2. "No Ruben." Following up a song titled "Sorry 2004" with a song titled "No Ruben" is just really asking for trouble. If there's a song titled "This Album Sucks," then these folks have nobody to blame for any bad reviews. It's like they're baiting the critics. This is an upbeat R&B/gospel/hip-hop-tinged shout-out to Ruben's family. The title means that if it weren't for Ruben's mom and family, we wouldn't have Ruben. And then Clay would have been the American Idol, so I'm about as grateful to Ruben's family as he is. The song has that level of self-absorption I find annoying in a lot of pop and hip-hop. I'm glad Ruben loves his family and all, but I'd rather be left out of the group hug, thanks. The reverse is also true: I'm really not interested in listening to Eminem rage against his mom. The appropriate place for such songs is as at family and school reunions, or in therapy.
Unforgivable lyric: "From listening to Fred Hammond to hanging out with Fred Hammond." Did Fred tell you, "Get that cross out of your mouth, you idiot"? I'm not going to pretend that I knew who Fred Hammond was until about five minutes ago (he's an R&B gospel singer), but having heard a sample through the magic of the internet, I wish I were listening to him instead.
3. "How Can You Mend a Broken Heart." One of these songs is not like the others�Ruben sounded nice when he sang this during the competition, when the theme was "The Bee Gees," but it just doesn't fit on this album. Plus, I think Ruben's original performance was better -- this one has too much warbling and a touch of breathiness.
Unforgivable lyric: "How can a loser ever win?" Try not losing so much.
4. "Take the Shot." What we have here is the theme song if the studios ever greenlight Space Jam 2. It's an upbeat song about taking risks with love, so there's going to have to be a romantic subplot in the movie. The song's actually about the girl making the first move (on Ruben), so I kind of like the sentiment, even if the extended sports metaphor makes me roll my eyes. I can picture the plot now, based on this song. A women's college basketball star has the hots for a local musician (played by Mekhi Phifer, as required by law), but she's afraid that she's too much of a tomboy to talk to him. However, when the aliens return for another attempt to conquer earth, she's the only one who can help the Looney Toons team win the game. And in the process, she discovers that the musician is drawn to who she really is, not what society expects a woman to be. Although, in the end, it doesn't stop her from getting all dolled up for their first date -- but it's because she wants to, not because it's what society wants her to do.
Call me, Warner Bros. We'll do lunch.