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4-23 2005.03.23 |
Time After Time After Time After Time After A thumbnail sketch of the episode to hold you until the recap goes live. |
| Ep. | Title | Air/Pub'l | Author |
| 4-23 Recaplet |
Time After Time After Time After Time After Time After Time After Time After Time After - A thumbnail sketch of the episode to hold you until the recap goes live. |
2005.03.23 2005.03.24 |
Jacob |
| 4-22 Recaplet |
And A Very Unhappy Birthday To Me And A Very Unhappy Birthday To Me - A thumbnail sketch of the episode until the full recap goes live. |
2005.03.22 2005.03.23 |
Jacob |
| 4-9 Recap |
Ziggy Played Guitar Ziggy Played Guitar - I know, I know. But the amounts of hubris displayed in this episode call to mind nothing so much as the Spiders From Mars: Mikalah, Simon and Ryan all get freaky high on their own awesomeness, and then mutually destroy each other as the rest of us watch, savoring the tasty, just desserts. |
2005.03.15 2005.03.20 |
Jacob |
| 4-8 Recap |
Flip A Coin For "Song Choice" "Sits Like A Man, But He Smiles Like A Reptile" - It may or may not matter, as we head into the Top 12, having shed Travis, Janay, Amanda, and poor Nikko like so much husked Constantine denim. Also: We move from six episodes a night back to the normal schedule of eight times a week. |
2005.03.09 2005.03.13 |
Jacob |
| 4-7 Recap |
Eight Down, Four to Go Compared To What? - Say "aloha" to Aloha and tell Joe you'll see him around, give Celena Rae a couple bucks for the bus, and bake something in a covered casserole dish for David Brown. They're done here. Janay? Oh, she's fine. Amanda and Mikalah? Right where they should be. Plus, maybe a little bonus recap of Constantine's Elimidate. Yeah. Not kidding. |
2005.03.02 2005.03.06 |
Jacob |
| 4-6 Recap |
"I Woke Up And One Of Us Was Crying" "I Woke Up And One Of Us Was Crying" - After three hours of programming, and the first voteable performances of all Top 24, everybody gets into an Elvis kind of mood as the first four contenders are sent home. Jared and Melinda come out the biggest losers, with the lowest votes, and then weird surprises abound as Sarah Mather and Judd Harris, who are attractive, have lovely voices, and do not suck, are sent home. Jared bursts into tears and Judd is dogpiled by everyone in Hollywood, while Melinda and Sarah both shut down like pissed-off and shell-shocked survivors of a crazy trauma. And I can't blame them. I just miss Judd already. |
2005.02.23 2005.02.27 |
Jacob |
| 4-5 Recap |
Knock It Off (The Box) Knock It Off (The Box) - The group is finally whittled into four separate rooms, and then we spend an hour kicking two of the rooms to the curb in a hail of flashbacks. Then the remaining contestants are summoned into a Scary Room to sit in a Scary Chair and be messed around by Scary Judges, and then we have our Final 24, whom we all already called weeks ago, but the show seems to be under the impression that we are at their mercy and don't see past their obvious manipulations. They're half wrong. I mean, we'll be back next week when the actual show starts. |
2005.02.16 2005.02.20 |
Jacob |
| 4-4 Recap |
"So What Are You Doing Here?" "So What Are You Doing Here?" - After a two-day round of individual auditions and cuts, the remaining contestants are split into teams of three, and then attempt to destroy each other utterly for a chance at stardom. |
2005.02.09 2005.02.13 |
Jacob |
| 4-3 Recap |
Mentally Ill Is The New Hilarious, Part III Mentally Ill Is The New Hilarious, Part III - Actual performers, actually performing! Three cities in two nights! TV's Moesha and LL Cool J! And a third, surprise celebrity guest! Only he's not a celebrity, he's the DiGiorno guy, and he's not a guest, he's a contestant. |
2005.02.02 2005.02.05 |
Jacob |
| 4-2 Recap |
Mentally Ill Is The New Hilarious, Part II Mentally Ill Is The New Hilarious, Part II - Prostitutes both actual and imagined, both singing and "singing," highlight this week's episodes, which span from New Orleans to Las Vegas. We meet several people who are going to Hollywood, but whom we may or may not ever see again, including overnight sensations Gene "Just Can't Find The Sound" Simmons, Kenny "Back To The Days Of Pooh" Loggins, Leroy "Can't Talk To A Psycho" Wells, Ryan "Like A Normal Human Being" Seacrest, and Mikalah "Buffalo Stance" Gordon. |
2005.01.26 2005.01.30 |
Jacob |
| 4-1 Recap |
Gotta Get Through This Mentally Ill Is The New Hilarious, Part I - The District of Columbia, as it turns out, is chock-full of crazy people: Drugged-up crazy people, screamy crazy people, happy crazy people, sad crazy people, well-dressed crazy people, crazily-dressed crazy people, crazy people with voices inside their heads, crazy people with lots of different voices coming out of their heads, crazy people with spooky voices, crazy people with creepy dances, and crazy people who like to run right out into traffic. What? Like that's not brilliant comedy. |
2005.01.19 2005.01.23 |
Jacob |
| Extra |
This show cost $12 to produce The Final Three 2004 - An interview special with the three remaining finalists prepares them for a future of being asked the same dumb questions over and over again by entertainment industry suck-ups. |
2004.05.17 2004.05.28 |
Shack |
| 3-24 Recap |
Get her a pair of Manolo Blahniks, STAT! They Love Her, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeahhhhhhh - Fantasia wins the title of American Idol and practically falls apart on stage, both figuratively and literally. |
2004.05.26 2004.06.01 |
Shack |
| 3-23 Recap |
Mood: Relieved Flower's Glum Song - Shack never wore flowers in his hair, but if he had, he probably would have stuffed them in his ears to avoid having to hear Jasmine sing poorly three times in an hour. Finally, she's ejected, leaving a final two of Fantasia and Diana. |
2004.05.19 2004.05.24 |
Shack |
| 3-22 Recap |
Footloose and fancy-free Aloha, LaToya - Themes? Fantasia doesn't care about any stupid themes. After LaToya is ejected over the hopelessly outmatched Jasmine, you've got to wonder if even matters what they sing. |
2004.05.12 2004.05.18 |
Shack |
| Extra |
On the Ass with Ryan Seacrest The Final Five 2004 - An interview special with the five remaining finalists prepares them for a future of being asked dumb questions by entertainment industry suck-ups. |
2004.05.03 2004.05.08 |
Shack |
| 3-21 Recap |
Don't even think of calling them "fat-bottomed girls" Another One Bites the Dust - Big band night brings us songs attached to Judy Garland, Irving Berlin, Natalie Cole, George Gershwin, Louis Armstrong, Barbra Streisand, Frank Sinatra, Ella Fitzgerald, and of course, Queen. The hammer falls on George. |
2004.05.05 2004.05.10 |
Shack |
| 3-20 Recap |
Cuban Fizzle Crisis Miami Ow Machine - John shows us all why sometimes nice guys are supposed to finish last, as a butchering of a Gloria Estefan song finally leads to his ejection. |
2004.04.28 2004.05.03 |
Shack |
| 3-19 Recap |
Music and passion were always the fashion When Will I Scold You Again? - Barry Manilow makes a couple of guest appearances and defines the theme for this week's shows, but is surprised to discover that all the overwrought screaming has nothing to do with him. Jennifer gets the boot. America gets the vapors. |
2004.04.21 2004.04.26 |
Shack |
| 3-18 Recap |
He's Dancing As Fast As He Can From Dusk Till Jon - Caper around the stage all you want, little Jon, but swivel those hips of yours in the direction of "home," because that's where you're going. |
2004.04.15 2004.04.20 |
Shack |
| 3-17 Recap |
She sang her song like a candle in the wind I Guess That's Why They Call It The Blues - Camile sputtered, fluttered, melted a little bit, and hardly illuminated anything. Finally, the voters snuffed her out. |
2004.04.07 2004.04.13 |
Shack |
| 3-16 Recap |
Think Pink Buffoons in a Ten-Cent Motown - Unless it's in Amy's hair. Bye, Amy. |
2004.03.31 2004.04.05 |
Shack |
| 3-15 Recap |
Too many men on the field Honky Tonk Blahs - America gets a little uncomfortable being dragged into the passive-aggressive love triangle between Matt, Simon, and Ryan, so Matt is voted off. Voters also warn that we're fast reaching princess overload. |
2004.03.24 2004.03.30 |
Shack |
| 3-14 Recap |
Patti's just glad to have her good name back. Ain't Nothing Like the Real Thing - Get on board the Soooooooouuul Train! Not so fast there, Leah. You brought it on yourself with that whole "LaBelle" thing. |
2004.03.17 2004.03.22 |
Shack |
| 3-13 Recap |
Everybody needs somebody to hate The Spazz Singer - Leah LaBelle, meet Carmen Rasmusen and Jim Verraros. Jim Verraros and Carmen Rasmusen, meet Leah LaBelle. You all have a lot to talk about, so we'll just get out of your way. |
2004.03.10 2004.03.15 |
Shack |
| 3-12 Recap |
Can I be frank? No, not Sinatra. You're Nobody Till Everybody Loves You - John Stevens and Jasmine Trias are cute and young and cute and young and cute and young and cute and young. And incredibly dull. Shack looks for ways to make his own fun.� |
2004.03.03 2004.03.09 |
Shack |
| 3-11 Recap |
Find some new shtick, Bic London's Bridge Is Really Loud - Jon gets written off (geddit? Geddit?) after a bizarrely choppy rendition of "Tiny Dancer." Amy and LaToya belt their way into the finals. Leah cries because Americanizing her name doesn't convince people to vote for her. |
2004.02.25 2004.03.01 |
Shack |
| 3-10 Recap |
The Fall of the Roman Empire 2 Fat 2 Furious - Jesus can't please us, and Noel makes us long for a silent night instead. Lisa is a flower among of field of stinkweeds, but she loses out to a creepy jock and a pretty young girl the judges are trying to convince us is better than she actually is. |
2004.02.17 2004.02.23 |
Shack |
| 3-9 Recap |
If I vote for you, will you just calm down? The Pink and the Gray - Fantasia and Diana bounce, shriek, giggle, shimmy, dance, point, pout, flutter, mug, and cutesy their way into the finals. There are way too many verbs going on between the two of them. |
2004.02.10 2004.02.16 |
Shack |
| 3-8 Recap |
You Don't Have To Go Home, But You Can't Fame-Whore Here Thanks For Scaring! - As the final thirty-two contestants are announced, we say goodbye to Nicole Tieri, Michael Keown, and Alan Ritchson, who will have to find somewhere else to be annoying, toolish, and sleazy. And you know, you can apply each of those adjectives to the three of them as you see fit. |
2004.02.04 2004.02.10 |
Shack |
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