Previously on Alias: Anna Espinosa shed her DNA and absorbed Sydney's, so now she's "SydAnna" and she wears the Evil Eyeliner of Evilness.
We begin in Jaipur as Syd is pulling up to some office in a Jeep. She's wearing the loudest, pinkest business suit ever to fall off the Ivana Trump Classics shelf at Sears and has paired it with matching pink sunglasses and a matching pink phone. Her wig, thankfully, is NOT pink; it's blonde. Jennifer Garner pulls out White Trash Accent #988 for this character. Lots of "Hiyas" and "Hey theres" and "ain'ts." Syd's pretending to be a perfume designer who needs to outsource her customer service to India. She meets with the head of the Jaipur call center, and they walk inside the building.
After Syd sees the multitude of operators inside the call center, we switch back in time to Marshall's Garage of Geekiness, where Marsh is telling Syd that they got a lead on Anna, and she's routing her calls through the call center in Jaipur using an encrypted router. She's piggybacking off the call center's system. Syd has to get to the router and remove the encryption key so that they can listen in the time Anna makes a call. They may even be able to find her location. All Syd has to do is get the bottle of "L'eau de Passion" within five feet of a Wi-Fi access point so they can map the calls. Syd raises an eyebrow at the name of the perfume. Marshall's all, oh, what? Too tacky? "I'll work with it," quips Syd, running off to put on her pink white trash suit.
Back in the present, Syd starts spraying the stanky perfume all over this one poor woman who looks like she thinks the perfume smells like an old lady's crotch or something. Syd drops the bottle on the woman's desk, right to a wireless router. Elsewhere in the building, Élodie gets the signal Syd just set up for her and starts mapping the system. She discovers that the router isn't outside the building; it's inside. Syd starts to back out of the situation, but Élodie tells her to stay put and follow her lead.
Suddenly, Élodie busts into the call center with her gun held high and starts ordering everyone not to move. Then she grabs Syd and shoves her to the floor when she sees the encrypted router beneath one of the tables. To distract the others, she starts demanding everyone's valuables. While on the floor, Syd quickly finds the router and cracks it open to remove the encryption key. She and Élodie hit the bricks with Syd dropping the bag full of valuables onto a trash can outside the center. Élodie's all, "Hey! I saw a watch I liked!" Syd's all, "This is Jaipur. Do you really think it's not a knockoff?" Then they head to their getaway car with Syd commending Élodie on a job well done and inviting her to join APO. Élodie's like, dude? I'm a thief and an assassin; I'm thinking my skills aren't really suitable to a legal organization.
Barcelona. Sloane's paying a wee little visit to Angus McFatten. Sloane's royally pissed off that Angus neglected to mention that Nadia's cure will only work if her heart is stopped for thirty seconds. "You're asking me to kill my daughter!" he snaps. "I'm asking you to have faith in Rambaldi." Sloane's like, whoa! Hold the phone! What's this Rambaldi crap you're talkin'? Angus explains that, since it was a Rambaldi invention that made Nadia the way she is, wouldn't it stand to reason that it would be Rambaldi who invented the cure? Angus claims that, if things had worked out differently, Sloane would be on their side, working toward realizing Rambaldi's greatest achievement. Angus says he still could be on their side if he wanted to. Sloane says that his Rambaldi days are over. Now he just wants his daughter back; if only for another hour or so until he shoves her into an inconveniently placed glass table and she bites it for good. Not that that happens or anything.
Apple Store. Dix runs up to Jack and tells him that Anna's line just went active, and that Marsh and Rachel are standing by to intercept. Everyone runs over to the Conference Room of Endless Exposition. We hear two voices on the line, and one of them is a French guy, while the other is actually Peyton, not Anna. Marshall tries to pinpoint the French guy's location while Peyton carries on a conversation with him that lets us know that she wants him to do business with her, and she's already transferred some incentive money into his account. Rachel gets a satellite feed up on the guy and they watch as he pulls a case from beneath a bench and opens it, revealing Page 47 within.
The French guy asks Peyton what he wants him to do with it, and she says that she wants him to translate a message that's hidden in a portion of the manuscript. Marshall pinpoints Peyton's location as being in Barcelona. Unfortunately, Peyton hangs up before Marshall can get a more specific location for her. She turns and says to SydAnna that she's not sure about the French guy. SydAnna just squints her kohl-lined eyes and says that he's the best there is; if he can't find it, no one can. God, is that all SydAnna's going to do now? Wear black eyeliner and husk around Prophet Five HQ? Because...boooooring. Back at APO, Jack tasks Rachel and Marshall with identifying the French guy. If they can ID him, then maybe they can pull him into custody and get to SydAnna before she gets to him. Then he orders Getty and Dixon to reach out to all their Barcelona contacts to find out if Prophet Five has a new outpost there.
Dix wonders about the message and Getty's all, "You mean the one hidden in a 500-year-old document? What, we're taking that seriously now?" Both Jack and Dixon are like, "Well, duh! Taking that seriously makes about as much sense as the rest of the shit we take seriously around here, so suck it up, junior!" Jack says that he's going to visit Sloane and he's taking their copy of Page 47 with him, dammit! Maybe Sloane knows something they don't about the page.
Over at Nadia's hospital, Sloane readies the serum for his daughter. He makes this little speech about how he can't just let her lie there like that, not if there's a way to get her back. He kisses her forehead and then pulls out her IV and turns off all her life support equipment. He holds a piece of rubber over her face as she struggles against it. Finally, her heart stops and Sloane weeps over her "dead" body.
And now is the time on Alias when we get bootylicious on your ass.
After the break, Sloane starts his watch and gets a syringe ready. Unfortunately, Jack shows up and thinks that Sloane's trying to kill Nadia instead of cure her. He tries to get the syringe away from Sloane, but finally Sloane throws Jack off and injects Nadia directly into the neck with the cure. He thinks he's too late with it because Nadia just lays there like a plate of wilted spinach. "It was a cure, Jack!" he spits at Jack. "A cure!" Suddenly, Nadia comes to. Sloane soothes his daughter as Jack watches with concern.
Apple Store. Syd and Dix are discussing how SydAnna's now working with Prophet Five. Syd wonders aloud why Prophet Five, who's always been low profile, would suddenly hook up with a high-profile assassin-for-hire like SydAnna. Dix surmises that maybe there's something that only SydAnna can do. You know, like soak up Sydney's DNA and bring Rambaldi's end game to fruition. Rachel enters and says that they identified the French guy as Mauritz Koller. Koller used to be a famous art historian until he forged DaVinci's lost drawings. Now he's freelance. Rachel discovered that Koller worked with Élodie more than once, so she should know how to find the man. Marshall enters and breathlessly tells Syd that her sister's awake.
Speaking of her sister, Nadia's being prodded and poked by a doctor as Sloane and Jack watch from outside. Jack asks why Sloane didn't tell him about the cure he found, and Sloane lies that he didn't want anyone to know because the cure he found was outside the domain of conventional medicine and most likely illegal. Also? It was Rambaldi Juice. Also also? It's probably going to make Nadia come back from the dead later. Sloane says that it was a study out of Barcelona that gave him final cure. Jack's all, Barcelona? Reaaaaaally? Well, isn't THAT convenient? Syd walks up and immediately goes inside to see her sister. Nadia smiles at her sister as if she hasn't been lying prone for a year getting bedsores and enduring atrophied muscles. The doctor tells Sloane and Jack that he'd like to keep Nadia at the hospital for continued tests and Sloane tells him to stick his stethoscope were the sun don't shine because he's taking his little girl home. Sloane goes in to see Nadia and Jack calls Dix. He wants him to look into Sloane's recent activities and travel itineraries, particularly anything involving...Barcelona.
After the break, Syd sashays into her father's office where he and Dix are waiting for her. She asks if they found Koller and Jack tells her that Getty just left for Paris to meet up with Élodie. Syd's all, uh, then if you didn't find him, what the hell are you doing calling me away from my sister? Dix informs her that Sloane's made several trips to Barcelona, including one right before they intercepted Peyton's call to Koller. Jack says that Sloane acquired the cure in Barcelona and that, since that's where Prophet Five is now based, it paints Sloane in a not-so-favorable light. Oddly, Syd defends Sloane, saying that even though he used to be a fool for Rambaldi's love, he's abandoned all that to care for his daughter. Jack's not so sure. Syd says fine, continue your pursuit of Sloane, but don't come to me until you have something concrete, okay?
Sloane and Nadia are sitting in a park, the silence between them slightly awkward. Well, after all, Sloane DID turn his daughter into a Rambaldi-scrawling red-eyed freak. Makes for uncomfortable small talk, no? They're waiting on Sydney and Isabelle. Nadia mentions that she's looking forward to changing diapers in the middle of the night and Sloane's all, oh. So...you're moving in with your sister? And Nadia's all, uh, yeah, Dad. Sorry. I figured this would give you more time to look creepy and catch up on all your Rambaldi reading. Sloane's clearly disappointed by Nadia's living arrangements.
Sydney arrives just then with a stroller and she hauls out a totally different baby than last week. This one's slightly younger and has about a quarter of the hair that the other baby had. According to one of the casting dudes, the babies who played Isabelle last week were sick or something, so they had to cast another set of babies, and finding babies last minute is apparently harder than you'd think, especially babies who are totally supposed to be Rambaldi. Anyway, Nadia holds the baby and the girls coo over her and Sloane leaves, telling them that he's going to the Apple Store. Syd looks at him sadly as he goes.
Apple Store. Jack hands over the leave of absence form Sloane requested and tells him that he should be spending this time with Nadia. "Unfortunately, I'm not sure she feels the same," says Sloane, upset that his daughter won't be living with him. Jack then says that SydAnna gave Page 47 to Prophet Five, and that they're looking for a hidden message encoded in the text; would Sloane happen to know anything about that? Sloane says that he doesn't. Jack says that Marshall's close to decoding it and he'd be happy to let Sloane know what they find out. Sloane says he'd rather not know, what with him being obsessed with all things Rambaldi and everything. Sloane leaves, passing Dix on the way. Dix tells Jack that he's talked to Marshall, and he'll confirm he's working on Page 47 if Sloane goes to him. There are also taps in place at Sloane's house so if he alerts P5, APO will know. Ah, so it's all a clever ruse to bait Sloane into giving up that he's working with Prophet Five! Excellent.
Ah, Paris. Getty and Élodie are meandering along the fake Seine, waiting for the ten o'clock hour so that they can call Koller. Getty checks his watch and declares that it's ten. Élodie says it's 9:59. Getty says he wasn't aware that the French were so punctual. Élodie says they aren't, and it's the Americans who are always in a hurry. "And we get fat, too," snits Getty. "Is there anything else?" Yes, sometimes we're rude in foreign countries. Oh, and we seem to like war a lot. Which really sucks. A church bell rings. "Now it's ten o'clock," smirks Élodie. Heh. She calls Koller and says she needs to meet him. He says he can't because he's working on something really important. Élodie says it can't wait and that she has something more interesting to offer. He says they're paying him a fortune, so, no thanks. Élodie isn't talking about money. Koller gets a lascivious look on his face and is about to say come on over, when suddenly he stops talking. He runs a blacklight over Page 47 and notices something. He tells Élodie that he'll be able to meet with her after all and says she should come to Zurich. "We're on," says Élodie to Getty after getting off the phone.
Apple Store. Sloane's sitting at his desk, looking seasick. He picks up his phone and tells someone on the other end that he needs to meet them tonight. Meanwhile, over at Sydney's, Nadia's contemplating her hospital bracelet. She does this a lot during the episode. Because apparently Sydney, in an effort to babyproof the house, has removed all sharp objects, including the pair of scissors that could be used to cut that damn thing off Nadia's wrist. Syd enters after putting Imposter Isabelle to sleep and says that it's time for some serious girl talk. Nadia says that she wishes she'd been there for Syd when she was going through all the terrible stuff, like Vaughn dying. Syd says she knows, and that she can truly empathize with what Nadia's going through because she knows firsthand what it's like to lose years of your life.
Nadia complains that she couldn't stay with her father because ever since he came into her life, it's always the same; Rambaldi this, Rambaldi that, you're the Passenger, here drink this GreenGoo™. Nadia's sick of it. Syd, again, defends Sloane, saying that he loves her and while she was sick, Sloane was completely devoted to her. Syd's phone rings, and it's Jack. He tells her that Sloane set a meeting and he thought she should know. Syd turns to Nadia and says, "There's something you should know." We switch to Jack, heading to his car, and when he gets there, Nadia is waiting for him. She wants to go with him because she needs to know the truth about her father. They drive off.
Zurich. Élodie and her long blonde wig enter Koller's building and the guard at the desk informs Koller that she's there. She gets on the horn to Getty and tells him that security is out, and he says he just needs her to buy him a few more minutes. Koller greets Élodie happily and she enters his pad. They make small talk as Getty paints a big red square on the wall outside. For a minute, I wondered if he was going to knock three times and enter the land of the dead. Koller gets comfortable on the sofa as Élodie tells him to keep his shirt on because they're leaving. Koller's like, whuh? Élodie says they need to find Anna Espinosa and he's going to help them. Koller is all, huh and whuh? And then he says his guards will kill her and she says not to worry -- they're not leaving via the front door. Getty sticks a charge on the red square and it blows a hole clean through the building. He busts through and Koller calls Élodie a bitch. So she knocks him out cold. "I hate that word," she quips. "I'll remember that," retorts Getty. Heh.
Meanwhile, Jack and Nadia are racing toward Sloane's meet in Jack's new Ford Hybrid. Jack deadpans that the quiet car comes in handy sometimes. Jack tells Nadia that regardless of what they find, he believes that Sloane's feelings for her are genuine. "Sloane's...not the only family you have, you know," Jack says. "Thank you," says Nadia softly. They pull up outside a storage unit where Sloane parks his car. Nadia immediately gets out and runs up to get a closer look. She watches as Sloane removes a large suitcase from a box and takes it to his car. The guy he met closes the door and enters a code into the keypad outside. Then he and Sloane drive off.
Nadia runs over and immediately starts entering the code. Jack asks what the two men were saying and Nadia says she couldn’t really hear anything. She gets the door open and they go inside. Nadia starts looking in the same boxes from which Sloane removed the case. She finds a collection of her clothes. Jack surmises that Sloane was getting the clothing for her. They go on to find boxes full of files that make it look like Sloane actually WAS trying to find a cure for Nadia in Barcelona. "It appears that I've misjudged your father," says Jack. Nadia looks sad.
Torture Room of Whiny Art Historians. Koller's strung up to a fence as he shrieks for help. "You done yet?" asks Getty. Heh. Élodie says they want info on Anna Espinosa. Koller says he can't help them. Élodie holds a knife to his throat while Getty tries to talk some sense into the man. Koller spills that he has a meet set for tomorrow in Ghana with SydAnna and that the Page 47 he was working on is a fake. Getty gets on the phone to tell Syd and she decides that they should keep the meet with SydAnna so that they can use Koller as bait. Getty wonders where the real Page 47 is, and we switch to Sloane, who opens up the case he took from the storage facility. He removes a fake panel at the bottom of the case and there's the real Page 47. Looks like his little "obsession" with all things Rambaldi isn't really over, huh?
He pores over it, using tracing paper and a magnifying glass to get at the hidden message. The doorbell rings and, instead of locking the document away in a nice strong safe or something, Sloane just shoves it under his desk blotter. So much for being a criminal mastermind. He goes to the door and it's Nadia, suddenly all happy to see him and wanting to move in. She wants to get to know him and he invites her in. That night, Sloane brings her some chamomile tea (her favorite) and he admits to her that he didn't think she'd want to be with him at all. He tells her she has every right to be angry, but when he first met her, he didn't know how to be a father. But he realized that he needs her more than she will ever need him.
He goes to check on dinner, and Nadia fiddles with her hospital bracelet some more. Deciding that, of all people, Sloane probably has the greatest chance of having several thousand dangerously sharp objects hidden in and around his mansion, Nadia gets up to go find one of them so she can finally remove her bracelet. She goes directly to Sloane's desk, of course, and is in the process of cutting off the bracelet when she sees a corner of Page 47 peeking out from beneath the blotter. She pulls it out and is horrified to discover what it is.
Sloane enters and tells her to let him explain, and that she's going to have to trust him. Nadia's not really in a trusting mood here and she says that he's been lying all along. Sloane says he handed everything over to the DSR except for that one page. He couldn't part with it. Nadia's not interested in his excuses. Just talking about Rambaldi, Sloane's face and voice -- it all changes. He says that this isn't an obsession as much as it's...faith. "Did you have any idea what your faith cost me?" Nadia says, coming toward him. "What did you think -- that I was sleeping peacefully? The last twelve months were an extended nap? I heard people talking. I felt tubes being shoved down my throat. I couldn't open my eyes. I couldn't move. I couldn't scream. But I felt everything. So forgive me if I don't have much tolerance for your faith."
Nadia moves over by the fireplace as Sloane begs her to understand. She's done trying to understand. In fact, she's done period. It's time for Sloane to choose. It's her or Rambaldi. Sloane pleads with her not to make him choose between the two most important things in his life. "I suppose then, you lose us both," she says, tossing the page into the fire. Sloane gasps as suddenly, the Rambaldi symbol appears on the page. "My god," he says. "The message! I see it!" He leaps to pull the page out of the fire, but Nadia gets in the way. She doesn't want him to have it. He finally just shoves her off and she falls smack into a glass table. Sloane kind of looks down like, "Oh! How'd THAT get there?" Nadia's still alive, but she has a big chunk of glass stuck into her jugular. Sloane sobs and tries to comfort her. But she dies anyway, thinking her father loved some dead prophet more than her.
Apple Store. Marshall's filling Jack in on his plan to apprehend SydAnna. He's doing so with a big map and a collection of Mitchell's toy cars and Weebles. Heh. Jack is thoroughly disgusted by this entire escapade. Marshall starts to go into the details of the plan and Jack just goes, "Thank you. Notify me when they have her in custody." "But…I wasn't finished yet --" stutters Marshall. "That's fine. Thank you," snits Jack. "But the car was --" "I get it," snaps Jack. Hee.
Ghana. Syd and Élodie enter a room somewhere as Syd tells her that everyone's getting set up. She opens up the case she's brought with her, and inside is a sniper rifle. Élodie's amazed that she's got a Government Issue gun in her hands. Syd tells her not to get too excited; it's filled with tranq darts. Élodie's supposed to take out SydAnna when she gets her in her sights. Syd repeats her offer to join APO and Élodie declines. "When are you gonna start trusting me?" asks Syd. "I trust you," says Élodie. "It's everyone else that's the problem." Oh, she's a goner for sure. The second you trust Syd and become part of her inner circle, you're a dead man. Or woman. Or dog or cat, probably.
Everyone gets into position for the meet. Dix and Rachel are at a café, Syd's wandering through the marketplace, Getty's in a truck, Élodie's hiding out in a shop and Koller's at a table, waiting on SydAnna. Élodie gets Koller in her sights as SydAnna's car is spotted pulling up. Suddenly, the car rips off without SydAnna getting out. Everyone scrambles. Someone tipped off SydAnna about the ambush. Syd shoots the shit out of the driver and the car crashes. She opens up the door and discovers that SydAnna isn't in the car. Syd tells Élodie to block off the alleys, and Élodie leaves her post, only to meet SydAnna in the doorway. "Sydney?" says Élodie. "SLICE!" says SydAnna. Or, really, her knife says that as it cuts Élodie's throat. So, aside from being dead and all, Élodie thinks that the last person she trusted killed her. That's going to work out very well for her afterlife, no?
Sloane "A few days ago, I was absolutely horrified that you would suggest I turn against APO. That I kill my own daughter. I realize now that both are necessary to complete the final leg of this journey." Sydney discovers Élodie. "I have been preparing for this my whole life. I knew it was coming." Jack discovers Nadia. "I have betrayed everyone I have ever loved. But I was chosen." Sloane is telling all of this to Angus as they stand on a tarmac to a waiting jet. Angus thanks Sloane for joining up with them and Sloane says, "This is my route to follow." He seems relaxed, almost serene. "Welcome back," says Angus. They get on the Black Plane of No Good and Sloane takes one last look out at the rest of the world before handing over the last remaining piece of his dirty dark soul to Rambaldi.
on Alias: Vaughn's back! With a limp! And his adorable forehead wrinkles! Too bad SydAnna discovers his existence. Oh, and something about a microchip. God knows what THAT is about.