Maternal Instinct

Previously on Alias: Um. That was two minutes ago. You're losing your memory, dude.

We catch up with Fatty McFatterton in an ambulance en route to the hospital. He's not going to make it there, however, due to the fact that a big truck smashes right into his ambulance. The soldiers guarding Fatty try to handle matters, but someone on the outside just shoots the shit out of them. Fatty creeps out of the ambulance with his arms raised. "Don't shoot!" he says, as someone ignores his pleas and shoots him right in the damn kneecap. Ouch! That's gonna leave a mark. Fatty writhes around on the ground as a pair of black boots seductively make their way over to him. The camera looks up and there she is. Lena Fucking Olin. In all her glory. Man, did I ever miss her.

Irina stands over Fatty and tells him that he compromised "their" agenda; whoever "their" is. Fatty apologizes profusely, and then Irina cocks her gun and says, "Tell me exactly what you said to my husband." Hee. Tee hee. "Did you tell him about The Horizon?" she asks. Fatty swears he didn't and that she has to believe him. "I do believe you," she says. And then she shoots him. Twice. In broad daylight. GodDAMN, I love her. I mean, not that you should love someone who murders people in cold blood or anything but...sigh. She's awesome.

Meanwhile, Syd's at the hospital, waiting on her new doctor. Let's hope that HE doesn't work for Prophet Five too, y'all. He finally enters, and Syd asks if her baby is okay. He tells her that the baby's fine, and that she and her child are in excellent health. Dixon shows up, then, and they leave together. Dix tells her that the CIA released Jack because Fatty confessed and cut a deal. Dix then says that Jack wants to see them both before they contact the Apple Store.

And now for a brief word on Dixon's hair. I think it's fab. It's longer and kind of mini-Rasta-y, but it's great. It's totally not very CIA-ish, mind you, but it makes Dixon look cool, so I'm all for it. A lot of people on the boards were like, stinky! Stinky poo! But I like it. So shut up.

Apple Store. Getty's glowering into his computer screen. Rachel approaches and asks him to go for a walk. They move off together, but Getty sees Sloane talking to Devlin in the distance and Sloane nods him over. He gives Rachel a rain check on the walk and meets up with Sloane. Devlin and the CIA are auditing APO's investigation of Prophet Five, and Sloane wants Getty to assist him with whatever he needs. For starters, Devlin wants all their SIT reports as well as their operation files. Getty says the SIT reports are no problem, but they're running diagnostics on the computers right now, so he can't get Devlin the operation files. Devlin looks mildly perturbed by this. I, for one, have no idea what's going on. Devlin then asks who can get him admin privileges to their access logs and Getty points out Rachel in the distance. Once Devlin leaves, Getty asks Sloane what the hell is going on. Sloane says that Devlin wants to see APO's phone logs to see if anyone tipped off Prophet Five to Fatty's transport route. Getty walks off and Sloane gets this look on his face like he's just eaten an elephant fart. I don't think we have to look too far to find out who gave Prophet Five Fatty's route, do you?

Sydney and Dix meet up with Jack on the beach somewhere. He and Sydney hug and she asks what's going on. Jack tells them about Fatty's ambush. Dix says that Fatty's route was classified. Syd pipes up that there must be another Prophet Five mole inside APO. Well, duh. It's Sloane. You people never listen to me. Jack says that also, as a condition of his release, Devlin wants APO to suspend the Prophet Five investigation until Langley's had a chance to review their findings. "We can't do that," says Syd in a panic. "I agree," says Jack. "Which means that while Devlin maintains a presence inside APO, we have to stop documenting our work. Operations will be compartmentalized to senior staff only."

Jack brings up what Sydney was going to tell him back at the hospital before he stopped her; the reason Prophet Five abducted her. Syd tells him about the regression therapy they performed on her and how they wanted her to remember a cipher -- Leo 47 Norte. "It was an entry on an Alliance organizational chart Vaughn showed me years ago," she says. Jack asks if she gave them the intel. Syd did, but she changed the phrase. Dix says that "47 Norte" is a territorial designation. It refers to France. "Leo" refers to a specific mission. Jack says he'll go over the Alliance archives, and Dix needs to go to Paris; assuming Jack is successful in his search, Dix will be in position to act quickly. Jack then tells Syd to make contact with lodie so that she can provide Dix with papers and ID.

"Then, I want you to go home and pack a bag," he says. "I'm moving you to a secure location." Syd says she doesn't want to hide out, she wants to help. Jack knows that, but he can't risk Prophet Five getting to her again. They all scatter off to do their jobs. In Dix's car, Syd looks pensive. Dix tells her not to blame Jack since he's only trying to protect her. Syd brings up what Dean said about Prophet Five having plans for her, and how they saved her baby for a reason. Why? Dix doesn't know, but he thinks she should be in a safe house. Syd says she can fend for herself. Dix says she's not just fending for herself, she's fending for two. "And let's be honest, Syd," he says. "Right nowyou waddle." She throws him a look of death. "I don't waddle." "Oh ho, yes you do!" he retorts. "I'll admit," she says, "I'm a little less graceful. But I dont waddle." Dix considers this. "You're right," he says. "Tsssch!" hisses Syd. Hee. It's so hilarious, too. She goes, "Tsssch!" and looks out the window all, "You heard me!" "It's more of a teeter," says Dix, getting the last word in. Heeeee. And aw.

Malibu Pregnant Barbie Penthouse. Syd teeters in and teeters down the steps to her living room. And sitting there on a sofa, looking for all the world like she's just dropped by for a spot of tea, is Irina Derevko. "Sydney," she husks. "Mom," deadpans Sydney. Irina gets up and her hair is GORGEOUS. She tells Sydney she looks beautiful and they hug and it took me a minute to remember why they were lovey-dovey all of a sudden. Irina says that she's here now, so everything's going to be fine. Only she says this while shifting her eyes around the room as if she's going to find The Horizon hidden somewhere on the walls.

Syd pulls back and says that, as grateful as she is that her mother is there, it's not safe. "I know about Prophet Five," says Irina. "I know they abducted you. That's why I've come." Sydney's face hardens a bit. Irina says that Prophet Five has been rumored for over thirty years; an organization so secret that most people thought they were just a myth. She says that a contact of hers told her that they'd become active again, and that they'd finally found someone who could lead them to what they'd been looking for. "The reason they came together," she says, "was to pursue something they call 'The Horizon'." "Hmmm," says Sydney, unconvincingly looking off into her apartment. Irina cocks her razor-sharp vision at her daughter. "You've never heard of it?" Syd just goes, "Noooo," and chews her lip, and it's so obvious that she's lying.

Irina says that Prophet Five believes that Sydney knows where The Horizon is. Syd blabbles about how Prophet Five tried to get her to reveal information about the old Alliance mission. Irina asks which mission it was, and Syd sidesteps by saying that she doesn't know anything about it except the code name and that Jack is looking into it. Nice, Sydney. Way to keep shit from your mother! I think your father could learn a thing or two from you. "You told your father?" asks Irina, tucking her hair behind her ear. Syd nods that she did. "How's Jack?" asks Irina, tasting the word on her tongue like it's covered in dark chocolate. Syd says he's good and then says that Prophet Five killed Vaughn. Irina says that she knows and that she's so sorry.

Apple Store. Jack has Marshall looking up Leo 47 Norte on his computer. Jack asks him to find the intel without it getting traced back to APO. Marshall's totally up for some conspiracy! Marshall finds the file they're looking for. A man named Jean Bertrand was in charge of the operation. As Marshall tries to locate Bertrand, he blabbles on and on about taking apart his Calc professor's car and reassembling it in his classroom, and someone on the writing staff likes Real Genius, I think. "What? It was hot and I was hungry!" Best. Movie. Ever. Getty enters and Marshall geeks out and jumps up all, "WE'RE NOT DOING ANYTHING CONSPIRATORIAL NO SIR." Jack just rolls his eyes and answers his ringing phone. Jack says, "That is...unexpected," into the phone and then tells the person on the other end that he'll be there soon. "Was that Syd?" asks Marshall. Jack shoots him a look. "Well, your voice...it modulates a little whenever you're talking to Sydney." Aw. Jack's not feeling the "aw," though, and just asks what Marshall has on Bertrand. Marshall locates Bertrand in Paris, and Jack tells him to forward the intel to Dixon and to avoid using the APO servers.

Malibu Pregnant Barbie Penthouse. Syd opens the door, and Jack can barely hide his smirk. "Is she still here?" he asks. Syd kind of gives him this look like, "Uh, DUH," and then walks back inside the house without a word and kind of a roll of her head that's really funny and Jack makes this face like, "I see my daughter's going to be a PILL about this," and the whole little scene is hilarious. Like, I missed it the first go around because it's so quick and subtle, but thanks to Mr. TiVo, I've now watched it five times and every time it cracks me the hell up.

Jack slowly makes his way over to his wife and she turns and sirens, "Jack..." and he smirks at her and says, "You look...well," he finally manages, and it's totally obvious that he was thinking, "Hot. Smoking. Wicked. Good god, woman. You look UNREAL. Oh, wait. I can't say that in front of my daughter. Do me? Can I say that in front of my daughter? No. No, I can't. Okaaaay. What do I say? WHAT DO I SAY? For lord's sake, I can remove a bullet from a brain with a spork, but I can't come up with something appropriate to say to my--humminah humminah HOT STUFF wife! I need some water." Irina meltingly smiles at him and says that she got his messages and she wanted to reply, but she sensed that it might be a CIA trap. "Look at us," she says. "About to become grandparents." "I'm doing my best to ignore that," quips Jack. Heeeee. Irina says to Jack that she fears for Sydney's safety and Sydney asks if Dixon found out anything. Jack says that he hasn't yet, but he's with the source now.

Paris. Bertrand enters a parking garage and makes his way over to his car. lodie is perched atop it in some rather fun stockings. While Bertrand's pondering them, Dix enters and says hello. He says that seven years ago, Bertrand coordinated a mission for the Alliance. Bertrand acts like he doesn't know what they're talking about and says that they can't intimidate him. They can, however, strap him to the hood of his car and drive him around at high speed until he tells them that Leo 47 Norte was a package that Bertrand was told to store and that he put it in a bank vault in Vancouver.

Dix calls Jack in L.A., and Jack immediately turns right around and tells his duplicitous spy of a wife that The Horizon, whatever it is, is stored in a vault at Queens Bank in Vancouver. Syd says they'd better act fast, seeing as Prophet Five has probably already figured out that she gave them false intel. "Yeah, that's a safe assumption," sneers Irina. Heh. She's totally peeved right now. Jack says they can't use APO because of Devlin, and Irina neatly steps up and says that if they're being watched, she'd be happy to go in their place. Oh, I'm sure you would, Irina. Jack declares that they'll go together and that Irina's Vancouver contacts can make the travel arrangements. Syd says to make them for three, because she's going too. Irina tries to protest, but Syd just says that The Horizon is why Prophet Five killed Vaughn, so there's no way in HELL she's not going to be on the mission to recover it. She wants to finish this thing for good. Jack orders Irina to make the arrangements. Irina mentally counts how many lies she can tell before her nose starts to reach the opposite wall.

Prophet Five HQ. Peyton's meandering down a hall, lost in thought, when some dude runs up and tells her that Irina just called, and that she's located The Horizon. Peyton orders him to assemble a team because, while she doesn't question Irina's loyalty, she's not willing to take the chance that she's wrong. Not when they're this close. Looks like everyone's going to Canada! Get out the cheese and crackers, Wing and Glark! Company's coming!

Vancouver. Welcome to the Theatre of the Absurd. Complete with Italian Accents that Wouldn't Look Out of Place on The Amazing Race. Jack and Irina are sitting on a sofa at Queens Bank. A bank officer approaches and apologizes, but the bank is closing. Jack and his ridiculous ascot look disgusted. Irina apologizes for their daughter's tardiness and Jack shouts, "It's-a not-a her-a, it's-a that-a clown-a she-a married-a!" Oh, lord. The elevator dings and out comes Syd all, "Mama! Papa! Cannoli! Bruschetta!" The Bristow Family Players do a little improv about how clown-like the daughter's husband is, and how he doesn't want their money, and how they want to set up a trust fund for their grandchild, and yes, it's funny, but no, it does nothing to further the plot so, moving on. They all chatter back and forth and back and forth, and Irina gives Jack a little kiss, and the bank officer is like, "Do you have any money or NOT?" and Jack hands over a cashier's check and the bank officer is like, "Hell YEAH that's some money." They all head off to the bank officer's office to begin the transaction.

Back at the Apple Store, the CIA is still going over everything with a fine-toothed comb. Rachel grabs Getty and tells him that she knows about Korman, and that he killed Getty's wife and that she's worried Getty will go after him. Getty tells her that he already went after Korman, so she's too late. But he didn't hurt him or anything; he just sat there in the parking garage and watched Korman and his wife and his son get out of the car. He lies that killing Korman isn't going to bring back his wife and then he apologizes for not telling Rachel about his wife. And Rachel buys it hook, line, and sinker. She is such a sucker.

Queens Bank. The Bristow Family Players finish up their transaction, and Syd says that if her husband finds out about this he'll be mad, so they ask if they can keep the trust documents in a safety deposit box. Syd fakes a baby kick and asks to remain behind in the office. Be careful what you fake there, honey. You never know if it might trigger the real thing. The parents and officer exit, making small talk about how proud they are of their daughter, and how Sydney has excellent role models and then we cut to Sydney, totally pulling a spy maneuver over to the computer on the officer's desk. Hee. Very nice cut there. She calls Getty and says she needs his help. Devlin's standing over him, so he pretends the call is from his dad. Syd says she needs a backdoor into a secure system, and Getty transfers her to Rachel. Rachel gets to work on the encryption.

Down in the safety deposit box area, Irina asks questions about the vault's security, and when she gets the answer she's looking for from the officer, she stabs him in the back with an apparent sleeping drug or something. Jack gets on the horn to Syd and says the officer's down. Rachel gives Sydney a password, which Sydney enters into the officer's computer. It works. "Some day you have to show me how you do that," says Sydney. "Magician never reveals her secrets," says Rachel. Hee. Sydney enters Bertrand's name and finds his box number, which she relays to Jack down in the safety deposit room.

Peyton arrives with her crew as Jack sprays some acid onto box 135. Syd looks over at a security monitor and sees Peyton and crew shoot the hell out of some guards. She runs to warn her parents because...the comms aren't working? I have no idea. Jack opens the box and reveals a small square package wrapped in burlap and tied with twine. He puts a scanner on it and reveals that it's rigged to blow. Irina moves over to him with something hidden in her left hand. Jack's saying that they'll have to take it back to Marshall when suddenly Irina launches a full-on attack at him. And then they fight! Ha!

Jack gets Irina up against a wall and puts a gun to her face just as Sydney rounds the corner to tell them that Peyton's there. Jack tells Irina to talk and fast. "You're working for them, aren't you?" he asks. "Answer me!" "That was you on the ship," says Syd, moving toward them. "Wasn't it? Behind the glass. You orchestrated the whole thing...because you wanted this. And when...you couldn't torture it out of me...you came to me as my mother." "I am your mother," says Irina. "Call off your team," says Jack. "They're not my team," says Irina. "Dad," says Sydney. "I don't believe you," says Jack. "You need to believe me," says Irina. "Because if Peyton's here, then she's here to kill me too." "Well, she's going to be very disappointed," snits Jack, "because I'm about to beat her to it." "Hey, DAD?" says Syd. Jack's too busy talking about how he's going to kill her mother to pay attention to Sydney right now. "HEY DAD!" Syd says again. "Baby's comin'." And she makes this hilarious squinty face like, "Oh, yeah. Somethin's happenin' down below..."

Hold on to that fetus, Sydney, because we have to go back to the Apple Store to watch Sloane practically declare to everyone that he's the mole within APO. Sloane walks over to Rachel and says that Devlin's accessing their server logs because he thinks there's a mole within APO. Rachel asks if he thinks Devlin's right. Sloane says he doesn't. However, Syd and Jack are in the field without clearance and Sloane's been assisting them. He needs Rachel to purge the files. She heads off to get to work.