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Previously on Weavers! In The Morning, Weavers All Through The Night: In Costa Rica, Tony Paolo almost drowned, and DJ couldn't believe his old man would be so selfish as to allow his lungs to fill with water when the family was trying to get somewhere. Parents are so embarrassing. Mama Paolo hoped aloud that DJ wouldn't get married, and somewhere, his putative wife caught her breath hopefully and didn't know why. The race headed to the sweltering landscape of Arizona, where teams explored the distinctive local culture in the form of a traditional go-kart track, just like the ones they used in the olden days. The weird little Roadblock pitted Mama Weaver against Tommy "Bone" Linz, making the whole thing into...well, not so much a clash of the sublime and the ridiculous as something far greater: a clash of two different varieties of ridiculous. The Bransens were non-eliminated, and then the families all executed a Roadblock that managed to be quite boring in spite of involving both the flouting of gravity and the possibility of airborne vomiting. The Weaver girls showed their class and sophistication by throwing trash out of a car window at the Godlewskis and keeping their pinkies in the air the whole time. At the Detour, the Linzes excelled while the Paolos bailed their boat in vain. The Linzes found themselves aced out of the win by the Gadzookskis, and ultimately, DJ, Mama Paolo, and the entire Harangue Gang were bounced from the game and went back to their regularly scheduled arguing and squawking and garbage collecting. Unfortunately, their Philimination was not the perfect outcome, because the Weavers were ramping up their awfulness to the point where I would rather be kissed on the mouth by DJ Paolo with tongue than sit through a massage and pedicure with Rachel Weaver. Also, Nick asked to be called "Alex," and vice-versa.
Credits. In the Sequesterville of my imagination, the Rogers family was made to sit in that boat for the remainder of the race after they were eliminated. I like the idea of Brock being all, "Oh...I don't know, Dad, you can do the rowing. I wouldn't want to go the wrong direction or anything. You know how I can sometimes go the wrong direction. Oh, wait � that was you! My bad!" And then Brock would sneak a cigarette and listen to something really bad-ass on his iPod, like Nickelback. (Brittney, you just know, would be listening to Carrie Underwood singing "Jesus, Take The Wheel.") (Which, incidentally, I am assuming is being marketed ironically, in the tradition of tragic Shangri-Las classics like "Give Us Your Blessings" and "Past, Present, and Future," because otherwise, it kind of makes me cry, and not for the intended reasons.) [BOMP.]
Commercials. The Amazing Achievement last week was Rolly obediently pulling the controls in a fighter plane? Wow. I am having a premonition that week's Amazing Achievement will be an extra-dramatic right on red. Or a merge. Merging is amaaazing.
“ 'It's just, like, you know..."shut up."' I certainly feel Michelle's pain on that front, considering some of the people I've recapped over the years, Mirna. ”
We swoop in over the desert, complete with its stereotypical "Welcome To Arizona" Saguaro cactus, hired by the state tourism board, which is standing there in that "I want to wear a cowboy hat and dance with you and play the harmonica" pose that the Saguaro is always adopting, as if it is just waiting for its chance to be anthropomorphized. Phil explains that we are at Lake Powell, which was formed by the construction of a dam that flooded the desert, and which was the eighth pit stop. The best thing about this sequence, however, is the burnt-orange shirt on Phil. It's such a relief when Phil isn't working in sweater weather. He wonders whether the Weavers' "continued alienation" from everyone will affect them, and whether the Linzes can stop coming in second and grab themselves a victory in something other than farting. And making jokes about farting. And thinking about farting.
5:45 AM. The Goodlookskis, not so much pink today as a combination of yellow and purple, prepare for their departure. The clue tells them to drive what Phil says is 136 miles to Monument Valley, Utah. Phil calls it a "spectacular landscape." I'm not saying that's plot-critical, but you should keep it in mind. Monument Valley was big in John Ford movies, so they need to get to John Ford's Point, where they'll find another clue. It's really too bad they couldn't have started out in Manhattan by being sent to Martin Scorsese's Gritty Dumpster or Woody Allen's Homogenized Jazz Club. Christine is already shrieking as they get on the boat to leave the pit stop, and Sharon gives her first "chill out" lecture of the day. One suspects that it may be the first of many.
Christine notes in an interview that she had hoped the sisters would all get to know each other better on the race, and she's a little bit bummed that hasn't happened. As one of the EEFPs pointed out, of course, it's not so much that they haven't gotten to know each other any better as it is that they got to know each other and haven't especially liked what they found out. Familiarity may not always breed contempt, but it doesn't always breed affection, either, as you know if you've ever...well, known anyone. Sharon insists that even on a gabble-gabbling team like hers, Christine is particularly gabble-rrific, and Michelle adds that Christine will in fact talk every day until she fills her quota of words she needs to say that day. Unlike, I guess, the soft-spoken Michelle, who keeps to herself until it's time to say, "What do you mean, 'Oh, God'?" Michelle, on Christine: "It's just, like, you know...'shut up.'" I certainly feel Michelle's pain on that front, considering some of the people I've recapped over the years, Mirna. As if to prove Michelle's point, Christine does indeed shriek all the way to the parking lot, where they discover that today, their SUV comes equipped with a giant camping trailer they have to drag. There is no immediately obvious reason for this, other than the inherent humor in large, awkward objects. When they can't tip over on Flo, they're not quite as hilarious, but the point remains the same.
“ I'm sort of...out of things to say about how rude they are, but I'd point out that this is much more actively awful to strangers than most people have been in the history of the entire show. ”
7:30 AM. The Bransens leave. 7:45 AM. The Godlewskis follow. In the Gadzookski car, Christine reads the part of the clue about how they can't "yell or run while on this property." "Yell or run," Michelle repeats while staring out the window. "Two big bad things for us." Heh.
The Linzes arrive in Heber City and realize they need some directions. "Make a right and ask this lady," one of them suggests. "That's a dude," someone else says. The lady-dude tells them that Little Sweden Road was about two miles back. The Weavers stop for directions as well. The Linzes are the first to arrive at the marked parking area on Little Sweden Road and the alleged location of Bart. They run up to a house with rather exotic plants and fancy doodads on the front porch, and the lady who emerges tells them to go around the side of the house to find Bart. When they get into the backyard, they find Bart, lumbering up a hill with their clue in his mouth. I guess Bart pays the bills on that front porch, so he is to be congratulated. Someone makes the obligatory "pick-a-nic basket" joke once they have the clue in hand, because if you couldn't count on a Linz boy to talk like a cartoon, you couldn't count on him for anything. The clue tells them to head for the Utah Olympic Park to find another clue. Phil explains that if you've forgotten, Park City, Utah was the home of the 2002 Winter Olympics, and he says that the teams will have to find the park and search for a clue. The clue also announces: "Caution. There is a Yield ahead." They head for Park City on 40, which is the interstate, which is a right and sane maneuver.
As the Linzes leave town, they pass the Weavers coming the other direction. The Weavers, for no particular reason I can think of, decide to duck down so the Linzes can't see them...or something...but the Linzes are quite aware of what's going on. They see you when you're sleeping, they know when you're awake...they're like Santa in that sense, which means that for the Weavers, according to the transitive property, they're kind of like God. Interesting. Didn't think that was going to come out there, did you? The Bransens are entering town as well.
The Weavers get to Bart's house. They think Bart is awesome, but you can tell Bart immediately hates them and wishes he could eat them. He doesn't, for insurance reasons. When the Weavers get the clue and find out that there's a Yield coming, they're not happy at all and agree that they'll have to really hurry to avoid being Yielded. As they look at the map in the car, Rebecca announces that 40 North will take them "too high up," so they shouldn't take that route. Instead, they decide to take something called "92," which isn't even particularly easy to find on a map, as the EEFPs found out. Once they're on this little winding road, Rolly notices some bikers, and he declares out the window, "You wish you were Lance Armstrong!" I'm sort of...out of things to say about how rude they are, but I'd point out that this is much more actively awful to strangers than most people have been in the history of the entire show. What did those bikers do to Rolly, exactly? Is this against Mama's beliefs? Why isn't she telling him to cram it?