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Only three episodes into the new season, Teddy takes his rightful position at front and center. Rightly, it's the most boring episode yet. He invites everyone to a party on his movie star dad's yacht. Naturally this gesture only serves to deepen divisions between the denizens of the Bev Niner instead of erasing them.
For example, Navid -- God bless him -- has decided he will never beat Teddy, so he might as well join him. He spends the episode buddying up to the rakish Mr. Montgomery, who spews out a highly dubious story about falling on the sword for his scholarship-dependent Exeter roommate all the while actively, and manipulatively I might add, putting the moves on AAdrianna. AAdrianna rebuffs Teddy's advances this time, but her resolve is weakening. Navid is none the wiser.
Dixon carries on with Booty Quest 2009 by deciding the best way to win the girl of his dreams is to be anyone other than himself. So, using Navid's dad's Lamborghini as a prop, he convinces an unwitting DJ that he is a hot shot music executive. And, frankly, if she believes such a ridiculous improvisation, then she deserves what's coming to her. Conveniencidentally, her very gig after meeting Dixon is Teddy's yacht party. Dixon spends the entire time hitting on her in plain eyesight of Silver, thus making Silver feel like crap as well as ending up with a new girl who may be just as crazy as his tattooed ex was.
Annie finally gives up on finding redemption and settles for wreaking as much havoc as possible. And how? First, she teams up with Date Rape Mark, trading ambiguous (though, it's safe to assume, sexual) favors with DRM to alienate Naomi from her friends by making it clear that Naomi maliciously sent out the sext to all of West Bev. Then she ropes Liam into a fake confession in which she insists that she and Liam were in fact having sex regularly and also mocking Naomi all the while. Bitchtastic!
Finally, seeds of discontent are sown between Harry and Debbie as Kelly gets more involved in the Wilson family affairs.
Discuss this episode in our forums, then see which era of vloggers Val and Beth think is less realistic in TV is the Answer!
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Previously: Sexting! Manslaughter! High school betrayal! And other truly inconsequential crimes.
West Bev. Harry gives Dixon the third degree for clocking Date Rape Mark. Dixon finally gives it up (just like Annie... bah-dum-bum) that he assaulted another student for taking a naked picture of his sister. Harry's all, "Dismissed."
Elsewhere, Dixon runs into Silver, who has a box of his things to return now that they're officially dunzo. What begins as an amicable exchange quickly devolves into a bitching, hateful discussion of how one never got to do what they wanted in deference to the other's preferences -- mainly Silver's. Storming off ensues.
Outside, Annie parks her car, then runs into a Starbucks-toting Teddy. He claims -- very insistently, I might add -- to know her, though he can't pinpoint where, exactly. Finally some jackass passes and takes a cell phone picture of her. Teddy realizes that she's the sexting girl. He tells her not to worry about any of it because people will move on soon enough. And then she walks to her locker. It has been spray painted with the word "SLUT" à la Sienna Miller. Liam approaches, looking slightly remorseful. She asks what he's staring at and tells him it's all his fault. Agree to disagree then!
Meanwhile, Silver is raging to Naomi and AAdrianna about Dixon when Annie walks up and goes off on Naomi. Naomi pretends she doesn't know what the problem is, but Annie lays it all out there, saying she personally apologized and begged Naomi not to send out the sext. Naomi continues to play dumb, and the other girls walk off with her.
Down the hall, AAdrianna finds Navid. He's sent her a text. He tells her he wants her to look at a piece he's working on. It starts fairly routinely, just like his disastrous interview with Teddy. And then, we see that, in the piece, Navid is interviewing Navid. He grills himself hard, asking why he was such an imbecile. Interviewee Navid claims that someone like AAdrianna, who is so far out of his league, would drive any man crazy and, thus, make him do crazy things. The meta-Navid shtick gets a little creepy at the end, but AAdrianna is touched nonetheless. They are officially made up.
Back out in the hallway, Annie scrubs her locker. Silver walks up and offers to help. She tries to explain to Annie the dizzying effect Liam has on Naomi, but Annie is beyond caring. She is on the warpath about Naomi sending out the sext, and she vows to prove that it was Naomi, come hell or high water. Bouncy credits.
Out in the parking lot, Annie has inexplicably turned to Date Rape Mark, who decides it's probably not a good idea for them to hang out, what with all the punching and kiddy porn that tends to result from their coupling. She tells him that, since he started all this mess, he needs to help her sort it out. He tells her that it's going to cost her. Because he's classy. She looks at him like she's willing to go along with his idiotic demands. Because she's a jackass.
Over in the AV room, Dixon is grousing about Silver shoving her "box of socks" in his face. Ha. He can't believe that she would be even mildly hostile to him when he so kindly ignored her phone call just days before. He is miffed that she is giving him back all this crap that he never wanted in the first place. While Navid generously offers to take the calligraphy set, Dixon decides that he was whipped. Moving forward, he decides to make everything about "the D-man" and to find himself a female Dixon. Navid cracks that this could be the start of a bad Tyler Perry flick. Word.
They are interrupted by Teddy inviting them to a party on his dad's yacht. Dixon shies away, in deference to his bro, but Navid is all over it. He accepts the invitation. Teddy heads off, and Dixon wonders why Navid is willing to go to the party of someone he actively does not like. Navid says he recognizes that hating Teddy will only drive AAdrianna away. His solution? Be best bros with Teddy! He dubs it "Operation: Overcompensate." Oh, this is going nowhere good all kinds of fast.
Dixon gives him a big, fat "Whateva" as Navid remembers that he forgot to order pizzas for the Blaze meeting. Dixon refuses to go get the pizzas until Navid pulls out the Lamborghini keys. And off goes Dixon! Over at the pizza place, a fedora clad Dixon finds himself in a baseball conversation with a comely black girl named Sasha. And she knows her stuff. They get into about the Yankees, the Sox, etc. Mainly she's just there to be the aforementioned "female Dixon," so I won't pretend that she has much of a personality otherwise...
Over at the Nueva Casa, Debbie talks to Annie about what a big deal it is to be intimate with someone. Of course it's far too late to have that conversation now -- what with both kids in amateur porn and all... but God bless Debbie for trying. Annie assure Deb that she didn't "do it" with Date Rape Mark, but Deb reminds her of the double standard that promiscuity generally hurts the reputation of the woman involved, rather than the fellow. Annie tries to shrug it off, accusing Debbie of being bitter because she has no sexual experience. At which point Harry, who has been listening in the whole time, tells Annie to pipe down. Instead of appreciating her husband's help, Debbie claims she doesn't need saving. And what was once just Annie being a dumbass had now become a family situation. Cheers!
Back at West Bev, Navid wonders where Dixon went. Dixon tries to explain that he has found the "female Dixon." Navid rightly calls this an extremely unsexy concept and tells him to bring back the pizzas post-haste. Instead, Dixon bonds somewhere with his female doppelganger and learns that she is a DJ well beyond her college years. They head outside, he with his pizzas and she with her agedness, and make a date for Sunday. Not before she notices the Lamborghini, of course.
The day at West Bev, Dixon brags about his new conquest and solicits suggestions from his bros about where to take his new Cougarette for their date. Hapless Navid suggests the Grove. Liam mainly makes fun of Dixon for being out of his league. Particularly in regards to the whole "statutory rape" things. Dixon claims he will tell Sasha about his age when the time is right.
Harry's office. He continues to sow adultery seeds with Kelly Taylor by consulting her about his home life issues with Debbie and his problems with his slutbag daughter. Kelly is on Annie's side, saying she thinks Annie has been punished enough by having the whole high school seeing her rack. Then she jokes about how she was lucky not to have been around when webcams and digicams were par for the course. They laugh about how she set the precedent for Girls Gone Wild. Oh, ... Nothing gets an episode kicking like date rape hilarity! Hrmph.
Harbor. Silver and Naomi walk up to Teddy's yacht laughing about how wowed they were by Usher's speedboat last summer when they were such starry-eyed lambs. Then they bug out when they spot Annie and Date Rape Mark. The camera pans up to them. He doesn't think this public of an appearance is a good idea, but she tells him to stick to their plan. He tells her this is an addition to their contract, and she's all, "Yeah, yeah, yeah."
The party kicks into gear as drinks are poured and such. Teddy welcomes AAdrianna aboard. Along tag Dixon and Navid, who creepily hugs Teddy and tells him there's no place he'd rather be. AAdrianna tries to diffuse the awkwardness, but Navid insists on getting the grand tour of the yacht. Over on the bow, Liam spies Naomi and gives her a classic soap opera stare. At the same time, Dixon approaches Silver (with Naomi) and skitters away anxiously. His skittering leads him straight into the eye line of DJ Sasha. Luckily, she is too concerned with the turntables to see him and blow his cover.
Bell Biv DeVoe's "Poison" plays as he heads out to the deck to tell his bros about this "nightmare" he's stuck in -- trapped on this ship, being forced to own up to the fact that he is not, in fact, Jay-Z but is actually an average high school student with a jealous ex-girlfriend. The guys promise to play along with Dixon's story and keep Silver out of his way for the evening. Dixon heads back inside, working his fedora and pretending he's massively cooler than he is. Sasha goes for it, even offering him a free DJ lesson. Did I mention that he calls himself an "exec" during the course of this lesson? Yeah. She deserves what comes to her if she buys that crap. Just sayin'.
Back on the sun deck, Annie and Date Rape Mark approach Naomi and Silver. He says very matter-of-factly that Naomi sent herself Annie's sext, thereby proving that she was the one who sent it out to the rest of the school. His part done, he peaces out. Silver is shocked. Naomi doesn't even try to deny it. And Annie is all, "See???!!" And they all look haggard as all Hell. I'm talkin' rough. Naomi spits out to Annie, "You think you've won this little battle? Guess what, honey. You've just started a war."
Nueva Casa. Debbie marvels that Annie has gone to a party on the Montgomery family's yacht. Harry seems to think she's come around, then makes the misstep of telling Debbie that he discussed it with Kelly first. Debbie zeroes in on the problem: If she says something, he ignores it like white noise -- if Kelly says it, he listens. She storms out, leaving him agape.
Yacht. Annie approaches Liam to accuse-slash-plead-with him. Always a good combo! She starts with the whole "This is crazy!" line, then, as soon as she sees that he's not on board -- so to speak -- she changes tack and tells him that he owes it to her to tell Naomi not only that he didn't sleep with Annie but also who he slept with. For whatever reason, Liam finally seems to consider this idea.
Upstairs, Dixon interrupts Sasha's DJ set with a big, wet kiss. Sasha notes that "some trick with short black hair keeps giving [her] the stank eye." Of course it's Silver. Dixon comes clean that the trick in question is his ex and suggest Sasha keep her distance. Silver stomps off. He continues to try to look cool in his white-trimmed fedora and pink button down shirt. Talk about an uphill battle!
Outside, Liam and Annie walk up to Naomi. Annie says she wants to tell Naomi the truth about prom night. And then she starts dropping bombs. She says they slept together that night. Bam! And that it wasn't the first time. Bam! That they'd been sleeping together for weeks. Bam! Liam tries to step in, but Annie is on the rampage. She tells Naomi, whose lips are trembling, that she and Liam would lie around making fun of Naomi for hours after they had sex. She seals the deal by saying, "It's kind of funny, huh? Everyone you love ends up loving me more. First Ethan, then Liam. Who's gonna be ?" Naomi stumbles off, stunned. Gotta hand it to Annie. Girl's got a sense of whimsy.
Inside the cabin, Dixon is pissing himself with glee over this new girl he's locked down. Navid -- because he's got nothing better to do -- is encouraging this premature ejaculation. Liam comes down the stairs calling for Dixon's help, so Dixon tells Sash that Navid is his assistant and instructs the hapless loser to keep her away from Silver. While Dixon goes out and hears an earful from Liam about what a psychopath Annie is, Navid leaves Sasha alone so he can go get seasick. Unwitting Teddy pulls Navid to the stern so he can get a little less green in the gills. Of course this gives Silver ample opportunity to make small talk with Sasha. For whatever reason, she decides not to blow Dixon's "big-time music executive" cover for now.
Back on the stern, Teddy finally confronts Navid about his obvious dislike for him. Navid tells Teddy that he seems like a sleaze ball. He cites the over-eagerness to help him out sea sickness to the way he handled the question about being kicked out of Exeter. Teddy claims that he didn't even know the naked girls he got caught with at Exeter. He claims they were actually there with his scholarship-dependent roommate but that he took the fall because he wanted to come home to Cali anyway. Convenient. Navid, of course, goes for it.
Upstairs, Dixon finds Silver and Sasha, now thick as thieves. Silver sassily plays along with Dixon's idiotic cover story about being a music bigwig and driving a "Lambo." She snarkily asks if he turned in the Maserati, then heads off, saying she's "so glad [he's] finally found someone [he] can really be [himself] with." Dixon looks mildly self-aware... but then you have to remove points for that ridiculous fedora, and he's all the way back to "douchebag" again.
Elsewhere, Teddy and AAdrianna reminisce over old times in the galley. They discuss her movie career and his tennis tournaments. He tries to parlay the "for old times' sake" feeling into a clandestine kiss, but she's still got her mind firmly planted on Navid. She leaves awkwardly.
Later, AAdrianna and Navid are slurping down sundaes as Navid talks about what an awesome friend Teddy is going to be to them. She looks understandably uncomfortable.
Meanwhile, Dixon woos Sasha with played-out Casablanca references. She's a cheap skeeze, so it works.
In another room, Naomi and Silver start their own pity party. Silver insists that Naomi rules West Bev, while Naomi says that Silver is the most confident, independent person she knows. Silver points out her ill-advised "Dixon" tattoo to prove otherwise. The same tattoo that is going to take seven laser sessions and eight months to remove. She says, way too pointedly, "Guess it takes a long time to make someone fade away." Silver thinks she is pathetic for not busting Dixon on his lies earlier. Naomi thinks she's showing progress. Somehow Gael Garcia Bernal is implicated in all of this. And that makes me sad. Leave GGB out of this! In any case, the girls join up in solidarity and tell each other they are doing great.
Alla Nueva Casa, Kelly IMs Harry to ask how things are going. He looks guiltily at Debbie and replies, "Not so great." Debbie brusquely says she's turning in for the night as Kelly offers to discuss it with Harry on Monday. He invites her for lunch, looking conflicted.
Back at the party, Navid rambles on about throwing Teddy a "Welcome Back to SoCal" party, and AAdrianna noncommittally agrees. Dixon comes over to awkwardly ask if he can borrow the "Lambo" to impress his new girl. Navid calls him out for being a d-bag but still gives him the keys. Elsewhere, Annie finds Date Rape Mark to fulfill her end of the deal... whatever that is. I suspect it involves things with explanations on Urban Dictionary. Across town, Liam makes his way into a garage and bangs his fists on some architectural plans. It's all very meaningful. At the same time, Sasha eyes the Lamborghini and asks Dixon if she can "see how she feels." He obliges. Seeing as it's not his car and all. As he slides into the seat, she tells him that they're not heading back to the Bev Niner. Instead, they're starting their date early and going to Napa.
week: Sex, lies, and porn DVDs! Sasha finds out Dixon's not all he claims to be, while AAdrianna confirms Navid's worst fears about her and Teddy.
Discuss this episode in our forums, then see which era of vloggers Val and Beth think is less realistic in TV is the Answer!