By M. Giant
Being somewhat new to this gig, I've been wondering how they were going to fill two hours with a bunch of yeses and nos. I should have known that it would involve several minutes of emotional, over-edited montage footage of the very emotional, overexcited contestants before the titles even roll. The judges come out, with Randy in a zoot suit and tie with the shirt untucked, and then Ryan enters dressed like Steve Jones but with a holographic pocket square, stepping out between the couch-bleachers on the stage that are holding the thirteen guys and twelve girls who are still in this competition. Ryan tells us that there were more than 33 million votes last night, some of which might even have come from living human beings using their fingers. Ryan gets boos for breaking the "news" that half of the contestants on the stage will be leaving tonight. Yes, I feel bad for the twelve contestants who will be out of the competition, but since half of 25 is 12.5, most of my sympathy is reserved for whatever hapless semifinalist is destined to be bisected.
As Ryan and I have explained, the top five male vote-getters and the top five female vote-getters will move on, to be joined by one wild card singer to be chosen by each judge. And thus the lucky top 13 will be chosen. But not until after the break. So then what will they do after the break?
Coming back. Ryan starts with the guys, calling Chase Likens, Phil Phillips, and Jeremy Rosado front and center. Chase calmly explains that he's barely keeping his composure, and Jeremy admits that his heart is outside his chest. Phil just gets to mumble a bit, but that's all he has to do to get cheers from the audience at this point. We get some clips from Tuesday night of their performances and the judges' comments, as well as some new ones from Interscope chairman Jimmy Iovine, who is sitting in front of a monitor in a green room somewhere. Jimmy says Jeremy's probably the nicest guy, and has a good voice, but it's going to take more than that to win (translation: Jeremy is fat). Jimmy says Chase is a good-looking guy, but "you have to bring something fresh, original, and exciting, and I saw none of that." Wow, is there an actual judge in the house? As far as Phil Phillips, Jimmy says he'd sign him on the spot. So it sounds like it's win-win for Phil: he either stays in the competition tonight or he goes and gets an Interscope deal. The judges are given a chance to react to Jimmy's comments, and they take the chance to soften the blow. Ryan starts out by telling Jeremy that he hasn't made America's Top 10, so he has to sit down and await the unlikely possibility that the judges will bestow upon him one of the three wild card spots. Ryan tells Phil and Chase that one of them is in the Top 10 -- and it's not Chase. So Phil gets to claim the first stool on the row downstage left. He tries to tease Phil a bit, but Phil all but begs him, "Just keep going."
By M. Giant
Ryan then calls down a group of four of the girls: Hallie Day, Brielle Von Hugel, Hollie Cavanaugh, and Jessica Sanchez. Jimmy compliments Hollie's voice, while saying she "could have been a little more believable." She could start by explaining that accent. As for Brielle, Jimmy has more to say about her hometown of Staten Island than Brielle herself, and thinks she'll get dinged for picking an old Otis Redding song last night. Jimmy has some nice things to say about Hallie, but warns, "Lotta blondes on this show, wow." He seems most impressed with Jessica, whom he would also sign tonight. "She's the one to beat." After the clips, Ryan gives Brielle a chance to respond to Jimmy, but she doesn't rise to the bait. Bring her mom up, then. I'm sure Camille would have some choice words. Jennifer agrees with Jimmy that Hallie may not have been enough of a standout to make the top five girls. Well, Ryan says that Brielle definitely didn't, so she goes back to sit down. Two of the other three did, but not Hallie, so it's Hollie and Jessica that get to walk over and join Phil. Well, this is going surprisingly quickly, and I'm frankly amazed nobody's had to wait in suspense through an ad break.
Coming back, Ryan calls out the judges for whatever discussion they're having amongst themselves. Randy gives a vague answer about the vagaries of life designed to hide the fact that they're currently brokering whom to put in the wild card spots. Of course that answer fools nobody, not even Ryan. The group Ryan calls down is Joshua Ledet, Heejun Han, and Adam Brock. Adam shows off his two hankies and babbles about the nerves and excitement backstage. In the clips from Tuesday night, Jimmy says Joshua is the real deal and is confident he'll get through, but "it's my job to make sure we don't turn it into Sister Act 3." Yow. Speaking of which, Jimmy says that Adam isn't really pulling off the large black woman or white guy aspects of his persona, and he needs to merge them. Sounds painful. We also learn that after his performance on Tuesday night, Heejun said that his dad was his only hope: "He has twenty cell phones and he knows how to dial, I think." Jimmy is just totally confused by Heejun: "This isn't American Comedian, this is American Idol." But Heejun gets the last word, because when we come back from the clip and Ryan asks Heejun what he thought of Jimmy's comments, Heejun deadpans, "Who's that?" Advantage: Han. Heejun does maintain that he's taking the competition seriously, "alongside the comedy." Joshua talks about learning to sing from his soul in church, and Adam admits maybe his "large black woman" comment wasn't the smartest thing he ever said. Ryan starts with Joshua, who has to wait several minutes before Ryan leans in close and whispers, barely audibly, "Top 10." Over to join Phil, Hollie, and Jessica goes Joshua. That leaves Heejun and Adam waiting to hear which of them is in the Top 10 -- and it's Heejun, who gets to go over and hug his old MIT groupmate. Suck it, Richie Law.
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The group is Baylie Brown, Chelsea Sorrell, Skylar Laine, and Shannon Magrane, the last of whom is wearing a dress made for a woman of Ryan's height. Jimmy's quite impressed with Skylar's performance last night and says he would have voted for her. Which is not the same as signing her. Jimmy is surprisingly kind to Baylie, saying she has all the pieces but they didn't come together. "Outta tune? Outta here." He calls Chelsea's performance "Carrie Underwood karaoke," and thinks Shannon will do well, even though he thinks she needed some styling help last night. Maybe tonight, too. She's kind of weeping as we come back, talking about how she doesn't want it to end. Ryan asks Baylie what she would have done different last night. "Eh, sing on key, I guess," Baylie says. Good answer. Ryan also lets Skylar talk about her confidence level -- she does seem like the calmest woman up there right now. Ryan starts with Shannon, taking a pause and then congratulating her on making it to the Top 10. That leaves what Ryan calls the "country girls," and it's no surprise that of the three of them, only Skylar gets to be in the Top 10. Which is good, because I wasn't anywhere near tired of looking at Skylar standing to Shannon.
Back to the guys, and Ryan calls down Aaron Marcellus, Creighton Fraker, and Reed Grimm. Aaron Marcellus cracks his knuckles right into his body mic while Reed wiggles around like the big flake he is. During the clips from Tuesday, Jimmy dismisses Reed as "way too kitschy, way too cabaret. He's not gonna make it on this show like that." Even I know that's not necessarily true. Unlike the audience and the judges, Jimmy didn't care for Aaron's performance on Tuesday, calling it not only cheesy but "Don Cheadle," whatever that means. I suspect it means Aaron should have ditched the hat. Jimmy says Creighton has an "interesting voice," but that it gets screechy up high. I've been saying! "Judges loved him. I didn't." It's pandemonium in the auditorium after that fusillade of negative remarks, and Jennifer suggests Jimmy come to the show. She confesses that live sounds different than TV, and Randy agrees, pointing out that he admitted as much last night. As for Steven, he just gets bleeped, although I think all he said was "Holy shit." They basically defend Aaron and Reed, letting Creighton stand there just waiting to go home. Ryan sends Aaron back to the couches without a Top 10 spot. That leaves Creighton and Reed up there alone, and before they start making out, Ryan breaks the news that Creighton isn't in the Top 10, and neither is Reed. Wow, that's a lot of boos happening in this theater right now.
Ryan then calls up Elise Testone, Halie Johnsen, and Jen Hirsh. Jimmy says Jen has a nice voice, but doesn't have much soul and needs to steer clear of the Adele. He dug Erika, though, admiring her restraint, "something this show needs more of, not less." Jimmy agrees with Randy that Halie's "Sweet Dreams" was a nightmare, and also agrees that Elise did really well, but has to be careful not to blow out her voice because it's going to need to last her a while. Telling assumption there. After the clip package, Ryan reminds us that there's only one spot left in the Top 10 for the girls. Jennifer maintains that she's going to keep pushing Erika (if Erika stays, that is), Elise babbles about her emotional state and level of distraction, and Halie maintains that she has no regrets. Halie doesn't make the Top 10, shocker; and neither does Erika, so it's down to the two who sang Adele's "One and Only" last night. Unsurprisingly, the last female spot in the Top 10 goes to Elise.
One last group of guys: DeAndre Brackensick, Eben Franckewitz, Colton Dixon, and Jermaine Jones. Gosh, which one doesn't belong? Standing in a row like that, they look like a colon to an ellipsis. And finally, here it is: results after the break.
Coming back, Ryan asks the judges to their reaction so far. Jennifer says she hates to see some people go home, but she and the other judges agree with everyone who's been chosen for the Top 10 so far. During the clips from Tuesday, Jimmy says he's glad the judges brought Jermaine back and he's rooting for him. In fact, he goes so far as to say he could listen to an entire album of his voice, which is more than he can say of most people in the industry right now. Jimmy says DeAndre has a lot of potential but needs a coach, and that Eben isn't ready for prime time. He'd like to see him come back, but he can't if he doesn't make it. "They've got to change the rules," Jimmy insists. Wow, did they actually air an authoritative criticism of the show on the show? Jimmy doesn't have much to say about Colton, other than he needs to pace himself. Colton's only response to that is "wow." Eben maintains he loved the song he picked, but promises to step it up time giving the chance. Ryan tells DeAndre that he's not in the Top 10, and DeAndre gets a laugh from the audience by putting his hair back while walking back to the couches. Then Ryan turns to Colton and says, "You are not... going to be disappointed tonight, because you made the Top 10!" Oh, Ryan. One spot left, and it's down to Eben and Jermaine. Eben tries jumping up to match Jermaine's height, or maybe just to kill some time. "I know the feeling, brother," Ryan says. And the last spot in the Top 10 goes to Jermaine, who's already been eliminated once. To sum up, the Top 10 is Phil, Hollie, Jessica, Aaron, Heejun, Shannon, Skylar, Elise, Colton, and Jermaine. Wild cards coming up. I don't think there are enough spots for everyone still on the stage, do you?
We get to hear how hard this is on the judges -- after all, it's their pain that really matters -- before Ryan explains that there are fifteen people left (eight guys, seven girls) hoping for one of the three wild card spots. Six of them will get to sing for one of those spots, and the first one is Jen Hirsh. She doesn't think it "went wrong," yesterday, but admits that she just didn't stand out much. So now she gets to try again, and she's doing it by attempting "Oh, Darling" by the Beatles, which is the exact wrong song for her. You need rasp if you're going to pull that off, and her voice is way too pretty. Bad move. The judges say it was good, but aren't committing to anything until they hear the rest of the singers.
The person chosen by the judges to sing is Jeremy Rosado, who's singing a Carrie Underwood song. There are some technical glitches, like his mic being off when he give his song title, and a camera crashing into something when it backs up, and a distracting shot of Skylar singing along from the sidelines like she's the one singing to survive, but he sounds decent, and then a big long note near the end brings the rest of the top 25 to their feet. He even moves himself to tears, which is always a smart move. Adam and Hallie applaud like they're thinking, "We're so screwed." After Jeremy's done, he begs the judges for a shot and thanks them and God. Jennifer barely collects herself enough to say she believes in Jeremy. Randy and Steven agree that he just did something amazing. Jeremy goes over and sits to Jen. Something tells me they're not going to be spending much time together after this.
Brielle also gets another chance, and she all but tackles Ryan at center stage. She does "Someone Like You," which she probably prepared before everyone got the memo that Adele's a minefield. Brielle sings like she wants it badly, all right, but she's not flawless technically. Her mom seems pleased, though. Steven says, "I just didn't hear it this time." Randy agrees that Brielle may be in trouble. Jennifer just says she deserved another chance and should be proud of herself. I think that just might do it for Brielle.
to sing for a wild card spot is DeAndre Brackensick. He's singing "Georgia on My Mind," because we haven't heard that song enough this season. He doesn't really hit his sweet spot until he goes falsetto on the chorus, but he's taken his hair back down, so he should be okay, and the other semifinalists seem pretty impressed. Randy just says that the "singing for their lives" thing is bringing out the best in everyone, Jennifer agrees, and Steven even says something good about DeAndre's actual voice.
The penultimate shot goes to Erika. She's singing "Edge of Glory" by Lady Gaga, which is a much better fit for her voice than the Heart song she did last night, even if she does interpret it as a power ballad. There are lots of reaction shots from the other semifinalists, and I can't help noticing that the people in the Top 10 are waaay more into it than the ones who are still waiting to see if they're the last person to get one more chance. The judges are quite impressed, and Jennifer's even crying again, almost.
The last person singing for a wild card spot is Reed Grimm. So that's the end for Halie, Chase, Chelsea, Eben, Baylie, Aaron, Hallie, Adam, and Creighton, who had to listen to all this lip service about how he's so unique and such an individual and so special without it ever coming up that he's gay. Ryan ushers them all offstage (although Halie nearly misses a turn, thinking they're doing a victory lap) and calls Reed front and center. My parents must be so relieved; Reed's pretty much their hometown guy; they've seen his mom's show and they've been pulling for him since before the season started. He strips off his outer shirt ("as long as you're stopping there," Ryan says), and sings "Use Me" by Bill Withers. And... what the hell is he doing? Shouldn't singing for your life involve... I don't know, a melody? Or a song that people know? Instead he's doing some kind of scat jazz odyssey, dancing rubber-legged all along the edge of the stage, and pretty much everyone the camera focuses on looks thoroughly confused. Well, if nothing else, he didn't pander. Randy says it was different. Now, when people use "different" as a solo adjective in the part of the country that Reed and I live in, it's a two syllable word -- "differnt" -- and it means "sucky." Jennifer says they thought he deserved one more chance and leaves it at that. Steven says he nailed it tonight. Yes, to a cross. My parents will be so disappointed.
After one last break, Ryan congratulates the Top 10 and reminds us of the six who sang for the three wild card spots: Jen, Jeremy, Brielle, DeAndre, Erika, and Reed. The judges have made their decisions. Randy gets to go first, and he names Erika Van Pelt. She and her family and indeed the whole audience seem pretty happy. Jennifer's pick is, no surprise, Jeremy Rosado, who falls to his knees in gratitude and relief. Ryan squats down with him, because there are only a few minutes left, but there's still time for Jeremy to go hug the judges, Jennifer in particular. Ryan waits for him to get back and claim his stool before turning it over to Steven to announce the last spot: "You can let your hair down one more time, DeAndre," he says. He can't ever just say the damn name? DeAndre is overcome, and we bid farewell to Reed, Jen, and Brielle, who are left awkwardly standing center stage until Ryan belatedly remembers to dismiss them. So there's the top thirteen, and Ryan tells us, "Your American Idol is standing on this stage." Which was also the case two hours ago, so what have we really accomplished? week the guys will sing Stevie Wonder and the girls will sing Whitney Houston, with mentoring from Mary J. Blige. Well, that certainly sounds like a recipe for restraint.
M. Giant is a Minneapolis-based writer with a wife, a son, and a number of cats that seems to have settled at around two. Learn waaaay too much about him at Velcrometer, follow him on Twitter, or just e-mail him at m.giant[at]gmail.com.