Special shout-out to Tommy Jo, who so kindly sent me a copy of this episode after I missed it, "accidentally." Thanks, Tommy Jo. Now I can never say that I've never posted on the internet my desire to have an episode of 7th Heaven actually mailed to me. You just know it's going to come up, too.
RevCam and Annie are actually giving Martin a tour of the house that he's already spent so much time in, and when he points out that he's seen, for instance, the kitchen before, Annie says something inane about how now it's his kitchen, and for some reason, she feels the need to remind him that it's only until his aunt comes back from New York or his dad comes back from Iraq. She also says that if there's any food he wants, she'll get it from him. He says, "I'll eat anything," which I'm sure Cecilia appreciates. He gets mildly snarky about their pointing out where the dining room and such are, and he admits he doesn't know why there's only one bathroom in a house this big, and RevCam and Annie tell him that there are in fact three bathrooms, and he admits that he did not know that, and all I can say is that the frigging A-plot for this episode better not be "Martin learns the CamPound has three bathrooms," because the despair that was the result of my first exposure to 7th Heaven has by now melted into white-hot rage. Martin says something nice along the lines of how Annie and RevCam don't have to make him feel at home, because they've been doing that since the day they met him. But I've got baseball practice in an hour, so can you show me where I can unpack my shit? Oh, and it's cool if Cecilia stays over, right?
So they trudge upstairs as the clock slowly ticks away towards the eventual end of this episode. Upstairs, they encounter Ruthie, which is not unlike suddenly encountering Gollum, and she welcomes Martin to "Casa Camden," and wants to know if she's supposed to treat Martin like a brother or a boarder, and Martin wants to know what the difference is, and...oh, fuck this. I mean, really. It's supposed to be kind of cute and funny, but it just leaves me feeling vaguely unsettled, which always happens when Ruthie's on screen. Anyway, Martin's all, "I can take it from here. And don't touch my stuff!" and wanders off to check out his cell...I mean, "room," and Annie and RevCam (especially Annie) start to fret over taking Martin, this well-behaved likable youngster, into their homes. Maybe they saw the promos before the show that called Martin a "rebellious teenager" with the clips of him telling off RevCam.
Seeeeeventh Heaven! When I see their happy faces smiling back at me.... You know those Bud Light commercials with that hilariously overwrought guy singing songs to guys who wear too much cologne and really bad toupees? Is that who sang the song on the opening credits? Sounds like his work.
“ Of course Ruthie wants to go, since Suzanne Rogers's parties are 'legendary,' like, I don't know what goes on at these parties, but when I was their age, the wildest thing that I remember happening at a party was getting to see Brandy McGee's bra strap, which was... well, if I'm being honest, pretty frickin' amazing. ”
Baseball practice. Sweet! A montage! That'll eat up some time. Martin appears to have actually played baseball before, which was nice to see. Nothing's worse than actors whose characters are supposedly athletes when it's obvious they've never picked up a basketball in their child-actor lives. This baseball-practice interlude goes on long enough that normally I'd be saying, "Okay, we get it," but I'm grateful for the relief from the "acting" and "dialogue" and "people" on this show. And it made me temporarily forget that Opening Day is still almost two months away (of course, each day that passes is another day closer to the day the Expos leave Montreal, which I am not looking forward to. Fortunately, I've made the bold move of declaring my allegiance by way of an Expos licence plate attached to my front bumper. Just a little thing that tells people...well, that I cheer for the Expos, I guess). So the coach orders a water break, and then he wanders over to talk to some suit through the fence. The players wonder whom he's talking to, speculating that it's the coach of an opposing team (rejected because it's too early in the season for coaches to be checking out the other teams), and finally they decide it's a scout, and assume that the scout must be checking out one of the seniors. Yeah, probably, after the extended "Martin as Derek Jeter" montage we just saw, and the extended "Martin gazes in the scout's direction" scene we're getting now. You know, if Martin is good enough to attract a scout's attention, you'd think his teammates would know he's good and not assume the scout is there for a senior, wouldn't you?
Peter's waiting for Ruthie in the CamPound yard. "I was waiting for you," he tells her for some reason, since it's rather obvious he's waiting (and let it be known he delivers his line only after she hits her mark, so she walks in the front yard and they stare at each other for a few moments before he speaks). And in case Peter's having trouble unraveling the mystery of just why Ruthie has Happy on a leash, she tells him she was walking Happy. Thanks for that! He says, "We're invited," only Ruthie has no idea where to, and he has to tell her that it's to "Suzanne Rogers's" party, which is a "couples'" party, like what are they, seven years old? year, they go to a key party! And Peter's incredulous that Ruthie doesn't know what he's talking about, and then she says she was just fooling and of course she wants to go, since Suzanne Rogers's parties are "legendary," like, I don't know what goes on at these parties, but when I was their age, the wildest thing that I remember happening at a party was getting to see Brandy McGee's bra strap, which was...well, if I'm being honest, pretty frickin' amazing. So Peter says he told his mom that they had Annie's permission to go to the party, so she gave the OK -- Peter's logic is that this won't be a lie once Annie gives the OK. Ruthie thinks that might be a problem, since her parents don't know Suzanne or Suzanne's parents. "So what?" says Peter, rather harshly. I mean, he felt the need to lie to his mom, so you'd think he might understand why Ruthie's parents might be even tougher. Peter laughingly asks Ruthie if maybe her parents might bend the rules just this once. Ruthie's all nuh-uh. But don't worry, she says, they're going to this party: "We're just going to need a little help." Peter just looks at Ruthie, no doubt as intrigued as I am to find out what hare-brained scheme Ruthie might be cooking up.