[The Bradley Cooper interview picks up where it left off…in the middle of a make-out session. Hee.]
You get to make out with some good-lookin' chicks.
I did. I didn't really get to make out with Sydney, though. I mean, that was just sort of a peck.
Yeah, but you got there first, man.
I did.
Did you just totally lord it over Michael Vartan about, like, "Dude, I got to kiss her FIRST, man."
We didn't know each other well enough then, but if I could ever go back, I would. But, you know, in the scheme of things, now that I know what happens? I would just be a fool.
[laughing]
Talk about eating your words.
I know, I know. Of course, considering they're just like --
-- completely together --
-- in between the sheets. Actually, I really like how the show doesn't get down to the ground level, in a couple of different ways.
No, not at all.
Like, it'll give you a taste of something, but it's not gonna go whole hog.
I actually like that they're together now. I think that it's really about time.
Well, it's about time and they didn't do the whole X-Files thing where, you know, by Season Seven, there was a possible hint of them kind of maybe getting together? I like that J.J. and crew just got it out of the way. Because it just opens up a whole new slew of potential storylines.
Yeah, and a lot can happen then. I mean, that's just the beginning.
Oh, yeah! I like that it's not the ultimate solution. It's actually the beginning of a lot of problems.
And, like, if all this stuff can happen now, what the hell is the cliffhanger gonna be at the end of the season?
I know!
You know what I mean?
I know! And even you don't know!
Yeah -- I mean, I'm asking YOU!
I know! And I don't know! The thing that I like about the show right now is that there isn't really any clear direction that the show is going at the moment.
No, not at all. I think it's still finding itself. Which is pretty exciting for a show at the end of its second season.
Yeah, and I hope it gets a chance to continue. What's all this blather I hear about it not...
Oh, it's gonna get picked up.
I think so too.
Oh, yeah, are you kidding? The ratings are the best they've ever been.
Oh, good. I want them to move to a different night, though. So they're not opposite Sopranos and Six Feet Under.
I know. But I don't think it's going to.
I like the spot on Sunday, I just --
I think it should be on at ten. I think Dragnet should be the lead-in. I don't know why they don't just move us to ten. Dude, we follow DISNEY.
Yeah, that's kind of a weird thing.
And Dragnet is gonna go for a long time, I think.
I think so. If they keep up the way they started out.
It's pretty great.
It's a pretty good show.
I mean, both of those guys are just fantastic.
I know. I don't know if you get the chance to watch a lot of TV, but did you see that Married With Children special?
Totally! Oh, he's amazing. He's an amazing actor. I think it's a great formula, that show.
Yeah, I'm glad they decided to bring it back, but not make it like, not make fun of it.
Yeah. I think it would be great to have that, and then have Alias. But, hey, what're you gonna do? I think on any other network, it woulda been a lot harder to keep this show going.
I think you're probably very right on that.
I think it's been a blessing that ABC has been suffering so much for our show because, it's, uh, an expensive show.
And it also seems like a really good crew. Like, not just the cast, but the people who work on it.
Totally. I mean, we supported our crew at the Hair and Makeup Awards and that was great. No, it's really a pretty unique experience.
Yeah, it sounds like it. [exhales loudly] Sorry. I'm smoking. I know you quit.
I know...[groans]
Oh, punkin, I'm so sorry. You'll be okay. Hey, you guys don't go on yourselves and actually read the boards, do you?
I used to go on, quite a bit, and it just wasn't really healthy for me.
No, I wouldn't think so. There's too much room for...not improvement, let's say. It's not good for you, it's not good for me. Pretty much, I get on there and people are bitching at me about recaps and stuff.
Yeah, I think it's good if you have your shit together, it's good to read it. But, if not, then it's not good.
[laughing] I think you have your shit together!
I think it's a pretty good barometer for if you have your shit together! "Let's see...am I together? Let's go into Television Without Pity. Oh, no. I wanna kill myself. Okay." [laughing]
[laughing] I don't think it's that bad!
[laughing] No need to go to therapy or anything! Here's the barometer. Right here.
I think it's hard to discern between what people are saying about your character and you.
Completely. Especially when you're playing a character for a year and a half.
Exactly. And you're like, "Well, stop saying that Will sucks." Because, first of all, he doesn't, and second of all, SHUT UP.
Yeah. It's pretty crazy.
Are you getting recognized more because of this show?
Yeah, definitely. But only in a great way.
Good. So you can actually live your life?
Yeah. I was just down the street the other day, buying a couple of albums. And I just thought, it's pretty great, just to be able to do that and have nothing, like, cumbersome, occur.
Oh, that's good. What's the last really good CD you bought?
I just bought "The Roots." The new album by Jurassic Five.
Ooh, Jurassic Five?! Nice, dude. Excellent.
Yeah.
What's the last fabulous movie that you saw?
Um. You know what I just saw? Hopscotch.
OOH! You're kidding me.
Nah.
Oh, my god. That's one of my favorite movies of all time.
Is it really?
Yeah, I own it. I own the Criterion of it.
I love that movie! Like halfway through I was like, "Eh." And then I just got, like, addicted to it and didn't want it to end!
It was one of my dad's favorite moves and he turned me onto it.
Well, first of all, I'm a huge Glenda Jackson fan. Women In Love is one of my favorites. But, Hopscotch, definitely.
Hopscotch is one of those movies that I can watch over and over and over again.
Dude. Ned Beatty. Actually, after I saw it, I called J.J. and I was like, "Dude, we have to get Ned Beatty."
Oh, totally!
I did. Literally. He's amazing.
"Now I know what 'FBI' stands for: 'Fucking Ballbusting IDIOTS'!"
How great is he in that?
Oh, dude. It was the first movie I'd ever seen as a kid where "fuck" was every other word.
I know! But out of his mouth only!
I know! And Walter Matthau was like this decent guy...
Oh, Matthau. And I love the way he holds his gun, like he's a two-year-old.
And Sam Waterston? Oh, it's just a brilliant movie. And the Criterion Collection has all this background stuff and how it was a book and how it came to screen, and it was just a very good investment on my part. It's just one of those movies that's a classic and deserves to be recognized. That's why I dig the Criterion. That's why it rocks. Sorry. Getting off track here. Let's see...whatever happened to "Jenny"? Your girltoy?
She's still drivin' somewhere.
[laughing]
Took my car...or that was her car...she's still drivin'.
Kicked your ass outta the car...still drivin'...
Yeah, how great was that? I actually love that, you know, I have to say, that's one thing that I do love what's happened with my character, he is very human.
Yes. Well, I think that's the point of him.
Yeah, exactly. And I think, to his detriment and his benefit. You know, what happened with Jenny is what happens all the time. And I think that he got caught in a situation and didn't know quite how to deal with it and he didn't make the right decision and, you know, it was a nice little story, I thought.
Oh, I thought so too. We were all just so happy that Will was gettin' some. And the way it all played out, I think it was all very real. And I'm hoping that the show continues to do this, where it kind of melds in the real stuff with the ass-kicking. I mean, for me, it was about the ass-kicking and the spy stuff, but the core of it is still the humanity.
Yeah, and I think you can be well assured that J.J. will never let that go.
See, and I think that's what he's actually all about.
Yeah.
I'd never seen Armageddon before and I saw it recently --
And it actually has a lot of that!
Totally!
Completely! You can totally tell it's him.
I was like, "I'm not gonna see this piece of crap! Whatever, J.J." And my friend Randy was like, "Dude. You HAVE to see it."
Dude, he wrote Regarding Henry too.
Oh, that's right.
And he wrote Forever Young. And he wrote Takin' Care of Business.
He wrote Takin' Care of Business?
How great is THAT?
That's stellar. I think he has a real sense of humanity.
Oh, he's amazing. He's like...pfft. And, he's, like, a good guy.
It sounds like it.
A really loyal guy.
I mean, come on! He cast Greg Grunberg. I mean, they were friends from, like, childhood.
And it doesn't hurt that Greg Grunberg is, like, insanely talented.
No. No, it doesn't. I mean, he's infinitely watchable.
Oh, he's great, dude.
Dude, and I love that he got shot, and now he's got this whole "carpe diem" thing going on!
Yeah, I hope that they utilize that and make him a regular year.
I hope so. He's very compelling. I like to watch his character a lot.
Yeah, I hope to have some scenes with him.
So, you have no idea, coming up, if you're gonna have scenes with him?
I can just hope.
He's around more, which I like. I mean, I'm glad you all have this core unit where you can all hang out. Like you know that none of you are going anywhere.
Yeah, but...they've already killed...they killed Francie.
That was...that was a completely stellar moment when the camera pans down and we're like, "No WAY!"
Yeah, the episode's over. SD-6 is down, you're like, what a great episo-- WHHAAAAT?
I know! We're like, oh, making out, everybody's making out, Sark's talking about it, okay, whatever, all of a sudden, WHOA! DUDE!
Yeah, pretty ridiculous.
Actually, that's why we were all flummoxed, because it was never dealt with where you went or if you got Francie or what. And we're like, man, somebody do something about this, let's talk about this. It was just one of those storylines that just sort of went...
Well, you know, actually, in the script, that scene where I'm doin' the crossword puzzle, there was line where Syd asked if Will got Francie out okay or whatever and he was like, "Yeah, I took her to Santa Barbara," or something. So, basically, he was like, "Yes. I got her out."
So, it was taken care of?
So you know it was taken care of, who knows when.
So, it could have been at any time, at any moment. We don't know.
Yeah.
Well, it's just good to know that...I know that sometimes, the stuff that winds up onscreen isn't --
We never even FILMED that bit about Santa Barbara. That was just in one version of the script.
And then it just never made it onto the screen --
Yeah.
Does that happen a lot?
Yeah. You know, they have to figure stuff out. Think about what they pack into forty-two minutes?
Yeah, I know.
It's insane.
It is pretty amazing. The shows are very dense. Which is, actually, the only time I get really snarky on it is when there's a bunch of stuff that I just don't understand.
Oh, completely. I'll tell you one thing you can tell your audience -- Ken Olin is the BEST director.
Is he?
Dude, if you go back and you look at the episodes that he directed, they're pretty much the best episodes.
I'm trying to think which ones those were -- do you know offhand --
He did "Page 47."
No way. He did?
He did that episode you said you loved? You know, the second-to-last episode of last year?
Yeah!
He did that episode. He did "Q & A." This year he did one that was phenomenal. I can't remember which one it was, but it was SO good. He's pretty incredible.
And he put his wife on.
And he put his wife on.
And he showed up at one point.
Oh, how great was that!
I loved that!
Dude, that was literally some of the best...that was the most fun. See, that point of the year last year, I was having a blast. 'Cuz Will was doing a LOT of stuff.
Totally! He was runnin' around, he was interviewing people, he was getting calls from Deep Throat --
He was getting beat up by Jack! Yeah, that stuff was fun. And that stuff with "McNeil" [Ken Olin's character] was pretty great.
Yeah. Wait, how psyched were you when you got to go apeshit on the Sadistic Dentist of Asian Persuasion?
Oh, it was so great!
Awww, dude. We were so psyched!
You know, just to be active! And that's why I also loved the scene, that scene where...and I thought they cut it really well...where Will tells Vaughn to be responsible with Sydney.
Yes! I loved that scene!
Because it was so not like this jealous guy, you know? I mean, you understood everything. He knows what the score is. He knows what's up. But he cares for her and he also knows that Vaughn has a girlfriend. But he knows that she cares for him. And he's willing to give up his job, this chance to work for the CIA, just to make sure that everything's clean.
I know! And that he's, in the long run, no matter what happened or didn't happen with Sydney, he was like, "I wanna look out for her." Which I loved! That's always been a through-line with your character. That no matter what, you care about your people.
Yeah, completely.
That was always really clear. And that's something that they've kept with, which I always really appreciated.
Yeah, he's very devoted.
Yeah, and he's not like turning a corner all of a sudden and going negative or going all spy all of a sudden.
Yeah, he doesn't vacillate with his ideals at ALL.
No, and I think that's important. That's what his role is. He's that one character you can always count on to do the right thing. Even if he screws it up, he's still trying to do the right thing.
Yes. Completely. That was a fun scene. With Vaughn.
Yeah. But what was up with the makeup, dude? Like in that scene where you got beaten up and you had, like, a hamburger on your eye?
[laughing]
What was UP with that?
You're saying that it was a poorly-done makeup --
NO! It was awesome! We were creeped out! It was GROSS!
You know what, the thing is, you get it put on in the morning for, like, three hours, and you have it on all day, and you forget that you're wearing it. And you're walking around and --
People at craft services are all, "Duuude..."
Yeah, people move a little bit farther away. You're like, "What's wrong, dude?" And they're like, "Nothing, man. Nothing." That was great, though. I love doing that stuff.
See, that's fun. And I'm glad you guys went and supported your makeup and hair team.
Oh, they're fantastic.
I mean, they do such a great job. What with the nine thousand wigs that Sydney has to wear. Do you ever get a chance to --
Wear a wig? Yeah, totally.
[laughing] Yeah, totally. But, like, not on the show or anything.
Yeah, man.
No, do you ever get a chance to hang out with Lena Olin or talk to her? I mean, you don't really --
Ohhhh...god. I wish I could.
[cracking up]
Nah, I mean, I've seen her a bunch, just because of the promotion stuff we've all done together, and when I'm leaving, she'll be, like, coming, but I have not worked with her and I would just love to because she is just...something else. She's really talented.
She's an amazing person. I mean, she can go from doing Chocolat to Romeo is Bleeding. She can do anything.
She's pretty incredible.
Yeah, and she's, what, forty-something, and she looks like she's twenty.
Yeah. It's pretty ridiculous.
Do you just hang out on the set and, like, pretend you have to work so that maybe you'll kind of by accident run into her?
Eh, you know, I'm not gonna say no to that.
[laughing]
I'm gonna plead the fifth.
"Hey, I'm not gonna deny it..."
Well...
Whatever happened with My Little Eye? [A movie that Bradley did that was released in 2002.]
Yeah, what is going on with that? I have no idea.
Because it was released in Europe.
It's out in the UK now, I think. I haven't seen it. But it was a great premise.
Yeah, I loved the premise.
But, no, I don't know what's happening with that. Hopefully, it'll come to the States.
So, you haven't seen it yet. And it was shot in Halifax, right?
Halifax, Nova Scotia, yeah.
Heh. That's where my grandmother's "peoples" are from.
Oh, cool. Yeah, I shot it while I was shooting the pilot of Alias, actually.
Oh, god. Did you have to go back and forth?
I did, yeah. Twice.
Oh, that's not fun.
Oh, it was great. What, are you kidding?
You're like, "Dude. I'm working. This rocks."
Totally. Now I'd be like, "Nova Scotia? Nah."
What's going on with Carnival Knowledge? [Another movie that Bradley did that was released in 2002.]
That was a movie I made in Tampa, like, an independent film. I talked to the director, actually, a couple of days ago, Peter Knight, and I think he was coming out to meet some distributors.
Okay, so it's been done. It's in the can, but --
You know, it's a very small, indie production...
What's it about? What is your character in it? Because I've read stuff about it on IMDb, but there aren't many details.
He's like a really wealthy kid who has gone against his family and didn't become a lawyer, and he loves R&B music and he just decided to drop everything and become a DJ at this local radio station. There's actually a triangle relationship not too different from Alias.
Really?
Yeah, him and this girl and this other...can you hold on one second?
[This is the part where Bradley leaves the conversation, I light another cigarette, and then he comes back on.]
Sorry.
That's okay.
It was, like, an AT&T operator or something. I was like, "No, you have the wrong number." And he was like, "No, are you the decision maker?" I was like, "Nope!"
"No, I'm TWELVE!"
"No! I have NO IDEA!" I can't compel myself to hang up on the person.
I know. I really feel bad, but --
Yeah, I'm not gonna feel bad anymore.
Actually, usually what I do is tell them to take me off their list.
Yeah, you know what's great? My friend's done this a couple times. He's like, "Oh, you know what? Can you hold on one second?" And then he puts the phone down for, like, an HOUR.
[cracking up]
Literally.
Okay, that is kick-ass. That's like when people go, "Actually, I'm busy right now. Can I call YOU back?" That's another version that I love.
"Yeah, just hold on, I gotta get somethin' in the fridge."
Yeah, and just set it on the table, leave, do your grocery shopping...
Go to bed...
Yeah, and this person's just sitting there.
Yeah.
How did you get the Lonely Planet gig?
Oh, that was great.
I've seen some clips from it. It looks amazing.
My commercial agent, when I was out in New York, I was still in school, and they sent me on this audition, an open call. The thing was, you know, "We're looking for a person willing to do extreme treks but not without experience, but has to have extreme sensibilities," or something like that. So, I had to make up this trek that I went on and I made up this whole thing that I went to Indonesia in hunt of the, like, Komodo Dragon or something, and I made up all this bullshit. Then I got called back, and they were like, "Okay, we want to film you and you have to make up a trek in Central Park." So, I -- and I had never even slept in a tent before -- I grew up in, just barely, the suburbs of Philadelphia. So I borrowed all my buddies' camping stuff, like a backpack and boots. So, I went and did this thing and it was like one of those days where you don't care about anything, so it kind of all flowed, and they really dug it. And they were like, "Okay, we're sending you to Canada to do a biking trek through Newfoundland and sea kayaking with Orca whales in British Columbia and canoeing down the Bonaventure River in Quebec." And I was like, "WHAT?" "And you have to sign a five-hundred-thousand-dollar life insurance policy!"
Oh my god. And you're like, "You're gonna pay me, right? RIGHT?"
And then, cut to, like, fourteen episodes later and I'm, like, climbing glaciers in PERU.
[laughing] What an amazing fucking experience!
It was really crazy.
I mean, you got PAID to do that, dude!
Yeah, it was really out of control.
I wish they would show it again.
I know! It used to be on the Travel Channel but I guess they didn't renew it again.
Well, that's all the Discovery Channel family. So, it might resurface now that you're doing Alias. Like, they might think that they can bank on that or something. I would love to see that.
Well, you never know. It'll be some funny stuff. Oh, god...
Oh, god.
Uh, yeah.
Heh. You entered the masters program at the Actor's Studio after graduating from Georgetown where you where an English major, right?
Right.
I know that you had said that you'd always wanted to act, but you were sort of nervous about it or scared?
Yeah, I think so. I think I wasn't really prepared to do it. But, at the same time, I'm so glad I didn't do it because, you know, there's just other things to do which, ultimately, informs your acting.
Well, Brian Dennehy said that to us when he came to talk to Theatre School students. He was like, "Go out and live a life."
Yeah, I'm definitely glad that I waited. But I always knew I wanted to be an actor. Basically, there was a moment when I saw The Elephant Man when I was twelve and I just knew that's what I wanted to do.
Really? Because that movie creeped me out.
It was really just pretty much one moment. When Anthony Hopkins comes in and sees Merrick for the very first time. I was addicted to the way it made me feel; like the music and everything. John Hurt's performance, and Anthony Hopkins when he comes in the room and he just starts tearing up...it was just really crazy. He was humbled...and I would, like, replay it, just so I would have that feeling. And movies moved me in a way that nothing else had in my life, at that point.
Yeah, I always felt that way when I saw, like, Raiders of the Lost Ark or something like that, where I just wanted to do that or be that.
Yeah, and I lived door to a movie theatre, so I was constantly going to movies. And my dad is a huge film buff. So I was exposed to a lot. And then I got a chance to do The Elephant Man for my thesis at the Actor's Studio, which was just a great 180.
That's really awesome. Did you learn other stuff there? Like, because we learned movement and music --
Yeah, we did the whole deal, voice class, movement. Alvin Ailey. Did really important technique with Martha Graham.
We did all that movement to music stuff --
Yeah, I'm sure it was very similar. Were you an MFA?
No, I was a BFA. Undergrad. Four-year program. Or, if you were gonna do the conservatory program, you just got, like, a certificate, instead of a degree. Which -- the degree did me NO good, because I wound up being a secretary for five years while I was acting at night. So degrees mean nothing unless you get them from, like, the Actor's Studio or Yale Drama School --
Eh, I don't know about the Actor's Studio.
Well, it has a little more weight, let's just put it that way.
Well, yeah, but the ultimate thing for me was, I learned so much. Luckily, I never had the delusion that the degree would get me anything, other than experience. But, I mean, the teachers in that program are pretty stellar.
Did you ever run into James Lipton?
Oh, he was our dean!
Is he as freaky as he seems to be on Inside the Actor's Studio?
He's great. You know, I really just have to say, as kooky as he is, and he IS kooky, he's a pretty great guy.
He's well-read, that's for DAMN sure.
He sure is. And he'll let you know it.
Heh. Come on, Bernard Pivot!
[silly French accent] "Bouillon de Culture."
He did the Ben Affleck one recently where he was like, "I like to end these sessions with the questionnaire given by Bernard Pivot --" And everyone just cracked up. And he was just like, "Okay, his name is Bernard PIHVAT. Okay? But he's FRENCH so it's 'Pee-voh'!" Like, I love that he is willing to make fun of himself.
Oh, totally! He totally makes fun of himself!
I mean, come on! You don't go on The Simpsons as yourself if you don't have a sense of humor.
No, he's great. He's really a great sport. And he got a great group together. I mean, he's the reason the group exists.
Yeah, no. He's kick-ass. I think we're almost done. Hmmm. If you could meet any hero, living or dead, who would it be?
Daniel Day-Lewis.
Really?
[quietly] Yeah, I love him, man.
See, I love him? But he scares me.
No, I love him.
Everything I've seen him in, he just scares me.
No, his Gangs of New York performance is just like...whew...
Did you like Gangs of New York? I haven't seen it.
I did for him. I thought his performance was mind-blowing. It's what we all as actors should look up to because it was real, but at the same time, completely bold. I didn't think that he was acting ONE BIT OF THAT. I thought that he WAS that guy. You know, and I thought that it was just, such a powerful performance, and it was such a testament to what a performance can do, that I thought it was bigger than the movie, than everything. It was, like, he was the whole thing.
He's the kind of actor, as far as I can tell from his acting career, I mean, My Left Foot and stuff, he just absorbs the character and becomes it. It's not even method. It's just Daniel Day-Lewis. I mean, Unbearable Lightness of Being...
That's like Meryl Streep. I think Meryl Streep's like that, too. I mean, A Cry In The Dark? That performance?
That was on cable recently and I finally saw the whole thing.
What'd you think?
I LOVED IT!
Dude, I was like, are you KIDDING ME? Who IS this woman? It was like a documentary! Oh, and Sam Neill was just --
Oh, I love Sam Neill. He just kicks ass.
Dude! It was GENIUS! When she's leaving in the prison and he's CRYING? That was a tough role to play.
Well, because you're sort of, with his character, I mean, not to put it too bluntly or anything, but he was sort of a pussy.
Yeah, completely! And he made it so real, and you believed it and you cared for him. But Meryl Streep...you were just sort of...what the fuuuck?
I know! And you never quite knew...I mean, there was a thought in your head that, like, she could have DONE this terrible thing, you know? Like there was some element to her that you weren't quite sure if she was on the level or not. And I loved the way she played it.
Yeah, she was incredible.
I mean, it's not a very likeable character, initially, but I really loved it. I'm so glad it was on cable. Okay...what else? Oh, I just read Q Magazine recently and they had these great questions that were really funny, so...when's the last time you were really drunk?
Oh. Um. This morning, I think.
[laughing] Now.
Um. [pause] I think that's a good sign, that I don't remember...
[laughing]
Can you hold on for one second?
Yeah.
[Another moment where Bradley rings off and I light the four hundredth cigarette of the interview.]
Wow. I'm getting all these information calls.
You're really popular.
It's weird. All of a sudden, my number must've gotten, like, keyed into --
-- eight hundred different computers --
Yeah. So, is that a good response?
What, that you can't remember?
[laughing] No, whatever I said.
"This morning"?
[laughing] Yeah, no. "If I can't remember, that's a good thing"?
Yeah, I can put that.
Or whatever. You can put this morning. Just say "this morning."
I should say "this morning" just because I think it's funnier.
Exactly.
What's the best advice you've ever received, acting or otherwise?
Huh. That's a good question.
I know. Made me think. Actually, I think Keith Richards's answer was, "Don't eat that."
That's great. [laughing] That's brilliant.
I know. His questionnaire was fucking hilarious.
Ummm..."Don't forget to wipe up."
[laughing silently] Yeah. That's good. I like that. Huh. Okay. I think I've pretty much run through everything. I thought that maybe I'd end on the Bernard Pivot questionnaire because, well, I just think it's funny.
Ohhh...
Dude. It's funny. And I have to say, "I always like to end these sessions by proffering the questionnaire made famous by Bernard Pivot on his wonderful show, Bouillon de Culture." What's your favorite word?
Oh, fuck.
[cracking up]
That's so...this is kind of surreal...uh...my favorite word. I'm gonna be like De Niro. De Niro literally could not answer ANY of these questions.
I know! He blanked out.
I mean, literally, we were sitting there for, like, two minutes. Eh, I don't know. Gimme a word.
I like, "Oh, fuck." I think that's pretty funny. Come on! Think, like, when you're working or something...
What's a good word...uh..."chassis."
"Chassis"? [giggling] Okay, that is AWESOME.
[laughing] I like the way words sound.
Yeah, me too. The onomatopoeia of it.
Yeah, what's another good one? Because when you say "a good word," I just start to think of words I like to say. Like, uh, "gumption."
Oooh. I like "guacamole."
[laughing] "Guacamole." Greaaat.
Or "yogurt." It goes back to George Carlin. What's your least favorite word?
Um. Hmm. Oh, fuck, dude. This is hard.
See? You never know! You might be on this show in the future and you're gonna have to prepare this!
Um. "Sadness." [laughs] No. Heh.
What is it -- I hate it when they're like, "What is your favorite word?" "Can." "What is your least favorite word?" "Can't." It's like, WHAT?
Um, least favorite word. Can it be a phrase?
Yes.
"Interesting, but it's not going to go any further."
[laughing hard] Okay, that's great. What turns you on creatively, personally, professionally?
Other people doing inspiring shit.
What turns you off?
Cynicism.
What sound or noise do you love?
Um. I love a train.
Really?
Yeah, I love the sound a train makes.
What sound or noise do you hate?
"Shh-shh."
What, people going, "shhh"?
Yeah. "Shh."
What's your favorite curse word?
Um actually, it's an Italian..."Fottuto chucho cazzo." Which means, "You motherfucking cocksucker." When I was in Italy, this guy would always go, "Fottuto chucho cazzo." And I was like, "What the HELL is that?" And he was like, [Italian accent] "You motherfucking cocksucker."
Okay, that is brilliant. If you can actually pull that out in conversation, that is stellar.
Yeah.
What profession or professions other than your own would you like to attempt?
You know, I'd love to be a musician.
Really? Anything in particular? Or just any--
Guitar.
Guitar.
Guitar. Or, you know, a singer. I'd love to be a, fuckin', violinist, or even a jazz saxophonist. Or a composer. You know, when I was a kid...just a composer. No, wait. I'm sorry. Conductor. I'd like to be a conductor. Conducting. Like, having all of that power at your fingertips. Like, you just move your hand and something goes, "Whoooo!" Pretty cool.
Yeah, you just have eighteen violins just going off.
Yeah. Pretty crazy.
What profession or professions would you not like to attempt?
I wouldn't want to be something where I had to lie to people all the time. I wouldn't want to be...you know what the truth is? I would HATE to be an investment banker.
You would really hate to be that.
I would really hate that.
If heaven exists, what would you like God to say when you've arrived?
"Well, look who's here!"
Ooh, I like that! That was lovely!
Well, good.
All right. I think we're done, sweetie. [And yes, I actually said "sweetie". What is he, my laundry buddy? Good Jesus...]
Great. That was really fun.
Yeah. It was really fun. I'm glad I got a chance to talk to you.
Oh, totally. Yeah, you're a really sweet woman.
Oh, thank you!
Yeah, and if I run into Zak, I'll tell him that we met.
Oh, please do! Because I haven't talked to him in forever. And I don't have an email address for him or anything. So, I would love that.
Cool.
Thanks.
Well, I'll check out...will the interview be on the website?
Yeah, it should be up in a couple of weeks.
Okay.
Thanks Will! [Oh, holy hampers filled with the body of Christ...] Bye! [Oh, god, what a twizzly dork...]