This week's tasteless assault on the mind begins with the usual wacky lead-in promo. As always, it is far more entertaining than the show itself. The announcer gets to deliver this great line: "For the Camden men...the trouble is women." Okay, true, but that's just a drop in the bucket when you consider all their other problems. After all, there's the bad hair, the offensive story lines, the crappy dialogue. Come on, Camdens! The first step to solving these problems is owning up to them.
The episode proper starts off with an establishing shot of the Camdens' swanky billion-dollar home. You know, I've never noticed this before, but the house has two little dormer windows that kind of look like eyes. Should I be surprised that even the house looks like it's spying on people? Probably not. Inside, Annie is taking some sort of pie out of the oven. As she pulls off a bit of the crust and nibbles on it, she smiles as though she's doing something exceedingly naughty. I must have nodded off in Sunday school during the part where they were explaining why the eating of pie crust is a sin. Maybe it's just that a man should always have first crack at anything that comes out of the oven. Lucy comes into the kitchen, looking for Eric. She claims she needs him to help her friend. Frankly, I wasn't aware that she had any -- friends, that is. The Tertiary Characters In Need who show up every so often to receive bad advice from RevCam aren't exactly what I would call "friends." Lucy heads Annie off at the pass by mentioning that her "friend" probably doesn't want anyone else knowing that she needs help. SuperMom feigns a lack of interest in Lucy's friend's problem, which confuses Lucy a lot. I prefer to think of that as a special shout-out to the posters and staff here at MBTV, since I honestly don't think the type of viewer who claims that this show is a hotbed of exemplary family values would get the joke.
Serena shows up at RevCam's church. She is Lucy's friend's mother from a few shows back, and she's here to get some counseling. Just the fact that she thinks RevCam could help her tells us there definitely is something seriously wrong with her. She makes a huge production number out of removing her coat and proclaiming her nervousness. An attempt is made to invest this scene with some drama by having Serena tell Eric that if she doesn't change her life, she will lose her daughter. That silence you're hearing is the sound of viewers everywhere not giving a shit about Serena or her boring daughter.
John, on the other hand, cares deeply and passionately about other people's affairs. Right now he's getting into Dopey's business, trying to find out who Dopey is dating. Matt won't tell him unless John promises not to tell anyone -- not even that annoying Priscilla. No go. John insists that he shares all his secrets with Priscilla. I wonder if they teach him to do that at his Promise Keepers meetings. Dopey astounds me when he displays some intelligence by not sharing with John, on the grounds that his secret is none of Priscilla's business. Of course, given Dopey's predilection for snooping, this also makes him something of a hypocrite. Oh well, it's not like it's the first time someone's been hypocritical on this show. I've pretty much stopped being shocked by that. Dopey says something about leaving to help Robbie pick up his car. John is surprised at how friendly Dopey is being toward Robbie, but he's interrupted by the arrival of the great man himself. The Amazing Robbie explains that he doesn't need help after all, so John invites him to sit down. Matt won't let him, though. I think this is supposed to be comical and that it has something to do with Dopey dating Cheryl. The only problem is that I can't figure out what this could possibly have to do with Dopey dating Cheryl. Oh, and the fact that it couldn't be further from comical is a given, right?
Ruthie's still sporting her straightened hair as she comes into the kitchen for her first plot-facilitating scene of the evening. She asks about dinner, which gives Annie the excuse to check up on RevCam without actually calling him herself. She dials his number and passes the phone to Ruthie. Eric's busy yukking it up with Serena. Maybe they've been watching actual good shows that, unlike this one, do comedy well. Eric says he will be home in half an hour. For no apparent reason, Serena ostentatiously fake-laughs at that. Also for no apparent reason, Annie shoots Ruthie a disturbed look. Ruthie hangs up and informs SuperMom that Eric will be late and that he is laughing with some woman. Annie smiles in a creepy way that shows she's about to lose control of her sanity. Could doom be descending upon the Camdens? Will the family be torn apart by tragedy?
Oh, look -- Subway has two new kinds of bread for their subs. Cool.
This week's opening-credits filler consists of a lengthy scene involving nothing but Annie washing dishes. Okay, I lied. She rinses them off, too. This may actually be the dullest thing ever shown on 7th Heaven. Well, except for all those scenes where the CamRents used to talk about Mary and her downward spiraling. It's so dull, it's almost like experimental theatre. Just when I'm imagining that ennui has driven every viewer but your humble recapper here to switch over to the Discovery Channel's documentary on dust mites, the director finally tells RevCam to come in. He apologizes to Annie for being so late and explains that he's helping Serena. This sends Annie off into forced gales of psycho laughter. She goes on to humiliate women everywhere by pitching a jealous fit, telling RevCam that she's not comfortable with him "flirting" with a single woman alone in his office. He reassures Annie that he's not interested in Serena, but Annie doesn't care. She rants on that RevCam never notices when women are flirting with him. That's it -- I'm going to call my husband right now and make him quit his job. I've long suspected that there are a few single women in his company, and because all single women spend most of their time trying to snare a husband, I'm sure those women are after my defenseless man. But I'll be damned if I give them the chance to laugh with him. Oh yes, I'll have the last laugh when I tell my husband I won't let him do his job anymore. Golly, I'm just glad I have such a great role model in Annie. Why, I never would have thought like this if I hadn't learned such wonderful moral values from watching 7th Heaven. Thanks, producers, keep up the good work! RevCam tries to appease Annie by telling her he will refer Serena to someone else for counseling, but StupidMom is still mad. When he asks her if his dinner is in the oven, she says no and storms off.
Simon walks into the kitchen with Happy. The writers abandon any attempt to make the dialogue sound natural and unforced as they have Eric whiningly ask about dinner and Simon describing it in great detail. What we learn from this -- other than how not to write dialogue -- is that Annie encouraged everyone to have seconds and not save any food for RevCam. RevCam leaves to grab a burger. As he walks out the door, he hangs his head. I feel his pain. I'd be embarrassed too if I'd just acted in a scene like this one.
In the CamKitchen, Dopey and Simon have a good old-fashioned gossip session. Matt asks why RevCam wasn't at dinner, but Simon doesn't know. , Dopey wants to know all about Simon and Sasha's break-up. In return, he tells Simon that Annie's been socializing with Sasha's mom. Ruthie joins them to explain that RevCam had been laughing with a woman in his office earlier. Strangely enough, the trio don't speculate on that ad nauseam. Instead, Dopey tries to hustle Simon and Ruthie out of the room, patronizingly telling them to "run along and go to bed now." His hair looks disconcertingly like John Ritter's circa Three's Company. Ruthie and Simon refuse to leave. They want to know why Dopey's trying to get them to leave. This results in one of those vile, nonsensical speeches Dopey makes when he's lying about something but isn't bright enough to cover it up properly. He's speaking English, but it might as well be Russian, because I don't understand what the hell he's trying to say. Simon understands, though, that Dopey wants to make a phone call in private, and he points out that Matt doesn't need to make his call from the kitchen; the cordless phone he's been holding throughout the scene should work from anywhere in the house. Dopey is overjoyed to learn this, and he happily points at the phone before trotting off to make his call. Ruthie speculates as to why Matt wants to make a call in private, but she's cut off by Simon, who warns her not to snoop. That can't be right. I replay the tape, and sure enough, Simon is telling Ruthie to mind her own business. I'm sure this is just a brief rebellious phase he's going through and that soon he'll embrace his family's values once more.
Simon leaves and Lucy comes in. She wants to know what RevCam's doing. Now, that's more like it! Ruthie laments that she has no friends. Lucy asks about tertiary characters who briefly played friends of Ruthie's earlier in the season, but I guess those actors have moved on to other projects by now. Ruthie claims that part of the problem is that the Camdens are poor, and she says she doesn't want to be friends with snobs. It's a sad day when Ruthie is one of the most intelligent voices on the show, but it's been happening more and more lately. Lucy points out that a third of the students are on scholarship, just like Ruthie, but Ruthie says there's no way of finding out which girls are poor. That sounds unlikely to me, but whatever. Ruthie resolves to become friends with the girl to whom she was giving her lunches a few episodes back. She leaves.
Robbie comes in and asks Lucy why Matt is being so nice to him. Lucy dorkily suggests that Dopey is getting to know and like Robbie and, consequently, is treating him "like he would treat anyone else." Robbie, unlike the biological Camdens, was born with at least a partial understanding of the rudiments of human behaviour, leading him to doubt Lucy's pathetic assessment of Dopey and his motives. Robbie asks Lucy out for a game of pool, but she refuses, citing homework. She makes a face as she says it, but we all know that secretly she's really excited to be the only high-school senior in North America who still agonizes over her homework six weeks before graduation.
The phone rings, and Annie answers to find Serena on the line. Annie is minimally polite. Serena wants to talk to Eric who, coincidentally, just walked in the door. Annie puts on a plastic smile and passes the phone to Eric, telling him it's his "girlfriend, the funny one." Annie, just covering up the phone with your hand doesn't really work, you know. Oftentimes people still hear what you're saying. While Eric chats with Serena, Annie empties the fast food bag he's carrying into the sink and turns on the garbage disposal. She's got some weird facial tic going on as she does this. Why is there never any middle ground on this show? Any time someone is mad, either they do something completely ineffectual, like issue a lame putdown, or they crank up their behaviour until it's freaky-ass scary, like just about anything Annie says or does these days. Where's the stuff that normal people would do? Eric watches Annie stalk down the hall. He tells Serena, "We need to talk."
Over at Ruthie's school, we see Ruthie running up to Julia, the lunchless girl from a few episodes ago. We're supposed to tell that she's snobby because she walks like she has a yardstick up her ass. Ruthie invites her chez Camden. Julia is rude and scornful. Jeez, I wouldn't go to the Camden house either, but at least I'd be polite about refusing. Julia asks why Ruthie wants to be friends with her specifically and says she hopes Ruthie won't embarrass her about the fact that her mother was out of work before. What a strange thing to say. Julia elaborates by explaining that Ruthie knows too much about her now and might tell her other friends that Julia was "temporarily poor." Ruthie promises not to divulge the secret, but Julia says she can't "take that chance." Ruthie's behaving pretty commendably here. But that won't stop me from laughing at her.
Back at Casa Camden, Dopey is trying to force Robbie to accept non-sexual favours from him. Robbie turns down the offer of a ride, as well as the chance to borrow money from the Dopester to buy a new car battery. As Dopey persists in this pushiness, you can see that Robbie is starting to freak out a bit. Finally he asks why Matt is being so nice. Matt replies that he feels "guilty." When Robbie asks why, Dopey puts on his "horrible liar" face and claims the guilt stems from his not welcoming Robbie into the CamPound. Robbie asks him to knock it off, then leaves.
Dopey closes the door and gets right on the phone to Cheryl. She seems pleased to hear from him, but like an amalgam of every prissy Harlequin Romance heroine ever written, she still insists that Robbie be told that they're dating. I'm not sure why she's experiencing this sudden influx of morals, but it's pretty irritating. I also don't understand why Matt has to date her. Surely there must be other twenty-something women in Glenoak who don't expect sex from their boyfriends. Personally, I hate all story lines having to do with Dopey's non-sex life, and I wish he'd leave Cheryl alone and go back to making out with his pillow. But alas, Dopey doesn't have the sense God gave a broom. He and Cheryl discuss the Robbie situation for a while longer. In a very roundabout way, Cheryl finally explains that she wants to make sure Matt is asking her out because he wants to date her, not because he wants to compete with Robbie somehow. At least that's what I think she's saying. It can be so hard to tell with this show. After another twenty rounds of "Tell Robbie," Dopey promises that he will, and that he will pick her up at eight. He hangs up the phone without saying goodbye. I imagine Cheryl saying, "No, wait! I won't be back from my Women Who Can't Stop Dating Troglodytes support group meeting until nine!" Then I imagine Dopey showing up at her apartment and banging on the door for an hour. And all because he is not bright enough to master basic phone skills.
At the high school, Lucy is chasing after Serena's daughter, whose name escapes me at this moment. I'd look it up for you, but there's no point in getting too attached anyway, since we all know this chick won't be around for longer than another episode before she suddenly "moves away," or whatever other excuse they'll make for why she's not around anymore. ["It's Ashley. God bless this new search engine." -- Wing Chun] This friend has an ugly centre part in her hair that looks like it was put there with a hatchet. It's better than Lucy's earlier attempts at a zigzag part, but not by much. Hatchet Part is pissed because RevCam referred her mom to someone else for counseling. In a not-at-all-contrived argument, Hatchet points out that Eric has helped lots of Lucy's friends' family members with serious problems. I'm not sure how she knows this, since that's the sort of info I'd consider confidential. But surely Hatchet should know that Lucy and her siblings only befriend kids who meet each episode's PSA of the Week criteria. Once RevCam has delivered his usual shallow diagnosis of their problems and offered up the bad advice he's so well known for, it's time for those guest stars to hit the road, rarely to be heard from again. Anyway, Hatchet wants to know whether the fact that RevCam won't counsel her mother means that Serena is too screwed up to be helped, or if he just won't help because Hatchet is not really Lucy's friend. The convoluted illogic of that is giving me a headache. I missed the rest of the scene because I was getting painkillers, but I'm sure nothing important happened anyway.
Simon is at his locker when an extra walks up to him and calls him "Virgin Camden." Have we ever seen this kid before? I don't think so. Exposition Boy explains that Sasha's mother has been telling other mothers that Simon is a virgin. His narration complete, Exposition Boy leaves. Hey, it was some quick and dirty cash while he's waiting to hear back from that Sunny D commercial audition. We all do things we're not so proud of sometimes. It's not like he'll ever be on the show again or anything.
John accosts Matt down at the hospital. It will come as no great surprise that he's harassing the Dopester about the Big Secret. Honestly, John really, really needs to get a life. John informs Dopey that Priscilla -- whom the producers couldn't afford to bring on this week -- has guessed that Matt is dating Cheryl. When Matt asks John why he even mentioned anything to Priscilla, John says, "I told you, we tell each other everything." Except he says this like it's a good thing, rather than the misguided crap that it, in fact, is. John redeems himself slightly, however, by refusing to be the go-between who tells Robbie about Matt and Cheryl.
The doorbell rings at the CamPound. For once, no one just happens to be walking past the door at that exact same moment. In fact, Annie goes to the extra bother of checking to see who it is before she opens the door. Oh hey, it's Serena! She cracks me up, so I'm happy enough to see her. Annie obviously doesn't feel the same way, though, if her gargoyle expression is anything to go by. Serena launches into a lengthy apology, saying that she knows Annie must be upset about her spending time with RevCam. It's kind of insulting, actually, and if some women said that stuff to me, I'd be put off too -- especially when Serena uses the word "jealous." I can't blame Annie for doing a slow burn during Serena's speech, but I have to laugh when SuperMom piously claims that she doesn't get involved in her husband's business. Serena recognizes this for the bullshit that it is and calls her on it. Annie just fake-apologizes and shuts the door on Serena. To be honest, I have no sympathy for anyone involved.
Annie struggles to get her anger under control in order to ask Ruthie how her day went. Ruthie says she tried to make a friend but failed because Julia is a "loser." She is disappointed that RevCam will be home for dinner, since "after a bad day, an extra piece of meat would be real nice." I try not to snicker at the sexual innuendo there, but I fail. It's because I'm immature. Annie wants to know what makes Julia a loser, and Ruthie explains that it's because she gave up the opportunity to have a great friend like Ruthie. Much as I detest the little troll, I have to admire her self-confidence. At her age, I was just entering into the age of my life that my dad euphemistically calls my "awkward years" -- the four years or so between my youthful popularity and the time when I realized I was stupid for even giving a shit about what my classmates thought of me. Ruthie says she's being paid back for helping someone. She claims that "Dad" always says, "Don't be helpful; be harmless." Maybe she really is adopted, then, since that phrase sure doesn't sound like the RevCam I know. I think it's safe to say that he's not helpful, but I don't know if "harmless" would describe him either.
Simon comes in and demands to talk to SuperMom alone. Lucy is right behind him, carrying a stack of books that's at least two feet tall. She is intimidated by Simon's manly demands to converse with Annie, and like a good little wife-in-training, Lucy takes charge of leading Ruthie upstairs. Simon asks whether SuperMom told Sasha's mother that he is a virgin. She claims that what she actually said is that Simon is "not sexually active." I'd like to know how Annie can be so sure about that. Geeky people have sex too, you know. Simon wants to know why Annie would say something like that to Sasha's mom. Annie says something about wanting to help Sasha, though I fail to see how invading Simon's privacy by speculating on his sex life would accomplish that. Suffice it to say that Simon is upset.
Dopey is on the phone with Cheryl, cutesily asking, "Can I get an extension on the deadline?" He claims that he really cares about her, which seems like a pretty facile thing to say after a first date. Oh wait -- I forgot about Matt's stalker tendencies. Okay, then, I suppose he's right in character. So is John, who is eavesdropping on Dopey's conversation from two feet away. He doesn't laugh uproariously when Cheryl describes Dopey as "smart," "sexy," and "fun," but I do. Cheryl also calls Dopey a "procrastinator." Instead of finishing his phone conversation like a normal person would, he says, "So I'll hang up the phone and stop procrastinating." Sure enough, he hangs up the phone, not even bothering to say goodbye. He really should consider taking a course on basic phone skills. Laugh if you want, but courses like that actually exist. I know someone who had to take one. He said it sucked and was a total waste of time, but I'll bet there would be a lot of new information in it for Dopey. John pounces, trying to convince Matt to "tell Robbie." John really, really needs to pick up a hobby or something.
And now we come to that brief segment in the show wherein the CamRents pretend to care about the twins. That dispensed with, Annie starts in on the Serena business. She wants to know whether RevCam told Serena that Annie wouldn't allow him to counsel her. RevCam starts to say that he didn't, since that would make him look like a wimp, but Annie cuts him off, insisting that he should not want to help her because he doubts "her sincerity in asking [him] for help." The only hitch is that RevCam doesn't doubt her sincerity. From what I can gather from this scene, Annie doesn't want RevCam to let on to Serena that she is jealous, but she has no trouble whatsoever sharing every jealous little whim with RevCam and punishing him for what she perceives as Serena's interest in him. I guess the real problem is that she's just a silly, flighty female. If she were a wise and stable patriarch, like RevCam, she wouldn't behave so illogically. If only she had a penis! But then we wouldn't all be able to join in laughter at how volatile and frivolous women are. However, I'm not laughing, because I'm a little too offended. And quite frankly, Annie scares me, too. Nice move fighting in front of the twins, CamRents. In the real world, the twins probably would be traumatized by hearing their parents fight. Here we see a twin smiling happily in the middle of the fight. I prefer to believe he's taking pleasure from his parents' distress and is hoping that they will divorce. If I think this, then I can hold out some hope that at least one of the CamSpawn has a chance of turning out all right. It's far too late for Lucy, who is eavesdropping from the hallway.
Robbie walks in on Matt putting on a sweater. He offers to leave while Matt gets ready for his date, but you know it's because Robbie doesn't want to spend any more time around creepy Dopey than he has to. Robbie doesn't escape quickly enough, so now he must endure Matt's prying into his personal life. Dopey starts by asking whether Robbie has plans for the evening, then harasses him about Mary for a while. Robbie says that he will be studying with a friend this evening. As for the Mary situation, Robbie is upset that she might be dating Wilson, but he's pretty fatalistic about it all. When Dopey says, "What goes on between a man and a woman is between that man and woman and no other man or woman, no matter what man or woman that man or woman has been with in the past." Oh, go fuck yourself, Matt. I'm really getting sick of never hearing a coherent thought come out of your mouth. The show's G rating precludes Robbie from telling Matt to fuck off, so he just pretends to understand what Dopey is talking about and says, "I agree."
Julia calls to tell Ruthie that her mother yelled at her for not wanting to be Ruthie's friend. What I want to know is, how lame is Julia for telling her mother she doesn't want to be friends with Ruthie? Ruthie suggests that they don't need to be friends, but that Julia can lie to her mother about it. Maybe Julia's mother's maiden name is Camden, because she's standing about two feet away from Julia, shamelessly eavesdropping on her daughter's phone conversation.
Back at the CamPound, Lucy confronts Annie, saying she needs to talk to her. Annie must be psycho...I mean, "psychic," because she guesses that Lucy wants to discuss Serena. Annie doesn't want to discuss Serena, though. Lucy gives an impassioned speech about wanting to be treated like an adult, and to be told what's going on in this situation. When Annie says that she can't tell her, Lucy asks, "Why? Because you're wrong?" Ouch. While it's true that Annie is wrong, Lucy's just a dumb-ass who should shut up. Anyone who wants to start mediating their parents' marital woes really needs to have her head examined. Lucy, don't even start down that path. And quit doing that zigzag part thing with your hair. It just looks stupid on you. Lucy stalks off. The phone rings. It is Julia's mother calling.
Simon's moping around the CamPound, feeling sorry for himself. Robbie tells him, "You look like you just got run over by a truck." Hey, that's not very nice, Robbie. Simon probably doesn't have much say in what the hair people do to his bangs. Simon fills Robbie in on the "Virgin Camden" situation. He promises Simon that eventually the situation will make for "a very funny story."
SuperMom asks Ruthie if she told Julia to lie to her mother. Ruthie explains that she was keeping Julia from living the lie of being Ruthie's friend. Annie compliments Ruthie's self-esteem, wondering how she can not care whether people like her. Ruthie claims that she inherited it from SuperMom. Huh? Okay, this ought to be good. Ruthie explains that when Annie told Sasha's mother about Simon's virginity, she didn't care if Simon got mad at her. She also cites the shitty way Annie's been behaving toward RevCam. She tries to put a good spin on it, but it comes off sounding subversive, like she's actually making fun of...well, this entire show. My suspicions grow stronger when Ruthie tells Annie, "You go, girl!" before running off. On the other hand, given the rest of the story lines this week, I'm probably giving the writers too much credit.
Simon's in his room when the phone rings. It's some chick named Jane Carrington. To me she looks almost exactly like Lucy's "friend" -- you know, Serena's daughter -- but I'm feeling too shell-shocked from this terrible episode to rewind the tape and check. It's probably not her, though I could see the producers saving money on bit players by not hiring an extra actor for this part. Jane is asking Simon for a date because she doesn't want to be pressured into having sex, and she figures "Virgin Camden" fits the bill. Simon is in shock.
Dopey shows up on Cheryl's doorstep carrying what looks like a specially decorated one-pound box of Godiva chocolates. I wonder where he got the money. Aren't the Camdens always lamenting about being poor? I used to work at a Godiva Chocolatier, and the last time I checked -- which was about a decade ago -- the chocolates were up to twenty-four bucks a pound. Special decorations were another three bucks. Cheryl's peeved because Dopey did not meet her "one stipulation" of telling Robbie he was dating her. Matt claims that she had one more stipulation, which was that he treat her right. He thinks that buying her off with overpriced "Belgian" chocolates that are actually made in Pennsylvania satisfies that requirement. Sadly, Cheryl seems to think so, too, as she smiles indulgently and agrees to go out with him. Dopey tries to convince her that Robbie has already figured out the dating situation, and that he just doesn't want to talk about it because men don't like to talk about things like that. I'd ask my husband whether that's true, but since he flouted my orders and didn't quit his job, I'm not speaking to him and will be too busy throwing out his dinner to ask questions anyway. We don't have a garbage disposal, so I might have to ask him to follow me to the garbage chute of our apartment building so I can chuck his sandwich out there. It's not as dramatic, but you have to work with what you've got.
It turns out that Robbie's study partner for the evening is...Heather! Oh come on -- you can't tell me you didn't see that coming. In a stupid piece of plot symmetry, St. Robbie is agonizing over whether to tell Dopey that he shares a class with Heather. Heather is utterly blasé about it all. In fact, she looks annoyed that Robbie keeps harping on it. The producers try to make it seem like she feels ill because she's still getting over the flu, but everyone can tell that she's not really sick -- she's just sick of hearing about Dopey.
I'm really sick of SuperMom, but there she is again, bothering Eric in his study. She reminisces that she used to be jealous of the women RevCam sees over the course of his job. Oh, okay, and you're better now, Annie? She patronizingly informs Eric that she trusts him, but that there are evil women in the world who will try to seduce him away from his family. She thinks that Serena fits that category. Eric points out that he has already referred Serena to another counselor. Annie does a one-eighty and tells RevCam he must counsel Serena. Ugh, whatever. She drags the scene down further by telling Eric, "All I want to know is when she makes her move, and then I want an apology from you for not trusting me." She stalks out, and RevCam gets back to work, wisely ignoring everything Annie just said.
Lucy and Annie apologize to each other for all the stupid things they said earlier, but then they make the situation worse by saying a whole bunch of new stupid things, all of which are too boring to repeat.
It turns out that Simon has become the belle of the ball. Every girl in Glenoak is calling him for a date, and he needs a desk organizer to keep track of them all. I'm convinced this is his dream sequence, but that someone accidentally edited out the part of the show that explains that it's a dream sequence.
RevCam reassures Ruthie that he and SuperMom are not angry at each other. This scene is so syrupy that my dental fillings start to hurt.
Meanwhile, Simon's still fielding calls from girls who allegedly want to go out with him. He's playing on his goody-goody image by telling the chicks that family is important to him. Happy is sitting to him. I was going to make a tasteless joke about how her leg was broken and how only she knew that Simon is not really a virgin, but I didn't want to offend anyone.
Speaking of offensive, Dopey and Cheryl are finishing off their boring date with some flirty banter in front of Cheryl's apartment building. Inexplicably, Cheryl agrees to date Dopey again. She's playing the lame-o Harlequin heroine once more, as she starts to walk away without kissing Dopey goodnight. He manfully grabs her arm and pulls her back, and you can tell that's exactly what she wanted him to do. Tee hee. It's all too clichéd for words.
Oh, for the love of God, can't it end already? Annie's sulking in bed when RevCam comes in to tell her he will be counseling Serena, but in a therapy group for single women. Isn't Annie afraid that all those predatory single females will want to have a big orgy with Revvy? SuperMom bitchily stands by her opinion that Serena will try to get it on with Eric.
At the hospital, Dopey runs into Robbie, who's standing alone in a hallway. Both dorks claim they are there to see John. Robbie admits that he's -- holy Camden! -- lying when Heather comes over with John. He explains that he was helping Heather study when she felt sick and had to come to the hospital. This is all explained guiltily, for reasons I can't exactly figure out. Dopey starts to puff up like an angry peacock as he self-righteously tells Robbie that he should have been informed about the class-sharing. Everyone stands around uncomfortably in what would be a pretty good dramatic scene if the entire premise weren't so ridiculous. Dopey stalks off. If there's any justice in this world, he'll be hit by a bus as soon as he walks out of the hospital.