Aerial shot of Boston. Ray's in Glenn's office, telling him about kissing Jenny. Glenn fiddles his hands and calls Ray "Raymond" instead of "Dink" and says he's okay with it if Ray really likes Jenny and is not just in it for a "pleasure ride." Ray says sincerely that he does really like Jenny, then asks, "E-ticket?" Heh. I would have said, "Funhouse?" But then I wouldn't bother opening the can of worms that is dating your best friend's ex. That only leads to opening a can of whoop-ass later on. Glenn leaps to his feet and heads off to court. Ray asks about Glenn and "the thin mint." Hee. Glenn reports that she called him "a boy" and that she's "not inclined to date someone she doesn't have a real future with." Ray says, "Bitch!" Hee! I would have added she's probably lying, too. And lame, and not worth the trouble, and not hot, but I'll stop. Oh, and has bad hair. Okay, now I'll stop.
Glenn strides down the corridor, only to be out-strode by the very beautiful and glamorous Jacqueline Bisset, who's wearing slim dark boots, a short skirt, and a beige trench coat. Glenn, she says. Frances, he says. What is she doing here? Looking for Jenny. She adds that Glenn looks fabulous. Frances, you look fabulous. And I loved you in Class! I wonder how many people tell her that. Anyway, Jenny is wearing the indie-rock fall uniform of 1999, which is an oxford shirt under a tight maroon sweater (navy is also acceptable), and seems less than thrilled to see her mom at the office. Yes, Jackie Bisset is supposed to be Jenny's mom. I know. If Jenny still harbors mom issues, one might be that her mom is ten times sexier and far more attractive than herself. But I guess the mom issues will eventually reveal themselves over the remaining seventeen episodes of this stupid season, so I don't need to figure them all out now. Jenny drags her mom into a private area, leaving Glenn, Ray, and Fish to drool over Jenny's hot mom. Fish is particularly intrigued. His boners have boners. Oh, boy.
Jenny's mom has been fired for having a relationship with a younger man; also, she's marrying him. Jenny isn't happy to hear all of this: "Is this what you came to tell me?" Could you show a little more respect for your mother, young lady? Jackie Bisset doesn't say that; that was me. Jackie says she's come to "hire this law firm," though the closed captioning says, "save this law firm," because she's heard Cage & Fish is great with sexual-harassment cases, and that there's a "fabulous little dwarf called 'the croissant.'" Hee! That would be The Biscuit, who Jenny says is "full-size." And "missing." "Missing"?
Then, we're in Ally's office, who says "missing" again, and stammers a bit. Will Ally represent Jackie? Oh, and the trial is tomorrow. Jackie fired her last lawyer and the judge won't accept a continuation again. Why is every fucking trial "tomorrow"? And wouldn't Jenny have a semblance of a clue as to what's going on in her mother's life? Ray knocks on the door to talk about the kiss he and Jenny shared. He wants to date her. Jenny wants to think about it. Ray says sure, adding, "If the answer is no, would you object to me dating your mother?" Jenny retorts that her mother is getting married. Ray shoots back, "Great! That's one obstacle removed." What?
Aerial shot of Boston. Day turns to night. The blues play heavily on a piano. Hey, it's Elton John playing "Wasted Days and Nights." Sort of like the time spent watching this show. Get it? "Wasted Days and Nights"? Ling complains that they've hired another singer, and how do they expect people to keep up? Nelle explains that that's Elton John, who's "trying out new material." "Oh," says Ling. "Could they get him to turn it down?" Hee! Elton continues at full volume, and hey, is Edgar Winter in his band? Or is that some other fair-haired old rocker guy? Anyway. Fish and Ray share a little horny-bastard talk at a table. Fish wants Jenny's mom. Her wattle? Extraordinary. Ray asks what Fish thinks about him and Jenny. Fish says it's hard to tell, because he doesn't care. Dude, me too! Then, that he wants to lure Jenny's mom into the hole. Ray blinks and nods, knowing he's upstaged and outclassed. But hotter.
Elton's song fades into the Boston night sky, and we land in Ally's office, where she expositionally says that she can't believe she's stuck preparing for trial tomorrow when Elton John is in the bar. Glenn says he heard Sting sang there last year. Yup, says Ally: "He sang with my boyfriend." Glenn asks, "Your boyfriend sang with Sting?" Yeah. And Ally sang with Barry Manilow. Glenn, honey, your day will come. Some lovable old dinosaur will have a record that needs promoting and you'll get to pretend to be thrilled to share the stage with him or her. Won't that be a cool rite-of-passage thing for your character? Except not? Yeah. Glenn asks, "What happened to him?" Ally says she thinks a VH1 special. No, Glenn means her boyfriend "him," not Barry Manilow "him." "We broke up. !" Glenn is all, "Is there a ''?" He shoots her a funny look. Ally doesn't get it. They are never, ever going to do it, are they? Glenn says he had a dream about Ally last night; she, rather rudely, says, "Duh! I was there!" Oh, boy. She stammers to cover, then listens as Glenn tells his dream: they were water-skiing, but Ally was too afraid to "grab the rope." Heh. What could that mean? Ally wonders. Jenny bursts in and says, "It means you want to go skiing, but are too afraid to grab the rope. You guys ready? Where's my mother?" Not here, and they are ready. Ally says the case is "straightforward." Whatever. The elevator dings, and Jenny cringes. Time to meet the new stepdad! They three lawyers march out, and see Jackie holding the arm of a much younger man: Tim. Tim is younger than Jenny. Ally is agog, Glenn gently stunned. Jenny? Manages a conflicted smile. The violins swell, and I guess we have yet another nutty situation. Yawn.
Another aerial shot of Boston. Yay, more beer! Jenny's in Ally's office, trying to convince her to lose her mom's case on purpose. Because this marriage to a younger guy thing! Is so icky! He's only twenty-two, for lord's sake! And it has to be only about sex! Ick ick ick! Oh my god, this is just like Class, except Rob Lowe is hot and has less issues! Jenny's mom comes in and asks if it isn't unethical to lose a case on purpose. That, and stupid, too. Jenny is all, why, mom, why? HOW could you date such a young, hot guy? I can't see why this is so shocking. My granddad dated a woman so young, his in-laws were even younger then he. ["Your granddad is Michael Douglas?" -- Wing Chun] Guess how much I loved pointing this out? And still do. Love you, Granddad! So I guess I live in the real (albeit dysfunctional) world, and Jenny lives in DEK-ville, where wattles fly and babies dance, and people take pleasure in misfortune and wallow in unhappiness rather then just accept scandal and try to deal. Jenny's mom says that she used to "look for everything in a man," but now she'll just "compartmentalize!" Heh.
Corretta and Elaine are in the unisex. Corretta comments on what a sexually charged workplace this is. Elaine is all, "Isn't it grrreat!" But Corretta isn't "getting any." Neither is Elaine! Aw, they're bonding. Isn't it cute? Nelle comes out of a stall and rolls her eyes so hard I can hear them tumbling in her skull. What the hell top is she wearing? A v-neck and a turtleneck combo, together at last in the same sweater? Is this what demon aunts knit in hell? "Is this appropriate talk?" They're in a bathroom, Elaine points out. And is Nelle getting any? Oh please. All she has to do "is snap [her] fingers..." and she snaps her fingers right in Richard's face, who's popped up behind her. Well, she proved her point. Nelle makes to leave and says hello to Jenny's mom. Richard sees his opening and makes his move. Would Jackie mind stepping into this stall to hear Richard's private thought? Run, Jackie Bisset. Run like the wind. Once inside the hole, Richard makes his pitch. "Money. I'm not suggesting love can be bought, but...." He uses to remote to flick on the hole stereo (hol-e-o? stere-hole?) and the extra-heavy bass of "Brick House" pumps out. Jackie is all, you may have bitten off more than you can chew. Richard says he's "chewed a lot." Hee. Does Richard think he could kiss her without ending up a puddle on the floor? Richard says he doesn't usually turn to liquid, if you know what he means, and I know that you do. She plants one on him, and he melts like jelly on a baby's fingers in springtime. Well. Go Jackie Bisset!
I Need Love
“ Is this a new low? Is it? It's so dark down here in the new low. I can barely see. ”
Court. The incestment...whoops, I mean "investment" banking firm that canned Jackie is making their case. They need people to trust them in order to do business. Jackie "dating a twenty-year-old" undermines that trust. And every client would know, because they "work the cocktail circuit" and "do a lot of socializing." Oh, christ. This shit is so ridiculous. Ally steps up. What about a fifty-year-old man and a twenty-two-year-old woman? Huh? What about that, huh? Well? The man on the stand says he'd question that man's judgment as well. Does the fifty-year-old deserve to lose his job over it? And what if Ally and he dated? Well, that would be different, because Ally, says the man on the stand, "is in [her] forties." In Fantasy Mode, Ally picks him up over her head and spins him around, pro-wrestling style. Nothing further!
Judge Ling is on the air. She's hearing a car-wax product liability case. The plaintiff is complaining that the wax made his car duller than before he used it. On a sunny day, the defect is detectable! Ling suggests driving the car only on cloudy days. Speaking of duller...Ling covers the mic with her hand and reminds the plaintiff that this is a TV show, and the cases need to be interesting. Ling finds for the defendant. Oh, Ling. How the mighty bitch has fallen.
There's a new older man on the stand, who says he chose not to do $6 million worth of business with the investment firm that had employed Jenny's hot mom. One wants an investment banker "who projects conservatism, especially in today's volatile market." Isn't what one wants in an investment firm a matter of personal choice, up to the individual who's investing? Not a universal? Oh, whatever. Fuck you, David E. Kelley. The man on the stand says that he may have not been "fair," but "his gut" told him that a woman who "runs around" with a twenty-year-old is "fun-loving, maybe even radical, which are qualities [he] loves in a person -- [he'd] like to date her! -- but as far as entrusting [his] money, well...." Is this a new low? Is it? It's so dark down here in the new low. I can barely see. Ally and Glenn confer on whether to cross-examine, and end up staring into each other's eyes like puppies in a velvet painting.
This moment segues with double-hemmed seams into Ally's first visit this episode to El Shrinkador. She was lost. In Glenn's eyes. Duh. She needs "mental help," she says. Duh infinity, I say. Ally read an article, she says, that claimed that "since the world changed in September," everyone is having sex. Wow, nice transition, DEK. Maybe week you can hang a few American flags around the "streets" of "Boston," you know, to contemporize things a bit? You know, to put things really in context! Maybe a lapel pin or two? And what the fuck magazines are Ally reading? Slut Lawyers Journal? In Vogue and Allure, they've been totally sensitive to the situation, not suggesting that everyone's having a fuckfest because of the tragedy. Ally says that, post 9/11, the thing to do is fuck on the first date. "Boom. Boom, boom! Why live for tomorrow? Why not now?" The shrink says, "You want some boom-boom?" Hee. This guy would be so fired, but hee. How can you have a shrink you don't pay attention to? Ally does. Ally says that her whole life is about living for tomorrow, an-an-and, now "with this whole new prospect that there might not be a tomorrow..." She wants boom-boom with Glenn, says the shrink. She asks that El Shrinkador take her seriously. He says he can't. Hey, maybe he isn't fired! "Your world hasn't changed a bit." Oh, so this is how DEK can rationalize making a footnote of 9/11. Because it didn't affect ALLY. Right. What Ally wants, says El Shrinkador, is the same thing she's always wanted: love. It's the title of this episode, in fact, and the title of Elton John's newest hit song, which, as you know, was lip-synched by none other than Robert Downey motherfucking Junior in the video. So, could Ally find love with the boy? The oboe plays sadly, and we're out.