As the opening guitar strums its merry way along, Ruthie and Peter board a school bus with their classmates. They take a seat, while everyone around them probably thinks, "Oh, great, we have to sit near that dorkwad couple." Ruthie bitches that their school does the zoo field trip "every other year" and she gets it by now. Peter says it always sucks because they have to get up early and get stuck in traffic. God, I didn't even do this much complaining about a field trip when my biology class had to go to the sewage treatment plant. Because field trips mean that time that would have been spent in school is instead spent somewhere else, and that's good enough for me. Even if that somewhere else features a million-gallon vat of soap scum and bacon grease, as well as an up close and personal look at the "heavier sediment" that can be found in sewage. And now Ruthie starts in with the quasi-philosophical bullshit about how she and Peter are the ones in cages, not the animals. Everything in their lives is "pre-packaged" and "controlled"; their parents drive them everywhere, and they have designated times when they have to do everything. Glenoak is their zoo, and their bedrooms are their cages. Peter asks what the bus signifies. "The meat wagon, taking us to slaughter," Ruthie says. "I think you went a step too far with that metaphor," Peter responds. Pity.
Even though it's supposed to be, like, six o'clock in the morning, it's never too early for Annie to start making dinner! She's got a kitchen table packed with ingredients for her stew. I guess you have to put in about fifteen potatoes and a pound of onions when you're cooking for five hundred or however many people are staying in the CamPound these days. As RevCam sits at the nearby kitchen table and bravely attempts to ignore the prattle, Annie peels a carrot and gets quasi-philosophical herself, except since her world is so narrowly defined by the one room of the CamPound she usually inhabits, all she can talk about is dinner. She says you can't get a smaller word than "stew," which is stew-pid, because obviously there are smaller words than that. For instance, in that last sentence, there were five words with fewer letters than "stew," and another four of equal size -- five, if you count "can't," which is a contraction. And yet, continues Annie, look at all that goes into this falsely-assumed-to-be-small word, like vegetables, two kinds of meat, and copious amounts of arsenic. She may not have said the last ingredient, but I'll bet it's going to be in there! Annie points everything out individually, being sure to do a strange dance with her goofily-outstretched arms as she does so. Thanks, Annie. It's not a real episode of 7th Heaven unless you're doing some sort of bizarre gyration that I am forced to witness.
RevCam wakes up and asks what's for dinner tonight, to which his darling wife responds by giving him a face full of passive-aggressive carrot shavings. RevCam apologizes for not paying attention, saying he's distracted because he has to write his Sunday sermon and "sometimes they just write themselves; this one seems to want help." I know the feeling, RevCam. My recaps often need help, too. Usually in the form of my friends Gin and Tonic. Annie asks RevCam to pick up the dry cleaning for her, to which RevCam says he's "too busy" to make stops on his way to work and can't it wait until tomorrow? Considering it's his dry cleaning that needs picking up, as I'm pretty sure Annie's aprons are all machine-washable, it'll have to. Anyway, RevCam whines that he has a really busy day today, as well he should, since he hasn't been to work in like two or three seasons. Then he makes fun of Annie by saying that "job" is a small word too, so I guess he was paying attention to Annie's little stew diatribe after all. So why was he pretending not to? I've given up understanding this show.
Chandler pulls up to Jeffrey's school in his rockin' Beamer. I'd just like to point out that he was going way too fast for a school zone, and he also neglected to use his turn signal. As Chandler pulls up, his car making a noise that sounds a lot like it just hit the curb, he finds another reason to yell at his li'l moppet: Jeffrey took his seatbelt off before the car was fully stopped. Jeffrey says he will if that's what Chandler wants, to which Chandler says he only wants it because of the seatbelt laws, not because of some silly concern for Jeffrey's safety. Jeffrey leaves for school, then turns back and thanks Chandler for the ride. Chandler has the decency to wait until Jeffrey's turned around again before he sighs in disgust and shakes his head.
For today's Opening Credits Timewaster, RevCam sits in his church office in front of that fugly fake stained glass window. He tries to do some work, but then gets bored and reaches into his desk for a candy. Then he gets another candy in what I'm almost positive is the EXACT SAME SHOT as the one we just saw. This show never ceases to disgust me. Eventually, RevCam just dumps a whole bunch of candies into his hand and gobbles them all down like a pig. Suddenly, he hears Chandler coming, so he slams the drawer shut and tries to act like there is no secret stash of candy. Because if Chandler ever found out about that stash, you know he'd eat RevCam's entire desk looking for it. Chandler apologizes for being late, saying that he had to deal with the extreme pain in the ass that was Jeffrey forgetting his lunch in the backseat.
Chandler and RevCam discuss candidates for vestibule-painters. RevCam wants to go with the guy who will do the wainscoting for free. Doug? Chandler asks how people manage to parent and have outside lives and jobs. Annie would probably like to know the answer to that question as well. Chandler says parenting is "too hard," to which RevCam curtly says it will work out and tries to leave. Chandler says RevCam just doesn't understand, to which RevCam gets all pissy and says that he only has seven children and a job, so maybe he's not the right guy to ask about how to juggle both things. Yeah, well, RevCam, you also have Annie, who does EVERYTHING, and you barely work as it is, so yeah, you are the wrong person to ask. Plus, you're the one who peer-pressured Chandler into getting that kid even though he said he wasn't ready for one, so either dish out the advice or just shut up entirely.
Martin and Asslee hold hands and walk down the school hallway. But looks can be deceiving, because there's trouble in teen love paradise: Martin and Asslee are mad at each other for having other commitments. Asslee works every night, and Martin has baseball practice every afternoon. Martin thinks Asslee should just skip work, to which Asslee responds that her dad doesn't treat her any differently than the other employees, so he'd fire her. Martin tells her to just call in sick. She asks him if he'd call in sick for baseball. She says he doesn't really need to practice anyway, since he's so good at it, to which Martin laughs in her face like an asshole. Also, watching a scene with these two is a lot like eating plain toast.
Ruthie and Peter exit the zoo, still complaining about getting a day off crappy school to see some fun animals like the little brats they are. Right before they're about to get on the buses, they spot a hot dog stand. Peter says the hot dogs smell good; Ruthie's surprised he can smell them when she can hardly see them. Get some glasses, Ruthie: that hot dog stand is like ten feet away. Ruthie and Peter decide to get some hot dogs, since they should have the freedom to do that and the buses never leave on time anyway. I'd just like to add that after my field trip to the sewage treatment plant, I wasn't hungry for a week, let alone immediately following its conclusion. So shut up, Ruthie and Peter.
Kevin and Roxanne walk into the Treehouse, where Lucy is "studying." Lucy's surprised to see them, to which Roxanne and Kevin explain that the Glenoak PD has a new policy that uniformed officers are being "introduced" to "other aspects" of police work, i.e. the more advanced officers had some shit work they didn't want to do, so they made a policy that got it fobbed off on idiot underlings like Kevin and Roxanne. Kevin and Roxanne bitch about what a drag their normal job is sometimes, so they're glad to do something different. Kevin PSAs that uniformed officers have an "unspoken tension." Lucy says that Kevin never seemed to mind when women were checking him out when he was in uniform. "Different kind of tension," Kevin says, all shirtless and…uh…kind of hot. I'm sorry! But it's true.
Roxanne explains that they're staking out a recently-robbed jewelry store, apparently on the hunch that the thief is as stupid as everyone else on this show and would try to rob it again. Lucy asks when Kevin will be home, to which Kevin says he doesn't know. So now Lucy starts whining about how she thought Kevin was supposed to be home early tonight so they could go grocery shopping and look at bank statements. I can't imagine why he'd try to get out of those fun-filled activities. Kevin takes off. Roxanne leans over to give Lucy a face full of neck, exposed by her low-cut sweater. It's like some kind of Amish cleavage shot. Nice try, Safe Family Viewing Patrol. Lucy gawks at the non-cleavage cleavage and says there's "nothing plain" about Roxanne's sweater. Is Lucy coming on to her? Roxanne chooses to leave before things get awkward and friendships are forever changed.
Ruthie and Peter walk back to the buses, Peter doing a ridiculously contrived backward-walk. Way to stage, director. Peter asks if all evidence of the hot dog is off his face; Ruthie says it is. But will they pick up on the "tell-tale hot dog smell?" Probably not, since I'd bet that Peter smells a lot like that all the time anyway. Ruthie looks away from Peter and raises her eyebrows in what I guess is supposed to be surprise. The buses are gone! Okay, yes, Ruthie and Peter's teachers should have been more careful with their headcounts before they left and realized that two students were missing. But really, if those two were your students, wouldn't you kind of hope for some sort of "accident" that meant you would never have to see them again? Peter starts to freak out and says he's going to get in so much trouble for missing the bus. "Am I too old to cry?" he wonders. Uh…yes. But more importantly, you're not a good enough actor to pull it off.
Ruthie suggests finding a phone and calling their parents, but Peter says he thinks they can get home on their own. He "reasons" that they're only a "couple hours away," so how hard can it be? Besides, if they can get home on their own, his parents might not know they missed their bus, and then he can avoid getting grounded "until marriage." Which is what, six months away? That's when November sweeps is, right? Plus, this will give Ruthie a chance to live that unstructured life she's been going on about wanting since this morning.
Annie's vigorous dough-rolling is interrupted by the arrival of whiny Lucy and her laundry basket. Lucy tells Annie that while Kevin is gone all night working with Roxanne, she has all this schoolwork to do, plus the laundry. "Is this what married life is all about," Lucy wonders, "years of laundry and cooking and aggravation and then you die?" "No, sometimes there's ironing," Annie says, and at first I thought she said "irony," to which I was all, "Yeah, Annie! Stick it to your whiny-ass loser daughter!" But, no. Also, Lucy? Even if you weren't married, you'd still have to do laundry just like any other full-time college student, most of whom don't have their parents' house to do it in. Annie tries to point out that Kevin does as much laundry as she does, and neither of them ever cooks, to which Lucy says it's just not fair whine whine whine whiiiiiiine. To shut her up, Annie introduces the concept of possessiveness of Kevin and jealousy of Roxanne back into Lucy's tiny brain, like, thanks a lot, Annie. That's just what I need. Lucy says this has nothing to do with Roxanne and Kevin working together, then starts whining again about all the work she has to do. Annie sees that the only way to make the madness end is to do Lucy's work for her, so she volunteers to do her laundry. Lucy tosses the laundry basket into Annie's arms, but turns down Annie's invitation to help her make a pecan pie. I hate Lucy.
Outside "Jewelry Mart," Kevin and Roxanne are all excited about their first stakeout. They love their patrol jobs, but all that driving and paperwork starts to get tedious. Apparently, they have paperwork "up the kazoo," as Kevin so ridiculously puts it. Yes, "kazoo," because apparently, the correct ending to this colloquialism, "wazoo," is considered too risqué in light of the FCC crackdown on vulgarity. Kevin says that even a ticket for jaywalking means he has to do a ton of paperwork. Hey, maybe you shouldn't give out tickets for jaywalking, then, asshole. Soon, it's very apparent that Kevin and Roxanne are bored with their newest assignment because they're stupid babies.
Ruthie and Peter disembark from a city bus. Apparently, they just took the wrong bus and now they're fighting. Ruthie thinks they should call home. Peter says all they have to do is get to the train station and then they'll be fine. Ruthie doesn't think they'll have enough money for train tickets now that they've spent some of it on buses. Peter says they can get a student rate, or beg for money to make up the difference. Ruthie says she's not "hopping a freighter." Although it would be kind of cool if she did and then there was a whole thirties hobo arc season. Ruthie and Peter decide to keep trying and walk away, as the Soprano Saxophone of Lost Children plays.
Mac and Martin are in the locker room, talking about the recently concluded baseball practice. Apparently, it involved "balls bouncing off of [Martin]." Ewww. Mac says that Martin may have sucked today, but he was a lot of fun to watch. Like when threw the baseball and it hit the equipment manager "in the butt." I'm sorry, shouldn't that be "in the kazoo"? Colin Powell's son just fined Mac half a million dollars. Martin says he had trouble concentrating because he was thinking about his fight with Asslee. Coach Asshole walks up and yells at Martin to start focusing and spend less time with "the girls." Asshole tells Martin not to "screw up" because the "beer leagues" are filled with guys who have a lot of talent, but are fat and have bad attitudes. I'll leave it to Sars to confirm or deny this statement. ["Fat, sometimes. Talent and bad attitudes? Not so much." -- Sars] Asshole leaves, and Mac sits to Martin, who says this is all Asslee's fault. Mac says the beer leagues sound fine to him. Go for it, Mac. Dare to dream!
Chandler picks Jeffrey up from school and offers to get him some ice cream. Wait -- Mac and Martin are already finished with both school AND baseball practice, and Jeffrey's school is just getting out? Is it too much to ask that the writers keep some kind of consistent temporal reality? Oh, what am I saying: it's probably too much to ask the writers to stop flinging poo at each other during their meetings. Jeffrey has a message from his teacher: apparently, Jeffrey didn't do all his homework last night. Jeffrey says this is partly Chandler's fault, because if Chandler had just done his homework for him, it would have all been finished. Seriously, Chandler? If you kill the kid, I won't tell anyone. You can get away with it. Do it. Jeffrey says that parents always do their kids' homework for them. Is that some Brenda-ism about today's public education or something? Shut up, Brenda. Chandler whines that he has too much work of his own to help Jeffrey with his. Jeffrey lays the "I thought you were going to be different!" guilt trip on him, so Chandler agrees to help him out with the homework, then walks him back to the car. Jeffrey asks what happened to the ice cream. Chandler says they have too much homework to do to worry about ice cream. Ha!
Back in the kitchen, which appears to be the only CamPound set in operation this week, Annie tells RevCam that she's worried about Ruthie, and has a "bad feeling" that something happened to her. Wait, RevCam's back from work already? It's three o'clock! Annie wants RevCam to call the school, to which RevCam says that he shouldn't have to do anything, since Annie's the one who's worried. Annie says that she can't call anyone because she's in the middle of making dinner and she "still hasn't bathed the twins." And by "still," I'm assuming she means "since they were born." RevCam says that he's too busy too, because in the oven of his mind, all the racks are full. He indicates these "racks" with a series of wild gesticulations, like, ease up on the coffee, Stephen Collins. RevCam tries to retire to the home office to write his sermon when the phone rings. It's the school -- and Ruthie's missing! She never came home from the field trip! Dun dun dunnnnnn!
Ruthie and Peter get off a bus, and they still can't find the train station because they don't know how to read a map, because why would anyone at the tender age of FOURTEEN be able to master such a skill? Ruthie's hungry, but they don't have any money. Peter does have a single raisin, but Ruthie doesn't want it. In fact, she makes a pretty hilarious disgusted expression when he offers it to her. Disgusted expressions and annoyed eye-rolls are becoming Mackenzie Rosman's forte. Ruthie says she's done with this and they have to ask for help. They see two guys approaching, and Ruthie suggests asking them. "I…don't know, Ruthie," Peter says, and there's been some discussion in the forums over whether or not Peter was hesitant because the two men were strangers, or because they were black. I'm pretty sure it was supposed to be the former, but it should have been made a lot clearer, because it really did look like Peter was being racist, and not for the first time. Ruthie walks up to the two guys and introduces herself like a six-year-old might: "Hi! I'm Ruthie, and this is my friend Peter. We're from Glenoak. And we're lost." They respond: "I'm Jacob, and this is Nicodemus. We are from Sudan, and they call us The Lost Boys." Ruthie stares at them blankly and waits for the scene to fade out, while the piano and flute tell us that this is about to become a Very Special Episode.
The phone rings. RevCam rushes to answer it. Annie bravely tries not to cry over the fact that her fourteen-year-old daughter missed the bus. People need to get a grip here. Ruthie, on a cell phone, tells her dad that she's "somewhere near the zoo." They went on five buses, and they're still near the zoo? Idiots. Ruthie says they're with "the Lost Boys." RevCam tells Ruthie to put one of them on the phone. Nicodemus is the unlucky one who gets it. RevCam thanks him for taking care of Ruthie and Peter, then asks him to stay with them until he gets there. Nicodemus is all, "Of course!" because he probably doesn't know that RevCam lives a couple hours away. Then RevCam actually has the nerve to hang up on him. One thing he never did was ask who the Lost Boys are, apparently just assuming that they're part of the group of refugees from Sudan and not two crazy guys who think they live in a Peter Pan world, or vampires from the eighties, or even two guys pretending to be the Sudanese Lost Boys in order to abduct whoever is stupid enough to entrust their children to them. And even though RevCam was ultimately correct, how does he know that these guys are safe? Just because they went through, like, the worst childhood ever, doesn't mean they're decent guys.
Annie asks what's going on, but RevCam says it's "too complicated" to explain right now, and leaves. Since I very much doubt that Nicodemus was able to give RevCam much more than an address in the three seconds he was allotted to relay the information to RevCam, he probably should have at least looked up the address on Mapquest to find out how to get there, especially considering that it's two hours away and almost definitely unknown territory. After RevCam leaves, Annie stands in front of the kitchen table, hands clasped in prayer, and stares at the ceiling. I think she's praying for a quick end to this scene.
Now it's nighttime, and the Lost Boys are still stuck with the Stupid Kids. Ruthie tells her powerful tale of having to walk all over town to catch five buses, and virtually starving after having only a hot dog for sustenance. Nicodemus offers his food to them, to which Ruthie insincerely says she just couldn't and Peter says they definitely could. And so they do. They take the Lost Boys' food. Ruthie asks if they are homesick. I'll bet they are, NOW. Peter asks why left. Because they were "rescued by America." And then royally screwed over by it when they were offered the chance to appear on this show.
Annie pours a crapload of vegetables into the sink. I guess that's the stew's secret ingredient; simmer in sink water for one hour. Lucy comes in to apologize. But not to Annie; to Kevin. After a while, Lucy finally manages to look beyond herself and asks Annie if her stricken expression means there's anything wrong. Annie says that Ruthie missed her bus and then the world ended, which would almost qualify how ridiculously sad she looks. After Annie's done talking about her problems, Lucy gets the conversation back to what's most important: Lucy. She has the brilliant idea of going to Kevin and Roxanne's stakeout and bringing them the pecan pie Annie made for dinner. Because that wouldn't bring unwanted attention to Kevin and Roxanne at all. Annie almost grows a spine and refuses to give her the pie, since she made it for dessert and Lucy didn't even so much as help her, but then agrees. "It's for a good cause, you can take it," she doormats.
Asslee calls Martin from work. She apologizes for "snapping" at him earlier. Martin doesn't exactly apologize back, although he does admit he may have "said some things." Thanks, Martin. As he's telling Asslee how much he misses her sometimes, Asslee's Frog Daddy spots her, so she has to hang up on Martin.
Chandler and Jeffrey talk math. Maybe Jeffrey will learn something about when the mass of his bouffant will soon be greater than what his neck can support, thus forcing his head downwards at a velocity at which his neck would break instantly. Maybe then he'll get a haircut. Jeffrey bitches about school and how the lighting in his classroom is so bad he can barely see. As Jeffrey says this, they cut to wide shot of the entire living room, which contains no less than three operating lamps but is still dark as hell. Does everyone in Glenoak buy twenty-watt light bulbs or something? When Jeffrey starts complaining that his pencil is too dull, Chandler gets pissed and yells at him that school is his job and he needs to do it, and no more excuses. Jeffrey stares at him, looking bemused, although I think he's supposed to be, like, scared but also learning an important lesson. ["Here some math for you, Jeffrey: a pencil sharpener costs, like, seventy-nine cents. Furthermore, shut up. I hate that goddamn kid." -- Sars] As he gets to work, Chandler yells, "And you weren't the only one that wanted ice cream today!" I do not doubt the veracity of those words.
Peter comments that the oranges Jacob and Nicodemus gave them are good. "Are they from Africa?" he asks. Yes, Peter, they're from fucking Africa. While Jacob and Nicodemus were walking around the continent and starving to death, they saved a stash of oranges, knowing that they would wind up in America in ten years and be glad to have food from home to assuage their homesickness. By the way, Brenda, way to take a huge continent full of very diverse people and put them under the umbrella term of "Africa," you ignorant cow. Nicodemus, looking not too amused, responds that the oranges are, in fact, from the supermarket he works in when he's not in school or taking care of stupid children. Ruthie asks why they're called "The Lost Boys," like, I think the time to ask that question was maybe a few hours ago when you first met them, so now it's just awkward. Jacob explains, to the tune of the Sad Piano of Touching Stories, that their villages were ravaged by war and that he, Nicodemus, and many other children escaped. Like their Peter Pan namesakes, they all looked after each other as they walked across Sudan, to Ethiopia, then back to Sudan, and finally to Kenya, where they were placed in refugee camps. Their trip was very dangerous, and over half of them died either on the way or in the refugee camps, where conditions weren't necessarily much better. From there, some of them were brought to America, where they have gotten educations and jobs. "We are very, very lucky," Jacob says, as the Flute of Lessons Learned plays at top volume.
Asslee's mopping, and I am terrified that this will result in a half-assed dance number. Martin enters and walks all over the newly-cleaned floor to tell Asslee that he misses her, but he's under a lot of pressure, what with worrying about his dad in Iraq, living with the Camdens, worrying about his dad in Iraq, trying to get that baseball scholarship, and worrying about his dad in Iraq. Asslee says that's cool, but she's under a lot of pressure too. Before she can go into details, her dad walks in and tells Martin that if he's not here to work, he needs to go. Mr. Smith says he likes to be thought of as a "cool dad," but when the work doesn't get done, he becomes an "uncool dad." Don't worry, Mr. Smith: your uncoolness is readily apparent. You may want to work a little harder on the "cool" part, however.
Martin takes off, and Asslee tells her dad that he wasn't being fair. Mr. Smith says it's not fair that he pays Asslee to talk to her boyfriend. Oh, for crying out loud, she was talking to him for like five seconds. Give her a break. Why am I defending Asslee? Especially when she says stupid crap about how "most girls" her age "don't have to work." Did I miss something when I was seventeen, because I sure as hell was working then, as were the rest of my female friends. ["Me too, and I had been for seven years. Shut up, Asslee. And Brenda." -- Sars] Asslee says that not everyone has to work with their parents either, like, get a job on the Promenade, then. Mr. Smith says that there are kids in her school who would "kill" for the chance to clean toilets, which I find very hard to believe. I guess everyone in that family is ridiculous. He tells Asslee that if she's having a problem with the job, she can file a complaint with her supervisor. Asslee says that he is her supervisor. "D'oh!" says Mr. Smith. Seriously, he said "d'oh." That was cool.
Ruthie gives Jacob and Nicodemus goodbye hugs while Peter brings himself to give them a weak "see ya" and a handshake. RevCam says he can't thank them enough; Nicodemus claims it was their pleasure. RevCam offers them money, which is really, really insulting. They refuse it because they have jobs and they like to work for their money, although I'll contend that being in Ruthie's vicinity for even one second qualifies as "labor" at the very least. RevCam asks if there's anything he can do. They say he can pray for peace in their country and an end to slavery, because this wasn't really mentioned in the show, but slavery is still a big problem in Sudan, and one of the things the Lost Boys were escaping from. RevCam's all, "Pray? What's that?"
Roxanne and Kevin are still on their thrilling stakeout. Roxanne asks Kevin if she can ask him something "very personal." Kevin says that Roxanne, in her WHORE-like ways, has never had a problem asking him very personal things. So Roxanne asks the "very personal" question. It concerns Kevin's kazoo, and whether or not it hurts. Kevin says it does, as does his neck. Suddenly, Roxanne's foot falls asleep, and she acts like that's the worst affliction to befall anyone, ever. Kevin offers to massage her foot if she massages his neck. "Are we allowed to do that?" Roxanne asks. Kevin says they must; if they suddenly have to chase a "perp" (yes, he said "perp," and I'm still laughing at him), they're in no condition to do it. So Kevin starts to massage Roxanne's foot through her smelly sock. Of course, here comes Lucy with the pie. Roxanne puts her hand back, closes her eyes, and moans in ecstasy because she really, really enjoys foot massages. Lucy sees the two, is instantly enraged, and tells them off. She concludes by smearing the pecan pie her mother worked on all day all over the windshield and leaving. Suddenly, some old guy walks up and sends them home. Who is he, and what has he done with Captain Michaels?
Annie serves her stew to the twins, who refuse to eat it since "stew" rhymes with "poo." Kevin and Lucy storm in, yelling at each other. Lucy says that she's never seen a foot massage on NYPD Blue, and she's been watching that show for years. Um…no she hasn't. Lucy has never seen that show. It's on after her bedtime, and filthy besides. She leaves without having any stew. Annie asks Kevin about the pie; he says he didn't eat any, since it was all up on his windshield. Annie hears the front door open, and thanks God that RevCam and Ruthie are home. She tells the twins to not try to feed the stew to Happy, because Happy doesn't like "people food." "Neither do I," says Vid, who's still cool.
Annie bounds into the CamFoyer and hugs Ruthie. Ruthie tells Annie that she just heard a "horrible" and "wonderful" story, one that RevCam will be sharing with everyone in church this week. I guess when RevCam can't think of anything to write for his sermon, he just rips off other people. Annie says she loves Ruthie's "rescuers." Then Ruthie says they're named Jacob and Nicodemus, and they live in a small apartment with seven other "Lost Boys." Now Annie is confused; RevCam says he'll explain later. Annie sends Ruthie to the kitchen so she and her husband can engage in a heated bout of shoulder-grabbing. RevCam tells Annie that he really loves her, even though he doesn't show it. Like, ever. He says he's really blessed, although he doesn't always remember that, even though he's a minister and THAT IS PRETTY MUCH HIS JOB.
The phone rings; it's Chandler. He's calling to thank RevCam for "covering" for him while he was taking care of Jeffrey. RevCam says he "hardly noticed" Chandler absences, then says that he totally did notice, like, way to be an asshole, RevCam. Can't you just take a thank you without turning it into a big opportunity for martyrdom? Chandler says he's been feeling "out of control" lately, so he needs to just take a deep breath, pull the car over, and scream at his girlfriend and vandalize her phone until the police arrive. He also says that he needs to do a better job of following RevCam's shining example. Suddenly, Annie comes up with a spoon full of stew and starts trying to shove it in RevCam's mouth while he's on the phone, which is really annoying and rude. RevCam tries to avoid Annie's stew and says that Chandler will really like his upcoming Sunday sermon. Chandler doesn't think he can make it, because he has to take Jeffrey out. Then he remembers that Sunday sermons are usually delivered on Sundays, at his place of employment, and says he'll be there. Whatever. RevCam finally eats that stupid stew and grunts his approval of it.
Hey, there's black people in the Glenoak Community Church! What's going on? Oh, they're the Lost Boys, visiting to hear RevCam's sermon. And even though they're the special guests, they still don't get to sit in the front, because the first two rows are reserved for the Camdens and their Camfriends. Unbelievable. RevCam says that sometimes people get "bogged down" in their own little problems -- for example, when he had to pick up the dry cleaning. The Lost Boys have the decency to not laugh in his face when he says this. But then RevCam met the Lost Boys, and by looking at their lives, he realized that his own was superior. And even though they've been through all kinds of terrible, "there is such a sweet sense of joy and optimism about them." RevCam leaves us with a quote from Jacob: "I may called a 'Lost Boy,' but I was never lost to God." He was, apparently, lost to Brenda Hampton, who just made him and the rest of the Lost Boys look like innocent little man-children who no longer have a care in the world, now that they're in the loving embrace of America.
Photo montage time! Black and white pictures of the Lost Boys, looking hungry and miserable in the refugee camps. Then there's an abrupt and completely unskilled edit to happier music and color pictures of the Lost Boys in America. Graduating from college, hanging out, looking around, and sitting in Glenoak Community Church in front of Lucy, who appears to be asleep.
Please don't let this episode be your only source of information about the Lost Boys. Call 1-866-860-2532 or visit www.lostboysofsudan.com to learn more, and in a way that won't be so overtly racist and preachy.