Previously on Real World: oh, so now they're back to "Previously on..." Last week, I thought they had given up the falsely opening. But apparently, last week the editors realized that they were spinning the "Jamie gets religion" and "Jamie loves Julie" storylines out of thin air, so they didn't even try to pretend like it's been an ongoing theme of the season. And I appreciated that acknowledgement. But now, we're back to "Previously on..." David likes producing their television show. Elton tells David that he can't do it all himself. Matt thinks there's "a weirdness" between him and Julie, and Julie agrees. Matt thinks his webpage is "on fire" and girls like to "sign his guestbook." Oh, this is going to be so sad. That is probably the saddest thing that Matt has said so far this season, and if this episode is going to be more of the same, I don't know if I can take the patheticness.
So, given the way the show opens, here's what I imagine happened. Bunim and Murray realized that they were up against the World Series tonight. The same World Series that has been pulling in pretty high ratings. They realized that the "Julie's family" episode was really the peak of the season, and it's all downhill from here. They've used up all the really dramatic footage, and it's getting harder and harder to construct storylines out of what's left. Oh, don't you worry -- they still have a few tricks up their sleeves! But they have to wait until a little later in the season to show them off. And yet, they still need to pull in the casual viewer, the guy who is just flipping through the channels in the off chance that the World Series game is boring. So what do they show to pull him in?
David is at a strip club, watching some nearly naked ladies writhe around on stage. He voice-overs, "I like booty. I love bodies. I love women." I would like to correct him on that one -- he doesn't really love women. If he loved women, he would be capable of forming real relationships with them, and he wouldn't use words like "booty" to refer to them. Also, as near as I can tell, he's at this club by himself, and sitting right to the edge of the stage. I realize that the cameras are going to make the women come over to him. Does he realize that? But I think that, like drinking alone, going to strip clubs alone is both creepy and the sign of a potential problem. Of course, that's just my opinion. In an interview, David tells us he is producing the seventh episode of their television show. Let's see, we've seen shows produced by Kelley, David, Jamie, and Julie. That's four. And this is the seventh. Interesting. David's idea is to have a "fashion show" with some of the girls from the club.
Melissa and Matt are at The Red Room with Lionel, who's displaying his art. In a confessional, Matt tells us that he saw this girl named Brandy, who he really liked. We see Matt talking to Brandy, and she's smiling. It couldn't have anything to do with the cameras, though. Right? Right? Brandy is a beautiful black woman, and I only point that out because if you don't know that, some of Melissa's later comments aren't going to make any sense. In a totally different confessional than the one we just saw, Matt says that Brandy is "fun, interesting, smart, well-traveled." He got all of that from a two-minute conversation in a club? Melissa and Lionel watch Matt talking to Brandy. It looks like they might be making fun of him, but it's hard to say since we can't hear what they are saying. Then, we get to see Matt's mating ritual. First, he threatens to start flipping over tables. Then, he executes a spin maneuver with fingers pointing like guns. When the evening has come to end, Matt shakes Brandy's hand and says that he hopes to see her again. Okay, that's not terribly cheesy. But then he commits the biggest mistake -- he asks if she's going to visit his webpage. Oh, no. Oh, Matt. What are you doing? Brandy smiles and nods, but you can tell secretly she is thinking, "If I sign his guestbook, will I automatically get on camera again?" Or, she might be thinking, "What the hell is a guestbook?" I don't know.
Matt, Jamie, and Melissa walk out of the club. Jamie was there? This is the first we've seen of him. Matt is doing these bizarre spastic movements to indicate his joy, I guess. Melissa comments that he wanted some "chocolate in that milk." Later, Matt keeps saying, "Brandy is cool." Melissa notes that she is "gorgeous too." Matt just keeps repeating, "She is cool." I wish they would show more about why Matt likes her so much. I mean, is it just how pretty she is? Did he gain some insight into her soul during their conversation? I really am curious as to what Matt wants in a woman. I figured at the beginning of the season that he would find Julie to be the perfect mate, and he didn't, so I'm genuinely curious. The trio arrives home. Melissa is telling Danny and Julie about Matt jumping into "a pool of cute little brown girls." In the background, Jamie is hugging Julie. Remember last week, when he was in love with her? Yeah, it seems that storyline is irrelevant this week. Melissa jokes that Matt "dropped the three dubs." I'm guessing that's something Matt says a lot, but Danny doesn't get it -- it means that Matt gave out his site's URL. Get it? Because it's www-dot-something? Clearly, Matt didn't get the memo that it's even cooler to leave the www part out entirely. And how embarrassing that he's made up a phrase to describe his method of picking up women. Melissa explains about the whole "signing the guestbook" thing, and Danny giggles and leaves the room. We see Julie start playing with the computer on the desk -- this is important later. Danny asks what happens if the girl doesn't have a computer. Yeah! In an interview, Julie says that Matt is "totally smitten" and "twitter-pated." Matt does a goofy dance in the kitchen. I can only hope that he is watching this episode and cringing, and vowing to never dance again. NEVER!