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Faith, infidelity and freaks are where it's at this episode. Silver finds some of the latter after Teddy tests her beyond reason, IMO. Silver begins the episode doing penance for her little spy game last week. Teddy gives her another chance but seizes the opportunity to push her buttons when a girl from his past shows up for a wild night. Silver wonders why he would work so hard to get her and then throw it away over a mistake (that it's only by luck on his part he didn't make first, I might mention). Teddy realizes it was actually himself he was testing, because he fears he will end up like his philandering actor father. Silver trusts that he won't, and they decide to make a go of it. For real this time.
Speaking of philandering fathers, Liam sees his stepdad steppin' out on his mom. He confronts the old letch in front of his mother, and it barely makes a dent. He decamps to Naomi's house, and they seem pretty comfortable in their domestic bliss for the mo'. But it won't last long as Naomi has started the wheels spinning on what is perhaps the stupidest story arc in show history -- and there are many to choose from. Basically she's a massive hag to the new Blaze adviser. Having none of it, he shows her the door. As Naomi is both A.) unused to being told 'no' and B.) very accustomed to scheming, she fibs that he sexually harassed her. She manages to stage a union rally (I know, don't get me started) that achieves her reinstatement and renders her earlier lie unnecessary, but it's too late. The lie has gotten traction, and the only way she's going to wriggle out of it is to tell the truth or ruin a man's life. I wouldn't put it past her to choose the latter.
Dixon's bio-mom Dana is still in town. March Madness, and the online gambling winnings it's providing, are bringing them closer together. Debbie continues feeling threatened by their rekindled bond and under-appreciated by oblivious Harry. Things hit a bump when Dana reminds Dixon that she is a real person with a real job and has to go home. But what would seem to benefit Debbie actually bites her in the ass because Dixon ditches Dana on their last mother-son bonding outing, and Dana catches a glimpse of Debbie having her own boning... er... I mean bonding outing with her sexy yoga instructor. When SexYoga guy misreads Debbie's signals (or does he?) and leans in for a kiss, Dana gets an eyeful. Debbie tries to explain later that she didn't reciprocate, but there's a time bomb a-tickin' in there somewhere. And yet another with the huge wad of bills Dana leaves Dixon with, which will inevitably plunge him into the unseemly world of online gambling, knowing that dummy.
And how could I dare talk about ticking time bombs without mentioning Jasper? It seems his clock is finally hitting zero (fingers crossed!). Annie shakes him off her leg for the last time. But where does he fall? We'll have to wait for week on that one, because the last shot shows Jasper very literally staring into the abyss after telling Annie that life without her isn't worth living. Oh, how I wish the show would give me the chance to come to that conclusion!
And, saving the vest for last, let's talk about RuWill. AAdrianna has a mini-freakout after the flame-haired lesbian's eleventh-hour confession last week and spends a little while avoiding her until she realizes she has no real friends. RuWill's attempt to put the crush behind them only serves to pique AAdrianna's interest. Titillated by Clark Gable's lady face and her innocent hands-touching-in-the-popcorn during one of their movie dates, AAdrianna decides she may just be up for a little lady lovin'. With the support of Naomi and Silver, who are honestly probably just urging her because they're bored, she plants one somewhere north of the infamous chin. It's not an unpleasant sensation, so the girls decide to start dating. Reader, Gaydrianna; Gaydrianna, readers. You've been formally introduced.
Discuss this episode in our forums, then see the question that will Never Be Answered!
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Previously: Silver + Teddy = not meant to be. Dixon + bio-mom = major tension. Debbie + yoga instructor = sexy times? Jasper + motor vehicles = grand theft auto. AAdrianna + RuWill = a layover in Gayville.
It's morning at West Bev, and Naomi and Liam are going at it like animals, forcing everyone to lose their breakfasts and one unfortunate to lose his parking spot temporarily. Elsewhere, Jasper is trying to convince Annie that larceny = love. She tells him to leave her alone already. Silver and Naomi skitter late into the Blaze meeting as Navid introduces their new faculty advisor, Mr. Cannon -- guess they gotta even out the numbers since Matthews and Kelly are MIA, and Harry will be leaving soon. Like every other journalist who's not digging himself into an early grave on the freelance circuit, Mr. Cannon has resigned himself to the sad reality that he needs a "real" job to pay the bills, so here he is bullshitting (albeit with a sexy accent) about digging deeper and telling the truth. Naomi jumps in to bitch that Navid edited all the "hard hitting" blind items out of her segments. Navid and Cannon agree that the grapevine and Gretchen Wieners' burn book are not credible sources (P.S. I know it was Regina's, I just wanted to type the word Wieners, teehee). Naomi won't shut up, despite Silver's urging, so Cannon offers to critique it with his "very high standards." Naomi brats that his standards can't be that high, or he wouldn't be working this shitty gig. Fair point. I mean, consider the company (Matthews!). So much for first impressions! Cannon shuts her down faster than a rural titty bar at 2 a.m.
Later, out in the hall, Naomi compares Cannon to Big Brother, saying it's like 1984 all over again. AAdrianna makes a crack that she looks awful in shoulder pads and a perm. Naomi wants Silver to wallow with her, but Silver's distracted when she sees Teddy. She walks up and asks if he wants to have lunch. He blows her off, and she worries that he's still mad at her for spying. Naomi tells her to be direct with him so she doesn't have to freak out every time he doesn't respond how she wants. She asks AAdrianna to back her up, but AAdrianna, too, has been distracted. This time by RuWill. She makes an excuse to get rid of Silver and Naomi so she can run the other way. Not ready to dip her toes in the warm waters surrounding the Isle of Lesbos yet, I see.
After school, Annie runs out to the courtyard just in time to miss the bus. Liam pulls up and offers her a ride.
Over at the Nueva Casa, Dixon and his bio-mom Dana have gotten home before she does. They're bonding over sports again and bail on Debbie's famous mac and cheese to go out to watch March Madness at a restaurant. Dana promises to have Dixon home in a timely manner. Dixon breezes out, barely even saying goodbye to Debbie. Harry enters the room as they leave and obliviously notes that Dixon and Dana seem to be getting along well. Debbie sharply agrees that they are.
Meanwhile, Liam tries to apologize for being a coward re: the whole Jen debacle from last Spring. Annie says she'd rather talk about anything else than that. Liam randomly designates ferrets as the topic of choice, which Annie laughs at. She keeps laughing at she looks at an older guy and a lady going at it (not unlike Liam and Naomi that morning) in the alcove of a hotel. As they part, Liam is no longer laughing. It's his stepfather -- and not his mother. Cue the awkward silence. Then credits.
Back at West Bev, Cannon calls Naomi in for a little after school conference and demands an apology for being "insulting and belligerent." He doesn't seem to realize that that's her baseline. He'll find out soon enough, though, because he kicks her off the Blaze for refusing to show remorse. She gives a BS "I'm sorry for whatever it is" he thinks she did wrong. When he doesn't get down on his knees to thank her for such a genuine apology, she gets serious. She begs him to give her another chance, saying journalism is something she's passionate about, good at (debatable), and might want to pursue as a career. Try soap operas, honey. She really lays it on thick then, whining that she'll do anything as she inches toward him. He totally misconstrues this and thinks she's putting an indecent proposal out there. Oh, Cannon, if she were, you would know. Naomi is too befuddled by his sanctimonious dickitude (it's the new dreckitude!) to defend herself, so he tells her not to let the door hit her on the way out.
Out in the hall, Navid and his new girlfriend-slash-lackey Lila are having their "first argument," though it's really more of a geektacular new media debate. Navid cuts short the debate because he's more impressed that she even knows what he's talking about than he is in opposition to her opinion. They share a sweet kiss, made bitter when they realize AAdrianna has a front-row seat. Navid tells Lackey Lila to have a good band practice. LL tries to clear the air with AAdrianna about the weirdness of her and Navid. AAdrianna half-heartedly says "it's rock and roll" and brushes it off. And so begins the building agony that will send her to seek shelter in the arms of RuWill.
Meanwhile, Dixon and Dana are cheering for the game. He brags that he's been on a roll with his picks for the tournament and tells her to put money on Villanova for tomorrow's game. Dana says he's been her good luck charm in online gambling and offers to split her winnings with him. He lets her in that he's gambling, too. And not even hedging, the fool. He offers to buy her tickets to the Lakers game that Saturday, but she says she has to be home in Phoenix by Sunday to go back to work. She invites him out the day to watch Villanova win instead. Disappointment lays its seeds in Dixon's gut even as I type.
Beach club. Silver has been waiting for Teddy and intercepts him on the way in from a tennis game. She gets straight to the point, asking him if he can get over her "jealous, paranoid freakiness." He says he wants to be with someone he can trust. She admits her mistake and asks for another chance. He says he will.
Liam's house. Sonny boy greets his salacious stepdad with a sucker punch. His mom comes out to break it up, and Liam makes no bones about calling Daddy Leerest out on his little afternoon delight. She stomps into the house. He follows, claiming he can explain. It'll probably go something like this: "Well... you see... I tripped. Yeah, tripped. On my expensive loafers and the damn cuffs on these thousand-dollar pants. Damn things, gotta get 'em hemmed... So anyway I tripped, and there was this lady there..." Save it, bucko. You're one step away from Cheaters.
West Bev. RuWill works up the nerve to catch AAdrianna as she drives up. AAdrianna fibs that she's been distant from RuWill because she's been really busy with her band. RuWill sees through the flimsy lie and asks if AAdrianna can just forget the whole "I wanna lesbian kiss you" thing and be friends again. AAdrianna goes along with it, and they catch up on all the gossip they've missed in the past few days.
Elsewhere, Naomi is plotting her revenge on Cannon. She claims he was unfairly picking on her, "the weakest of the herd." Silver can't be bothered to play along because Naomi was being pretty assy. They find RuWill and AAdrianna at a table, and Naomi commands RuWill to back her up that Cannon was being a jerk. RuWill will do no such thing. Sensing that she's alone in her crusade against Cannon, she falls back to the Old Naomi ways. She accuses Cannon of demanding she sleep with him to get back on the Blaze. The girls rally around her in the face of this indictment. Oh lawd, this is going to end badly.
Liam's house. He's packing up his stuff in anticipation of moving out with his mom. Except stepdad has talked her out of it. Feeling betrayed, Liam has nothing to say to her.
AAdrianna and RuWill are watching an old movie at AAdrianna's house and mooning over the romance. They have an awkward hands-touching-in-the-popcorn moment. RuWill turns her attention back to the movie. AAdrianna's interest is piqued, it seems, and she can't help but steal a glance at her lady-lovin' friend.
Beach club. Silver amuses Teddy with tales of her day as a dodge ball MVP. Teddy is actually enjoying himself and asks her if she can stay for dessert. She says she can't because she has to get back to the Blaze. One of Teddy's former tricks walks up, and Silver works her ass off to be cool about it. Then the trick invites them both to a Tarantino movie. Teddy delights in telling her that Silver is busy, but he'll come -- unless Silver has a problem with it. Silver refuses to indulge his dickery and acts totally low-key about it, even giving a zany cheerleader face as she tells them to have fun. But that act drops within three paces of her leaving Teddy alone with this little hotty totty.
Clarkette compound. Naomi is calling an "emergency meeting" at the Blaze when Liam rolls up, duffle on his shoulder. He gives her a big hug, bracing himself on her, before telling her what's gone down with his mom and stepdad. Naomi relates because of her dad's many indiscretions. He asks if he can stay with her for a while. Of course he can.
West Bev, morning. Annie sees Liam in the hall and asks how things went with his stepdad. Liam gives her a quick "Not well" before Jasper interrupts them because he has something "really important" to talk to Annie about. Annie doubts it and storms off without giving him a second of her time. Liam watches as Jasper is left in the dust, whimpering a pathetic "I love you." The pathetic quickly evolves to rage as he slams his fist into a wall and startles an innocent bystander.
Casa Nueva. Dana leaves a voice mail for Dixon asking if she misunderstood that they were meeting at the house. She says she'll meet him at the restaurant.
Silver's. Homegirl is bitchin' a blue streak about Teddy and the trick. She knows he's testing her, and she refuses to play into it. AAdrianna brings in flyers for her first gig with The Glorious Steinems. Naomi wonders whether a Steinem is "that thing you get in your eye" or a beer mug. Is anyone surprised she's not well-versed in feminist culture? [Hell, I was surprised she could reference Orwell. - Zach] AAdrianna not knowing is slightly more surprising. Silver does and sees that they are a lost cause. AAdrianna decides now's as good a time as any to broach the "Should I or shouldn't I" question with RuWill. She says something clicked with her during the movie the night before, and she isn't sure whether she's just on the rebound or might be having legit feelings. Naomi suggests a little romp into Lesbiana might be "just the thing to get back The Persian Stallion," but Silver is genuinely supportive of fluidity and exploration. Either way, it's looking like all systems go for space ship Gaydrianna.
Over at the restaurant, Dana checks her phone as Dixon is still nowhere to be found. Elsewhere, Debbie has tea with her SexYoga instructor at another restaurant. He is flirting like it's going out of style while also offering a shoulder to lean on re: Dana. Turns out Debbie's tea time is right across the street from March Madness, so Dana sees Debbie and SexYoga guy leaning in toward each other and naturally assumes the worst. Which, I suppose would be natural to assume, when Debbie tells SexYoga guy that he gives her something she's not getting at home, and he leans in to kiss her. Debbie lets his lips linger long enough for Dana to drive off. She eventually thinks better and flees the scene muttering about being married. But the damage is done.
Silver calls Teddy to check in, since she didn't see him all day. He obnoxiously brags about how bombed he got last night with Tara, saying he and the trick blew off the movie, and he woke up not knowing how he got where he was. Silver continues to play it cool, but it's bunk. I mean, she doesn't need to fly off the handle and accuse him of cheating, but it's not exactly appropriate behavior for a night out with an ex that Silver doesn't know from Eve. In short, Teddy is loving it. Prick. They hang up, and Silver feels like a moron.
Casa Nueva. Dana finds Dixon playing video games and asks about their plans. He unconvincingly says he forgot, so she asks if he's mad she's leaving. He says pointedly that he's getting used to it. She affirms that she wants to be a part of his life. He's had about 24 hours to brood, though, and he lays into her. He says she's never tried to be part of his life before, and he even had to contact her to get her in town this time, so why should he believe her? She says she wanted the best for him and didn't want to disrupt his life. He admits he perceived that as her moving on. She promises to be around as much as he wants. They lean their heads in together for these last few moments before she leaves.
West Bev. Naomi has clearly been studying Norma Rae and the Communist Manifesto before convening this meeting. She commands the masses to get together in opposition to the tyranny of Cannon. The cutaway shots of the guys fervently nodding their heads and the girl giving her the "Bitch, please," are pretty stellar. Navid arrives as Naomi reaches her OTT climax, demanding that she be reinstated "and that Cannon be sent back to that Godforsaken nerd's nest" (Columbia). Navid's eyes bug out something spectacular as he asks what's going on. Naomi updates him on her little farce of a writer's strike and starts full-on yelling, "UNION! UNION!" The Blazers are rendered speechless. Navid is, frankly, more concerned with getting his weekly edition out than getting stuck in the tempest in Naomi's teapot, so he offers to speak to Cannon for her. Naomi slams down her pool cue: "Fine. I will see you at 1300 hours tomorrow... I believe that's lunch period." Awesome.
Casa Nueva. Debbie is doing some repentant baking as Dana readies herself to set off from Arizona. Instead of letting downward dogs lie, Dana confronts Debbie about what she saw at the tea party. Debbie says the whole thing was a mistake, and she plans to tell Harry about it when he comes home. Dana advises her against it, saying she's sensed tension between Harry and Debbie. Debbie tells her to mind her own beeswax. Dana counters that it kind of is since she gave birth to one of Debbie's kids. She judgmentally tells Debbie, "You have a great family. Don't risk it." Oh shut it, Lithium Linda.
AAdrianna's. RuWill shows up with more movies and finds AAdrianna reading Sexual Behavior & the Human Female. AAdrianna admits she's confused about sexuality -- in general and in particular. They discuss their feelings on sexuality, and RuWill asks AAdrianna why she's suddenly so (bi)curious. RuWill proposes they approach this from a scientific perspective... and experiment! RuWill leans in for a kiss. It's a prolonged peck, from which AAdrianna somehow deduces that RuWill is a good kisser. I'm beginning to think she's been watching too many old movies because a few seconds of lip-to-lip contact isn't exactly kissing in the intimate partners sense. Sobriety has really made that girl boring, is what I'm saying. She'll figure it out soon enough, though, because she wants to try it out some more. Honestly, this is a little traumatic for me. Not because of "the gays," but because now I'm obsessing over RuWill's lips. They're shockingly thin. And with that jaw? All wrong. Why must you do this to me, show? Thinking about Rumer Willis's slit lips is not how I want to spend my Tuesday night. But I digress... The girls decide to go out on their first date and seal it with a kiss. step, cohabitation!
Some time later, the new girlfriends have made it to school, and The Glorious Steinems are performing a little feminist ditty. RuWill and Navid both admire their lady friends.
Outside, Teddy lifts weights (to a bunch of rose bushes? What is this school?!). Silver approaches Teddy to get some things straight. She admits she's jealous, and he gives her an assy "I told you so" -- of his own creation. Hrmph. She starts to walk off, then turns back. She asks why he made such a big play for her, only to drop her the minute she made a mistake. He says he doesn't know but fears that maybe she's right and he can't reform his playa ways. Like Liam's stepdad and Naomi's dad before him, Teddy's dad is four-times married and a notorious cheater. Teddy worries he's following in Pops' footsteps. Silver tells him he's not his dad. Teddy says he can't know for sure, because he's never cared about a girl enough to stay faithful. Now Silver's in the picture, and he's terrified of (quite literally) screwing it up. She tells him she trusts him. He leans in for a kiss, then picks her up jubilantly. This is some Sixteen Candles shit, and I'm lapping it up. At least it distracted me from RuWill's lips for a min-- ah, damn it!
Casa Nueva. Dixon says farewell to Dana, and they laugh about how neither of them is "good at this emotional stuff." They make plans for a weekly phone call and occasional Skype game dates. She hands him the winnings from the Villanova game, plus a little extra for all the years she missed. They hug goodbye. Dixon closes the door and opens the envelope to find a thick wad of cash.
Clarkette compound, poolside. Naomi tells Liam where she put all his clothes, chirping that she loves playing house with him. They start dry humping and are rudely interrupted by Silver and AAdrianna. They've come to talk to her about Cannon. Naomi is placated because her "little lie" got her back on the Blaze, but Naomi and AAdrianna want her to push the issue. She tries to make them drop it, but Liam asks what they're talking about. Silver fills him in, and he jumps on the bandwagon. Naomi's hair practically curls as she wonders how she's going to get herself out of this one. And, no silly readers, telling the truth is not an option.
Casa Nueva. Annie leaves Liam a voice mail to check on things with his dad. She gets an immediate call back. Unfortunately it's Jasper. He's called to tell her goodbye. He starts crying, saying there's no point in living if he can't be with her. He hangs up before she can respond. And three... two... one... blackout.
week: Ivy and Dixon? Ploy or play pals? I couldn't care less. Glad they're really packing the end of the season with powerful, plot-hurtling episodes and not the television equivalent of packing peanuts. Oh, wait...
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