone curvaceous and voluptuous like myself. It is another thing to put that to use." Winston Churchill couldn't have said it better himself.
Jay instructs that girls to give Twiggy a hand, and then introduces the owners of Smashbox, Dean and Davis Factor. Jay gives the girls a questionnaire on which each has to write what her negative is. As well, they have to write what the other girls' negatives are. Just to make sure no one pulls any punches -- not that they would -- Jay says that the questionnaires will be anonymous. In an interview, Kyle says she thinks Lisa will be the most critical, while Jayla thinks Coryn will be the most offended by the critiques. As they are filling out the questionnaires, Lisa says she's honest, and the other girls are all, "We know." Lisa is drunk right now.