By Potes
First, let me just say: You guys, I don't even know anymore. If it was Tyra Banks's end-of-season goal to make us feel like we'd entered some sort of altered reality -- a really, really, really dumb one -- then mission accomplished. So, the whole episode is kind of told via flashback (to things that happened mere hours before the runway show), but the actual content of the episode is very similar to finales past. The three finalists have a shoot with Nine West, a company that happens to be a client of Kelly Cutrone. As such, Kelly is very, very, VERY involved with the shoot, and gets a little too up in the photographic grille of Jez Smith. They have quite a mutual smackdown, with Kelly micromanaging, and Jez snittily asking her if she'd like to take the photos herself, and each accusing the other of being rude, and both being right (and wrong!). Producers get involved, and eventually it is determined that Kelly is the boss in this particular situation, and from then on Jez shuts it. All of this fighting happens while Laura is having her photograph taken, and she feels that she has gotten shortchanged and cries about it a whole bunch.
There is also a photo shoot for Nylon, in which Leila flashes her crotch and is deemed the most Nylon-esque of all the girls. During the shoot, the girls are surprised by visits from their families. And yes, this includes Laura's soap opera actor dad and rather desperate, scene-stealing mother. Leila's mom is totally mellow, while Kiara's grandma is completely adorable even while being a huge fan of Tyra Banks.
And then there is the runway show. Sooooooo, it all happens in Rose Hall, which is an allegedly haunted mansion whose "mistress of the house murdered husbands, lovers, and any woman whose smize rivaled her own." (Note: in the actual legend, this crazy lady slept with and murdered slaves, which makes this whole scenario even more fucked up than it was to begin with. Also: voodoo.) There is a really priceless short film to introduce the runway show, involving Tyra as narrator and Rob as a hot guy and last cycle's winner Sophie as the ghost who kills all the other models and makes them ghosts too, or maybe zombies, just to get in the pants of Rob. And then we find out who Bloodyface is. (Tyra, obvs.) And then Tyra makes the fashion show audience put on scary masks and utters the words, "Now their spirit bodies must take to the runway to reclaim their mortal smizes." Subsequently, I heard a popping sound in my brain, which was probably some sort of spontaneous lobotomy.
The fashion show features the models in really over the top Gaga-esque ghost brides couture. Some of the gowns have a collar that basically covers half of your face -- I call them "face collars," which is really catchy I know -- and you know that trouble is a-comin'. The season's eliminated models march in the show (minus Victoria! ALAS!), but the real star is Leila, who falls not once (immediately upon setting foot on the stairway leading to the runway) but twice (immediately upon exiting the runway) due to not being able to see anything over her face collar. Her legs splay out just like a little baby dear. She manages not to fall on her second pass, thanks to the technique of walking reeeeeallllllly slow. Kiara is bar none the best walker and even rocks it with the face collar, while Laura is more or less fine.
At panel, the judges give Kiara the highest praise for the runway show, while Leila has the edge on the Nine West photo and is the favorite of Nylon. And yet it's Laura who wins the whole thing! The judges give each girl a numerical score for their performance over the entire season, which is added to their average challenge score and average fan vote. Laura's 41.2 handily beats Kiara (36.6) and Leila (35.2) and there are tears galore. And just when you think that Tyra is going to tell Kiara that, even though she came in second, she can have the scholarship money she earned during her challenge victories... she totally doesn't. That's SO Tyra!