This episode starts off with the most palatable Camden, Happy, chewing on one of RevCam's shoes. The scene starts to go downhill when Simon enters the room. Isn't that always the case, though? It looks like Simon's hair has always sucked. I know it does in this scene. He's got the whole bowl-haircut thing going, and even at such a tender age, his eyebrows are at the opposite end of the colour spectrum from his hair. He admonishes Happy for chewing Eric's shoes, and comments that he's going to be in enough trouble when the CamRents find out Happy is expecting puppies. I doubt that's true. Nobody's exactly getting on Annie's case for popping out kids at light speed, are they? Aside from the people who post in our forums, I mean. Simon adds the chewed shoe to a collection of chewed shoes he keeps under his bed. I'm assuming that Happy is responsible for the damage to the shoes and that Simon's just hiding them, but it's fun to imagine that Simon chewed them all up himself. The scene really plummets when Ruthie sticks her head under the bed to ask Simon what he's doing. Simon claims he's making a "surprise" for RevCam and that Ruthie should keep quiet about it. I don't know -- asking a Camden not to gossip is like asking the sun not to shine. Good luck with that, Simon.
Downstairs, Annie's parents are getting ready to depart. I assume they'll be needing a stiff drink or twelve after an extended exposure to the CamFam. That's generally how it works for me, anyway. There's some overly cutesy banter, and then everyone laughs in an exceedingly fake manner. Lucy thanks the grandparents for her subscription to Sassy magazine. Right, like Lucy would ever read something that cool. Although I think the magazine had already started sucking by the time this episode was shot. Then I could believe that Lucy would be into it. After the kids all thank the grandparents for various gifts, Grandpa asks, "Can't anyone keep a secret around here?" The answer is no, although I'm not exactly sure why Grandpa is asking the question at this moment. Maybe it's just his Alzheimer's kicking in.
Annie's got sort of a permed, feminized version of the classic seventies rocker haircut. It makes me shudder, because it looks like my own hair has looked all too often -- always right before I go on a search for a new stylist. Annie hugs her mom and looks troubled. Grandpa looks upset too. Personally, I suspect it's because the adults all know that Grandma's going to be kicking the bucket soon. RevCam is wearing one shoe and one slipper. Does anyone care about that subplot? Didn't think so. Dopey demands that Annie tell him what's going on with Grandma. Like he can't figure out that the Camden home is not the only place Grandma's checking out of? Oh wait, this is Dopey we're talking about, so I guess not.
Outside, Annie tries to convince her mother to stay and have "treatment." I love how Glenoak -- a town with, apparently, only two police officers and two restaurants -- is always depicted as the only place in the country that has access to top-notch medical services. Grandma says that to stay wouldn't be fair to the kids. I hope that doesn't mean she's sacrificing her health, or even her life, for such a dumb-ass reason. Grandpa spews some platitudes about taking "one day at a time," and Grandma promises that they'll be returning in a few weeks' time. After her parents leave, Annie asks Eric when they are going to break the news of Grandma's impending dirt nap to the Hell Spawn. RevCam says something trite and gives Annie a chaste little peck on the mouth.
Morbid curiosity made me watch the opening credits -- a decision I highly regret. Now I'll be forced to hold onto the image of Ruthie, in her vile Shirley Temple hairdon't, blowing a kiss to the audience.
Horrible, ugly, banal music accompanies generic establishing shots of Glenoak. Then we see Lucy and Mary clearing the table, because only females do that sort of thing in the Camden household. The phone rings, and they both scurry to answer it but Dopey gets to it first. He claims it's someone who hung up, but I suspect he just doesn't know how to operate a cordless phone. Dopey, you have to press the "talk" button first, okay? He asks his sisters who they are expecting calls from. They both answer, "No one," and leave, while Dopey stares after them speculatively like the patriarchal busybody we all know he is. Or maybe he's staring at their asses. It's hard to tell. Oh, actually he's staring at Ruthie, preparatory to an attempt to worm Mary's and Lucy's secrets out of her. For once, Ruthie keeps her mouth shut, and Dopey doesn't even pursue the issue further. I guess maybe the show's writers didn't have his character fully developed into the icky form it's taken in seasons four and five. So far, he's only a dolt in training.
In their bedroom, Lucy and Mary go through a list of telecommunication services and accessories they would like to have. I can understand wanting a cell phone or a second line, but I can't imagine what they would do with a fax machine. Lucy wants Call Blocking. Is that the service where your name is blocked from other people's Call Display? Because I could see how a lot of people with Call Display would choose not to pick up if they saw that it was a Camden phoning. Mary whines, "As long as Dad's a minister, we're never gonna have normal lives." Okay, you can blame it on that, Mary, but I think it has more to do with the CamRents being smothering and annoying -- just freaks in general. Mary snottily asks who would call Lucy. Instead of slapping her sister, Lucy smiles and says that someone may call.
Dopey is talking to some chick over the phone. He offers to bring food to her and tells her she needs to eat. Are you intrigued by the mystery? Me neither.
Mary wants to find out who Lucy is expecting a call from, so she tortures her by blocking the door to the bathroom. To further this "plot," Lucy suddenly really, really needs to use the bathroom. Maybe later we'll get an earnest PSA from RevCam about people who have difficulties with frequent urination. Or maybe this was the only way the writers could think of to get Lucy to confide in Mary. So far, Mary's been a little nicer than in later seasons, but not by much. Personally, I would never confide anything in her. But then, I would also keep Lucy out of the bathroom until she wets herself and starts to cry, like in The Sims. When I finally bought the game, I thought it would be fun to start a Glenoak neighbourhood of Sims, with all our cherished characters, and then torment the ones I didn't like. Which would be most of them. But then I realized that I have a life, unlike Lucy, who admits that she would like to receive a call from Jimmy Moon. Mary laughs and asks, "What kind of a name is that?" As we will see later, it's the name of an irritating loser, but this doesn't mean Mary should be laughing at his name. For someone who was so hot to find out Lucy's big secret, selfish, oafish Mary quickly drops the subject and starts talking about herself, of course. She says that the CamRents aren't comfortable with her dating Matt's friend Jeff, since she is only fourteen. I guess that sort of thinking got thrown out later when the show went more Melrose Place and Simon and Deena started dating. And didn't Ruthie have a little boyfriend at some point? Oh well, why bother with consistency? Fortunately for the viewer, the sisters' little bonding session gets cut short when Jeff calls for Mary.
Annie walks in the front door, still looking upset. Simon walks by and sucks up to her about all the extra chores he's been doing, which raises her spirits somewhat. Then Dopey comes by and wants to borrow the car to go to the library, which amuses Annie. Understandably, she seems a trifle skeptical that Dopey could even locate the library, let alone find his way inside to read or study. However, she lets him borrow the car, warning him not to be late getting home. Annie hugs Dopey much longer than is necessary so that we will all know how sad she is that Grandma's about to take a long walk off a short pier.
After many scenes of various family members sleeping -- incredibly dull, even by 7th Heaven standards -- we're supposed to realize that Dopey never came home. See? I told you he would have trouble finding the library. we see RevCam pacing worriedly in the kitchen, with the cordless phone in his hand. When Dopey finally comes in through the front door, RevCam yells, "Kitchen, now!" loud enough to wake the entire rest of the family. Or maybe they all woke up simultaneously because they psychically sensed the presence of a big emotional scene which is really none of their business, but on which they all want to eavesdrop anyway.
RevCam is yelling at Dopey while the rest of the brats eavesdrop from the landing of the kitchen stairs. Dopey is refusing to tell his father whose house he spent the night at; he just says he stopped to visit a female friend and fell asleep on her couch. Why he would refuse to divulge her name is beyond me, but let's just say I won't be losing any sleep over that question. RevCam tells Dopey he's grounded.
You know, up to this point, this episode has been okay -- not a work of art or anything, but borderline cute. You probably figured it would get creepy eventually, though, and now it does. Mary and Lucy are pacing back and forth in their bedroom, making a joint effort to piece together the details of where Dopey was the night before.. Does someone need to get a life? They're examining all the "facts" and coming up with the conclusion that Dopey spent the night with a girl and "made out with her all night," as Lucy puts it. Gawd, that's disturbing. It's sort of funny too, though, since by "making out," I have to assume they just mean kissing and nothing else. Hmm. No, actually, I think I was right the first time: the scene is more disturbing than anything else. Mary tells Lucy she's "far too young to play this game." Dude, is anyone ever old enough to seriously contemplate Matt's sex life?
Ruthie comes in and asks if Matt is in trouble. Mary and Lucy struggle valiantly to shield her from the tragic news that the CamRents are indeed mad at Dopey. God only knows what damage that kind of knowledge would inflict upon young, impressionable Ruthie otherwise. Ruthie insists that RevCam is upset because he only said, "Good morning," to her, instead of "Good morning, pumpkin." Good God, I need some painkillers.
Dopey walks into the bedroom he shares with Simon and the caterpillars that Simon wears for eyebrows. Simon gloats that Matt is "in really big trouble." In fact, he's thrilled that Dopey may be in "practically the kind of trouble you can get sent to jail for." I'm sorry, Simon, but in order to get sent to jail in Glenoak, you at least have to toilet-paper something. Nevertheless, he is still hoping that Dopey's woes will take the heat off himself when the CamRents find out that Happy is expecting puppies. Dopey bursts his bubble by pointing out that, if Simon tells them about Happy now, they'll take the anger they feel for Dopey and unleash it on Simon. Hence, Simon should wait until the CamRents have just heard some good news before he drops his bombshell. Since I'd really like to see someone kick Simon's annoying, loser ass right about now, I'm secretly hoping he elects not to follow Dopey's advice to stay quiet -- advice which is surprisingly good, considering the source. Simon starts prying into whether Dopey kissed the girl he spent the night with, but fortunately, a commercial break cuts this line of questioning short.
We come back to a cloying little domestic scene in which Annie is teaching Ruthie the alphabet. The only thing notable about this scene is that Annie is sporting a sailor top. I don't think it's the same one that she uses to torment Gwen in later seasons, though; this one's only a prototype. When she stands up, we see that she has paired the ugly top with bicycle shorts. She's got nice legs, but the outfit sure does blow. RevCam is looking for his shoes but can't find them, so he decides to wear his good shoes. Hey, do y'all think that might be the basis of a wacky subplot sometime later in the show? The CamRents share some chemistry-free kisses, and RevCam makes a joke about looking forward to the time when Ruthie is in school so he and Annie "can walk around naked again." Aaurrghh! My brain! Annie says she thinks there's more to Matt staying out overnight than he's telling them. You'd think RevCam would get all turned on by that busybody train of thought, but he just accuses Annie of ruining the romantic moment. RevCam asks if Annie thinks Dopey is having sex. SuperMom answers, "No, no, I really don't," while trying valiantly not to laugh. RevCam says he wants "to lay down the law" by not letting Dopey drive the car for a month. I guess RevCam's had a lot of practice laying down the law, since, as we all know, the Glenoak legal system is built on any idle whims he might have, and carried out by his evil minions, by which I mean pretty much anyone in any position of authority in town. The CamRents negotiate Dopey's punishment, and Eric leaves.
At the high school, Dopey is trying to talk his friend Jeff out of dating Mary. Jeff claims he wants to go out with Mary because she can talk about sports, but Dopey is already displaying an unseemly interest in his sister's sex life when he claims that he thinks Mary will make a move on Jeff. Ooh, scary! Who knows -- maybe they'll even "make out all night long," like Dopey allegedly did.
, we see a bunch of supposedly humorous scenes in which Eric is talking to various patients at the hospital, but it's obvious he's limping because his shoes hurt. Then he's phoning Annie to let her know that he's going to come home early and work from there. I don't think he's looking particularly sexy at the moment -- he's all hunched over and rubbing his feet -- but evidently a nurse finds him attractive. She sidles up and, with some very poorly acted seductiveness, comes on to him. He tells her he's a minister who's been married eighteen years, but she has a hard time believing that, because he's not wearing a clerical collar and because he claims he left his wedding ring by the sink. She does, however, offer to bring his shoes to the repair shop across the street to be fixed. I hope it's some sort of elaborate prank, where she ends up putting itching powder into them, but that's probably too much to wish for. I suppose the earlier part of the scene, when Eric was limping in uncomfortable shoes while the usual crappy, lighthearted music trundled along in the background, is all the "comedy" we'll be getting today.
Lucy is hanging with some girlfriends. I haven't seen enough early episodes to be able to tell if the extras playing her friends will ever show up again. One of the girls runs up to Lucy to let her know that Jimmy Moon is coming in their direction. The other rhapsodizes about how cute he is. Um, whatever. Lucy is crestfallen when Jimmy walks by without paying her any attention. As she is mooning after him (heh heh, geddit?), he turns around and smiles back at her, making her day.
Over in the CamKitchen, the Hell Spawn all troop in and attack the refrigerator. Annie comments that Happy is looking "chubby," which sends Simon into a frenzy of defensiveness and offers to help out. The rest of the kids leave, but SuperMom makes Dopey stay behind so she can inform him about not using the car for the three weeks. She says she would feel better if she knew where he'd spent the night, but he still refuses to tell her anything. She tells him that they will continue this conversation with RevCam later, and as Dopey leaves, she calls out, "See ya, wouldn't want to be ya," in a way that makes me long to smack her.
Simon and Ruthie are playing in the back yard when Happy chews up another shoe. I'm not sure whose shoe it is, but if any of you actually cared about that detail, I'd be obliged to encourage you to pick up a constructive hobby or something. In fact, this whole scene is so irritating that we'll just move on entirely.
Annie answers the phone in the kitchen. It's Dopey's mystery woman, whose name turns out to be Renee. Annie invites her to dinner, and she accepts. Simon walks in, carrying the chewed-up shoe under his jacket. He's behaving in a suspicious manner, but Annie is too stupid to notice. Or maybe she's just too busy contemplating Dopey's romantic life again. In any case, that sailor top is really, really ugly.
Upstairs, Lucy is aghast that Mary is bold enough to call Jeff instead of waiting for him to call. Mary suggests Lucy call Jimmy Moon herself, since "it's better than waiting." I'm saddened to think that this coolness on Mary's part is probably a total aberration, and that eventually she must metamorphose into the asshole she was when I first started recapping this show in season four.
RevCam comes home and tells Annie about how a nurse offered to bring his shoes to the repair shop, but the shop was closed for the weekend and that's why he is now wearing surgical slippers. Honestly, are we supposed to care about this shit? Annie holds up Eric's wedding ring and asks if the nurse was pretty. In a way that it is not at all comical, but is very contrived, RevCam changes the subject to ask why there is an extra place set at the table. Totally coincidentally, Dopey walks in just then, so Annie tells him about inviting Renee to dinner. Dopey's upset, and I can't say I blame him. He says it just isn't a good time to invite Renee. Of course, that's Renee's cue to arrive. Simon leads her into the dining room just as Matt is saying that he has something to tell them about Renee. He doesn't get to finish his sentence, but what he was going to say becomes pretty obvious when we see that Renee is pregnant. While the CamRents clutch at each other in an ostensibly comic manner, Simon asks if Renee and Matt are going to have a baby. Renee informs them that Matt is not the father. Gee, now there's a huge surprise. Simon chooses this moment to mention that Happy is pregnant and has been eating RevCam's shoes. Eric looks heavenward in dismay. Excuse me, but why is a dog's pregnancy and shoe-chewing predilection being treated like it's as earth-shattering as the serious illness of Annie's mother? What's that? It's because the writing on this show is abysmal? You're right. It just slipped my mind for a moment.
At dinner, Simon is bombarding Renee with personal questions, which she handles quite well. When she says that one child "may be enough," Simon glumly informs her, "My mom has five." That was pretty funny. RevCam tries to change the subject, but none of the other family members are willing to help, so Simon goes back to besieging the poor pregnant girl with his questions.
Later, RevCam asks Dopey why he couldn't come to him with this. Dopey says, "What, I'm supposed to tell you everything and you won't tell me what's going on with Grandma?" I hate to say it, but he's got a good point. I'm not sure what RevCam's point is here, since everyone knows Dopey doesn't have sex. So what's the problem with him hanging out with Renee? RevCam says he's proud of Matt for being friends with someone who especially needs friends right now, but that what Renee really needs is her parents and the father of her baby. Dopey says that Renee's mother is gone and her father wants nothing to do with her. RevCam puts on a thoughtful look while he contemplates all the trite and annoying things he will say to Renee's father when he gets involved with something that's not even remotely his business. Because you know he's going to get involved, right?
Upstairs, his lovely daughters are prancing around their bedroom with basketballs under their shirts while they make disparaging remarks about being pregnant. Lucy says she can't even imagine kissing a guy, but Mary can. Mary delivers a quick PSA when she informs us that you can't get pregnant from kissing. Lucy indicates that she doesn't know how one does get pregnant. Um, she's thirteen, right? Ignorance like that is just scary. 7th Heaven isn't about to help out by providing any answers, though. Mary just tells Lucy to "stop at the kissing part" so she won't have to worry. Hey, such a good idea to keep young girls completely ignorant about sex. That will ensure that they never have it. And I'll bet if you restrict young people's access to birth control, they simply won't have sex either, right? ["And Lucy's old enough to have had these things explained to her as part of SuperMom's pregnancy with Ruthie -- why didn't they just tell her the facts then? Oh, what am I saying. The CamRents probably don't even know themselves." -- Sars]
Dopey is telling RevCam he doesn't understand why some girls have sex all the time and don't get pregnant, but that Renee got pregnant just doing it once. Uh, Dopey, you're talking to the wrong guy about birth control. You know that, right? Dopey adds, "It's not fair. She's so nice." Well, that's good, because otherwise they couldn't have her on the show -- you know, if she'd had sex more than once or, God forbid, actually enjoyed it.
Before this scene can descend even further into offensiveness, Mary interrupts, asking if RevCam minds if she speaks to Dopey alone. RevCam, in fact, does mind, which is kind of weird of him. Mary is upset because Jeff broke his date with her, and she thinks it has something to do with Dopey telling Jeff she was using him just to get kissed. Dopey suavely explains that he and Jeff talk about this sort of thing all the time, and warns her, "You want to go out with him, you get talked about." You know, Dopey, it is physically possible to restrain yourself from sharing all the details of your romantic relationships. Trust me, people do it all the time. RevCam steps in with the revolutionary suggestion that Mary tell Jeff she is not using him to get kissed. Wow, I can't believe I'm typing dialogue this stupid. At least I'm not responsible for creating it. RevCam continues with the advice that Mary should go on "many, many, many, many dates" before she considers kissing anyone. Sadly, while this might seem like another misguided attempt at comedy, I suspect that the advice is meant to be real. Dopey has the gall to chastise RevCam for allowing Mary to date, saying, "Mary's too young to date. Haven't you learned anything from this whole Renee thing?" Ha! I knew it. Dopey doesn't even know what sex is. I'll bet he thinks Renee got pregnant because she kissed a guy.
I hope he wasn't talking too loudly, because Renee is still in the house, talking to SuperMom in the kitchen. Man, that's tacky to discuss her like that when she's ten feet away. Renee is spouting a whole bunch of platitudes about how she didn't think this was the direction her life would take her. Blah, blah.
Ah, so now we come to the part of the show where RevCam sticks his nose into the business of the tertiary characters and resolves all their problems in sixty minutes or less. He's at the house of Renee's father, who tries to shut the door on RevCam, sullenly claiming he doesn't have a daughter. Like a bad case of termites, RevCam refuses to go away, despite the fact that Renee's father closes the door on him again. He has the good sense to give up after the third door-slamming, though.
In the guys' bedroom, SuperMom is telling Simon, "The puppies are not your fault, but you should have told us about the shoes when Happy ate the first one." Good heavens, I certainly hope Simon's not the father of the puppies. He promises to find a way to pay for the ruined shoes. When Ruthie asks, "How?" Simon tells her, "This is an adult conversation." Okay, this scene is just...wrong, and in so many ways.
In the CamKitchen, Dopey joins Annie for a cup of coffee. She says she didn't even know that he drinks coffee, and tells him there are things about her that he doesn't know either. She says she was "really good at English Lit." Dopey claims he's not bad at it either, but I don't hear the rest of what he said because I'm too busy howling with laughter. It was something about him going to the library to work on a term paper. Annie acts like that clears up a big mystery. And what mystery would that be? When the subplots are as light on substance as, well, pretty much everything in this episode, it gets hard to keep track of them, you know? The only story on this episode that would have made a good plotline is the one about Annie's mother, but they've spent most of the episode ignoring that one. Now Matt asks straight out if Grandma is going to die. Annie explains that she has a rare form of leukemia that is hard to treat, and she's in the advanced stages of it. It's done without the usual Spelling cheesiness and is a pretty moving scene, actually.
It's also well done when RevCam tries to talk to Matt about the news he's just learned. Then they go and wreck it all by having Dopey tell his father, "I don't think we should tell the kids. I don't think they're old enough to deal with it yet." Oh man, why couldn't Dopey be the one with the terminal illness? I guess extreme annoyingness isn't usually fatal -- unfortunately.
At the high school, Mary is asking Jeff what time he will pick her up for their date, so I guess they got everything sorted out. They even have a deal: no kissing. Right. Because kissing would be evil.
RevCam tries out his magical counseling powers on the father of Renee's baby, who is doing the messy job of fixing a motorcycle, yet doesn't have even a smudge of dirt on him. Hmm -- that's not a bad metaphor for the way they treat serious topics on this show, actually. Eric tries to talk him into applying for a job at the pool hall. We don't see whether the guy follows his advice or not, but come on -- we know that RevCam's amazing persuasive powers always save the day.
Oh, look -- it's the incredibly wooden Jimmy Moon, and he wants to know if Lucy likes him. Before she can answer, he says, "I don't like you either. It's people just playing a joke on us." I think that's what he says, but I can't tell for sure, because he's a mumbler. Where do they dig up these guest stars?
Simon and Dopey are talking, "man to man" (Simon's words, not mine). Simon wants to talk about Renee. I think Dopey suspects he'll be asking about sex, so he tries to head Simon off at the pass and direct him to RevCam, but Simon says he just wants to make an observation. Simon's brilliant suggestion is that Dopey marry Renee. Ugh, The less said about that, the better, don't you think?
RevCam is working in his home office when he has a visitor. It's a guy claiming to be the father of Renee's child, but it's not the guy Eric spoke to earlier. That was this guy's older brother and -- oh, never mind. Suffice it to say that the father of Renee's baby did get the job down at the pool hall. Not that we'll ever see him there again. RevCam tries to trick him into coming to church on Sunday. That doesn't sound very Christian to me.
Lucy's lying on her bed reading Sassy while Mary gets ready for her date with Jeff, boasting all the time. Finally she notices that Lucy is crying. Lucy is upset because she thinks she made a fool of herself in front of Jimmy Moon. Mary does point out that if Jimmy doesn't like her, then he's the foolish one. It's a nice scene, though I can't say I care at all about Lucy's loathsome romantic woes. Still, it's good to see that Mary was, at one point, a nice character.
Annie and Dopey are folding laundry together when Annie suggests that he call his grandmother. He's not sure what to say, but he does go to call. RevCam walks in as Dopey's leaving and tries to get him to talk about Grandma, but Dopey shrugs him off. Eric complains to Annie about how Dopey never confides in him. With the caliber of advice RevCam dispenses, he's surprised that nobody wants it?
Simon comes in and unveils his super-duper plan to make enough money to support Happy's shoe-chewing habit: he will run a lemonade stand. What a terrible idea. RevCam backs me up on that, pointing out that Simon has run lemonade stands before and never made even enough money to pay for the ingredients. He suggests that Simon think of a community service he could perform in lieu of replacing Eric's shoes. Simon comes up with another plan that sucks: he wants to give the lemonade away for free between Sunday school and the church service, "and then maybe so many people won't go home." That was sort of funny, I guess. Annie certainly thought so.
Mary is helping Lucy by convincing her to call Jimmy and tell him that when he questioned her earlier, she didn't know what to say and may have given him the wrong impression. Lucy takes the phone and repeats what Mary just told her. She claims she got the answering machine, even though there wasn't even enough time for a machine to have picked up and played an outgoing message. I'm not sure if Lucy's lying or if this scene was just poorly directed.
It's a cozy domestic scene in the CamPound living room. Annie is reading to Ruthie while RevCam types something on his laptop. He's surfing porn, I assume. Dopey comes in and asks if he can go to the library. RevCam is skeptical because it's Friday night. He says Dopey can't go anywhere for another three weeks, although he will make an exception if Dopey wants to join him for a game of pool. Dopey says he's not that desperate. Hee hee. The doorbell rings, and the whole CamClan of busybodies congregates at the front door, thinking it's Mary's date. Oh, gross -- it's that lackluster Jimmy Moon dude, looking a little intimidated by an entire houseful of Camdens staring at him. Dopey, who suffers from the delusion that Lucy's dating life is in some way his business, shakes his head at RevCam. Lucy waves weakly at Jimmy.
The CamRents are in bed. Eric makes all sorts of excuses to go downstairs. I didn't know what the hell he was trying to do, but Annie figures out that he's waiting up for Mary. She suggests that he not make it so obvious, or Mary will think he doesn't trust her. We learn that Mary's curfew is 11:00, which seems pretty liberal for parents as smothering as the CamRents. I would have imagined something like 9:00.
RevCam starts to go downstairs when he runs into Lucy. He denies that he's checking up on Mary, and he changes the subject to say that her friend Jimmy seemed nice. Lucy launches into a stupid speech that Mary had told her earlier to use on the CamRents -- something about Jimmy just being a guy from her class who needed a homework assignment. RevCam tells her that he and Lucy are both bad liars. They apologize to each other for lying, and RevCam goes downstairs.
RevCam walks in on Dopey having a phone conversation with Grandma. Amazingly, he leaves without eavesdropping or butting in. He opens the front door to take Happy out for a walk. Sure enough, there's Mary swapping spit with Jeff on the porch. I hope she doesn't get pregnant. To his credit, RevCam, closes the door quickly and leaves them alone.
At church, Simon is indeed giving away lemonade. An older woman asks him why he is charging nothing for the lemonade. Simon replies, "I was gonna charge plenty so I could get my dad some new shoes, but he wouldn't let me." Of course the woman takes this at face value, and Simon does nothing to correct her impression when she slips him some cash and tells him to give it to his father. That was nice of her, though as she's walking away, she starts whispering to everyone, "Reverend needs new shoes." Heh.
RevCam steps up to the pulpit and looks down at the congregation. He sees the nurse from the hospital. She's holding a pair of shoes that must be the ones she had repaired for him. RevCam laughs nervously, and Annie makes an ugly, contorted face, which I think is supposed to demonstrate her jealousy. Okay, gross.
Outside, Simon shows Dopey a whole collection of paper money. I imagine it was donated by the kind people of the congregation, who were under the impression that RevCam couldn't afford shoes. Simon is naive enough to think RevCam will be thrilled with the money. Leaving Dopey alone outside, Simon goes into the church.
He's just in time to see RevCam introduce the newest member of the choir, Renee. She stands up to sing some repulsive, tuneless solo. Aw, the father of her child decided to come to church after all. But wait, there's more! Outside, Renee's father comes up to Dopey and tells him that it is his daughter singing. Dopey smiles and leads him inside to hear the rest of Renee's hideous assault on our eardrums. The episode ends with shots of various Camdens smiling beatifically, offering proof that their close-ups were shot somewhere other than the location where Renee was singing. I've often longed for a "mute" button on my VCR remote while recapping this show, but never more than today.