By Joe R
Okay, full disclosure first: I initially thought Beatles Night (or, whatever, Lennon/McCartney Songbook Night) was a fantastically stupid idea. Putting these kids in front of the freight train of Beatles fandom, asking them to sing songs that are pretty much untouchable in our culture, asking them to both do the songs justice and make them their own? Lots of luck, kids. But last night was pretty damned great, wasn't it? With Chikezie and Brooke and David Cook kicking ass and Carly and Michael and Amanda and Jason being pretty great themselves. Even the bad performances were more boring (Syesha and Ramiele) than truly bad (Kristy Lee; the other two Davids). So, you know, mea culpa. Nice job, kids.
I am really distrustful of the new opening credits. This show doesn't get to be fresh! It doesn't get to be new! This is the same crap in different packages, year after year; the same contestant types, the same songs, the same critiques, the same innuendo-laden "banter," the same conspiracy theories, the same scandals, the same shocking eliminations at Top 6, the same crappily saccharine singles for the winner to perform, the same people promising they'll never watch the show again, the same people showing up the very week. The same! So why should the opening credits get to change?
We open with yet another cross-promotional movie ad. Why do I always get stuck with these? Though I suppose I shouldn't complain, since I escaped Ryan and Simon's first Big Gay Fight of the season. Anyway, Horton Hears A Who is apparently a 20th Century Fox movie, and thus Jim Carrey is in the audience. Good to know.
Ryan takes the busy, Minority Report-ian new stage. "What have you done?" Ryan demands of us. See? THE SAME! Jim Carrey silliness ensues, none of it worth recapping, really, so I won't. Ryan then says that since last night was so altogether popular with viewers, they're going to do another week of Lennon/McCartney week. On the one hand, it's not surprising that American Idol wouldn't be familiar with the concept of "too much of a good thing" given they've had so little good things on this show before. On the other hand, if what I read is true and the contestants had only 25 songs to choose from, does that mean they'll be limited to the same 25 week? Because the way this season is going, with all the limited song catalog stuff, by the time we hit Top 8, the theme is going to be "Songs that are on Seacrest's ab workout playlist." Which, admittedly, will be awesome, and Brooke's piano ballad version of Rihanna's "Please Don't Stop The Music" will bring the house down. Anyway: BOOO to repeat themes. And BOOO some more to this group sing, which is bound and determined to take everything cool about last night and make it stupid.
I really have always wanted "All My Lovin'" to be given the Super Bowl Pregame Show treatment, so I guess I'm getting my wish. Michael Johns could not be less interested in singing along with first Carly (who I swear looked to me like Brooke with her hair dyed black at first), then Kristy Lee. When paired with the real Brooke, Michael couldn't look more cheesy. This is a guy who needs to learn how to play the piano and sit behind it, forever, because his body movements are far too cheesy. They're the equivalent of Jason Castro's facial expressions (wildly cute as they are), which is what we see . More synched-up movements from the Top 12, it's all hilariously awful. David Cook gets a turn to sing, with what I have repeatedly been told is a smug, cocky smirk on his face. If you all say so. "That's not a stink-eye, that's just the way his face looks, that's just his face!" The teeny-weeny trio of Davids A. and H. and Chikezie begin "Can't Buy Me Love." Which I suppose is funny because David H. is a whore and all. Watching Michael and Amanda try to growl their way through a song this innocuous is pretty amusing. So after this whole abomination, they're going to cancel Beatles Night II, right? Now that what we all feared would happen last night has finally happened and the Lennon/McCartney song book is now giving its testimony to the Special Victims Unit? Speaking of which: Sanjaya is here, with his sister and evil twin goatee in tow.
After the break, Ryan promises "another dramatic elimination." Which is going to be a lot to live up to after Alaina's giant freakout two weeks ago, not to mention my three days of mourning after Danny got the boot last week. Last night gets recapped, including Chikezie's shocking awesomeness; Carly getting that too-kind Kelly Clarkson comparison (I like her more than most, and she was very good, but: no); Michael being pretty good but no Fiona Apple on "Across the Universe"; Syesha being the kind of forgettable that gets you eliminated; Jason Castro doing his Jason Castro thing and provoking the Gay of Tonkin incident between Ryan and Simon; Brooke being mesmerizing and polished and as earnest as anything Archuleta's ever done but with the added bonus of being believable about it; Ramiele letting me down; Amanda getting the fire back in her eyes; David Cook being dramatic and really fun to watch and listen to; Hernandez making bad decisions; Kristy Lee making even worse decisions; and David Archuleta reaching his first make-or-break checkpoint of the season. I mean, clearly his fans are going to rush to his aid after his first bad judging, and that's why he isn't even close to being in danger this week. But the tale will be told week and the week after that. Because if he bounces back, he's golden and unbeatable and TCO and all that. But if he gets into his own head and screws up again, then maybe he won't be quite the slam dunk everybody's saying. It's a long season.