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One of the missing 63s is a bank thief named Cal Sweeney. He's handsome, conniving and he shows up in modern San Fransisco with a mission he doesn't quite understand. He robs multiple banks, but it's the safe deposit boxes he hits and not the vaults. He does this by romancing a few lady tellers who willingly turn off the security cameras so they can commence nookie undetected. Cal just drugs his unwitting and unfulfilled accomplices, then makes off with the goods.
When Doc and Rebecca go over the details of the case, they realize that Cal is going after female tellers who are "average-looking" and 45-50 years old. They are neither of these things, but we'll have to suspend our disbelief. This leads the A-Team to Cal's target, but things go south pretty quickly and Cal ends up taking a whole bunch of people hostage. Rebecca then has to sneak into the bank, convince Cal she's there to help him and then sneak him back out. As they're making their escape, Rebecca uncovers one of the items Cal has stolen. It's another one of those big mystery keys. He says he has no idea why he was told to steal it. When he tries to turn the tables on Rebecca, she foils him with his own lack of seatbelt knowledge. (To be explained.)
In the flashbacks, we see Cal running the black market in Alcatraz. He has a young, eager protégé named Harlan who learns from him very quickly. Deputy Tiller wants a cut of the shady dealings; when Cal refuses, Tiller steals a small tin box from Cal's cell. This is a trifling but important memento of Cal's past and he eventually agrees to Tiller's demands in exchange for the box's return. Alas, all his wheeling and dealing lands him in the hole, and it was all for nothing because it turns out Harlan is the one who stole the box. He plans to take over the operation while Cal is in solitary. Harlan so impresses Warden James that he takes the young man to meet someone very important... someone who is hidden behind a heavy door that only unlocks by using both the mysterious keys. Stay tuned for the full weecap.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!The episode starts in present-day San Francisco. A good-looking guy in his thirties walks into a bank carrying a briefcase. It's Eric Johnson, whom you may recall as Whitney Fordman from Smallville. He walks up to the counter and greets a teller named Amanda as if for the first time. "I'd like to pay a visit to my safety [sic] deposit box, please." He flashes her a charming smile. As soon as they're alone in the safe deposit area, they drop the pretense and start making out like randy teenagers. Amanda assures him she's turned off the security cameras so her boss won't see them. He pushes her up against a wall, seemingly for some fun naughtiness, but then he whips out a syringe and injects her with some kind of sedative. He disables the locks on several boxes, using some kind of gun without a handle that will later be explained as a cattle-killing implement. He steals mostly papers and passports, then comes across a pretty necklace. "Aw, hello, there," he says with a vaguely Southern accent. "What's your story?" Before the thief can make a clean getaway, another bank employee walks in and sees Amanda lying unconscious on the floor. The guy begs for his life. The thief shoots him in the head with the cow gun.
Flashback to the Alcatraz laundry room, 1960. The thief folds clothes along with a younger inmate who looks at him like he hung the moon. "Now, pay attention, kid, I'm only going through this once," the thief says. "Oh, I'm at full attention, Mr. Sweeney," the kid says. He looks like a chipmunk with a Crispin Glover haircut. I don't think anyone says his name in the episode, but a web search says his name is Harlan. Sweeney explains to young Harlan about how to sneak contraband into inmates' laundry pickups. One such inmate shows up for his laundry (and his contraband) but has no money. Sweeney lets him slide, promising to collect three times the money from him week. Sweeney explains to Harlan that to do otherwise would make the prisoners see him as week. "So you have to be tough," Harlan says. "No emotion, kid," Sweeney says. "You can't care about anyone or anything." He says if the kid wants to be his protégé, he'll have to learn that. A guard comes to let Sweeney know, all hush-hush like, that Tiller is going through his cell. When Sweeney returns to his cell, he frantically searches for something without finding it. "I need to talk to Mr. Tiller," he says to the guard.
Dim Sum restaurant, present day. Rebecca and Doc have breakfast together. While Rebecca enthusiastically chows through her pork buns, Doc eyes his food with wariness. Their morning chat reveals that Doc got his degrees to make his parents happy and then purposely got himself blacklisted from academia by trying to publish a criminology paper based on Gotham City. Rebecca thinks that's pretty adorable. Her phone rings. She answers, listens and then tells Doc they have to go. "Someone hit the safety [sic] deposit boxes at Colonial Liberty." When Rebecca says only the boxes were hit and not the vault, Doc immediately thinks of Cal Sweeney.
While they're running off to the crime scene, I'd like to take a moment to wonder where these criminals are popping up. Except for Jack in the premier episode, we haven't seen any of these guys waking up. Do they all pop up in their old cells like Jack? If so, why wouldn't The A-Team figure that out? Or, hell, why wouldn't they at least wonder about it and prepare for the possibility? Yes, we're only four episodes in, but the show needs some grounding. They need to take a minute here and there and establish a few basics so it doesn't feel so... disembodied and artificial. The show would feel a lot more mysterious if the characters acknowledged the mysteriousness.
Also, everyone keeps calling them "safety" deposit boxes and it's kind of bothering my inner pedant and I'm just going to have to get over it because it's not going to stop. As Rebecca and Doc walk into the bank, Doc says Sweeney "wouldn't hurt a fly" back in the day, as long as things went smoothly. They info-dump about why Sweeney chose boxes over vaults. Bottom line is that stealing from the vaults would have been a federal crime while stealing from the boxes was just "destruction of property." Hauser is waiting for them inside to explain about the cattle gun and the surveillance cameras. (Apropos of nothing, Rebecca totally looks like Peter Pan with her short blond hair, greenish jacket, skinny brown pants and ankle boots.) Figuring Sweeney must have had help, Rebecca goes to talk with Amanda. She weepily tells them about they met in the grocery store and how they always went to her place because his house was being worked on. Also, because it didn't exist. Doc says it looks like Sweeney hit another bank two days earlier. Rebecca thinks they should ask around pawn shops to see if Sweeney has tried to sell the stolen goods. But first they need to get a list of the items from their owners.
Currently, Sweeney is one of those owners' houses. He cons his way inside by telling the man he's with the bank and needs a list of the stolen items for some insurance claims. They have a sit-down and the man mentions a sapphire necklace that belonged to his wife. Sweeney asks increasingly odd and personal questions, ending with, "Where did you meet your wife?" The guy's lizard brain tingles and tells him something isn't quite right. "Why do you need to know that for the insurance forums?" he asks. "I don't," Sweeney admits. "I need to know for me." He takes the necklace from his pocket and sets it on the table between them. When the guy reaches for it, Sweeney uses the cow gun to nail his hand to the table. It's gross and kind of cool. Sweeney leans in close and says, "What I want is the story that makes this necklace so important to you. That story begins with how you met your wife."
Flashback. Tiller's at the prison barber, getting a hot shave. Accompanied by a guard, Sweeney comes in. "I see you got my invitation," Tiller says. Sweeney accuses Tiller of stealing something from his cell. Tiller denies it, which kind of confuses Sweeney. "They why am I here?" he asks. "I want a piece of your operation," Tiller says. Sweeney scoffs, thinking he still has the upper hand. Without his operation, the inmates would riot. "So until I get my box back, consider me closed for business." At this point, the barber accidentally nicks Tiller's cheek with the razor. Tiller grabs the man's wrist. For a second, it looks like he's going to lose his cool, but then he gives a little speech about how one should shave with the grain and not against. "When you go against the grain? That's when you get nicked." That's weird, because it looked like the barber was going with the grain there. But that wouldn't have suited Tiller's metaphor.
Later, in the laundry room, Sweeney is griping to Harlan. "You ever see a dog lay down and show its belly to another dog? That's that dog's way of saying the bigger dog is in charge." Sometimes, it's just the dog's way of saying, "Hey, wanna check out my weenie?" Sweeney says he can't let Tiller get away with taking his box. Harlan suggests Sweeney make a deal with Tiller somewhere private, so as to not lose face. He generously offers to help Sweeney get assigned to steward's duty at the warden's house for Tiller's upcoming birthday party.
Doc and Rebecca walk toward the last house on their list. They visited all the people in person? Wouldn't it have been quicker to call? They're met outside the door by Mr. Bailey's wife, who's just arriving home herself. Mrs. Bailey does some stellar screaming when she finds her husband bloody and dead inside. It's the necklace guy.
At the same time, Sweeney arrives at his bank of choice. As he waits in line, he makes eyes at the teller behind the counter.
Flashback to the warden's residence on the night of the party. Harlan and Sweeney have their steward livery on as they set the table. Warden James comes in, all duded up in a tuxedo, and tells them, "Let's give old E.B. a night he'll never forget." As the guests arrive, Tiller walks in with a woman who leans against him for support. Sweeney describes her as "Tiller's gimp sister" who lives with him. More importantly, she's Geri Jewell, whom you might remember from The Facts of Life and/or Deadwood. Warden James compliments her and she makes a joke about wanting to wear her birthday suit, but her prudish brother wouldn't let her.
Dinner commences with no lack of awkwardness. Dr. Beauregard meets Dr. Lucille Sengupta for the first time and wastes no time in mispronouncing her name and just basically being an ass because her medical degrees are fancier than his. Tiller says something about the criminals at Alcatraz being "wired bad." Lucy believes that deviant behavior is caused by traumatic memories. She hopes to remove those memories and replace them with more soothing ones. "Removing memories? Sounds like magic to me," Dr. Beau says. "As did the discovery of fire to the caveman," Lucy says. Hee.
Alca-Hub. Rebecca and Doc have discovered that the only thing in Cal Sweeney's box is a charred, crushed and totally empty tin box. Hauser joins them, all in a huff. "This better be worth the interruption," he says. Interruption of what? Also: Shut up, Hauser. Doc tap-taps at the computer and shows them the info they've uncovered about Sweeney's other 2012 robbery. An owner of one of those safe deposit boxes was found dead in his home. This is different from Sweeney's past crimes, when he just sold the goods and moved on to the town. Rebecca gets an idea. She asks Doc to run the security footage from both banks. She watches Sweeney flirt with two female tellers. "Both 45 to 50," Rebecca says. Neither looks close to 50 to me. "No wedding rings, average looks." They're not super models, but they're both pretty. You suck sometimes, TV. Rebecca notices that the tellers have identical vases of flowers, which luckily have cards bearing the name of the florist.
Mae's Flower Shop. The florist, a cute Asian woman, gives them a list of Sweeney's deliveries. She also tries to flirt with Doc, but he seems oblivious. The list shows a third arrangement was sent to a teller named Melissa at Heritage Bay National Bank.
Heritage Bay. Sweeney's putting the moves on Melissa in the safe deposit room. He's not quite fast enough with the syringe this time and she sees it coming. She manages to hit the alarm before he knocks her out. Working quickly, Sweeney scans the wall of boxes, finds #1863 and punches out the lock. When he tries to leave the bank with his ill-gotten goods, a guard stops him. Sweeney knocks him upside the head with his briefcase and steals his gun. Police cars pull up outside. Sweeney shoots the ceiling a few times and orders the bank patrons to the ground.
Flashback to the party. Warden James makes a nice toast in honor of Tiller, then gives him a pretty new fountain pen, uttering that old adage about the pen being mightier than the sword. Harlan accidentally on purpose spills some coffee in Tiller's lap, thus necessitating Tiller's exodus to the washroom. Sweeney follows after him. "Twenty percent, and I get my box back," he says. "Fifty," Tiller counters. "Thirty," Sweeney offers. Tiller holds firm and Sweeney caves. "Now give me my box," he says. "I told you I don' t have it," Tiller says. Sweeney flies into a rage. He grabs Tiller and shoves his head into the toilet bowl. Tiller uncaps his new pen and stabs Sweeney in the leg with it. Sometimes, boys and girls, the pen is a sword. While Sweeney writhes around on the floor in agony, Tiller calmly dries himself off and combs back his hair. "Tomorrow you go straight to the hole," Tiller says. Sweeney cries a little bit.
Bank. Hauser tells Rebecca to get into the bank and help Sweeney escape. He buys her some time by arguing with the police about who has jurisdiction. Rebecca and Doc exposit for a while and come up with a plan to get her inside through a vent. She takes off her holster, explaining to a confused Doc, "If I go in carrying, he'll kill me." Come on, bring your gun. Meanwhile, Sweeney's inside, about to shoot Melissa for not knowing how to get him out of the bank. Rebecca knocks out a grate. Sweeney goes to investigate and finds Rebecca in a stairwell just off the main lobby. "Who are you?" he asks. "I'm Rebecca Madsen. I'm a detective with the SFPD. I'm unarmed." So he shoots her in the head and she dies. Or maybe he just asks, "You here to negotiate?" She says she's there to break him out. She shows him a duffel bag full of goodies to that end. He's suspicious, but it's not like he has a lot of options.
Hauser's outside, still arguing with the cops when they hear shots coming from inside. That ends the argument. SWAT moves in and tosses a smoke bomb through a window. The glass shatters with ridiculous ease. As smoke fills the air, they begin to usher the hostages outside. Among them is Rebecca. Once outside, she makes her way to an unattended police car. One of the SWAT guys breaks from the crowd to go with her. Hauser watches as they drive off together and realizes what's going on. He wants to chase after them in his SUV, but it's blocked in by an ambulance. Doc pulls up in Rebecca's car. "Get in, Mr. Hauser, sir!" Hauser gapes for a few seconds at this perfectly normal thing before finally getting inside.
In the pilfered police car, Sweeney pulls a gun on Rebecca. "I just broke you out of there," she reminds him. "Yeah, well, now you're my hostage," he says. Is there no honor among thieves? In Rebecca's car, Hauser is complaining about Doc's driving. Hauser needs a punch in the face and parts further south, as well. Sweeney realizes they're being followed and orders Rebecca to lose them. She turns on the lights and sirens and speeds away.
Flashback. It's the day after the party and Sweeney's waiting for the guards to take him to the hole. He grunts with pain as he tries to tie his shoes. For some reason, he has a bandage on outside his pants. In the cell to his, Harlan hears his struggle. At first he sounds all concerned and friendly, and then the facade starts to drop away. He talks about Sweeney's missing tin box and says it's the only thing from Sweeney's childhood that survived the fire that burned down his house and killed his family. Harlan takes the box from where he's been hiding it all along and slides it towards Sweeney's cell. Sweeney picks it up, as ecstatic as he is confused. Harlan: "Now, don't get me wrong. There's plenty from my childhood I'd like to forget, but I can't imagine not having anything! Not a single picture of a family outing or Christmas morning..." He goes on in that manner for a while, increasingly exposing his sadistic side. Then he chides Sweeney for showing his belly. Harlan plans to take over the operation while Sweeney's in the hole for the 30 days. Sweeney looks like he's going to burst into tears. Instead, he carefully places the box on the floor, stands up, and crushes it beneath his heel. Goodbye, emotions!
Present day, pilfered police car. "What'd you take from the bank?" Rebecca asks. Sweeney pulls out a little black bag. "What's in it?" Rebecca asks. "I have no idea," Sweeney says. All he knows is that he's not supposed to open it. He sounds confused, perhaps having just consciously thought of his orders for the first time. He tells Rebecca to pull over so he can let her out. He doesn't seem to have a grasp on the whole "hostage" thing. She doesn't pull over. She glances over, sees that he's not wearing a seatbelt. She speeds up. "You know what they didn't have in the 1950s? Seat belt laws!" She swerves, hitting a parked car. Sweeney bonks his head and passes out. There's nary an airbag in sight. Rebecca quickly cuffs him to the steering wheel and takes his little black bag.
Alcatraz. She joins Doc in the Hall of the Missing as he's adding Sweeney's mugshot to the "got him!" side of the gallery. She shows Doc the black bag. Inside is another key like the one Jack Sylvane stole. She pockets it just as Hauser walks into the room, demanding she hand it over. "We can do this the easy way or the hard way," he says. Ugh. "Only if you tell me what it's for," she says. He agrees and she hands the key over, forgetting the old playground rule: Never, ever take the first turn when someone offers to show you theirs if you show them yours. As soon as he has the key, Hauser walks off without revealing a damned thing. "Guess he trusts the scientists more than us," Doc says.
Hauser goes down to the hub beneath the hub. The sub-hub, if you will. It's staffed with youngish computer geeks, all male. Hauser places they keys into a scanner "molecular analysis." The metal content doesn't sound unusual. "The shafts look to be laser cut," says one of the geeks. "But laser cutting didn't exist when the prison was open." Hauser orders an examination of all the doors on the island so they can find out what the keys open. Why hadn't they done this already? Also, whoever is controlling the prisoners isn't doing such a hot job. You'd think they'd say something like, "Hey, I need you to steal this key for me, but be quiet about it and don't steal a bunch of other stuff or kill lots of people first!"
Flashback. Warden James leads Harlan into an especially dank part of the prison. Water drips from the walls. Spider webs hang from the ceiling. "You need a friend," James says. "Your recent palace coup as caught the eye of a certain subterranean visitant who desires to have a parley." They stop in front of a broad metal door. James uses both keys in tandem to open a panel on the door, then a smaller third key to open a final lock. He opens the door. "Your future just got a heck of a lot brighter, kid," he says. He pushes a frightened Harlan towards the unseen visitant. "Don't be shy!" Roll end credits.
Tippi Blevins disappeared from prison fifty years ago and then mysteriously reappeared to write about this show. Email her at b_tippi@yahoo.com, or find her on Twitter.
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