A-Fed sings "Poison Ivy," a favorite of mine when I was little, and he's simply terrible. This wouldn't have gotten him to Hollywood, I'll tell you that much. No Golden Ticket for you. Which is too bad, because he's going home. The judges uniformly hate it, except for Paula, who is nonsensical.
Scott sings "On Broadway," and apart from some push notes that he can't really hit due to the usual shortness of breath, it's fantastic. Probably the best he's ever done. Damn him. He even looks better, relatively, than he has previously. Guess somebody got scared. The judges, sadly, are forced to agree.
Vonzell sings "Treat Me Nice," kind ofhorribly. I mean, I know she'll be okay, and even on her worst night she's still adorable and great, but it's just not good to hear -- the required range is a little beyond her, and transposing it so she can hit her pretty high notes still means that the lower parts are nearly silent. Yuck. The judges tell huge lies, because she's got to be in the Final Three or Elton John will start the race riots.
Bo sings "Stand By Me" somewhat listlessly, but it's good. He has such a lovely voice. He looks really nice this week too, especially after last week's dreadful monstrosity. The judges agree it was a good idea, so much so that the dead-eyed performance isn't so much an issue. I agree. Even better is how that they don't feel the need to talk about how hardcore he is, and just compliment him for things they should.
Carrie sings "Trouble" adorably and robotically, and her voice is really on for the majority of it. Carrie is not so much an evil, tortured honky-tonk barfly, obviously, but it's fun to see her try. I like this, even though she's wearing a black half-slip over her jeans. What the hell is that about, exactly? The judges overlook the weird outfit for the most part, beyond lifting the half-slip the better to kiss her ass more effectively.
On the second run-through, A-Fed sings "Incomplete," by the reunited Backstreet Boys, a song I've never heard. Well, in one way. In another way, we've all heard it before. He does a better job with this one, since it's in his yelly-ballady-cheesy-love song wheelhouse, and pretty much perfect for him. Which makes the bad notes all the more painful. The judges, to their credit, are regretful about telling him he's going home. Simon's nice about it, but then, like, boy bands are his life.
Scott sings "Every Time You Go Away," by Brian McKnight, and again, I'm not familiar, but I kind of really am. Man, I love Brian McKnight. Scott thanks his fashion coordinator for making him so very fucking "appealing." It's not great like his first song, there is a flatness, but it's still better than he has been. Damn him. The judges love it, and give him a long leash as far as thinking he's great, although Simon delivers a smackdown about the flatness and the ego-tripping that is somewhat wonderful.
Then Vonzell sings the Tsingle, "When You Tell Me That You Love Me," and it's nice, but, like, what the hell she's thinking, singing a song that we already heard fifteen times this season? There's a certain sophisticated humor at work here: You know what I'm going to sing? The #1 single I, um, sang. It's boringly lovely in exactly the way that this song is lovely, though, so it makes up for before. Randy calls it "perfect," Simon doesn't, and begs for votes, and Paula calls it "overbearing," but she means it as a compliment, because she doesn't know what the hell that word means.
Bo sings maybe my least favorite song of the last year, "Heaven" by Los Lonely Boys, and is Bo some more, which means that it's awesome again, and his voice is pretty much flawless again, and he looks like Charlie Manson and Neil Young had a very hairy, very talented baby. Which is, if you think about the way people act around him, exactly what he is. The judges are not immune to the wonder of Bo, of course, and love him. He turned the disinterest from the first song into what the people call "comfortable."
Carrie finishes up with "Bless the Broken Road," so I'm two for five as far as knowing this week's Top 40, and that's including the Vonzell cheat. Maybe if this show weren't on all the damn time I could spend some time with the radio. The song is awesome, as a song. I wouldn't buy it on a CD, but I would sign the person that wrote it. Good call, whoever. The judges love it, and Simon calls her "robotic," all of a sudden.
To review: A-Fed looking like he wandered in from outside and accidentally got onstage, then being pretty awesome, but still going home. Scott singing all awesome and sounding fantastic, twice. Vonzell screeching, then singing a song that haunts my nightmares, but still being beautiful and great. Bo singing perfectly and without any feeling whatsoever, then singing the biggest pothead song in the universe, and perfectly at home doing it. Carrie being a kitten being a tiger some more, and then singing the ultimate Carrie song. Hey, if you see my sense of suspense lying around, email me. I seem to have misplaced it.