Episode Report Card Lady Lola: C | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Whores & Phony Show
By Lady Lola | Season 2 | Episode 11 | Aired on 12.01.2009
Naomi she wants to set her up with the mini-mister. Naomi laughs it off, but I'm pretty sure Jen is not kidding. Though I guess anything is a step up from Captain Crunch, the Stinky Eco Tutor.Up in the VIP box, Naomi plops an entire fucking lobster on her plate -- I am not making this up -- before heading over to check up on Silver, who may or may not be cater-waitressing by the looks of her outfit. Silver insists she's fine, and their chat is disrupted by a waiter bringing Naomi an Hermès scarf from a "secret admirer." Naomi gladly accepts and tries to dig up information about this secret admirer, but the waiter remains tight-lipped.
Over at La Casa Nueva, Debbie brings up Annie's laundry, only to discover that her scheming little hussy of a daughter has left the book she was supposed to be studying at home.
Back at the races, Naomi spots Ivy, Dixon, and Teddy piling into the plebes section across the wall from her private box. She denigrates Ivy's plaid dress-shirt extravaganza, and Ivy in turn calls Naomi a tranny. Ivy, 1; Naomi, 0. The waitress makes a beeline for Teddy and walks off without blinking an eye at the others. Dixon says that it's a good thing that Teddy is a player who doesn't get tied down because girls are nothing but trouble. Ivy says guys are worst. Teddy says they're both right, that relationships are trouble. Of course, while he says this, he's gazing wistfully at Silver.
Across the boundary between Average Joe and VIP, Naomi receives another gift -- a Tiffany horseshoe necklace. To her relief, the waiter confirms that the secret admirer isn't a practical midget. He promises the admirer will introduce himself eventually.
Over at the beach, Annie and Kris Jr. dry hump in his convertible. Seriously? Eyeballs! There are people who don't want their souls scarred by that sight.
Races. Ivy tries to order a whiskey and gets shut down. She sits down with the guys, where they have a conversation about Liam deleting his evidence against Jen. Ivy assures him that he's with a tech guy who can save anything. Liam arrives, smiling, and tells them they're ready to go. They high five and yowl a bit, when the camera cuts to the adjacent couch where Jen, obscured by a plant, has heard the whole thing.
Later downstairs, she, Naomi, and Matthews are wishing their jockey good luck. They speculate about how amazing it would be to win the $200,000 purse. Naomi thinks it would be especially fortuitous since the horse was a gift. Matthews is all, "Back up the bus. Someone gave you a horse?" Jen sidesteps the question by telling him the race is starting. As the horses start running, Matthews latches back on to the lingering question and implies that he hopes it wasn't a man who gave such an expensive gift to his girlfriend. She assures him she likes the horse more than the gift horse. The race continues, with the Clarks' horse pulling well ahead of the pack and winning it by a couple lengths. They cheer and hug.
Inside, Dixon approaches Silver to offer his sympathies about her mom. She thanks him for coming to the funeral. He brushes it off as something he'd do for anyone, but she says it was more than that. She admits that things haven't been smooth between them, which was pretty much all her fault. He forgives her, and they both admit they've missed having a true best friend around through all the recent craziness, then hug. Pan out to Teddy watching it all.
Hospital. AAdrianna tells Navid she's come from a meeting and realizes why she screwed up everything with him. She says that, even though she was sober when they were together, she was still in addict mentality. She says she resisted things going well because she didn't feel like she deserved a good life. Now she's learning and moving forward. He accepts this. She says she knows it's over between them, but she's open to being friends when he's ready.
Back at the races, Jen finds Liam cheering on a pony at the bar. They step into a private room to talk, where Jen tries to shake down Liam for any and all copies of his recording of her. She tells him Naomi will never figure it all out because she's so endearingly naïve. They look down at Naomi and her red hat down in the box. Oh, except! As this is happening, Naomi in a new black hat is being led into a private room by the waiter. He tells her to wait there. As Naomi contorts herself in one unsexy pose after another, the waiter steps outside to frantically draft a text message. "The eagle has landed," reads Dixon's phone. Despite the sunshine, he pulls out a boldly patterned umbrella and spins it around above the crowd.
Back upstairs, Jen tosses Liam's phone onto the ground and smashes it with her stiletto. He looks down to see Dixon's signal, then backs Jen up against a thin set of sliding doors so Naomi can hear all the dirty details of how Jen lied to him, turned him against Naomi, then slept with him after prom. Always needing the last word, Jen snarks that, of all the men she's slept with, Liam was the most boring. At this point, Naomi has sidled up to the door and heard everything. She slides open the doors in disbelief: "It was you?" Jen starts stammering a lie, but Naomi cuts her off, saying she never wants to see her again. Jen walks off, venom shooting from her eyes. Looks like Naomi gets the last word.
Back downstairs, Liam meets the Dudesketeers to high five and gloat about how Ocean's Eleven they were. Some of the fun is dampened for Liam, though, when he looks over and sees Naomi doubled over crying. Jen reaches ground level and tells Matthews she wants to leave. He grimly tells her that Dixon told him everything. Jen starts into another web of lies, but even she can't hold up this one. She admits that she's done terrible things. Then she tries to reframe it that those things all happened before she met and fell for Ryan. She insists he's changed her and made her want to be a better person. Her story loses a lot of its shine, though, when the sleazy Latin lothario she bought the horse from congratulates her and inadvertently reveals that the horse wasn't a gift but something she bought for herself. Matthews may be an English teacher, but he does the math pretty quickly and realizes that Jen used Naomi's money and lied to her about it. Jen reminds Matthews that he promised to stick by her if she was honest with him. He says he was wrong and walks off. The camera pans out on Jen, whose LBD and broad-brimmed hat have now become positively funereal.
Upstairs, Silver comforts a still shocked Naomi and promises to be there for her. Naomi realizes she has to talk to Liam and whisks off. Silver watches over her things while Teddy, looking through a doorway, watches over Silver. I'm pretty sure Trevor Donovan's direction in this moment was limited to "Look pensive!" And, honestly, it's a bit of minimalist direction they're beginning to rely on a little too much -- even for a soap. Down in the bleachers, Ivy smugly twirls around Naomi's red hat as she walks up to Liam. She asks why he's not happier. He admits he can't be happy after making Naomi so unhappy. Ivy says he should be relieved. It's an effort to distract him from his moodiness, but, more to the point, it's mainly to distract him from thinking too hard about Naomi. It works, and he thanks Ivy for her help as Naomi approaches behind him. Ivy sees what Liam can't and pulls him in for a kiss aimed squarely at Naomi. She runs off hurt, and Liam pulls away wondering where the PDA came from. Ivy claims nobody saw them.
La Casa Nueva. Debbie and Harry confront Annie about going to study group without any books. Before she can eke out an excuse, Dixon barges in and covers Annie's ass. Later, she heads into his room to thank him. He says she had it coming to her since he didn't believe her when she insisted she didn't sleep with Liam after prom. He reveals that it was Jen all along. Annie, who hasn't been in a position to judge anyone for a long time, relishes the chance to be all, "Wow, that shit is fucked!" Dixon wonders how siblings can get so messed up. Then they have a good laugh about what disasters they've become and how they barely k