Unfortunately, I didn't get to see the previously on the Real World segment, due to some taping issues, but I'm sure they showed clips of Ruthie leaving and Teck with some women, since those are the major threads of this episode.
Wonder Bread and Teck are in the van, and Wonder Bread is saying that he wants to make Ruthie's return as comfortable as possible. He tells Teck that Annoying is nervous about Ruthie coming home. Teck says he's not nervous, but Ruthie knows someone that he knows. As Teck puts it, "She's messing with Malo." Wonder Bread says that he heard about that: "Is this the dancer at Exotic Nights?" By switching between a confessional and Wonder Bread and Teck's conversation in the van, we hear the following story from Teck: "The way Ruthie got Malo is, she met her and Malo said, 'You know Teck?' Ruthie said, 'Oh, you're one of the victims.' Malo said, 'What do you mean, victim?' and Ruthie said, 'One of his many women'." Teck goes on to point out that Ruthie is "trying to put salt in my game to get Malo."
Wonder Bread walks into the Colony Surf Hotel where all of his fantasies are about to come true. He walks into Ruthie's hotel room, and she is lying in bed with Malo. Rather than excuse himself so that she can make herself decent and they can have a normal conversation, he just barges in and hugs her. Ruthie is wearing that same black tank top and thong. This is starting to get gross. Ruthie makes me laugh by saying, "Nice haircut" to Wonder Bread and he replies, "It's the worst." You ain't kidding, brother! Ruthie introduces Matt to Malo. In a confessional, she tells us she broke up with Jess. Wonder Bread says he's happy that Ruthie is coming back to the house, and more than anything...he pauses here and makes that really annoying "surf's up" gesture again. Finally, he concludes that he's happy Ruthie feels that this break was good for her. Ruthie says that it was a good break, and that they didn't really talk about alcohol. It was more about her dreams. Wow, that sounds like a wonderful treatment facility. In a confessional, Ruthie says that she learned that nobody can tell you you're an alcoholic, and nobody can tell you whether to drink or not, that you have to tell yourself. I think maybe she got a little mixed up here. I think they meant that the first step is admitting that you have a problem, whereas Ruthie took it to mean that the first step is that you can do whatever you want.
, Ruthie says, "You know" about twenty times and then says that the women in the program didn't want her to leave, and Wonder Bread says in a really creepy way, "I can imagine," meaning that he imagined it every night. Also, he is definitely wearing makeup, and it is not a good look for him. Ruthie tells us that it would be ideal not to drink again, but nobody knows what's going to happen. This is actually a good attitude, I think, since it's all about taking it one day at a time. Wonder Bread tells her that Teck is anxious about whether Ruthie will hate him when she gets back. Funny, I don't remember Teck saying anything like that, but it's so unlike Wonder Bread to stir up trouble. Oh wait, it would be exactly like him to do that. In a confessional, Wonder Bread tells us, "I sincerely hope no housemate of mine makes this difficult for Ruthie." Look, I appreciate that Ruthie has a problem and all, but must the world revolve around her? Back in the hotel room, Wonder Bread then gets all dorky (or dorkier than usual) and says, "I feel like I'm seeing a star because I've thought about you a lot." Gee, I bet that kind of talk is going to make Ruthie respect you. Ruthie says she's in hiding. In a confessional, she tells us that she knows that Matt wants to be a good friend, but it's weird and she still feels cautious. Ruthie tells him to go away because it's her last night of freedom. You totally know that Wonder Bread was hoping for an invitation to join them in bed, or at least to watch them. He reluctantly leaves, and tells her to page him so he can make sure her return goes smoothly. Dude, she's just coming back to the house -- it's hardly the invasion of Normandy. What's to plan? She walks in the door. It's over. Anyway, Wonder Bread tells Malo it was nice to meet her and leaves. Ruthie tells us that what happened with Matt made her think twice about him. Malo says that Matt was nice and Ruthie just laughs. She really has no respect for him.
Wonder Bread picks Ruthie and Malo up at the hotel. Wonder Bread has on that green shirt I hate so much, black shorts, white socks and black shoes. Someone really needs to buy this boy a pair of sandals because the only thing worse than black socks and black shoes is white socks and black shoes. Ruthie says that the program was worthwhile because she needed a break to stop things from snowballing and remember her strength. Now she's back and stronger. When they get to the house, Wonder Bread gives Ruthie some presents he got her in India. Really, could he be any more of a lame-ass? That's not a rhetorical question. Could he? I don't think that he could. He got her some scarves, and some bindis, and an ashtray, among other things. He is rewarded with a hug.
Colin says he's really glad that Ruthie didn't leave for good, and that she got help. Getting help says a lot about her character because Ruthie's a strong person. You can keep saying it, but that doesn't make it true. Colin hugs Ruthie and introduces himself to Malo. In a confessional, Annoying says that she's the only person in the house who will admit that she feels weird about Ruthie coming back, and that other people feel the same way but won't say anything. She doesn't tell us, however, why she feels weird. She hugs Ruthie too, and Ruthie says, "What's up, bitch?" Ruthie gives Malo a tour of the house, and in a confessional says that she's curious how the roommates feel about her, but she won't ask. She says hi to Teck, as does Malo. Ruthie tells us that they met before, and since Teck knows every woman on the island, he also knows Malo. Obviously, she means he "knows" Malo, in the biblical sense. Teck says he feels like he's in the middle, and if Malo wants to "mess with" Ruthie, more power to her. Obviously, he means "mess with" in the biblical sense. Malo and Ruthie chill on the hammock. Ruthie says that it's nice to be back. Malo says, "He was nice -- he gave you a hug." Ruthie says she was talking about the whole house, not just Teck. Malo says weakly, "I'm just saying."
[Paging the Pixelator! Paging the Pixelator! We've got nudity poolside. I repeat, we've got nudity poolside. Now get to work, stat!] The producers must have thrown a party over this scene, since none of the cast members have gotten naked lately. Ruthie and Malo go swimming. Ruthie apparently doesn't own a bathing suit, so she goes in her thong underwear with no top. Malo has a suit, even though she doesn't live there. They wrestle a little bit, and I swear I saw Wonder Bread hiding in the bushes, but I could be mistaken. Ruthie says, "I can't put a name to what we have. It's not the traditional relationship. It's a relationship where we're friends, but we're intimate." At this point, Malo's suit is lying poolside and she's completely naked in the pool.
Suddenly, Malo is lying on the bed, reading a magazine, with her suit back on. Teck asks her if she works tonight and she says she's not sure. He says he was going to come out there. I think he tried to say it in a seductive voice, but it creeped me out. In a confessional, he says, "I'm going to tell y'all the real deal. Malo wants a brother." I'm assuming he doesn't mean a male sibling. He continues, "That's the only reason that she's at the house. She always wanted to come to the house...but I never let that go down. The real reason she's here is to get at Teck Money." Then Teck winks at her and she pretty much ignores him. It's nice that Teck loves himself so much, I guess, but he really doesn't have a clue, does he?
Teck is singing "Greatest Love of All" on stage at Local Motion. Wonder Bread and Ruthie walk in and Colin and Annoying are behind the counter. Ruthie says she missed Wonder Bread and Tetanus Girl while she was gone. She hugs Tetanus Girl, who is ten feet tall. I don't know why I never noticed that before. Tetanus Girl and Ruthie are outside talking and Tetanus Girl says that it's been intense while Ruthie was gone. Ruthie is unfortunately wearing a bindi. She tells us that Tetanus Girl doesn't express her feelings. Huh? That's all she talks about! Anyway, Ruthie says that all they have to do is look at each other and everything's okay. Teck finishes his song and his pants are pulled down practically to his thighs. Ew.
Wonder Bread, Teck, Ruthie and Malo get into a taxi to go to a club. Malo asks what is a good club, and Teck says "Golden Dolls" which is the club where Malo strips. Ruthie rolls her eyes. They do end up going to a different strip club and Malo is dancing, but it's not really clear whether she is working there or just dancing for fun. Wonder Bread has his sunglasses on because he is a dork. Ruthie says she wanted to test herself. She drank water and fruit punch while everyone else got drunk, but she still had fun. Later, they go to a regular dance club and Malo is dancing with Teck. Teck tells us, "I don't see Ruthie as competition at all. She's a woman. I'm a man. I have something she doesn't have...I got game, baby." Oh, Teck, you poor misguided soul. Ruthie tells us, "When I see Malo and Teck doing whatever, whatever, if she wants to do that, it's cool. I don't want to be in her way." Back at the club, Ruthie asks Malo if she is going home with Teck, and Malo says no, and acts outraged that Ruthie would even ask that, despite the fact that she was humping him on the dance floor earlier. Ruthie asks Malo if she is staying over. Ruthie is coming off as a little needy here. Don't get me wrong, she's no Annoying. But she's a little needy. Ruthie tell us more about Malo: "I think she's attracted to him in a sexual way, but beyond that, I don't know." I don't want to think about anyone being attracted to Teck in any way, but definitely not in a sexual way. The scene ends with Ruthie and Malo in bed together, sleeping. I think I spotted Wonder Bread hiding behind the curtain, but I'm not sure.
Ruthie and Malo are on the beach. Ruthie tells us that she is Malo's first lesbian experience. Malo says that Ruthie has known about her sexuality for a long time, but Ruthie says she only came out last year. Ruthie tells us that she's flattered that she is Malo's first. Ruthie tells Malo that her friends' parents, families and even grandmas are all okay with her sexuality. Suddenly, Ruthie and Malo are with a group of people going swimming, and jumping off a cliff into the water. Ruthie does a back flip, but Malo is scared. Finally, she jumps in. Ruthie says she's proud and gives her a hug. That noise was me getting hit over the head with the "jumping off the cliff/accepting your sexuality" metaphor.
Teck tunes in a radio station in time to hear Wonder Bread say, "...with our love and relationships advice show thing that is, uh, nameless at the moment." I can't imagine why Wonder Bread can't get radio work these days with those kind of improv talents. The other host asks Wonder Bread how he's doing and he says, "Swell". Wonder Bread tells us in a voice-over that he's had many radio jobs, but he's never done a talk show on FM radio with music before. Wonder Bread starts talking about eating disorders. Could someone let me know what eating disorders have to do with love and relationships? I mean, I know they're kind of related, but not really. Anyway, they have an expert there too. Annoying, Colin and Teck are listening back at the house. Annoying says that no one with an eating disorder would call in. The expert defines anorexia, but Wonder Bread can't just let it stand -- he has to jump in with his own words. He says that it's about "women who are never skinny enough". Annoying yells out, "That's not what it's about. Do your research", which is actually a good point. She's right. In a confessional, she tells us that she knows many other resources if Wonder Bread had just asked her.
Teck gets through on the phone and jokes around with Wonder Bread. Annoying tells us, "It bothers me that he's trying to out me as an eating disorders victim, which I was once, but that was a long time ago." Annoying gets on the phone and tells Wonder Bread that anorexia is more often about control issues than food issues, and he should say that on the air. He tries to get her to say it, but she refuses to go on the air. In a confessional, Annoying says, "I did have an eating disorder. I got help. Matt needs a new cause and he's trying to hop on the bandwagon. He needs to move on with his life." She's right again, but maybe if she didn't say these things in such an annoying voice I would care a little more. But she nailed Wonder Bread there, didn't she? I always wish I could know what the cast members think when they watch these episodes, since they see them for the first time when we do, and probably don't know what their roommates said in interviews and such.
At Local Motion, some musicians are playing. Wonder Bread and Ruthie dance behind the counter. Malo is telling Teck that she doesn't understand why she's allowed to talk to Wonder Bread and Colin, but not Teck. Maybe because she slept with him? That's the first thing that leaps to my mind, anyway. Teck says that everyone thinks they had something, but they didn't. Ruthie is bitching to Wonder Bread about Malo coming to see her, but spending the whole time talking with Teck instead. In a voice-over, Ruthie says, "It's not jealousy. It's pity." You keep telling yourself that, Tigerette. Ruthie bitches to Wonder Bread some more, and he says, "She's an obnoxious little tramp." Not that he has an ulterior motive for breaking them up or anything. Ruthie says that she doesn't care if Malo wants to be with Teck -- she just wants to know the truth. She tells us she can't be with Malo, because Malo clearly has other people on her mind -- maybe Teck. The van drops Ruthie off at Malo's apartment building. She goes in and gathers up all her things, and tells us, "I don't want anybody close to my heart now." She tells Malo, "It's no big thing. It never was," which doesn't look that dramatic written down, but Ruthie said it very dramatically. In a voice-over, she tells us she doesn't know if they'll get back together but she doesn't want a relationship right now. She wants to be Ruthie for a while. Then she gets in a cab and goes home. Geez, she wasn't in there that long. They couldn't wait for her?
week: The gang volunteers at a children's hospital, and Annoying and Ruthie fight. Annoying says, "I can't stand how fake she is" which is hilarious for so many reasons. Ruthie sings a song about how her roommates are bitches. Ooh, that looks good!
Over the credits, Annoying and Teck discuss Teck's penis and where it's been. That is a subject I could not possibly know too little about. Nothing would be exactly the right amount for my knowledge of that topic, I think.