By M. Giant
Ryan welcomes us to the lobby of the Vegas theater we've been trapped in for weeks now, telling us that from now on, the contestants are singing for our votes. "This is American Idol." Did somebody say that something else was, Ryan?
After the credits, we're back in the auditorium, where the camera picks out fans holding up signs in support of their favorite person on the show: Mariah Carey? Ryan tells us that the top ten "ladieeez" are singing tonight and the guys are singing tomorrow night, with the results of the vote set to be revealed Thursday night. Either Fox or I need to budget our time better. There's some talk about the decisions being taken away from the judges, not that it's going to shut them up even a little. In fact, Ryan chats with each of them at length, while the crowd keeps screaming every time he mentions Mariah's name. Which makes me suspect she's stacked the audience for this show.
So with five minutes burned off, Ryan brings out tonight's ten singers: Zoanette Johnson, Breanna Steer, Aubrey Cleland, Janelle Arthur, Tenna Tores, Angie Miller, Amber Holcomb, Kree Harrison, Adriana Latonio, and Candice Glover. Hey, I remember almost all of these women! There's a clip plugging the American Idol app, which among other things allows users to allocate 50 votes between different contestants. Wait, is he saying that people are allowed to vote more than once? God, I've been so naïve.
We're starting with Zoanette, who's now got her hair under control if not her personality. She does an intro reel about how great last week was, then comes out and does a version of "What's Love Got to Do With It" featuring alternate lyrics that she's making up and slurring out on the fly. And the sultry vocal on the original is for suckers, apparently. After all, why sound like Tina Turner when you can sound a like a drunk person doing kamikaze karaoke on a dare? But she's having a great time as always, which seems to have served her well so far. She wraps it up with a big, high, loud run of notes at the end.
Keith gives her credit for having fun, but questions her song choice. Nicki warns, "You know I love you," which is always a bad sign, and says that wasn't it. Someone in the audience is swearing loudly enough to get all the audio cutting on and off as Nicki advises Zoanette that being on key might be more to her advantage. Randy says everyone loves her, but it was a mess other than the end. It was bad enough that even he didn't comment on the botched lyrics for once, in other words. Mariah's feedback to Zoanette is about how supportive she is of other singers during their performances, and her Lion King song last week, which is Mariah's nice way of saying that her performance just now sucked. Zoanette has taken all this pretty well. Ryan comes out to remark on her new look, and she answers his question by wiggling her wig. Ryan gives the voting instructions, which are getting longer every season as new ways to vote are invented. In a few years, contestants are going to have to sing their voting instructions just to make sure there's time to cover it all.
Breanna Steer also talks about last week, and about being from small-town Louisiana, and being intimidated about singing on live TV. Tonight she's going with a ballad, namely Beyoncé's "Flaws and All," and is quite a step up from Zoanette in my opinion. She's certainly more subtle, but then so is everyone. Keith appreciates her song choices and control, and suggests she find a song where she can be herself. Nicki disagrees with all of that, saying she sounded like she was straining, and warning Breanna that she's in trouble. Well, now she is, given that Nicki is probably the only judge on this panel that America listens to. Randy says he agrees with himself, but unfortunately he doesn't stop there. He liked it, but thought it was a little safe and lacking in the big moments that are Randy Jackson's crack. Mariah gets what Randy's saying, but babbles about how she doesn't know how they'll get through tonight. I have that feeling every week. Ryan asks Breanna what was going through her mind during the song, and she says she was thinking about someone special. Ryan asks if that person is in the audience. "Yeah, you could say that," she says cagily, but almost yells "No!" when Ryan asks for a spotlight on whoever it is. Which means Hugh Hefner.
We come back to Ryan chatting up Aubrey Cleland in the Coke Lounge backstage, asking what she needs to do to stay. She talks about showing her personality, which I think might be her coded way of pointing out how short her skirt is. She also does an intro reel about last week's contrast to her rural upbringing and about watching Kelly Clarkson when she was eight years old. Ugh, these kids. I'm not voting for anyone who makes me feel this old. And I can say that because I don't vote. She's doing "Big Girls Don't Cry" (the Fergie one), and does okay, though she's not really standing out vocally. Or personality-wise, especially. Keith says she looks great, but wishes the song would have let her do a little more. Nicki agrees with Keith about Aubrey's look and her vibrato, Randy also agrees, and Mariah says Aubrey has multiplatinum potential. I'm pretty sure all of the judges focused on her looks for at least part of their comments, but I'm not sure she'll do so well with the blind voters.
Janelle Arthur is , and she recalls being dinged for her song choice last week and being one of the two people hoping for the last spot on this round. She drawls about that having put the fear of God into her and promises to pick the right song tonight while still being herself. Which explains why she's got the twang cranked up to eleven for the country waltz she's performing. Like a lot of the other singers so far tonight, she coasts a bit up until the big ending, when she works the mic like a pro to control her volume on the louder note.
Keith's comments are so brief I miss them, and Nicki gushes about how Janelle is her little marshmallow. "Best vocal of the night so far," she adds, more relevantly. Randy's says he's glad she's being herself, because they like her and the throwback quality in her voice. Mariah calls her "America's Sweetheart," and says that's a nice thing to be. Seems like it would be a little creepy, if you really think about it. You'd be getting calls from six different time zones. Ryan comes out and comments on the irony of an aerobics instructor being called a marshmallow and makes a terrible s'mores pun during her voting instructions. I could have done without that, but to Ryan it was probably the high point of the show.
After the ads, Randy gets delivered a plate of crab legs at the judges' table courtesy of Siegfried and Roy, who are apparently watching. Before getting to sing, Tenna Torres recalls Nicki's feedback about her hair last week, and then appears onstage with a sleeker look than before. She's doing "Lost" by Faith Hill as a power ballad, fumbling a bit with the notes in the chorus if I'm being honest. Keith says she did a great job but warns her not to get distracted by the camera while she's trying to stay in the emotional space of the song. Nicki compliments Tenna's hair and boobs, telling Randy to shut up and stop acting like a "goody two-shoes," when I think she means "middle-schooler." Nicki appreciates the professionalism of her singing. I'm glad someone's being professional around here, speaking of which Randy has to guffaw a little bit about Nicki's shocking inappropriateness before actually moving on to pretty much echoing what Keith and Nicki said, adding that Tenna didn't oversing it. "Nicely said," Mariah lies, going on to compliment how consistent Tenna is and how full her voice is. Ryan comes out and makes another ill-advised joke, saying Mariah and Nicki both liked her fullness. Har har.
Angie Miller talks about how last week in front of the audience was fun, but she's still hoping to top the performance of her original song in Hollywood. I'm not sure how she plans to do that tonight with the Colton Freaking Dixon power ballad she's doing tonight, but at least she's back at the piano and doing everything she can with it. Keith loved it and talks about how great the show is for producing a Colton Dixon who can write a song that can be performed by an Angie Miller here on the same show. Although he makes it sound less incestuous than I just did. Nicki says Angie's spot is already spoken for, and asks her, "Can I just get your album?" Randy says a star is born, and that she's going places. He strings some more clichés together by way of telling her to keep doing what she's doing. Mariah was glad to see her back at the piano, and loved the song enough to get over her disappointment that Angie wasn't doing her own original song. Ryan tells Angie that Colton is watching right now, and invites Angie to say hi to him into the camera, which she does. That could have gotten awkward. Frankly I'm amazed that someone finally got to go near a piano without getting in trouble for either getting up or not getting up.
Coming back, Ryan is back in the Coke Lounge backstage with Amber Holcomb and her mom Laura. Ryan reminisces about meeting Amber's mom for the first time at the Galveston auditions, but in case we don't, there's a slo-mo clip of her accidentally taking Ryan out with her excited flailing. At which point Ryan finds out that was actually Amber's stepmom. Ryan glosses over that and goes to the intro reel, in which Amber remembers last week's feedback from the judges about her confidence, and promises to fix that tonight. She's doing "I Believe in You and Me," and covering Whitney Houston does indeed call for confidence. She starts off a little shaky, but comes fully into her own for the chorus and bridge, when her voice and range turns out to not be unlike Whitney's own.
That's enough to get a standing ovation from all four judges. Keith tells her it was a perfect song for her, and only wishes he could have heard her hold more notes so he could appreciate her "exquisite" tone more. Nicki gushes about how she's surpassing the whole competition, which she seems to belatedly realize is not as high a compliment as she intended. Randy declares Amber "in it to win it" and says Amber believes in herself now. Mariah says she's been waiting for Amber all night and she's one of her favorites and she's happy America gets to vote for her. Ryan even compliments Amber on how comfortable she was singing it before giving the voting instructions. Which I think he's going to carry out himself after the show.
Kree Harrison talks appreciatively in her intro reel about the band and the vocal coaches and the whole process, which she seems to be enjoying thoroughly. She's sticking with the country ballads she does so well, her voice pretty as always. Not that I needed to hear two Faith Hill songs in one night, this one being "Stronger." I'd love to hear her do some Brandi Carlisle some time. Keith's feedback gets a little technical for this show, talking about the F-sharp above high C she hit tonight before rattling off the names of female country vocalists she fits into. "You already know that you're my wife," Nicki says, and adds that Kree has her favorite tone of all the women in the competition. Randy sounds like a wrestling announcer some more and then goes on to agree with Keith, calling her "country and then some." Mariah loves watching her and hopes she continues. And if she doesn't, she's good enough to go get famous the normal way. Ryan gives Kree an opportunity to voice her appreciation of the judges' comments, which she gladly does. Because that's what you do. Kree knows perfectly well that's part of the biz too.
By M. Giant
That's enough to get a standing ovation from all four judges. Keith tells her it was a perfect song for her, and only wishes he could have heard her hold more notes so he could appreciate her "exquisite" tone more. Nicki gushes about how she's surpassing the whole competition, which she seems to belatedly realize is not as high a compliment as she intended. Randy declares Amber "in it to win it" and says Amber believes in herself now. Mariah says she's been waiting for Amber all night and she's one of her favorites and she's happy America gets to vote for her. Ryan even compliments Amber on how comfortable she was singing it before giving the voting instructions. Which I think he's going to carry out himself after the show.
Kree Harrison talks appreciatively in her intro reel about the band and the vocal coaches and the whole process, which she seems to be enjoying thoroughly. She's sticking with the country ballads she does so well, her voice pretty as always. Not that I needed to hear two Faith Hill songs in one night, this one being "Stronger." I'd love to hear her do some Brandi Carlisle some time. Keith's feedback gets a little technical for this show, talking about the F-sharp above high C she hit tonight before rattling off the names of female country vocalists she fits into. "You already know that you're my wife," Nicki says, and adds that Kree has her favorite tone of all the women in the competition. Randy sounds like a wrestling announcer some more and then goes on to agree with Keith, calling her "country and then some." Mariah loves watching her and hopes she continues. And if she doesn't, she's good enough to go get famous the normal way. Ryan gives Kree an opportunity to voice her appreciation of the judges' comments, which she gladly does. Because that's what you do. Kree knows perfectly well that's part of the biz too.
Adriana Latonio, this season's youngest contestant, talks in her intro reel about the support back home in Alaska without mentioning Sarah Palin, and then does "Stand Up for Love" in a long dress that unfortunately reinforces the impression that she's performing at a beauty pageant. Though she does manage to bellow a big note right at the end. Keith has reservations about the song choice given the level of what they've been hearing tonight, and says it took too long to get to the good part. Nicki takes a little while warming up to saying that "After Angie, Amber, and Kree," Adriana maybe needs to just come back year with a little more experience. Randy agrees with Nicki (and me) that it was pageant-y, and not what she needed to do. Mariah gets to be good cop at the end as always, saying she was hoping for something a little more soulful from her like before. Ryan teases the night's final performance from Candace coming up after the break, saying she both hedges her bets and lays it all down. I don't think Ryan is getting much time to gamble while he's in Vegas.
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By M. Giant
After the ads, Candace says she was nervous last week until she got started, so she needs to work on that. She's doing "Ordinary People" by John Legend, and indeed tonight she's so confident that there's no hint of try-hard in her performance whatsoever. It's just solid and confident and good and especially impressive during the bridge and the obligatory run of notes at the end. Keith, Randy, and Mariah get to their feet for her, and Keith talks about the quality of the singers tonight, including her. All Nicki has to offer is a salute. Randy says she sang notes that shouldn't even fit into a chord, and says they might need a wild card or something after tonight, given how many good singers there were tonight. Mariah just thanks her for the performance.
Ryan runs short clips of tonight's performances, with voting instructions on the screen for each one. Not that I don't appreciate the reminder of how bad Zoanette was; if it weren't for her, I'd suggest just going ahead and filling the top ten with everyone we heard tonight and just sending the guys home. It's obvious that everybody involved has a hard-on for another female winner after a long drought anyway, and that seems like the best way to accomplish it. After the clips, Ryan is onstage with all ten of them talking about how this is one of the most talented shows ever, which I'm sure he says several times a year. He gives the appropriate shout-outs and opens the voting before reminding us to tune in tomorrow night to hear the guys. Right, as if.
M. Giant is a Minneapolis- based writer with a wife, a son, and a number of cats that seems to have settled at around two. Learn waaaay too much about him at Velcrometer, follow him on Twitter, or just e-mail him at m.giant[at]gmail.com.
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