We start off in the hallowed halls of good old Crawford College, where Matt's chemistry teacher is handing back some tests. These are just practice tests, though, and they don't count. Golly, that sure is nice of the teacher! At most schools, pre-med is so competitive that introductory science courses are used to weed students out, not nurture their self-esteem. I'm glad Crawford Clown College is a kinder place; I just know that I wouldn't let Matt within fifty yards of me with a scalpel -- or a bottle of seltzer, for that matter. The prof attempts a little stand-up routine but it fails miserably. He fares a bit better at hammering home this scene's Important Message, which is that one must study hard in order to be a doctor. Wow, that's some news flash. By the way, Matt received a 'D' on the test. Since 'D' is the first letter in "Dopey," it's obviously a shout-out to me. Aw, thanks! After all the shout-outs they gave Gwen last week, I'm glad they still love me too.
I wonder if the writers have ever had to deal with a car insurance company in real life. I'm guessing not, since they expect us to believe that Mary got her insurance company to extend the deadline for her insurance payment. But maybe I'm just not giving RevCam enough credit; he may be important enough to control the insurance company, the same way he controls the police. Someone needs to revoke the charter of Mary's charm school, and fast. She is ruder than ever as she yells at her insurance rep from a payphone at the pool hall. A co-worker tells her to get back to work, adding that the manager is unhappy with her. Him and Aaron Spelling both, I'm sure. The insurance rep has wisely hung up on her ass.
In the CamKitchen, Eric is making dinner so Annie can study. In his hand is a casserole, onto which he's sprinkling either fairy dust or smooshed-up potato chips. We learn that the casserole is of the tuna persuasion. We also learn that Mary won't be home for dinner and that she has been stiffing the CamRents for the room and board they've started charging her. Considering dinner is Eric's tunafish concoction, it seems that Mary's just showing some good judgment for a change. Lucy, Ruthie, and Simon arrive home from school. Lucy is clad entirely in particularly skanky-looking pleather; RevCam doesn't bat an eyelash. His shirt-stapling fit from last week's episode must have been an anomaly. Ruthie, who's wearing a pleather jacket, gives her parents a summons from her school principal. She brushes off their questions and asks if they've been able to get her out of Miss Riddle's class. When RevCam replies that they're "working on it," Ruthie orders him to "work faster." She rolls her eyes and walks out of the room. Sure, I roll my eyes at the CamRents too, but not right in front of them, jeez. Simon "The Eyebrows of Oscar the Grouch" Camden needs a signature on his tardy slip. I notice he's wearing no pleather. He says he hates high school. I bond with him for a millisecond over that, then come to my senses again. I blame it on the fact that I'm feeling vulnerable because I've got a cold. But I want to make it at least to the opening credits before I start self-medicating with lemon, honey, and rum. Oops -- we're out of lemon and rum, so I guess I'll have to make do with beer. Lucy's all chipper as she oh-so-annoyingly brags about not being in trouble and loving high school. She starts to tell us why she loves high school so much. "I was..." she says, then stops to wait for the doorbell to ring and "interrupt" her in mid-sentence. I'm gonna go out on a limb here and guess that it might be this week's special guest star at the door. For some unexplained reason, the CamRents must answer the front door together. They rudely leave their forlorn-looking daughter in the kitchen to finish her announcement for the benefit of Happy and the twins. Are you ready? Lucy was nominated for Homecoming Queen. I know, I'm pretty underwhelmed too. The editors cut in some unrelated footage of one of the twins clapping and Happy barking while Lucy pretends to be grateful for their "support."
Well, whaddaya know, I was right! This week's special guest star is at the door, and right before the opening credits. It's the Colonel, a.k.a. Eric's father. That's rather unfortunate.
If you were hoping for a new and improved theme song, you'll be sadly disappointed, I'm afraid. It's still the same old stuff about their shiny faces, or Matt's greasy hair smiling down at you, or whatever they're wailing about. There is a delightful shot of Lucy's all-pleather outfit, though.
Oh, my. A bluesy rock song plays while Eric performs some kind of striptease-like dance while cleaning up the kitchen, though technically no clothing is shed. It doesn't matter, I'm still blind now. It's not like I find Stephen Collins repulsive or anything. I know someone who ran into him at LAX and said that he was really gracious and charming. But the thought of creepy stalker RevCam shimmying his way through his kitchen -- uh-oh, there goes lunch. There is a total close-up shot of him feeling up his ass, which is mostly covered by his shirt. Maybe during sweeps month the shirt will come off! Or maybe the WB could do some sort of fundraising stunt where, if they receive their pledge goal amount, the writers will promise never, ever to show any cast members bumping or grinding, ever again. Ever. SuperMom rolls her eyes and turns off RevCam's music. Darn! And just when it looked like he may have been about to fellate a broomstick. The CamRents discuss the Colonel's visit, and Annie claims it won't be so bad. Ho-ho, wouldn't it be absolutely hilarious if that were some ironic foreshadowing? A joke is made about Julie and Hank escaping to Chicago to avoid the Colonel. This episode's budget must be really small if they can't afford Ed Begley. SuperMom leaves, but not before making a big show out of moving the broom out of RevCam's reach; he goes after it anyway. We never get to see any hot man-on-broom action, though, because after all, this program is rated G. By the way, that doesn't stand for "good."
Ruthie is critiquing RevCam's tuna casserole dinner. She teaches him a Valuable Lesson about avoiding the embarrassing faux pas of serving up an all-beige meal. She has a point, but it's really all just a segue into another tense discussion between RevCam and the Colonel. Nosy Parker Sr. makes vaguely disparaging remarks about Annie going back to school. Finally Eric asks him outright, "Why are you here?" I can respect the direct approach, even though that's kind of a cold-blooded thing to say to your own father. The Colonel answers that question with a question: "Do I need a reason?" When RevCam answers in the affirmative, the Colonel just laughs at him and walks out of the kitchen. Okay, I guess I can respect that too.
Over at the pool hall, Matt and John are discussing their organic chemistry practice test. You know, this scene is so irritating, I can barely stand to describe it. We'll just get this over with quickly, okay? Dopey blames his troubles with Heather for distracting him from "doing [his] best work" at school. I regret to inform you that this "placing the blame" thing will be an ongoing theme for Dopey throughout the episode. The idea that someone thought this would be a good, funny premise for a subplot makes me so sad that I have to go lie down for a while. Poor John looks kind of sad, too, at the quality of some of the lines he has to deliver as Dopey's straight man. Mary comes to the table and pretty much begs the guys for a tip. Dopey's tip is that the Colonel is in town, and "the only thing worse than a lecture from [RevCam] is..." Mary finishes his sentence: "...A lecture from the Colonel." I beg to differ. I can think of way worse things than that. There's all of this week's subplots, for example. Like John fussing over Dopey's personal life. I've kind of given up hoping they'll ever give John a real plot of his own. Okay, if I dwell on that too long, I'll just get all sad again. Oh, and Mary? Matt's not the only one who's got a tip for you: Think about someone other than yourself once in a while, you rude git.
Ah, it's another touching scene between RevCam and SuperMom. You know, this scene is so boring, I don't know if I can get through it. We'll just get this over with quickly, okay? Annie's feeling guilty about going back to school. She wonders if the Colonel disapproves, and if he thinks she's neglecting the kids. That's silly! I think she spent at least eight seconds with the twins in last week's episode, didn't she? That's eight seconds more than the Colonel's spent with them. And, um, she's only taking one course. That's right, folks, one course. It's cool when RevCam points out how much Annie has done for others and tells her that she needs to do something for herself. The scene is still very boring, though.
RevCam runs into Lucy in the hallway and congratulates her on her Homecoming Queen nomination. Simon walks up and tries to bring down the room by telling them that his friend Jim (from the toilet-papering incident last week) is not allowed to play with him anymore. No, it can't be! First Ed Begley and now Jim too? I guess Jim has fallen into the Great Black Hole of Guest Stars We Can't Afford This Week. Jeez, I didn't realize money was that tight. I've got a couple rolls of pennies lying around that I'd be willing to put toward getting better guest stars. Simon whines about how lonely he is and then mopes off down the hall to his room.
Lucy follows him and asks him to help with her Homecoming Queen campaign so that he can meet people. He thinks she's just asking because she feels sorry for him. Lucy admits that's true, but claims that they can help each other. I think if she really wants to help Simon, she should lend him her tweezers and some eyebrow bleach. Simon agrees to help with the Homecoming Queen campaign, but nothing is ever said about the tweezers or the bleach.
The irritating demon urchin Ruthie is chatting up the Colonel in the kitchen. She complains about her homeroom teacher and about the fact that the CamRents are not moving quickly enough to extricate her from the class. So Ruthie has gone "way over their heads." She points upward to indicate God. If you think that's cute, you're a much nicer person than I am. Ruthie is envious of Mary for not being in school, and she points out the "billions" of jobs Mary's had this summer. The Colonel realizes he can manipulate his granddaughter into revealing all her older sister's secrets, so he and Ruthie settle down for a good gossip. It's a rather unappealing sight.
Hey, speaking of unappealing, it's time for another scene with Mary. She knocks on her boss's door and then walks right in before he even has a chance to answer. Some leftover remnant of politeness from her childhood inspires her to apologize for all the personal calls she's made today. Her boss makes the mistake of asking for details, which she is more than happy to provide, offering up every minute particular of her incredibly boring financial situation. He looks bored, but he's got no one to blame but himself. He did ask, after all. I didn't ask, though, and I'm damn sick of her whining. How many more episodes until she leaves? She proves herself to be stupider than I ever thought possible when she asks her boss to advance her two weeks' salary. He says he won't be able to accommodate her. She turns around to walk away, but he stops her, saying that they have to talk. Mary puts on a look of extreme irritation, shaking her head as she rudely asks, "About what?" He tells Mary to shut her mouth. Oops, that was me. Boss guy just tells her to shut the door. She finally realizes something is wrong; her boss confirms it. Unfortunately, we don't actually see Mary get fired. I can't believe they have time to include scenes like Ruthie talking about the colour of her dinner and then they leave out something as fun as Mary's firing.
Quick -- don't blink, it's the twins! One-Mississippi, two-Missi-- oh, sorry, they're gone. Be sure to check for them again week, though! Ruthie comes downstairs to the kitchen. Good heavens, she's sporting about the ugliest poncho I've ever seen, and I'm sure that in the World's Ugliest Poncho race, there's no shortage of contenders. RevCam tries to hurry her into the car, telling her that Lucy and Simon are already waiting. Ruthie craftily picks this moment to tell her dad that for some bizarre reason she wrapped her friend Sarah in a lot of toilet paper the week before. I'm not real sure why anyone would do that, but I find my life is better when I ignore about ninety per cent of what Ruthie says. And why are the Camdens so obsessed with toilet paper anyway? So far Mary, Simon, and Ruthie have all found alternate uses for it. Lucy had better get on the ball and toilet-paper something soon, or else Ruthie and the Colonel may use one of their gossip sessions to start a rumour that Lucy is adopted. Eric informs Ruthie that she may be getting out of Miss Riddle's class soon, to which she replies, "Thank God!" RevCam gets upset until Ruthie explains that she really is thanking God for answering her prayer to get out of Miss Riddle's class. RevCam gets even more upset. This opens up the whole issue of what is an appropriate thing to pray for, which I thought they'd already beaten to death last year. Ruthie plays it off by pretending that she thought the CamRents needed some help in getting her a new teacher. RevCam buys that explanation, or maybe he just can't be bothered to deal with Ruthie right now, so he sends her off to school.
Mary is walking down the upstairs hallway when she sees the Colonel coming toward her. She tries to escape, but he's too quick for her. SuperMom comes along and starts quizzing Mary about being late for work. She lies elaborately. Ooh, bad Camden! Annie points out Mary's various financial obligations, but Mary just brushes her off -- easily done. The Colonel says he's glad he and Mary will have the chance to talk. Mary lies again, saying she promised to help a friend move. Man, she's going to hell for sure now.
I didn't think they would come up with anything less plausible than Dopey's practice science test, but this time they've really gone that extra mile to prove me wrong. Simon is wasting paper by handing out flyers for Lucy's Homecoming Queen campaign. I know that's stupid, but it's not the silliest part. Two girls are checking him out, and they actually call him "cute," right to his face, and invite him to a party. And that's still not the silliest part. Simon claims that once people found it he was Lucy's sister, he attained instant popularity. Ha! I keep expecting this to be a dream sequence, but it's not.
Moving right along, it's time for another heart-to-heart chat between RevCam and the Colonel. It's all a retread of the same subject matter: waiting tables sucks and Mary needs to go to college. You know, there are people who make a pretty good living waiting tables -- some of whom make more money than I do at my dead-end day job that allegedly requires a degree. If I were a waiter, I'd be feeling pretty insulted right now at the way they keep saying that job means nothing. But I guess expecting sensitivity from 7th Heaven is asking way too much. The Colonel throws around some clichés about fighting a battle, and the scene finally creaks to a close.
Oh, help. It's another tortured scene down at Dopey's Swingin' Bachelor Pad. Except I'm not sure how much longer I can call it that, since Matt and John keep behaving more and more like a fussy old married couple. John's still displaying an irritating over-interest in Dopey's organic chemistry situation. Matt's just returned from talking to his prof, who -- surprise! -- does not give a shit about Dopey's personal life. Some more passing the blame ensues, and there are a couple shots of Dopey drinking nervously from a can. I believe it's supposed to add to the hilarity somehow that he's losing his mind.
RevCam meets with Ruthie's school principal, who recommends that Ruthie enroll in something called the Eleanor Roosevelt School. He tries to play it off like Ruthie's actually a genius who would benefit from a private school environment, but I can't help but suspect the principal just doesn't want to deal with her, or her parents, anymore. RevCam expects the principal to just transfer Ruthie out of Miss Riddle's class, but I guess the principal's not under Eric's thumb like the cops and the insurance company, because he just makes some excuse and keeps up the sales pitch for the private school. RevCam contemplates. Hey, at least it would be a new environment from which Ruthie can annoy and irritate the viewers.
The girl who invited Simon to her party accosts him again in the hallway. She dreamily states her goal of becoming Homecoming Queen when she's a senior. Wow, that's a great goal! What a role model she is. It gets funnier when she starts beating Simon over the head with the fact that he is only popular because he's Lucy's brother. Simon just takes it, though, and asks her if there's anything he can bring to her happening party. "Yeah, your sister!" she enthuses before walking away giggling.
Annie's studying again, this time in the kitchen. You know, this is either the hardest course in the world or she is incredibly stupid, because it seems like she has done nothing but study for a week now. The Colonel comes into the room, alleging that he's just spent time with the twins. I'm sure he's lying, though. Annie says, "You don't think I should be going to school, do you?" It turns out the Colonel is very supportive of Annie's educational pursuits, and he gives a nice speech to that effect. Of course, the conversation turns to Mary not going to college. The Colonel thinks the CamRents should force her to go; the CamRents disagree. Haven't we heard this conversation about four or five times already, just in this episode alone?
It's a sunny day in the park. Children run around with balloons. Man, I always thought scenes like this existed only in the imagination of some Royal Doulton figurine sculptor. Mary sits on a park bench. A pervy-looking old guy stops and stares. "Hey, didn't I see you virtually naked in Gear magazine back in the spring?" he asks. Okay, he doesn't, and actually, we know he's not gonna molest anyone because the perky song stylings of some Kenny G impersonator are playing in the background. Ol' Perv sits to Mary and tries to strike up a conversation. Mary flips out and starts telling him her life story. Lovely. While she repeats the same old crap, I'll take this opportunity to suggest that, for a show that seems to pride itself so much on inspiring people to follow its teachings, it might not be such a hot idea for them to have Mary chatting it up with just any old pervy-looking guy who initiates a conversation in the park. Sometimes that's not the safest course of action for a young woman alone. But what do I know? I'm just a lowly heathen. Oh, is Mary done already? That was relatively quick. Now it's time for Ol' Perv to give one of the funnier speeches I've ever heard on the show. He tells her about his son, who spent two years after college looking for a job before he finally found a good one. I'll bet that wouldn't have possible if he didn't go to college. And you know, when Young Perv was lonely and depressed after college, Ol' Perv used to tell him that "no matter what happens to him in his life, he'll always have his college degree to fall back on." Ol' Perv may have said some other college-related stuff, but we were too busy rolling on the floor with laughter to hear it if he did. And you know, falling off my chair with mirth was pretty darn lucky, because I narrowly missed the entire crate of anvils the writers tried to drop on my head to hammer in their point about college. Mary admits the unthinkable: that she might not be going to college. Ol' Perv's mouth forms a perfect "O" of shock and dismay. He pats her shoulder compassionately, then leaves before her non-college-going aura can contaminate him. I know I've slagged her in the past, but I admire Jessica Biel for being able to get through this incredibly stupid scene without cracking up.
After I take the commercial break to regain my composure, I'm quickly sobered by the prospect of another scene with Dopey and John. Dopey's folding laundry and procrastinating; John's lecturing him about passing the blame and not asking for help. And "Help" is, after all, the title of this episode. I think they should make like PeeWee's Playhouse and have a big to-do every time the word or theme of the day is mentioned. It would liven things up considerably. I just don't have a whole lot of patience with this subplot. It's not that I don't understand procrastination. Some of my favourite activities the night before writing an exam used to be shaving my legs, dusting things that hadn't been dusted since my last big exam, and figuring out the bare minimum grade I'd need on the exam in order to pass the course. It's just that I didn't delude myself so pathetically over the fact that I was procrastinating, and I was fortunate enough to have friends who knew to stay out of my business. I think we're done here.
SuperMom and RevCam are having another family discussion, this time about Ruthie and whether they can afford to send her to private school. It's standard filler, except when Eric comments that Ruthie will do anything to get out of Miss Riddle's class and Annie replies, "Unless she's like Mary and prefers no class at all." Five bucks says they weren't talking about school there at all. Usually I'm not too pleased to see Ruthie, but at least this time she interrupts the umpteenth boring discussion of Mary not going to college. The CamRents try to sell her on the Eleanor Roosevelt School, but Ruthie's not buying, especially when she learns that her best friend Sarah can't come with her. Ruthie rudely states, "This is the last time I ask God for anything," and she stalks off. The CamRents look at each other sympathetically instead of rolling their eyes like they should.
The Colonel finally corners Mary and asks her to take him for a drive in her "fancy new sports car." She agrees to do it like she's granting him a big favour or something. He suggests going to the pool hall, and Mary nervously agrees.
Lucy takes over from her parents in trying to sell Ruthie on the Eleanor Roosevelt School. Ruthie says she doesn't want to go to boarding school, which unrealistically raises my hopes that maybe she'll be leaving the show too. Much to my chagrin, Lucy points out that it's actually a day school. I knew it was too good to be true. Ruthie goes on about some fantasy of running away to join the circus and marrying a clown. It's overly cutesy and irritating as hell. Can I move on, please? Thank you.
Simon is reading in his room when Lucy bursts in to confront him about promising she'd attend some party on the weekend. Simon explains that he's afraid his new friend won't want to be his friend anymore if he doesn't bring Lucy to her party. I'm so sure. By the way, the friend's name is Marie, but don't bother remembering her name or anything because I'm sure that by week she'll have joined Jimbo and Ruthie's little friend Sarah off in that Guest Star Black Hole. Lucy is pissed because one of her friends told her that if she went to this frosh party she would become a "social outcast" and definitely lose the Homecoming Queen election. Oh, no, that would be so tragic!
I never thought I'd see Dopey in a library, but that's where he is now, eyeing his organic chemistry prof at the table. He goes up to Professor Talley and asks him for help. The prof's a little rude to him at first, but once Dopey illustrates this scene's Important Message -- that one should not be ashamed to ask for help -- Professor Talley warms up a bit. The writers do a little damage control by having him say that Matt is probably not stupid, but even they can't bring themselves to state it categorically. Hey, maybe that's another shout-out to me! The prof agrees to help Matt, but only after subjecting him to a vaguely philosophical lecture about knowledge and life and death. You know, it's the standard sort of thing that this show usually butchers.
There's a real long shot of a red car in the parking lot of the pool hall. I'll bet some camera person had to stake out that location for days until someone parked a red sports car there that they could pretend was Mary's -- although the car is so far away that for all I know, it might actually be a Geo Metro or a Dodge Caravan. ["And I thought that her car was black in the first place. Oh, whatever." -- Sars] Mary and the Colonel are sitting inside the alleged sports car, and she finally admits that she was fired from her job. She says something about being the last hired and the first fired in a lay-off type of situation, which sounds kind of fishy to me, but the Colonel lets it go. Mary says she will get another job and then waits for the lecture that we're all expecting. The Colonel, however, doesn't lecture her. It's probably some kind of reverse-psychology deal, but I don't even know, or care. I'm just happy we're not going to be submitted to another hammer to the head regarding college.
The block of commercials starts off with a network ID featuring some extra-pretty turkeys. No, it's not a commentary on the show. This episode aired during the Canadian Thanksgiving weekend, that's all.
Aw, man, the Colonel was just toying with us before. It looks like it's the day and Mary is asking him why he hasn't told the CamRents about her losing the pool hall job. No matter what the Colonel may have claimed in the last scene, you knew the lecture was coming, and now here it is. Yada yada. Mary asks him for help, which he agrees to give her. It turns out they have different ideas of what "help" entails. Mary thinks it means a hand-out (or "loan," as she so quaintly calls it), while the Colonel thinks Mary will allow him to perform a makeover on her life and get her into -- all together now -- college! When Mary gets all whiny about that, the Colonel offers to get her a job at a sporting goods store. While she's not above posing topless in a restroom for a men's magazine, she feels that job is beneath her. She rudely tells him, "Thank you for nothing." And she's out of there.
Dopey and John almost quarrel about Dopey's being out all night. Everything's okay, though, because Dopey wasn't off letting someone else meddle in his life, he was just at the library. He apologizes to John for the way he behaved the day before and the word "help" is bandied around a few more times. Okay, we GET it!
Ruthie is sulking at the kitchen table when the Colonel walks in and asks her what's wrong. She doesn't want to go to a new school and lose all her friends. Doesn't she mean "friend," singular? She asks if God ever makes mistakes. I don't want to be blasphemous, but I think it's a possibility. I mean, look at some of the evidence: famine, pestilence, Brussels sprouts, Celine Dion. The Colonel comforts Ruthie with a dull reminiscence about meeting her grandmother. I can't be bothered to repeat it. If you're looking for something in a similar vein, just scan one of those Chicken Soup books or take a gander at the inspirational section of your local card shop. Hey, there's a random quick shot of the twins! It has nothing to do with anything else in the scene! Ruthie and the Colonel are sharing a post-reminiscence hug when the CamRents walk in. I don't know if Annie was planning on attending the Eleanor Roosevelt school herself because she is -- I kid you not -- decked out in an outfit that looks exactly like a prep school uniform. It's kind of creepy. Ruthie tells her parents she's willing to check out the private school, and everyone looks happy. The Colonel offers a cheque -- some "help," geddit? -- for Ruthie's tuition. I'm not making fun of that. It's really sweet, actually. My grandmother helped put me through school, for which I'll always be grateful. The CamRents explain that Ruthie qualifies for a full scholarship, but RevCam says that he won't hesitate to ask for help in the future if he needs it.
Marie comes up to Lucy at school and asks her if she'll be coming to her party. Lucy hesitates to allow the non-suspense to build before she finally says she will go. Marie walks away, acting like this is a big deal or something. Simon expresses surprise that Lucy would risk jeopardizing the stupid Homecoming Election by being seen at a frosh party. Lucy points out that the freshmen will vote for her, even if the "cool people" don't. Also, it's more important to do something for her brother than win Homecoming Queen. Maybe somebody really popular decided to run against her and Lucy figured she'd lose anyway. I know this is supposed to be all sweet and self-sacrificing, but since I could never be bothered to care about Lucy's Homecoming Queen nomination to begin with, the effect is pretty much lost on me.
Over at Eleanor Roosevelt School, SuperMom runs across the driveway in her school uniform and jumps on top of RevCam. She's happy because she "aced" her test. That's pretty cool, but I'd be able to take it more seriously if she were going somewhere other than Crawford Clown College. She's got her tongue down RevCam's throat when Ruthie and some school administrator walk up. Ruthie's totally excited because this school has riding classes, no homework, and a flexible schedule. Okay, maybe this will turn out to be a dream sequence. The administrative woman continues her spiel, which sounds like some lazy writer ripped it off wholesale from some real-life alternative private school's brochure. For some inexplicable reason, the school wants to admit Ruthie. I know, I can't figure it out either.
Back at the CamPound, Mary is berating her insurance rep again. I'm sure it's completely justified, because after all, without a car Mary can't work and earn money. So obviously the insurance company should just let her make payments whenever it's convenient for her. The insurance rep starts to say something about informing the DMV that Mary's insurance is cancelled, but Mary cuts her off. And in case you were wondering -- yes, she did it rudely. The episode ends with Mary threatening to drive her car without insurance and then slamming the phone down. I have no idea what delicious plots the writers have lined up to get Mary off the show, but I'd like to suggest they kill her character off so there's absolutely no chance of her ever returning. Ever.