Episode Report Card Al Lowe: A | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT A Two-Headed Beast
By Al Lowe | Season 3 | Episode 5 | Aired on 07.08.2006
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.Alma is quite full of herself over the initial success of her bank. Uh, she's also full of dope, at least enough to take a considerable edge off. Trixie's on to her.
Adams begins his middle-man duty between Al and Hearst, but the current concern on everybody's mind is Dan's beef with Captain Turner. Al wants Dan to be cool about it, and not strike against Turner, but of course, that's impossible. The conflict nags at Al so badly he has to not only return for counsel to his old friend Chief Head in the Box, but E.B. as well. He gets no real help from either of them and reluctantly gives Dan the go ahead for the Dority/Turner cage match. PEOPLE, they go at it and THERE IS EYE GOUGING. SERIOUSLY, DAN PULLS OUT TURNER'S EFFING EYEBALL. Okay...okay...I am still not over it. Dan finishes the sea creature off, victorious.
Steve cleans up and acts right for about three minutes, long enough to sign off on all the livery bullshit in synchronization with Hostetler. He demands as part of the deal that Hostetler return the chalkboard he signed as protection against the future, and the whole thing goes impossibly sour. Hostetler can't stand it any longer and kills himself. Dammit. I renew my sworn duty to kill Steve.
Alma steels herself with the juice to make some moves on Ellsworth. He is freaked out by it, but gives it a shot, though when he realizes she's not sober, pushes her away.
Hearst gets drunk to assuage his Turner pain. Bullock chooses this moment to get real mad about the recent Cornish deaths, and arrests him. He marches him through the thoroughfare, holding him by the ear. Things are about to get interesting. Want more? The full recap starts right below!
Con Stapleton is in the Bella Union bathhouse...well, he's...sigh. You know, I'd rather see Al suffering with gleets the size of Volkswagen Beetles than open an episode of Deadwood with Con Stapleton mashing and manhandling the corpulent bosom of...some big, naked lady. I presume this is a Bella Union prostitute, though she looks almost exactly like Claudia who, we found out in the last episode, lowered her expectations of life enough to get it on with Con.Cy comes in during some truly embarrassing boob strangling -- he's considering, he says, making Con his go-between in the upcoming Hearst dealings. "I'd need to know my man had discipline," he says, visibly nauseated, "and appetites in fuckin' harness and the like." Con regrets that he must decline. "Yesterday, I occasioned to fuck a woman after a considerable period of abstention," he explains, with shame. "And that seems now to have throwed me unawares, uh, into a fuckin' spasm of sex interest, which I fuckin' pray will be brief." Cy goes pale under the three inches of Cornsilk on his face. "Well," he says, grossed out, "I believe I'll defer enlisting you in this other aspect." Best Cy dialogue yet this season. Con agrees that this is a prudent decision and Cy beats a hasty, disgusted retreat while Con goes back to his...jug juggling. Aw, hell. I had to.
Speaking of go-betweens, Adams is doing his duty for Al right now over in Hearst's rooms. Titus Welliver (I LOVE YOU) was born to be in Westerns. He looks great in the beard, the clothes, the posture, the strong-silent thing...the guy just rules. Early on, I thought this character was a bit superfluous. I mean, why add to the perfect mixture that is W. Earl Brown and Sean Bridgers, Dan and Johnny, when the two of them are so fantastic? It's gilding the lily. But clearly, it was a good move. Adams possesses a patient sophistication the others do not and in this scene tries to use it to flim-flam Hearst, albeit to limited effect. Hearst notes that Cy and Al seem to have some ugly history between them and Adams shrugs, saying he wouldn't know. "That feels to me less than a full verity," Hearst says. Adams gives him a tired look. "I don't know what that means, Mr. Hearst," he says, flatly. Hearst explains that he doesn't believe that Adams isn't fully aware of Al's relationship with Cy. "Yeah," Adams admits, "I guess so" and asks if Hearst is looking for him to declare his loyalty to him, and dump Al, because, if so, that would be an even bigger lie. "So, I'll have to win you away," Hearst smarms. "I guess so," Adams answers. All this dancing is too much for Captain Turner, who finally has to interrupt with his own agenda. "Go tell your friend I know he's afraid of me," he says, leaning over Adams, who remains cool. "Dority?" he dryly confirms. "Big guy?" Captain Turner scoffs. "I guess he looks big to you," he says. Adams, bored, turns back to Hearst. "Is that what you brought me here for?" he asks. "You want me to take that back to Dority?" Hearst: "I guess so."