Peter talks to some nerdy kids about meeting up with them later tonight. I don't think the kids are supposed to be nerds, though, as one of them is wearing a shirt with a dragon on it to advertise his bad-ass-ity. When Ruthie walks up, they beat a hasty, and understandable, retreat. "See ya, Pete," they say. "'Pete'?" Ruthie asks, all mad that her boyfriend has shortened his name by one letter. Ruthie's emulation of her adopted mother's behavior adds credence to the nurture-over-nature argument. Meanwhile, what the hell is up with the other kids in the school hallway? Some of them look like they're five years old, and others look about twenty. Peter says he does actually have friends other than her, which is news to me, and that he won't be coming over to help her baby-sit tonight. He has to spend time with his dad. Ruthie is pissed: "This is the first time I'm officially babysitting [pause that is long enough for me to be able to go to the fridge to get some yogurt] the twins by myself. It's two on one. I need you [even longer pause that enables me to drive to the grocery store, buy some more yogurt, and come back] there to even out the odds of it." Peter says he sorry, but his dad really wants to spend time with him.
Chandler walks into a school office and asks why he was called in and if anything bad happened to Jeffrey. Do I detect a certain amount of hope in his voice? Jeffrey walks in and says there's nothing wrong; Chandler was supposed to pick him up. Chandler was not informed about this. He also had no idea, as it turns out, that Jeffrey's grandma is in the hospital, so Jeffrey is staying with him tonight. Way to keep your guardians abreast, Jeff. Chandler's annoyed now, because not only did nothing bad happen to Jeffrey, thus releasing him from his obligation to adopt the little bitch, but now he also has to spend the whole night with him. Jeffrey says if he doesn't get some food soon, there could be an emergency. Adorable.
Today's Opening Credits Timewaster starts off with Annie making a weird facial expression as she writes something down. RevCam enters the kitchen and opens the fridge to reveal no less than three half-gallon containers of milk and a tiny jar of mayonnaise, the Breakfast of White Champions. And with economizing like that, it's no wonder they can't afford that down payment. RevCam skulks around the kitchen. I guess now that all his kids are out of the house, he's been reduced to stalking the lettuce. Annie is still preoccupied with her very attractive impersonation of one of the higher order primates, so RevCam grabs a tiny container of (vanilla, of course) ice cream out of the freezer. He's about to eat his first spoonful when Annie comes out of nowhere to stop him. RevCam whines that he just wanted a snack before they left for dinner at a new neighbor's house. Annie's having none of that and tells RevCam that he's not even supposed to have ice cream. This scene confused my mother:
Sara Mom: What is Annie's problem with RevCam eating ice cream?
Sara M: He isn't supposed to have any because of all his heart attacks.
Sara Mom: Oh. Well, I think Annie's eating enough for both of them.
You know your parents love you when they watch 7th Heaven just to understand your recaps. RevCam worries about leaving Ruthie alone with the twins. As well he should be -- I'm sure she'll perform some type of satanic ritual on them, with deadly consequences. Actually, it turns out that RevCam isn't worried about the twins at all; he just doesn't want to go to the dinner party. I must say I'm shocked that RevCam could be so selfish. Oh, wait: I'm totally not, at all. Through clenched teeth, Annie lectures her husband that they're going to the dinner, and that Ruthie should have more responsibility. Ruthie hears that and takes it as a compliment, when all it really is is a license for Annie to make her do more unpleasant household chores.
RevCam and Annie say they're new to letting Ruthie baby-sit. Except not at all, since it was only last week that Ruthie was complaining that she should get the Treehouse because she watches the twins so often. Annie gives Ruthie the phone number of every single person in Glenoak, as well as those of Matt, Mary, and Simon. Yeah, because if some emergency happened, Ruthie should definitely call one of her siblings who's too far away to do anything about it. RevCam gives her money for pizza. Ruthie says everything will be fine, and physically shoves RevCam and Annie out the door. She says Peter might come over later to help. RevCam and Annie worry that this could lead to making out, something they weren't quite as concerned with when they freaking let Peter sleep over a few months ago, so Annie tells Ruthie to be sure to "keep everything downstairs and in the presence of your brothers." Because it's never too early to impress upon children the importance of physical relationships. And thanks, CamRents, for getting a mental picture of Ruthie and Peter making out stuck in my head.
Jeffrey holds the door open for Chandler as he enters loaded down with grocery bags. Jeffrey demands dinner; Chandler says he'll get started on that as soon as the groceries are put away. So Jeffrey yells at him for not going fast enough with the groceries. I would have booted him out of the house right then and there, but Chandler just puts him to work putting away the groceries. Except that Jeffrey can't reach the shelves, so he's just useless.
Lucy and Kevin get all dressed up and talk about how today is their first anniversary. Which, according to Lucy, means that now, when they're getting ready to go out to dinner to celebrate, is the perfect time to start discussing the weighty issue of their future. She's inspired because she was "reading this book." "What did I tell you about that?" Kevin says, warningly, because when the little woman reads, she gets all kinds of ideas about liberation. It turns out that Kevin doesn't have a problem with Lucy reading in general, just her reading self-help books. He makes a speech about how self-help books are wrong, which is odd, since I'd wager that Brenda has read more than a few of those in her long lifetime. Lucy says that this self-help book is a good one, because it tells them to make a "five-year plan" for their future. As someone on the forums pointed out, Stalin had a five-year plan, too. Lucy says she just wants to think about where they'll be living and if they'll have children. Kevin says they've already talked about the kids issue ad nauseam: whenever she wants them is fine, as long as she's a college graduate. So it's not really whenever Lucy wants them, it's when Lucy wants them and has overcome whatever obstacles her husband has placed in front of her. Kevin says he wants to forget about tomorrow right now, and go celebrate their anniversary.
“ RevCam whines that the Johnsons probably invited them over to ask for his advice on some stupid problem. Yeah, God forbid that RevCam should DO HIS JOB and counsel his parishioners. ”
Asslee waits for Martin as he exits the lockers, post-baseball game. His teammates all look about thirty years old. Between them and those toddlers attending Ruthie's school, Glenoak's got quite the student age range. Martin notices that Asslee's pout is slightly different than usual, and asks her what's wrong. She says she's starting to think about college and how, even if she goes to one of the closer schools that accepted her, she'll probably be "too busy" to see Martin. Um, when did Asslee apply to schools? More importantly, when did she learn how to write? Asslee says she hasn't made up her mind about which school she'll be attending, although she'd better pretty soon, since I'm pretty sure there are deadlines for those things. And that they've already come and gone. ["Seriously. Only on TV do people decide which college to attend on, like, Labor Day." -- Sars] Asslee says she doesn't think it would be smart to stick around Glenoak for Martin because his dad could come back anytime and get transferred to another base. And how selfish of Martin to expect Asslee to stay in town when he may not, even though Martin wasn't really expecting anything or even thinking about this until now. Martin says he needs to take a shower, because being around Asslee does tend to instill that urge. I know my water bill spikes every Monday.
Jeffrey watches a television show from the fifties and lectures Chandler about his vegetable and fungi preferences. He's all put out because there won't be any mushrooms with dinner, although he really could have just gotten some when they were at the grocery store, so, shut up, Jeffrey. And cut your hair. Jeffrey helps himself to a juice box in the fridge, whereupon he discovers the theme of this episode: alcohol. Jeffrey's all pissy that Chandler, a legal adult, would dare have wine in his own home. Apparently, Chandler promised Jeffrey his home would be alcohol-free, but then took absolutely no measures to make this happen. His punishment is our punishment: Jeffrey nags him until he dumps the wine down the sink.
RevCam and Annie walk to the house while RevCam tries to think up excuses to avoid the dinner party. What a rude git to be talking about that in a loud voice in front of the home of the people who kindly invited him over for dinner. RevCam and Annie continue to talk as they walk up to the house, and either these people have the longest driveway ever or RevCam stupidly parked down the street. RevCam whines that the Johnsons probably invited them over to ask for his advice on some stupid problem. Yeah, God forbid that RevCam should DO HIS JOB and counsel his parishioners. He's also worried that Ruthie is going to kill his young sons. No sooner does Mr. Johnson answer the door than he's asking them for help. RevCam and Annie look at each other. "At least Ruthie's fine," says Annie, with surprisingly good timing and delivery.