The Devil Made Me Do It

Credits. Look, it's the Travelocity sunset! And the Travelocity glacier! And the Travelocity monkey! [TRAVELOCITOMP.]

Commercials. Things I didn't know: (1) The Blade Trinity is available on DVD. (2) There is a Blade Trinity.

We return to Istanbul, Turkey, which Phil reminds us lies on the border of Europe and Asia. And outside Istanbul, we are at the pit stop, at a 550-year-old fortress where Phil has found himself some decent clothes. He reminds us about the non-elimination as we look at Ron and Kelly and wonder whether Ron gets to keep the harness as part of the "clothes on his back." Hey, beauty queens get as kinky as anyone else, and don't let them tell you different. What do you think all that fire-baton shit is about? Anyway, Phil wonders aloud whether the loss of their money and possessions will do in Ron and Kelly, given that they didn't seem to have that far to fall anyway, and whether the Underestimated Alliance of Uchenna and Joyce and Meredith and Gretchen will hold onto its newfound lead. Well, it will if Rob doesn't shut his yap.

10:53 PM. Uchenna and Joyce. They excitedly (as usual) rip open their clue to find that it sends them ten miles to the Sirkeci Train Station, where they will find a room full of dervishes. Phil explains that these are the "whirling dervishes" with which you may be familiar in a figurative sense, who in a literal sense are a religious sect that performs a ritual in which its members spin to show devotion. In the room of dervishes, you'll find your clue. Joyce also rattles off that the teams who are getting money will have $477 for the leg. Pretty hefty -- plenty enough to buy all the magazines with your own pictures on them! (Where applicable.) Uchenna hollers for a taxi, which shows up immediately (heh), and they hop in and ask for the train station. Joyce voices over that in their regular lives, they have a tendency to go in different directions (you'll have to take their word for it), so the race has brought them together. They show up at the train station, and when they find what they believe to be the right room, they're escorted inside.

In the dervish room, there are indeed five people spinning in a large, otherwise basically empty space. They wear white robes with fullwell, "skirts"that billow out as the dervishes spin. The posture involves the head tipped to one side, the arms held out, and the remarkable ability to spin in one spot without gradually working your way across the floor like an unbalanced washing machine. Uchenna declares it "beautiful," whichI don't know if I'd call it "beautiful." I'd certainly call it "interesting." The expressionless faces, however, make me a little uneasy. The clue box just inside the door of the room beckons, and when Uchenna and Joyce read the clue, it instructs them to fly to London. Phil explains that this is about 2000 miles, but doesn't mention what's really noteworthy about it, which is that this is apparently the first time the teams will not actually continue east all the way around the world, but will double back, doing more like a north-south tour. I understand normal people don't care, but obsessive race-trivia freaks such as myself? We care a great deal. The clue instructs them, once they get to London, to find the crosswalk made famous on a Beatles album cover. They'll have to figure out that they need Abbey Road, and then that's where the clue is. They take one more look at the dervishes and leave. In the cab, Uchenna comes up with Abbey Road, and Joyce thinks that sounds right.

11:57 PM. Meredith and Gretchen. As they leave, Gretchen talks about what a "thrill" it is for them to be the oldest couple ever to be this deep into the race. They hop in a cab and head for the train station as she says that they just wanted to make it a few legs in without "embarrassing [them]selves" -- super attitude! -- and here they are, in the final four. I will give them this much -- I certainly wouldn't have called it, these people in the final four.

Uchenna and Joyce find the airport and look for flights to London. They ask at Turkish Airlines, and they learn that the first flight out is at 8:30 AM. They buy tickets on this direct flight to London. Incidentally, Joyce is still very gorgeous without any hair. After they get the tickets for the direct flight, Uchenna mentions to Joyce that they haven't looked at options other than a direct flight -- it's always possible that there's a flight with a connection that would be faster. She tells him she thinks they should stick with the direct flight, because with a connection involved, "anything can happen." Ooh, bad move. That's too risk-averse for this stage of the game. That's first-leg thinking. They're going to have to get a little bolder than that, probably, if they're going to win.

Meredith and Gretchen are at the train station. Inside, she declares the dervishes "wonderful." They open the clue, and after they read about the Beatles album cover, Gretchen complains (shockingly), "I'd rather it would be Mel Torme." Well, sure. Because the Beatles are so modern, nobody knows them but the kids. I mean, seriously. It was freaking forty years ago. They don't really qualify for characterization as "newfangled." Or "whippersnappers." It's the damn Beatles. God. Anyway, they get a cab and go to the airport.

12:37 AM. Rob and Amber. Rob shows off his usual expert dick-tion as he reads the clue about the "deverish [sic]." Come on, sound it out, dude -- you sound like a twit. They get a cab, and Amber tells us that they know that close to the end, it's easy to make stupid mistakes. She also says they have no idea what a dervish is. And out of context, I wouldn't either. I mean, I know the expression, certainly, but I doubt I could have come up with the fact that it's a religious sect with a spinning ritual. Nor do I know whether, without the "whirling" in front of it, I'd even have recognized it from the expression. ["I would have, but solely because my mother used the word 'dervishes' constantly in the service of telling us not to run through the kitchen." -- Sars] At any rate, they head for the train station. "I think it's atopless woman," Rob somewhat predictably says, because he's the kind of guy who will insert the words "topless woman" into sentences almost at random, the way other people will insert "um." The editors provide a Phil-esque eyebrow-pop from the cab driver.

At the airport, Meredith and Gretchen also deal with Turkish Airlines and get the 8:30 AM direct flight.

12:53 AM. Ron and Kelly. They note that they have absolutely no money, and as they go, Ron notes that Kelly will, in particular, feel rather acutely the absence of makeup following the loss of their possessions. "She's really surprised me," he says, "and I think I've seen everything I want to see out of her on this race." Wow, there's a comment that could be taken in a couple of ways. Has he seen everything he hoped to see? Or has he seen everything he can tolerate seeing and can't stand to look at her if she's going to get worse? Because if it's the second one, you're going to see this poor ex-POW conking into a hell of a lot of clue boxes stumbling around with his eyes closed. Kelly voices over that once a upon a time, she wanted to marry Ron, but now, she's "just not sure." I wonder whether the fact that he doesn't seem to want to marry her at the moment is having any effect on that calculus. She says my favorite thing, which is that she hopes the race will show them whether they're meant to be together. Bleh. Somewhere, Brian and Greg are laughing.

In the street, Ron and Kelly encounter some drunks staggering home from a bar, and that's not going to be a good start to their begging efforts at all. You don't want your "begging" to become "rolling," because that would sort of make you feel sad. They go into a store of some kind , and they ask for money. A guy inside says, "From, from which country?" Hmm, not sure how I'd feel about answering that one. "We're from America," Kelly says. "America," the guy repeats. She says they need help, and the guy tells them to come with him. Outside, he rounds up some money for them from some guys (?), and Kelly thanks him as Ron counts out eight million Turkish lira. , they hail a cab, and Kelly begs the driver for mercy, explaining that they only have six million lira. Heh. Crafty! The driver agrees to take them.

At the train station, despite not knowing what a dervish is, Rob and Amber have made their way into the dervish room. "This looks like they-eh dead," Rob says, showing his usual delicate touch. I'm not sure I've ever seen the dead whirl, and I think I'd be concerned if I did, but there is something rather ghostly about the white robe and the oddly splayed arms and the face that doesn't look at you. It's either a little like a ghost or a little like a lot of girls having a very unusual First Communion. "Yeah, I don't like it. It's spooky," Amber says. "It's like they're hanging from something." Which is exactly what I thought when I saw them, because of the arms. They rip the clue and read the part about the Beatles album cover. "Oh, my dad's going to kill me" Rob says. And then he tentatively adds, "Abbey Road?" I really think the sound guys should have added a "ding!" sound right there, but they didn't. Instead, you get the sound of Amber thinking that sounds right. Outside, they get a cab to the airport. In the cab, Rob shows the driver a little spiral notebook in which a few things are written, and the driver nods and hands it back. Rob shows the book to the camera and explains that it's his "Turkish translation." What's written on the page are the words "Please go fast," along with what is presumably the Turkish equivalent. The book also shows "Please help me," along with the slightly less generic "Where is the museum?" They're no dummies, those two. I'm betting if you turn the page, it also has the Turkish translation for, "Our wedding will be airing May 24th on CBS."

At the airport, they find the direct flight to London. They then make their way to a ticket counter, where the lady is willing to let them use the internet, so they log on to Expedia (ha ha ha!), and they find a flight that connects through Frankfurt. This one leaves at 5:50 AM and gets in at 9:00 AM, which is an hour and a half earlier than the direct flight. The bad news is that the Frankfurt-London half of this flight is allegedly full. "Can you put us on a waiting list?" Amber asks. Rob turns around, dubious. "Baby, this is, like, very, very risky," he says. "That's fine," she says. I like the fact that it seems like she's the one who's pushing for the risky move. Rob says that the two of them decided to risk it and get on the early flight and hope to fly standby from Frankfurt to London. And of course, here, they don't show them getting any information about how likely it is that they'll make it onto the flight, and I'm guessing they probably had some. Nevertheless, this option will indeed mean sitting on the waiting list, and Rob explains in an interview that if they don't get the connecting flight, they're going to be totally screwed.

As they're leaving, it's Amber who says to the woman with a smile, "Don't let anybody else use the internet." Look how evil she's getting! Bad influence, bad influence! "Please, nobody else," Rob repeats. The woman laughs as they leave. I don't think she's going to be turning down any business over having given her sacred word of honor not to spread the internet around.