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This episode was almost too much for me. Almost. I've managed to weather all the rape and murder and mayhem and terrible New England accents, but titling an episode "Coat Hanger" and then essentially dangling the upcoming DIY abortion in front of us like some kind of twisted enticement almost turned me away. Like I said, almost.
So let's start with the present day. Dylan Face seeks out a hypno-therapist to help him conquer his addiction. To, you know, killing. So he goes to Dr. Catherine Martin, overly helpful daughter of Senator Ruth Martin, who breastfed her through toughened nipples, but that's neither here nor there. Dylan doesn't take long to confess his true fixation and says that he started killing after he found out who his real father was: Oliver Thredson.
Back in '62, surprise, Devil Eunice informs Lana that she's pregnant. Lana immediately goes to Kit and renews her application to kill Thredson ASAP. Kit still needs to not get the electric chair, though, so Lana first gets him Thredson to confess, which Kit secretly records. She does so on the threat of harming Ollie's unborn baby inside her, but once his confession is on tape, she tells him she went through with the coat-hanger procedure last night. And now that he's confessed, she prepares to kill him, and she's kind of too into it, as a concept. But when she shows up to finally do him in, she finds he's escaped. Then Devil Eunice finds her and informs her that the abortion didn't take: the child lives in her belly, and it's a boy.
Finally, last week's encounter in the tunnels has made Dr. Arden a true believer in the aliens, and he tells Kit so. He also has formulated a theory that the aliens keep abducting women Kit has impregnated (Alma, Grace) because they're studying him. He further theorizes that the aliens will fight to keep Kit alive. So, logically, Arden's plan is to put Kit at the brink of death, to goad the aliens into saving him. Even more logically, Kit's response to this is, "SURE! What time?" So Arden injects Kit with a drug that stops his heart, the aliens show up, Arden leaves the exam room and ends up stumbling upon Pepper (who I never realized hadn't returned since Movie Night and was probably abducted too) and a naked and hugely pregnant Grace. Pepper is now incredibly erudite and Grace incredibly serene. She places Arden's hand on her belly, and he looks like he might be having a religious conversion.
Meantime, Sister Jude wakes up in restraints and a patient's gown and is informed that she killed someone last night. Not Leigh Emerson, though. He survived. Sister Jude killed Frank, though. Or so say Leigh, Devil Eunice, and Dr. Arden, and of course Monsignor Howard buys it all. So Sister Jude is now once again Judy Martin, and an inmate at Briarcliff to boot. She tries to make amends with Lana about everything, and puts her money where her mouth is by breaking the "Dominique" record. R.I.P. you gorgeous singing nuns.
As for Leigh, he's convinced that idiot Monsignor that he's a repentant, redeemed, and rehabilitated man. Howard, papal robes dancing in his head, decides to baptize the former (?) monster and thus reap the credit for the man himself. He gets exactly what he deserves, when Leigh shoves his head underwater and nearly drowns him, and probably a little more than he deserves when Leigh CRUCIFIES HIM TO THE CROSS IN THE BRIARCLIFF CHAPEL.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!The trendy bamboo curtains in the office and sensible yet stylish cardigan worn by the therapist clue us in that we're starting off in present day. Far from the nightmarish ruins of Briarcliff (though how far we don't know), we're sitting in on a counseling session. The therapist is played by Brooke Smith, beloved (by me, at least) character actress, best known in horror circles as Catherine Martin, girl in a hole in The Silence of the Lambs. The patient ... oh, hell. The patient is played by Dylan McDermott, who we already know has been the voice of the presumed Bloody Face 2k12. I'm making a vow not to get used to Brooke Smith, is all I'm saying.
So Dylan's name is Johnny Morgan, and he's come to Dr. Catherine Martin, hypnotherapist, she thinks to quit smoking. But no. He just heard she was good at curbing compulsions, which is what he needs. He's kinda rough-looking, now that we get a good angle on him: scraggly beard, neck tat, unshowered most likely. He says he wants to "stop," though of course he's vague about what it is. "The first time I tried it, it was scary, but it felt amazing," he says as she makes her notes. His foster family kicked him out for "it" and he bounced around the system until he learned to hide "it." Dr. Catherine Martin thinks "it" is masturbation. "It" is actually skinning animals, which Dylan Face tells her in a super annoyed tone of voice, like she's an idiot for not figuring it out. She looks nervous but presses on.
"Did you know that killing animals is a predictor for psychopaths?" he asks. He says he learned this when he was in prison for armed robbery. It was there that he also researched who his real parents are. Dr. Catherine Martin tries to beg off at this point, saying she may not be qualified. He yells at her that she HAS to help him, as "the thoughts" have been harder to ignore since he found out who he was. Those thoughts tell him to re-trace his roots. He's now renting the house where his father lived. Those thoughts tell him to hurt women, to skin them. At this, we get a flashback to poor Mrs. Channing Tatum, as he skins her alive. He doesn't have the easiest time doing it, however, and in the office, he tells the doctor that he doesn't have the same skills as his father. He made a mess. He wonders if it's too late. "To turn yourself in?" Dr. Catherine Martin asks, hopefully. "No!" he snaps at her, "to go to medical school!" Ah, of course. He laments that he'll never live up to his father. See, his real name is Thredson, not Morgan. "I'm the son of Bloody Face." Oh shit, Catherine, not again.
After the credits/commercials, Lana is brought in to Devil Eunice's office, and we get a taste of how Eunice is already starting to terrorize the staff, particularly this here nun with the cat-eye glasses. Lana knows Sister Eunice never told anybody about her claims against Dr. Thredson, so she knows she's the enemy. She sasses Eunice about stepping right into Sister Jude's totalitarian shoes. Eunice does her one better, though. Looking up from Lana's file, she announced that, "The good news is you've conquered your sexual perversion. The bad news is: the rabbit died."
Eunice jokes about offering Lana what her aunt would call a "Drano margarita." She also prods Lana about how she doesn't seem to be railing against Dr. Thredson anymore now that she's carrying his baby. At this, Lana claims that all that rape talk was just car-accident-induced hallucinations. So, you know, don't try to call Dr. Thredson or anything. Lana says she can't have this baby, but Eunice is like, "You can and will." She blithely talks about how asylum patients are constantly humping like bunnies, so the occasional pregnancy isn't new. They take these little babies, cuckoo as they may genetically be, and get them ready for the orphanage. Lana tells Devil Eunice she's worse than Jude. "You're a sadist." "Calm down, Mommy," Eunice calmly replies, before threatening to put her in restraints if she doesn't fall in line. Lana gets it and asks to leave now, with one more damn thing to deal with. As she goes to walk out, she faints.
thing we see is the foggy-eyed perspective of someone just waking in their hospital bed to the blurry sight of Monsignor Howard. It's not Lana who is getting this prestigious visit, though. It's Sister Jude, who finds herself strapped to an inmate's bed with a brace on her head and everything. She panics and struggles against the restraints, but Howard tells her to calm herself, that she's been injured. He tries to jog her memory, reminding her that she's killed a man, "God rest his soul." Jude recalls the frightening events of the night, Leigh Emerson climbing atop her in his Santa outfit, her plunging a letter opener into his neck and spraying his blood everywhere. She's probably wondering what God would rest that man's soul as she insists to the Monsignor that she had no choice. "You've become unhinged," he tells her, sadness and pity in his voice. These are not the words you hear when you've killed your mass-murdering attacker. He goes on and on about how the pressures of Briarcliff finally got to her, how she became paranoid and unhinged, "and now Frank McCann is dead." Ohhhh. Dear. This is news to Jude, of course, that her dear, sweet ally Frank is gone, and then it slowly begins to sink in: she's been accused of his murder.
We then cut to a kangaroo court set up in the Briarcliff common room, where a court officer is taking depositions from quite the rogue's gallery: Devil Eunice, Dr. Harden and a not-even-dead Leigh Emerson, all of them lining up to put the blame on Jude. Emerson -- he neck bandaged from his attack -- says he saw the murder with his own eyes. Arden describes Sister Jude as having gone on a "rampage." Monsignor Howard testifies to what he saw as Sister Jude's increasing "instability." Even Mother Claudia is compelled to confess that Jude came to her with tales of Sister Eunice being possessed by the devil. The cumulative effect is a complete burial of Sister Jude in the eyes of the law. Moreover, the deposition offers Leigh the chance to bullshit his way through a statement of remorse and rehabilitation, "taking responsibility" for his crimes and stating his intentions to earn his way back into heaven's good graces. Looking on, Monsignor Howard is transfixed. What a success story! In the realm of saving souls, this could be a really big fish. This could get him noticed.
Back in Sister Jude's room, Monsignor Howard informs her that she's been sentenced to live out the remainder of her days as a patient at Briarcliff. Which is a fun new way for the American system of justice to operate, I must say, passing down sentence without the accused ever having been present before the court. She's also being stripped of her nun-ship, busted down to plain old Judy Martin. My guess is that being plain old Judy Martin is a lot tougher without the booze, though. Judy tries to tell the Monsignor that this is all a mistake, a setup, but he leaves her there, al poignantly tortured, like this is so hard on HIM. What a dick, this guy. Judy at least has enough self-respect to call him a son of a bitch as he leaves. It's the least of what he deserves. Of course, what he deserves comes later.
In the kitchen, Lana goes about her bakery duties with about as much enthusiasm as you'd expect. Across the way, she spots someone rolling a rack of recently dry-cleaned uniforms -- for the nuns? The staff? Are they presented in the kitchen to motivate the inmates to bake better bread? I admit I have never worked in a bakery, so I don't know the procedure there. Anyway, Lana looks at those uniforms hanging on those metal hangers and has a thought. Is she thinking about making one of those coat-hanger Christmas trees they had us make in elementary school? Probably. That's probably it.
Monsignor Howard sadly shuffles into Sister Jude's old office, where a box of her effects sits on her old desk. Inside are the usual holy accoutrements: Bible, crucifix, holy water, red silk slip. He picks up the latter, more curious than pervy -- though, seriously, hands off the merchandise, guy. Of course Devil Eunice walks in on this, feigning surprise that it was among Jude's things. "I wonder who she was fancying when she wore it?" she asks, provocatively, if not pointedly enough that Howard knows who she's talking about.
Eunice then changes the subject to Howard's papal ambitions. She lies and says Jude told her all about them, and then makes a big deal of how she couldn't agree more. Howard is purposefully abashed, trying very hard to look like the guy who only cares about saving souls. But his ambition is something the Devil would like to manipulate, so Eunice encourages him. Trying to shy him away from any self-recriminations he may be feeling about Jude's fate, she adopts a creepily accurate Sister Jude rasp as she tells him, "No time for navel-gazing. Too much to be done." She then more innocently offers herself up to him: "I'm here to serve you," she says. "I want to help you save souls. All the way to Rome."
Elsewhere, Lana is led back to her cell, and inside, she reveals the coat hanger she smuggled out of the kitchen. As a lightning storm crashes outside (I was just about to type "a bit much" before I realized what show I'm watching), Lana gets to work straightening the thing out. And, look: I realize coat-hanger abortions were a horror of mid-century America borne of our nation's institutional repression, and as such it fits in with this season's themes splendidly. Maybe my reticence is simply about the episode title, as if Ryan Murphy is standing underneath a banner reading "The Coat Hanger" and grinning like a ten-year-old who just said the "F" word. Maybe all horror doesn't get to be served with a smirk? Again, I'm saying that knowing full well that I've accepted a lifetime's worth of rape imagery from this series, and also knowing that I ended up loving this particular episode anyway. Just working out my feelings, in recap format. The best format there is for that!
After the break, an unruly Jude is being tended to by two of her former underlings. One is the cat-eye nun, who's trying to get "Sister Jude" to calm down for her own good. The other one, however, is this bulldog of a broad who is taking a bit of satisfaction out of Jude being laid low. She tells her that if she doesn't calm down, they'll have to call Frank in, but oh wait, "you already clipped Frank but good." So the Maltese Falcon here is looking forward to doling out some of the discipline Sister Jude was so fond of, until Monsignor Howard shows up and stops her. Jude begs "Timothy" to help, and she calms down in desperate hope that he'll sit and listen to her. But he's brought a guest with him: Leigh Emerson. This fucking guy. Howard, I mean. What a dick.
Jude goes stone cold and demands to know what he's doing here. Why, it's Christmas Day and he's here to make sure the Cratchit family gets their Christmas goose! With his cuffed hands together in penitent prayer, as false as any altar boy who's just been into the church wine. That Idiot Howard seems to honestly think this will be therapeutic for Jude to hear Leigh tell her he "forgives" her. Her heart is fully broken at this betrayal.
At Leigh's magnanimous declaration of forgiveness, we shoot back to 1963, when Sister Jude had Leigh strapped down to his bed in punishment for a dalliance (consensual or otherwise, it's not explained) with one Sister Chastity. The irony is not silent. Frank smacks him around when he gets mouthy, and Jude declares that he'll spend the few days confined. Leigh disingenuously asks if she isn't directed to forgive him for his sins, but she's not playing that game. "I'm no priest," she tells him, "and you're no penitent." He tells her he doesn't need her forgiveness anyway. Okay, so we agree!
And now, with the roles fully reversed, here's Leigh offering Jude forgiveness as a final "fuck you." He kisses her on the forehead for added inappropriateness.
Meantime, Kit is still pretending to be drugged up and out of it, emptying his IV out into his bedpan when the nuns aren't looking. Lana comes to see him and tells him that they have to kill Thredson after all. They should've done it right away. He reminds her about the whole thing where he'll be executed without proof of Thredson's guilt. He suggests using sodium pentothal to get the truth out of him, but Lana's like, "Idiot, that won't hold up in court." The bottom line, however, is that they need Thredson to talk. Lana says she might know how to get that to happen.
Dr. Arden is busy scouring the tunnels of Briarcliff, remembering how he was pushing Grace's body to the incinerator one minute and blinded by alien light the . It looks like he's poking around for clues, and he eventually spots a set of two-toed footprints. Deal with THAT, man of science!
Lana returns to the closet where she and Kit stashed Thredson, and she threatens to bash his face in if he makes a noise. She gives him water -- gotta keep him alive -- and then presents him with the evidence of the "cosmic joke" that is her pregnancy report. Hilariously, Ollie's first reaction is, "I'm gonna be a father?!" Lana, full to the brim with hatred, scoffs at the thought that he will ever see this child. He starts to freak out, begging her not to give the child away, scared as he is of the thought of growing up in an orphanage. Lana sets him straight, though: she's getting rid of the abomination inside of her.
She pulls out her old pal the coat hanger, pulls down her panties, and makes like she's going to do it right in front of him. Which is fucking INTENSE and really makes Lana look like her series of ordeals has made her unhinged. Her reasoning, however, is not un-sound: "no child should have to grow up with Bloody Face for a father." Ollie begs her, saying Kit will take the fall, no one will know, and it'll all work out. This maybe offends Lana the most -- that it will all works out. He promises to change and says she "owes" him a chance. She calls him a sociopath, but she then props him up and gives him his chance, if he comes clean. She starts asking him about his victims, why he chose them, how he killed them, et cetera, and Thredson obliges. He describes killing the first two victims, then Lana asks about Wendy, at which point he kind of veers toward the sociopath again, telling Lana, "She never loved you."
Suddenly, though, the sound of his voice comes rebounding back to him, describing the first victim's fuzzy peach skin. It's Kit, in the room, playing the recording he just made of Thredson's confession. Ollie calls Lana a bitch and accuses her of making up the pregnancy to manipulate him. No, she says, that part's true. Or was. She tells him that she took care of it last night, and we get choppy footage of her cleaning up the "bloody mess" on the floor. Thredson calls her a monster, but she does him one better: she pledges to take a knife after her bakery shift, come back, and slit his throat. "I always wanted to know what it was like inside the mind of a killer," she tells him. "Now I know." I know I've been behind on some of the guessing games this season, but I'm calling it now: Lana takes up the mantle of Bloody Face at some point.
Elsewhere, Kit secrets out the reel of Thredson's confession and goes to hide it in the tub room. You know, the tub room. With the tubs. I guess technically it would be a "bathroom," since it's the room with the baths in it, but calling a room a "bathroom" when it doesn't have any toilets just doesn't seem right. It also brings up another strange inconsistency of the English language.
Hi, where were we? So Kit wraps the reel in a towel and hides it under a tub. Just then, Dr. Arden appears in the doorway, full of that "Well, what do we have here?" kind of falsely genial talk. He says he's glad he ran into Kit, since they have so much to discuss. Time for more exploratory surgery? Arden leads Kit out, then looks back suspiciously at the tubs.
After the break, they're in Dr. Arden's office, Arden lighting a cigarette for Kit and pouring him a glass of the "18 year old single-malt" he keeps in his office, and thus preserving my eternal wariness for people who describe their scotch thusly. He's clearly trying very hard to be nice, which only arouses Kit's suspicions further. Arden finally produces the piece of concrete with the alien footprint in it and tells Kit that he's seen the aliens too. Ever the man of science, Arden surmises that they're a technologically advanced race. He tells Kit about how they took Grace, and Kit wonders what they'd want with her. Arden has a hypothesis, one that's confirmed by Kit, who says he had sex with both Alma and Grace before they were abducted. Arden figures they're working on some sort of eugenics program (he'd know). He thinks he can use Kit to lure them back. Kit, beautiful creature that he is, is like, "Buh?" "A good scientist protects his subject," he says, and he theorizes that if Kit's life were threatened, they would intervene. Kit: "What are you saying?"
Arden tries again: if Kit were to be brought to the brink of death, then the aliens would act to bring him back to life. Kit: "You want to kill me?" Hey, pretty. You renting out space in that gorgeous head of yours? Arden finally gets him to understand that he wants to almost kill him. Of course, it would be ideal if Kit would cooperate, but he's not asking for permission. There's the Arden we all know! Kit calls Arden a crazy bastard, but he says if it means he's got a chance to see Alma again, he'll agree to the plan. "Well, Mr. Walker," Arden says, with a good bit of enthusiasm in his voice, "prepare to die."
In the bakery, Lana manages to lurk around while the other inmates are led off to their rooms, when the last orderly leaves and shuts the lights off, she scurries to the knife drawer and grabs a big one (making waaaay too much noise for someone trying to be sneaky). She doesn't even make it out of the bakery before the orderly catches her. It looks for a moment like she might stab her way out of this predicament, but as the orderly tells her, she "ain't got the guts to kill no one." Probably true. For now. The orderly gives her a break and sends her to her room, knife-less but with no formal punishment.
Leigh is in the chapel, making a great show of his penitence. Monsignor Howard enters and is pious as ever, and really proud of Leigh, which is really just being proud of himself and his awesome soul-saving abilities. He thinks Leigh could be his "miracle," his ticket to the big leagues. "If I can turn you," he muses, "imagine the reforms I could take on a national scale." Howards words are now intercut with him un-shackling Leigh and asking him the baptismal questions. Leigh says he renounces Satan and intends to lead a Godly life. So, you know, he totally does. Howard lowers him into the water and baptizes him. And with his new life in God's grace, Leigh grabs Howard by the neck and submerges him in the baptismal water. Pretty hard to say Howard did not have that coming.
Lana is led back to her room, and as soon as she hears the corridor lights go out, she bolts up and retrieves the hanger from its bloody cloth below her mattress. She regards it for a second before folding it up so the two end points are side-by-side and then she begins stabbing at her pillow with it. As a stabbing implement, it's quite effective. Certainly effective enough, though I'm not sure she'll be able to off Thredson quick enough that he won't scream about it.
Still, off Lana goes, into the secret Thredson room. "Hello, Oliver," she says, with even more glee in her voice than I recall before. "I'm here to keep my word." Only he's not there. Ohhhh, shit.
Lana backs out of the room and warily traverses the halls, looking to find him before he finds her. She ends up running straight into Devil Eunice. "You let him out," Lana accuses, but Eunice avoids the question. She's too interested in Lana's hanger-weapon. "I thought we talked about this," she tells Lana, in her faux-disappointed voice. Lana defiantly says it's too late, the deed has been done. Devil Eunice fully gives her the "O RLY?" treatment and puts a hand to her belly. The child still lives, she tells Lana, to Lana's horror. And it's a boy! And he will constantly be mistaken for another boy his age and in his chosen profession!
Back to 2012 for a quick minute, as a patient of Dr. Catherine Martin has entered her office for her apartment. She's blathering about how she totally cheated on her post-hypnotic suggestion and at a whole bucket of chicken. When she looks up, she sees the office has been ransacked and Dr. Catherine Martin is unmoving in her swivel chair, facing the back window. Chicken Lady approaches her gingerly, and despite the fact that it makes all the sense in the world for Dr. Catherine Martin to have no face when she's turned around, she does. She's still dead, of course, but Bloody Face Jr. hasn't skinned her (yet?). As for Chicken Lady, she screams and turns around and runs right into a bloodied (but unmasked) Dylan. R.I.P. Dr. Catherine Martin. Quit talking to obviously creepy men in your life, okay?
After the break, GUESS WHAT'S BACK? "Dominique" blares out its totalitarian chirping throughout the common room, while Lana sits and chain-smokes, hoping that if she can't get rid of this baby, she can at least give it some birth defects.
Across the room, for the first time as patient, enters Judy Martin. And oh, the looks she gets! Lana looks at her like a ghost just walked in and sat down across from her. Judy looks like hell, and Lana certainly notices. She asks what they did to her. "Nothing I didn't do to you," Jude says, which is actually pretty accurate. She asks to bum a cigarette off of Lana, "God damn it, I've earned it." She takes the smoke and tears off the filter before lighting up. This bitch. This bitch right here.
Jude asks Lana's permission to address her by her first name before offering a sincere apology for what she did to her, saying it was more than just wrong, it was immoral. "Criminal," says Lana, and Jude just nods in shame. She doesn't expect forgiveness, but she pledges to make it up to her. Lana is so incredibly not impressed, even (especially?) when Jude pledges to get her out of here. The last person to say that, Lana says, well, it didn't turn out so well.
So how is Judy going to earn Lana's trust? Apparently all it takes to get that ball rolling is to get up, stride over to the record player, and take all your frustrations out on a 45 of a few singing nuns. R.I.P. Dominique. Back at the smoking table, Lana is all, "Well, hot damn." She really hated that song, so I get it.
In the lab, Dr. Arden is filling up a syringe with death juice, while Kit is all, "Gee whiz, Mister, is that the stuff that's gonna make me die?" And of course Arden is like, "It's called potassium chloride, and I don't know why I keep explaining the physiological details of this process to your dumb ass because you'll just be back in three minutes asking if potassium chloride is what's in bananas." Though, really, Arden has no call to be grumpy with Kit deciding to meet his maker without his shirt on. I do like when Arden explains his process for reviving Kit, involving injecting him with a liquid "extracted from deadly nightshade." If I were a superhero, my origin story would involve me being extracted from deadly nightshade. Kit, precious little marshmallow of mine, is like, "Willikers, Mister! My stomach's kinda jumbly right now!" But it's time to get started.
Kit starts muttering the Lord's prayer, which of course makes Arden's eyes roll. "This is going to hurt," is Arden's way-too-late warning to Kit, and he plunges the syringe into the "x" he made with a marker. Very Eric Stoltz in Pulp Fiction. Kit immediately starts convulsing, and the convenient heartbeat thump on the soundtrack slows to let us know what's happening inside his body. His body goes still and Arden checks his pulse. For a terrifying second, it looks like the experiment has failed to draw out the aliens, but the lights soon flicker and that metallic whir fills the air. They're heeere.
Arden follows the light source into the hallway, chasing it down the corridor. He ends up opening a door to one of the solitary rooms, where he finds the light and sounds have stopped. Inside, it's just two returning souls: Pepper, still in her cardigan and topknot; and Grace, naked and hugely pregnant. To be honest, I'd forgotten that we hadn't seen Pepper since the night of the storm/movie/breakout/break-in. Guess the aliens took her up for a different kind of experimentation because now she's speaking in a fully adult manner: "The baby's full term," she says. "It won't be long." Grace also looks much improved since last we saw her: happy, alert, peaceful, and with much a much better haircut. Arden is understandably awestruck at the sight of her, considering her condition the last time he saw her. Pepper interrupts his reverie by requesting a room where she can look after Grace, who then takes Arden's hand and places it on her belly.
Back with Kit, the lights are still shining and the buzziness is still buzzing, but as of press time, Pretty is still dead.
Finally, the heretofore unseen Briarcliff janitor gets an ignominious intro, as he goes to mop up the chapel and finds Monsignor Timothy Howard most assuredly crucified to the giant cross hanging from the ceiling. The janitor runs away, but Howard is somehow not dead yet. As he gasps, a figure approaches him, and the last thing we see is Howard begging this stranger to help him. "I'm here," says the familiar pale, black-veiled face of the Angel of Death. Good to see you, gurl!
Joe R wonders who these alien babies grow up to be. He can be reached for lavish praise and nothing but at joseph.reid21@gmail.com.