In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.
Preliminary stuff first: Lorelei is a full-on goddess, having super-strength as well as the power to bend any man to her will. Skye is recovering, and although she fights with Simmons about how much she needs to stay in bed, she also tells her how grateful she is. When Ward visits her, Skye berates herself for going in to confront Quinn alone and tells him she needs to up her training. Simmons is testing Skye's blood like it's going out of style, but she can't find any sign of the miracle drug that saved her. She wants to share the samples with Big S.H.I.E.L.D., but Coulson has absolutely forbidden it, and not having seen the drug's source she can't understand why. Finally, Coulson is still haunted by what he saw, and tries to get in touch with Fury. May tries to get him to open up, but he won't, at all, no way, no how. So!
The team gets orders from Big S.H.I.E.L.D. that Asgardian activity has been detected and is sending them to investigate. And if it weren't for last week's previouslies, you could be forgiven for thinking this is going to be another crap tie-in, but no – no sooner have they reached the desert than does Sif -- the Asgardian goddess of war, Thor's staunchest ally, and one of the best characters from the Thor films, in case you're unfamiliar -- descend from the heavens and tell our team that their world is in danger. After expressing her surprise that Coulson is alive, she asks our heroes to help her find Lorelei, who, she says, used her power over men to wreak havoc over the Nine Realms hundreds of years earlier. Since her voice is the key to her power, Sif wants to place a collar on her that will prevent her from speaking, which she wore for centuries until the invasion of the Dark Elves set her free. From reports of theft and other crimes, Sif and Coulson's team figure out where Lorelei is and confront her with new, more powerful versions of the night-night gun called icers, but while Sif fights her way through Lorelei's numerous male minions, Lorelei escapes – bending Ward to her will on the way. On top of that, the collar is damaged, so Coulson gives it to Fitz for repairs and asks Skye to figure out any resources Ward might tap to keep Lorelei safe.
Coulson tries to hit Sif up for information on blue aliens, but she offhandedly lists a litany of possibilities too numerous to be helpful, while Ward takes Lorelei to Vegas for some sexytimes before offering to take Sif out of the equation. They lure Coulson, May, and Sif off the plane, and when they return, Fitz, who's now under Lorelei's spell, traps Sif in the interrogation room and sucks her out of the airlock while Ward and Lorelei steal the plane and lock Simmons and Skye in the lab and Lorelei kicks May's ass. They don't bargain for the fact, however, that Coulson maybe seems to be immune to Lorelei's power; in any case, he frees Simmons and Skye and assures them that Sif has to still be out there – and indeed she is, hanging onto the plane with the collar still in her hand. Coulson tells them to get her back, and when Lorelei enters the interrogation room to retrieve Sif's sword, Sif has returned and locks the two of them in to fight, while May and Ward similarly go at it. Ward shoots at May and would have killed her if she hadn't surreptitiously stolen his clip, but when Sif wins her fight and get the collar back on Lorelei, the spell is broken.
In the end, Sif confesses the only reason she's bringing Lorelei back alive is that Odin ordered it, which is interesting, while Coulson confesses to Skye about their shared alien cure – but Skye isn't nearly as bothered as Coulson, although Coulson tells her from here on out it's him and her and no one else on a quest to find out the truth about the drug. And whatever was going on between Ward and May seems to be over – especially since Lorelei revealed that Ward wants someone on Earth and it isn't May – but there's more going on with May, because we revisit her listening to Coulson and Skye's conversation on a hidden mic, and she makes a call on an encrypted line to an unknown source: "Coulson knows." DUN!
Want more? The full recap starts right below!At a Rosie's Desert Oasis, that idiot Jimmy from last week's closing scene and Lorelei pull in. Despite having promised to protect her, the doofus apparently sees no problem in leaving her unattended in an open convertible (he has to "grab something," like good explanation and I thought that was your plan with her) surrounded by an entire biker gang. I mean, not that she needs his feeble "protection," but still. When Jimmy is gone, Lorelei inquisitively gets out of the car, whereupon a good-looking, scruffy alpha type we'll learn is named "Rooster" (the gang is called "Dogs Of Hell") saunters over and tells her she could have any man she wants, so why settle for "that little dude"? He has a point, and when Lorelei sees one of the hogs in action and learns that Rooster is the leader of all the men surrounding them, she reaches a hand forward and informs Rooster that he and his men now serve her. Jimmy then comes back and complains that Lorelei promised him they'd be together forever, but she corrects him: "I said we'd be together 'til the end. It is the end." With that, she back-chops him several yards so he hits and flips over the car, likely killing him, and even in his hypnotized state Rooster realizes this is a bit out of the ordinary, so he asks who she is. She tells him her name, but that's apparently all the explanation he requires, so when she smiles for him to introduce her to all her men, it doesn't seem like there's going to be any argument. And if there is, maybe he now knows to give her a little space? Title card.
The plane is on the ground outside what I'd imagine is a S.H.I.E.L.D. hangar, and, still in her medical box, Skye is conscious and starts to get out of bed when Simmons comes clucking at her like a mother hen. Apparently this is not the first time Simmons has caught the naughty patient trying to escape, which just goes to show that if you're going to do it, it's best to have a buddy like Marty from True Detective to assist you. Skye tries to point out how much better she's doing, but Simmons brushes off her protests before taking a blood sample. Skye offhandedly comments how many times she's done so before telling Simmons that despite any deficiencies in her bedside manner, she's grateful to her. "I hope you know that." Simmons tries to say she didn't do it alone, but Skye's like still though, and then a smiling Ward comes in to hear Skye attempt a British accent in telling him she's under house arrest. Simmons takes this as the act of aggression it surely is and leaves the room, whereupon Skye supposes she must look terrible and Ward tells her how great it is to see her better. She casts her eyes down as she recalls how stupid she was to face Quinn alone, but he points out the good in what she did, which was to alert all of S.H.I.E.L.D. that Peterson is still alive. He adds that Garrett is looking into Peterson along with the Deathlok program, prompting Skye to sadly recall that Peterson wouldn't even look at her. She thinks he needs help, but Ward reckons he doesn't deserve it given that he declined to protect Skye from Quinn. "He let this happen to you. And I'll never forgive that." Think Ward will have any reason to view people being controlled against their will with more sympathy by the end of the episode? Only one way to find out! Skye sensibly points out that whatever the case with Peterson may be, it would behoove her to be able to protect herself better, and Ward smiles that they'll ease her back into it, but Skye says no -- she wants to train harder. "time I don't want to depend on some miracle drug to save me." Good thinking, given that it's no longer -- and forgive me for this, nameless blue alien -- on tap.
In the lab, Simmons lets Fitz know that Skye's getting suspicious about the blood, and when Fitz is like, what do you expect when you've drawn enough to open your own bank, Simmons counters that even still, she hasn't made any headway finding traces of the drug in either her blood or Coulson's. Simmons, I'm all for thoroughness, but Skye's still recovering, as you yourself said. She can actually use the blood, I think. I suppose the point is that Skye's healing at "an exponential rate," so she's convinced there should be something irregular to detect. But she can't find it, and Coulson won't allow her to send the blood samples to HQ. I'm really not following her argument here. Obviously Fury knows about the drug and hasn't seen fit to tell the rest of S.H.I.E.L.D. Is she suggesting her team override that decision, letting it be known to everyone that they violated their clearance level to boot? I have no problem with her thinking the drug maybe should be widely available given the limited information she has, but Simmons, you're a scientist; have you thought the whole thing through?
Someone who is perhaps seeing the problem with widespread dissemination is Coulson, who flashes back to the disturbing images that have been on his mind recently before we see he's sitting in Lola in a parking garage. Another vehicle then comes rolling up and parks to him, and the device of two cars facing in opposite directions so the drivers can have a clandestine conversation is rendered slightly ridiculous by several factors, the biggest being that Coulson is in a convertible. The driver of the other car is Sitwell (you remember, he of the business end of Simmons' night-night gun) who pretty quickly gets down to business and tells Coulson that he doesn't know where Fury is. At Coulson's mildly surprised look, Sitwell tells him he's been making "a lot of noise" lately, but Fury will only be found when he wants to be found, and while that's horseshit, I suppose it's not worth dwelling on Samuel L. Jackson's availability for this show. Anyway, Sitwell has nothing of value to offer, and when he asks how Tahiti was, Coulson lets us know how broken the spell is: "It sucked." Bye, Sitwell. See you for The Winter Soldier, I'd reckon from this little reminder you exist.
May tells the team minus Coulson that they have new orders. Big S.H.I.E.L.D. is detecting massive energy readings over the California/Nevada border, and they're being sent to investigate. After Ward unhappily points out that this is two days straight that Coulson has been taking personal time, Simmons announces that the energy signature is consistent with the arrival of an Asgardian, and Fitz asks, "Thor?" I'm giving the show a break here, so I'll thank it not to insult my intelligence. Fitz thinks it'll be okay, since Asgardians are their allies, but Ward points out, "Loki wasn't." Poor taste to bring up the guy who literally broke Coulson's heart, Ward!
In the desert, May drives the lead vehicle of a convoy of S.H.I.E.L.D. cars, and from the back seat, Fitz reports that they're nearing the location. Ward then asks May if Coulson has talked to her about why he freaked out over the injection they gave Skye, and I have sympathy for May's "you're asking me this now" expression, but she replies that he's keeping it to himself. Fitz then reports a massive energy surge, and moments later, a familiar rainbow of energy hits the road directly ahead of them. The cars pull to a halt as the light dissipates to reveal Sif, and I like the character and her archetype, I've always enjoyed Jaimie Alexander right from her first appearance in a very early episode of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, and to be honest this is probably about as good a get from the Thor-verse as is reasonable to expect, so kudos to the show for finally delivering on an actual tie-in about which people can reasonably be excited. None of the team are familiar with Sif by sight, which seems ridiculous (it's not like there are that many more important Asgardians to keep track of, and Fitz and Simmons at least love homework) but Fitz runs facial-recognition software to determine that Sif is "a friendly," and the S.H.I.E.L.D. logo on the cars is enough for her to make a similar determination. She strides forward: "I am Lady Sif, of Asgard. Your world is in grave danger." Less so now that she's here!
From above, Coulson watches Sif enter the plane's body as he tells May she's a warrior and recounts how she climbed a giant metal killing machine (referring to the Destroyer back in Thor) and speared it with her double-bladed sword. "It was pretty badass." May asks if Coulson is up to the mission: "Whatever's bothering you, I'm here." Coulson tells her he knows, and the two of them head into the lab. But when Sif sees him, her hand goes to her sword as she asks what dark magic is responsible for this, as Thor told her he died at Loki's hand. Coulson explains that S.H.I.E.L.D. had a few tricks for the trickster, and Sif replies that Thor will be pleased, as he considers Coulson a friend, but Coulson asks if he can be the one to tell the god himself. I'm not sure if Coulson's request should be taken at face value or if he wants to continue to keep the Avengers in the dark about his return. If it's the latter, it's fairly risky for him to reveal himself to Sif, but I suppose he can count on her word as much as anyone's. Coulson changes the subject to the task at hand, and Sif explains that 600 years ago, Lorelei wreaked havoc across the Nine Realms -- she used her abilities to command armies and bring down kings and empires. Ward asks if her power is strength or speed, but Sif calls it "sorcery" (she can bend the wills of men to her purpose. May asks if it's only men she can control, and Sif confirms that women are immune) "men have an inherent weakness we do not share." May gives her a "you got that right, sister" look (I'd imagine she'd go up top if she thought Sif was familiar with the custom) and despite Fitz and Ward acting vaguely offended, Sif goes on that even the sound of Lorelei's voice is enough to ensnare most dudes, and for those few strong enough to resist that, her touch will overwhelm. Coulson asks how she can be stopped, so Sif produces an ornate gold collar she says has the power to prevent Lorelei from speaking, and yes, I would like to bulk-order a shipment, thanks! Sif goes on that Lorelei wore one like it for all these centuries until she escaped in the invasion of their prisons by the Dark Elves; she then used one of Loki's secret pathways to make her way to Earth. Sif concludes by informing them that the Bifrost sent her to Lorelei's last known location, and Coulson notes that there aren't a whole lot of towns out that way, so he instructs the team to look for unusual activity within a radius of a few hundred miles. "If this woman's used to ruling over empires, she's gonna be hard to please." I like the straightforward call and response; it's a welcome change from forced irony!
Because, we see, Lorelei is displeased, specifically about having been brought "paper" rather than gold. Rooster, however, explains the concept of money, and when Lorelei less heatedly wonders who "this ugly woman" on the bill is, he explains it's "Uh, Ben Franklin." Hee. I mean, it's cheap, but I can believe it's a question an alien would ask. Rooster explains that Ben Franklin "used to be President," and I don't know if he's displaying his ignorance or just simplifying for his audience, but when she asks if women can rule his land, he admits she'd be the first. Lorelei: "Yes. I will." Woman's got goals. Just then, an irate woman comes bursting in and asks "Dwayne," which is apparently Rooster's real name, why he hasn't responded to her texts, and as Lorelei amusingly models a tiara someone thoughtfully stole for her, Rooster explains he just turned off his cell, since the noise was bothering Lorelei. The woman realizes that Lorelei is wearing her clothes, and when Rooster admits that she's his wife, Lorelei asks a now-familiar question: "Do you prefer her to me?" Rooster is like, not even close, and believe it or not his wife takes exception to that and tells everyone to clear out of her bar. In response to her loud demands, Lorelei tells Rooster to take care of the noise, so Rooster chokes his wife while apologizing, "but you're makin' too much noise." We hear her fall to the ground, and it's not clear from what we see and hear if he actually killed her or just choked her into unconsciousness, but the point is probably that he would have killed her. Looks like the woman who got stranded last episode at the finest motel in Death Valley got off easy.
Coulson is starting to explain to Sif how to use the tabletop interface, but she easily starts in with it: "I'm familiar. It's an antiquated system we and other realms had ages ago." Hee. It's hilarious to see Coulson deflate upon realizing that S.H.I.E.L.D. isn't the gold standard of technology for the entire universe. He quickly recovers, though, to seize on the fact that Sif has been to other realms. Has she happened to come across any blue species? Not seeming fazed by the question, she tells him of course -- there are Interdites, Levians, Pheragots, Kree, Sarks, Centaurians -- and of course the Frost Giants, who tried to conquer Earth a millennium ago until the Asgardians drove them away. Coulson asks if any of the others have been to Earth recently, and this causes Sif to fix him with a look, but apparently she concludes that "Phillip, son of Coul" is just worried about the safety of his home planet and assures him that none of the others have ever made the trip. Sif then comes up with a couple robbery reports and gets concerned at how quickly her enemy appears to be amassing men and resources: "Lorelei is building an army." Looks like!
In the lab, Ward announces the location of Lorelei's new stronghold and says they're meeting a S.H.I.E.L.D. convoy there in ten minutes. Fitz, gesturing to the array of different-sized guns in front of him, says it'll be a chance to show off "these beauties" – they're basically the night-night gun 2.0, or "ICERs" as he calls them. He starts to say it stands for "Incapacitating Cartridge Emitting," but doesn't get further than that before Ward compliments him on how great they are, even adding with a back-slap that Fitz got rid of that pesky extra ounce he always hated. Fitz returns the back-slap (these two really can't stand and yet can't stop perpetrating them) and adds that they're three times as potent as their predecessors, as their run-in with the Centipede soldiers showed him they needed more power. Even anti-gun May figures one of these might come in handy: "When you're up against people who are being controlled, sometimes it's hard to distinguish friend from foe." That one will hit you with all the subtlety of, well, the new gun. Coulson and Sif then appear -- the latter gratuitously dropping down from above -- and we cut to the convoy approaching the bar. When the S.H.I.E.L.D. personnel disembark, they see some state troopers already on the scene, which Coulson approaches and asks if they've seen the suspect. The lead guy replies that he has, "and she's beautiful," before cocking his weapon and firing. Did I mention all the troopers are men? Another downside to lack of diversity in hiring.
The S.H.I.E.L.D. people take cover and start shooting it out with the troopers, and inside, Lorelei wonders what this fresh ruckus is, so Rooster explains that they've caught the attention of the law. Lorelei reminds him he swore to fight for her, and he says he'll stick to that but points out their enemies have a lot of firepower -- "they even got some Medieval Times chick -- she's got, like, a sword and everything." This is enough for Lorelei to breathe "Sif," and outside, the woman in question is deflecting bullets with her shield before, after Ward notes that they're a bit boxed in, Coulson asks "your Ladyship" if she might be able to provide them with some cover. With a nod, Sif cocks her leg and pushes a huge trailer forward with her foot, and with their improved position, the S.H.I.E.L.D. team is quickly able to incapacitate the people in front of them. Coulson calls for everyone to let Sif go in and take Lorelei, but he sends Ward around back when it seems like May would be the more prudent choice.
Inside, Sif enters, and after some threatening words on both sides, including Lorelei reminding Sif, "I've bested you before," Lorelei orders her minions to attack. None of them individually are the slightest match for Sif, of course, but the sheer number of them keeps her busy long enough that Lorelei has time to start backing away. Around back, Ward is able to handle a sneak attack from Rooster. But when he knocks him out, we see Lorelei observing from the roof, although this particular effect is cheap-shit as hell. They look like they're in such different frames I thought for a second she'd returned to Asgard. However, "she" drops down and starts talking, and although Ward is able to resist her voice, he does allow her to touch him without resistance. I suppose you could argue that his defenses were worn down by the voice already, but given that he had the presence of mind to call for backup you'd think he could actually have backed up. Regardless, we cut to the two of them on one of the (probably Rooster's) hogs as Lorelei kittens for him to take her "someplace grand," and he smiles that he knows exactly what will fit the bill. I'd make a joke, but it's actually where they go!
Cut to Sif punching the wall of the plane's interrogation room in frustration – it's not just that Lorelei got away, but that the collar was damaged, so unless they can kill her there's no way to break her enchantments. Coulson, however, takes the device and tells her to let him worry about that, "and try not to punch a hole in my airplane." I don't know, Coulson, damage to your plane seems to be the only reliable way to get Fury out of hiding.
Coulson is briefing the kids, and Skye asks if Ward is now "like a pod person." Coulson says no, he won't forget who he is or what he knows, but he also won't care because Lorelei will have become the embodiment of all his desires. He then asks Fitz if he might be able to repair the collar, and after Fitz bounds off to give it a try, Skye demands she be allowed to make herself useful. Coulson tells her Ward has "drop boxes and storage lockers" all over the world full of stuff like weapons and IDs and other resources he'll use to try to keep Lorelei off the radar. "You're the best radar we have. Find them." He marches out, but Simmons chases him to plead her idea about sending Skye's blood to HQ again, some more, and Coulson tells her no once more, but she barks at his back that that's unacceptable. He looks legit pissed now, and he doesn't even let her finish about her duty to try to save people before launching this counterattack: "Two men laid down their lives in a compound rigged with explosives to keep this drug hidden. We still don't know why. Until we do, until we speak with Fury and get some answers, that drug and its mysteries stay in-house." I mean, I'm sure the show wants us to see both sides here, but Simmons, I think you're out of your admittedly genius mind.
Ha, we cut to a shot of the "Eiffel Tower," but when we pan down we see it's not Paris but the Paris -- Ward and Lorelei are in Vegas. Their selection for lodging is actually Caesars Palace, and when Lorelei sees the large statues in the lobby, she gives Ward a "good choice" look that's pretty hilarious. As they walk through the casino, she gives credit where it's due by telling him she's fortunate to have found him. He, however, is in his right mind enough to reply that he knows she doesn't value him any more than she did the bikers, but he also doesn't care. She asks if that's because of what he feels, and he replies that he felt something once for someone on his team, but that seems foolish now. "I would die for you. Any man would." Any man has! Lorelei, however, tells him she only wants him, and she seems to mean it as far as she's able as she goes on that he's "a real man with the rage of a Berserker inside." Callback! She tells him that in exchange for presenting her with an army, she'll give him a gift and, from the ensuing montage of them christening the suite, not necessarily in that order?
Afterward, with both of them not extremely clothed, Lorelei, admiring the view, admits that when she arrived, she thought Earth "left much to be desired," but from her current position she thinks it's beautiful. Hey, it's Vegas! You'll be desperate to leave after three days, but it's great for now. Also, as she points out, the dark and cold cell in which she spent six centuries might be influencing her standard of comparison. As Ward comes over to hold her from behind, he tells her she won't have to go back, but she points out that Sif is after her and that she'll be relentless. Ward thinks in that case they need to eliminate the threat, bit Lorelei cautions him: "The graves of Asgard's enemies are littered with men who underestimated Sif." Despite her bravado face-to-face, I'm glad she takes Sif seriously; it makes me respect her intelligence. She adds that he doesn't know Sif, which he admits, but he counters that the people she's now working with? "I know them." Some better than others!
Speaking of, May comes into the interrogation room to find Sif sharpening her sword and asks if she might try it; Sif wordlessly hands the double-bladed weapon over and admires the practiced way May twirls it around. May admits she has experience with swords, although she prefers to use her hands, which Sif finds admirable but warns May that Lorelei is no slouch when it comes to combat. May wonders, then, why she bothers to have men fight for her, so Sif speculates that it gives her a thrill, "especially if the man is already taken." Plus, even a great warrior needs the help of an army to take an empire, so "she attaches herself to the strongest warrior she can find, and then unleashes a swath of blood and destruction." May grimly tells Sif that Ward is lethal and one of their best, and Sif nods in understanding before telling May she's been where she is -- "a man I cared for, under her spell. So enchanted, forsook his family, his friends…me. Steel yourself to do what might be necessary." May denies that Ward is hers in that way, but Sif tells her that whatever the case, he's not the man she knew. "He will not hesitate to kill you." May, however, smiles that Ward won't kill her, and when Sif starts to renew her warnings, May clarifies that he may well try to kill her, but he won't succeed. Sif smiles at the kindred spirit she's found, but then Coulson comes in and tells them they've picked their quarry up. Cut to Sif kicking in a door at Caesars -- that one's going to show up on a S.H.I.E.L.D. expense report, I'd bet. But even before the team finishes examining the room, it's pretty clear that Ward and Lorelei are long gone. Not gone, however, is the messy bed that's evidence of their assignation, and as May's eyes linger on it, Coulson reminds her she said her relations with Ward wouldn't be a problem, "but I also know you wouldn't tell me if it was," to which May replies by calling Fitz and telling him to track every camera in Vegas. Good talk!
When they get back, Fitz reports no sign of them on any cameras, and Coulson remarks that Ward knows to avoid them which makes it A LITTLE SUSPICIOUS THAT HE GOT SO CARELESS THAT ONE TIME, NO? Fitz does say that he fixed Lorelei's collar, and when Sif asks to inspect it just in case, he tells her it's in her room. Coulson then asks May where she'd go if she were in Ward's shoes, while in the interrogation room/guest quarters, Sif looks at the collar and tells Fitz he really is quite clever -- at which point he locks her in. Okay, it's a fine reveal, but since everyone's making such a big deal about the collar, wouldn't Fitz think to break it again now that he's under Lorelei's spell? It's a bothersome detail, and I don't know that the collar was necessary from a story perspective to trap Sif. I mean, I could forgive it if it were possible that Fitz forgot about it after he fixed it, but having him present it to Sif kind of reduces the credibility there. Sif stabs her sword through the mattress in frustration (not the way to get invited back, Sif) and then starts banging on the door, which makes a loud enough noise that Coulson and May hear it. May sighs in realization: "If I was Ward, I wouldn't run. I'd take out my main threat." The subjunctive? In the cockpit, Ward and Lorelei get the plane into the air, and Simmons and Skye are all WTF, but Simmons quickly finds that they're locked into Skye's medical box. Elsewhere, Coulson finds Fitz, who says he's standing guard so Sif won't get out and hurt Lorelei, so apparently he's assuming that as a man, Coulson is also under Lorelei's spell. I'm not sure when he thinks Lorelei got the chance to touch Coulson, but supposing Coulson should be affected, it's interesting to wonder why he isn't. Coulson plays along with Fitz's wide-eyed infatuation with Lorelei, who, speaking of, is just now accosting May, and I have to say it's refreshing that May's steel and can-do attitude are not enough to stop Lorelei from absolutely bashing her in the face and sending her flying across the room. And it's not that I'm not rooting for the S.H.I.E.L.D. team, but Lorelei's amused little smile is also fairly enjoyable. She's hot, super-strong, and in possession of tons of men at her beck and call. It'd be criminal if she weren't enjoying herself!
In the cockpit, Ward hits the controls to open the airlock atop the cage, and the collar almost gets sucked out, but Sif grabs it on its way up. However, she quickly ends up flying out herself. I guess it's just as well she left the sword, since two items to keep track of in her current situation would be positively unmanageable.
May slowly gets back to her feet as Ward enters the room and Lorelei says she's going to retrieve Sif's sword. In a satisfied voice, Ward tells May this was the plan: get rid of Sif, take over the plane, and eliminate anyone in their way. May tries to get through to him, prompting Lorelei to ask if this is "the beautiful warrior with a heart of ice," and May looks a little thrown to hear herself thus described, although the kiss Lorelei subsequently plants on Ward surely doesn't help. Lorelei then announces that Ward's heart is one with hers now, and when May tries to save some face by saying there's no need to make it about them, Lorelei, with feigned sympathy, replies that he told her who he desired before she came along. "But, my dear, it wasn't you." That's a fairly sick burn, I must admit, and Lorelei doesn't bother adding any more physical injury to the insult; instead, she saunters off to let Ward deal with May. He levels his gun at her, but I have to think even under Lorelei's spell he's got more professional pride than that.
Coulson sneaks into the med-cube, and Simmons tries to bonk him on the head with a fire extinguisher, but he wards her off and agitatedly tells her he's in his right mind. Again, is no one going to ask why? Doesn't that seem potentially significant? Anyway, Coulson gets the bad news that Sif was sucked out of the aircraft, but he's like, this is an Asgardian goddess we're dealing with and you can bet she found a way to hang on. He then tells Skye to unlock the airlock again while he shepherds Simmons away, and when we cut to the top of the plane, sure enough, Sif is managing to hold on not just to the plane but to the collar as well. Down below, Fitz gets no love from Lorelei as she passes, but her face does display both pleasure and wonder when she regards Sif's sword. She pulls it out of the bed and smiles. Then Sif closes the door, behind which she'd been hiding. Apparently Skye succeeded in getting the airlock open. Lorelei brandishes the sword and tells Sif to return to Asgard, but Sif is like, good one! As Fitz realizes he's lost control of the computer system, Lorelei pleads her case by saying that on Earth she won't pose a threat to Asgard, but Sif sternly replies that she has orders to bring her back, prompting Lorelei to scornfully say that Sif is still following other people, "never to get what you desire." She goes on that Thor considers her more a pet than a woman, and those, you might expect, are fighting words. After a brief melee (and I'm amused to see Lorelei is still wearing a biker shirt) they each find themselves with half the sword, while Simmons runs into Fitz, prompting him to cry out, distracting Ward long enough that May can knock the gun out of his hand. From here, there's some quick inter-cutting: The fight between Sif and Lorelei is marred by crappy effects work and the tight space; the Ward/May fight is much better choreographed; Simmons lures Fitz near the lab, whereupon Coulson decks him and Simmons sympathetically notes, "He's always getting knocked out, isn't he?" Heh. May and Ward are really kicking each other's ass, even flying in tandem through the plate-glass window in the middle of the room, but Ward eventually gets the drop on May as Sif stands triumphantly over Lorelei. Lorelei tells Sif to kill her, as she'd rather that than go back to "that place," but Sif, with a trace of amusement, says she won't get off that easy. Lorelei tries to say it's what Sif wants, and starts to talk about how the man Sif loved followed her around like a dog. But Sif snaps the collar onto her neck, which expands into what looks like the lower half of a hockey mask and cuts Lorelei's speech off immediately, whereupon Sif dryly asks, "You were saying?" I would also have accepted a joke about getting the last word, but hers is funnier.
Ward tells May he's sorry…and then pulls the trigger. However, it turns out May took Sif's warning to heart. Somehow during the fight, she removed the gun's clip. Ward then grabs his head for a moment and then drops his gun to the floor, and Sif marches Lorelei in and Ward assures May he's back to normal, which doesn't stop her from clocking him in the face. I doubt even Ward can begrudge her that after he seriously just tried to splatter her brains all over the floor.
Later, with Lorelei now shackled as well as masked, Sif apologizes to Coulson and May to the damage to their "flying boat," but May assures her it's seen worse. Sif promises that Lorelei will be severely punished, and Coulson echoes Lorelei herself in guessing that it must have been hard for Sif not to kill her. Sif explains that Odin ordered her back alive, and as one of his warriors, "much like your S.H.I.E.L.D., we are bound by our code." Of course, Odin at this point is actually Loki, to the best of our knowledge, so make of that what you will. She tells them it was an honor before marching Lorelei away, whereupon May says she'll run diagnostics on the plane, but Coulson stops her to ask how she's holding up, brushing aside her flippant reply to say she should talk to Ward. May, however, replies that Coulson might want to take a measure of his own advice. He's been keeping a secret since the Guest House, and if he won't tell her about it, he should at least let Skye in on why he flipped out about the drug that's now in both of them. Aw, May, so nice of you to help people with their feelings with no ulterior motive in sight!
In the cockpit, Ward is waiting for May, and he tries to apologize for hurting her, but she replies that that was never a risk with her. She then gets good use out of that "heart of ice" description by being like "and you're still here because," and Ward reluctantly gets up to go, but she does note that if Lorelei was telling the truth, "you were more honest with her than you are with yourself." I'm pretty sure I know who she's talking about, but I refuse to deal with it until I absolutely have to, and possibly not even then. Coulson comes in to see the kids, and after Fitz and his shiner say they forgive Coulson, he asks for a moment with Skye. When Fitz and Simmons are gone, Coulson, after hemming and hawing his way through a preamble, tells Skye about the alien, and Skye is shocked. But she points out that he saved her life, and she'd actually rather be alive and dealing with whatever's inside her than, you know, dead. Coulson, mad that she isn't mad, barks that they're "completely in the dark on this," but she evenly counters that the dark is where they live. She's an 0-8-4, in case he's forgotten. "At least we're in the dark together." Coulson's anger ebbs as he agrees that that's true, but he vows that no matter how many protocols he has to break, the two of them (just them, mind, not the rest of the team, for their own protection) are going after some answers. Skye nods and asks "AC" who they chase first, so he gestures to the spot she got shot and tells her it'll be the person responsible. "And we make him pay." I guess he's talking about the Clairvoyant, but we'll find out…well, not this month, according to the schedule, but soon enough, I guess.
Hmm, here's Coulson telling Skye the same thing he did last scene – only this time, we see that the room is bugged, and MAY is listening in. She makes a call on an encrypted line and logs the following: "He knows. I repeat: Coulson knows." Personally, I am sure she's acting in the interests of protecting Coulson, but from what is the question we'll have to wait until April to be answered. See you then!
John Ramos is a writer and film producer living in Los Angeles. His new film, a documentary on online privacy and the exploitation of personal data called Terms And Conditions May Apply, a New York Times Critics' Pick, is now on iTunes here. You can get news on it from the film's Twitter accountor website, or check out trackoff.us to learn how to protect your privacy. Also, you can email John at couchbaron@gmail.com, follow him on Twitter at https://twitter.com/couchbaron, or check out his blog, "Pull Up A Chair," which he'd just love for you to stop by.