Previously on Alias: Rachel dressed up like a ho. And I think she kind of liked it. Also? Gordo was a dick. so don't feel sorry for him later. Just…don't.
We begin this episode dropped right smack down into the middle of an assignment in Rome. Syd's sporting a silly blonde wig and throwing her belly out proudly as she walks along with a handsome Italian man, a chancellor. Through the subtitles, we learn that Syd's pretending to be some wealthy woman who's donating money for a wing to the place, and that they're in a university of some sort. While Syd's getting the royal tour, Élodie breaks in through some other door and tells Syd over comms that she's at the archive. Élodie's new short haircut isn't doing her any favors, by the way. I much prefer it all choppy and waiflike the way it was in The Dreamlife of Angels. But…that's not really important right now, is it?
Élodie tells Syd that it's her turn now; as the Italian chancellor uses his key card to get into some private wing, Syd fakes a faint, steals his wallet of keys, and he helps her to a chair and runs off to get her some water. While he's gone, she pulls out her handy Acme Electronic Key-Copying Putty and puts one of the chancellor's keys inside. How she knows which key is the right one, I have no idea. She runs the machine (which is alarmingly similar to a key-copying putty that I think the Angels used in Charlie's Angels Part the First) and tells Élodie to put a key template in her end of the machine and whammo, Élodie has an exact duplicate of the key in her hand. That is Alias WTF Technology at its best, people. With her newly minted key in hand, Élodie enters the archive. She looks around and tells Syd that she needs the lot number.
We smash cut back to the past, where Syd is asking what they're looking for and Élodie is telling her all she knows is that whatever it is, it's intended for Gordo. It'll be sent from Milan to the University of Rome and it will be sent under an alias: Marcello Demasi. Back in the present, Syd finds the manifest list and tells Élodie to hang on while she finds the name and the lot number. "Here it is," she says, over comms, "Marcello Dima--" "Sydney?" a male voice says. Syd looks up, and it's her professor from her grad school days. She looks totally flummoxed. As should he, considering that for all intents and purposes, Sydney was burned to death in her apartment a few years ago. But maybe that wasn't really made public. I…don't really know.
At any rate, Professor Choi and Syd share some small talk about what they're both doing in Rome, and Syd manages to communicate the lot number to Élodie by hitting her comm button and telling the professor that she's visited "12 countries in 22 months." It's a nice save, actually. Élodie tells Syd that she gets what she's saying about the lot number and to get the hell outta there. Syd just stands there, looking nervous, not really sure how to blow off the nice professor-man before the nice chancellor-man shows up with her glass of water. Unfortunately, Professor Choi is on his lunch break and has alllll the time in the world to chat with her. Damn.
Meanwhile, down in the archives, Élodie comes upon Lot 1222 and goes to open it, but she hears the door opening and has to run and hide. Back with Syd and Nosy Choi, he asks if she's married, she says they're newlyweds, he comments that they must've been eager to start a family and KEEP YOUR NOSE IN YOUR BUSINESS, NOSY CHOI. Seriously. And if Syd's so worried about the chancellor coming back, as she obviously is, why not just grab Choi's arm and drag him off to a café for a nice espresso? Oh, because if she did that, we wouldn't have to endure Choi's nosy questions about Syd's dead fiancé, I guess. Whatever. Back with Élodie, the intruder informs someone that he's found the package and is retrieving what's inside. Élodie comes out of hiding and points her gun at him. "I'll take that," she says. "That" is a small statue. The intruder tosses it at her and she grabs it and he takes that moment to get his own gun and shoot at her and then they fight. It's actually a nice fight, and for the most part, it looks like Élodie does quite a bit of high-kicking on her own, which is enjoyable. The statue drops and shatters, there's a card inside, Élodie grabs it and manages to kick the intruder to the ground. Excellent.
Élodie tells Syd that she has the card and is proceeding to the extraction point. Choi asks if Syd's husband is here and she says he's at the hotel; she sees the chancellor coming down the hallway, so she knows she has to get out of there. Duh. She winds up asking for Choi's card, and while he's looking for it, she just…disappears. Yes, because pregnant women move really, really fast and can vanish in the blink of an eye. The chancellor arrives at that very moment and he and Choi share a hilarious "where the hell did she go?" look between them. Heh. Syd meets up with Élodie outside the university, and Élodie asks who Choi was. "No one," says Syd. "He was…just someone from another life." Aw.
Hospital of Red-Eyed Daughters. Sloane enters and we get a glimpse of whatever the hell his hair is doing, which seems to be a variation on the Alfalfa 'do of 1943. I didn't notice it the first time I watched this episode, but I have one thing to say to hair and makeup: make it stop. Thank you. Sloane goes into Nadia's room and she's still out cold. He kisses her on the forehead (ew!) and then has a chat with her doctor, wherein he learns that there's no change in her condition and that Sloane had better start considering alternative care. Or, you know, just taking her out back and shooting her. What? He could do it. He cut off his own wife's finger. The man is merciless.
As the doctor leaves, Sloane's phone rings. It's Gordo, offering up empty sympathies as to Nadia's condition. Sloane's all, what the hell do you want? Gordo's all, Sydney Bristow took an access card that belonged to me and I want it back, unnerstan? He tells Sloane he has 48 hours to recover it and he's sure Sloane won't let him down. We switch over to Gordo, who's just getting off the phone with Sloane. Peyton is with him and she asks him if he thinks this is the right thing to do. "If they find out what you're up to…" she says. "They won't," he says. "Besides, I don't think I have a choice at this point." She thinks he's just being paranoid again. Of course, the last time he thought he was being paranoid, Rachel accessed his private servers. I think the man has earned the right to be paranoid, actually. Peyton says he's too important to be dismissed over a few setbacks. "Maybe you're right," he says, "but some life insurance right now might help me sleep better at night." He looks at her. "You too, I imagine. Odds are, if they terminate me, they'll determine our entire cell is a security risk." He tells her that he'll let her know when Sloane contacts him and then gets in his car and drives away. Peyton gets an evil look on her face and then goes off to get in bed with a Scotsman. No! Not literally! Figuratively!
Jack's Office of What The? Sloane enters and Jack's all, hey, buddy! Good news! Syd's mission in Italy was a success! Sloane's all, yesssss, Jack. I already knew that. "Did you?" asks Jack. "How?" "Gordon Dean told me," says Sloane. Oooooooh! I honestly didn't see that one coming!
And now is the time on Alias when we boogie oogie oogie 'til we just can't boogie no more. Boogie no more. Boogie no more.
Barbie Penthouse. The door opens and Syd enters. Rachel's sitting on the sofa, so I guess she's still living with Syd, even though in the last episode, it sounded like she didn't. Rachel's been going over Marshall's analysis of the card they picked up in Rome and Syd says that he thinks it's an access card to a secure network or something. "Well, that should be easy," quips Rachel. "There are only ten billion secure networks in the world…" Syd says that, yeah, that could be a dead end, but intercepting Gordo's property probably pissed him off, so they've got that going for them, which is nice. The doorbell rings; it's delivery guys with her new crib. Syd tells them to put it in the nursery, because apparently this house on the ocean has a never-ending supply of empty rooms.
Minutes later, Syd's standing in the empty and extremely bland nursery. "You know," says Rachel, entering, "the nursery…could use a little work." "I don't know," says Syd, "I think it's kind of airy." Yes, if by "airy" you mean "blank and scary and capable of turning any child into a serial killer." Syd suddenly decides that they have to go to work, even though she was supposed to take the day off. Rachel wisely assumes that Syd's avoiding dealing with the baby's room, and offers to help her put together the crib so at least they'd have something done in the nursery before the end of the day. It's sweet, because Rachel totally thinks that building something will get Syd's mind off her problems. But Syd, who used to think the baby stuff would be fun, is now only reminded of how she pretty much has to do all this stuff alone, what with the dead fiancé and all. Just then, Syd's cell phone rings and she picks up.
Jack's Office of West Elm Furniture. Sloane is standing before Jack and Syd, Jack with his arms crossed in front of his chest, Syd with her hands clasped under her gargantuan belly. Heh. The tense arms-across-the-chest thing doesn't work so well when it looks like they're resting on a beach ball, does it, Syd? Sloane fills them in on when he was first contacted and the circumstances of the deal he struck with Gordo. "You've been lying to us this whole time," says Syd. Well, duh. ["I can't believe she still gets all pissy and offended every time when Sloane is…you know. Himself. Like it's such a huge surprising betrayal. Get a grip, Syd." -- Sars] Sloane says there's no justification for his actions, but he had Nadia's life in mind when he accepted the deal. Jack smells a rat and says that Nadia hasn't made any improvement, so why tell them now? "Nadia won't be getting any better, Jack," says Sloane. "If I have to face a life without my daughter…I still have to live with myself. It sounds hollow, I know…in light of what I've just told you…but I consider you both to be my family." Oh, ew. "You expect us both to forgive you now?" Syd incredulously asks. No, he doesn't. Not at all.
"Ironically," Sloane says, "Dean's arrangement puts me in a unique position. The last thing he expects of me is to double-cross him." "You'll help us arrest him?" asks Syd. "Yes," says Sloane. "He's tasked me with recovering something you took from him -- an access card. I can use that as bait." "Understand something," she grits, "if this is a set-up --" "It's not, Sydney, I assure you. Once we have Dean in custody, he will be forced to expose his organization, and you will have all the answers you're looking for." Well, that sounds like a pretty good deal to me. Syd and Jack seem to think so too, because after a few seconds of glowering at each other, Jack asks if Sloane has a way to contact Gordo.
We switch to Sloane, making a phone call to Gordo, in front of Jack. Sloane tells Gordo he has what he wants and then asks where they can meet. Gordo tells him to get a pen. Later, in the Conference Room of Endless Expositions, Dix tells the Appleseed Gang that the meet location is a racetrack and that Gordo seems to be taking precautions, even if he does trust Sloane. He's picked a meet location that has plenty of exits and lots of crowd coverage, both convenient for a quick getaway. Syd says they'll have to nab Gordo before he can escape. Rachel says that'll be impossible because Gordo always travels with a security team of two men who are heavily armed and nearly invisible. One will shadow Gordo, the other will shadow Sloane.
"I'm sorry," says Marshall, "but is anyone else having déjà vu here? I mean, first Sloane was good and then he's bad and then he's good again?" Hee. "Although," he sputters, "in all fairness, I guess he was bad at first, I just didn't --" "WE HAVE A SIGNIFICANT TACTICAL DISADVANTAGE," Jack snaps. Heh. "Dean knows what we look like," he continues. "He knows what every one of us looks like." "Not everyone," says Getty. "He's never seen me. But I look forward to making his acquaintance." Heh. I've said it before and I'll no doubt say it again: he is Young Jack. Jack tells Getty to take lead on this assignment and Rachel, Syd, and Dix will provide support in the field. "I want a draft of the plan on my desk within the hour," he says. "Wheels up at 1500. We may never have another chance likes this," he grits. "Let's make it count." And let's be safe out there, people! I seriously think Victor Garber laughs his ass off after every damn time he has to be all cops 'n' robbers in scenes like this. Mostly because he's totally not that kind of guy, but also because: "let's make it count"? Tee hee hee.
And I must admit that at this moment, I just had to stop the TiVo and break out the Alias Season 2 extended bloopers, because there's nothing that makes me laugh harder than watching Victor Garber snort-giggle his way through a scene. Heh.
Dubai. Racetrack of Fake Meetings. In the Appleseed Gang's truck, Syd's filling Sloane in on where he's sitting and how he won't have a transmitter on him because Gordo's security team might detect it. Syd will be tracking him remotely. She hands him the access card and Sloane assumes that it's a fake. It isn't. Syd states that Gordo may try to verify it with a reader, so they have to give him the real thing. "We'll move in as soon as we get rid of his men," says Syd, "but until then, you'll have to stall." Rachel enters and says that she's hacked into the closed circuit feeds and that they're ready to go. "You're up," Syd tersely twits at Sloane. Sloane could leave now, and really SHOULD, but he doesn't, choosing instead to stay behind and deliver the following speech: "Look, Sydney. I may have missed the opportunity to save my own child. I only hope that by taking out Dean, I may have helped to save yours." And then he openly STARES at her belly, and…I get what he's saying here, but how can he gross me out when he's trying to be totally sincere? Ew. He wishes her luck and finally, thankfully, leaves.
Rachel sits in his seat and tells Syd that Dix and Tom are in place and that there's no sign of Gordo yet. Syd rightly asserts that Gordo won't reveal himself until Sloane is in place. We get a shot of horses running around the track and then…Syd, dressed in some bizarre version of an Ascot hat and a head-to-toe blue silk outfit, comes careening around the corner, yammering in a Southern-fried accent, "Watch it! Mama comin' through! Don't jostle the package!" HA! I love it when Garner reverts to her 'ginia accent. She's obviously playing a demented version of a Southern belle here, and it's hilarious. We get a shot of Getty in one of the track bars, drinking liquor directly out of a flask. When I first saw this, I thought he was gaining a little Irish courage, but when the rest of the scene came into play, I realized this was just a preparatory action for what's to come.
Back with Mama Syd, she's making her way into her box seat, throwing a "how y'all doin'?" here and a "you gonna help me pick a winner, skinny?" there. She actually touches a couple of the locals on the shoulder, and I'm not sure that's really allowed in Dubai, is it? They don't seem to mind, however. That Southern charm. It'll get you through anything. Syd takes her seat and puts her purse on the table and a little laser microphone shoots out of the base. Sloane makes his way to his seat and Marshall, back at the Apple Store with Jack, tells Syd that the microphone is picking up perfectly. Syd watches Sloane through her binoculars.
We switch back to Getty, still in the bar. "Hey, Base," he says, his tie and collar askew. "Got a visual?" "Affirmative, Sidewinder," says Marshall. "Good," says Getty, "because I was wondering -- whaddya think of this suit? Pretty sweet, huh?" Heh. "Yeah," says Marshall. "It's a nice suit on you. Blue's…blue's a good color." Wow. Marshall has good eyesight. You know, considering that the feed is in black and white. Marshall turns to Jack to share in the humor of the situation and realizes that Jack is wearing a blue suit as well, so he says, "And for you as well, Director Bristow." "Thanks," says Jack dryly. HEE. I laugh out loud at this moment every damn time. Jack asks Rachel to get them a closer look at Sloane. She does so. "How's that?" she rather cockily asks. "Fine," says Jack, unimpressed. Elsewhere in the park, Dix, wearing traditional sheik garb, gets a bead on Gordo. As Gordo passes, he follows, and tells ops and Getty that they're headed his way. "Ten four," says Getty. "Let's do this." Damn. That's kind of sexy. Gordo walks through the crowd slowly as Dix follows. "We've got you," says Rachel as she watches.
Jack sees Gordo getting closer to Getty on the feed and tells him that he's up. Getty quickly splashes the liquor from the flask all over his neck and moves into action. He bumps into Gordo and then launches into this awesome Aussie accent that's not half bad, if I don't mind saying so. He blathers on about some horse in the race and Gordo's all, I AM NOT INTERESTED FUCK OFF. But Getty keeps on it, trying to get Gordo to front him some money to put down on the horse, and even though Gordo keeps trying to avoid him, Getty keeps getting back in there. "We need an assist here," says Gordo quietly. Suddenly, a rather swarthy-looking dude appears out of nowhere and grabs Getty by the arm and moves him off to the side. Getty then surreptitiously stabs him in the gut with a stun gun. Niiiiiice. Getty parks the downed guard on a bench and he looks like he's sleeping, so no one even notices the situation. Getty gets on comms and says that the first security detail's down, but the second one hasn't shown. "This one's wearing an earpiece," he says. This means that Gordo's communicating with his team via radio, so they'll have to proceed with the meet as scheduled. Dix gets this instruction from Jack and continues to follow Gordo.
Back in Syd's box, she watches as Getty walks past Gordo as Gordo goes to sit to Sloane. "You search crowd," says the nosier-than-Professor-Choi sheik behind her. "Someone you know?" Like, what the hell business is it of his? Syd tells him that she does know the person, but I have no idea why she even needs to answer him at this point. Gordo goes to sit to Sloane. Rachel gets on comms to Dix and tells him that if Dean's following protocol, the second detail shouldn't be any more than 50 feet away. "Do you have something for me?" asks Gordo. "I do," says Sloane, handing him the card. Sydney scans the crowd and finds the one guy in the vicinity with an earpiece and tells Dix that she's spotted the second detail. Dix says he's on it and moves down to take the dude out. "Excuse me, sir," he says, "but I believe you have my seat." The guy starts to get up and Dix downs him with a hit from his stun gun. "Drinks too much!" he says as the guy falls back down into his chair. "Filthy habit." Yes, indeed it is. Speaking of that, excuse me while I refill my glass of Mad Dog 20/20.
The race begins and everyone in the stands gets up to watch. "Outrigger and Sidewinder," says Jack, "move in." But they can't hear him. There's static in everyone's earpieces. Gordo, having received his card, tells Sloane that it's been a pleasure, then checks in with his security detail. Unfortunately, they're both out cold, so he gets no response. Jack repeats his order, but no one hears him. Syd tries to tell Rachel that she's lost sight of Gordo, but again, Rachel can't hear her. Marshall states that the PA system must be bleeding into their channel and he's going to try and find an open frequency. Gordo turns to Sloane. "Stand up," he sneers. "What?" says Sloane, genuinely curious. "Do it," says Gordo, pulling out his gun and sticking it in Sloane's side. "Now." Sloane cooperates and they move off through the crowd as Dix, Getty, and Syd are at total losses as to what's going on.
Rachel, at her post, suddenly realizes that she's going to have to do something, seeing as she's the only person who isn't down by the track. Gordo moves Sloane down through the stables. Sloane tries to assure him that he came by himself, but Gordo's not buying what he's selling. Gordo hits the keyguard on his car key and his car right outside the stables does the traditional "whoop whoop" that we all know and love. Sloane chooses this moment to attempt to kick Gordo's ass. Unfortunately, Gordo has about a foot and an extra hundred pounds on Sloane, so he easily takes the poor little munchkin out. Sloane goes down for the count and Gordo kicks him in the gut, just for good measure.
"Stop!" shouts Rachel and her Bouncing Ponytail of Good Intentions. Gordo turns, all, oh, my pretty. "Well, isn't this a surprise?" he says. "What're you doing here, Rachel?" She spies Gordo's gun on the floor of the stable. Gordo sees her spying the gun, because she's just that obvious, and says, "You gonna fight me?" Rachel considers this a second. "Why do you think we never put you in the field?" Gordo asks. "Because we knew you weren't equipped." "Well, then…" says Rachel, "that was your loss." Rachel launches an attack at Gordo that he easily deflects. He throws her down to the ground and goes to grab his gun. Too bad Rachel recovers quickly and floors him with a hit from a shovel that's probably coated with manure. Hee.
The comms have been restored, obviously, because right then, Syd gets on the horn and asks Rachel if she has a visual. "Yeah, actually," says Rachel, "on Dean." "What's he doing?" asks Syd. "Eating dirt," says Rachel. "I hit him with a shovel." "A shovel?" asks Syd. "Is he conscious?" "Yeah, I think so," says Rachel. "Then hit him again," says Syd. And Rachel does. Ha! And double ha!
Apple Store. Gordo's being hauled down a hallway with Rachel following. Rachel, it must be said, looks all bad-ass now. You know, because she hit her old evil boss in the head with a shovel. I can think of several of my old bosses I'd like to do that to (bitch at the Auditorium Theatre Council? I'M TALKING TO YOU), so I can see where the bravado is coming from. He passes Sydney, and she watches as the man who personally killed her fiancé just walks on by. Seconds later, she gets on the phone to Élodie and tells her that they have Gordo. "What happens now?" she asks. "He tells us everything," says Syd. "And we get the truth about Prophet Five." Yeah, good luck with that, honey.
Dean is strapped into a chair in a small white room. The door opens and Sydney enters. She looks at Gordo, and he says that she seems very pleased with herself. Well, she just caught the man who killed her would-be husband, dude. I'm thinking I'd be fairly pleased with myself about now. "I'll keep this simple," says Syd, moving toward him. "We have a few questions for you. We want to know who you're working for and what their agenda is." She picks up a syringe and uncaps it. "The only other question is whether you're going to cooperate willingly or unwillingly." Gordo seems far too relaxed for someone who's about to undergo some sort of torture. "The ironic thing is, Ms. Bristow, that while we may not share the same agenda, we share the same goal. I want to know who I'm working for as much as you do." Syd, who's filling the syringe with some sort of fluid, looks surprised at this statement. "Unfortunately for both of us," Gordo continues, "you robbed me of that opportunity. The access card." Syd says that Gordo was making a power play, and Gordo responds that the people he answers to, their power stems from remaining anonymous. "I was hoping to balance the playing field. All the information you want can be accessed off a communication hub using that card. But, before I agree to tell you the location, you have to agree to do something for me."
Syd's playing along. "And what is that?" she gamely asks. "I want ten million dollars, as well as documents to authenticate half a dozen false identities and dental implants capable of fooling facial recognition software. In short, you're going to make me disappear." Damn, he's done his homework. "Not a chance," says Syd. Gordo's like, uh, might not wanna be so hasty there, chica. That access card? It expires in just under 12 hours. At which point the information will vanish and he can no longer help her. "So," he says, "I suggest you talk to the people you answer to, and share with them my offer." Syd's all, uh, yeah, I could do that. Or I could stick you in the arm with this needle. "I don't need to," she says. "I don't think it's gonna take that long." She shoves the needle into his vein and he looks truly afraid for the first time.
Watching the action from beyond the two-way mirror, Rachel asks Marshall what the fluid is that Syd's just injected Gordo with. "LSD," says Marshall. Sweet! "Well, sorta," continues Marshall. "See, I started with a lysergic acid diethylamide-based serum and then…you know, Flinkmanized it." Jack enters and asks how much longer until they can interrogate Dean. Marshall says that it won't be long and that, in about an hour, Dean will think Jack is God. What, with rainbow suspenders and everything? Marshall then mentions that he could speed up the process. "Let's do that," grits Jack. Heh. Marshall hits a couple of keystrokes on the computer and suddenly heavy metal music starts playing in Dean's room. "I see you've done this before," quips Jack as he leaves. Heh.
Random Pier of Chubby Scotsman Meetings. Sloane's standing down at the end of a pier, thinking about his daughter, I guess. Angus Macfadyen walks up and sniffs the air and wonders where that extra cheeseburger he was contemplating went to. Oh, wait, it went to his CHIN. He comments that it's peaceful out on the pier. Sloane agrees. "I imagine you're having quite a difficult day," says Angus. "Am I right?" Sloane's like, uh, do I know you, dude? Angus is like, no, Mr. Sloane, you don't. But even though you don't know me, I do have one small favor to ask of you. "My associates and I are aware of your adventure in Dubai," he says. "We also know that Gordon Dean is still in custody, presumably at [the Apple Store]. We need you to eliminate him." Oh, this is not good.
"Eliminate him," says Sloane with an impish expression. "Yes," says Robert the Bruce, "and we have every confidence that you will eliminate any obstacle that stands in your way." "I see," says Sloane calmly. "You can go to hell." Heh. Sloane informs Angus that he's already confessed his bargain with Gordo, so Angus's people no longer have any power over him. Angus is like, hmmm, yes, that may be, but we still have plenty to offer. Sloane is like, sell it somewhere else, HAGGIS. Head! Pants! Now! Just then, Sloane's cell phone rings. "Eh, you should answer that," says Angus. "Yeah?" says Sloane tersely into his phone.
We cut to the hospital and Sloane's slamming through the doors. He runs to Nadia's room and…she's awake. Sloane goes to her and puts his hand on her shoulder. Ew. He turns to her doctor and asks what the doctor did. The doctor says he did nothing, that Nadia was just miraculously awake when the nurse did her rounds. "Dad?" whispers Nadia. "Where am I?" "You're gonna be okay, Nadia," he says. "You're gonna be okay." She kind of nods and wonders why the creepy man is touching her shoulder.
Grateful Dead Torture Room. Gordo's going through the worst acid trip known to man. "Well, his brain waves are all over the place," says Marshall. "Which might explain why his heart rate's off the charts. Maybe Twisted Sister was the wrong way to go." Sweetie, when has Twisted Sister ever been the RIGHT way to go? Jack orders Marshall to cut the music, and Marshall complies. He turns around and tells Jack that he may have messed up the drug mix, because whatever Gordo is hallucinating, it's scaring him to death. Jack says that they need to stabilize his vitals, but Marshall says they can't drug him anymore. "What do we need to do?" asks Syd. Well, Syd, I'm no expert, but I think poor Gordo needs an acid guide. Someone to walk him through his trip and make him feel safe. Someone to explain to him that people don't have flowerpots for heads and that music doesn't really have colors. I'm just guessing here. Marshall seems to agree with me, because he suggests that they need to make Gordo feel safe in his trip. "Maybe…someone to comfort him," suggests Marshall. Jack looks at Syd and Syd looks back at Jack like, homie? Gordo killed Vaughn. How can I possibly be comforti-- oh, fine. I'll do it. God.
Gordo is in the deep throes of an acid trip when he jerks around and sees Syd, sitting to his chair. He totally freaks out. "Shhhh," says Syd. "I'm not gonna hurt you. I know you're scared. Just relax." "They want me dead," spits Gordo. "They'll kill me." Syd assures him that she won't let that happen. "I'm taking care of you now," she says. That is exactly what my first acid coach, Chez, told me. She also fed me Teddy Grahams. Yum. …Oh. Am I sharing too much? ["Drugs are bad, kids. Bad!" -- Sars] Syd's coaching seems to be working on Gordo, because his heart rate is coming down, according to Marshall.
Syd says that she's going to ask Gordo some questions and when he answers, no one is going to hurt him. No one. "They want my eyes," is all he responds. "Don't let them take my eyes." Gordo starts to cry, and oddly, I feel for him. I've hated him from the moment I saw him, but I always knew he was sort of a foot soldier and in this instance, when he's so vulnerable, I realized just how expendable he truly is. And that? Is kind of sad. Syd assures him that nothing will happen to him as long as she's there. And then she asks him about the access card. "It was designed to patch into a specific network," she says. "Tell me which one." Gordo hesitates. "Which network does the card access?" she asks again. "I can help you," says Gordo. "When you see the watchman, you'll need me. I can help you."
"Listen to me," says Syd. "You need to focus. How do I get into your organization's network?" Suddenly, Gordo isn't having any of it. "Get away from me!" he shouts. Syd tries to shush him. "It's your fault!" he says. "I needed to find the secret! I needed protection!" "I'm protecting you now!" says Syd. "Tell me the secret! I'll keep it safe." "The watchman is on the roof," says Gordo. "You…need to go…to the roof." Syd asks which roof. Gordo tells her "Glenheim." In the observation room, Marshall brings up a Glenheim Towers in Seattle, Washington on his computer screen. Jack orders him to find the building's schematics, and he does; there's a satellite on the roof. Jack turns to Rachel and says they need a plane fueled and ready to fly to Seattle within the hour. Rachel bolts. Jack gets a phone call. All he says in response is, "When?"
Back with Gordo and Syd, Gordo's crying. "I shouldn't have done it," he sobs. "I didn't mean to. They insisted." "You didn't want to do what?" asks Syd. "They insisted [I] kill Michael Vaughn." Syd looks at him with steel in her eyes. "I can help you defeat them," says Gordo, "but you have to hurry. They have plans…for you." "What plans?" asks Syd. Just then, Jack enters and tells Syd that she needs to go, that he'll take over from here. Syd, knowing she's close to a breakthrough with Gordo, is like, uh, dude? I'm kinda in the middle of something here. "It's Nadia," Jack says.
Hospital Room of Red-Eyed Menaces. Sloane is sitting to Nadia, stroking her head. Ew. "You've never looked more beautiful, Nadia," he says. EW. "Sevogda?" she whispers. "What happened?" Sloane tells her that he'll tell her about it in time, that she should just rest now. Suddenly, Nadia looks restless and asks where the doctor is. Her body starts jerking around and her eyes open up and they're red, just like they were before. Sloane calls for the doctor and he arrives as Nadia gets totally out of control. Sloane backs off as the doctor fills his daughter with more coma-inducing drugs. Just then, Syd arrives. She looks through the window at Sloane and Nadia. Sloane gets a look on his face like, "Okay, fine. I'll kill the bastard. Just save my baby." Syd gets a look on her face like, "Can I just go lie down already? I'm carrying around a ten-pound baby here!"
After Nadia's put down for the night (forever), the doctor meets with both Syd and Sloane and tells them that her coming out of her coma was a fluke and that it's not likely to ever happen again. The doctor leaves. "You've done everything you can for her," says Syd. "Beyond that, it's out of your control." Is it, Syd? IS IT? Sloane graciously thanks her, and she leaves. And Sloane knows immediately what he has to do.
Seattle. I love that Seattle is one of the "exotic" locations this show has chosen to go to. Killer. We get an aerial shot of nighttime Seattle and then a 'copter hovering over a building. Can you see Dr. McDreamy anywhere? No? Dammit. Anyway, a couple of spy-garbed dudes fling down from the 'copter and land on the top of the building. Oh! It's Dix and Getty! Heh. Thank God Dix is getting more to do than disapprove of shit and frown at people. Dix reports in and Marshall receives him. Syd enters the ops room, and Jack says that he heard about Nadia and asks how Sloane is. "Not well," is all Syd will say. No shit.
Getty and Dix make their way down inside the building. Back at the Apple Store, Jack says that they figured out what Dean was talking about; the network his organization is using is mobile. "Meaning?" asks Syd. "Their communications are piggy-backed through a series of telecom satellites," says Rachel. "The Glenheim people don't know they're being used, which is exactly the point. They wouldn't know the network was there unless they were looking for it." Jack pipes up that the network is rerouted every few days; if the Apple Store loses them now, they won't find them again. They have twelve minutes to locate the network. Marshall checks in with Getty. Getty tells him that they're at the dish and Dix is cutting through the panel now. Marshall tells them to contact him as soon as they open up the panel so he can know what they're looking at.
Dix opens up the panel and tells Marshall that he's looking at a key panel and an LCD readout. Marshall asks if there are any access ports. Dix finds one and links into it. "Affirmative," he says. "Uplink should be coming your way." Marshall receives the link and starts uploading the information. "Marshall, what're we looking at?" asks Syd. Marshall says it's not tracking back to one source. "Meaning?" asks Jack, obviously having heard his daughter say the very same thing not five seconds ago and thinking it was a pretty damn good thing to say again. "Meaning, when I try to locate the origin, several addresses keep popping up," says Marshall. "It looks like the information's being fed by a number -- wait a minute. That is weird. One of the nodes streams to Credit Marquis." "What's that?" asks Rachel. "Public front for French Intelligence," says Jack.
"That's not all," says Marshall. "I mean, there's a stream to the Russian SVR, a European pharmaceutical conglomerate, the CDC, MI-6, eh, this list goes on!" "So they're hijacking government servers," says Jack. "No, if that were the case," says Marshall, "I'd be able to detect it. I mean, this suggests…they are government." Oh, no. "Dad," says Syd. "Gordon Dean didn't bribe someone on the inside to get Sloane out of jail. His organization is already on the inside." Jack asks Marshall to trace the nodes, and he says he'll see what he can do.
Meanwhile, elsewhere in the Apple Store, Sloane walks through the halls, checking his watch. Elsewhere in the building, two random guys sit before computer monitors. Suddenly, the computer monitors up on the wall behind them go blank. "Right on time," says Random Guy Number One at the back of the room. "Network diagnostic is up and running." The hell? They're just randomly running a network diagnostic? What in the? I totally thought this was the Seattle building initially, so I was confused as to why what happens could happen, but now I know this took place in the Apple Store, and…IT STILL DOESN'T MAKE SENSE.
At any rate, Sloane slips through the corridors as Random Guy Number Two goes to leave the network room or whatever, and Random Guy Number One tells Random Guy he has exactly two minutes to grab a coffee -- oh, and while he's at it, grab him a cup with a wee bit o' cream. Nice pull from Season One, writers. Sloane puts a cloth over the door handle into Gordo's chamber and enters. "Arvin," says Gordo, pleased to see him. "For the minute and a half," says Sloane, "no one knows I'm here." "Good," says Gordo. "Get me outta here." "That isn't exactly what I had in mind," says Sloane, moving swiftly up to Gordo's face.
Back in Geek Central, Marshall's narrowed the network down to twelve isolated nodes. He thinks that he can trace their point of origin. "Twelve," says Rachel. "Yeah," says Marshall. "If there was never a one there was ever the twelve," says Rachel. She looks at Syd. "In the Caymans, that was one of Dean's account protocols." They don't have time to discuss this, unfortunately, because Marshall's been locked out. He tries to bypass the encryption. "Oh, no," he gasps. "What is it?" asks Jack. "Grade three: Watchman Encryption," says Marshall. "There's no way around this in six minutes." Rachel rightly surmises that they need a code, and Syd pipes up that Gordo mentioned something about a "watchman" and that he could help her. "He has the access code," says Syd. Jack tells her to go get Dean.
Back with Dean, Sloane is grabbing the back of Gordo's head as Gordo tells him that he doesn't have to do this. Oh, but he does, Gordo. Sloane shoves a pill into Dean's mouth and says, "God forgive me." Yeah, I think God's already washed Her hands of you, Arvin. But nice try. Syd, meanwhile, is waddling toward Gordo's LSD pad. Sloane holds Gordo's mouth shut, making sure he swallows the poison. Sloane backs off as Gordo shouts, "Help! Somebody please!" "These walls are soundproof. There's no point in shouting," silks Sloane. And then he pulls out a very small knife. I was confused about why he would do this, but then the forums let me know that when someone chews a cyanide tablet, they often get it out of their own cheek, thereby leaving a hole, so Sloane had to cut a hole in Gordo's cheek, I guess. I don't know WHY the forums would know this, but I can guarantee you that I'm going to be much nicer to them in the future. Syd finally makes it to Gordo's torture chamber and of course he's dead.
Later that day, Jack pours a glass of water and tells Sydney that, according to medical services, Dean took his own life. "Apparently with a cyanide tablet that he had subdermally planted inside his cheek." He hands her the water. Syd doesn't understand it. This morning, he wanted immunity. Jack thinks that Dean wanted power and that, once the drug wore off, he must've realized that he was facing a life sentence. "Death was easier to accept," says Jack. "Marshall counted twelve sources that make up Prophet Five," says Syd. "Twelve, Dad. It's like the Alliance all over again." No shit. Way to revisit the well, writers.
"If they are imbedded inside local government," says Syd, "where do we even start?" "We've already started," says Jack. Syd considers this and then says that she'll see him tomorrow. They smile briefly at each other, and then Syd says, "Do you have any plans for tonight?" "What'd you have in mind?" Jack easily asks. Heh. Oh, Jack. You have NO idea.
Robert the Bruce's Limousine. Angus is pouring a veddy nice inch of scotch into a glass and showing it to…Peyton. "Sure you won't join me?" he trills. "We can drink to your success." She nods it away. "Or perhaps, if it suits you, to soothe your guilt," says Angus. Oh, burn. "Guilt isn't one of my driving emotions," says Peyton. I bet it isn't. "To your success then," says Angus, handing her a glass. "As we agreed, Dean's operation is now yours. But with one warning: I appreciate ambition. But if you're considering any further betrayals, they will come at your own expense." Oh, as much as I like Peyton, girlfriend is WAY out of her league here. She says that she understands and they clink glasses to seal the deal. The limo stops and Angus gets out, saying he'll be right back.
He meets up with Sloane, and congratulates him on a job well done. Sloane basically says he took the offer because he didn't have a choice. "There's always a choice," says Angus. "My daughter," says Sloane, "when will she be cured?" "Soon," says Angus. "Soon?" says Sloane, totally irritated that this piece of Scottish shite is dragging him along. "Perhaps you could be a bit more specific." "I wish I could," says Angus. "But there are a few more things we need you to do first." "We have a deal," says Sloane. "No," says Angus, "we have an arrangement, which you don't seem to understand very well." "You son of a bitch," spits Sloane. "We'll be in touch," says Angus. "Until then, I want you to remember one thing. You have something now that you didn't have this morning." "What's that?" "Hope." Angus nods at him and walks to his car.
Barbie Baby Penthouse Complete With Sad Elton John Music. Jack and Syd are putting together the crib. Well, Jack is putting together the crib while Syd supervises. "Okay, that's the headboard," says Jack tersely. "That's the footboard," says Syd from her chair. "Mmmm-hmm. That's what I said," says Jack. Hee. "Have you ever actually built anything before?" asks Syd. Well, no, Syd, but he's removed a bullet from Sloane's chest, so I think he'd be capable at building a fucking crib. "Yes," says Jack. "As a matter of fact, I built your crib." Syd's surprised. "Really?" Jack hedges. "Well, your mother and I did it together." Yes, Jack. Yes, you did. And nine months later, a baby came out. Isn't that special?
Jack picks up the baby mattress and flings it down into the crib, all, "See? I did it!" "Done!" Jack declares. "Done?" asks Syd, doubtfully. "Mmm-hm," says Jack. "Why? Did you doubt me?" "No," says Syd, obviously still doubting him. "Of course not." She stands up and grabs one end of the crib and they move it toward the nursery. That's right. They didn't actually BUILD the crib in the nursery itself. Because they're spies, right? And they can figure out how to disarm a nuclear missile in under five minutes and stop a big glowing red ball from destroying the world, but they can't figure out that the crib? IS BIGGER THAN A DOORWAY.
Jack backs up as Syd pushes the crib forward and only when the crib crashes into the doorframe do they realize that they can't actually just roll the crib into the nursery. Jack tries slamming the crib into the doorframe a couple of times, you know, just in case the CRIB is wrong or the DOORFRAME is working against him. He stops and looks at his daughter, who is totally giggling on the inside, where it counts. "Get me the screwdriver," he sterns at her. She nods and hides her inside giggle until she can get safely away and laugh her ass off at her father's ineptitude.
Hee.
on Alias: Turkey Day! And Alias moves to Wednesday! And after that, SARK! No, I'm not joking. Sark is back, and he seduces Rachel. Oh, what fun we'll have…