So we’ve reached that point in the season where shit starts going haywire. And man, it really went for it. I don’t even know what to do with any of this right now. Zoe went to work on rehabilitating Kyle through teaching him English and the ways of being a human again. She has some success! But then Madison decided to bond with the only other dead person she knows by having sex with him (!), which I can actually understand. What I can’t understand is the part where Madison decided to invite Zoe and her deadly vagina to have a threesome with her and Kyle… and Zoe went for it because her deadly vagina can’t kill already dead people’s genitals. I’m going to need to think about that for a while.
Fiona sleeps with the Axeman and the morning after he reveals that he has loved her since she was an eight-year-old victim of mean girl bullying. First, it was a fatherly love, but then when she became hot and powerful as an adolescent, his feelings toward her changed. She is humiliated and repulsed at first, but she comes around. They are totally dating now. They deserve each other.
Madison doesn’t stay a secret for long. Cordelia ends up touching her, resulting in a vision of Fiona slitting her throat. Delia takes this to Zoe, explaining that if Fiona learns about Zoe’s power, she’ll be . She conspires to team up and kill Fiona together. Zoe wants further confirmation, so she finds Spalding’s enchanted tongue in the storage closet where the spirit board was (everything’s in that thing!), reattaches it and then interrogates him. His enchanted tongue cannot lie, so he gives up the goods on Fiona. Then, it looks like Zoe murdered him by stabbing him through the heart, but who knows. Why would you give up Denis O’Hare this early?
And tragically, the buddy comedy duo of the fall season comes to an end this week, as Queenie decides to defect from the Coven by handing LaLaurie over to Marie as a kind of initiation fee into her crew after LaLaurie admits to a new horror from her past. RIP to the BFFs of the TV season. Marie ends the episode by smearing LaLaurie’s blood all over her face as a magical youth serum, so there was a practical reason for wanting LaLaurie besides revenge.
Hank has all the weapons in the great state of Louisiana laid out in his hotel room in preparation for Miss Robichaux’s killing spree. Good fucking luck, guy.
No Misty Day this week. Boo.
Mindy Monez’s only goal in life is to someday hit the Frostop drive-thru with Gabourey Sidibe and Kathy Bates at three a.m. You can tweet with her @garnisheater.
Think you've got game? Prove it! Check out Games Without Pity, our new area featuring trivia, puzzle, card, strategy, action and word games -- all free to play and guaranteed to help pass the time until your show starts.