| Season 20 | Episode 1.1 | Aired on 08.02.2013
In this episode, the 26 finalists get to spend a day in the model house and participate in their first official photo shoot before ten of them get the axe. We start to suss out who gets on whose nerves, and who does or does not have a romantic partner at home. Tooch/smooch/hooch rhymesmith Don does have a girlfriend, though he doesn't particularly act like it. With all the beautiful models in the house, he says, he doesn't want things to get "misconscrewed." I bet.
Virgg, who is transgender, tells us that she's doing hormone replacement therapy, which basically crams all of puberty into a year. It's very physically difficult, and Virgg starts questioning whether she's strong enough to make it through a season of the show. In a really lovely display, everyone is completely kind and caring and supportive of her -- even the straight dudes, which she says comes as a surprise. They all want her to push through, and several cite her as competition or say that she deserves a spot at the top.
Tyra and Rob show up to give some advice to the girls and guys, respectively. Rob's focuses on telling the dudes to keep their bodies tight, while Tyra doles out dating tips. She's wearing a '60s beach bunny wig, which is her best hair look of the two-hour premiere. What is up with those other janky wigs? Up your game, Banks! There ARE still people watching this show, believe it or not.
And then we have Chris H. He wants to make friends and influence people, and decides that the best way to go about that would be to put on boxing gloves and go on a cock-punching spree. It turns out that dudes don't really like that. Phil finds it particularly objectionable, and Chris H. becomes even more ostracized than he was before the cock-punching began. We eventually learn that his difficult past with a neglectful mother has led him to behave in the socially awkward manner that cock punching would indicate, and Nina befriends him and gives him some solid advice about how to stop annoying the piss out of people. (Step 1: No more cock punching.)
The photo shoot for the week has the models projected onto a 50-foot building as they pose in leather outfits. Fans and passersby get to cast votes for them via text, which allows the models to accost strangers on the street as a vote-getting strategy. There is a little good and a little bad, and we learn that Jourdan -- despite being cast as one of the most conventionally attractive women there and a frontrunner -- has self-confidence issues resulting from her brief marriage. The true highlight of it all, though, comes when Clea and her lisp says, "Somebody significant." It's like a little nugget of gold.
There is drama between Jourdan and Jeremy, whereby he has kind of a crush on her, and she has a boyfriend, but also likes the attention he's giving her, but is also eventually a bitch to him. Cory does not have the patience for it, and neither should we. Oh, and Marvin calls home and cries as he tells his janitor dad how much he loves and appreciates him. Emotions!
The judges deliberate, and before the final decisions are announced Virgg asks to talk to Tyra. Just as we feared, she drops out. Tyra isn't mad about it, though, saying that Virgg has to take care of herself and her health. Let's hope that she comes back with more physical strength and a new name in a season to come.
Finally, we learn which sixteen models will be competing for a spread in Nylon, a contract with Models, and a $100,000 national campaign with Guess. Paul Marciano, Guess CEO, shows up to give them a nod and to be in the audience for a very special runway show to come in the episode. The final sixteen are: Alexandra, food truck Mike, Renee, Cory, Jourdan, Don, Jiana, Christopher S., Chlea, virgin Jeremy, Nina, Phil, Bianca, cock-puncher Chris H., Kanani, and Marvin. Square-jawed plumber Delten cries, because he's sad to miss the opportunity to humiliate himself further in front of the masses. Old-looking Adam is also sad. There are no girls crying, I guess because footage of whoever didn't make it to the finals was cut completely from both hours of the premiere.
And then right before we go, the models learn that they'll be participating right then in a Guess fashion show. The twist? The runway starts at the top of a giant building, which they will have to walk down like Spiderman. If Cycle 20 is the season where someone finally plummets to his/her death, I will certainly give every episode an A+ grade!
We enter hour two of the premiere with a reminder of… DUDES! And wigs. Bad, bad wigs. There is much celebrating amongst the semi-final 26, and Marvin tells us that he's wanted to be a model ever since he was a little kid. He's hoping that he'll be somebody's Rob Evans, or Marvin Cortez to somebody. I mean…isn't he Marvin Cortez to everybody? Marvin is adorable, but perhaps not the sharpest tool on Schneider's belt. Anyhoo, Bryanboy tells the 26 contestants not to get too comfortable, because ten of them will be sent packing soon. But first they get to run through the house and stake a claim on beds. Cory tells us that he wants to see what the girls have got, and that they'd better not put him in heels or he'll put their walks to shame. If he becomes the first contestant ever to appear on both Top Model and RuPaul's Drag Race (not counting Raja, who was Top Model staff), I will buy him the eyeliner of his choice.
Renee pinpoints Jourdan as her major competition, and then we get to hear a little about Phil's background. He's always struggled with money, and has been couch surfing for some time. He misses his girlfriend Zoe, who is a fashion designer, and who invested in him when he was homeless. He wants to prove to her that he was worth the investment. Phil: more serious than he first appears. Also: very happy to have the access to free food. Alexandra tells a few of the girls that she's getting her business marketing degree, and extols the virtues of hard work and empire-building. Tyra ought to like that.
Alexandra is getting on Jourdan's nerves, because she doesn't seem genuine. The pot just said to the kettle, "What's up with all that soot?" We get to hear more about how Marvin's dad is a janitor, and how Marvin doesn't want to let his dad or his brothers down. As a first step in making the family proud, he's macking on all the girls. So is Don, who says that even though he has a girlfriend the temptation of all the beautiful ladies in the house is tough. He adds, "I just don't want it get it miscon-screwed." Or DOES he. I'd say Freudian slip, but I think he's just not clear on certain basic vocabulary points.
We get a little footage of Nina dropping her hula hoop in the pool. She tells us that since she's the quirky edgy one, the blonde girls aren't her competition. Rather, her competition is Virgg, who has been killing it and is a beautiful woman. Virgg talks about her lack of modeling experience with Cory, then tells us that her sex reassignment surgery is scheduled and she just started hormone replacement therapy a month ago. What hormone replacement therapy does is cram all of puberty into one year, leading to some up and down emotions. And, I'd imagine, some crazy pimples. Cory interviews that Virgg is dealing with stuff that not everyone will understand, but deserves to go to the top because she's beautiful. Virgg cries, and tells us that she's trying to push through even though physically she feels weak. She's afraid she won't be able to deliver on the shoots, and doesn't want to let Tyra down, especially since Tyra hand picked her as part of the Instagram contest. Tyra will never have to pull an, "I have never in my life yelled at a girl like this!" maneuver with Virgg, at least. (Side note: How have I never seen this before?)
| Season 20 | Episode 1.1 | Aired on 08.02.2013
Shenanigans aplenty are happening at the model house when Tyra shows up, replete in an Annette Funicello beach bunny ensemble and wig. There is much screaming, and several girls tell us how lovely she is. Nina's spin on this is that she looks like an alien, but the most beautiful out of this world alien. Aren't aliens by nature out of this world? Tyra says that the modeling industry is ruled by women, but there have been hot men a plenty who have broken through - e.g., Tyson Beckford, Marcus Schenkenberg, Boris Kodjoe, and our very own Rob Evans. Oh sparkly, sparkly, beautiful Rob. He's on hand to help all the models, but especially the fellas from whom it's more difficult, understand what it takes to make it in the industry. Tyra says that she's of course there for everyone too, but especially the girls. She wants to teach them how to avoid committing a Top Model female crime, namely being overshadowed by a guy. If Janice were still here, she could teach them how to avoid the crime of coking yourself up so badly that you fall off of a runway and into a famous person's lap. Nah, who am I kidding, she'd totally just be molesting the dudes. She's been gone for, like, 15 seasons, but never forgotten as long as I am able to draw breath.
The group separates via gender, with Tyra going with the girls and Rob with the boys. Tyra talks with the ladies about the advantage that female models have -- basically, more things to sell. Guys can only sell underwear and shoes, though they do so with aplomb. We cut to Rob telling the guys that modeling is always about the female, and men are just accessories and mannequins. He used to hate that, but then realized that rules can be broken. Rob is charmingly quasi-humble as he says that he blew up to the point where he was making more money than some top female models. Don then takes a moment to tell us that he's not concerned with the male competition -- he's looking out for the ladies. He's an aspiring rapper and notes that that's helped him with his confidence, which will be a benefit for modeling. Something tells me that Don didn't actually need MORE confidence, ever.
Tyra then tells the ladies that they'll be modeling with the guys, and while sexuality and sensuality is important, she's not looking for porn. She wants women to wish that they WERE the models in the photographs, and guys to want to be with them. And not how people wish they WERE porn actresses, because I think that is comparatively rare. We then learn that Renee, sick of this sexy, sexy world, has chosen to be celibate. She's not here to meet prince charming, she says. Still, she didn't seem all that reluctant taking a piggyback ride from Mike earlier. But I digress.
| Season 20 | Episode 1.1 | Aired on 08.02.2013
Back with the boys, Rob notes that it's easy to get caught up in a world of beautiful women and free food and drinks, but it's important to work out and stay healthy. You don't really see "fiercely real" male models, after all. John Goodman for Balenciaga! If you have the best body and take care of yourself, says Rob, you will work. Nina then asks Tyra if she has a boyfriend, and she says she does not. That is because she has minions. But the lack of a proper relationship won't prevent Tyra from giving retro, Rules-y dating advice about how men love the thrill of the chase and want women to be like fast antelopes. Or something. With that, Tyra and Rob leave the models to their vacant cheers.
Oh boy. And then Chris H. tells us that he feels very genuine about being there, whatever that means, and really wants to get to know the guys and girls in the house. And so, like you do when you want to get to know people, he puts on some boxing gloves, then proceeds to go and cock-punch four of the dudes who are standing by the pool. Chris thinks this is a funny joke of hilarity but the others -- namely Phil, who earlier even admitted to possibly being bisexual -- are not amused. Even Cory interviews that Chris, who is one of the oldest contestants there, needs to grow up and stop running around hitting people in the balls. He adds, "Thank God you didn't come to me," which makes me wish that he HAD in fact gone to Cory. A group of dudes confronts Chris about how whack this behavior is, and he points to another boxer in the crowd for support. It's the Staten Island guy, who is like, "Do not bring me into this, Rocky Balls." Chris tells us that it's something he used to do when he played sports, and he tells the other guys, "We were just having a good time." This outrages Phil, who then gives Chris an impromptu right hook to the testicles. And judging from the smile on Chris's face, this is just what he was looking for. I think the kid just likes being punched in the balls. Nina summarizes that Chris is rubbing people the wrong way, but he's cute, and people shouldn't judge before they know his story. Have I mentioned that Chris is running around in boxer briefs this whole time?
After a break, Chris H. sits outside while the others buzz about Cockpunchgate 2013. Jeremy points out the irony of it all, which is that Chris H. hasn't said a word to anybody since they got to the house. He speaks through fists, that come in contact with balls. While Jeremy sets a goal of getting Chris sent home (despite the fact that his own testicles remained unmolested) (also way to be a bully, formerly bullied kid), Chris tells us that he's been misunderstood his whole life. But people don't know where he came from, he says, or why he's the way he is. Let's just hope that he doesn't try cockpunching Kelly Cutrone, since she seems to be a staunch ally.
| Season 20 | Episode 1.1 | Aired on 08.02.2013
The contestants head to their photo shoot, where they meet Johnny and Bryanboy. Johnny tells them that for this shoot, which is in the heart of Hollywood, they'll have their images projected 50 feet onto the building behind them so passersby can see and laugh. Bryanboy nits on about the importance of social media, and says that people walking by can text their votes for the various larger-than-life projected contestants. Assuming that no one is going to stand there looking at these clowns for three hours, it seems like those shooting during times with higher foot traffic have quite an advantage.
As the contestants get their hairs and makeups did, Jeremy tells us that the cutest girl in the competition, to him, is Jourdan. How predictable! These two dullards deserve each other. Jourdan tells us that Jeremy is very nice and respectful so she feels comfortable around him, but she has a boyfriend back at home and isn't looking for any male attention. Meanwhile, Renee and Cory bond over being multi-racial, and she extols her love for him as he says in middle school kids called him "Cory-O the Oreo." Kids, man.
And then the shoot begins! Food truck Mike is up first, shirtless but wearing a leather vest. It's his first shoot, and we're reminded about how Tyra discovered him and brought him on the show even though he had no interest in modeling. Alexandra thinks that's not fair. Please do not make me give this bitch a lecture about how the world is not fair. As Renee shoots and looks a little Stephanie Mills meets Iman, Jourdan says that this beauty queen is one to watch out for. Nina shoots and then wrangles up votes from strangers on the street. Mike likes it, and tells us that Nina is crazy in a very good way. Phil is up , in silver rock star pants. And whatever, he looks awesome. Jiana tells us for the millionth time that she wants to bone him. US TOO! We get it! We get a glimpse of Daniel and then it's time for Chris H. He's struggling a bit, and Johnny tells him not to squint so much. Chris is being thrown off by the cock-punching aftermath, but with some more direction from Johnny he gets his game together. Don tells us that even though no one really likes Chris, he's got great features and is legit competition.
Kanani is up , looking gorgeous and elegant, and then we have Cory in a fishnet shirt. Alexandra theorizes that Cory is great, but his downfall is going to be his inability to look masculine in photos. Cory himself tells Johnny that he's going to keep trying to butch up. Then we have Jourdan, who tells us that her ex-husband of less than a year wasn't very nice to her, and the emotional damage and verbal abuse took a toll on her self-esteem. Johnny approaches Jourdan, saying that she seems to be holding back, and she admits to us that she was nervous with all the passersby watching. After giving more direction, Johnny tells us that he doesn't understand why beautiful girls have self-esteem issues. Try being a lady for one day, dude. He tells her to be strong, but she doesn't seem to be improving.
| Season 20 | Episode 1.1 | Aired on 08.02.2013
Delten is , and Johnny tells him that his expressions are all the same and very safe. However, old ladies on the street love his crop-top leather jacket! Delten hopes that he'll never have to go back to plumbing, saying that he'd dread it. Things are about to get REALLY depressing for him and his two-head in about twenty minutes, then. we have Virgg, who gets some encouraging words from Johnny before she shoots. She tells us that she's feeling kind of dizzy, but is trying to bring it. She wants to stay and doesn't want anyone to think she's a quitter, but her own health issues are taking a toll on her.
We whip through Adam, who is asked to have a stronger face, and Jiana, who skanks it up a little. Alexandra and Don seem to do a passible job, and as will come as no surprise, Don is out charming the votes from ladies on the street. Chlea gives us some commentary on the situation, and it's the first (but not the last!) time we get to hear her Cindy Brady lisp. And speaking of, Chlea poses and then tells us about how girls on the street were looking at her in awe, like she was "Thomebody thignifithent." Full disclosure: I watched that moment at least 300 times. It's partly the lisp, but mostly that she thinks the word is "significent." One time I went on vacation and met a really amazing and affectionate cat named Susan who had a deviated septum and purred and drooled constantly and my impression of her speaking voice sounds EXACTLY like Chlea. "Thomebody thignifithent" is TOTALLY something that Susan would say, too.
Meanwhile, Jeremy and Jourdan talk together to some folks on the street, after which Jourdan takes the opportunity to tell us that Jeremy is a little lost and follows her around like a puppy dog. "I think it's adorable in a way," she says, showing that there's a stone beeyotch under that dull exterior. Jeremy is up and seems to do a passable job, though Phil tells us that Jeremy's mom signed him up for this whole thing and he doesn't even really know what he wants to do. He also is lacking confidence, which may be related to his virginity. We see Caress for a hot minute, and then Bianca, who is the object of a little crush from Mike. He thinks this is interesting since he's the oldest and she's the youngest. I don't know if "interesting" is the word I'd use. Chris S. -- the non-cock-punching Chris -- seems to do a fine job, though Cory tells us that because he's such a wee little thing he really has to overcompensate with his posing.
| Season 20 | Episode 1.1 | Aired on 08.02.2013
Marvin is , and Johnny remarks on his reptilian features. Marvin tells us that both of his parents are from Honduras, and he wants to be sure to represent them well. He tells us how he has no plan other than to be on this show, adding, "I mean, people are asking, how are you gonna pay your rent? I don't know. But no one knows. And that's, like, life. You just don't know." I…actually DO know I'm going to pay my rent. It's called a job. While sadly true for a lot of folks, I don't think Marvin's statement is all that broadly generalizable. Anyway, that's a wrap.
Back at the house, Cory, Jeremy, and Jourdan sit by the pool. Just for fun, Cory puts a big spoon in the cauldron of shit and starts stirring, asking if anything happened between the two of them. Jourdan is quick to say they're just friends, but Jeremy interviews that Jourdan is the prettiest one with the best personality, adding that they're just friends "so far." God, could you imagine if you lost your virginity in the Top Model house? I feel like you should just get instant spiritual chlamydia for that.
As Jeremy insists in a very mature way that he doesn't LIKE-like her, Jourdan tells us that she feels bad for Jeremy and his sad, misguided feelings for her. She wants to make sure that they're on the same page about being friends. To this end, she tells him that it's obvious that he likes her a little bit. Jeremy says that he's just a flirt, and then Cory interjects to say that Jourdan wouldn't be bringing any of this forth if she didn't have feelings for Jeremy. Jourdan doth protest too much, and then we get an eye-rolling interview from Cory in which he says that Jourdan just loves to have all the attention on her. She doesn't make us like her any more by saying, "I'm a model. Like, I know that I'm obviously attractive. Of course guys are gonna hit on me and flirt with me. It's just natural." Is it natural for someone to punch her in the throat? Maybe Chris H.?
She then exclaims that Jeremy follows her around everywhere, which pisses him off and makes him leave muttering that he doesn't follow anybody around. He wonders why anyone would bother being nice to girls when they're just nasty in return. And this is how the 40-year-old virgin is born. Cory then goes on about how they're both beautiful creatures and shouldn't try to fight it, and Jeremy yells at him to stop while Mike looks on and cracks up.
The day, models get ready for elimination and Marvin makes a call to his awesome janitor father, who cleans toilets and never complains. Marvin is trying to be America's Top Model, while his dad is just trying to be in America. He tells his dad that he misses him a lot, and his dad says that all he wants is to know that Marvin is okay. And then Marvin cries as he tells his dad that he never felt close to him growing up, but now gets it, and understands the sacrifices he's made. He's happy to be his father's son. And wow, Rob totally facilitated an emotional breakthrough! He is magic, with muscles.
| Season 20 | Episode 1.1 | Aired on 08.02.2013
And then we're back to talking about how weird Chris H. is. Mike says that he's ruining the whole dynamic in the house, and then Chris tells us the groundbreaking news that he's actually very socially awkward. I never would have guessed from the time when you PUNCHED OTHER DUDES IN THE NUTS. Though honestly, given how little I understand about men, someone totally could have sold me on the idea that guys do that all the time, like a handshake of sorts. Nina, who was there to see the nut-punching in close-up live action, decides to be kind and try to help Chris to fit in a little bit.
She sits down with him and tells him that he needs to open up to people. She wonders if there's something that makes him so guarded, and he shares that his mother never told him that she loved him, and he was often neglected. His mom also moved a lot, and he was never able to establish connections with other kids. He says that he doesn't want to be the guy in the corner, and she tells him not to be. Nina adds that she's not giving up on him, but he can't be secluded and isolated. Chris appreciates her advice to get to know people, but says he doesn't know how to do it. I know how not to do it. Spoiler… it involves nut-punching.
While some of the guys find creative ways to work out given that much of their equipment is broken, Marvin and Virgg have a talk. Virgg says that this is the first time she's really had conversations with straight men other than her family. Marvin is glad that Virgg is who she is, and tells her that he doesn't want to see her go. Virgg is surprised at how open minded the guys are overall. And I mean, male contestants on America's Top Model might be something of an irregular sample pool. It's still amazing and thrilling, though. Virgg continues her internal debate about whether or not to stay in the competition, and we see Delten lounging around shirtless and telling her not to give up. Cory also really wants Virgg to stay, both because her story is going to affect so many people and because she's straight up fierce. And she just seems lovely all-around.
With another round of cuts coming up, we see the contestants all packing their bags and then transition to the judges reviewing photos and deliberating privately. They talk about Chris H., and Johnny says that he was overthinking things on set, but eventually they got a photo. The judges of course were not around for the cock punching, so this does not factor into their decision. Alexandra has fight and tenacity, according to Tyra, but Kelly says she looks like she'd be modeling for a car company at a trade show. She is not wrong! Jordan is gorgeous, but Johnny says that she's very unsure of herself in front of the camera.
| Season 20 | Episode 1.1 | Aired on 08.02.2013
The fans loved Danny, but he seems to be shrinking in the competition. Rob likes Marvin, and thinks he has potential and a unique face, though needs work. Kelly says that he has a dork factor, but maybe not in a good way. When it comes to Virgg, Johnny says he loves the idea of having a transgender contestant, but the hormone therapy is making her sick and it's hard to tell how long she can hold out. The judges talk about Nina, and Kelly says that amongst a field of beautiful girls, Nina looks like Kurt Cobain's illegitimate daughter. She can't take it. Johnny LOVES her though. And with that, the judges have chosen their top sixteen!
The bus with the contestants gets to the locale where the final sixteen will be announced. Before things get going, though, Virgg asks to talk to Tyra. She's feeling weak, and really questioning if she can push through. Virgg tells us that she doesn't want Tyra to be upset with her, and doesn't want to let her down after Tyra has given her this chance. She meets Tyra in her dressing room, where she is fully regaled in crazy makeup and a fluffy white robe. And…did Tyra have some work done? Her face looks very, very tight. Maybe it's just good genetics.
Virgg tells Tyra that she's sorry, but didn't realize how stressful this was going to be. She doesn't want Tyra to be pissed at her, and wants to leave on a positive note. Tyra says that she's proud of Virgg for considering her health first. She's done a lot of research about hormones, and understands from Isis that it's like being early-pregnant but crazier. Tyra holds Virgg's face and tells her how beautiful she is before saying that she hopes one day to photograph her and have her on Top Model again. Oh, I hope so too! If it could happen with Angelea, we certainly can see Virgg in Cycle 24. After the deed is done, Virgg cries and tells us that everyone has been so kind to her, which is something she doesn't usually experience. Oh no, now I'm crying too! Though it's hard to give up on something that she wants so badly, she knows that focusing on her health is the important thing.
With Virgg out, the models show up at a venue that's set up for some sort of fashion show, and Tyra walks out to their ecstatic screams. She gives an overview of the prizes: a spread in Nylon magazine, a contract with Model Management, and a $100,000 national campaign with Guess. Everyone is stoked about the Guess contract, because they all secretly want to be Anna Nicole Smith. Even the dudes! Immediately after this cut, the final sixteen will be appearing in a Guess fashion show. If that's not scary enough, they'll be walking for Guess CEO Paul Marciano himself. Who, were it not for the suave Italian accent, would look just like some regular overtanned creepy old guy on the street.
| Season 20 | Episode 1.1 | Aired on 08.02.2013
With that, Tyra calls the first name that she's going to call: Alexandra. Food truck Mike is called , followed by Renee, Cory, Jourdan, Don, Jiana, Christopher S., Chlea, Jeremy, Nina, Phil, Bianca, Chris H., and Kanani. There is only one named left to be called, and it's between Adam, Delten, and Marvin. And of course it's Marvin! He's just so… pliable. Marvin vows not to be called last again, and says that the pressure he puts on himself is equivalent to the sacrifice his dad made for him to be on this show. His dad is now probably the one who walks into a different apartment building so people don't realize his son is on a CW reality show.
Oh, and then. Raindrops keep falling on Delten's head as he tears up and tells us he doesn't know what he's doing after this. He needs a j-o-b job. Adam is also sad, and says he's going to take this situation and make the best of it. We'll see him all over the place, he says. We won't be able to miss him. Well, we definitely won't be able to miss the long, lingering shot of him putting his face up to the skies and bawling.
With the losers out of the way, Tyra congratulates the top sixteen. She says that they embody the dream that she had when she founded this show ten years ago and her agent told her it was a stupid idea because models are vapid and insensitive. Note to Tyra: he meant YOU. In any case, Tyra announces that the top sixteen are now going to star in an amazing Guess fashion show. The runway ends where they're standing. And it begins… at the top of a giant tower just adjacent to the runway. They have to walk down the building like Spiderman! And the previews tease us that someone might plummet to his or her death. Best season ever!?!?
week: Hahahaha, it's raining, too!
Potes is somebody significent. She can be tweeted @traciepotes, or emailed at potesypotes@gmail.com.