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AAdrianna gets a shot to return to her acting career, though not without some relapse worry on her part and resistance on Navid's. He spends most of the episode being a dick to her, though it's just his way of being protective, since her fuck-ups now affect him, too. Teddy takes this chance to insinuate himself into the distance between them. He gets as far as first base (depending on your base scheme) but, needless to say, it's not very far. AAdrianna has a crisis of conscience, and Teddy's unwarranted self-assurance actually gives Navid the push he needed to get all the way to home plate for once.
Which is where he meets Dixon, who's been bonking DJ Hottie since last episode. All of this, you'll remember is based entirely on the bald-faced lie that he's a.) not a high school student and b.) a person capable of sustaining a high-powered career in the music industry. For believing these untruths, DJ Hottie deserves what's coming to her. But yet! All the dishonesty is so worth it, because they are peas in an iPod! They love the same music and even have the same cell phone. It's, like, totally fate! That is, until the Lambo he's virtually stolen from Navid's father breaks down, and DJ Hottie finds the real owner's massive porn stash in the trunk. Dixon the Music Producer just became Dixon the Porn Backer. She actually accepts it until she stalks him down to the Casa Nueva and ridiculously misconstrues an innocent hug between Dixon and Debbie. Story developing…
Speaking of ill-fated sexual entanglements, Liam gets in early on some dirt about Jen's marriage to Olivier and her utter brokeassness. He blackmails her into forfeiting all her manipulation capital and telling Naomi about the broken marriage, the broken Jen and the broken condom (I'm presuming) during their one-nighter. Alas, Jen's bitchassness wins out, and she manages to use the Olivier debacle to strengthen her connection to Naomi for the moment. She and Liam both end the episode with smug looks on their faces as she thinks she's triumphed, and he knows that he's recorded a sound byte of her admitting they slept together. Touché.
And Annie. Poor, hobo-murderin' Annie. She is thisclose to her own undoing when Silver and Rumer-Willis-with-glasses set about writing a story about the hit-and-run murder. Turns out the guy Annie plowed down was a once-wealthy West Bev alum who became destitute in his final days. Somehow he still had $100,000 to give to West Bev, hence the murder-mystery article. They book an interview with Joe Homeless's nephew, who conveniencidentally is a student at West Bev himself. Annie can't resist making contact with him. He sees the sadness in her eyes, and they form an unlikely bond while gazing at the stars on the roof of his car. I can only hope he turns out as psychotic as his faux-philosophical ramblings and crazy eyes make him out to be.
Discuss this episode in our forums, then see why we think Beverly Hills needs an NCIS.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Previously: Remember how Navid's dad is a porno producer, and they haven't mentioned it since the first episode? So that was one true thing. And then there were a whole bunch of lies: Annie pretending she didn't totally kill that homeless guy. Teddy pretending to be a true friend to AAdrianna when he really just wanted to get in her pants. Dixon pretending to be a music big shot. Liam pretending he didn't sleep with Naomi's sister. Annie pretending she did sleep with Liam, like, a whole lot. Dixon's pretense seems to temporarily paying off as he heads up to Napa with DJ Hottie. As for the rest, we'll see...
Semi-porno music plays as AAdrianna and Navid split an ice cream sundae in a restaurant. He beckons over additional waiters with more desserts. She goes for Door #3, a covered tray. A waiter pulls off the top, and underneath is a tennis ball. She turns back around to see Teddy, who promptly removes his shirt. Hello, six-pack! And this is the real deal. None of that Robert Pattinson shit. Before we get to see the rest of him, AAdrianna wakes up. Drat!
They're in the Blaze office, and Rumer Willis has made her triumphant return to call him "Boss." I ask again: Who does that? Either way, Navid has curried favor from the staffers by ordering Mr. Chow to give them incentive to work Sunday and make their deadline. RuWill tells AAdrianna that Navid rocks, and AAdrianna unenthusiastically agrees. What's the female equivalent of blue balls? Tangerine ovaries?
Up in Palm Springs, Dixon and DJ Hottie are spooning and sharing their iPod headphones to listen to some post-coital jams. His phone rings with a call from Navid. DJ Hottie leaves him to take the call while she takes a shower. He answers, and Navid takes him to task for charging $400 on Navid's credit card for a couple's massage. Dixon assures him it was worth it. He smugs that he's living the dream. Navid counters that Dixon is living a lie. Dixon promises he'll come clean... soon. Navid tells him he'd better, and make it back to school on Monday, because Harry is going to ask him where Dixon is is, and he's not made for interrogations. DJ Hottie calls Dixon to join her in the shower.
Over at the beach club, Naomi runs into Liam, who is waiting to catch some waves with Teddy. She gives him the stank face (or is that just her normal look?), and he pleads with her that she has to trust that never had sex with Annie. She seems to consider it, given the seriousness in his eyes... and then Jen interrupts to get her bitch on and continue indoctrinating Naomi that she can't trust Liam. She plays the protective, ever-honest sister when really she's nothing more than a conniving ho with expensive tastes. A highlighted Heidi Fleiss, if you will. But you already knew that. Unfortunately, Naomi's not so good with the deductions, so she heads off with Jen, freshly hurt.
Back at West Bev, the Blaze staff is desperately scouring the web for news stories. RuWill brings up the homeless guy that Teddy found (and Annie totes manslaughtered). She says with some shock that he just donated 100 grand to West Bev. Navid assigns her and Silver to cover the investigation. They are totally going to go gay for each other.
Over at AAdrianna's house, her mom comes in with a rather passive-aggressive approach to ask why AAdrianna hasn't called her agent in two weeks. AAdrianna reminds her that she's not auditioning at this time, but DinaLite took the liberty of calling herself and getting AAdrianna an audition for a midseason pilot. AAdrianna looks briefly happy then sticks to her guns about staying under the radar. DinaLite gets real: AAdrianna's agent threatened to drop her if she doesn't show up to the audition.
Palm Springs. Dixon and DJ Hottie are still entangled when he wakes up with a start to realize that he's late for school. Of course he can't tell the DJ that, so he makes up an excuse before putting on some damn clothes for the first time in three days.
Back at West Bev, Naomi greets Annie with a chipper "Good morning, skank!" and Date Rape Mark approaches to ask if Annie wants to hang out later. Considering how well their last "hang out" went, she gives him a dubious "maybe." Then some random dweeb approaches her to tell her he's made a mouse pad with her rack on it. She tells him to cherish it, because it's the last time he'll see the girls again. Ooooh, sassy Annie. Me likes. She walks up to find Silver interviewing the nephew of the homeless man that she roadkilled. RuWill tells Annie his name was Joe Herman, he was a West Bev alum, and his nephew is currently attending West Bev. And, I might add, looks a bit like Ethan made it with Kris Allen, no? Annie's face collapses. Bouncy credits.
Scene of the Grimes. Silver continues interviewing Kris Jr., who makes it clear from the get-go that he doesn't run with the cool kids. In case you couldn't tell from his edgy black clothing. Silver asks about Joe Herman. Kris Jr. says he was bananas, and not in that uber-hip Rachel Zoe way. No, dear readers, he was batshit. Which totally reminds Kris Jr. where he recognizes Silver from! You see, she's nuts, too! He tells he loved her amateur skin flick, says it was a mix of "early Cocteau meets Un Chien Andalou meets somethin' whack." Ha! Silver awkwardly changes the subject, asking why Joe Homeless left so much money to West Bev. He shrugs. She asks if there are any leads. Kris Jr. laughs, saying that he was just another piece of garbage in the eyes of the police. Silver counters that whoever killed him was the piece of garbage. Pan to Annie, who really shouldn't make a career of this manslaughter thing because she's doing a crap job hiding her emotions.
Down the hall, Harry is patrolling all of the crazy roller-skating, Cindy-Mancini-from-Can't-Buy-Me-Love-jacket-wearing teens. Just another day at the office! Navid walks up and turns abruptly, knowing that he is going to have to cover for Dixon again, possibly including an interrogation. He tries to throw Harry off the scent by talking about the Blaze's coverage of Joe Homeless's death. It doesn't work. Harry asks Dixon's whereabouts. Just as Navid stumbles to find an excuse, Dixon ex machina shows up to end the ruse. Navid is so very clearly relieved.
Meanwhile, Teddy finds AAdrianna at her locker to ask her for lunch. She acts as any person might who just totally had a sex dream about him, and gives him a tongue-tied excuse as to why she can't.
Outside West Bev's hallowed halls, Liam's mom and stepdad plan a trip to Paris. Did you ever think you'd see Bo Duke school someone on proper French pronunciation? I certainly didn't. The camera pans over to show a visibly uncomfortable Liam. His mother gushes about how excited she is, since she's never been out of the country. Liam reminds her his father took her to Canada once, then persists with the argument because it's the only way he can take out his stepdad hate. Stepdad warns Liam not to take that tone with his mother and gives an ominous look that spells out B-O-O-T-C-A-M-P. His mother distracts them by pointing out a magazine article with someone they know. From the deviously joyous look on Liam's face, I suspect mommy has just procured some dirt on Jen.
Out on the beach, Navid bitches about celebrity news. Dixon picks up the discussion to talk about how he and DJ Hottie both hate it, too. They are so in tune. And she knows him better than anyone. Navid points out the fundamental deception that's keeping their relationship going. Dixon promises to tell her soon.
Later, at Clarkette Compound, Liam interrupts Jen as another of her sugar daddies drops her off. Speaking of Rachel Zoe, what in holy hell is that animal that latched itself onto Jen's back and died? Yikes. Sugar Daddy #2 asks if he should stay to help Jen out with the impending confrontation, but when Liam says he's happy to make his information about Olivier (remember him?) public, Jen whisks SD2 inside. She struts up to ask Liam what he's up to. He shows her the magazine, whose headline, I believe, reads "The Newlyweds Olivier and Jennifer." It's accompanied by a Top Model-worthy picture of her clinging to Olivier as he shies away from the camera. If I didn't have a moral objection to the term "smizing," I'd consider it appropriate here. Liam tells her he's found a whole lot of interesting stuff about her on the Internet. Specifically her hard partying, gold-digging ways in Europe, and their amazing, dramatic conclusion, including but not limited to getting a divorce after only a month and landing back in L.A. flat broke. He leverages this to force her to tell Naomi what happened on prom night. She says she needs 24 hours.
The day in the West Bev cafeteria, AAdrianna tells Navid about her agent's ultimatum. He tries to commiserate, but she flips the script and tells him that she's planning to skip class to go. He's confused, because he thought she was done with acting. She agrees that it's a good idea to take a break right now but says she doesn't want to lose her agent, because she plans to return to acting. He thinks she can just get a new agent when she decides to make her never-came-in-the-first-place comeback. She calls out his naïveté, saying she's a dime a dozen. He thinks she's one in a million. He reminds her that Hollywood is crazy and led to all the risky business she got involved in last year. Almost OD'd and knocked up much? She grimaces as she says she remembers it, and he makes a joke that he thought she was "No Drama AAdrianna" this year.
Just as they're having a light, lovely moment -- the kind that brought them together in the first place -- Teddy comes up and interjects himself in the situation, as usual. He even snags some of Navid's fries. And that would be my limit. Before enough memories get planted into her head to make tonight's dream a ménage à trois, AAdrianna claims she needs to call her agent and excuses herself.
Elsewhere, Annie tracks down Kris Jr. to tell him she's sorry about her uncle. She starts to tear up a bit. Naturally the many layers of Annie's human tragedy parfait are lost on him. She takes off abruptly, and he gives her a meaningful look.
Back inside, Silver finds Teddy. He persists in driving that one-off Vicky Christina Barcelona joke into the ground, nearly making me hate him enough to forget those abs. Regardless, she asks him to make a comment on finding Joe Homeless for her story. He starts rattling some shit off in his Entitled White Boy, cocksure way and manages to cast aspersions on the homeless. As you'll recall, Silver spent about 35 seconds in a homeless shelter last season, so she is deeply offended. He tries to back it up, giving Joe Homeless the more PC designation of "abode challenged" and making jokes about cardboard boxes and grocery carts, but it's too late. She tears him a new one for being an Entitled White Boy and asks to resume the interview. He tells her to leave him out of it. She calls him a jerk as he walks away.
In Matthews' class, he notices that AAdrianna is missing. Navid covers for her.
Later, Naomi returns to Clarkette Compound. Jen, with a serious look on her face, says there's something they need to talk about. Jen beats around the bush as Naomi sits down. Instead of dropping the bombshell, Jen backs up to it, admitting first that she's married. She claims that the marriage didn't last because she found Olivier in bed with another woman right after they got married. , she admits that she spent all her money in Europe. Naomi wonders if Jen was planning to live off her forever. Jen claims she intends to pay Naomi back and says that she's had some time to clear her head and decided to go back to Olivier. Convenient, non? She lies that it's for Naomi's benefit, that she can't live off her little sister's trust fund, and that she'll just have to resign herself to living in an open marriage. Poor Jen! She's practically Stella Dallas up in here. Pfffft. Naomi the Easily Manipulated falls for Jen's ploy to pull Naomi's heartstrings by evoking their father's cheating. She says she doesn't care about recovering her trust fund and insists that Jen stay in the Bev Niner. They share a sisterly hug.
Elsewhere, Harry dedicates a picture of Joe Homeless in his better days as Annie looks on guiltily. Her near-emotional breakdown catches Kris Jr.'s eye. He gazes meaningfully again.
Meanwhile, Dixon is still technically in mid-larceny with Navid's father's car. He spouts out some bullshit about music or something comparably pretentious to DJ Hottie, who says she's amped about going to some swanky restaurant with him. Quoth Dixon, "There's nothing like a little herb-crusted salmon by the sea." Sheesh. Apropos of nothing, she tells him she's not used to all this fancy treatment from men. She says she's actually pretty broke and spends nights without him at home with her roommates, eating Ramen noodles. She tells him she feels like she can be real with him and tell him anything.
He has a crisis of conscience and decides to drop his bomb. He asks her what she was like in high school. She says she acted like most high school kids, did idiot things and overestimated her own intellect. Sound familiar, everyone on this show?! He lets out an embarrassed chuckle, hoping his jocularity will ease the transition to his confession. He asks if she thinks there might be some mature high school kids out there. She laughs off that notion, reminding him that he has obviously changed so much since high school. Yeah! He was, like, totally a different person today at 3:15 p.m. Worlds away from now... at 3:48. And so, as Dixon's bubble bursts on this relationship ever happening in reality, so pops the tire of Navid's father's fancy car.
"And so, I said to Warren Beatty, 'Back off, man. I'm hitting on this girl!'" Yep, that's how Teddy Montgomery ends a story. What about you? He's sitting at the fancy Joe Homeless Memorial with Navid, Silver, RuWill, and Naomi. Naturally everyone gets a good laugh out of the story but Silver. The waiter comes by and gives them their plates. Silver gives Teddy crap for talking to "just a waiter." He apologizes for being a self-important ass earlier (just then?). She says she'll forgive him if he does the interview. He refuses still, so she rides his ass some more about thinking his time is more valuable than others'. He finally blurts out that he won't do the interview because the police won't allow him to. He tells her to back off and stop acting like Suzy Big Shot Reporter, because she's actually just a high school student. Intentional emphasis on the "just" this time. He walks off and Naomi points out the awkward factor.
Navid looks up as AAdrianna approaches. He is disappointed that she went to her audition. She tries to joke that at least she didn't do blow in the bathroom. He's not amused. She tells him that acting is really important to her. He counters that she is really important to him. He again reminds her of all the crap she put herself, and him, through last year. She doesn't take it in the spirit it's intended, in large part because of his moralistic delivery, and thinks he's trying to make her feel guilty. Before they can get any further, she receives a call. She got the job. He gives her a pissy congratulations.
Across the way, Annie bids goodbye to Harry and Debbie. As she walks off, Kris Jr. follows her.
Back in Grand Theft Auto land, Dixon is freaking out on the phone with Navid that calling Triple A will alert both the authorities and DJ Hottie that he's not who he says he is. Navid is totally unsympathetic and hangs up on him. He walks back to the car, where DJ Hottie is none too pleased to find a trunk chockablock with porn, including such classics as Ten Things I'd Lick About You and Mr. Holland's Phallus. [With parody titles like those, those must be some old-ass porn movies. Or maybe the first one is based on the current ABC Family show? - Zach] Commercials.
We return as Dixon squirms under DJ Hottie's angry scrutiny. She asks what kind of pervert has a trunk full of porn. He blurts out, "People in the business!" Suddenly Hot Shot Music Exec Dixon morphs into Hot Shot Porn Producer Dixon. Or perhaps he should be called Dicks-on now? He concocts a story about being on the financial side of things and using it as his stepping stone to enter (tee-hee) the music industry. Man, she must really be good in the sack, because he is working for this lay. He apologizes for lying to her, saying he was embarrassed about his "real profession." She tears up at his betrayal and asks what else he's lied about. He weaves his tangled web, saying that's the end of it. She makes him promise he won't tell any more lies. And good luck to you both!
Hobo Funeral. Kris Jr. catches up with Annie to thank her for coming to Joe Homeless's memorial and ask her what she's doing later. She says she has homework to do. He tells her to blow it off. She continues to head off, but he says that he needs someone to talk to. She stops. He says he and his uncle were really close when he was younger, before his "abode-challenged" period. He drops all this information in her lap and says that his uncle's death is suddenly bringing up a lot of emotional issues. Then he's all, "But feel free to go do your trigonometry homework if you must, you heartless wench." Annie agrees to take a ride with him. Oooooh, I hope this ends with an abduction!
Back inside, Silver asks a downtrodden Navid where Teddy is. He doesn't know. She asks if he's okay, but he gives her the brush-off.
Elsewhere, Liam meets Jen to ask if she's broken the bad news to Naomi. She says she admitted to her quickie marriage and impecuniousness. She snots that she feels so much better now and thanks him for forcing her hand. Bitch. He blusters a bit before she shuts him down, threatening to put a broomstick in his mouth (perhaps a reference to military school, though possibly a throwback to their dirty-dirty foreplay) and telling him to find someone else to obsess over. She tells him Naomi would never believe her even if she came clean about their one-night stand.
Later, Teddy finds AAdrianna just in time for the window treatments to billow seductively. She tells him about getting the part but losing her man. He acts all supportive and understanding. Boyfriend-like, you might say. She worries that she isn't ready to return to acting yet. She's scared. Teddy brings her in for a hug. They pull out and linger, as you knew they would from the moment this stupid scene began. They kiss. Silver happens by and sees it all. Commercials.
Back in La Cabaña de los Tramposos, AAdrianna pulls away from her lip lock with Teddy, ashamed, and runs off.
Annie and Kris Jr. look at the stars. He rambles on in a weird, pseudo-philosophical way. The gist is that our priorities are just flash in the pan when you consider the whole universe. A blip, just like his uncle was. He tells her not to worry. Instead, to lie back and enjoy the ride. Which is really a good philosophy until you hear a thud and feel your axle go a-tilt.
Over at the Casa Nueva, DJ Hottie pulls up with a friend to scope out her Porn King boyfriend's house. The friend is really dubious about Dixon's supposed occupation. DJ Hottie says she would have a problem with anyone else, but Dixon is special. As her friend rolls her eyes, Dixon pulls up in the Crap Wagon. They watch as he walks up to the door and hugs Debbie. Of course this familial embrace looks totally whacked from their perspective.
AAdrianna's house. Navid has invited him over to tell him she turned down the job and her agent is dropping her. She's decided to take the year off. He kisses her gently, yet passionately and tells her he loves her. She reciprocates, then tells her that DinaLite is working the night shift. She starts to unbutton his shirt, saying she thinks they've waited long enough.
As they get hot and heavy, a bottle of champagne pops in another scene. God what a pathetic visual transition. And, frankly, insulting. Some greasy hipster -- Oh wait! That's Matthews! -- joins Jen at the Clarkette Compounds. She gripes obscurely about the kinks in her various machinations while Matthews readies for his only chance to get screwed for a while. And boy will he get screwed. Just wait.
Across town, Liam looks menacing as he plays back a recording of Jen saying, "Naomi. Will never. Believe. That we slept together."
week: Naomi "goes green," which apparently involves meeting up with a poor man's Chris Klein, riding a pink basket bike, pouring bottled water into a Nalgene, and wearing sweats. I'm so glad the writers and producers have no qualms with putting these filler episodes in this early in the game. God forbid they spend some actual time, money, and brain power to keep the pace going.
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