Instead of going to the Magic Box to talk to Giles or, you know, going directly to Buffy's house, Dirty Xander tries to call her from a pay phone in the middle of the street. A pay phone which eats his quarter. As Dirty Xander argues with the operator, Clean Xander, looking cool and collected, sails down the street. Dirty Xander, finding a quarter in his pocket, sticks it in the phone, dials, and then seeing his doppelganger, hides his face behind his hand. Buffy answers the phone, but Dirty Xander is so flummoxed by this entire turn of events that he just hangs up on her and stares after Clean Xander.
On the other end of the phone, Buffy, in her bedroom at home, looks perplexed and hangs up. Turning to Riley, she...Jesus, Mary, and Joseph. Holy...My...Sweet...um. This outfit? I really don't think...I mean...wha? That's blood coming from my eyes. I'm crying tears of blood because of this outfit. And I can't move my arms because I'M TURNING TO STONE BECAUSE OF THIS OUTFIT. I don't know what Sarah Michelle Gellar did to the stylist this week, but I think it must have been along the lines of killing her family and burning down her house, because this is the worst outfit I have ever seen on television. Ever. And that includes two years of the original Donny and Marie Show. Buffy is wearing (brace yourself -- seriously) a green, lavender, peach, and brown beaded halter top, skintight flared brown pants with a white tie-dyed pattern thing on them, and a full-length (as in, to the ground) lavender hooded sweatshirt. A FULL LENGTH SWEATSHIRT? God, why hast thou forsaken me?! Buffy says something to Riley about being fully equipped to kill this demon, and that he shouldn't worry about her, and they start to make out, and I still can't really see because of the BLOOD coming out of MY EYES, because I just saw that Buffy is also wearing a giant purple ring made entirely of shiny, shiny beads and a bracelet with a matching huge green beady flower thing on it. And then there is this gurgling noise in the background and I think maybe Riley is choking to death on Buffy's tongue, but it's just Dawn, grossed out by all the kissy stuff. Dawn tells Buffy that she knows someone who knows someone who knows someone who died because she choked on her boyfriend's tongue. What did I tell you? Buffy rolls her eyes and tells Dawn, predictably, to get out. Dawn points out that she's in the hallway and can stand there if she wants. Bicker bicker bicker, Buffy slams the door in Dawn's face. And that's it for Dawn this week, kids.
Spike, back in a lair that doesn't seem to be the same lair he was living in last week, is redecorating with the spoils of the city dump. He takes the top half of a female mannequin and dresses it in a skanky and garish faux-snakeskin halter top. Oh, this has got to have something to do with Buffy. Topping off the mannequin with a long, blond wig, Spike admires his handiwork, deems it "very posh," backs up, and kicks the head off the mannequin with a nice roundhouse kick. Billy Blanks would be so proud. The mannequin's head disobeys all laws of physics and gravity to bounce off the floor and into Spike's hands, never losing the wig on its merry way. Spike stares into the painted eyes. "Oh, Slayer," he sighs. "One of these days." That was interesting.