Previously, on The Real World: Ruthie jumped in the pool naked. Wonder Bread (a.k.a. Matt) noticed she was naked and commented on it to Tetanus Girl (a.k.a. Kaia). Tetanus Girl said, "She's cute." Wonder Bread found out that Ruthie has a girlfriend, not a boyfriend, and that her girlfriend is in basic training. Later, Amaya was insecure. So, we can gather that they focus of this episode is going to be Ruthie's ties, or lack thereof, to her girlfriend, and Amaya's insecurity issues.
Tetanus Girl and Ruthie dance in a club. I'm noticing that while Ruthie can shake some booty, Tetanus Girl is a really bad dancer. She kind of keeps her legs still and shakes her upper body around like a chicken pecking for feed. Tet Girl (I get sick of typing Tetanus Girl over and over again) says, "I really like Ruthie...I like her energy. I think she's very sweet." This statement can be interpreted as, "I would like to jump Ruthie's bones because she's a hottie and I'm drunk and lonely." In case we missed the point, the music says, "We like to party!"
Some ominous music begins and we cut to Ruthie and Tet Girl lying in bed together, and there's a close-up on Tet Girl's arm around Ruthie, dangerously close to her breast! They murmur sweet nothings to one another about snoring and pass out. Matt tiptoes in and pops a boner, and then turns out the light so no one can see it (as if we'd notice). He notes that some roommates (who could he be talking about?) have a magnetic attraction.
The day, Ruthie says, "I had a great time last night" and notes that guys were all up in her butt, and girls were too. I take this to mean that people of both genders were hitting on her. I think the girls were hitting on her because they thought she was Tiger Woods in a wig, and wanted to share in his millions. Tet Girl disagrees with me, and says people hit on Ruthie, "'cause you fine!" Could you try any harder to get in her pants, you desperate hag? For all Tet Girls' posturing, we haven't seen any guys or girls hitting on her in bars, have we? At least some old guy bought Ruthie a shot.
At a meeting at Local Motion, Amaya suggests that they promote their events at sororities and fraternities. I have to confess that, in theory, this is a good idea. And perhaps it would have been received as such had Amaya not prefaced her remarks with about 25 qualifiers, and said every sentence as if it were a question. For example: "I know everyone hates me, and I know I'm an idiot, and I know you probably don't care, and I'm sorry for even suggesting it, but don't you think we should do this?" Who is going to agree with that? Wonder Bread shoots her down by saying there are a lot of coffee shops around the university already, so it would be hard to convince people to come to theirs. If Amaya had a spine, she would say, "But we promoted the last event at the University and got a good turnout." Instead, she pouts like a four-year-old. That night, Amaya brings the idea up again to Colin. Again, she would be much more successful if she didn't say the phrase "fraternities and sororities" 20 times. She doesn't want to be known as a sorority stereotype, and yet every other word out of her mouth is "sorority." I'm even sick of typing it. Colin makes fun of her and Amaya pouts some more.
Tetanus Girl and Ruthie discuss a poem Ruthie wrote, the contents of which are not revealed. Tet Girl shows off her mighty brains by saying, "There's so many layers of depth to this that it's good." I can't believe I never used that line in an English Lit class! I think I went to get a snack at this point. When I got back, Ruthie was doing a naked confessional (to be fair, she might have been wearing a tube top, but she sure looked naked!). Tet Girl babbles on and on and then Ruthie says, "Eyes are the windows to your souls [sic]." I don't know what kind of crazy religion Ruthie practices where we have multiple souls, but it sure sounds interesting! Tet Girl responds, "And everyone I've ever loved or been very close to has said that very same thing to me" which I interpret as, "I want to get very close to you." In case we missed the burgeoning sexual tension, the producers cut to Tet Girl doing a naked confessional (looking very glassy-eyed, I might add), and saying, "I feel very open to everything right now." They talk some more and I swear to God they were really stoned during this scene. I don't know what kind of cigarettes Ruthie smokes, but they totally look like joints. What are those, Camel Wides?
Back at the club, Ruthie rocks the microphone (hardly). It did crack me up when she said she was "chillin' like a villain." Wonder Bread has somehow become the omniscient narrator of this show, able to point out what everyone else is thinking and feeling. He says, "Kaia and Ruthie have a deep-rooted interest in each other and the fact that they were drinking brings out this internal desire." Hey, are you guys trying to tell me that Kaia and Ruthie like each other? Because I didn't get that out of the 10 SCENES BEFORE THIS ONE! Back at the club, Ruthie is totally rubbing Tet Girl's butt (or is all up in her butt, to quote Ruthie). While watching this, voice-over Ruthie tells us that "I really miss my girlfriend but I know that she'd be happy that I was having a lot of fun." Oh, those Real World producers are the masters of ironic juxtaposition, are they not? thing you know, Ruthie and Tet Girl are making out in the back of the van, and I'm thinking, "Where is Justin? He has not been on screen AT ALL this episode. What's up with that?"
Meanwhile, back in the van, Ruthie and Tet Girl are making out. Personally, I was wondering how Ruthie was able to pry Tetanus Girl's clenched jaws apart enough to slip her the tongue. In a voice-over, we learn that Tet Girl feels she was out of control. In the van, all of the boys are popping boners, and Teck is taking pictures to auction off on Ebay. Tet Girl further informs us that she is not heterosexual, homosexual or bisexual -- she is just very free. In other words, you'll take whoever or whatever will have you? Exactly as I thought. As they exit the van, Tet Girl grabs Ruthie and kisses her again, then runs into the house. This is important, because in the few days, everyone acts like Ruthie was the aggressor since she is the known bisexual and alcoholic. Obviously Tet Girl was into it too, but maybe a little scared of the whole scene.
Wonder Bread and Colin are bonding over living out every guy's fantasy: front row seats to some hot and heavy girl-on-girl action. Wonder Bread says, "What happened in that van makes living here so much more exciting," and the two of them are giggling like schoolgirls. Wonder Bread then says that he can't wait to masturbate to...oops, I mean "see" the pictures.
The morning we hear Ruthie on the phone (with whom?) saying that she is skipping her classes. Since this conversation didn't have much to do with anything else in the episode, my guess is that the producers are trying to set up Ruthie's drinking as interfering with her schoolwork. Or something.
Justin is still living in the house! He is driving the van. He doesn't say anything though because Tet Girl is droning on and on in her monotone voice about how the night was her worst nightmare because she was almost totally out of control and no one cared. Maybe they didn't care because it's not their problem? Take some responsibility for your own life. Anyway, she goes on to blame it on the alcohol and says that she doesn't want to do it again. (Yeah, right.)
Wonder Bread, Colin and Amaya decide to go surfing. Amaya annoys the crap out of everyone. Why do I feel like I've typed that sentence before? Oh, that's right, because I have. Like 25 times. That's it, I'm changing Amaya's name to Annoying. Geez, I need to make a key or something to keep all these names straight.
Annoying says, "I am definitely the most girly girl in the house" as if that's something of which she should be proud. She proceeds to THROW her surfboard down a 4 foot drop onto some rocks. Now, I know nothing about surfboards, but that thing had to cost a few hundred dollars. I would not be throwing it around. But I'm not Annoying. (I may be annoying but I'm definitely not Annoying.) , she proceeds to DRAG it what seems like 20 miles down the beach. The fact that the camera crew was right there to capture every bump and scratch leads me to believe that they don't like her either. And the editors were a little too happy to put every scrape in slow motion. I think if the crew doesn't like you, you must suck, because they know the REAL you.
Finally, she asks for help from the boys, and Colin jogs back and picks up her board to carry it. The way I see it, Annoying had a few choices here. She could have stayed home. The fact that she wore a cute outfit and did her hair all cute leads me to believe that she didn't really want to surf; she just wanted attention. Once she figured out that the board was too heavy, she could have asked for help then, or turned around and gone home, or possibly carried it over her head as Colin does, instead of under her arm. But pouting and damaging the board is, to me, not an option. Anyway, they apparently don't do any surfing, because when they get back they tell Tetanus Girl that everyone laughed at them, and that Annoying ruined the board. Annoying chews on her day planner instead of telling them off.
Later that night, Annoying is crying in the hot tub alone. Ruthie sees her and tries to comfort her (no, not that way, you perverts). Annoying says no one knows the real her, and they are all judging her based on a stereotype. Ruthie tells her to give it time. I have to say, I really liked Ruthie in this scene. I thought she did a good job of offering advice to Annoying without sugarcoating it.
Uh oh! The pictures are back! Ruthie sees the ones where she kissed Tetanus Girl, and instead of throwing up, she reveals that she doesn't remember it. Then she worries that her girlfriend is going to kill her. How scary is it that she doesn't remember?
That night at another club (I thought these people had a job!), Ruthie tells Tet Girl that she really doesn't remember kissing her. Tet Girl doesn't believe it and says Ruthie is doing an acting job. Ruthie manages to use every possible verb tense in one sentence when she says, "It was funny to think I could do something like that and don't remember [sic]." Tet Girl has a flash of clarity and replies, "I don't think it's funny." Ruthie apologizes for kissing her and Tet Girl says, "I liked it and I remember it" and then strokes her shoulder seductively. I would like to point out that (a)Tet Girl said earlier that she didn't want it to happen again and (b) Ruthie was not entirely the aggressor in this situation. Just for the record.
At home, Annoying and Tet Girl are discussing the situation. Tet Girl feels used because it meant nothing to Ruthie. Neither of them is sure that Ruthie truly doesn't remember. I believe that she doesn't, because, to me, she seemed genuinely surprised about it. Tet Girl reaches up into the stratosphere and pulls out this explanation: Ruthie wants to love and be faithful to her girlfriend, but it means denying herself, so she gets drunk so that she can do whatever she wants and blame it on the alcohol. Either that or she's a horny alcoholic. One or the other.
Ruthie writes a letter to her girlfriend to try and explain what happened, and we know it's important because she sends it Priority Mail. She explains to Wonder Bread why she needs to send this letter. Wonder Bread is the biggest girl, as he lies on the bed and paints Ruthie's toenails while swapping recipes. OK, that was a bit of an exaggeration, but he is a total girl.
Annoying has apparently called a house meeting (without Justin, who wisely sat out this whole mess). She tells the roommates that she doesn't feel comfortable, and apparently they are responsible for her happiness. Maybe it's in that contract they all signed before coming on the show: "Not only are you responsible for your personal happiness, but you also need to make sure Amaya is happy." Teck missed that clause, because he tells Annoying that everyone is feeling out of their element and she should just deal with it. Amen, brother! Colin steps up and says that Annoying is more sensitive (and I admire how he avoids saying "overly sensitive" because you know he was thinking it) and that he will try to be more careful about what he says to her. Obviously, Colin read the contract. Plus, as we will see in a moment, he is trying to get some lovin' from Annoying. Can you blame him though? Look at the alternatives: drunk Ruthie or forty-year-old Tetanus Girl.
The morning, Annoying offers Colin some banana bread, and this sets off the most obvious display of flirting ever seen on national television -- at least, the most obvious since twenty minutes ago when Ruthie and Tet Girl were making googly eyes at each other's souls. Annoying actually says, "You want some, I can feel it," ostensibly about the bread. Colin says he enjoys spending time with Annoying as the music tells us, "I'd love to be the shoulder that you cry on," in case we missed the point that Colin is going to help Annoying get over her homesickness and (one hopes) herself. Annoying says that Colin "intrigues" her because she is drawn to "mystery and brattiness." Can I just say that Colin is SO the opposite of mystery? The only mystery is how he stands listening to her yammer on for hours at a time. Colin tells us they flirt and cuddle, but that's it. At least until week.
Ruthie gets a phone call from Jess (her girlfriend), and tells her that she kissed one of her roommates and she didn't know. Now, any normal person would have said, "Wait right there. What the hell do you mean you didn't know. Were you sleepwalking?" but apparently this has come up before between the two of them because Jess takes it in stride. Ruthie also says she doesn't plan on doing it again. I'd like to point out that she hardly planned on doing it the first time. Whatever -- Jess forgives her and Ruthie is relieved. What's Jess going to do? She's in basic training, for crying out loud.
Ruthie and Tet Girl are hanging out in the hot tub, and Wonder Bread and Colin are spying on them. Colin says he wishes they would kiss again. Yeah, you and all of the staff at Bunim-Murray Productions, brother.
week: Colin and Annoying's relationship deepens. Maybe Justin will actually speak. Dare I dream?