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Randy's all, "Listen, it was better than last week." Just like last week, they explain that he's never, ever been as good as in his audition, which from what I've seen is true. And, of course, drink, because it was "pitchy in spots," but at least this time that's obviously true instead of whatever. "Please stop singing Stevie Wonder songs, it's too hard," they say, and I'm paraphrasing, but not by much. Paula just knows "the best is yet to come," and that at least he was marginally better this week. Simon agrees with the other two, not to mention me and I'm guessing David himself, saying that he has "left whatever sparkle you had behind," and hasn't "brought it to this part of the competition." Simon and Randy single out in particular the beginning, which was utterly rough, and they warn him that there are guys who are vastly better than him in the competition, and he can't coast forever, and honestly I think that was the final nail right there. Randy mentions that it's a competition (I love when he does that, because it always seems like a total PSA), and Ryan hopes he'll be able to come back next week. Now that David's not "acting," I like him again. You can tell it hurt, though. Nice boy.
Ryan says, "He quit his band to do the show," and there's the fear. Right there, because I know what's about to happen. Cut to effing Constantine, looking drugged out and smarming into the camera about how he "likes to live life a little dangerously and this [American Idol, you mean? Really? Snapping your head back and forth all sassy and ill-mannered like that? Really?], this is as dangerous as it comes, you know, people might not think so, but trust me�" and even though there was obviously more to that sentence, even the editor has had enough, and we cut to the performance.
Well, not exactly. Because I have a few things to say about a certain show I like to call Elimidate. Yeah, I'm going there. Because I can only do the whole Cider House Rules thing with Constantine, all, "I hurt because I love, and because it makes you tough," for a certain amount of time before I just admit that I hate his ass and enjoy this part of my job more than any other. Not that I was fooling anybody but myself.
In the hierarchy of reality TV, there are some truisms, number one being that The Amazing Race is good and everybody should watch it. I like The Amazing Race and Big Brother because I would be good at them, so that means to me personally that they are for awesome people. Then there's Survivor, at which I would totally suck, which means to me personally that it is for losers. But that's where it stops being all YMMV and starts getting real: Fear Factor is for people who want to be on TV so bad that they will eat a bug. The Real World is for people so pointless that they cannot even bring themselves to compete for anything in particular: the bug that they eat is their own dignity, but because they are all emotionally and sexually prepubescent, it's only the dignity equivalent of a lower-back tribal butterfly tattoo. Regrettable, but nobody's really going to blame you for it, because you clearly were living in the Now, back when you got it. Many years ago.